WHAT'S NEXT MAN ON DOG?  6:03 pm November 6, 2012

Nice College Students Defend Sanctity Of Giraffe-Tiger Marriage

by Josh Fruhlinger

Are giraffes boys or girls? We can never rememberHey, don’t forget: we’re not just electing a president today! We’re also electing a bunch of senators, many of whom have strong opinions about ladies who get raped, and some losers in the House too, ugh, who has time for those people, and, if we’re in Maryland, Maine, Washington State, or Minnesota, we also get to vote on gay marriage! Your Comics Curmudgeon was super psyched to yes on Maryland Question 6 today, if by “super psyched” you mean “pissed that the civil rights of his friends and neighbors are up for a vote but cautiously optimistic that it will pass.” ANYHOO the campaign here has been heavy on the “death to gays and those who love them” business. Maybe the antis should learn a little “Minnesota nice” from these furries!

These nice young men are on the Minnesota for Marriage Facebook page, identified as being at an “MFM Northwestern College Event,” Northwestern College being a Christian college in the Twin Cities area. We have no idea what the hell is going on here. We mean, we do know — these two hot furries are going to have giraffe-on-tiger sex, in a yiffpile, and then not get married, because that would be a sin — but we choose not to pursue the backstory. [MFM Facebook page]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 108 comments }

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I don't think these two should worry about gay or straight sex. They both seem perfectly unfuckable.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Wat? Even floppy bangs tiger?

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Yep, a gay man could fix her hair in a jiffy if she would just open her heart.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

That's a MAN, baby!

smokefilledroommate November 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Don't ya mean "in a yiffy"?

Fare la Volpe November 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

TOO SOON!!

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Oh, I have to differ with you there… Hatefucks count, right?

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Hatefuckers only count to 68. They are selfish like that.

DerrickWildcat November 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

There will be a lot of news today.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Calvin, please discipline that tiger of yours.

emmelemm November 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Super fucking full of win!

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Thank you. I've been saving up snark all day and have been feeling very constricted. The bad thing is I've got meetings all day again tomorrow so will not be able to participate in the festivities here (fingers crossed).

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I don't know how we'll manage without you. There will be much shrieking and rending of garments. Will you be here for live-bloog?

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Back and forth twixt TV and pooter. Yes, I am one of those still millstoned/albatrossed by a desktop.

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I call bullshit. Tigger's too hyper to be monogamous.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Without going into lurid detail, I actually dated one of the Disney World "Tigger" characters when I was in HS. And yes, Tiggers *are* bouncy.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Ya never know. Some of the, um, tiggerishest of them are also the monogamousest.

Naked_Bunny November 6, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Tigger is the only one, so he must indulge in cross-toy-species nookie.

Omophagist November 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

This is disgusting! Everyone knows that as soon as the giraffe is done fucking her, that the tiger will rip his throat out and then call for her kittens to eat his still quivering entrails.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

You say that like it's a *bad* thing.

Naked_Bunny November 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm

o/ It's the ciiiiircle of liiiife…. /o

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I dunno, those guys set off my gaydar, all the way down here in TX.

BumbleKid November 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Marriage = one tiger + one giraffe + one super fucking creepy dude in the background

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Creepers, always with the photobombing.

smokefilledroommate November 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I thought that was Tigger's conjoined twin, Half-Head.

Naked_Bunny November 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Also, the photogopher.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I'm confuzzled… wtf do tigers and giraffes have to do with gay rights?
Are these dolts supposed to represent the bestiality that invevitably follows from allowing gay marriage?

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Well, SOMEBODY has to.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

And it's a dirty job, too.

Omophagist November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

They're representing that if you drink Milwaukee's Best, the "Beast," you will most likely end up in a hot man on man on endangered African wildlife fuck and suck.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Omophagist November 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Only the part about Milwaukee's Best!

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

All of a sudden, you have my full attention.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Reacharound: you're doing it wrong, Minnesota.

iburl November 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Which one of these guys is the woman furry in this marriage scenario? … and what is that dude behind them up to? See what happens when we come to tolerate mormonism? Polygamist giraffes. I told you all.

Mittaplasia November 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Would it be wrong to speculate why you can't see either of his fists?

iburl November 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Yes, also do not speculate if he is wearing any pants.

Naked_Bunny November 6, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Silly. Republican men only take off their pants in the dark or in public restroom stalls.

snowpointsecret November 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Oh, how cute, dressing up to campaign for taking away human rights.

Ugh, seriously fuck these people, it's this kind of mindset that means I can't marry my girlfriend.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

This is not a yiff pile I would want to join.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Srsly. They're almost as bad as Santacon's Cheap Suit Santas.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Aside from the Green T-shirts they ARE dressed appropriately for Minnesota winters. However, seeing that it is deer hunting season they should avoid wooded areas… or not.

GhostBuggy November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

When trying get your bigoted group event going, maybe don't name it "MFM." Or maybe do, because it's hilarious.

emmelemm November 6, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I was a little confused by that myself.

GhostBuggy November 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I mean, why not just make it the "MFM/A/S/L Northwestern College Event"?

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Or better yet, MFM S&M B&D Club Glee.

SmutBoffin November 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Lemme just Google "M4M" to see what all the hubbub is about…

Mother of God.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Well … maybe Father.

smokefilledroommate November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

One man, one woman, and two male furries.

weejee November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Giraffes and tigers? Intercontinental miscegenation? And is that tiger male or female, can't quite tell, or my eyes are getting too old, so that would be ghey intercontinental miscegenation, sweet Jebus.

Here's hoping that all four states score wins for the freedomz.

Steverino247 November 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm

A tiger? In Africa?

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Uh … they didn't have any zebu costumes at Furries R Us.

Mittaplasia November 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

MFM = MotherFucking Maroons.

freakishlywrong November 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Who is the perv photobombing the bigoted furries? I hope he's gay.

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

The Facebook comments on these photos are full of win.

Mittaplasia November 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Pretty sure they use their personalities for contraception.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Pretty sure it's effective.

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Also, to all the smug Christian laydeez holding up signs in these pics: I really, really hope you all end up marrying guys who spend their evenings at truckstop gloryholes. For Jesus.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

It'll certainly give them all kindsa new insight into Michele BatShitCrayCrayMann's CrayCray Eyes.

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

See, this is what happens when you get homeschooled then go to a Christian "college"; being sheltered from the outside world, you of know nothing that exists beyond the hermetically sealed fundy bubble, like furries, and so you unknowingly make a fool of yourself by dressing as a particularly laughable fetishist. It's that kind of mindset that leads to calling your protest a rally for teabaggers.

YouBetcha November 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Frat boys. Six beers away from being gay.

red_kira November 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Three beers. :-)

Lightweights.

smokefilledroommate November 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Three beers and a Shirley Temple.

emmelemm November 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Not even six.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

*That* many?

MissTaken November 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Giraffe Seeks Tiger – mFm – 23 (Northwestern College)

any furries wanna hang out? 23 yo giraffe. 5'10 180 lbs. Uncut. Pls send pic of tiger

Location: Minnesota
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Terry November 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Josh, both the Dream Act and Marriage Equality will pass. Marylanders, we have our ups and downs, but overall we're moderate and nice.

GeorgiaBurning November 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Maybe overall, but not my crazy aunt who sends Glenn Beck links in birthday cards. Creeps out the kids.

Terry November 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

People like John Waters and my grumpy old liberal father balance your Auntie out.

GeorgiaBurning November 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Thanks! No snark.

imissopus November 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Yes! Save us from the horror of brony-on-brony marriage!

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

http://elections.nytimes.com/2012/results/preside

So. When, exactly, do I start screaming and breaking things?

smokefilledroommate November 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

When it looks like that with 99% of precincts reporting.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

IN and KY are expected to go for Miffed Money. NH is supposed to be a tossup. No worries so far.

Blueb4sinrise November 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Lemme know when they get to the jaguar/ capybara sexxy.

coolhandnuke November 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

In a related fuckwads with animals story here's this: From Politico “Asked on his final campaign flight whether he might get a puppy if elected, Romney said “one of the benefits would be to get another Weimaraner.”

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Hang on, wasn't the Weimar Republic full of librulz?

coolhandnuke November 6, 2012 at 6:30 pm

But but but, didn't Paul Ryan used to drive the Weimarmobile?

smellypossum November 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Northwestern College… Since when is MN in the Northwest?

They're northwest of Illinios. Maybe that counts.

Stupid Jeebus freaks in their fur pile.

Lazy Media November 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Wait a minute. The anti-gay marriage folks call their organization MFM? I would face-palm, but I might give myself a concussion.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Yeah, because BJs4M was taken.

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Sooo, just wondering, is sibling marriage legal in Minnesota?
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=4248992042

smokefilledroommate November 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Jesus, they look like the McPoyles.

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Great Brightfart's Ghost. I need rollerskates to keep up with this Wonket!

red_kira November 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

One (1) intolerant plushie. One (1) small-minded furry. Sounds about right to me.

barto November 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

OK "MFM College Event" goers, by definition MFM is NOT one man and one woman. Yer doin it wrong!

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Sweet fucking shit on a stick. You sure BOTH of those is guys?

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

The tiger isn't a girl???

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Do those look like girl tits to you? I mean, they're two flabby toads, but that chest is built all wrong for girl tits.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Hey, it's not like I'm some kinda expert on the topic or anything. 'Sides, they're both wearing what amounts to jumpsuits made of carpet remnants, so it's hard to tell…

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I've spent a lot of time looking at both kinds of tits (FOR SCIENCE!), and if that's a girl, I'd like to borrow her chest for an ironing board.

MissTaken November 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

*That's* what happens when you put fluoride in the water.

MittBorg November 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I hadn't figured YOU for a Portlandian, Miss.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Two M's in search of an F.

viennawoods13 November 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

"MFM Northwestern College Event"
ummm… they don't know that an MFM is a threesome, I'm guessing?

poorgradstudent November 6, 2012 at 6:27 pm

The worst kind of homophobes are the ones I can't get back at by fapping to :(

Pres.Beeblebrox November 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Can it be open thread tiem plz? So much to say about CNN's goofy Virtual Senate and their one-upping NBC by having the Empire State Building reflect the EV…

SorosBot November 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

So let's see what they're defending – it's slutty single motherhood and polygamy with water sports:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger#Reproduction

"A female is only receptive for three to six days and mating is frequent during that time period. A pair will copulate frequently and noisily, like other cats. The gestation period can range from 93 to 112 days, although the average is 104–106 days.[36] The litter size usually consists of anywhere from 1 to 6 cubs, though 2 to 3 is usually the norm. Cubs can weigh from 680 to 1,400 g (1.5 to 3.1 lb) each at birth and are born blind and helpless.[36] The females rear them alone, with the birth site and maternal den being sheletered locations such as thickets, caves and rocky crevices. The father of the cubs generally takes no part in rearing them. Unrelated wandering male tigers may even kill cubs to make the female receptive, since the tigress may give birth to another litter within 5 months if the cubs of the previous litter are lost."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giraffe#Social_life_

"Reproduction is broadly polygamous: a few older males mate with the fertile females. Male giraffes assess female fertility by tasting the female's urine to detect estrus, in a multi-step process known as the Flehmen response.

"Mothers with calves will gather in nursery herds, moving or browsing together. Mothers in such a group may sometimes leave their calves with one female while they forage and drink elsewhere. This is known as a "calving pool".[58] Adult males play almost no role in raising the young,[8]:337 although they appear to have friendly interactions."

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Um, about those T-shirts: We already have that.
When your fucking slogan is patently dishonest, maybe you should stop and wonder why it needs to be.

decentcitizen November 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm

There are a lot of interesting legal questions. That gay people should enjoy the same rights as the rest of us is not one of them.

TootsStansbury November 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Oh and fuck those two assholes. They just want to get in a threesome with an elaphant furry and a strap on, Those are two dudes? Really,

Sorry typing in the dark,

kissawookiee November 6, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Giraffes have 12" tongues.

– the only useful tidbit I ever learned from accompanying my son's kindergarten class on field trips to the zoo

LibrarianX November 6, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Aren't they totally baked?

elfgoldsackring November 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Nostrildamus November 6, 2012 at 7:11 pm
DixvilleCrotch November 6, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Fuck, marry, kill (with votes)… goes to which ones?

Naked_Bunny November 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Furverts.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 10:35 am

I can't see where their other hands are, but those smiles tell the tail, I mean tale.

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