When we last heard from World’s Dumbest Anchorman Rick Sanchez, he had gotten fired from CNN for blowing the lid off of the global Jewish conspiracy and so had nothing better to do than to do some light content aggregation on HuffPo and pay some poor publicist to send out email blasts about it. Since then he has managed to snag a job or at least the password to some blogging software and now his deep thoughts appear on “Fox News Latino,” which is a real website that exists. How can Mitt Romney defeat Obama in tonight’s debate, Rick Sanchez? Easy! Just explain, in simple terms, how Mitt Romney will create jobs, for everybody. Why hasn’t Mitt done this? It’s almost as if it would be very complicated to explain and/or he doesn’t actually know how!
So Rick Sanchez teases in the headline to his column/blog-thingie on Fox News Latino that he will give Mitt Romney the SECRET KEY that will prevent “lights out” for our hapless GOP nominee. Would you like to click on this, if you are eager to see Mitt win? Of course you would! Let’s examine Rick’s secret plan. MITT NEEDS A SECRET PLAN, GUYS. Here’s the blow-by-blow of how the column unfolds!
- Rick stops at a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant outside Atlanta, whose owner is concerned about the economy and ambivalent about Obama: 288 words.
- Rick explains what the “labor participation rate” is, then notes that Americans are “screaming” to be told how that rate can be lowered, only without any fancy economics science talk: 239 words
- Rick mentions that his wife, who is presumably whatever the Latino equivalent of a shiksa is, is “literally disgusted” by the tongue tacos they got at this Mexican restaurant, whose owner, as previously noted, is ambivalent about Obama: 46 words.
- AND HERE’S THE PUNCHLINE: Unemployment is bad, and so Romney can win if only he explains, in terms that are simultaneously concrete and easy to understand, his plan to end unemployment: 106 words.
IT SEEMS SO SIMPLE NOW!!! Anyway, long story short, Mitt Romney is going to lose the debate tonight. [Fox News Latino]
{ 98 comments }
Rick Sanchez is about as Latino as Mitt Romney-o
needz more chipotle??? Heck he could use some fiery doritos, and layoff the mayonnaise
Mitt will go all "Drop theee chalupa, Meester President" tonight
Needs moar Rick-roll.
But, but Mitt's got a bunch of zingers he's been rehearsing for months.
Your move, Dolly Madison.
DAMN YOU, SiR!
Instead of a drinking game I'm going to play a zinger eating game.
Every time Mitt ham-handedly delivers a "zinger" to goes over like a turd in a punchbowl I'm going to eat a zinger.
I'll be sure to have an insulin syringe standing by.
You ever look at the list of ingredients on one of them things? Better living through chemistry.
Indeed
CAKES WE LIKE
Somehow, "Mitt" and "Zingers" don't seem to compute in the same sentence.
But if you combine them into "Mittzinger" you end up with a Jewish-sounding surname which just shows that Rick Sanchez was right about the global Jewish Conspiracy after all.
Funny thing that: he's Hispanic, so he wasn't saying Jewish, he was mispronouncing "You-ish," jou know what I meang?
I bet Mittz' zinger-slinger is mighty rusty, like unto a trebuchet.
"Can I call you Joe? 'cause I practiced a couple of zingers where I call you Joe."
I thought Rick didn't have a job himself.
So, he's in good company with Miffed who also is unemployed.
What's the under/over on how many times Mitt steps on his dick tonight?
He`s gotta find it first.
It's as clear as the, er, his face.
Rick Sanchez is still alive?
His career, obviously isn't.
And dirtier than ever, IYKWIM.
I just hope that Eddie Murphy has been giving Obama some coaching on his comportment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HktV2yGtLv8
In *angry black man* voice: "Look, man, I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tailpipe!"
Well, you can't ever say that Rick Sanchez doesn't know how to fill space on a website.
Rick Sanchez = worst sexual position ever
Performing the Dirty Sanchez whilst dressed as Rick James?
Is Rick confusing 'Zingers' with "tasers?'
The Dirty Sanchez must be paid by the word. He used almost 700 of them to say absolutely nothing.
Is he related to Mark Sanchez? Because Mark plays football like Rick writes.
Oh, man! That's a cheap shot! You apologize!
Against whom?
The quarterback! At least he managed to keep his job after fucking it up.
I'll meet you halfway. Mark's better than Tebow.
Christ, I'm better than Tebow.
yeah, but Teblow has Christ on speed dial…
But what does Tebow think?
Wait. Tebow thinks?
He thinks about shower time with all his teammates.
If Mitt could explain why Sanchez has a job or ever had a job, I might think about voting for him.
Dumb goes in, dumb comes out. Can't explain that!
Mmmm….I enjoy tongue. I wonder what she found so distasteful about it?
She didn't put in the right places?
Fox News Latino? Yeah, I can see that – one single Latino at Fox News.
Do you mean other than the one who cleans the bathrooms? How much diversity do you people want?
The labor participation shrank by one when Sanchez ran over that guy after a Dolphins game.
That Taser must've scrambled his brains. I mean, who the fuck orders lengua tacos?
"labor participation rate"? That's a new one on me, but why would you need a euphanism for "employment"?
One can get fired from CNN for "blowing…. "?! Anderson, not a good time to come out.
"Also, Mitt should act out a Punch and Judio, I mean Judy, routine to lighten things up."
Mittens already explained jobs better. All the way out the door or to China/India/etc.
But Mitt's already explained how he'll create jobs! By magic; the economy will suddenly improve and companies will start hiring again once he's elected, because – confidence? He's a little unclear on that last past.
Or, basically Romney's plan is this:
1. Elect Mitt Romney President
2. ????
3. Jobs!
4. Blame the Black guy once #3 fails.
The angel Moroni will come, bearing jobs instead of showing off his golden plates. Duh.
Creating jobs is simple. You cut taxes on the rich, they bank their new moneys off-shore, and then someone else somewhere creates jobs.
Consider yourself written-in, sir.
Latino equivalent of a shiksa
Ho, of course.
Puta?
Maybe Mitt will first have to explain why a guy who once infamously claimed to be (long-term) unemployed should be listened to on the subject of job creation?
World’s Dumbest Anchorman
There's too many to just pick one. But he does merit a spot in their Hall of Fame.
Greg Kelly.
Definitely Greg Kelly. Because, "science"
Rick Sanchez: "Give me a tongue taco and none of your lip."
Mitt said that he would create jobs… he never said they would be American jobs.
¡Ay, caramba!
tongue tacos
Is it just me, or does that sound like an incredibly dirty sex act?
Isn't that just a normal-oral thingy?
Perhaps you should describe what you imagine them to be.
Hang on…I need to put on some Barry White first…
Damnit now Im trying to imagine how this could be dirtier than a normal tongue in the taco move. Ok.. a tongue taco involves leaving the tongue in the taco whilst pouring hotsauce.. oh god nm this isnt working.
Here we have the one Latino who enjoys the advantages Mitt Romney envys so much.
Wasn't Rick a taseree?
I suppose we don't need more of him, so you probably have a point.
That is not the "Foxy Latinas" site I am familiar with! Oh wait.
If that terrifying picture of Romney at a Chipotle accompanying Sanchez's stupid article doesn't terrify you, then check out the picture accompanying Douthat's equally stupid article in today's times http://campaignstops.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/02… that should give you nightmares…
Some of Dr. Josef Heiter's other handiwork, I presume?
We're all thankful for it, because now… we know definitely yet bottle blondes are the two middle pieces! And the beginning ones, too!
Don't get me started on that puto Sanchez.
Fox News Latino? Is that like the Sideboob section at HuffPost?
I was going to read that all the way through but got distracted by the idea of tongue tacos.
Come on, Mitt doesn't need to win the debate — all he has to do is point out that we have high unemployment and that he's a businessman, and protect his massive and overpowering lead and Obama will take care of sinking himself. That's been the strategy since before Mitt got the nomination, and there's clearly no reason to change it now. Carry on.
This guy. A derp artist without parallel. Who wonkette was kicking around before we'd even started using the word 'derp', maybe. Glad the Fox fun train didn't leave without him; their semblance of a diverse roundup of douchebags is near complete.
I wonder if Rick's wife knows about menudo.
The boy band?
America's Dumbest Latino
Definately dumber than the uneducated Mexican camposino who asked me if America was close to Italy…
hello everyone, been lurking for a long time but, as zero hour approaches, thought i would let you in on one of the robot's "zinger's" ?
Q: why did the chicken cross the road?
A: exterminate! exterminate!
(blue screen of death follows. fade to black.)
From TFA-
El Taquito is a “hole in the wall” clumsily crafted inside a gas station, where both locals and commuters belly up for authentic Mexican grub….Yes, the Confederate flag still flies here, but it now competes with the eye-popping green shades of Mexican banners
Could have saved those 679 words and used two well worn ones – "Southern Strategy"
"Wow. Must be nice to hope for the thing you wish to want…Sure beats doing it."
Maybe it's the alt-text on that picture, but all of a sudden I think this Strangers With Candy quote seems to fit nicely with Mitt and his White House dreams.
Fuck you, Rick Sanchez's wife. Lengua tacos are the fucking best, and I usually don't really go for cuts of meat that retain organ-ey names.
Also, your husband's column sucks, too.
God, with the number of opinion columnists lining up to write Mitt Romney's speeches for him, I'm a little surprised that Republicans still make those teleprompter jokes.
Hey, teleprompters are hard for the homeschooled person whose mom dropped out after first grade.
I'm especially disappoint that Sanchez didn't use the best picture from Mitt Romney's stop at Chipotle.
Romney had just said: ¿Quién soltó a los perros?
Want a job? Move to Asia. Oh, and they do have safety nets there…. in case you need to committ suicide after a hard day at the plant.
So massive hiring by Federal and State governments. That's the plan?
It wouldn't hurt if you were to post that video of him getting tased. it just doesn't get old.
Wait, who's Rick Sanchez? Oh, that's right, I don't care.
Fox News Latino is kind of weirdly awesome, except for running stories by dumb loudmouth Rick Sanchez.
"Latino equivalent of a shiksa"-"gabacha" or "güera".
No doubt about it: a Romney administration would create lots of jerbs — in India and China, same as he's always done.
The Romney campaign's latest idea: Well, we could build a really large badger….
Rick Sanchez, latest of the Zombie Journalists. You kill them and they just keep coming back……
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