So this is the time in the election cycle when all the variously well-compensated pundits start actually making concrete predictions about how elections will go, for fun. Most, despite having spent the last several months explaining that nobody could possibly know the outcome of this extremely volatile election, come up with reasonable numbers that track suspiciously closely to one another. But some take their own path! And one of those people is Jim Cramer, whom you may know as “the guy whose show is supposedly about investing but seems to be mostly a manic bald man barking nonsense and pressing noise-buttons.” Cramer thinks Obama’s going to win. Like, really going to win. Win all the states. Does he know something we don’t?
Cramer’s predictions were slotted without comment in the Washington Post’s little Crystal Ball contest. One of these things is not … like the others?
How will Obama get to 440 electoral votes? Sadly, but predictably, these pundits don’t have to back up their predictions with even the most rudimentary of math, but National Journal’s Jim Tankersley offers one possibility:
So, sleep easily tonight, anxious liberal weenies! Jim Cramer, who probably loves Ron Paul and is ruining America, and who is in the grips of some kind of wonderful mania at all times, predicts an Obama landslide of epic proportions. [WP via BI]
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"My button-pressing machine tells me Obama will win 20,000 electoral votes!!!!"
Boi-oi-oinngg!
NEEDS MOAR UNSKEWING!!! Cramer was an Obama supporter in 2008 if I recall correctly.
Yes, Cramer's a Dem. It actually pained me to watch John Stewart skewer the guy when it was Rick Santelli who really should have been sitting in the hot seat.
"Does he know something we don’t?"
Yes. Where to get the best quality "stuff." *wink**wink*
Damn, now I'm nervous. The one time I listened to him I bought Intel at $45/share.
And that was a problem?! Remember, "the poor shall inherit the earth".
Wait, how do you get a job as a useless television idiot again? I am uniquely qualified.
If you post here, by definition, you're not a useless idiot.
Well, not an idiot.
Tommmcatt_Again is Sarah Palin! On Wonkette now!
You can write a coherent sentence – you are not qualified to work on tv.
Look, head trauma patients need jobs too…
I hope Mitt loses by eleventy billion so I don't ever have to listen to his lip-smacking tic ever again.
You always notice these little tics of political assholes, and once you mention them, I CAN'T UN-NOTICE THEM.
There, there, baby-doll… *pets Fare*
How about the Ryan grunt, between sentences? Huh? Noticed that one yet?
Ryan also does a neck and shoulder shimmy when he's lying his dick off.
Right?! "Mwell (schlorrrp), lie lyington liedy liedy lie!"
"Now that my political career is over <smack> I have decided to work with Bill Clinton to fix the world <smack> so I'm your new neighbor here in <smack> Harlem. Nice to <smack> meet you Limeylizzie, please alow me to present you with a gift of Egg's delicious <smack> jello mold."
Hi there Mittens, welcome to the 'hood and may I introduce you to a little something from my homeland, the Glasgow Kiss ? Oh , and Egg can just shove that jello down her refined cakehole.
Ha! I had to look up Glasgow Kiss. LOVE it!
It's really good when said by a Glaswegian! Glasgae Kiss.
Or his (horse) whip-cracking bitch wife either. I am as sick of her as I am him.
Yes, Ann, "it's our time" to make sure we never hear from you in the public sphere again!!
He's already said that this is his last race, that you won't have Mitt Nixon to kick around anymore.
Yeah. Nixon said that too.
You are the meanest girl on the Wonkett, and it pleases me greatly that you are in attendance.
Wow and there are some mean bitches on the Wonkette, ElviouslyQueer I'm looking at you, so I am honoured!
The day Texas settles on a black man is the day Romney settles on an opinion.
The day Gingrich renounces poon. The day Marcus Bachman leaves his wife – for another woman. The day Sarah Palin shuts the fuck up.
Last month I made a comment on the Wonkette that I would run naked down the street if Obama took Texas.
Maybe I should have been more diligent about working out.
Meanwhile Mittens and his team (er, sons) are celebrating a "Don't Buy!" call as if it were the actual election.
Seriously though, Cramer is high. Not as high as the guy who "runs" Unskewedpolls though.
That's what I thinking, too. His version is still more plausible than the unskewed polls one.
I first thought that pic was of Louis CK from SNL this weekend.
Ha, so did I!
Hopefully Louis CK himself won't see this comment. I can't picture much worse than to be mistaken for Cramer.
Mitch McConnell?
Shit. That asshole is always wrong. I remember reading a magazine piece some time back that concluded that if you took his investing advice, you'd be living in a cardboard box under a highway overpass.
Don't worry; that just means Obama's victory won't be a 64-style total complete blowout, which we already knew.
I don't know about you, but my overpass is a really nice neighborhood. I was able to find some R13 insulation: makes a nice blanket for my Kenmore refrigerator box.
Thanks, now I'm worried. This is the same guy who
toldscreamed at people to buy Lehman and Bear.Really this guy is couldn't pick a winner if the fix was in and someone shared it with him. I am scared over this.
Sheesh! And I thought I was optimistic picking Obama and 305!
I'm calling 275. I think we should have a Wonkette contest. They got a cute little interactive electoral map at CNN http://www.cnn.com/election/2012/ecalculator#_
http://www.270towin.com/2012_election_predictions…
That's a good one. Thanks for the linky
Oh shit, Obama is done, this asshole can't pick his nose let alone a stock or the presidential race.
Alert Jon Stewart Cramer's on the loose again!
One of the more awesome take downs of a bullshit artist I have ever seen. And then when Cramer went on the show, it was like cat play with a three legged mouse.
Stewart goes waaaay out of his way to be nice to lots of guests that do not deserve it.
Good for Stewart to occasionally actually "shoot a hostage" to reinforce just a bit of seriousness.
Has Mitt announced for 2016 yet?
Ugh. My liver begs you. Let's get through this shit first.
No snark, I don't think Ann Romney could do it again.
This is why you don't want money men anywhere near the White House.
You guys, no worries. I played The Political Machine this morning and Obama beat Romney handily.
Of course, in my simulation, Romney picked Richard Nixon as his running mate and Obama picked Storm from the X-Men.
Storm with the bangs from the cartoon, or Storm with a mohawk?
IF STORM IS HIS RUNNING MATE HOW COME HE COULDN'T PREVENT HURRICANE SANDY????!!!11117
HURRICANE SANDY WAS AN INSIDE-OUT JOB!!! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Jim Cramer is why you should never mix your cocaine with antifreeze.
Rats!
*tossing Prestone*
That's why I always snort my antifreeze straight up.
Actually, Josh, re: Texas.
There are rumblings out of Texas that the GOP is going to contest voter registrations wholesale because of the
wetbacks crawling across the Rio Grande just to vote, then slinking back to Juarezinflux of Latino voters in the last decade.Plus, all the black people.
You are not helping my anxiety!
Cramer, March 11, 2008: "Bear Stearns is fine!"
I'm still guessing it will be Pat Buchanan in the WND men's room with the candlestick.
That's no candle…
This prediction is at a Bill-Kristol-level of accuracy, I am so sure. Texas? FFS.
In fairness, we don't know that Kramer didn't
pull a number out of his asscarefully weigh the alternative paths to 440+ without Texas. For instance, Obama could take Tennessee, South Carolina, Kansas, Idaho and North Dakota too.This guy vehemently liked Bear Stearns at $65 two days before it zoomed to…$2
I love that the only WaPo columnist who picks Romney is the fucking horse racing reporter….
He got a tip from a jockey who's real sincere,
Can do, can do, this guy says that Mitt can do…
Getta you Tootsie Frootsie! Getta you icea cream!
He is a Rafalca Whisperer.
Kinda OT, but I'm really looking at Romney supporters with an extremely jaundiced eye. Unless you're an obscene plutocrat, you have no business voting for this assclown. Therefore, people I heretofore gave the benefit of the doubt about being racists are now making me look at them funny.
Though it is impossible to accurately predict the outcome of such a close election I foresee the winner being chosen by the candidate that wins the most electoral votes.
I so could be a Pundit, why won’t any hire me to be a pundit?
Network Exec: "Hmm, it's generically non-specific enough…but can you set it to song?"
Chuck Todd is now extremely nervous.
You can start by pronouncing it "pun-dints" (ducks flying bricks).
Needs moar "Ohio is a tossup even though Romney is consistently losing polls in that state, because he really needs to win it in order to get elected".
Oh good. Obama will win South Dakota. Because a president can't really feel presidential without winning that crown jewel of a state.
This is a reminder that there just aren't enough shouty people on TV.
I don't remember Kramer being like this when he was on Seinfeld's show.
I just volunteered to spend a few hours at the local OFP office today and tomorrow. If you've got some free time, why not join us? Pics or GOTV!
This is the first sign that the Obama campaign is in trouble.
Guy Kawasaki –Technology entrepreneur and former chief evangelist for Apple.
Wow, Apple had a forbidden fruit department.
Kawasaki used to go around handing out Apple logo stickers. He was like the Johnny Appleseed of computers, only useless.
When Kawasaki gives you Apples, make apple schnapps.
John "Daring Fireball" Gruber now has that job on the downlow.
That's funny. The only sound effect I usually associate with Jim Cramer is this one.
I laffed.
That was an interesting chart. Everyone except a horse-racing columnist and a Republican Strategist has an O win.
Nate Silver and Sam "Wang" Wang's Princeton Election Consortium have O with mad probabilities of winning.
So why do the various media outlets keep saying this is a Horse Race, Down To The Wire, Too Close To Call?
One word: RATINGZ, yo.
right? though every once in a while a mask slips. just listening to random bbc blather – bbc who've been headlining 'deadlock', 'down to the wire', 'cliffhanger'. well this one interviewer actually noted (to a republican pollster) that all the polls have been stable for bamz and nat'l are trending in his favor.
swear to god it was the first time i've heard that on any program on npr.
i am so sick of this.
.
You and me, flans. If I never hear that little chuckle of Mitt's again, the one he deploys when someone asks him a question that he obviously resents answering, (usually about any of his policies or statements, past, present, or future), I will be one happy mofo'.
I will be however, be poll checking in my swing state to make sure none of these folks, of a particular political party, try any bs in my own voting place. This voter ID crap has got to go.
Speaking of horseracing, I expect Rmoney to pull off a big "Game on Dude" performance tomorrow.
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
Fuck my state, (just, always, but Fuck Bama particularly here) it can't even get turned to nothing good in a fucking fantasy dream sequence by a coke-head. Just, great.
Also, why is Nebraska Green?
Split electoral votes. I think the Cornholers and them in Maine get to do that.
All the states should do that. It would make more people's votes count.
It splits its electoral vote proportionately
Fuck your state's $500 ambulance rides, too. When are the police gonna send me a bill, I wonder?
Because it clearly takes meth to make al-Abaghma look good.
I thought Jon Stewart sliced open this man's stomach and made him eat his own intestines on live TV some time back; how did he survive that?
Well, see, Carl missed when he shot him in the head and Cramer turned into zombie Cramer…
He was renaimated by Tucker Carlson, the Tewerpiest Lich Necromancer.
Maybe his election prediction was based on reading his own entrails.
Dangit… I used the T***g word.
Here is what I meant to say:
Maybe Kramer thought this was a theoretical Malia Obama vs. Tragg Romney 2058 race?
I wager 500 quatloos on Malia to win.
Apparently Zombie LBJ has ordered some of his boys to "count" the votes in Texas.
this is a guy fawkes day celebration we can all get behind.
Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
Neo-con treason and plot!
I see no reason why neo-con treason,
Should ever be forgot!
You know, I'd love for this to actually happen, but I try not to confuse what I want to be true with what is actually true.
You'll never make it in the GOP with an attitude like that.
Good.
What are you, some kinda radical?
Pundits hotly debating now what we will discuss AFTER the election. My guess, the next election cycle will begin immediately after everyone writes their piece on why X's campaign failed, etc.
Here's my fearless prediction: Obama won't carry a single county in Appalachia, any state where ranching and oil production are major industries or where Mormons make up more than 10 per cent of the population unless gambling is legal there.
Harry Reid libel!!
When I go for the sound effect all I get is silence. Cancel my subscription… well I would if I had one.
Wonketter front page today is scored at two guffaws. First there is the "many pills" quip, then there is the cartoon rendition of Todd Akin's id.
WND Alert: "John Bolton 'very confident' in Romney win" BUT stills cautions 'I think it's critical that everybody get out and vote'.
Nah, the Republicans have it in the bag, no need for them to bother.
Agreed. They should just go ahead and start boozing it up in celebration.
I think he meant to say, "It's critical that only a few people get out and vote."
I'm going to spend all the money I made following Jim Cramer's investing advice and buy drinks for everyone on the Wonkete.
I have made some really great money playing contrarian to Cramer. Jesus, I hope he's wrong this time!
Don't need 440, 270 is just fine!
Who does he like in next week's Bears/Texans Sunday night matchup?
Bears 173, Texans 4.
The way they sodomized the Titans yesterday, it wouldn't surprise me.
Personally, I'm waiting for the anonymous "leaked exit polls" on The Daily Caller tomorrow that show
John KerryRomney winning by eight points. I think Chief Editor Korir has those already.He really is a nasty piece of work.
Jesus, I'm pretty bullish on Obama's chances but that's not even reality.
And Nebraska goes for a Green Party candidate? Kramer's lost in a Twilight Zone episode. "Submitted for your consideration, imagine a world where…."
"Can I just butt in and say here that it's probably the last time I shall ever appear on television."
"No I'm afraid you can't, we haven't got time. Just to bring you up to date with a few results, er, that you may have missed. Engelbert Humperdinck has taken Barrow-in-Furness, that's a gain from Ann Haydon-Jones and her husband Pip. Arthur Negus has held Bristols. That's not a result, that's a bit of gossip. Er…Mary Whitehouse has just taken umbrage. Could it be a bit of trouble there. And apparently Wales is not swinging at all. No surprise there. And…Monty Python has held the credits."
Hard to say who is the bigger idiot — Cramer for picking Obama to win 440 electoral college votes or Leslie Sanchez and Andrew Beyer for picking Romney to win the electoral vote.
Nebraska's going Green?!
It's mold.
No, corn smut, which is an actual thing and not something that Nebraskans do to one another on football weekends.
Damn! If only Obama had scheduled rallies in Alabama and Mississippi, maybe he'd win them too.
In other election news: Campaigning in Sanford, Fla., Romney promises "a better tomorrow," borrowing from Colbert's super PAC slogan. Per Headline News, just now.
No, even closer, "A better tomorrow, tomorrow". Stephen will be SO proud!
Yep, I shoulda tomorrow-checked my post. Tomorrow.
He forgot Utah. Mormons are tired of Mitt's namby-pamby smirk and plan to send a message via a vote for the, ahem, marked candidate.
Texas AND Florida? I feel faint…
This map is my new computer wallpaper.
Please oh please let TX go blue! Imagine the
wingnut heads asploding over that, several
being family members.
Does anyone believe anything Jim Cramer says?
Forget Texas – Georgia?!? At least with Texas you could pull out the "emergent Latino electorate" theory. Aside from Atlanta, are there huge numbers of non-crazy people there?
OH FUCK.
I have never agreed with Jim Cramer about anything and if he thinks B. Barry Bams is going to win…
Somebody hold me. So cold, so frightened.
WIN ALL THE STATES! http://tinypic.com/r/2agoxfb/6
He's wacky as Cosmos Kramer but without the racism.
Oh yeah, Georgia will go Blue: when the Pope has a fucking kid.
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