Now that Mitt Romney seems to have the Republican nomination wrapped up (although who knows, maybe he’ll be going to jail for lying on his resume), we need to know what Sarah Palin thinks of him. Ex White House deputy Press secretary Bill Burton is very curious about why Sarah Palin hasn’t endorsed Mitt yet. Are you curious? Enh, probably not, but that hasn’t stopped Sarah Palin from explaining what it is that she, and by extension the Republican base and independents (who she seems to think are the same people?), really need: for him to be “courageous and bold and passionate” and “light our hair on fire”. Is this a sex thing? Normally we’d say “yes,” because we’re crass like that, but Mitt Romney is surrounded by a powerful anti-erotic forcefield from which no cheap sex joke can escape.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t try! Here, here is a terrible and loathsome ad for some line of Trojan-branded “massager”, where ladies keep saying it’ll “blow your hair back,” as if that’s a thing humans say:
This is what your Editrix showed your Comics Curmudgeon in the Wonkette Secret Chat room when the phrase “light our hair on fire” was mentioned, which will serve as evidence in the sexual harassment suit currently being prepared. Also, former counter-terrorism head Richard Clarke said that George W. Bush’s spymasters were running around with their hair on fire in the summer of 2001 trying and failing to get the administration’s attention about al-Qaeda, so maybe Sarah Palin is demanding that Mitt Romney stop terrorism, forever?
But anyway, here are the word-noises Sarah Palin made to Sean Hannity about the presumptive nominee:
“He’s already got the right message,” the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee told Fox News’ Sean Hannity Tuesday.
But Palin added, “There are a lot of his base supporters — independents — who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then! Remind us how important it is that we get engaged in the presidential election because it is the election of our lifetime.”
The Fox News contributor encouraged the former Massachusetts governor to be more “courageous and bold and passionate” in presenting his case.
In other words, Sarah Palin is totally fine with the standard-issue establishment GOP party line policies espoused by Mitt Romney, but she wishes he were being much more of a dick about promoting them, which sounds about right. [Newsmax]
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Sarah and the rest of the Palin girls had to light their hair on fire to get rid of the pubic lice. I recommend a second sweep with an ice pick.
Why does Sarah Palin hate pubic lice?
Because they are smarter and more interesting than she is?
AOT,K
Because they get more action than she does?
Because she hates parasites not named Sarah Palin?
Because she thought they were "public" and she don' want no soshulesm. (If it's not on her hand, she can't read it.) She wants them all to herself, like a good (?) grifter.
Sarah and Todd were very upset over an Alaska health initiative to rid the state of headlice. They were afraid they'd get in trouble for driving their snowmobiles after dark.
First Commenter Barb does it again. Seriously, shouldn't you change your screen name to that?
It does have a suitably socialist ring to it.
This is a list of the Wonkette stories today, followed by the name of the first poster:
Nail Girls-thatsitfortheother1
Rick Perry’s Mansion-Actor212
Hot Houston…ChernobylSoup
Biden Live Blog-Barb
Left Bain….DumbedUp
Florida Lesbian-SuperDave
Mitt Romney v Black People-Drunk Irishman
Underwater German-Barb
Dick Cheney to Shoot….NounVerb911
Radio Wits-Actor212
Sarah Palin Demands-Barb
Fox News Magazine-NounVerb911
—————————————–
Twelve stories and I was first three times.
Hot Houston-Chernobyl Soup. Isn't that the soup of the say at Applebees on Fridays? Florida Lesbian Super Dave sounds cool, though.
Yes, it does, Wondering. It totally sounds like the lunch menu at some fern bar T.J. O'Pootin' Toot's menu.
Well, that proves it, eh? The Power of Three!
But, see, Barb, you can never be more than second, because Becca has stolen our hearts away.
I think she is studying them to work out a way to defeat Lord Cheney's evil, but they are stolen nonetheless.
Careful, those things have teeth. Oh, and so the lice.
Hey! Welcome back. Have you seen Wile E. Quixote?
Been drunk. Only thing I seen was some damn repuke pink elephants.
I humbly volunteer to light the hair of any Republican who so wishes to have it. Just let me get my gas can…
I suggest using a ten foot pole…
Sorry, they only grow to 7'4"
Will a Serb do?
Can I help, pleeez?
Sarah can see Mitt's Tax returns from her porch.
And his Swiss money.
Romney – (R) Geneva
Gov. George Romney in 1967, answering the question why did he release 12 years' of Federal income tax returns, "One year could be a fluke, perhaps done for show."
"Vanity Fair," August 2012.
by the light of a flaming bumpit.
Palin's endorsement is the kiss of death.
Seriously, my guess is that he is hoping she'll eventually forget that there's an election at all.
He just needs to throw her a ring of keys or some sticky foil.
So is Cheney's: http://goo.gl/aa6Xs
Something something Michael Jackson joke.
(It's been a long week already.)
Needs more Pepsi?
Something something Richard Pryor joke. (It has been a long week…)
NEED MOAR FREEBASING!
I'm sure Glenn Rice is somewhere, smiling.
It would explain the bad wigs…
Palin added, “There are a lot of his base supporters — independents — who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then! Remind us how important it is that we get engaged in the presidential election because it is the election of our lifetime.”
I thought the wingnuts' talking point was all about how they were going to win in November because they are so energized? Sounds like someone is losing her touch…
Duh Gov' is just phoning it in. When you try to listen to what she says, it has no relation to the news of the day. She could have said it three months ago, and she will be saying it three months from now.
Um, many of his base supporters don't have any hair, so there's that….
Hey! Bald libel!
Sarah, your pants have been on fire for so long that I can't believe it hasn't reached your hair yet.
The wig is asbestos
WIN
And Charleton Heston spends several tedious minutes talking to a burning bush.
Here snapper was probably bald already, remember she's a GILF to baggers now.
Needs moar…oh who am I kidding, I don't watch anything that bitch ever does. Nice hair tho. It's like donald trump's wig fucked sasquatch. Goonie goo goo, gus.
"…shaved the bitch down and taught her to speak."
And if my wife don't like it…
No one confuses Mittens for Mr. Mojo Risin'.
Sarah needs someone else to light her fire.
That husbian in the Dildo commercial is totally going to put all 3 up his buttercup.
"Light our hair on fire"? If I were Mitt, I'd show up at the Palins with a flamethrower.
Silly Sarah, bumpits melt before they burn.
Well, hello, stranger.
Am I curious what Sarah Palin has to say? No, of course not.
Would I like to see Mitt's supporters with their hair on fire? Yes, I most certainly would!
Where do I get in line to set Sarah's hair on fire?
Hurry up and do it before they invent the fire retardant Bump-it.
You can't say that word. It's "fire very unique person Bump-it."
I would rather try to extinguish it with an axe.
Behind me…
It would be a bonfire of the inanities.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlyvcti3kQU
Classic.
"Light our hair on fire! Or at least hold us down and take some scissors to it!"
Do we know for a fact that Mitt hasn't already held some poor kid down and lighted his hair on fire?
You'd think Republicans would be just a little more cautious about using the words "hair" and "Mitt Romney" in the same sentence.
Is Sarah implying that our beloved Mittens is lacking in personality, wit, and passion?
What gave her that idea?
Or, rather, who? Sarah likes her ideas carefully packaged, or she gets bored and wanders away looking for cotton candy trees.
Is a wig like Sarah's more or less flammable than real hair?
You wanna borrow my bic?
That's a wig? i thought a muskrat crawled up on her head.
Be bold, Mitt: Remember how bold and innovative you were at 39, when you unhesitatingly strapped your diarrhetic dog to the roof of your car in a homemade airtight container! Be that way, only this time it's the American public with the shits!
Mitt Romney is the Trojan Nuclear Plant of erotic forcefields.
*It was blown to smithereeens in 2006.
Between their hair on fire and their pants on fire, the GOP is going up in smoke!
Sarah should watch Bristol's reality show. It makes me want to light my hair on fire.
This is why God, in all Her wisdom, invented the remote control. I teach Sunday School, so I know.
The concept of spontaneous abortion didn't cross his mind?
I see she is wear protective gear disguised as hair in case of that explosion.
That really is quite the 'do – listening to too much Duran Duran or something.
Mitt is proof that to be sexy – even metaphorically – you need more than a cutting jawline and great hair. In fact, it's like someone took that presidential looking head and put it on the Tin Man. Or is it the Scarecrow? He's lacking in so many departments.
His charisma is more like charis-meh.
Mitt / Flying Monkeys 2012
It's CharisMecha, which is an app currently in beta testing.
Jebus every presidential election is the "election of our lifetime," for these twits!
Lost me at "Sarah Palin demands head". Now must clean keyboard of vomit. Thanks
I hate it when that happens, and it always happens when she's around.
Lost me at "we need to know what Sarah Palin thinks."
Sarah Palin is not privy to any insider-y Republican information.
Sarah Palin does not know anything about policy: foreign, domestic, economic, defense, &c.
Sarah Palin does not know anything about politics: how to mobilize your personnel and prospective voters effectively in order to enact your policies
Sarah Palin has no expertise in interpreting any of the above
Sarah Palin cannot speak the English language
Sarah Palin smells like moose-balls
Feel free to add more facts about this important and respected pundit below!
Sarah Palin once shot a man in Reno because her water broke.
Sarah Palin learned a lot about mutually beneficial arrangements.
Sarah Palin is not hot.
May we add conjectures??
Hell, she adds conjuntions like they were going out of style so…sure, conject away.
There's the well-known "Palin Hookworm conjecture". I've read about it on the internet so it must be true, and no-one in her family has ever denied it . . .
Sarah Palin can play the 1812 Overture in her armpit.
Including the cannon fire volley.
they're pingpong balls
I think you could have easily stopped after "Sarah Palin does not know anything…"
To be fair, in her day, she could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch.
Sarah Palin is a cunt.
Sarah Palin obvs needs to get well laid. Good fucking luck.
Sarah Palin punches herself in the head to jumble up her wordy thoughts right before she goes on camera.
Sarah Palin sure knows her way around a bucket of wings.
Worst Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz wig EVAR.
When Mitt tries to look bold, courageous, and passionate all he looks is silly. And he reminds people he's none of those things.
He looks like a raving lunatic. His eyes bug out and something predatory happens around his mouth and he slobbers.
TrojanGift has more personality than Mittens.
I'm loving that video. ugh.
Why do people ask for her opinion?
I think a conversation with a fire hydrant would be more intellectually stimulating.
Possibly, a dining room table?
"I think a conversation with a fire hydrant would be more intellectually stimulating."
Yeah, sure, if you could find one that Bristol or Willow weren't riding like a Levi.
And fire hydrants provide a better public service.
You'll notice that the only people who ask her opinion are Fox News pundits, who know she can be relied upon to blather the party line, albeit incomprehensibly. Bear in mind that the knuckle-draggers who suck this shit up don't actually need to hear coherent sentences, just the requisite buzz-words and phrases, regardless of order or sentence structure – for example, "Kenyan", "Obamacare", "Socialist" "Liberties" "Fascist" etc etc
Speaking of anti-erotic forcefields, what the hell is going on with Palin's hair? I can only imagine it's trying to escape so it can search for a head with a brain inside.
*regards Trojan "wedding shower" ad*
Guilty of gross negligée, also.
Oh dear — does she get her wardrobe from the dumpster behind the halfway house for tranny hookers?
It looks exactly like the wigs girls wear here for cotillion and other such fetes where gals don hoopskirts and petticoats – it's also a massive lady boner killer. I can't speak for the guys but this whole thing is just ruining my afternoon wanna be naked time.
As we used to say as kids, "Liar, liar, hair on fire…"
You had me at "Sarah Palin's…head explodes"
OK, I paraphrased…but I enjoyed the article I made up in my head much more than I did the actual piece in which dimwitted Sarah acted dimwitted.
Do you really think someone would pay for such an object?
Well, knowing Sarah, it was in a GOP swag bag.
Listening to that stupid twat is like climbing a tree to catch a fish.
For some reason this reminds me of a story my friend once made up whilst playing the piano. It was about a young boy who made friends with a lobster. It was quite a lovely story. It ended when the boy realized that it was not fair to the lobster to keep him from his home, so he walked into the forest and threw the lobster into a tree.
I did not realize it at the time, but my friend was talking about a Palin.
Well, I know if either Mittens or the Palin was on fire, I wouldn't waste my piss putting them out.
"who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then!"
MICHAEL JACKSON LIBEL!!!!!!!
There it is!
I know. I thought for sure someone would have said it first.
I could only manage "something something Michael Jackson" above. My brain is a little shot.
Well its vodka o'clock here.
RICHARD PRYOR LIBEL!!!
"Fuck THAT, I'm gonna have another heart attack."
George Carlin.
Phrases Palin refused in favor of "light our hair on fire" to describe exciting the base:
"Smash our toes with a sledgehammer"
"Take a chainsaw to our vaginas"
"Shove his hand down our throats with a sandpaper glove"
"File down our teeth with a Dremel"
"Break our kneecaps with a Louisville Slugger"
And great Lyrics also too.
well, light our hair on fire, then!
Just this once, I want Obama to open drilling in Alaskistan so that we can be sure that there is enough lighter fluid.
Does she make that wig ride on the top of her vehicle (none of that is a euphemism for anything else)?
Patriots still hold out hope for an open convention so they can crown their queen Bee Sarah, mate with her and then go on to lose in a landslide.
God, I would pay to make that happen. Would it be too much to hope for a Palin-Paul ticket at a brokered convention?
Lighting hair on fire? Is Levi cooking meth in the trailer out back again?
You just know this blind item is about her. http://www.nationalenquirer.com/guess-who/which-l…
"THIS prominent lady politico is frantic to keep news of her recent tummy tuck and liposuction procedures out of the media. The conservative mom wants her fans to believe she’s all natural and stays trim by exercising daily! Can you name her?"
I think I speak for all of us when I say, "SHOW US YOUR TITS!"
If it hadn't mention "mom" I would have gone with Ann Coulter, getting a little you know, trouser tuck.
Let's hope she didn't use the hack that cut on Bristol.
Since $arah believes fire has only been around for 3,000 years, it fits Mitt here, because it seems like he's been running for President for 3,000 years.
I'd go further and ask Mitt to incinerate the entire GOP before it's too late.
Romney's "base supporters"? How is that not redundant?
There are a lot of his base supporters — independents — who are saying, well, light our hair on fire, then!
Can't she just use her daughter's baby daddy's mother's meth lab for hair explosions and leave the rest of us alone?
If I were rockin' that Marilyn Quayle 'do Sarah's got, I'd want my head set on fire, too.
WHO'S THE SEXY LIBRARIAN NOW, BITCH!
What about a good ol' fashioned book burning, tossing in that thing on Palin's head(which may be a long-haired muskrat,…and possibly still alive), attached or not?! Yea, just thinking out loud here…
Hmmm, I like the way you brainstorm. After all, if she's not a witch, she won't burn.
Funny. Or a true conservative, if the books providing our flame are from Beck, Coulter, Rand…
She means, "He needs to set this bad wig on fire," right? That is not human hair on her head.
That is not even mammal hair on her head.
"Sarah Palin Demands Head-Exploding Orgasms From Mitt Romney"
Who? And too also – who?
Yes, how scared will the Terrorist be of President Mittens? Abdul,will be shaking in his turban as Mitt rolls up to him on his Mormon 10 speed bike with a leaflet.
3-speed.
Even written transcriptions of Palin's remarks are screechy.
Fox News and Sarah Palin have as much relevance as a stripper in a nudist colony.
I'd say something about Sarah Palin but my brain is too busy with that Trojan vibrator commercial. Love the dude's reaction at the end: "I cannot pleasure my fiance and she is dissatisfied with our lovemaking, so three of her friends gave her battery-operated machines that can do it for me? SWEET!"
Not Dick enough..?…he's enough like Nixon for me……………
Maybe she'll get her wish after the media is through vetting him. Except I think she's against vetting for white men, in favor for blah men, against it for women, except ones named Michelle (two Ls).
“light our hair on fire”. Is this a sex thing? If a shag rug is involved, count me in.
Rug Burn?
Just when I thought I wasn't going to hear from an irrelevent community college dropout, up pops the Alaskan halfwit. Thank ya jesus.
I always think of this when I see Her Ignorance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM_0viDplik
Someone over at Monsanto better get busy engineering winged pigs, STAT
how many more pieces of her mind can $arah give?
Her mind has a half-life, like uranium. Each "half" gets successively smaller and smaller, so on ad infinitum. So yeah, she'll keep going forever and ever, all the while getting dumber and dumber.
That shade of lipstick has to go, plus whoever does her makeup for her onscreen appearances (what are they paying her now, anyway? All the moose she can shoot?) should rethink the overuse of gloss.
Wearing that wig backwards could only improve her "look."
No need to light her hair on fire. You can already smell the wood burning.
What lights my hair on fire is CEO GOV Mitt Romney telling all the NCAAP baby mama negroes at once that they are freeloaders and that it is time to step off the freeloading allahbama bus and get on the Conservative Christian Party of Self-Responsibility
Sarah who?
It's the Palin not named Toad, Track, Trap, Tipsy, or Topsy Turvy.
Don't you wish.
I will totally vote for Willard if he'll light Grifterella's hair on fire!
(Actually I won't, but please, don't anyone tell him until after.)
We can't get the Republican base too excited, or they will forget to take their pills and die, and that would be a real shame. Burning blue hair causes the same reaction. Also.
Yeah, a real shame.
Piper's writing all her lines these days. She has Mommy trained with a double bump of meth to get her up for the backyard studio sessions and a mickey of cheap rum afterwards.
Well, since so many conservative pundits and bloggers already have their pants on fire, if Mitt complies, they can boast that they’re burning the candle at both ends.
Hair on Fire? Why didn't Mitt think of that when he was tackling effeminate men in High School and cutting their hair?
Well we can be pretty sure it's not Victoria Jackson.
Good prank, Josh!
Let's have sex.
Hmmm… "the election of our lifetime.” Sarah won't endorse the presumptive nominee. And yet… how COULD an election possibly be THE most important without the most qualified half-governor ever as candidate???
I smell floor fight!
I bet Baconz is having a hard time fapping to this thread, too. Also.
I mean do they need a lighter or some starter fluid…how can I help?
"There are a lot of his base supporters – independents – who are saying, 'Well, hold us down and cut our hair off with garden shears! We deserve it! Remind us how important it is for us to get traumatized for this presidential election, because it's the election of your lifetime, and you don't want waste a good chance to bully some lackadaisical uncommitted longhairs into voting for you!'"
I loved that movie! Oh wait, I thought that was a still shot of Darth Helmet from Spaceballs.
I still think ashe looks like the youngest sister of the deceased at a Baptist funeral.
Perfect! You nailed it.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
Remember hen lots of wingers thought this broad was a Hotty? Now she looks like the scary substitute you had one week in second grade.
Wait, I thought the FIRST time that, "that awful negro", ran for President (against the Republican war hero) was the election of our lifetime. Is it going to be like this every time someone runs against a rich white guy, who isn't a rich white guy?
Meh. I don't even want to give her a good hate-fucking anymore.
Does she want this for the Republicans, or for all the Country.
Well I guess self-immolation, is one way to get rid of those haters, as her daughter and her
go on about. Why get Mitt to do it. Oh that's right she can be the victim then. Blood Libel.
Good Lord, what's the matter with her hair? If HBO does a sequel to that movie they're going to have to get Ruth Buzzi to play her now instead of Julianne Moore.
Sarah, Sarah Palin! Queen of the Alaskan frontier – skinned a beaver pelt and stuck it on her head.
Light our hair on fire = chafe our un-lubricated lady-bits until they burst into flames.
I just don't get it: I like milque, and I like toast, but for some reason I can't get excited about Mitt!
"Mitt Romney's repeated claim that he played no part in executive decision-making related to Bain after 1999 is false, according to Romney's own testimony in June 2002, in which he admitted to sitting on the board of the Lifelike Co., a doll maker that was a Bain investment during the period."
Lifelike Co. has also repeatedly denied that it made large man-sized dolls with moving parts, though a decades long paper-trail and various patent documents seem to say otherwise. "Even if we did make them, they're still dolls," said their CEO, "you can tell them from human beings. Just examine their genitals."
If Mitt were produced by a doll maker his hair would be more lifelike.
Not to mention his personality. It's like a Genuine People Personality produced by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
Sarah Palin 'thinks'? Since when?
Wasn't she calling Mittbot5000 to liberal about this time last year?
Well, he must be exceedingly lame, because her hair does look pretty darn flammable!
Is she saying she wants someone younger? Sorry, honey, you don't get to pick the nominee single-handedly.
"Former Alaska Govenor"
REHAB IZ 4 QUITTERS
From this morning's Politico email:
"Romney said he remained on the boards of several companies, including the Lifelike Co., in which Bain Capital held a stake until 2001. …"
Sometimes the jokes just write themselves!
Snowbilly Grifter's still treading water in the cesspool. She's a fart bubble that has popped.
Fireplay – this is not how it is done.
Rarely have I clicked "READ MORE" with such trepidation.
Here, Sarah, let me help you with that …
*sprays evil Snow-Witch with white phosphorus*
Maybe Palin is expecting Mitt to get a personality implant? With a side of integrity and character?
An obvious ploy to work a refund from Walmart on that throw rug on her skull. Did it come with matching curtains?
She's beginning to look more and more like the Vice-President of a dildo company.
I'm on the West Coast (heeeyyyy!), so it's only 2:00, and I'm thinking I'm going to leave early and have nap o'clock soon.
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