FEATHERED TRAITORS  2:35 pm October 9, 2012

Good Job, Barry! Big Bird Totally Voting For Romney Now

by Josh Fruhlinger

Swing voterOh hey liberals, remember how in the opening moments of the first presidential debate Mitt Romney was all like “I love Big Bird, but he should not be paid for with taxes,” and you thought this was hilarious, but then Obama started losing and then you peed your pants and launched into a five-day crying jag? Well, Barry’s handlers want to bring you back to a kinder, gentler time, when Mitt Romney was just some stiff doofus who was going to lose so bad in November, and not the guy who was literally going to murder you in your sleep, with his Presidential gun. So they made an a jokey ad where they made fun of Romney wanting to get rid of Big Bird, ha ha! Only … now they’ve managed to piss off Big Bird.

Here, here is the ad, and isn’t all in good fun?

Oh except WHOOPS the people at Sesame Workshop and no doubt PBS in general are … a little sensitive about having their doings dragged into electoral politics, maybe because they would like to keep their jobs when a Republican is elected president, as one inevitably will be, some day?

Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns,” the group said. “We have approved no campaign ads, and as is our general practice, have requested that the ad be taken down.”

Gah, whoops! Good thing strictly enforced voter ID laws prevent felt anthropomorphic beast-things from voting. (Also, all the Sesame Street humans are total liberals, just like you always assumed.) [CBS]

 
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{ 90 comments }

nounverb911 October 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm

And Mitt's going to totally have Big Bird for Thanksgiving dinner.

Terry October 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

He needs to cook a bird that big to feed all the future inhabitants of his planet. Excuse me, he needs to have his help cook such a bird. I can't imagine old Mitt in the kitchen.

finallyhappy October 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

yeah, that is like the California Tortilla "contest"- you can pick the Mexican meatloaf that Ann made for Mitt- as if Ann even knows what a kitchen is.

Texan_Bulldog October 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I dunno. He's pretty big to put in one of those turkey beheader things Snowbilly made so famous.

samedwards_net October 10, 2012 at 1:42 am

Why have Thanksgiving dinner when Job Creators have no one to thank?

hagajim October 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Big Bird Bails when Brought to Bear: Breaking!

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Elmo, on the other hand, will cut a bitch and volunteered to appear.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Elmo just likes to tickle people to death.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm

That was when he still had a comfortable house to go home to.

trondant October 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Now he just hangs out in Central Park all day screaming at people about joos.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Elmolung my friend, don't you start away uneasy….

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm

You'd think that Oscar would share his garbage can.

finallyhappy October 9, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Elmo's guy is the large black Kevin Clash from Baltimore

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:09 am

If that's true, why didn't we ever see Elmo on The Wire?

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

What are they going to do, heh? Pummel Obama with their furry/feathered little fists?

BlueStateLibel October 9, 2012 at 3:03 pm

No, Big Bird will let his cousin this guy – http://tinyurl.com/9okzv3c – have at him.

The_Peckerwood October 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

On the verge of a world monetary collapse… on the verge of war with Iran…. global economic failure…. NDAA…. Patriot Act….. record unemployment… what is the media yapping about?

Big FUCKING Bird…. no wonder we're god damn doomed.

Joshua Norton October 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

The main reason Romney-ites claim he is winning is that it feels so much better than panicking.

fuflans October 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

yes. i feel that.

mrpuma2u October 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Big Bird is going to come crashing into the next debate riding Snuffalupagus and trample both candidates.

alteredimages October 9, 2012 at 7:51 pm

But since only kids can see Snuffleupagus, it's gonna look a bird that big can actually fly… Also, i demand to see Oscar smack a bitch.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Is Big Bird one of the varmints that Mitt Romney likes to hunt?

nounverb911 October 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Has Mitt figured out which end of the shotgun to hold yet? (With votes, just in case someone gets annoyed).

gurukalehuru October 9, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Why, yes. Yes, he is.

Serolf_Divad October 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm

And in their next ad, the ghost of Mr. Rogers will strangle the ghost of Andrew Breitbart with his cardigan.

ChillBill October 9, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I still can't tell the difference between Ann and Big Bird.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Big Bird's the nice one.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Egg wears clothes.

CthuNHu October 9, 2012 at 4:53 pm

When Big Bird got laid, —

– the gods didn't avert their eyes in horror.

– the soundtrack was "Cluck cluck cluck clu-CLUCK!," not "Ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha."

– no batteries were required.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:11 am

Big Bird shares.

ElPinche October 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Big Bird = Hitler

weejee October 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Guess Big Bird was too yellow for hardball politics.

mille derps October 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Well, we THOUGHT Romney only hunted small varmints, but it looks like he's going for bigger game after all.

How's that Etch-a-Sketch thing working out for ya, Romney?

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Don't make Big Bird angry, you would like him when he is angry.

YouBetcha October 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

DGAF. Honestly, seriously, DGAF. Bert & Ernie could launch into hardcore gay puppet porn on tomorrow's Sesame Street, and I still wouldn't GAF.

DerrickWildcat October 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

It's not cool to make fun of birds. This is a fact I think.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm

It's a good thing the candidates are staying focused on the real problems plaguing this country.

savethispatient October 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Of course, the take-down notice just extends the coverage of the rather silly ad, so JOB DONE?

weejee October 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm

The clear logic of asking for forgiveness rather than permission.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Big Oil, Big Banks, and now Big Bird. Is there anyone that Obama hasn't offended?

Ryy October 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Last time I saw Sesame Street the humans were are black and some sorta brown accenty whatev, and it was in some big city like Chicago. So clearly, Acorn and food stamps and socialism.

SmutBoffin October 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Noted entertainer Dr. Teeth (and his band The Electric Mayhem) are, however, available for campaign events.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm
SmutBoffin October 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

That made me sob a little. :^(

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Everyone knows that anthropomorphic beast-things have a liberal bias.

alteredimages October 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Except Grover, who's a pothead Libertarian. You just know it.

nonbeliever7 October 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I think Big Bird maybe needs a Chik-Fil-A make-over.

sbj1964 October 9, 2012 at 2:49 pm

It dose not appear to be a problem the Bird will be around longer than the month of November unlike Mittens.

ThankYouJeebus October 9, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I just keep flashing to Foghorn Leghorn scolding Bammers:
I say, I say, what's the big idea, son?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

This should nail down the preschool/stoner vote.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Going on unemployment will work out well for Oscar the Grouch, since he is already so underprivileged as to be living in a garbage can.

Oblios_Cap October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Romney better stop fuckin' with the big Bird. That Yellow Menace will shove his beak so far up Willard's ass that Romney will have a yellow tongue.

elviouslyqueer October 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns,” the group said.

Oh please. Everyone knows that Bert and Ernie are totally representing Big Gay.

YouBetcha October 9, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Velvet Mafia? Felt Mafia, actually.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:13 am

They are definitely in the pocket of Big Gay.

Callyson October 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Brought to you by the letters F U C K R O M N E Y.

CthuNHu October 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm
dcjdjay October 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I thought Romney brought Big Bird into the debate.

This group needs to get off its high horse. If Romney wins, Big Bird will need to prostate before Kelloggs just to get on the air.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I'm waiting to see who Snuffleupagus endorses.

HempDogbane October 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Yellow journalism at its worst.

Crank_Tango October 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Keep fucking that giant gay yellow chicken you guys.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm

w i n.

owhatever October 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Has Big Bird ever shown us his long-form birth certificate? He's bright yellow. His show is paid for by money from China. Hello?

SayItWithWookies October 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm

First they came for Big Bird — and I said nothing, because I had a corner on the honey-mustard market.

Schmannnity October 9, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Peckerhead.

kyeshinka October 9, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Telly Monster seems like the kind of guy who would vote for Romney. Just something about that whiny bastard really rubs me the wrong way.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Meanwhile, Republicans on Sesame Street are planning on suppressing the Muppet vote.

poorgradstudent October 9, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Seriously, everyone…PBS DOES OTHER THINGS! (Awesome Terry Jones documentaries, for one…).

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Meh! That's what H2 is for now.

PS "TLC" (used to be called The Learning Channel") was actually started by HEW and NASA to provide education on cable as PBS was starting to lose the thread. Now they show Honey Boo Boo. Keep that in mind.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:15 am

But, nothing quite has the impact of the idea that Romney is going to make your children cry….for freedom. Nothing.

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 3:11 pm

100% of muppets pay no taxes!!1!

bfddad October 9, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Somewhere out there is an "Osama Bird Laden" joke just waiting to happen, but I can't think of it for the life of me.

weejee October 9, 2012 at 3:13 pm

This Take Down Request was brought to you by the Enron and the letter z.

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Every program on PBS in, say, 1984, is now an entire cable network. PBS could fund itself by suing all those motherfuckers Steve Jobs-style.

muthalovin October 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Grover strikes me as a Paultard.

deanbooth October 9, 2012 at 3:16 pm

The Learning Channel was originally government funded but was privatized in 1980. If Romney wins, Big Bird will be replaced by Big Foot.

Whttevrr October 9, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Stupid Bird! I hope that tall androgynous feather fuck is ready to go to war!

Antispandex October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

"Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns,”…..

See? I LOVE that. So very like Americans, in America today, that you remain nonpartisan, even when people want to put you out of a job! That, I think, represents American politics, in today's America, better than any old lame campaign ad ever could!

Redgyal October 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm

And yet churches aren't afraid to endorse a candidate. Some non profits didn't get the memo.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:17 am

No, it doesn't speak to America, but American liberals, who will roll over to show you their bellies so that you may gut them, and then they'll apologize for not rolling over fast enough.

Come here a minute October 9, 2012 at 3:30 pm

My Fargo North Decoder ring translates “We have approved no campaign ads, and as is our general practice, have requested that the ad be taken down" to "Fuck Mitt Romney and the horse he danced in on — VOTE OBAMA!!!"

AnAmericanInTO October 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Didn't stop Big Bird from appearing on SNL on Weekend Update, no less. Yeah, that's not putting yourself in the middle of a campaign.

Redgyal October 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Speaking of muppets, I have proof that Cookie Monster is really from the Caribbean. http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=FXB5BWG3JxM&de

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Just keep fuckin that chicken, Mittens.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:07 am

This proves Sesame Workshop is a liberal organization. Only a liberal organization would attempt to distance itself from a friend. A conservative outfit would issue some half-assed "I'm sorry if you were offended" type statement and then tell you to fuck off with your criticism. Why? Shut up, that's why.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:10 am

Fucking 47%. Living in some New York ghetto on the government dole. Get a job, you hippy.

Incitefully_Joe October 10, 2012 at 8:28 am

Oh except WHOOPS the people at Sesame Workshop and no doubt PBS in general are … a little sensitive about having their doings dragged into electoral politics, maybe because they would like to keep their jobs when a Republican is elected president, as one inevitably will be, some day?

I'm sure they do, but the whole point is that Republicans don't feel the same way, and have made that a point of party orthodoxy, complete with promises to do something about it as soon as they have control of the government. Honestly, electoral partisanship aside, it's sorta incumbent upon these folks to defend their own jobs against attack, as well, but here they are not only refusing to do so, but decrying other politicians from speaking up on their behalf.

How far they've come, from the days when Fred Rogers spoke before the Senate to defend Public Broadcasting and public funding of early child educational programming.

mrblifil October 10, 2012 at 9:30 am

The attack on Big Bird is merely a subterfuge, the real target is the gay marriage of Ernie and Bert, one of the longest such relationships in the nation's history. I'm kind of actually not joking.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

"And some fresh-sown Elmostone was messin with his frozen zone to remind him of the feeling of romance…"

bikerlaureate October 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I don't know why you say goodbye /
I say Elmo.

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