trigger warning: schadenfreude

Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us

Tried real hard to find a picture of sad Mitt, but then we realized that his emotions don't show up on film, like a vampire'sOh boy, we have now reached our favorite part of the election cycle: the end! It’s great because (a) the stressful part is over and (b) all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the reporters that they most want to sleep with. And so it was that the lucky folks at CBS, America’s old-person network, got the scoop on the tragic emotional landscape of the Romney-Ryan campaign’s final night, when everyone’s sincere belief in their inevitable victory ran head-first into reality. Join us for a gleefully annotated summary, after the jump!

Here is the best part of the sad tale of Mitt Romney’s election night: Mitt Romney and his people were totally confident that they were going to win. Unless, of course, they are so determined to maintain a brave face at all times that they feel a need to anonymously leak to the press after the fact that they ran the campaign in a delusional bubble? That would be even weirder, so let’s just take this statement at face value:

Romney and his campaign had gone into the evening confident they had a good path to victory, for emotional and intellectual reasons. The huge and enthusiastic crowds in swing state after swing state in recent weeks — not only for Romney but also for Paul Ryan — bolstered what they believed intellectually: that Obama would not get the kind of turnout he had in 2008.

As a result, they believed the public/media polls were skewed — they thought those polls oversampled Democrats and didn’t reflect Republican enthusiasm. They based their own internal polls on turnout levels more favorable to Romney. That was a grave miscalculation, as they would see on election night.

Let that sink in for a minute: Team Romney was “unskewing” its internal polls, or maybe they were just using the numbers from the Unskewed Polls guy, who knows, but the point here is that they didn’t like the reality they were getting from their own data collection and thus felt a need to fix it to conform to their inner emotional truth like some sort of woo-woo Californian new ager. By contrast, when after the first debate Obama’s people began getting numbers indicating that everyone thought he did a crappy job, the campaign flipped out and Obama agreed to make some changes he wasn’t keen on, because he wanted to win but recognized that he might lose.

So, here’s a hint, future presidential candidates of all stripes: you’re going to get at least 35 percent of the vote in every state of the union, which translates to hundreds of thousands of people. No matter where you go, you will get large and enthusiastic crowds, unless your campaign is a complete disaster à la John McCain. Do not confuse the people who voluntarily show up for your rallies as being representative of the electorate!

Anyway, now that you understand the Romney campaign’s mindset, let’s jump ahead to election day!

Mitt Romney’s campaign got its first hint something was wrong on the afternoon of Election Day, when state campaign workers on the ground began reporting huge turnout in areas favorable to President Obama: northeastern Ohio, northern Virginia, central Florida and Miami-Dade.

Then came the early exit polls that also were favorable to the president.

But it wasn’t until the polls closed that concern turned into alarm. They expected North Carolina to be called early. It wasn’t. They expected Pennsylvania to be up in the air all night; it went early for the President.

After Ohio went for Mr. Obama, it was over, but senior advisers say no one could process it.

This is the part where we wish anonymous low-level campaign staffers could somehow magically convey smell. Because it probably smelled pretty amazing at Romney HQ, right? All flop sweat and burning wires? Anyway, then the ladies wept, and Paul Ryan was too sad to cry:

Romney was stoic as he talked to the president, an aide said, but his wife Ann cried. Running mate Paul Ryan seemed genuinely shocked, the adviser said. Ryan’s wife Janna also was shaken and cried softly.

Next came that concession speech, which wasn’t … bad exactly, just kind of stilted and off-putting, like most of Mitt’s public human interactions but more so. Turns out Romney really did write it at the very last minute, because, as mentioned, he literally thought he was sure to win!

Their emotion was visible on their faces when they walked on stage after Romney finished his remarks, which Romney had hastily composed, knowing he had to say something.

Both wives looked stricken, and Ryan himself seemed grim. They all were thrust on that stage without understanding what had just happened.

Then they went home and took a nap and Mitt Romney will never be the president ever and we’ll never talk about him again, the end. (Ha ha, just kidding, we’ll have lots of articles in the future about whatever dumbshit mandroid antics he’s up to, don’t worry, refresh Wonkette dot com constantly for cruel Mitt Romney coverage.) [CBS]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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  1. YerMa

    posted elsewhere, but feels more appropriate here:

    Ya know… any time I have a moment of feeling bad for taking such JOY in their misery, some asshole starts with the fucking "lazy people want free shit" meme they're running with.

    FUCK them.

    The invigorated frothing hate and contempt for the poor (especially minorities) has gotten worse since Tuesday and they've gone totally off the rails. I can't wrap my head around it, especially when people who claim to follow Christ are such narcissistic, hateful assholes who genuinely seem to want poor people to suffer and die. It's insane. And I agree with the Rude Pundit who said:

    "Let's kick these fuckers while they're down. Let's degrade them and mock them for not understanding that voters actually give a damn about the nation, unlike the Republican Party. Let's make them feel every ache, every lump, because if we don't, they are going to attempt, again and again, to get up and gut us, like every cliched serial killer in every cheap straight-to-video bullshit flick. You don't walk away when the murderer just looks dead. You cut off his head so that you know he is."

    1. weejee

      And from Mr. Speaker Boner's interviews yesterday they appear to be set for taking the country full-speed ahead right over the fiscal cliff. Yee, haa!!

      1. BadKitty904

        I agree. Everything we've seen since Tuesday clearly indicates that the GOP is still determined to rule this country or destroy it. They acknowledge NO other options.

      2. Ruhe

        Re "the Fiscal Cliff": I would love to see the President and the Dems in congress treat that thing like it's the deal that's on the table. Just walk into Boner's office and say, hey dude, there's a deal on the table. We don't like it much but it'll work and if we don't come up with anything better that thing will go into effect and that'll be on you. Please, Barry, put on your poker face.

    2. YerMa

      And FUTHER… I hang with a very liberal crowd, IRL and on many internets. Not ONE of them gets or wants 'free shit'. But you know who wants shit? EVERY greedy mother fucking Republican who is bitching about taxes. It takes some brass to paint the poor as selfish, you asswipes!!!

      grrrr, i has a mad.

      1. Botlrokit

        I think about how they describe the poor in merciless tones, but they never bring up numbers, as in "percentage of budget" that's spent on 'em.

    3. tessiee

      Upfisted solely for mentioning the Rude Pundit, who I had somehow, amazingly, forgotten about. Wow, he would have made the last month or two a lot easier to bear.

    4. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Romney campaign is dead, and the mouthbreathers are just at the "anger" stage of grief. There's some other stages, I think, like "denial", but these fuckwads are gonna be stuck on "anger" for quite some time.

  2. snowpointsecret

    All right, who installed these "feelings" on Mitt Romney right before the election?

    More importantly, why did they wait so long?

    1. cousinitt

      Who installed the emotion chip? A certain Dr. Noonien Soong. It didn't work any better in Lore, either.

  3. FNMA

    So what you're saying is Mitten's people were doing math to make themselves feel better as Republicans.

      1. glasspusher

        Nice, with a little built in lisp!

        The Romney folks thought they were skewed, but it turns out they were screwed.

    1. zumpie

      I even question the "huge crowds" and suspect it's pretty subjective. Maybe a week before election day, Munster was released from his "do no harm" tour of the Confederacy and spoke to a hot 600 people in his own state!

      1. bikerlaureate

        In FlorDuh, I'm sorry to say, there were some big-looking crowds.
        Now, if they picked venues that would look SRO with a couple thousand deluded souls in 'em, as compared to a stadium…

    2. DickWharfinger

      Bush's brain a.k.a. Trump's dick does not believe in science and mathematics, Obama's top-secret weapon. Turd Blossom I would not want hordes of billionaires out to harvest my stamen.

    3. wondering where i am

      Best sound bite from the election coverage: Bubble-headed blonde to Karl Rove: is that just math that Republicans are doing to make themselves feel better, OR IS IT REAL?" Fox news as the bastion of post-modernism. Is it real, indeed.

    1. Terry

      His first human emotion was probably joy over making lots and lots of money for doing little or no work.

    2. Negropolis

      He got his wish. He's a real boy, now. Took an ass-kicking of international proportion to do it, but he finally felt something beyond insatiable greed for once in his life, bless his heart.

      1. bikerlaureate

        He consistently positioned his ass for those kickings – here and abroad – unlike any national candidate I've ever seen.

  4. snowpointsecret

    So, here’s a hint, future presidential candidates of all stripes: you’re going to get at least 35 percent of the vote in every state of the union, which translates to hundreds of thousands of people.

    Unless you're facing a Mormon in Utah, in which case you forget it and just go to Ohio an extra time.

    By the way, these people really have gone home. Finally, it's nice and quiet here outside of the occasional screaming and crying from one John A. Boehner.

  5. Loch_Nessosaur

    Romney was shell shocked because Karl Rove had assured him that the voter suppression plan was firmly in place and turned up all the way to 11.

    1. Terry

      I hope that Adelson and the Koch brothers have old Karl on the carpet grilling him over the election.

      1. bikerlaureate

        Never grift a grifter?

        If "on the carpet" involves sustained emotional and/or physical duress, then yeah, it's a fair start to Turd's karma.

    2. tessiee

      Next step: Karl Rove applying for a job in a chapeau shop.

      "Nigel Tufnel: [on what he would do if he couldn't rock] Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or… or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know…
      Marty DiBergi: A salesman?
      Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like maybe in a, uh, haberdasher, or maybe like a, uh, um… a chapeau shop or something. You know, like, "Would you… what size do you wear, sir?" And then you answer me.
      Marty DiBergi: Uh… seven and a quarter.
      Nigel Tufnel: "I think we have that." See, something like that I could do.
      Marty DiBergi: Yeah… you think you'd be happy doing something like-…
      Nigel Tufnel: "No; we're all out. Do you wear black?" See, that sort of thing I think I could probably… muster up.
      Marty DiBergi: Do you think you'd be happy doing that?
      Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don't know – wh-wh-… what're the hours?"

      Edited: OH MY GOD, you guys! I just googled, "It's only a cracker college", and the first thing that came up was ITT Tech!

    3. LibrarianX

      I love that people give Karl Rove the time of day, or their money. He is a clown and a fool and he only wasted their resources!

  6. SheriffRoscoe

    Ann cried softly while Mitt spoke to the president? Drama!! Sounds like my mom and dad. Except substitue "president" with "dean."

    1. outragedcitizen

      Ya know, I could almost feel sorry for him until I remember that he can spend all day riding up and down in his car elevator then get on his yacht and go to the Cayman Islands to visit all his money.

  7. MaxNeanderthal

    Looks like listening to the purple pixies who live in the sparkly forest didn't work too well…

    1. starfanglednut

      This, in my mind, is the essential difference between right wingers and liberals. Right wingers genuinely expect reality to conform to their beliefs, and are astonished and infuriated when it doesn't. A liberal is more inclined to try to align their beliefs with reality, and make adjustments to their beliefs when evidence contradicts them. It has nothing really to do with what those beliefs are really, it's some kind of deeply rooted psychological difference between liberals and conservatives. This is why conservatives are destined to be miserable so often, because reality doesn't give a shit what people believe.

      1. Iam_Who_Iam

        Just out of curiosity I took a trip down memory lane and checked out the blog posts dating just prior to the 11/2/10 election at several different sites. You know what? You are completely right, there were no delusional posts about how we were going to win or win big. Folks had a handle on what was about to happen and were preparing themselves accordingly… go figure.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    They lost because they all forgot to click their heels together and say "There's no place like 1955" three times .

    1. Loch_Nessosaur

      I'm thinking more like 655 when the world was still flat and fear, ignorance and superstition ruled the day.

  9. delaney_blom

    like some sort of woo-woo Californian new ager.

    Romney's spent too much time on the beach in La Jolla.

    1. docterry6973

      It took me a long time to realize that the La Jolla that I read about was actually the La Hoya that I heard about. Am I white, or what?

      1. emmelemm

        That same thing happened to me when I first became aware of "La Jolla", which was many years ago now.

        /I am SO WHITE

  10. memzilla

    Who would have thught there weren't enough old, white, angry, underpaid, under-educated, rural misogynist men to constitute an electoral majority?

    1. weejee

      And that fading slice of the American landscape will continue to fade to young, non-melanin impaired, underpaid, over-educated, urban womenz. Note the common thread of underpaid. At some point absent change, hear us on that Hopey, that is going to lead to pitchforks and torches outside the McMansions of the 0.1%ers.

    2. Toomush_Infer

      "….old, white, angry, underpaid, under-educated, rural misogynist men…"did I vote for the wrong guy? I must not have gotten the memo….

  11. weejee

    Because it probably smelled pretty amazing at Romney HQ, right? All flop sweat and burning wires?

    And don't forget the magical underoos! The room in which poopyheads were weeping probly also had a scent of lots of diapers needing changing.

  12. LesBontemps

    Mitt Romney’s campaign got its first hint something was wrong on the afternoon of Election Day

    Jeebus, where had they been the previous six years?

    1. bikerlaureate

      Cashing his checks and trying not to smirk?

      They sure weren't doing competent campaign work. The mind reels.

  13. memzilla

    Best part of the election: NEVER HAVING TO HEAR AGAIN "Americans sent a clear message to Washington with the 2010 elections."

  14. Jerri

    Ha. Haha. Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah. Oh my sides!

    I have read this article 3 times since last night and it gets better every time. While their pain and ignorance doesn't sustain me, it is making this win so much sweeter.

    I'm going to go read it again.

    1. PsycWench

      I lectured in my Psyc 101 class yesterday about cognitive biases. I resisted the temptation to use the Romney campaign to illustrate almost every one of them (Self-serving? Check. Illusion of control? Check Confirmation bias? Check…) but kept it to one or two. I did admit to how use of these biases lead to 1.5 billion dollars being spent without results.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          "One and a half billion dollars."

          Pretty much all of it was removed from the bank accounts of billionaires, and pretty much all of it went promptly into the economy … that's a nice stimulus, from the very people who scream about Obama's stimulus program. Ohio should post some impressive numbers in the next BLM report.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Woohoo.. my schaden is totally overfreuded.
        Loved the guy with Mitt's toothpaste "R" tattooed to his face.

  15. deanbooth

    In his concession speech, Romney said Obama deserves congratulations, not "I congratulate Obama." There are some human gestures that machines are not yet capable of performing.

  16. Goonemeritus

    You left out the very best part, when cut loose staffers tried to buy tickets home the night of the election they found their Romney Campaign credit cards had already been canceled.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      And the part where the SS unceremoniously dumped them & Mitt and Ann had to hitch a ride in Tagg's car.

    2. actor212

      Oh, I hadn't heard that one. Last I heard was Monday, Mitt made staffers stand out in sub-freezing temperatures trying to hand out literature in Pennsylvania, even tho some had already developed frostbite.

    3. PsycWench

      I read about that this morning. I can't even muster up snark. Use them up and spit them out. Who does that?

      1. FNMA

        Who does that? Well, Mitt and just about every corporate greedhead in the country. People are an expendable resource.

      2. Texan_Bulldog

        Really and compare that to Hopey's speech to his staffers in Chicago where he cried because he was so appreciative of their hard work.

      3. Goonemeritus

        It really is cartoonish, it reminds of that poor senior advisor to Ron Paul who died of cancer a few years back. The medical bills bankrupted his family, as bitter as I am about the tone of the last four years discourse I sometimes am left speechless. The Republican strategy for several decades has been to deny Democratic administrations the ability to govern as Democrats. I say not this time. This election was a clear referendum on two competing philosophies and they lost!

          1. Goonemeritus

            When Republicans don’t have the house you don’t see them acting like Democrats. Look the truth is I am to the right of many here at Wonkette. I ring my hands worrying that if we ever had a true progressive majority in government that we would over reach and sow the seeds of our own destruction. President Obama is far and away the most inspiring President of my lifetime. All that said when you negotiate you don’t jump to your compromise position and then get beaten even farther to the right.

      4. BadKitty904

        I seem to recall another GOP-class businessman, very similar to Rmoney, commenting that those who were of no use to him, personally, would be better off to just die and "decrease the surplus population." He then went on to ensure that the debtor prisons and municipal workhouses were still in full operation…

        1. FNMA

          Hey, I worked for that asshole. One year, instead of raises, he gave us each a fucking goose. Fucking thing shit all over my house.

      5. tessiee

        I had a very nice co-worker who started working at Globalcompumegacorp right out of high school. By the time they decided they'd rather be doing something else with their money, and folded our team, she was in her late fifties, i.e., too young to retire anywhere but under a bridge, but too old to have much of a chance of getting hired anywhere else. I'm not saying this to be unkind to her, I'm saying this because she haunts me.

        Oh, yeah, before they threw her in the garbage can, they wore her down to nothing. She looked completely unrecognizable from the smiling, sassy image of herself in the group picture on her desk. She was at work every day by 7 or so, but she was exhausted, had several health issues, shuffled when she walked, spoke in a submissive mumble, and looked sadly at the ground.

        Sometimes, when things are going really badly, and I want to slouch and sigh, I stand up straight and tall and think, I won't be like her. I won't let the bad guys crush me. I won't.

      6. Guppy

        As Mitt's experience at Bain has taught him, failure is always the fault of the guys at the bottom, so it only serves 'em right to be stranded for building a failure of a campaign to begin with.

    4. tessiee

      No offense, but this is exactly the kind of thing that every single person on the Romney campaign would have accused Jews and Asians of doing.
      But then, all Republicans are big on projection anyway.

    5. WABishop

      That reminded me of a story told by Gerald Ford's son. In 1977 he was sitting with his Secret Service detail watching Jimmy Carter being sworn in. As soon as Carter finished the oath, they stood up, shook his hand, and left. He noted that you rarely experience such a far fall from importance to obscurity.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        There was a show on about a week ago called "Flipping the White House" and it covered the jarring transition that the First Family faces. SS detail changes instantly, as you say. WH staff moves on to the new crew. It has to be hard to deal with.

        1. Guppy

          I'm sure it's even harder to deal with when you truly believe that it belongs to you rather than the office.

    6. SuspectedDemocrat

      So the smart staffers who saw the writing on the wall and caught an early cab made it home okay, then.

  17. oenspiek

    If you come to deliver a concession speech, when you only have a victory speech prepared, you just might have Romentum.

  18. ElPinche

    No snark here. Thank Allah he lost. The world just dodged a disaster. Every old honky conservative tycoon threw billions of dollars at Romney's campaign and he still failed miserably. He probably did think unskewed polls was reality.
    Can you imagine translating that into policy??

    1. weejee

      It was those typhoons calling Karl Rove, that lead to his meltdown on Faux Newz. His phone musta been vibrating so much he started to get a hard-on. If he gets those, obvs.

    2. BadKitty904

      I sincerely believe that America just dodged a potentially fatal bullet. Those people are genuinely dangerous.

      1. tessiee

        And that's before you even BEGIN to consider how loony and racist the whole Mormon thing is. A friend's ex came from a family that was major bigwigs in the church (not the Romneys, though), and the inside view of them is creepy as hell.

        1. BadKitty904

          One of my bestest buds growing up (and my first secret crush) was the son of the local Mormon high priest. I'm very much aware of just how much of a literal cult the LDS church is and I'm going to be VERY interested, indeed, to see just how quickly the mainline churches return the Mormons to cult status, now that Mittens has failed them…

      2. PennyDreadful

        We've dodged a major bullet, for sure, but I am deeply concerned about the coming backlash. My optimistic side says that many of these people are keyboard warriors who will soon fade back into oblivion. I won't get into what my pessimistic side says, because, WE WON, BITCHIZ.

    3. fuflans

      i was going to be pretty fucking (butterbeer) upset if romney had won.

      i'm beginning to understand exactly why i made all those phone calls and spent those days in WI and MI.

    1. actor212

      I hope it hasn't fused to his neural net, or he's going to tell that "The Ferengi in the gorilla suit has got to go" joke over and over and over…

  19. mille derps

    I've been thinking about what a narrow miss we had. Egg & Tagg were the ones who talked him into running again, then they had to take over the campaign last month when it became apparent that running against BHO wasn't sufficient- they decided to shelter him from certain voices so that Romney wouldn't always be trying to 'factor in' the opinions of the last person he spoke to.

    This man must be one of the most credulous men on earth, but he tried to claim that Obama was naive?

    Deep breaths needed here- we are lucky to escape that one- now we need to support our president as he has to still do battle with these people who make up their own realities & ignore those stupid facts.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Yeah, and wasn't he supposed to be the numbers guy, during his corporate piracy days? How can you not add up something so clear – does lying to others mean that, eventually, you'll convince yourself?….

      1. mille derps

        Maybe he was still trying to figure out how to make those numbers profitable?

        "Well, if we sell off NC, we can probably afford PA…"

    2. James Michael Curley

      The most significant issue that people who are concerned about progress, bipartisanship, healing the country and fairness can do is to start promoting the idea that the Senate Filibuster must go.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I think the Filibuster can be kept, only they should make the threatener follow through and actually Filibuster. Once or twice going through that might make them think twice – or even actually make them think, period.

    3. bikerlaureate

      Eternal vigilance, etc.

      I'm already wondering if there's some part of the congressional candidate recruitment effort for '14 I could start working on now…

  20. Botlrokit

    They all were thrust on that stage without understanding what had just happened.

    Any chance this might help Republicans understand that whole rape thing better…?

  21. BadKitty904

    Sometimes I've wondered if we should feel bad for doing a little gloating…then I think on what *their* reaction would've been had they won.

    1. Living in Joy

      I thought that too. I normally feel bad for the loser, even John McCain (not Princess Dumbass of the Northwoods though, but I have to admit that I have a perverse liking for the stricken look on Ann Romney's face. It never occurred to her that they were less than entitled to the Presidency.

      1. zumpie

        I agree—I was more surprised by Jana Ryan being stunned. I thought she was supposed to be reasonably intelligent. Apparently none of them knew how to read polls (or anything else).

    2. Toomush_Infer

      Oh, my liberal kitty, no – let yourself go in this glee – it is positively therapeutic, and wonderful for the spine….also, it is the clean water which shrivels their witchery souls, so, please, gloat away….

    3. zumpie

      Considering the level of fatheaded bloviating, personal insults and trolling we saw for weeks over ONE debate performance, I hae no doubt they would've brought shitty dickhead to an entirely new level.

      I celebrate and feel zero sympathy!

  22. memzilla

    Oh dear Editrix, when should we libtards stop gloating and laughing and wallowing in Blau Schadenfreude? Days, weeks, what?

    1. FNMA

      Whenever a wingnut is crying bitter tears, I'll be there. Whenever a wingnut is pledging to disown any Democrats he may know, I'll be there. Whenever a wingnut throws a 24-minute tantrum on YouTube, I'll be there. Whenever the Fox News people bitch and complain about people wanting "free stuff," I'll be there.

      Laughing my ass off.

    2. Negropolis

      I'm going to gloat, but I'm hoping one of these days very soon the Obama turnout machine will finally lend itself to winning us congressional seats, because that's been a major disconnect. All of the energy gets sucked up to the top. They say Dems can't win back the House in 2014, or any time we have an incumbent president of the same party. I say let's make history. Again.

      1. FNMA

        Not to get all wonky on you here, but the main problem in Congressional races is that states, run by Republican legislatures, have gerrymandered the districts in such a way to guarantee that the GOP maintains an advantage. Look at the congressional map of my home state, Pennsytucky, for some guidance.

        1. Negropolis

          Yes, but why is this? Because, Dems (state and national) don't ever really have a plan for legislative and congressional races. They just hope that they win, and sometimes it happens, and more times it doesn't. We aren't ever as prepared on this front. It's not luck on the part of the GOP.

        1. Negropolis

          I never disagreed with the point, rather the priority. In presidential years, the energy has to go to the top for Democrats to win. BUT, we definitely need to start seriously contesting midterm elections. We hope to win midterms; Republicans plan to win midterms.

          If it's a choice between Congress and the presidency for Dems, I'll choose the latter every time. But, it doesn't have to be an either/or…we can make this an "and."

    3. MiniMencken

      I am planning on four full years of Schadenfreude, perhaps starting up a Schadenfruedebund in my town, where we will get together once a week to drink beers, sing Obama campaign songs and wear our old ACORN uniforms. But, really, every time I'll see a Romney/Ryan bumper sticker, a Rush Limbaugh billboard or simply look up into the night sky in the direction of the planet Kolob, I'll smile that little Shadenfreude smile to myself.

  23. Mojopo

    We should be allowed to cut into their regularly scheduled programming to deliver some simple facts. FOX News lied to them. Their polls were failures. Their blogs were wrong. Their leaders left them emotionally unprepared for this loss, because they believed their own myths. They spent billions of dollars for a bag full of nickels and gave up FL for PA. People have got to get a grip – we DO know what we're talking about!

    1. LibrarianX

      One (foolishly) hopes that they will blame the messenger and expand their sphere of information sources. But, I jest.

    1. Negropolis

      Oh my god, this just keeps getting better. I'm going to OD on schadenfreude if I'm not careful.

      1. Toomush_Infer

        I still feel like Jimmy Stewart standing in the front hall with the Christmas tree ringing, and envisioning the cut to old, crippled Mr. Potter in his dark, clammy hall, grimacing into the outer dimness – fuck him….

    2. Jerri

      Hahahaha I just imagined the creepy one* finally giving in to that sweet demon caffeine and manically demanding they be set off anyway, "No? Then I'll do it. I'll set them off myself! I must avenge Father!" he'd say to the firework man in the dark on the harbor.

      *Tagg? The one who looks like Bizarro Superman.

    3. imissopus

      I saw that last night and thought wow, setting off a celebratory display over the capital of a state where you have wicked low approvals and which you just lost by 23 points? That, as the Big Dog would say, takes some brass.

    4. WootInTarnation

      I wonder if the chair money they charged the media will cover the fireworks? Who am I kidding? Rmoney's probably consoling himself right now by scrolling through an itemized list of media charges and listing the fireworks (and permit) on eBay. That's how stingy rich people soothe their woes. That, and laying people off.

  24. BaldarTFlagass

    This puts me in mind of my favorite song from "The Music Man."
    ♫ Seventy-six sad trombones led the big parade!! ♪

  25. ph7

    I like the story, but I don't believe it. Mitt's team essentially abandoned Ohio the last two days to shore-up FL (which should have been locked up) and made a bizarre new last minute push in PA, which had been ignored for months. The PA push told me they knew OH was lost, and they were grasping for a last minute replacement.

    1. BadKitty904

      It may've just been me, but it seemed, in the last week or so of their campaign, they suddenly remembered "oh, yah, the browns" and started cranking out (poorly done) ads aimed at black and Hispanic voters. A bit late on your timing, there, kids…

        1. Toomush_Infer

          "The October Surprise Club" (I read the article)….isn't it usually the Cocktober Surprise Club?….I only ask because it seems a change of direction for the Republicans, and I like to keep on top of these movements….

    2. mille derps

      I think it's quite possible that many campaign staff were recognizing that the math wasn't leading to a Romney presidency, but I find it very easy to believe that the campaign nevertheless wanted to shelter Romney & Ryan from the idea of defeat. Who would voluntarily offer to be the messenger who needed to be shot? Besides which, this is a crowd that genuinely believes that saying it makes it so.

      And if the families/friends were in denial, what are the chances that they would allow any defeatist voices to get through to the candidates?

      1. bikerlaureate

        Rmoney didn't seem to be too receptive to remarks from The Help that disagreed with his existing internal narrative…

    3. actor212

      I disagree: if you believe there was a bubble around him, then going after PA makes a lot of sense. Why not run up the score and take a traditionally blue state (I think the last time PA voted GOP was Bush in 88), really grind liberals noses in it?

    4. Guppy

      Exactly, "Mitt's team." The grand vizir didn't let the sultan know what was going on outside the palace walls.

    5. fuflans

      i don't know, sounds about right to me. i mean they had clint and that stupid chair.

      but i do believe they bought into the 'democrats won't turn out'. hell i bought that.

  26. C_R_Eature

    Submitted For Your Approval:

    "It was eerie, you'd walk out of the press room, through the lobby out of the elevators, into the bar… There'd be a huge crowd in the lobby and only one person talking and you'd hear this voice saying, 'The mood at the McGovern headquarters… is extremely solemn and shocked… one of shock and depression… right now… Illinois has just fallen… California is gone, New York is gone…' They'd read this list of disasters and you knew their faces and what they were saying was on TV screens all over the country… It was like a televised funeral… I was feeling depressed… And John Holum came in. I could see that he'd been crying… and… he's not the kind of person you'd expect to see walking around in public with tears all over his face… That was the only time McGovern cracked. For about a minute he broke down and… and… and couldn't talk for a few minutes. Then he got himself together… He was actually the coolest person in the place from then on. Other people were cracking all around… Stunned, wall-eyed… there was nothing to say… just a helluva shock… you know…a fantastic beating… I remember, when Agnew came on, throwing something at the television set. It was a beer can… That was the last flight of the Dakota Queen and also last flight of the Zoo Plane. It was the trip back to Washington from Sioux Falls, which borders on one of the worst trips I've ever taken in my life… Jesus Christ… it was easily the worst scene of the campaign… There was something… total… something very undermining about the McGovern defeat… There was a very unexplained kind of… ominous quality to it… weeping chaos. People you'd never expect to break down… stumbled off the plane in tears… It was such a shock to me that although I'd gone back to Washington to analyze… I saw how ripped up people were… I decided to hell with this… So I just went right around to the main terminal and got on another plane and went back to Colorado."
    – Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72

      1. C_R_Eature

        Many Humble Thanks.

        I pull out '72 to read not only the uproariously funny stuff but to revel in his love for the descriptive possibilities of the English language and remind myself what a whip-smart political and social observer HST was.

        He could also run wild for days, meet filing deadlines, eat Acid and make it down to the convention floor, something you don't see a lot of these days.

        1. FNMA

          Miss Molly too. Back in the '80s, at a conference of some kind, I spent a long afternoon and evening with Molly and and a couple of other folks drinking our faces off in a hotel bar in Delaware. We were all supposed to be in meetings or seminars or whatever. Instead, hung out in the bar. Woman was funnier than hell. As if you needed to be told that…

          1. James Michael Curley

            I met her at College Station in ’81 or ’82 at a student think that my cousin’s husband professor got me an invite to. I was on a business trip to Houston and drove a rental Merc Cougar at 100 mph to get there, but, hey – Texas.

  27. vulpes82

    I didn't think it was possible to have a more junior league campaign than McCain 2008, but somehow I think this one might have topped it.

  28. Negropolis

    They'd have been better off diving from the entrails of goats.

    But, honestly, as a candidate who hadn't held an office in years, he's going to slip away more quickly than you think.

    1. mille derps

      For his sake, I hope he does manages to find some privacy in which to nurse his wounds.

      And if his wife & kids get Romnesia again & insist that he should run for office again because the country NEEDS him, I hope he has the balls to finally tell them no.

  29. SheriffRoscoe

    Look. Mittens really should have won this. Looking at the county map, our nation is a sea of red with small flakes of blue. The Mohave Desert is red, and that's practically half of California right there.

    1. Terry

      OMG, I've been seeing essentially the serious version of that argument on Facebook now since the election. A friend posted census data about where people actually live, but the wingnuts will have none of those actual facts clouding their theories.

    2. FNMA

      Colbert made that same argument, that Mitt won more square feet than Bammerz and therefore should have been declared the winner.

    3. ThundercatHo

      Amazing how many people don't understand that electoral politics is not based on square footage.

  30. Texan_Bulldog

    "…refresh Wonkette dot com constantly for cruel Mitt Romney coverage." This made me LOL & LOL & LOL.

    1. Botlrokit

      It's not as satisfying as the Sarah Palin coverage, in the wake of John McCain's plane crash, but it'll do.

      1. SuspectedDemocrat

        Come on, it wasn't McCain's fault that Maverick drove their plane straight into Bammer's jet wash, causing them to punch out disastrously.

    2. Mumbletypeg

      Especially coming from JFruh — who in person is as well-scrubbed boy-next-door charming and guileless that ever contrasted w/ his ability to crank out teh snark material in solid fashion~

    1. FNMA

      Oh, it’s so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise, and she’ll squirt it in her mouth, and then she’ll take an egg, and she’ll pop the egg in her mouth. She calls it a mayon-egg.

  31. weejee

    Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us

    One of the neighborhood saloons is serving a new cocktail, the Schadenfreude.

  32. Mumbletypeg

    I imagine the greatest collective sigh of relief among those spent GOP staffers is from those who can finally come out of the closet for their hero The Boss, whom they are passionately convinced will join Governor Christie in 2016 as his running mate.

  33. TootsStansbury

    Hopefully he will just go away and not run around pretending to ne alternate President like Walnuts did.

  34. BaldarTFlagass

    I hope someone does one of those Youtube parodies using that Hitler-meltdown scene from "Downfall."

  35. homoviper

    Romney and Ryan were found early in the morning of November 7th, spooning on a soiled Kluft Palais Royale mattress, a Kid Rock CD skipping in the stereo.

  36. tessiee

    "Turns out Romney really did write it at the very last minute, because, as mentioned, he literally thought he was sure to win!"

    Yup, yup, yuppers. This is who we want running the country; someone who is *completely unprepared* when things don't go his way.

    1. actor212

      I knew it as soon as Howard Fineman said the entire Romney campaign staff was locked away in a conference room.

      I turned to my daughter and said "He didn't write a concession speech. Now he knows he has to"

      This was before Ohio was even called.

  37. malsperanza

    And I thought McCain was clueless…

    The first hint that Romney was actually living in the Fox bubble was when he called out Obama in the debate on the failure to use the word "terrorists," when Obama had in fact used that word. It was so weird. It was as if the campaign pros were only reading Rasmussen polls and only listening to their own spin doctors. Could that be what …. ? Nah, no one could be that stupid, not even Stuart Stevens.

    The second inkling was when the Romney campaign threw itself into PA in the last week in a huge way: i.e., buying tons of ad time and blitzing the phones with robocalls sent indiscriminately to all phone numbers (including mine hahahaha). But not a single volunteer working the doorbells–no GOTV, at least not in the highly Republican districts where I was working.

    Is it Reverse Schadenfreude for me to say that I doubt very much we can count on such fecklessness from the GOP next time?

    1. actor212

      I had the same reaction when I heard him do that, and then I thought, "well, maybe he just forgot," but when he doubled down on it despite the fact that Crowley was *trying* to help him by mentioning that, yes, in fact, Obama said "acts of terrorism", well,,,

  38. George Peterson

    "felt a need to fix it to conform to their inner emotional truth like some sort of woo-woo Californian new ager."

    Or, perhaps, like some sort of… religious fundamentalist?

  39. BadKitty904

    We should bear in mind that these people haven't gone away – they're still here and they're still just as dangerous.

  40. Negropolis

    You know, the Hitler "Downfall" parodies are often overdone, but one with Mitt on election night would fit like a glove. That is truly how self-isolated they were.

  41. Chet Kincaid_

    "So, here’s a hint, future presidential candidates of all stripes: you’re going to get at least 35 percent of the vote in every state of the union, which translates to hundreds of thousands of people."

    Thank you for saying that, let's remember that as we constantly snark on throwing the South and the West under the bus/out of the Union.

    1. Mojopo

      Chet, a small part of me feels empathy for the people who are taking this the hardest. I felt the same way they did in 2000 and 2004. I know it's not cool to feel sorry for people who choose to be a-holes, but a part of me does because I really do want to lift them out of their intellectual wasteland. It's hurting them, and it's bad for the country. This is just like watching an addict spiral to the bottom and I can't do jack shit about it.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        In the end, people do have to take responsibility for their own "spiral". Years of personal experience on this one, for sure. If they don't want help, the can't be helped.

      2. mbatch

        Okay, I felt miserable and desperate in 2004, but I never thought Bush was the anti-Christ, nor did I claim he was part of some massive conspiracy run by the Illuminati. There's a difference in reaction here between the libruls in 2004 and the wingnuts today. These guys are truly scary.

        1. Mojopo

          I agree with you, completely. It's just that…their kind of crazy can be helped, they don't have to stay crazy. But they want to. That's sad.

  42. Chet Kincaid_

    Republicans might also take to heart that if you play Race Politics for 4 years, basing your entire political strategy on coddling White Racial Animus, insulting and disrespecting the first non-White President and wearing your contempt for minorities like flag pins, people will get angry enough to endure any length of polling place line to stuff all of that garbage back in your face.

      1. BadKitty904

        The best personal quote I've heard so far is from a Latin bud in Miami: "I had to take a day off from work just to stand in line and vote. And it was worth every minute of it just to crucify that bastard."

  43. Poindexter718

    At one point in this story it says that "Boston" –to use douchebag Halperin-speak one last time-was resisting capitulation because of bespectacled colostomy bag Karl Rove's brave stand against numbers on Faux. But the kicker is that Rove claims he was getiing his not-so-fast info from Boston!
    Thus, ironically, an endless feedback loop of douchebaggery among the homenids that could only be closed by Mittbot finally becoming self-aware and crying "Uncle" …

  44. BartStarrland

    Evaluating the electorate on its 'enthusiasm' is like evaluating a ball player on his 'scrappiness'. It means you have no fucking clue about evaluating anything.

    1. zumpie

      Yeah. Not to mention, I can't imagine any better indicator of enthusiasm than standing in line for 8 hours just to vote

    1. carolinaswamp

      Now and then here in South Carolina we get a sane statement by one of our senators. It is Lindsey Graham of course, because DeMinted just doesn't do sane: "If I hear anybody say it was because Romney wasn't conservative enough I'm going to go nuts," said Graham. "We're not losing 95 percent of African-americans and two-thirds of Hispanics and voters under 30 because we're not being hard-ass enough."

      1. vulpes82

        Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel sorry for Lindsey Graham. He's not an idiot, he knows what's what. But he's trapped. Trapped in the closet, trapped in his party, trapped in that whole world. But, then, HAM BISCUITS and fuck him.


    Do candidates actually plan their concession speeches in advance (WALNUTS aside)?

    thank you – the american people have spoken – thank family – thank volunteers – heartwarming anecdote – now is the time to come together – brief prayer – thank you and god bless america

    i yearn for the days of' " I believe [my opponent] has a heart, even though he believes I do not. I believe he is a good American, even though he feels I am not… The [people] have chosen his leadership, and I can only hope that that leadership will now become more decisive."

    1. MosesInvests

      BHO did, yes. Just in case. Because he's a rational guy who prepares for all contingencies. Which is why he's a good president, and Mittens would have been a disaster.

  46. Mittaplasia

    What? Leftover cold revenge again? Thanks; it goes great with my buttered Mitt toast…yummy! More, please!

  47. Misty Malarky

    God sent Sandy to punish the gay, Yankees, and other perverts.

    Sandy cost Romney the election.

    Sometimes I wonder about God.

  48. ThundercatHo

    One of the many reasons why I have no respect for Rmoney is that as head of the Republican party he could have, at any time, stopped the voter suppression efforts and he did nothing.

    1. BadKitty904

      Did nothing and said nothing. They freely and gladly cast aside any pretense of supporting the electoral process mandated by the Constitution they constantly *profess* to love…

    2. Negropolis

      Teh tea party doesn't take orders form anyone but their corporate overlords, and even then, only in code. For a party that once worshipped authority, their base has turned it into complete and utter chaos on the ground.

  49. Negropolis

    You know, Mitt believed in his heart-of-hearts that corporations were people, too. Well, he learned that people are people, too, my friends…and these people vote…and, sometimes, you can't buy that.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "…and these people vote…and, sometimes, you can't buy that."

      And sometimes you can't stop that!

  50. WABishop

    Earlier that night, an opposition mole whispered in Romney's ear: "Logic is a little tweeting bird, chirping in a meadow. Logic is wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad. Are you sure your circuits are registering correctly? Your ears are green!"

  51. OneYieldRegular

    This was all predicted in "The Turn of the Skew," that story in which a delusional governess, Republican Electorate, discovers that the strange children in her care, Mitt and Pauline, harbor some terrible secret they won't reveal and also appear to see ghosts. As she grows more and more deranged, Republican Electorate attempts to shield Mitt from his attempt to pay attention to one of the ghosts, Nate Silver, and a shell-shocked Mitt dies in her arms as she slides into insanity. The end.

  52. Mahousu

    It occurs to me that Romney has been running for various offices for almost twenty years, and has only ever won once – and even in that case, didn't run for reelection, because he knew he would lose. So why did anyone ever think he had a great political organization?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "So why did anyone ever think he had a great political organization?"
      He paid them to think that?

  53. ElPinche

    Just think…there are five Romney boys lined up ready to prove their trustfund didn't go to waste. Break out the heroin.

  54. wnstnbabe

    The RR signs are still up in sad, silent, desperate protest here in sad, silent ol' southern Virginny. Every time I see one of those signs I laugh and hoot and cackle and holler "LA-LA-LA-LOSER!" and lose control of my vehicle. Yesterday I almost hit a ford pickup with a McCain sticker on it. wtf!

  55. Yellerdawg

    I know the election is over, and I should be able to relax a little, but one nagging, unresolved loose end is still keeping me up at night; What happens to Lou Sarah now? How will she pull out of this? Will she and Rafalca ever overcome the social pressures keeping them apart?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      She is one step away now from swinging onto camera from a vine for her idiot fox interviews, dressed in leaves, big hair, and bondage shoes, gibbering and clawing and drooling like Cheetah with rabies.

  56. James Michael Curley

    The most significant issue that people who are concerned about progress, bipartisanship, healing the country and fairness can do is to start promoting the idea that the Senate Filibuster must go.

    This is a one shot deal that was blown on January 3, 2009 based on the idea that a few old blue dog democrats did not want to give up what they thought they may need some day.

    But the reality simply is that the Filibuster has become tyranny of the minority. Sure it's escalation into the process it became now was started by a handful of democrats in the middle of Dubya's terms to curtail the massive amount of judicial appointments republicans had blocked during the Clinton years, but it has to go.

    When the Vice President gavels the Senate into session on January 1 (May be two, I don't think the schedule has been set.) he must take rules motions from the floor and their disposition is handled with a SIMPLE MAJORITY. No possibility that the attempt to eliminate the Filibuster gets filibustered as occurs after the opening session.

    Obama needs to bring a bunch of recalcitrant Senators into line and kill this monster; this time truly with votes. I have been told by a reliable source that Biden supported killing it in 2009 but Harry Reid would have none of it. The gridlock that began at least resulted in an attempt to do a modified filibuster rule in 2011 but that lost due to the hit democratic Senators took in 2010.

    1. Guppy

      But the reality simply is that the Filibuster has become tyranny of the minority.

      You may be able to say that now, but that can't be said of a Republican Senate any time in the foreseeable future. The filibuster is a necessary evil in a Senate where seats aren't apportioned by population.

        1. Negropolis

          This one million times. A filibuster should be an actual filibuster. You should have to be physically present.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Here is a statistic I was looking for the other day, but electricity phased out for 12 hours again.<p style='mso-margin-top-alt:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:11.25pt;margin-left:0in;line-height:15.75pt;background:white'>“According to the Senate Historian's Office, the number of “cloture petitions” – a procedural step that sets up a vote to end a filibuster – was 68 in the two-year session of Congress running from 2005 to 2006, the last time Democrats were in the minority.<p style='mso-margin-top-alt:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:11.25pt;margin-left:0in;line-height:15.75pt;background:white;orphans: 2;widows: 2;-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;word-spacing:0px'>But that number has exceeded 100 for each of the past three two-year sessions, all of which have seen Republicans in the minority, peaking at 139 in the 2007-2008 session. There have been 109 in the current 2011-2012 session, with several more weeks of lame duck meetings expected.” <a href="” target=”_blank”>

  57. rebelyankee

    I keep thinking how awesome it is that I rewatched Buffy the Vampire slayer during this election, because I come back to the Buffy Bot zinger, "that'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!" anytime I see Romney try to react like a normal human.

  58. Ground Zero Mostel

    Back in olden times, when I was a thirteen year old McGovern volunteer, I really believed we were going to win and was shocked and upset at the New York campaign Victory Party at the Biltmore Hotel. Of course I hadn't actually spoken to anyone outside of New York, nor had I even looked at those things called polls which barely existed back in ancient times, and I was THIRTEEN.

    What exactly is their excuse?

  59. ttommyunger

    "… all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the reporters that they most want to sleep with." – With this particular crowd, I'm guessing Anderson Cooper's dance card is full to overflowing.

  60. rebelyankee

    The problem is we've seen every election cycle trend towards more and more outrageous lies that aren't shot down by anyone but "fact checkers" who are themselves immediately dismissed as partisan. There is nothing wrong with pointing out the sky is blue, the grass is green, and China doesn't own 55% of our national debt. The problem is, if you point out these facts, you are biased and carrying water for the other team.
    So on and so on it goes, until you come to an actual sociopath of a human being whose life was crafted by the money of his parents, whose career was made by leveraging government funds to downsize and sell off companies in trouble, and who actually thought he could spin that crap as "job creation." And he did! We had Democrats saying his private record was unassailable. It was most certainly.
    This is a man who surrounded himself with lapdogs and croneys, moreso than anyone I've ever paid attention while campaigning, and whose genuine shock over the "reality" of these results really just tells me he's a flipping idiot who was fortunate enough to be born into a wealthy family and thought that made him valuable to us.

    1. Ground Zero Mostel

      That explains Romney's belief. It doesn't explain why conmen like Rove, Dick Morris, and all those other empty suits believed their own bullshit as well. My better-half was convinced that some kind of fix must be in for them to be so blithely ignoring reality and was expecting voting machine reversals. He's still thinking that Obama must have actually won by an even bigger margin than we will ever know which destroyed the vast right wing conspiracy. Me? I think they were just deluded idiots.

      1. rebelyankee

        You make a good point. My initial thought was just that these guys believe partisan spin that is devoid of reality anyway, and they spin it out so furiously so as to confuse voters and influence news cycles as a way to help their candidate, and that's the spin Romney and his team believed (specifically from people like Morris).

  61. bloggingbalkanistan

    They were already planning Mittens' re-election campaign:

    Party leaders said they already had planned to poll voters in battleground states starting Tuesday night in anticipation of a Mitt Romney victory — to immediately begin laying the groundwork for midterm congressional elections and a Romney 2016 reelection bid.

  62. DahBoner

    Ah, yes. The familiar sound of Republican trophy wives weeping softly….

    …as I quickly climb out the window as Papa pulls up in the driveway.

  63. larrykat

    .. and in fit of inept and unexacting rage, Romney went out to his backyard and dug up the corpse of his dog Seamus and ceremonially beheaded and hung him, as the Royalists did to Cromwell.

  64. mustangsavvy

    I did start to feel bad for the conservatives but then my husband's friend's FB post this morning made me think better of it. He said that he, being a white male married to a woman and who loves Christ is now the minority. With lots of butt hurt.

    I thought…hmm….well fuck you very much dickhead, welcome to the new America. Where the bitches, the queers, the blahs, the hispanics and the asians plus the Jews, the Hindus, the atheists, the Muslins, non-insane Christians and every other person who doesn't look or think like you get to have a say in how the country is run. Suck it.

    1. bikerlaureate

      So a half-white male married to a woman who loves Christ wouldn't count… particularly if he's still living in the White House?

  65. rickmaci

    Fuck Mitt. Now maybe he understands something of what it feels like to be one of the workers he fired. Egg can cry but screw her too. Twitt doesn't have a job but at least she doesn't have to face the morning worrying about how she will feed her family.

  66. reweni

    The funny thing is that the unskewed polls guy's final predictions were *more* accurate than Romney's.

  67. valthemus

    I feel like I should have overdosed on schadenfreude by now, but this is all just SO. MUCH. FUN!

    Note to self: If I ever feel compelled to spend a year+ acting like an insanely boorish, sexist, racist, elitist, homophobic, bible-thumping, self-deluded dickwad, be sure to join the Republican party.

  68. usuhname

    Ah, to lick those sweet, sweet tears. Always best served from sacks of crap who've inexplicably made it their lifes work to piss over the little guy.

  69. ChessieNefercat

    Every other food or drink I have ever had in my life, no matter how tasty, at some point becomes too much. You get that old Alka-Seltzer feeling; Oooh, I can't believe I ate the whole thing…

    But this delicious Germanic dessert treat? This Schadenfreude? It becomes tastier the more I help myself. The flavors ever more delicate and entrancing, the fragrance more mouthwatering, and oh, the appearance; lovelier than any childhood fairyland confectionery delight! I just can't get enough! Mmm, tasty!

    Is it just me?

  70. Troglodeity

    My God. Can you imagine what a clusterfuck it would have been if the clueless people behind Romney had ever been in charge of a WAR or a HURRICANE RELIEF EFFORT or something like that? Oh, wait …

  71. Nostrildamus

    Doesn't bother to check whether the poll info he's getting is reliable. Doesn't bother to write a concession speech. Is Mitt perhaps one of those "lazy people who want free stuff" (like the presidency) we've all been hearing about?

  72. JulemryBoston

    And YAY! just read in the Boston Globe that Willard Mittens had a huge fireworks display set up in Boston Harbor for the moment when he would be elected Prez. It would be seen from the windows of the Boston Convention Center. But -so sad (not really) – Willard had to tell the fireworks guys to go home. Waaaahhhhhhh!

    Thanks for letting me know that Ann "You People" Romney cried. That's the cherry on top of the sundae. BWAA-HA-HA!!!!!!

  73. eaglewon

    I am so happy and relieved, in late october I got pretty nervous there for awhile, but I just relaxed myself and relied on Obama's team to figure it out, and to determine the right strategy. Well they did big time, those guys are some bad motherfuckers. They're much better than I thought. I really wish we could go for a third term, that would be really fun.

  74. YankeeMacDoodle

    "Turns out Romney really did write it at the very last minute, because, as mentioned, he literally thought he was sure to win!"
    Nothing sums it up better than this Hitler in the bunker scene (with all-new Romney captions) from "Downfall"
    Key line–"Gentlemen, if you think I'm going to give a brilliant concession speech, you're mistaken."

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