Science, you guys, science is revealing all sorts of terrible mysteries about the modern world. And not just the liberal kind of mysteries, like about how all the animals are dying and the ice is melting and whatever; no, it’s also revealing tough, conservative facts, like the fact that human penises are on average 10 percent shorter than they were 50 years ago. If you heard “50 years ago” and “smaller penises” and you immediately came up with “feminism” as the cause, then congratulations, you are well equipped (heh) to run a radio talk show that reaches millions of people and influences American politics. Rush Limbaugh has a tiny penis and he’s been mad about it for a long time and it explains a lot, is what we’re TRYING to say here.
So the Italian researchers who came up with this result (oh, those comical Italians, always electing Berlusconi and measuring dicks for science and shouting “Mama mia! That’s-a spicy meatball!” and such) have some ideas about the causes of the modern world’s cock-shrinkage:
- Weight gain around the waist
- Smoking
- Stress
- Environmental pollutants
Hmm, it seems like at least three of those things are closely associated with one Rush Limbaugh, yes? (Rush is a rich person, so he creates environmental pollutants but they get dumped in neighborhoods not his own.) But no, he has other ideas about why his penis might be so leetle:
I think it’s feminism. If it’s tied to the last 50 years — the average size of [a male's] member is 10 percent smaller than 50 years — it has to be the feminazis, the chickification and everything else. Give ‘em time and they’ll blame Bush. But air pollution vs. feminazis? Ha!
You guys, this explains SO MUCH about his career and burning hatred of women! And thank goodness he figured out the key to his problem, because it’s now clear that he’s been looking for information on some dubious websites, like the notoriously hilarious Yahoo! Answers:
COME ON YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY IT IS NOT GENETICS OR BECAUSE A PERSON DOES ANYTHING BAD RIGHT IT IS BECAUSE OF FEMINAZIS! Feminazis made my penis small! Uh, I mean my friend’s penis, I’m asking for a friend. [Raw Story]
{ 235 comments }
Rush may have a tiny penis, but he's a ginormous fucking dick.
That's compensation. Small penis = big dickishness. It's either that or compensation by buying lots of guns, big trucks, or a fast car.
Rush has a small penis because he's white. What more did you need to know?
Did Mittens' get bigger the other day when he got sprayed brown?
Has Rush blamed Obama yet?
All of 'emEvery time, katie.The blah men are stealing all the really big penises!!!!
I can proudly trace my roots back to Africa.
…with my massive dick.
Obligatory "pics or GTFO"
Steal presidency for Kenya -> steal big penises -> steal white wimmenz. It's all connected, like Glenn Beck chalkboard art.
In 3, 2, 1, and with all his visits to the Dominican Republic Rush has measured so very many penises in support of the Italian study.
I think this is the source of his intense hatred of the man. That, and he's Blah. And the head of the Democrat party.
Because what all feminazis want is a small cock. THAT makes sense.
It's too bad the rest of him won't shrink to nothing.
I wonder if Ann thinks that Mitten's is the right height?
I don't get what Rush's problem is. Feminazis make MY penis bigger
I don't even want to ask what the causal linkage is between feminism and penis size…
Jeff Christie'sRush Limbaugh's penis has never been near a woman.Rush's penis has been near at least 4 women, as he's on his 4th wife. How they could stand being in any form of marriage -be it in name only- to this 'man', defies explanation.
If by "near" you mean "within a few feet," then yeah.
As for the latter, money.
It has been near Dominican Boys, allegedly.
Rush is the Archemedes of our time, but he uses bath houses instead of bath tubs.
Next stop: Bath Salts.
Perhaps a bathysphere and a good deep trench?
Sorry, can't post right now, I'm sharpening some pruning shears.
Sounds like you could save yourself the trouble and just fetch the nail clippers instead.
Or a cheese grater.
Sure, it would take longer, but it would be worth it.
Please use them while they are still dull.
Wonder how much rent he's paying on the current "wife?"
Hmm, I am going to have to research this more. I will get back to you.
I'm well over 50. I can be in your control group.
Ditto.
I am exactly 50. Today is my birthday.
Happy birthday!
And remember, the first half-century is just rehearsal.
Thanks Reggie! You should come over for some cake.
Give your nipples a gentle squeeze from all of us on your birthday!
Why gentle? Thanks Steve
HBD Barbara! I, too will be happy to participate in your study, but I should warn you that I'm what statisticians call an "outlier."
Bucking the trend for over fifty years now.
Lol, thanks Lascauxcaveman.
Is that different from an out-n-out liar?
Mmmmm…young stuff. Like it.
Happy birthday Barb! May all of your penises be over 50. Or whatever …
Dawg, you are the best. I am going to make a wish and blow out the penis now.
Happy Birthday!
Thanks, SoBeach!
Have a great Birthday, Barb!
Thanks Graham. : )
Happy BDay to you!
Thanks Hel! I should go to Denny and demand a free breakfast or something. LOL
I did this three weeks ago. It wasn't pretty.
Congratulations!
Happy birthday, Barb!
Hope this year is a better one for you than the last.
Thanks Tessie! It's an awesome day.
As one of my professors once said, "Fifty is fine. *The day before* fifty sucks."
Happy birf day. I assume you can prove that with some kind of certificate. You're almost a Libra. So close ….
Thanks JustPixels.
Happy birthday, Babydoll. I'm going to get you a tape measure for your birthday. And reading glasses.
I love you, Spurning. : )
Felicidades! Have a happy!
Thanks Miss Grundy!
Me! Me! I can be in the "weight gain around the waist" control subgroup!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give for your research.
Give it twice, LesBontemps.
Only twice?
I'm old now and could break a hip, HistoriCat.
So Rush is admitting he has a small dick? The new Mrs. Rush must be so proud right now.
I think it's part of the beard contract that she has no contact with Rush's itty bitty.
Fucking little penises. How do they work?
Not particularly well.
Or so I'm informed.
Little penis goes in, little penis goes out – Rush can't
explainfind it.It's not the size that counts, etc. etc. etc.
Maybe this question is answered in the original materials but how good was the penis size database fifty years ago?
Yes, I'd like to examine, er… the methodology on this one. In a not-creepy sort of way, of course.
He has a small dick? I wasn't aware he had any dick at all.
It's true; this man has no dick.
Perfect!
Rush Limbaugh has a penis?
Yeah, but being a fat fuck, he hasn't seen it in years..
So there's no proof, then.
Rush is a penis. According to this study, he should be getting smaller, but science is never right.
Can a penis have a penis? Yo dawg!
I got my first month's worth of free birth control pills this week. I hope that takes Rush down to an innie.
According to noted reproductive genius, Rush, don't forget to take one every time you have the sexy times and don't be such a slut that you use them all in the first week.
Dang, a week? I was hoping to just get through a day. I'm such a slut.
don't worry. If you run out, you can always sign up for bulk discount at the costco abortionplex.
Where do you live again?
That depends – you at least over 50? I apparently got me some new standards.
Did you get your complimentary "Sluts Vote" campaign button with the pills?
YES! I wear it on my Elizabeth Warren Makes Me So Horny T-shirt!
I'm a guy and I just got my first month of free birth control pills also. Since I am one of the 47%, I believe in mooching off the system as much as possible.
Sorry Fakakta, didn't realize you were a slut.
This is just one more reason that we should all point and laugh when we next see him.
I'm guessing there's a punchline to this story involving glasses, metric conversions, tweezers and/or sororities.
Seriously, though – can we trust any sort of world wide wang measuring from the 1960s. I'm guessing the Americans and Soviets both lied as part of the Cold War fap race.
"can we trust any sort of world wide wang measuring from the 1960s"
That took place in *Italy*, no less?
Come on, guys like that are my father, uncles, and boy cousins; trust me, they're King of the Bullshit Artists.
Wasn't there some joke about that. "Sir the condoms we just manufactured ended up stretched out." "Oh well, ship them to Russia, but label them Medium."
Weight gain around the waist
Smoking
Stress
Environmental pollutants
Hmm, it seems like at least three of those things are closely associated with one Rush Limbaugh, yes?
All four. He smokes cigars which create a toxic envelope around him.
Well, more toxic than the one he already lives in.
It is easier to get into heaven than to drive a camel through the eye of a needledick.
I think the guy who posted the question on Yahoo Answers is one of Rush's "speech" writers.
Rush's favorite Caribbean ballad…
♪♫ Hey Mr. Tally Man, tally me banana
2 centimeters so you ought to go home ♫♪
The Boy Who Would Not Do Anything heard that song for the first time, and asked me later that day:
Him: I heard this old-timey song, I can't figure it out. It's a guy singing with some kind of accent, and he keeps saying, "Daylight come and they won't go home". Did you ever hear it?
Me: Yeah, that's "Day-O". Harry Belafonte singing. I think he's from Trinidad.
Him: So, that guy singing wanted the Taliban to do WHAT with his banana?
Bill Hicks had some thoughts about Rush Limbaugh's sexual issues.
(NSFW, also not safe for anyone who plans to eat anytime soon…)
My ears are bleeding….
Howard Stern is hung like a Q-Tip and he spent his career surrounding himself with strippers and porn stars. But Howard also uses his small peen to let us know he is not too big for his britches. Also, Howard actually has more fans than Rush, I bet, because that blob Rush has been exaggerating the size of his audience for years. Like his poor withering pee-pee, that is not strong enough to get hard on it's own.
Weight around the waist? Do those damn Eye-Ties not lift their gut up before measuring their Giansons?
Heh. Yahoo Answers. Hey Josh, do you listen to My Brother, My Brother and Me, where they 'answer' those things?
"Giansons"
Upfisted specificalli for this.
Not to mention better measuring instruments…. or is it Familiarity breeds Contraction…?
Excellent. The GOP is undergoing contortions to gain the acceptance of a 14 year old boy. The nation is screwed.
What, the guy don`t have a tongue? Forget I said that.
retch!
I do, but it was outsourced to the Hitachi Wand.
Ah, somewhat on topic joke:
This 80 year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a checkup.
The doctor makes him get on the scale, listens to his heart, etc. Then he says, "OK, Rocco, I need to see your sex organs".
The man holds up all ten fingers and sticks out his tongue.
Lets put John Holmes on Mount Rushmore, problem solved.
which part? might not fit.
It will head into North Dakota.
Better him than Reagan.
Still would attract Nancy though.
Let's ask Mitt if those advertized enhugening products really work.
Oh, look! Beautiful clouds!
~Mitt
Nixon was a pretty big dick….
Hey, Rush – about the inches you're missing? I got 'em right here!
Rush probably lost his to the beater bar of a Hoover.
It's not the size of the penis that matters, it's how much of a gigantic asshole you are that fails to turn them on Rush. I mean, with your cigar breath, sweat dripping from the rolls of fat, what else could it be?
The lil' lady is a feminist and my cock is HUGE!
Go Baconz!
So that's why the bell curve is shaped that way.
Rush, if you're that worried, I'd suggest you get a strap-on.
"No, no, Rush, the other way. Oh forget it."
Maybe Rush should be happy that his "big unit" is smaller. Makes it that much harder to step on it all of the time.
Awaiting psuedo-scientific explanation how an abstract social movement could effect a concrete biological trait.
Concrete? Wow!
Some guys just got it.
How can the water be warmer but our penises be smaller?
I don't know about you, but it feels freezing if it's any lower than 80°. Oh, the hardships of living in Southern California…
Ask George Costanza.
I have always found that assertive women tend to make my penis grow larger.
True, true. Yoga britches do that too. Yoga britches on an assertive woman and I have to check the clearance before driving under bridges.
Rush is a giant dildo. That is all.
Well, as they say, "more than a mouthful is just wasted".
Important information is lacking: are we comparing flaccid or hard?
Well, it's not how long you make it.
It's how you make it long!
Maybe it was cold in Italy that day.
I was going to post something earlier in the thread but my penis kept flopping all over the keyboard and I was constantly having to push it off to the side. As usual however, my penis was having none of that. Attention must be paid.
I don't know about penis size, but the fact that this idiot still has a radio show makes me guess American's brain sizes must be getting smaller.
Cause/effect.
No snark, but does anyone have a cite for the original research? All I can find is an Italian study from 2001 linking height and weight to size variations. Every blog post/article linkage eventually dead ends at Jezebel or something called chacha.com (which crashes my phone).
I can't find it. I did find this: http://web.archive.org/web/20070304084315/http://…
Research says erect gay penises are bigger
Must also be the feminazis fault, amiright?
Nah, ghey peens are bigger 'cos they're so FAAAAAAAABULOUS!
I finally got the chacha.com (which is a junk traffic attracting site) to load. No citation there either. Everyone else points to it as well. It's almost like Rush and that site have some kind of under the counter arrangement because there is no way someone like CBS news and shit should be pointing at a garbage site like that otherwise.
Thanks for helping me look for the cite, comrad. I had a sinking feeling after reading a couple of links that the "study" was just so much horse shit (or a mangling of an earlier study) and now I think I may have been correct.
Now it is time for the Rush Limbaugh tiny, tiny penis jokes. Go!
Jesus, Rush, just go buy a sportscar.
Tubby cunt couldn't fit in a sportscar
Ah so the real reason for Rush's outrage that Obama is in the White House. Obama clearly must have a bigger dick. And that would probably be true for most of the old guys in the republican party. And I think Rush knows he will never savor the flavor of Obama's manhood and that is really driving him over the edge.
Paging Sara Benincasa!
Rush then said Obama's penis had failed. Michelle just laughed.
Then Rush almost said the same thing about Clinton, but remembered Monica, so that didn't work.
Wingnuts will now give their little peni more sun, water and spread it with horse manure.
This is too easy. If Rush had taken better care of his little penis, he wouldn't be paying so much alimony to his first three wives.
Man, this is just like when the feminists gave Rush boobs.
Hey, be kind….Rush hasn't seen his peen in forty years…..
I find it offensive not to use Rush and small penis in the same sentence.
I feel your pain.
I find it offensive that this post made me think of Rush's penis.
He must be hopped up on the OxyContin just in time for the election!
"Chubby White Meathead"
Rush missed the point! Penis shrinkage is the final proof that the Earth is actually cooling.
Ann's cuntiness and Rush's tiny tadger… I do so love thematic consistency.
Yikes! and this was BEFORE the Warren v. Brown debate.
I'm worried about you Rush! Gloria Steinem does not make MY penis shrink. Au contraire!
This is obviously Obama's fault too, on account of his big black penis. It must make Rush all shrively just thinking about it.
Judging by the Dominican rentboys I'd have guessed the opposite.
Dominican rentboys are probably the only thing tight enough to satisfy such a small wiener.
With respect to Rushbo's tiny pecker,
this is good news for all Dominican boys
isn't blaming it on the Feminazis the same thing as blaming Bush?
You know, because they don't shave and all that.
Bwana Dik is amused by Rush's Micro-Member.
I suppose Rush could use a mud shark as a substitute.
If he had an 8-mm camera and a young lady with a Taste for the Bizarre.
Rush should just take a cue from Frank Sobotka, and be proud of his achievements, such as they are:
"For your information I wake up every morning with an angry blue-veined diamond cutter. I was gonna enlighten the president of local 47 on this particular point and he chose to depart. Blue steel gentlemen, 3 & 1/2 inches of hard blue steel"
He's at least partially right. I am a feminist, and I would like to shrink his dick considerably. With votes, of course.
Call within the next 30 minutes and we'll take off an additional 5% for free!
ACT NOW!
Mamma mia! That's a tiny penis!
Coming to Broadway soon: "Rushpig and the Angry Inch."
Date shorter women.
Alternatively, try ass-fucking.
I always figured Rush was a bottom and so penis size didn't matter.
This seems like a good excuse to post The Penis Song.
This is bad news for all the mohelim.
Argh! My brain just exploded with dick joke overload!
Dick asymptote. Spiking. "Breakthrough in the grey room.'
We're approaching the Wangularity.
But which head contains the brains?*
*This joke works better if the subject is male.
Oh man, we haven't even really scratched the surface of the dick jokes yet!
Most underreported story of our generation: the feminazis caused Rush Limbaugh's drug addiction, and his fatness.
Hey, Editrix! I was going to suggest that maybe he should try touching your wrist but then you would probably have to chew your arm off d/t cooties or flesh-eating bacteria.
I love that Rush has just confirmed having a teeny weeny.
Also: has Rush seen his own feet since 1997?
Shrinkage? Me and my Arrow haven't noticed.
I think it's just relative. As Rush became a bigger and bigger dick over the years, his penis just started to look really small in comparison.
With Rush, just the tip isn't a game, it's a description.
Mr. Marcus libel!
It ain't the meat it's the motion
That makes your baby want to rock
It ain't the meat it's the motion
It's the movement that gives it the sock!
They don't call Rush a pencil dicked bug fucker for nothing.
I'd like to think that many of Rush's devotees did not race home and beat the shit out of their dumbfounded wives while screaming "It's all your fault!" over and over. But there I go wishing again.
But Rush is over fifty right? So he was born before the advent of feminazi-ism so he must have had a smallish penis back when every other guy was huge? Or is he worried that his dick as actually gotten smaller over the years?
God is to blame, Rush. God wants to make sure you don't reproduce, because God has taste.
Nope, sorry Morans!
But 3 South American countries exceed USA, according to The World Penis map:
http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/03/23/male-ego-chec…
Back when men had more leverage to get rapey, our dicks had more self-esteem? I'll glad give up ten percent for that trade-off, you creepy fat slob.
Rush enhances the Republican obsession with dicks or lack thereof.
Rush has a tiny penis. In other news, the Earth is round.
The feminists of course! Nothing that kills boners better than feminist literature!
1940’s and 1950's: New use of BPA in plastic. The chemical industry begins to use BPA to manufacture a hard plastic called polycarbonate, and to make epoxy resins used as linings for metal food cans and a variety of other products. Although BPA leaches out of plastic long after its manufacture, the material is used in consumer products with no requirement that companies prove it is safe. The 70 years that follow BPA's introduction in these industries see the explosion of BPA-based plastics to encompass products as wide-ranging as bicycle helmets, water coolers, and baby bottles.
From here: http://www.ewg.org/reports/bpatimeline
You're welcome, Rush. Now you also know why you are as fat as a whale as well as have a pecker the size of a hummingbird.
You think Rush is bothered now, just wait until the Obama campaign suspends its use of "Forward" and replaces it with "Size Matters."
Wait, wait, I do believe I see how this is the Feminazis fault. Fifty years ago, men felt comfortable lying about their penis size, but now the Feminazis have them all intimidated into telling the truth.
Porfirio Rubirosa had a dick that Truman Capote, a man who knew his dicks, described as "an eleven inch cafe-au-lait sinker as thick as a man's wrist." He was also the world's most well-paid giggolo. So, how does that square with Rush's hypothesis?
"So the Italian researchers who came up with this result (oh, those comical Italians, always electing Berlusconi and measuring dicks for science and shouting “Mama mia! That’s-a spicy meatball!” and such)"
OK, I assume this refers to Italians in Italy, but it made me picture a roomful of "Jersey Shore" type guys in lab coats measuring each other's dicks and going, "AAAAY!!" "OHHH!":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFON1IE13Lg
Rush's tiny, limp weenus is the least of his problems.
It's just one woman's observation, but personally, I think all the dicks are just the right height.
Rush, you may have a tiny penis and everything but look on the bright side, you get to eat all the pasta and bread that you want!
sorry GOP, you don't actually have a big tent, you have a tiny tent pole…
Feminists? So that's my problem. Not that I have one. A problem that is. Never mind.
In the past, I have earned some extra money by answering questions on a "free" (massively ad-supported) anonymous texting service for people too dumb to use Google. Most of these individuals are in the adolescent range, and I can tell you that questions about penis size and enhancement are absolutely the boy-equivalent of "Am I fat?" I became a master of consolation and relativism. Maybe I even consoled Rush!
Feminists: Making penises shrink since 1907.
(first major suffragette march in the US)
How does Rush know what size his dick is if he can't see it?
he asked the Costa Rican boys…
Well if I'm not shrinking penises because I want to be treated equally, then what's the point really.
Poor Rush needs to talk to Jill Biden. Apparently not everybody is intimidated by feminazis…
On the other hand, Rush himself can be described as a huge dick.
Wonkette…I'm willing to give Rusty the benefit of the doubt, when it comes to "size", because I've never showered with him…!
However; when it comes to "turgidity"…
We know Rusty, HAS A PROBLEM… !
He was actually detained by the INS trying to smuggle VIAGRA, into the country, without a prescription…without his [Rush Hudson Limpbough's] name on the prescription…
Hehehe…!
Damn I hate when I'm detained fore THAT…!
Gotta know all the words to "boil that cabbage down," too. I get busy at work and what now, you accepting resume's?
Also helps if you ain't easily deterred.
Yum, Smothers Brothers, such an aphrodisiac. And HEY! You shut up and don't be yelling at me, I got pills to use, you and all your working.
A-fucking-hem? Excuse me?
So if you’re down on you’re luck, and you can’t harmonize
Find a girl with far away eyes
And if you’re downright disgusted
And life ain’t worth a dime
Get a girl with far away eyes
Sorry, sorry, that was the slutty whore-moans talking, my bad. Of course I am just doing the laundry.
Get a room you two!
I haven't the vaguest notion what you seem to be implying.
I think I see the problem here …
Oh lord, I'll show you, it's okay
You gotta warm them up before going to the next level.
Damn
Hee! Sadly I think there's only one Howard Johnson's left–FREE CAKE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!
And clamstrips, also, too.
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