HOW IS BABBY FORMED?  3:41 pm August 19, 2012

Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin’s Guide to Legitimate vs. Illegitimate Rape

by Jesse Berney

Shut it down.Missouri Congressman and GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin is a brilliant scientist (with a B.S. in something called “Management Engineering”) and is therefore highly qualified to speak on the intricacies of female anatomy, especially when it comes to the heretofore unknown magic powers of the reproductive system. Did you know, for example, that the uterus is able to determine the difference between “legitimate” and “illegitimate” rape? I bet you didn’t even know there was a difference, unlike Todd Akin, who currently serves on the House of Representatives Science and Technology Committee thanks to his expertise. In science.

Not only does your uterus know the difference, but in the case of “legitimate” rape, it will shut down, trapping the the rape-sperm and preventing it from reaching your pure and unspoiled eggs. That means the approximately 32,000 women who become pregnant each year from rape were the victims of illegitimate rape. What’s the difference between legitimate and illegitimate rape? We’ve compiled this helpful guide from what we assume Todd Akin (B.S. in Management Engineering and member of the House Science and Technology Committee, just to recap) believes.

Scenario 1: A white virgin female wearing modest clothing is returning to her home after her Wednesday Bible study class. She is accosted at knifepoint by a large, unkempt black man wearing an “Obama 2012” hat, who drags her into an alley and rapes her.
Determination: Legitimate rape. Her uterus shuts down immediately, expelling the rapist’s semen as she prays to God for forgiveness.

Scenario 2: At a party where alcoholic beverages are being consumed, a young woman passes out in a private bedroom. A man of the same age and race finds her and proceeds to have sexual relations as she sleeps peacefully.
Determination: Illegitimate rape. Because the woman’s own moral turpitude is entirely to blame for the situation she was placed in, her uterus is unable to resist her beau’s sperm. It is quite likely that God will bless her with a pregnancy.

Scenario 3: A woman arranges to meet a date she met online at an art gallery. He is boorish and three inches shorter than his profile suggested. She agrees to go back to his apartment only to tell him that she does not want to see him again. But at soon as they get inside he assaults her brutally, keeping her prisoner for three days.
Determination: Illegitimate rape. Because she did not use a Todd Akin-approved dating service (Christian Mingle or eHarmony), the woman in this scenario is responsible both for her own predicament and the child God will now bestow upon her.

[TPM]

 

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{ 441 comments }

Madfall August 19, 2012 at 3:43 pm

He must make his state so proud.

NorthStarSpanx August 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Frankly, I'm relieved he beat Sarah Palin's pick, Sarah Steelman, whom she gushed was a hot Grizzly Mama. Let's hope Incumbent Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) isn't as vulnerable to Akin as the RNC hopes.

BerkeleyBear August 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

The RNC is terrified of getting involved in primaries, because anyone seen as the "establishment" choice seems to keep losing. They don't even back incumbents if the race is close enough and/or the incumbent is especially vulnerable (Specter, Lugar, the senators from Utah). The Democrats used to be the party without an organizing principle because they wanted to be a big tent coalition. The GOP is know worse, but because the only thing they care about is beating Dems.

Terry August 20, 2012 at 7:55 am

Sadly enough, if he's elected, he wouldn't be the absolute craziest person under the GOP tent on Capitol Hill.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Well, he's leading by about 7 points in the polls, so maybe?

BerkeleyBear August 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Light polling to date, with pretty much "your name here" getting decent numbers against McCaskill. Even "leaders" in the House like Ryan aren't well known outside of their district and politically in tune people (say, 25 percent to a third of the electorate), much less no-names like Akin. That is McCaskill's big challenge – to turn it from hating her into an actual choice in people's minds. It worked a lot in 2010 in the Senate, but not the House – we'll see about this time.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:23 am

Not any more, apparently.

bobbert August 20, 2012 at 11:59 am

Fap?

arihaya August 19, 2012 at 6:59 pm

This is the state of Rush Limbaugh after all

outragedcitizen August 20, 2012 at 8:39 am

Uh, no being fron Missouri I can tell you that my feeling are quite the opposite but then since my state also decided to dedicate a status to Rush Limpdick I am not really surprised either.

actor212 August 20, 2012 at 9:25 am

We learned one thing:

In Atkin's own mind, sperm are smarter than he is.

CivicHoliday August 20, 2012 at 10:34 am

Yeah, honestly as a Missouri resident, I have very little snark left when it comes to Todd Akin. He's enough of an embarrassment as a congressmen, but to think he may actually become our next senator is just beyond acceptable. Gah.

Jughead2130 August 20, 2012 at 10:58 am

I've lived in Missouri for 42 years, my entire life, and I can assure you, he does NOT

IonaTrailer August 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

In related news, the CDC warned of a huge increase in the numbers of shit-house rats in Missouri.

Tingomonkey August 20, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Oh he is ahead in the polls you better believe it. Yes, this is the sad reality of the state of Missouri.

bumfug August 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Until today this moron was actually beating Claire McCaskill in their Senate race. Can't wait for the next poll!

rickmaci August 19, 2012 at 6:32 pm

The moron is strong in that one.

Sparky McGruff August 19, 2012 at 11:59 pm

You do know, of course, that there's a possibility this will improve his poll numbers. It's always possible that he hadn't yet maxed out the cretin vote…

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:25 am

Fortunately, you're wrong. He's getting his ass kicked. Even Repigs are now begging him to step out of the race.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:24 am

Twitter's been on fire for the last 24 hrs and I'm seeing reports that McCaskill is getting LOTS of support, financial & otherwise, as a result of this dumb schmuck.

sullivanst August 20, 2012 at 9:16 am

Her and the DNC's cunning plan to have him win the nomination is looking inspired right now, don't you think?

MittBorg August 22, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Damn str … er, correct. Heh, heh.

bumfug August 19, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Rob Delaney on Twitter advises, " @robdelaney To get your rapes notarized contact @toddakin at his DC Office. Voice: (202) 225-2561 or Fax: (202) 225-2563 #LegitimateRape"

horsedreamer_1 August 19, 2012 at 6:33 pm

In Rmoney's America, where even the Police & Fire squads (normally, the GOP's favourite unionized workforces) will have to be gutted, because, eh, no taxes collected, Notaries Pubic such as Rob Delaney will be quite in demand for their authenticating services.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:26 am

Wil the Nice Laydeez have to offer a pee-pee print to get, um, face-time with the Rep?

sbj1964 August 19, 2012 at 3:45 pm

How do these Fucktards get elected? I'm ashamed to live on the same planet as these shitheads.The GOP's attack on women is relentless WTF?

freddymcmurray August 19, 2012 at 8:37 pm

It's "Mizzurah", that's why. St. Louis might trend somewhat bluer than the rest of the state, but you needn't stick your toe past the county line but an inch and it's straight up cousin/pig-fuckin' toothless kkk meth nirvana. The area Akin represents is one of the places in town where rich people live. (what, you're surprised?). They call St. Louis the gateway to the west, and wow you can really tell the difference as you pass from IL to MO. The evangelical mega churches start blossoming everywhere and they consider ravioli haute cuisine. The Illinois side of the river is quite similar thanks to a proximity effect, but it's almost universally Democratic by contrast.

sewollef August 20, 2012 at 9:26 am

Thanks Freddy… that was actually a funny and educational appraisal of a part of the world I don't intend to go to, except by accident of course.

As in, my plane has to crash land, or er, well nothing else really. And my plane would have to crash bad, since I'm guessing the pilots would make a heroic attempt to avoid ditching the 757 in this pig hole if at all possible.

Ravioli…. Seriously? Oh dear god.

freddymcmurray August 20, 2012 at 10:05 am

you're welcome. STL isn't all horrible. we have a pretty good nightlife and music scene. we've got some nice theaters. a world class symphony. and an art museum with a lot of important pieces in it (thanks to TS Eliot's family). a nice zoo. and there are some good restaurants. a couple top notch universities (we host the prez debates every year), medical schools, and world leaders in research hospitals. And if you don't like any of it, we have an international airport from which you can depart easily enough. but the rest of the state, while quite picturesque in parts, is for the birds politically. think ashcroft country.

CivicHoliday August 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm

thanks for sticking up for the Lou. we definitely have at least a few good things going for us. sadly most of that all stops once you reach mid-county

BoroPrimorac August 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

What if you're a young doctor heading to California to work as a plastic surgeon, but you have a car accident in some tiny Missouri town and can't get out until Monday because it's the week-end of the pumpkin festival?

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 7:33 am

You know what would be nice (not at all possible)? If he had a road to Galilee moment and realized all his science was wrong.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It's not really relentless so much as they have a chamber of hatred attached to their .22 caliber dick-pistol and it's just womens turn to have it fired on them. Black folks seem to also be getting it recently from the voterz ideeez lawz…the only upside is they are temporarily occupied so anti-semitism, anti-brown and homophobia…or maybe this recent bullshit is just drowning all that out…..

NorthStarSpanx August 19, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I happen to like bacon with my pure and unspoiled eggs.

ibwilliamsi August 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Bacon is the gateway meat.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Is that a sex double entendre?
A crispy, delicious, sex double entendre?

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 8:06 pm

First the bacon starts out soft, but when things get cooking…

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 8:40 pm

it crumbles?

BoatOfVelociraptors August 20, 2012 at 9:06 am

After losing a bit of fluid.

nonbeliever7 August 19, 2012 at 9:23 pm

"I happen to like bacon with my pure and unspoiled eggs."

The famous Akins diet. Lose weight, mostly through brain cells.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:27 am

I find it interesting that the writer chose not to mention the plight of cullud wimmenz. Or perhaps that's not rape at all?

OurHoboSenator August 19, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I'll be deep in the cold cold ground before I recognize Missourah.

PubOption August 19, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Missourah, the redneck pronunciation. Some of our politicians use both Missouri and Missourah in the same TV ad. Talk about pandering.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

It's a quote from Grandpa Simpson.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm

My favorite Simpson's quote, if you were dying to know: http://goo.gl/PyzBp

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Also quite apt for Missouri.
I like how everybody applauds.

BTWBFDIMHO August 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Missourah, Al-Abama, Aryanzona, Kentuckistan, Al-Aska, Ark-Ansas, New Messico, Coalorado, and Texass.

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 6:10 am

Wut 'bout Mizzippy and Jaw-ja?

Guppy August 19, 2012 at 7:33 pm

As I recall, the first Medicare recipient said he was from Missourah.

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 1:39 am

If they'd like, we could keep Missouri in the union and break off Missourah for the Neo-Confederacy.

nounverb911 August 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Isn't Misery the "Show Me" state?

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 1:43 am

Show Me? That's what got the little slut in to trouble in the first place! Burn her!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

heh….I always thought Nawlens during Mardi Gras was…but yes, Mizzoura's new motto is "show me the race of the man who raped you, and I'll tell you whether or not WASP-god approves…"

Come here a minute August 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

If the clothes don't loosely fit,
the rape is not legit.

littlebigdaddy August 19, 2012 at 3:48 pm

The Show Me (your vajayjay) State.

HempDogbane August 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Just think if he had a Masters Degree… in Science !

GemlikeFlame August 19, 2012 at 4:19 pm

He'd still be an idiot and possibly even more arrogant than he is now. Pregnancy from rape is relatively rare, but it does happen and there's no uterus magic to ward it off.

Even Dr. Science would agree, and we all know He Knows More Than You Do.
http://drscience.com/wordpress/

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:30 am

It's not rare at all. 30,000 women a year terminate pregnancies resulting from rape. I do not have information on the number who choose to carry to term, but some 5-6% of *those* women give up the infant for adoption. The study is cited in the HuffPoo story on Akin's comment, and if I weren't a little drunk and quite sleepy, I'd go get it for ya.

GemlikeFlame August 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

I guess we'd have to decide what relatively means in this context, from my point of view, one is too many. The best stats I've seen say that approximately 1.3 million women were raped in 2010. The number of reported rapes is much lower, in the 100k range, and if all resulting pregnancies were reported then we're looking at about 2%. The probability of pregnancy resulting from a single act of intercourse is in the 5% range, which is in the same order of magnitude. I can cite these for you, if you like.

MittBorg August 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I love when you talk dirty to me. Give me the link if you can, dude, I'm in the midst of a lung-ripping argument with the nutbags on Twitter. I want to beat them over the head with figures. Thanks.

docterry6973 August 19, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I haven't thought about Dr. Science in a long time.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 19, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Science Libel!!!!

The distinction between "scientist" and "engineer" has rarely been so clear.

GemlikeFlame August 20, 2012 at 12:29 am

As a bona-fide engineer I'm going to need to broaden that just a tad if it's all the same to you. The difference between scientist and self-satisfied purposeful ignoramus know-nothing jackass has never been so clear.

GeorgiaBurning August 20, 2012 at 12:43 am

This guy has his degree in "Management Engineering", so I imagine he took his ethics courses with the marketing guys. Also a "Master of Theology" from some bible school to atone for getting a woody looking at other guys in the shower.

Callyson August 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Nor is this Akin’s first time suggesting some types of rape are more worthy of protections than others. As a state legislator, Akin voted in 1991 for an anti-marital-rape law, but only after questioning whether it might be misused “in a real messy divorce as a tool and a legal weapon to beat up on the husband,” according to a May 1 article that year in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

Here's hoping the Dems use this prick's ideas as a tool and a legal weapon to beat up on Todd Aikn.

Asshole.

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Let's not forget that he also co-sponsored the bill that would restrict federal funding for Medicaid abortions to cases of "forcible" rape.

horsedreamer_1 August 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm

This is Good News! For the Banal Rapist!

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:35 am

And guess who his co-sponsor of that bill was? None other than @PaulRyanVP, the arrogant little shit who created hisself that Twitter account the day Romney picked him. He doesn't realize that he's *still* auditioning for the job. He praised Akin for his "leadership" on the issue. Details over on TPM.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 20, 2012 at 4:04 am

Is forcible rape legitimate or illegitimate? I'm getting confused.

DemmeFatale August 19, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Didn't Paul Ryan have something to say about forced and "unforced" (whatever that is!) rape?

What a bunch of assholes!

Callyson August 19, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Not just Ryan–from the TPM article in the link above:In 2011, the House GOP was forced to drop language from a bill that would have limited federal help to pay for an abortion to only victims of“forcible rape.” Akin was aco-sponsoron the bill.Assholes.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:49 am

Paul Ryan joined with Todd Akin to pass a (completely unnecessary) bill to guarantee that Federal monies would not be used to fund abortion. (Such legislation is unnecessary because the Hyde Amendment already provides that Federal funds shall not be used to pay for abortions. Legislation we owe to that adulterous prick Henry Hyde who fathered children out of wedlock upon women not his legally wedded wife while restricting their rights to determine their own reproductive choices.) The language of that bill referred to "forcible" rape, and would have disqualified underage rape victims who were not threatened with actual violence from using Federal *Medicaid* monies to pay for an abortion. It would also have prevented such victims' *parents* from using their pretax HSA dollars to cover the cost.

The ingenuity of these people in finding ways to make others suffer simply amazes me. What parent could read such a thing and not want to slap unconscious the moron who would try to tie their hands over the fate of their child?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Yes…this is what makes a Republican a Republican. Hyde wanted to fuck with his mistress so to prove how big an' bad he is he went and outlawed abortion funding for every woman. Man, the warden in "the Shawshank Redemption" is a perfect example of modern day wingnuts, isn't he?

MittBorg August 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Why, yes, I do believe he is.

These fucks. Just among the few women I know personally, I've heard horror stories of fetii dying at 8 months inside the uterus and the Laydeez oozing green goo because the fetus is rotting and poisoning them from the inside. If that's not a situation that DEMANDS a fucking instant medical abortion, I don't know what is. Other horror stories: fetus being riddled with tumours throughoug that threaten its life AND mother's; fetus without a brain, or brain outside body; pregnant woman with three young kids to look after and a fetus with a serious disability. And that's out of, what, maybe 100 women that I know personally? I can think of at least TEN cases where an abortion was the right thing to do for mother, fetus, and any other family.

Gratuitous World August 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

unforced error.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 19, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Maybe forced … but is it legitimate?

nounverb911 August 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Is this good news or bad news for Bristol Palin?

ibwilliamsi August 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Good! Tripp is a blessing – foul mouth and all!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 20, 2012 at 4:39 am

I'm not sure if there is anything legitimate about Bristol.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 20, 2012 at 1:52 pm

good…it means the next time Bristol is slammin' down the wine coolers and then passes out and some sleazy illiterate meth-head has his way she can always tell grifter mama "it's okay ma, it was illegitimate rape so god blessed it" when she finds out the next Palin is coming into this world…giving Palin yet ANOTHER easy grift to work….

SigDeFlyinMonky August 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Playing country music to the uterus will also make it shut down, in some states. Best choice would be "My Todd Akin Rapin' Heart".

Biel_ze_Bubba August 19, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I'm not sure about the uterus, but it sure as hell shuts down other parts of the system.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:51 am

I would have no objection at all to someone deciding to rape Todd Akin. Just so he would understand, you know, what it might be like.

Dashboard Buddha August 20, 2012 at 5:36 am

Achy Rapey Heart?

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 6:14 am

Akin Rapin'?

mavenmaven August 19, 2012 at 3:51 pm

In those parts, if it is your actual father raping you, it is legitimate rape.

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Depends on whether you were wearing your footie pajamas or not.

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I wonder where 'Senate candidate has cracked guitar neck shoved up his ass' would appear on the rapey scale.

Geminisunmars August 19, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Depends if it is in a B Minor.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:52 am

Will you at least give us notice so we can scrape up bail munnies?

obfuscator2 August 19, 2012 at 3:56 pm

now i understand why the democratic party was thrilled about akin winning his primary!

also, fuck this steaming pile of excrement.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 2:53 am

Yes, he's going to be much easier to defeat than Sarah Steelman, one of his primary opponents. Had she won, Palin would've showed up to stump for her, and McCaskill might well have lost. This idiot is too busy shooting holes in his own feet to campaign. Or maybe this is what he considers campaigning.

spends2much August 19, 2012 at 3:57 pm

This is obviously a cry for attention from Missouri. Arizona gets all the attention…

It is absolutely surreal to sit here in Canada and watch you guys turn into Afghanistan.

Chet Kincaid_ August 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

That hurts our feelings!

Whatever August 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm

But still true.

Chichikovovich August 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm

It shouldn't – you're a Canadian yourself, after all.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 1:05 am

Excuse me?

Chichikovovich August 20, 2012 at 8:47 am

Sorry – too obscure. Some thread a maybe a month or two ago you made a remark to the effect that you liked to think of yourself as Canadian, or imagine yourself as Canadian, or you felt like a Canadian trapped in an American's body – can't remember the exact phrasing. I was too lazy to track down the remark and provide a back-link to it.—

Fare la Volpe August 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Don't worry. Harper's making sure you guys will catch up soon enough.

spends2much August 19, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Sigh… I know, I just hope enough of us are turned off by the unrelenting crazy the GOP spews. We do have a history of hilarious swings from Right to Left (and back) so who knows what will happen up here.

viennawoods13 August 19, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Depends how many seats the Tories can steal in the next election with the help of robocalls.

NellCote71 August 19, 2012 at 6:58 pm

And we will all be moving up there if the elections don't turn out, so I wouldn't be so smug. Eh?

spends2much August 19, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Not smug, genuinely weirded out. And if you agree Harper is a dangerous douche, then come on up!

NellCote71 August 19, 2012 at 10:06 pm

How neighborly of you. I appreciate the welcome. I wish I could reciprocate, but, as you yourself noted, it's getting weirder and weirder here.

ChapterUndVerse August 20, 2012 at 12:30 am

If I spoke French instead of Spanish, I'd've made the cut for immigration…

(sighs)

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Once you invade into the Afghanistan, the Afghanistan invades back into you.

DemmeFatale August 19, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I used to live in Toronto, and I do miss your awesome hate laws.
But I don't miss the mayor who banned "The Bare-Naked Ladies" because their name objectified women. (Yeah, if you're six years old!)

viennawoods13 August 19, 2012 at 11:23 pm

She was an idiot. But the current mayor of Toronto makes her look pretty damn good.

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 1:52 am

Ah, yes, Jabba the Rob. How this man is the mayor of Canada's largest and most mutil-cultural big city is beyond me. It'd have been like electing some teabagger mayor of Chicago. I guess it just shows how much less polarized your politics are, up there, that a right-winger was even given a chance, let alone winning.

AnAmericanInTO August 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm

If Rob Ford were a US mayor, Wonkette would NEVER stop talking about him.

Such a douche.

viennawoods13 August 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Feminine hygiene libel! But yes, Ford is so appallingly bad at being a mayor (ex: ostentatiously refusing to participate in any way, shape, or form in Toronto Pride festivities) But then he was elected by the suburbs, not the downtowners, as they will tell you again and again.

MittBorg August 22, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I wonder if that dingaling realizes that "Naked Ladies" is the common, or gardeners', name for Amaryllis belladonna?

Dudleydidwrong August 19, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I used to think that Canada was the only civilized nation in North America, but now I'm beginning to wonder if some of the disease that has turned us into a nation led by people who are free of thought-and-reason hasn't spread northward. Build the wall, build the wall. (But don't forget to let me in if Rmoney and Lyin' Ryan win.).

NYNYNYjr August 19, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Ah fukah-yoo!

LocalGirlMakesGoo August 19, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I wasn't aware he was an expert on Women's Health. My gyno is out of town for the week, so I think I'll redirect my questions to his FB wall.

Beetagger August 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I upvoted you just for your user name.

LocalGirlMakesGoo August 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Thanks?

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I've always admired your user name, but is there a backstory to it? I'm curious, namely, about the Goo.

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

It always makes me think of Bruce Weitz in Hill Street Blues, typing with two fingers as he's filling in an arrest form for a hooker who's getting her 3rd solicitation charge in two days:

Belker: Name?
Hooker: Lotta
Belker: Yer LAST name?
Hooker: Gue (pronounced "goo")
Belker: "Lotta Gue?"
Hooker: (just angrily stares at him)

(I'll assume that's not the source of the username, though)

LocalGirlMakesGoo August 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I folded my newspaper to do the crossword, thus rendering the headline "Local Girl Makes Good on …" (I forgot what she made good on. A promise, maybe? To save kittens?) into Local Girl Makes Goo. I couldn't resist using it.

poorgradstudent August 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I'm sure he's up on the latest research by Doctors Aristotle and Galen that female anatomy is just the same as male anatomy only inside-out.

orygoon August 19, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Did he say "Just lay [sic] back and enjoy it"? Cuz that's the gift that gave us Ann Richards, in Texas.

Chichikovovich August 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

No, don't enjoy it! Then you can get pregnant!

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 3:00 am

That's precisely the implication, and you put your finger (heh) on it because you are SMRT. They're trying to frame the entire argument into "well, only witches float, so if you're an innocent woman, you would have drowned. BURN HER!!" Well, if it were a *legitimate* rape, you wouldn't have gotten pregnant, so, since you're pregnant, you must have enjoyed it, you slut, so it wasn't rape at all, no abortion for you! I just keep thinking of MyBestGirl. This cannot be allowed to happen. For all our daughters.

sharethegrief August 19, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I still have a t-shirt that reads:
I'd rather do drugs with Ann than have sex with Clayton.

rocktonsam August 19, 2012 at 8:08 pm

coach knight said that first

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 1:55 am

I'm hoping that "You can just close your eyes" will be enough to rid PA of Corbett when he comes back up for re-election.

barto August 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Scenario we wish:
Todd Akins is raped repeatedly by his fellow misogynists. Determination (our survey says!): completely legitimate and called for.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Raped with votes!
With, um, surveyor's votes!
yeah, that's the ticket.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Surveyor's votes are illegitimate rape, because the victim (if you can call them that) should have known well in advance that they were being targeted by checking Sarah Palin's website, and then prepared defensive measures accordingly. In other words; they were asking for it.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm

So he won't get pregnant, anyhow. And if his cunt closes down, we won't have to hear from him either. So win^2.

Badonkadonkette August 19, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Todd Akin's grasp of the nuances of different ways to commit rape – so easily lost on most of us – sounds eerily like it comes from lots of experience.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 3:01 am

He *has* six children. That he's acknowledged, anyway.

boobookitteh August 19, 2012 at 4:10 pm

That is a legitimate fivehead.

Chet Kincaid_ August 19, 2012 at 4:46 pm

So much volume, so little grey matter!

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 1:56 am

Like a half-filled Lays bag, it is.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Perhaps he is only four feet tall?

obfuscator2 August 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

todd akin's got a four dollar haircut… it's a buck a side.

/rim shot

NorthStarSpanx August 19, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I wonder if his sciency-fanagled transvaginal probe invention will have a built-in "legitimate rape" sensor alert?

Just lay back ladies, close your eyes and wait for the alarm to go off.

kakotechnia August 19, 2012 at 4:11 pm
tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

…but did sent Akins a note of admiration for his forehead.

Calapine August 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Does this asswipe realise women can hear him too? It's so unbelievable hearing these guys talk over our heads, as if we weren't the room. Unilaterally ruling if it's rape or not and decide for other human beings if it's ok for them to have an abortion.

This stuff is more objectifying and demeaning than any sort of porn could ever be.

Let's put them up against the wall. If innocent the the votes wont kill.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm

The question is, can women in Missouri hear him, or is there some special scrambling apparatus?

poorgradstudent August 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

That's the thing that gets me. I know some people will come out with whatever wacky thing they believe even if it's that, say, King Solomon genetically engineered the white race as warrior-slaves, but I also have met more than a couple of people who believe in things like the existence of ghosts. They're not necessarily *ashamed* of their opinions, but they know that in certain circles they'll either end up looking badly or at the very least spark a pointless argument that nobody needs or wants, so in certain company and certain situations they'll keep their mouth shut.

So…if normal civilian people know better, how the fuck does a politician not know to try to self-censor? Does the 24/7 news cycle eventually trip them up, or are they really so stuck up their own ass that they think that everyone would have to recognize every syllable as a truth bomb?

Texan_Bulldog August 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

All you women who got fake-raped can suck it!

But now I'm envisioning a little revolving door in the fallopian tube that discards 'bad' sperm & only lets the Akin-approved 'good' sperm in.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

i was picturing it more like the security thing at the airport, but yours is good, too.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 6:32 pm

A legitimate rape pat-down?

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I can see just where that would fit on this handy diagram

Swampgas_Man August 19, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I just think of it as the Akins Diet.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 19, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I had in mind a little Maxwell's demon* character, swatting away the legitimate guys.

*Yeah, that's probably just me.

MittBorg August 20, 2012 at 3:57 am

I thought you had myrmidons for that kind of shit.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 22, 2012 at 11:53 am

I don't have myrmidons, I have actual Myrmidons — and this would be a waste of their particular talents. Also, they wouldn't fit.

MittBorg August 22, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I don't see why *Maxwell's* demon has to do all the hard work, Biely. Surely someone *else* can step up once in a while.

deanbooth August 19, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Hmm, I recently just happened to read something about the Middle Ages that is somewhat relevant: "If a rape resulted in pregnancy, the woman who carried the child had almost no chance of winning in court. The “two-seed” theory of conception, which was prevalent at the time, held that both men and women needed to “ejaculate” to conceive a child. As ejaculation was always accompanied by pleasure, the pregnancy would be considered proof that the woman had enjoyed herself."

Berkowitz, Eric. Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire (Kindle Locations 2081-2084).

Chet Kincaid_ August 19, 2012 at 4:51 pm

There you go! Those are the very traditional values we have discarded, outside of home schools!

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

OUR traditional values are just a fucked up as THEIR traditional values.

USA! USA! USA!!!!110101oh fuckit

deanbooth August 19, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Yup, part of the noble Southern traditional values.

"The facts show that people who are raped, who are truly raped, the juices don't flow, the body functions don't work, and they don't get pregnant." — Henry Aldridge, North Carolina legislator, 1995

(Also from Berkowitz, who says, "Don't laugh, but…")

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 1:59 am

Okay, color me ignorant, but I didn't know people actually believed this, as if it's some kind of science. I feel ashamed. It reminds me of the folks that believe that black people aren't good swimmers because they have denser bones, or some shit.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 22, 2012 at 11:56 am

Maybe it's in those biology textbookss from Bob Jones "University" Press, that Louisianissippi wants its kids to learn from.

CivicHoliday August 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

My special lady juice comes in many flavors. Rapey tastes like black licorice but sadly, just like you can always count on one member of the family to eat the bad candy nobody else wants, there is always an egg or two in there who is willing to accept the foul flavor produced by unrequested sperm.

rickmaci August 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Donde los yikes!! Proof we are going backwards.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 19, 2012 at 8:33 pm

This whole "take America back" thing is getting way out of hand … going back to the 1890s was bad enough, but now they're shooting for the Middle Ages!

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm

No cutting edge science for Akin!!

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 6:35 pm

This is mission control. The raper "Legitimate" has landed, over. Probing will begin immediately.

Mittens Howell, III August 19, 2012 at 5:26 pm

As wrong as that is, it's still obvious that people of the Middle Ages were a far more civilized breed than our current day wing-nuts.

kakotechnia August 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Akin's next public health initiative: since the substance mercury is signed by the planet Mercury, which signs the marketplace, which is where you get syphilis, let's treat syphilis with mercury!

BoatOfVelociraptors August 20, 2012 at 9:29 am

Get medevial on their asses?

HarryButtle August 20, 2012 at 1:29 am

At least they had an excuse…IT WAS THE MIDDLE FUCKING AGES! THEY DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER!

What's Todd Akin's excuse?

Incitefully_Joe August 20, 2012 at 11:27 am

Note the syllogism there:

a)Women can't concieve if they don't orgasm (completely wrong)
b)It's a legitimate rape if and only if the woman does not orgasm (completely wrong, and more than a little evil)
∴ Women can't concieve from real rapes, as opposed to those fake kinds.

Thus proving that, in fact, two wrongs can take a right [away].

obfuscator2 August 19, 2012 at 4:14 pm

i think he might be confusing women with ducks or something.

SigDeFlyinMonky August 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Homosexual mallard necrophilia rape LIBEL!

horsedreamer_1 August 19, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Lea Thompson will have you know Howard was anything but gay.

nonbeliever7 August 19, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I gotta remember NOT to Google that on my work account.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Are you somehow suggesting that Akins should go fuck a duck?

obfuscator2 August 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm

hey, you don't rape a duck for quacking!

Isyaignert August 20, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Akins is a fumduck – how's that for a duck-fukking reference?

Dashboard Buddha August 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

No no…I think you might be thinking of duck's quacks not echoing or something.

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Maybe rabbits? As we know from the science textbook Watership Down, does may reabsorb fetuses if the warren is under stress.

obfuscator2 August 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

http://io9.com/5433056/female-ducks-have-evolved-

seriously, i hope akin does try to fuck a duck.

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 8:06 pm

See, no just and merciful God would create THAT. Maybe a God that sniffed a lot of glue…

obfuscator2 August 19, 2012 at 10:55 pm

this "god" person… what a cockblocker. obviously she's a man-hating feminazi.

HistoriCat August 20, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Maybe a God that sniffed a lot of glue…

That would explain so much!

obfuscator2 August 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm

and i think mr. akin might have gone tharn a long time ago.

Limeylizzie August 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Hooooey! I got Ninjas in my cooch…cool!

Chet Kincaid_ August 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

That would be in great taste for an IUD commercial!

Fare la Volpe August 19, 2012 at 5:19 pm

And they're English ninjas, so they'll politely wipe their shoes on the way out.

Guppy August 19, 2012 at 7:34 pm

One at a time, I would presume.

ProgressiveInga August 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

He also said, “Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”

C'mon, you guys, at least he supports "some" punishment for the rapist. So let's review. The child gets born, the rapist gets punished and the rape victim gets…….oh, wait. No mention of the rape victim…….

Asshole.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Judge: Were you wearing perfume? Did you talk to the defendant? Do you ever wear dresses? Do you ever… do things? [bangs hammer] Guilty! [high fives defense attorney] Well, that takes care of the trouble maker. Tell your boy he can go home.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Silly Inga, the rape victim gets blessed.

kittensdontlie August 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm

And who can forget another Akin gem:

'The heart of liberalism really is a hatred for God.'

Crafting laws from religious beliefs, that's what we hate.

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 4:27 pm

AHA!!. I see now! Per last thread …….Mark Twain = Godless, educated liberal, born in………………..MISSOURI!!!!!!!!!!!
WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

[okay, no, it's not becoming clearer......]

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Young Sam Clemens didn't ship out as an apprentice pilot to Mr Bixby at age 14 because he liked it there.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Yet to be discovered by Twainologists: Sam's earliest school essay, entitled "Get Me The Huck Outta Here".

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Very nice!

kittensdontlie August 19, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Brilliant, but now you have me confused.

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Maybe we need Venn diagrams.

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Funny, because I have always believed that Jesus was quite the liberal: never charging for healing people, hanging out with poors and so on.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

But that was a better class of sick and poor people, because they were all white, don'cha know?

MosesInvests August 20, 2012 at 12:23 am

Whattaya mean? They were a bunch of dark-skinned, hook-nosed kikes!*
Oh, you mean Aryan Jesus, right. Never mind.

*Note:this comment made by a certified Red Sea Pedestrian.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Don't forget the water into wine party trick. Too bad he forgot his safe word.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2012 at 9:27 pm

You can't hate something that doesn't exist. You can hate hypocritical followers who justify acting inhuman in His name, though.

kakotechnia August 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Akin thinks that illegitimate rape is where illegitimate babies come from.

coolhandnuke August 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm

This troglodytic bag of feces is not sponge worthy qualified to mop the sticky floors of a peep show.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I like your turn of phrase.

lochnessmonster August 19, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Thank you MO please t ake him back now!

VinnyThePooh August 19, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Some altar boys have their hands raised, Todd.

Larry McAwful August 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I wouldn't go there. I think Akin's the kind of Christian who hates Catholics.

horsedreamer_1 August 19, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Catholicism abides IOKIYAR. Ergo, Paul Ryan, Antonin Scalia, (the twice-divorced, gay-roommate-having, cross-dressing dandy) Rudy Nueveonce.

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Well, did the altar boys get pregnant? They did not, so the Akin Hypothesis holds.

You need to think more scientifically about these matters.

VinnyThePooh August 19, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Uh, legitimacy of rape not resulting in a pregnancy.
Some people…

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 4:21 pm

If only the Ku Klux Klan were around to prevent these illegitimate rapes.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Were the rapists wearing wifebeaters? Cause then the Klan would be all over them.

Pragmatist2 August 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm

How does he classify it when you get pregnant from a toilet seat?

Larry McAwful August 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

He sends a card every Mother's Day.

Fare la Volpe August 19, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Winner winner chicken dinner.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm

What's the difference between a toilet seat and Akins' mother?
A toilet seat has a smaller h–…
*hook appears from wings and yanks comment offstage*

kakotechnia August 19, 2012 at 5:10 pm

A reverse-AIDS

Dashboard Buddha August 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

You can't get pregnant from a toilet seat…although you can get crabby.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Divine intervention. (Hey, it worked once).

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Zeus might disagree.

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm
DerrickWildcat August 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Can he say that?

ThundercatHo August 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

My grandma was from Missouri and described herself as "stubborn as a Missouri mule". Right now I'm picturing this bastard getting kicked in the gonads by a real Missouri mule, repeatedly.

Fare la Volpe August 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Would that be a legitimate or illegitimate gonad kicking?

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

TOTALLY legitimate

docterry6973 August 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I got a PhD in science (all right, psychology) and I did not know that the uterus could do this. Or maybe it is the clitoris that does the gatekeeping. I knew God would never create an organ that did nothing except make sexytime fun for those evil women.

Come here a minute August 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Your scientific opinions cannot be taken seriously when your avatar is a vagina.

docterry6973 August 19, 2012 at 7:45 pm

It's an inkblot and your response is very revealing.

Come here a minute August 19, 2012 at 10:11 pm

What I don't get is why you people call all of your vagina pictures "inkblots".

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I was thinking "Trilobite with wings" or "2 Greys kissing (probably with wings)", or "Vagina with wings". There's wings there, just admit it Inkblot Keeper.

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Prior to Freud doctors believed that a uterus could wander through the body of a childless woman, looking for a fetus. I'd like to think we've advanced a little in uterine knowledge since then.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Beavis, the middle age years.

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm

OMG!! IT'S TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Who would believe that he could have gotten even dumber?
"Huh huh huh, you said 'rape'!"

horsedreamer_1 August 19, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I would have taken Beavis for Clevon in Idiocracy.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 19, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I knew I'd seen that 8-inch tall forehead somewhere before!

MosesInvests August 20, 2012 at 12:26 am

Nah, the Middle Ages were more advanced than this troglodyte.

YasserArraFeck August 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

He's right, people – the uterus can tell rapey sperms by their wide noses, nappy hair and highly rhythmic swimming action.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Shit no, they can't swim. Spermy bones too heavy.

coolhandnuke August 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Todd Akin B.S.; Women's Counseling The rapist.

Dudleydidwrong August 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

If some large gentleman were to see Akin wearing his Speedo and hold him down and penetrate him with vigor, would that be legitimate or illegitimate?

When Akin speaks his words subtract from the sum total of human knowledge. I guess that's his brand of "science."

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Any large gentleman who wished to hold Akin down and penetrate him with vigor would first have to put down his white cane and tell his Seeing Eye dog to "Stay!".

DonnyKerabotsos August 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

My policy is never to take seriously any politician who thinks he's fooling anyone with his comb-over.

kittensdontlie August 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

A professionally dyed comb-over("only his hairdresser knows…).

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Meh, it's better than the orange color that Raygun went for.
$1.79 a box at Walgreen's.

a_pink_poodle August 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Well apparently it's not against the law to kidnap and rape a little girl now according to Steve King!

DrunkIrishman August 19, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Missouri – we've come along way from Harry S. Truman!

cheaphits August 20, 2012 at 5:47 am

And –
Stu Symington
Tom Eagleton
Dick Gephardt
Richard Bolin
Ike Skelton
Edward Long

I blame mass migrations from Kansas & Oklahoma

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Akin tried to get this published as a chapter in "Mullet Jesus's Science for Christian Schools" [Billy Bob Jones University Press], but they rejected it because of his librul claim that *any* rapes were legitimate and thus, should result in those uppity, whorish ladyparts rejecting the sperms, instead of being blessed with The Miracle of Childbirth [tm].

SayItWithWookies August 19, 2012 at 4:41 pm

This jackass has obviously suffered one too many legitimate skullfuckings for his own good.

VespulaMaculata August 19, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Just when I think I'm too experienced and old to be surprised how full of shit one person can be, along comes another to make me still feel naive. Thank you, Todd.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

You're "born again".

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Legitimately.

johnnyzhivago August 19, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Akin's views on rape: STUPID

Fact that he's leading in the polls: REALLY STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Missouri should be the "SHOW ME YOUR BRAINS" state

Dashboard Buddha August 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I know, right? How is this even possible. If I were conservative or even really conservative, this would cause the face palm heard around the world. Who could sanely think, wow, this fool has some messed up views about rape, but I hate liberals so much I'm going to vote for him anyway. Hell, I might even send in a contribution.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Who? Apparently 49% of Missourians.

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I got date-raped last Thursday by a woman I met through match.com. She turned out to be a birther, said Obama was "foreign," spewed Hannity talking points all night, and tracted me as we parted in the restaurant parking lot. Ew! I feel so violated!

CthuNHu August 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Were these huge tracts?

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

8.5" x 11", 3-fold, bleed-printed (probably inkjet), full color.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Fake ass tracts.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 5:38 pm

What does "tracted" mean? I looked it up and got this:
2. Anatomy
a. A system of organs and tissues that together perform a specialized function: the alimentary tract.
b. A bundle of nerve fibers having a common origin, termination, and function.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm

the woman was from Missouri, so "tracted me as we parted in the restaurant parking lot" means she ran him over with a tractor.

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Wait a minute, wait a minute…this was in CA. But MO has cities, with blah people and everything, although none of them appeared in the Judy Garland classic, "Meet Me In St Louis." Wouldn't have been appropriate…

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Handed me a religious tract. Not a verb, I know, I know.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 5:57 pm

No, thanks, I'm just unlearned so I need extra 'splainin sometimes.

CapnFatback August 20, 2012 at 7:36 am

Ooh la la! How Chick!

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Sounds legit to me. You're not preggers.

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I'd be taking a long hot shower after that experience myself.

HarryButtle August 20, 2012 at 1:34 am

"…spewed Hannity talking points all night…"

You mean you actually hung around after the first one? Was she smokin' hot or are you just exceptionally polite?

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 6:35 am

Does your match.com profile list your ideal woman as "warm-blooded?"

James Michael Curley August 20, 2012 at 9:44 am

You were lucky. She could have had you bound, gagged and stuffed into a rocket and launched.

Lot_49 August 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

That’s why her screen name was Blicero.

James Michael Curley August 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Blicero as a woman. Kinky. That conjures up images of Dr. Elsa Schneider in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm

When asked for comment, Pat Robertson said, "It's illegitimate rape that causes all these different colored orphans that grow up weird".

He then waved his hand above his head while staring at it bug-eyed, said, "Oh, wow! I can *see* the music!", and wandered away eating Little Debbie snack cakes.

BlueStateLibel August 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Republicans sure are obsessed with sexual assault, aren't they?

miss_grundy August 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

They are obsessed with sex, period. It makes you wonder why, doesn't it. I guess when you meet one of these asshats, they are such a turn-off, that any thinking woman wouldn't have sex with them. So I guess since they aren't getting any, they are just mad at women.

docterry6973 August 19, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Sex is only OK if you are trying to make a baby and don't enjoy the act. Otherwise it shows a sinful focus on this life that detracts from your worship of god. Pleasure is sin.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 19, 2012 at 6:47 pm

It seems to be a consent thing. Hostile takeovers, overthrowing the shah, "throwing some crappy little country against the wall, just to show them we mean business" as said by Jonah Goldberg at NRO, and rape.

Veritas78 August 19, 2012 at 6:59 pm

This guy sure is. If I were his wife/daughter/any-woman-within-500-feet, I'd take out a restraining order, just in case.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2012 at 9:29 pm

The sin makes the pleasure all the greater.

rickmaci August 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

The village of Dumbfuck, Missouri would like for Congress to return its missing idiot.

ttommyunger August 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

1. Comb-Over. 2. Smug, self-satisfied smile. 3-Dead eyes….Yup, that's a Rightard.

Larry McAwful August 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I might feel better about the Republican Party if they'd, y'know, disown their crackpots every now and then. Consider Tennessee, where a white supremacist won the Democratic primary. The DNC has officially disowned that guy. But the RNC will continue to support Todd Akin, even if he illegitimately rapes someone, himself.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

They'll disown them, all right, but only for the wrong things.
Coming out in favor of a "kill all the negroes" law = fine and dandy.
Coming out in favor of gay marriage or decriminalized marijuana = dropped faster than a loose button.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm

That's good Job Creatin', GOP.

Kidneys4Sale August 20, 2012 at 2:29 am

Job Creationism?

dennis1943 August 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I am beginning to understand why some Afgans are conflicted……….

Chet Kincaid_ August 19, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Congressman Akin looks suspiciously like a certain deceased leader of Syria:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hafez_al-Assad

Why would Congressman Akin's slut mother accuse Hafez al-Assad of legitimate rape when he is living proof that she craved indecent relations with Arabs?

(Note: This supposition is entirely as scientifically valid as the evidence that Barack Obama is the progeny of Malcolm X. So suck it, Todd.)

fartknocker August 19, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Todd Akin is like every other GOP numbnut: Less government, unless I say so.

And here's something else to irritate you. A Tumbler site of rich kids Instagram postings.
http://richkidsofinstagram.tumblr.com/

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Here's Chris Rock and Jon Stewart commiserating about how they can't relate to their own kids, because they (the kids) are rich.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-august-8-20

Jump to 3:47

Dashboard Buddha August 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge,
she studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College,
that's where I,
caught her eye.

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 5:00 pm

"he uterus is able to determine the difference between “legitimate” and “illegitimate” rape" which suggests that my uterus has an IQ much higher than Akin's.

BerkeleyBear August 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Well, I'm certain it is much more nurturing than this asshat has ever been.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I know what you meant, but it sounded like Akin has a uterus.

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I said that to confuse you. Not really, my finger is not as knowledgable as my uterus. Akin has no uterus but he's still a pussy.

miss_grundy August 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

This asshat has suffered from one too many concussions and can no longer think logically or critically. I hope a female from his state will kick him in the family jewels for making his stupid remarks. I'm also thinking there are probably more Republican rapists than Democrat rapists since Republicans are so highly immoral.

coolhandnuke August 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

As a man of science, Akin must know an aspirin between a women's knees is the surest way to rid those illegitimate sperm.

foxypuppet August 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I don't think I can snark on this one…
https://secure.actblue.com/entity/fundraisers/128

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Excellent idea! Gave 5 bucks.

kittensdontlie August 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Scientific theory: Can a man's brain be located entirely in his anus.

Proof: See text above.

salt_bagel August 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm

CONSTITUTION OF THE STATE OF MISSOURI Art. !V Sect. 4

They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys. becuse these babbys cant frigth back?

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:49 pm

How is babby fromed? How gril git pragnit?

Chichikovovich August 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Republican male seduction line: "A condom? Look, honey, I promise you you won't get pregnant. Every girl I've been with says it felt like rape."

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 5:20 pm

"Illegitimate" and "Legitimate" brands of rape? Sounds a lot like "New Coke" or "Crystal Pepsi". I predict these won't be as popular as Original Rape.

Naked_Bunny August 19, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Someone should teach Akin the difference between legitimate and illegitimate head bludgeoning. (With votes.)

Mittens Howell, III August 19, 2012 at 5:29 pm

The War On Woman will go down in history as the conflict where one side tried to overwhelm the opposition by repeatedly shooting themselves in the face, while said opposition just stood their shaking heads.

Mittens Howell, III August 19, 2012 at 5:31 pm

He sure put on his sunday-best rape face for that photo.

rdxenti August 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I live in Missouri. He'll win 58% of the vote because that's how 58% of these fucktards think.

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 2:17 am

You guys have a Dem gov and a Dem female senator. Do not dispair, especially after he's made such a horrible comment. It'll be all in the news, later today.

MittBorg August 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

(Hugs Negropolis) I just want you to tell me you're NOT LZ. You're not, are you?

BerkeleyBear August 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Can we just all laugh at the idea that a guy with a degree in Engineering Management thinks he's qualified to say anything about science or technology. That track is for people who can't actually do engineering, just try to figure out how many engineers you can fit in a given workspace and how fast they should be able to work.

brabbler1 August 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Vaginas also naturally repel attempted intrusion by Congressman Akin. It's like magic!

fuflans August 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

i can see the wonkette weekend edition is doing everything possible to provide maximum hilarity for our days off.

now i think i'm going to read 'king lear' or something.

Chichikovovich August 19, 2012 at 8:49 pm

That reminds me of a great money-making plan I have. I'm going to make a wood polish called "Vile Jelly".
Then I can have the advertising slogan: "Got out Vile Jelly? Where lies the lustre now?"

fuflans August 19, 2012 at 9:46 pm

of all the roles i have ever played, regan is my favorite. and the first time, i was actually allowed to take part in the blinding.

i would be happy to endorse your jelly…

Chichikovovich August 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I am so jealous that you get to actually play such roles.

As for the business idea, you can play the role of the blind man's cruel housekeeper with spectacularly glistening floors in the commercials. You'll be the Flo from Progressive of the next half-decade. Except, you know, not so dorky. Rather, exceptionally cool.

[P.S. - how did the trip to Stratford go? Get to see anything good?]

fuflans August 20, 2012 at 11:06 am

well it's a double edged sword – as everything is i guess. some days i get to thrust the blind man out of gates and let him smell his way to dover. then other days, i reflect on the fact that i have a completely inadequate (union!) pension and will probably have to work a day job til i'm 87.

still, i think i wouldn't change it. i've done about half the cannon (and some dekker and webster) and it really is a privilege to be in the middle of one of humanity's greatest achievements. i hope i've done them justice…

stratford was great. we saw 'much ado' which was good (and well done). i had issues of course, but i wouldn't be an actor if i didn't (and i wouldn't dream of boring anyone else with them. we are usually quite petty…).

do you get there? this season has been getting just rave reviews.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 1:25 am

"King Leer" was a monthly cartoon feature in Playboy from 1971-73, drawn by Harvey Kurtzman.

awashinshite August 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

We haven't lost the ability to feel shame. I'm terrifically ashamed to be of the same species as this, er, person. "legitimate rape" – first time I've ever heard those two words put together – what's he hiding -a liking for "illegitimate" rape?

proudgrampa August 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Wow. The time has come for me to disavow the state of my birth. From now on, I was born on Tralfamador.

Callyson August 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Update from this asshole. also from TPM:

Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) said late Sunday that he "misspoke" when he claimed that women who are victims of "legitimate rape" have biological defenses that fend off a pregnancy and therefore do not need legal abortion rights.

"In reviewing my off-the-cuff remarks, it's clear that I misspoke in this interview and it does not reflect the deep empathy I hold for the thousands of women who are raped and abused every year," Akin said in a statement. He promised rape victims "will have no stronger advocate in the Senate to help ensure they have the justice they deserve" if he is elected.

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/akin-

Yeah, that's what this fucker says now, but the original TPM article linked above knows better:

In 2011, the House GOP was forced to drop language from a bill that would have limited federal help to pay for an abortion to only victims of “forcible rape.” Akin was a co-sponsor on the bill.
Nor is this Akin’s first time suggesting some types of rape are more worthy of protections than others. As a state legislator, Akin voted in 1991 for an anti-marital-rape law, but only after questioning whether it might be misused “in a real messy divorce as a tool and a legal weapon to beat up on the husband,” according to a May 1 article that year in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

If this asshole *has* a dick, I hope it dries up and falls off…

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm

He said "empathy"! The wingnuts HATE empathy! http://goo.gl/qQopL

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm

"…. off-the-cuff remarks, it's clear that I misspoke…"

You piece of shit.

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Shouldn't there some way to blame a staffer for words you extemporaneously say yourself?

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 6:46 pm

He's workin on that at this very moment.

His staffer was reading out-loud from the book deanbooth mentioned……..
.
Berkowitz, Eric. Sex and Punishment
and he just was remembering that, and misspoke……….

PsycWench August 19, 2012 at 9:35 pm

"misspoke" = "said what I meant until I realized that it was not cost-effective".

RadioBowels August 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I would bet this pustule has raped women in the past. Me thinks he doth protest too much. More than a little reaction formation here.
Yeah, a "miss poke" would be another "legitimate rape."

Veritas78 August 19, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Or he had a "disagreement" with a woman as to whether he had raped her, and his feelings have been hurt ever since.

Seriously, why else would he keep returning to this? He's the Andrew Shirvell of rape.

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm

"I misspoke" == "I blew a complete and obvious lie out of my ass".

Chichikovovich August 19, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) said late Sunday that he "misspoke" when he claimed that women who are victims of "legitimate rape" have biological defenses that fend off a pregnancy and therefore do not need legal abortion rights.

Saying "Smith" instead of "Smythe" is misspeaking. Saying that Tony Bennett was called "The Chairman of the Board" when you know it was Frank Sinatra and would have realized it if you had thought for just a moment is misspeaking. Referring to something as happening on "February 31st" is misspeaking.

Saying what you said, on the other hand, is not misspeaking. Such things get said because the person who says them believes them. Sometime in the past, this belief entered your head as a result of some misunderstood newspaper article or misheard conversation or just from an uninformed chance remark from some pipefitter or used car salesman (but certainly not a physician) at the weekly poker game. When it drifted into your head you seized on it and have clung to it unquestioningly, because it is just so convenient. It fits so perfectly with everything you believe. You have never allowed yourself to encounter any genuine information that might cause you to question that treasured, precious belief. On occasion, despite your best efforts, you stumble inadvertently on some genuine information that reveals that this is a falsehood as obvious as "All frogs have 25 legs" or "Cheese Whiz wards off mosquitoes." and just as easily disproven. On those rare occasions you have closed your mind immediately, and dismissed the intruding knowledge as "biased" and "bad science" and "liberal propaganda".

What you said is evidently something you believed, and you still believe (though you've found it convenient to deny this, because of "all those feminazis (sic) out there".) This is a belief that has guided you in drafting legislation. This is a belief that has informed your attitude toward women who have been drugged and raped and become pregnant as a result. Toward women who are coerced into incestuous relationships and become pregnant as a result. Toward women who are dragged into alleys and raped at gunpoint and who become pregnant as a result.

That's why you are beneath contempt.

shelwood46 August 19, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Oh, no, he didn't hear this from an article or misheard conversation or choice remark. In the wake of this, a number of people have come forward to say that this is something being taught in Sunday School. That's right, in church, to children, here in the United States, in the 21st century. This is a church teaching being put forward to invalidate any claim that there should be a rape exception for abortion. It is dead serious indoctrination.

Chichikovovich August 19, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Thanks, shelwood46. This is something that absolutely must be known.Even if it is the most depressing thing I've heard in a very long time.—

comrad_darkness August 19, 2012 at 9:40 pm

The Taliban approves of this.

Doktor Zoom August 19, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Bravo, Chich!

docterry6973 August 19, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Now I feel better. He just misspoke, like when someone says 'infer' but means 'imply'. It was silly of me to let it bother me.

shiningmathpath August 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I had a similar theory, but I think it has been disproven because Akin is a legitimate fucktard and his intestines haven't leapt up through his throat to strangle him.

tessiee August 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

When questioned further, Akin said:
"When my people come to colonize this planet, you will be on the protected rolls, and no harm will come to you. [...] I mean, we are from France! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD-vAWecEus

BTWBFDIMHO August 19, 2012 at 6:06 pm

What would they call it if a dinosaur had unprotected oral sex with Jesus Christ? Or with La Virgen María? An illegitimate Bloody Mary?

Callyson August 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Are you serious, Wikipedia? There's another fun fact about this prick?

Home of record
In May 2011, questions were raised about Akin's official address for voting. According to the Associated Press and St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Akin has lived in Wildwood, in far western St. Louis County, since at least 2009, and perhaps as early as 2007, when he and his wife purchased a home there. However, he has continued to list his official residence as Town and Country, and signed a polling place logbook attesting to his living there in April 2011. According to the Missouri Secretary of State's office, anyone knowingly giving false information to election workers is guilty of a felony violation of state election laws.

Time for someone to do some investigating…there must be one real reporter somewhere in the state of Missouri…

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Reporter, shmeeporter — why isn't McCaskill all over this (if, of course, true).

Lot_49 August 19, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Different dreary suburbs in the same county and same congressional district. Surely some staffer forgot to file the change of address form. The staffer was probably steering his hand as he signed the poll log. Or drove him to the wrong polling place.

Or was the election official who accepted his signature.

horsedreamer_1 August 19, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Still, in-person voter fraud.

Someone put out the Spakovsky Signal!

/makes wanking motion

RadioBowels August 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Today we are all the product of "legitimate" rapes.

Callyson August 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Another update from TPM, which sees an upside to this crap:

Akin Outburst Will Put Pressure On Romney-Ryan
Missouri Republican Senate nominee Todd Akin’s claim that women who are victims of “legitimate rape” have biological defenses to prevent pregnancy — and therefore don’t need the legal right to have an abortion — is already shaking up the Senate race in the Show Me State.
But it’s also perfectly timed to put heat on the Republican presidential ticket, given the recent selection of Rep. Paul Ryan and his especially conservative views on abortion.
Ryan’s abortion positions were already threatening to break out as a major issue in the campaign as Democrats seek to harness their advantage with women voters. Akin’s comments are likely to thrust a glaring spotlight onto Ryan’s views…
The Obama campaign was already mobilizing an effort to highlight Ryan’s abortion views before Akin’s explosive comments. That effort will likely get an early kick-start Monday morning, as Sen. Claire McCaskill, Akin’s opponent, sits down with MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.”

http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/08/todd-ak

Can't stand Scarborough but I hope Claire rips Akin a new one…

rocktonsam August 19, 2012 at 6:26 pm

its like anything these people say or do is alright and their base just agrees with them.

if i was that smart, I'd still have my job in Walker's Wisconsin, still own my home and still have a girlfriend my wife agreed to me having.

i hate amerikkka

Geminisunmars August 19, 2012 at 6:32 pm

True story: back in the dim, dark ages of my youth, a young feller I was boinking believed that women couldn't get preggers if they didn't orgasm. This might have been Akin's Dad.

Guppy August 19, 2012 at 7:38 pm

He must have been real surprised when Akin was born, then.

BZ1 August 19, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Todd, a graduate of the Science of B.S.

JustPixelz August 19, 2012 at 6:37 pm

If Miss-Ouri elects this prick, it's because she's was asking for it.

BarackMyWorld August 19, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I suddenly find myself missing John Ashcroft.

HogeyeGrex August 20, 2012 at 5:14 am

THE. HORROR.

But yeah. I know what you mean.

not that Dewey August 20, 2012 at 8:27 am

And he lost to a dead guy.

emmelemm August 19, 2012 at 6:41 pm

If anything calls for a suspension of the Commenting Rules for Radicals, it's this guy. I hope he gets skullfucked and assraped. NOT WITH VOTES.

WhatTheHeck August 19, 2012 at 6:55 pm

… so in that famous Monty Python skit where they mention … rape… rape…. they knew, even back in the ’60’s, that there were legitimate and illegitimate kinds of rape.
Todd Akin needs to be slapped about the face with a dead fish.

deliciouscheese August 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Guys, maybe he's just confusing humans with ducks!
http://scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2009/12/

LibertyLover August 19, 2012 at 7:16 pm

What's that old saying about "Better to be thought of a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt?"

DahBoner August 19, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Management Engineering is where you learn how to sort data in spreadsheets, how to make wild, unrealistic guesses about schedule and how to show up at meetings wearing nice clothes with a topical joke about Obama Kenyan Socialism/White Slavery…

bobbert August 19, 2012 at 8:40 pm

PERT Chart libel!!!

not that Dewey August 19, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Gannt Libel!

MittBorg August 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Jesuschrist, the three of you just reminded me of what I HATE most about working for CorporateAmerikkka.

JustPixelz August 19, 2012 at 8:15 pm

They like "science" when it can be used to further control lady parts. But when actual science says we're warming the climate, it's just a bunch of elitist frauds. When actual scientists tells us life evolved instead created by the Sky God, it's banned from the classroom.

TxSpinyLizrd August 19, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Jaycee Dugard would like a word with you, Rep. Akin.

Self-Uploader August 19, 2012 at 8:34 pm

To be fair, my vagina completely shut closed when I saw his picture.

glamourdammerung August 19, 2012 at 8:36 pm

The Republican Party Rapist Outreach campaign is very, very strange.

ElPinche August 19, 2012 at 8:45 pm

if you libtards had a proper christian education , you'd know the Beka book definition of good ole fun rape.

kakotechnia August 19, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Whoa whoa whoa, don't start making discrete sets of rape now. That's Satan!

ElPinche August 19, 2012 at 8:56 pm

It was a matter of time for an actual pro-rape stance in the GOP . We'll be discussing legitimate vs illegitimate pedophilia in due time.

kakotechnia August 19, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Akin thinks that Jesus came out of the most legitimate rape of all.

comrad_darkness August 19, 2012 at 9:36 pm

All of this makes me torn over the fact that life expectancy in the U.S. has stalled. This guy's 65. I'd like to think I can outlive these ignorant, unsympathetic bastards.

Beowoof August 19, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Russia has a Pussy Riot, America has a Dick Armey, who won the Cold War? With due credit to Charlie Pierce.

RadioBowels August 19, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Scenario 1: Akin is wearing modest clothing returning to his home after his Wednesday Bible study class. He is accosted at knifepoint by a large, unkempt black man wearing an “Obama 2012” hat, who drags him into an alley and sodomizes him.
Determination: Legitimate rape. His sphincter shuts down immediately, the rapist’s semen oozes as Santorum

Scenario 2: At a party where alcoholic beverages are being consumed, a young congressman passes out in a private bedroom. A man of the same age and race finds him and proceeds to have sexual relations as he sleeps peacefully.
Determination: Illegitimate rape. Because the man's own moral turpitude is entirely to blame for the situation he was placed in, he is a gay sinner.

Scenario 3: A man arranges to meet a date he met online at an art gallery. He is boorish and three inches shorter than his profile suggested. He agrees to go back to his apartment only to tell him that he does not want to see him again. But at soon as they get inside he assaults him brutally, keeping him prisoner for three days.
Determination: Illegitimate rape. Because he did not use a Todd Akin-approved dating service (Christian Mingle or eHarmony), the man in this scenario is responsible both for his own predicament and the fact that he is gay.

smokefilledroommate August 19, 2012 at 10:31 pm

What about incest? That egg & sperm's all down home comfy-like–biscuits, gravy. Feels like family.

RadioBowels August 19, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Sheesh, legitimate, it's right there in the bible.

And the elder said to the younger Our father is old, and there is no man left on the earth, to come in unto us after the manner of the whole earth. Come, let us make him drunk with wine, and let us lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the elder went in and lay with her father: but he perceived not neither when his daughter lay down, nor when she rose up. And the next day the elder said to the younger: Behold I lay last night with my father, let us make him drink wine also to night, and thou shalt lie with him, that we may save seed of our father. They made their father drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in, and lay with him: and neither then did he perceive when she lay down, nor when she rose up. So the two daughters of Lot were with child by their father. [Genesis 19:31-36]

UW8316154 August 19, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Prison rape: legitimate or not??

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 10:42 pm

TBogg has update starring Dana Lush.
http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2012/08/19/the-pride

Sorry…it's Dana Loesch. I mistyped.

Thurman Munster IV August 19, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Missouri: The Show Me How Stupid State

Native_of_SL_UT August 19, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Wait, example #3 was stolen from Wednesdays Salt Lake Tribune story about Greg Petersen, the CPAC of the West organizer who was arrested for raping several women.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/54702298-78/pet

Dude was raping women and rubbing shoulders with Romney, Hatch and other prominent Utah politicians.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 1:14 am

Man, his lawyer in that photo is all, "shut the fuck up and don't look at me, you piece of shit!!"

subsum August 20, 2012 at 1:25 am

Damn! That look is that of a serious sociopath. What a fucking creep.

johnnyzhivago August 19, 2012 at 11:21 pm

For such a stupid remark you know that on FOX there will be a "D" after his name by tomorrow…

Soylent Green August 19, 2012 at 11:39 pm

The point has finally been reached where Republicans scratch their heads and say, "What's up with this weird fucked-up shit you're saying?"

Troglodeity August 19, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Will enjoy hearing his press secretary explain how this was all taken out of context.

RadioBowels August 20, 2012 at 12:00 am

It was his staff's fault.

Troglodeity August 19, 2012 at 11:46 pm

BREAKING NEWS: Romney-Ryan camp has of course swiftly condemned Akin's statement in the strongest possible terms. Wait, they didn't? Never mind.

NYNYNYjr August 19, 2012 at 11:49 pm

This is how he legitimizes his own conception, because he doesn't like the way his mother describes it.

Douché August 19, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Is there a difference between legitimate and illegitimate comb-overs? If so, someone should sodomize this douche-bag

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 2:26 am

No comb-over is legitimate. A comb-over is a lie.

Barb_ August 20, 2012 at 12:54 am

yes

subsum August 20, 2012 at 1:07 am

Here's proof his theory is wrong: his mother couldn't "shut the whole thing down" and now there he is.

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 1:24 am

Totally OT, but I just got back from seeing Beasts of the Southern Wild – an indie film with the kind of pretension that often comes from this kind of label – and let me just say "Wow." Speechless, can't even tell you. Just go see it if it's in your area. I actually went a city over just to see it since it's in limited release. This movie is straight in the wheelhouse of you Wonkeratti. I don't usually hawk stuff, but, man was it powerful.

On the top, if this doesn't help finally bring back McCaskill back from the electoral land of the dead, I don't know what will, and Missouri should be forced out of the Union.

spinozasgod August 20, 2012 at 2:08 am

I believe this is actually taught in some home schooling programs as part of "science" class. I kid you not.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 20, 2012 at 4:41 am

What an interesting gentleman.

It's a constant surprise to me that people like this are even considered for office in this fine country. He'd get nowhere near being an MP in England.

At the risk of being censored, I claim that nobody would cry if this gent were to be hoofed in the wedding tackle until his eyes leaped out and popped like over-ripe grapes.

glasspusher August 20, 2012 at 7:59 am

I gotta admit, that paints an image.

…and a good morning to you, too, sir!

BarryWDC August 20, 2012 at 5:26 am

"Illegitmate rape" is a phrase that's sort of like "intelligent "Republican."

DustBowlBlues August 20, 2012 at 7:15 am

Hello. Logging in from Essex, where one of my hosts, a professor of statistics at a fancy college over here is still speechless after reading the Xian text book view of set theory.He seems to think it's basic to math, or something. Whatever.

When they read Akin's fuckup last night, they were aghast. (They use Mittens style words over here). If I've donen nothing else in my role as a goodwill ambassador for the US, I've made them realize there are worse things than David Cameron.

When they told me who actually made the rape statement (they read it on the Guardian and were so shocked they couldn't remember what the Akin was) and I realized he was the lout who's running against pretty-much Democratic Clare M, I put my hands together and looked to the sky (their ceiling actually) and said "thank you, thank you." They also found that funny.

BTW–They're as afraid of a Mittbot win as I am, concerned that GB will be dragged into whatever disastrous wars the Repubtards finally get to declare.

Signing out, lest they learn I also post to this potty-mouthed site.

Grokenstein August 20, 2012 at 7:19 am

You know, if you rape Todd Akin, he can't get pregnant.
Just sayin'.

glasspusher August 20, 2012 at 7:58 am

Despite the contents of his remarks, I would not advocate such a scenario.

…take the high road…take the high road…

(rocks back and forth in corner)

SaintRond August 20, 2012 at 7:52 am

Yeah, now watch this venal moron win the election.

glasspusher August 20, 2012 at 7:56 am

Thanks for this, Wonkette- Ms. glasspusher had trouble getting to sleep last night after reading about this, but the comments cheered her up.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 20, 2012 at 8:52 am

I can’t get past “legitimate rape”.

glasspusher August 20, 2012 at 9:31 am

That's the correct reaction.

smitallica August 20, 2012 at 9:05 am

Well, when you believe the earth is 6000 years old and every species on earth can fit on one boat, you can believe just about anything.

WIDTAP August 20, 2012 at 9:09 am

Anyone who says this reflects the GOP bias against women is a racist.

Wait, what?

Misty Malarky August 20, 2012 at 9:36 am

Claire McCaskill said this am it's a "window into his mind".

I imagine that's like peering into window of the home of a hoarding puppy mill owner.

Negropolis August 20, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I imagine it's more like peering into a funhouse mirror with a killer clown behind you.

anniegetyerfun August 20, 2012 at 9:39 am

Well, to be fair, his source for the vaginal shut-down information was Dr. Ron Paul.

Steverino247 August 20, 2012 at 9:40 am

Republicans are coming out against his comments today, but the true reason is because he exposed how many of them truly think and he changed the topic from how Obamacare is going to overtax the job creators.

dennis1943 August 20, 2012 at 9:54 am

His brain was raped……that's why it shut down………….

Chichikovovich August 20, 2012 at 9:54 am

One late afterthought: There's so much that's disgusting in Akins' remark.

There's the core claim that if a woman becomes pregnant, it must have been that she wasn't raped.

There's the fact floating in the background, that is this is part of a rationale for forcing rape victims to carry one-week embryos to term. [And more evidence that "pro-life" should be replaced with "pro-forced-complete-pregnancy-and-labor"]

There is the distinction between "legitimate" and "illegitimate", where presumably flashy clothing, previous flirtatious behavior toward the attacker, any consumption of alcohol or drugs, any prior friendship with the attacker, invitation of the attacker into an apartment or accepting such an invitation from the attacker, …. etc. etc. makes a genuine rape not a "Akins-legitimate" rape.

[Terminological suggestion: I propose we adopt and spread the phrase "Akins rape" for any sexual assault that doesn't result in the death of the victim or a hospitalization of at least two weeks.]

There's Akins' previous comments and sponsored bills concerning rape within marriage, and "forcible rape" which makes it clear this is a view he has held for an awfully long time, and it has guided his crafting of legislation aimed at controlling millions of womens' lives. [Presumably "legitimate rape" is the new phrase, since "forcible rape" didn't fly. I wonder what the next try will be.]

And much more, to depressing to list it all. But let's not overlook this one:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare,”

This is probably a flat lie, but we should take the time to ask him just who those doctors were. If they actually exist, they should have their licences revoked.

DahBoner August 20, 2012 at 9:56 am

Even Cokie "Republican Appeaser" Roberts on NPR got a chuckle out of this idiot this moaning….

randcoolcatdaddy August 20, 2012 at 10:14 am

It's hard to snark on someone so stupid that they believe state of the art science from 1782.

Mapmonger August 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

What in hell is this idiot doing on the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology?

CivicHoliday August 20, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Oh so THAT'S why Mormons wear magic underwear! I finally get it now!

Thunderclees August 20, 2012 at 7:22 pm

This is just one of those "horrible gifts from god" that Rick Santorum mentioned a while back.

There is no new news.

Yankee_Steve August 21, 2012 at 4:13 am

BTW, Ryan and Mitten$ are almost as misogynist as this dope.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Thanks! Good story.

DemmeFatale August 19, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Reminds me of the time my daughter wanted a book on dogs at the library. The card catalog pointed her to a book, but I don't think "How to Groom Your Poo" was what she had in mind.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 1:22 am

Do you know Area Man?

LocalGirlMakesGoo August 19, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Sure! Sorry it's not all pervy.

Designer_Rants August 19, 2012 at 6:46 pm

You know, wholesomeness is almost pervy anymore.

Blueb4sinrise August 19, 2012 at 10:23 pm

It is now.

AlterNewt August 19, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Hey now!
To be fair, we also have delicious things with cheese melted on top. And many of our Freedoms and Liberties have been just a little bit eviscerated.

And cheese!

UW8316154 August 19, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Cedar cheese!

LesBontemps August 20, 2012 at 9:00 am

Two words, mon ami: Poutine.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wUg2y4nzoCI/Tanq6FMMjSI

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 1:21 am

These kids don't know nothin' about Hill Street Blues, Dok.

LocalGirlMakesGoo August 20, 2012 at 7:41 am

He hasn't been the same since the barn fire.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 20, 2012 at 9:21 am

There's this movie, http://preachingtotheperv.com/ , where the ultimate kink winds up being a normal nuclear family.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 9:30 am

Oh yeah, I think I asked to borrow your Canadian citizenship, if you weren't using it. I could work on a Caribbean accent and say I'm from Trinidad and Tobago, if that helps!

Chichikovovich August 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

No problem – but I'd be careful with that. A couple of Toronto friends originally from Tobago would get quite cranky if they were described as being from Trinidad and Tobago – and you were taking your life in your hands if you said they were from Trinidad. Pick one and stick with it.But I don't think Caribbeanification is necessary. I'm a traditionalist – if Romney wins (and Republicans take the Senate and House) I'm going to restart the Underground Railroad.—

Chichikovovich August 20, 2012 at 11:34 am

I didn't get up to Stratford, sadly. A month in Paris was wonderful and productive, but didn't leave much scope for any other travel.I understand completely how you must dissect other performances. I always come away from a Shakespeare performance thinking about all the ways I would have done things differently, unless the performance is absolutely spectacular, and sometimes even then. And I haven't been in a play of any type since early in high school. I can't imagine how much more intense the feeling would be if I actually had a clue.—

fuflans August 20, 2012 at 12:02 pm

now no offense to stratford, but i would take a month in paris over nearly anything.

except possibly italy – but italians seem grumpier and more prone to trouble these days.

how exciting!

Chichikovovich August 20, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I go there every summer. I am part of a research group at one of the natural sciences branches of the University of Paris, and it keeps me in touch with my collaborators. I'm always happy when I'm there, for a whole bunch of reasons, even though I work harder during that month than during every other month of the year.—

Doktor Zoom August 20, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Their damn loss, sez I.

MittBorg August 22, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I knew I loved you for a reason. Remember, I'm the gimpy one with the BROWNZ.

GemlikeFlame August 29, 2012 at 3:39 am

My bad, I didn't see this request. If you still want the cites, I'll drop them here.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 4:12 pm

At your leisure, my friend. The troll in question fled when I got sarky. Trolls, these days. Just no quality left in 'em.

GemlikeFlame August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

It's true that they don't make them like they usta. Why, when I were a lad you could get a good, stout, persistent troll two for a nickel. These modern ones got no staying power, and the attention span of a mayfly. You bark at 'em, and they fold like a busted flush. Bah.

No fun at all.

I'll dig up your cites soon.

MittBorg August 31, 2012 at 4:13 am

Doughty, even. Today's weak little imitators, pah. I sneeze at their fathers and mothers.

At your convenience. And thank you for remembering!

GemlikeFlame September 5, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Mitt, sorry this took so long.

Incidence of pregnancy from rape is about the same as that of a single act of unprotected intercourse (which says that a significant number of victims are not otherwise protected, which is questionable. May be an artifact of underreporting, see next cite.)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8765248

Rape is heavily underreported. RAINN seems to be a reliable source.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444

GemlikeFlame September 5, 2012 at 11:08 pm

And in case there's any question about my position on this issue, without regard to rate or gender of either victim or assailant, rape is violent crime and is the one exception I'm willing to make for the death penalty.

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