afflict the comfortable

Politico Writer Points Out Romney’s Caucasophilia, Loses Hunger Games-esque Battle For Dominance

This is a screenshot of a photo of an iPad app, which, just kill us nowSuckers who downloaded the new Huffington app-magazine-thing hoping for page after page of sideboob were bitterly disappointed to instead find some superlong expose about Politico, America’s number one morning-winning beltway-news-producing destroyer of worlds. The thing was written by Michael Calderon, whom ascended Wonkette deity Ken Layne once called “an actual pleasant human being we’ve actually dealt with on the telephone and in person,” so we’re going to believe that every word of it is true, especially the part about how life inside the Politico’s walled compound is essentially a gruesome, bloody battle to the death, just like in the hit children’s movie The Hunger Games. That sort of pressure may explain why a Politico reporter went a little off script and went on TV and said that Mitt Romney hated black people, or loved white people, which is basically the same thing, right?

Joe Williams is Politico’s White House correspondent, and this is the thing he said on one of the MSNBC panel shows where people scream at each other:

Romney is very, very comfortable it seems with people who are like him. That’s one of the reasons why he seems so stiff and awkward in some town hall settings, why he can’t relate to people other than that. But when he comes on Fox and Friends, they’re like him, they’re white folks who are very much relaxed in their own company.

So, uh, yeah, saying that Mitt Romney is more comfortable with people exactly like him, with one of those “like him” qualities being race, is not exactly the same as calling him a Klansman, we don’t think? See, one of the things about being white in America — about being part of a privileged majority generally — is that you can be in a racially homogeneous group and it seems totally natural! You’re the default! You don’t see the race of the people you hang out with! It’s cozy! But believe it or not, America does not entirely consist of white people (or even white people like the kind on Fox and Friends), which means that this comfort level could actually be something of a campaign liability.

And maybe this is something that an African-American reporter like Joe Williams (oh, did we mention he was black? Didn’t think we needed to, people that conservatives yell at for being racists are always black) would notice? But anyway everyone’s really mad about this (“everyone” = people on Breitbart.com) and now Politico has suspended Williams, to give him time to recover from prolonged exposure to Barack Obama’s black mind control rays.

The real question is: how does this fit into today’s insufferable inside-baseball revelations about the gladiatorial hellscape that is the Politico newsroom? Obviously Williams’ statement is part of some larger game to dominate his enemies within the organization, but we can’t figure if it’s a daring attack, like when Katniss tried to blow up the Careers’ food supply, or a desperate ploy, like when Katniss and Peeta threatened to kill themselves and embarrass the Capitol’s gamemakers (YEAH JUST PRETEND YOU DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT NERDS).

Williams also made some dick jokes about the Romney’s on his Twitter, which is upsetting because that’s really more our thing. Also, the following video should put to rest the notion that Mitt Romney is anything less than 100 percent natural and spontaneous around black people:

[New York/Capital New York/Romenesko/More Romenesko/Breitbart]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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  • nounverb911

    Romney's white? I thought he was Messican.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He's a White Messican, which is like a White Russian except you mix with tequila.

      • TribecaMike

        And he comes with his own worm.

      • SayItWithWookies

        It goes great with cheesy grits.

        • NellCote71

          I love you guys.

    • Negropolis

      And, here I was thinking he was an alien. I feel so dumb.

      • Advn2rgirl

        He's an anchor baby.

    • DahBoner

      Only 2 kinds of people live in Utah.

      Mormons and crazy.

      Hence the expression, if you live in Utah and you ain't Mormon, you must be crazy…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Politico, always willing to tell the truth…about the other guy.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more Arriana flavored Kool-Aid.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Romeny saying "Who let the dogs out?" is a lot like Jame Gumb saying "Damn, I'm peeling!"

  • Indiepalin

    Meanwhile, John Nolte's column, at Big Journalism sports a headline that says Politico's web traffic, because of their Obama bent, has plummeted recently, from 4.229 million to 4.165 million unique visitors during a recent period. That's a dip of one and one-half percent. Wow.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Well see, there was an article somewhere (salon, maybe?) recently about Rmoney having a negative buzz — unlike the whackos of yesteryear, where you just had to put the name "Palin" in a headkline and it would get clicks, the opposite effect is happening with Romney.

      So of course, in keeping with the Rovian strategy of using one's opponents strengths as his weakness, the GOP is projecting Romney's weakness onto — of all things — Politico. But this is the same party that gave Orrin Hatch the boot for being a RINO, so make as much sense of that as you will.

      • Indiepalin

        And now that Breitbart story has been altered, removing the actual numbers and linking it to a story in the Daily Caller which puts the dip in traffic at 15%, or ten times what the story said originally. Gee, I just don't know WHO to believe!

      • Extemporanus
    • Guppy

      That's the kind of math they don't teach in Leviticus.

    • NellCote71

      Kind of like Florida aggressively pursuing voter registration based on .00001 percent violations?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Politico — finally exposed as the tool the liberals and gays and negros and such use to keep whitey down.

  • Callyson

    The editor’s memo added that “Politico journalists have a clear and inflexible responsibility to cover politics fairly and free of partisan bias.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks, I needed that…

  • PuckStopsHere

    This is not at all fair. Mitt isn't comfortable around anybody.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Mittens Liable!!! He always seems comfortable when He is on Fox and Hannity is licking his ass.

    • SorosBot

      Now, he's comfortable around his fellow rich plutocrats.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Their bank accounts are just the right height

    • Guppy

      Anybody human, that is.

      • emmelemm

        Also excluding: dogs, and horses.

  • SorosBot

    As always, the big crime is always not pretending America has been racism free since 1964.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      America has never been racist!!! Why, the Founders actually made a special section in the Constitution telling us just how special negros were!

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Tyrannically_Joe

        I mean, proof that America was never racist lies in the fact that the Founders Worked Tirelessly from Day 1 to free the slaves, it was just so very hard to set a public policy that they allegedly all agreed on, so the fact that it took two generations and the bloodiest war in American history to finally wrap that slavery issue up was really the best they could do, even though pretty much every other nation had abolished slavery earlier with far less bloodshed. But that was actually the Founders' plan all along, I guess?

    • Negropolis

      Also, remember, the Civil war wasn't about slavery, it was about states' rights!

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yeah….you did forget the one nod to America being racist once, the ever-present conservative (totally not racist or assholishly condescending) comeback "haven't we done ENOUGH for you people?" As if the '64 Civie Act and '65 Voting Rights Act (which officially ended racism FOREVER) somehow undid 400 years of damage like a flick of the wand. Nowadays with that particular wingnut truism in the minds of all right wingers they can confidently declare black people aren't oppressed (Republicans ended racism by the way, not those racist Democrats who just ya know…shepparded and signed the bill at their own peril) but instead "blahs are lazy" because racism, racial oppression and white privilege ended in '65 you see….I need to go lie down.

  • Callyson

    Oh, and I love how, in the video, the girl in the black and pink jacket is not about to shake Mittens' hand after that "Who let the dogs out?" crap. Good for her…

  • OzoneTom

    Haha, I saw this article then it disappeared from the front page.

    • jfruh

      Your Editrix is picky about things like mispelling "hunger" in headlines.

      • SayItWithWookies

        There was probably a big to-do at Wonkette World Headquarters about whether it was "a Hunger Games-esque Battle" or "an Hunger Games-esque Battle."

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        "Huger" worked so much better tho!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        You know who else was picky about misspelling things?

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Tyrannically_Joe

          Adolph Hilter?

        • LetUsBray

          Dan Quayle?

        • Negropolis

          Catholic school marms?

      • Guppy

        She won't be publishing anything by Pamela Geller any time soon, then?

        • NellCote71

          Bravo/a.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    Mitt had the Blah vote in the bag, but this changes everything.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Romney is more awkward than I was going through puberty.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Like many church leaders, Rmoney is still going through puberty — just not his own.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      But in Romney's puberty, he enjoyed nothing more than pinning down saucily-coiffed homosexuals.

      • mormos

        that's funny, because I enjoyed being pinned by saucily-coiffed homosexuals. Clearly we have a lot in common.

        • NellCote71

          Then get a room, you two.

  • not that Radio

    It's been posted on these pages before, but it bears repeating.

    Straight White Male: the Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is

  • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

    Seems like a perfectly reasonable statement, considering that Mr. & Mrs. Mittens said they only want to hang out w/ their painfully white children & grandchildren.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Are they going to update the .mp3 file on Romney to something within the last decade?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I am only nice to white folks if they have something I want.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    That’s one of the reasons why he seems so stiff and awkward in some town hall settings, why he can’t relate to people

    This is because, for Willard Romney, the world is divided into two kinds of people: Willard Romney and The Help.

  • dogscantlookup

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2qasexk_Bs

    Everyone who talked to Mitt said afterwards

  • gullywompr

    "Dick jokes about the Romney"

    Dang Josh, redundant much?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I don't know what he's talking about. Romney's perfectly comfortable with the people who take care of his lawn, wash his car, drive him around, wipe up his drool when he tries to think what a donut is….

  • BarackMyWorld

    I wonder how he'll be during the debates, when there's a negro on stage with him….

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      He'll check to make sure his wallet is in his jacket. Several times.

    • Cicada

      Herman Cain is crying right now. He was the Great Black Hope, dammit. Now everyone has forgotten he even existed.

    • mavenmaven

      Stiff.

      • RavenRant

        Until you unzip him. Princess Ann has assured us, he's never stiff when you unzip him.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Romney: "That Barack is surprisingly clean and articulate you know, for a president. "

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Two thoughts on how that will all go down: A) Romney will have horse blinders on making it impossible for him to look directly at Barry and
      B) It will be sort of like invasion of the body snatchers only instead of yelling "ahhhhhhh!" in that high pitch alien voice Mittens will yell "bllllaaaahhhhH!" while pointing his bony finger at Obama, this will occur the moment Barry slams him and his comeback protocols can't respond quickly enough. Interestingly, this is the way Santorum, Gingrich, Paul and Rove all handle close encounters of the blah kind…I think they may all come from the same cruel planet…need Alex Jones to get on this one.

  • Schmannnity

    In the video, why didn't Romney fake getting pinched on the ass by the black woman?

  • jacimi

    At least he didn't bring up Romney's aversion to vaginas.

  • RavenRant

    With all the dog whistles and incendiary crap on the Politico, this gets Joe Williams a suspension? White people's imperviousness to shame floors me. And, yes, I'm of the pasty persuasion.

    *sigh*

    • bobbert

      It's Politico Jake Raven.

      • RavenRant

        Thanks. Lowering my expectations accordingly.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate
    • TribecaMike

      Reading #133 brought on a fit of the chuckles. Thanks.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Tyrannically_Joe

      Most of those are great, but #11 definitely veers into asshole rant territory.

      I think I first met my now-girlfriend when she posted online an incensed tirade against that item. Not that I can blame her, I'd be pretty angry too, if someone described me as "atheistically [sic] pleasing, but very annoying".

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

        It's not really stuff white people like, it's stuff that hipper-than-thou white people like to accuse those they consider bourgeois and faux-hipster of liking.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Tyrannically_Joe

          Which is why, ironically, stuffwhitepeoplelike.com probably deserves an entry for itself on that list.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

            haha

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I hate over half of the things on the the list. Guess I'm not as white as I thought.

      • DahBoner

        I'm part White, but I can't prove it (no papers)…

  • mavenmaven

    Wasn't it Ann Romney who said Mitt should "let his dogs out"?

  • poorgradstudent

    I assume Romney's less awkward around the non-rich when he's hunting poors on his island compound.

  • Extemporanus

    I caught the entire segment in which Joe "Mama!" Williams went all gangsta (i.e. explained reality in calm, measured, banal terms), and immediately thought to myself, "OH SNAP!! Dude's gonna get an earful back at the POLITI-cave!"

    The fact that his particular comment jumped out at me in a four person conversation where each of the other conversants also used words such as "white", "black", "people", and "the" can only mean one thing: I am a horribly horrible racist who is entirely too familiar with the intra-office goings-on of a morning wood-sporting online political troll factory, and thus deserve to only have one friend in the whole wide world, with that friend being a cat.

    (It is a black cat, yo! Does that count?)

  • Doktor Zoom

    Mitt Romney has always played the game on the lowest difficulty setting.

    (See also the Followup and the followup to the followup)

    Actually, never mind. Mitt Romney has always PAID someone to play the game for him on the lowest difficulty setting.

    • RavenRant

      White person + penis + inherited wealth + inherited political connections + prestigious ivy league education on the family's dime = It's hard out there for a twit.

      (BTW, loved the Scalzi piece and his followups. He does a good job of explaining the obvious to the oblivious.)

    • not that Radio

      Jinx! You owe me a framed Breitbart print.

  • MissTaken

    Romney would not be comfortable in a tree with Rue.

  • Lucidamente1

    Speaking of the one and only Mr. Layne, let's link back to his immortal smackdown of Politico:

    http://wonkette.com/414964/explosive-article-abou

    Best quote:

    Even lazy-ass Jim Newell, who writes comedy for Wonkette, posted his version of the Gregory Craig/Goldman story [something Politico was flogging as a "scoop"] a whole 10 hours before the magic Playbook email went out to a loathsome group of Beltway people who so hate their spouses that they need to scan Mike Allen’s Best of the Web links before saying “Good morning” or “Let’s get a divorce.”

  • MosesInvests

    Who indeed allowed the canines egress?

    • Extemporanus

      Whom? Whom, whom, whom?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Who indeed scheduled my photo-op with these canine negresses?
      –Translated.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    …America does not entirely consist of white people….

    THE REELZ AMERIIKKAKK DUZ!!!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

      Syrup of Amerikak is a remarkably effective emetic.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This must be why I'm soooo uncomfortable around douchebags.

  • Wadisay

    When Romney hugs the Black girl with his left hand, he vigorously pats his thigh with his right hand. That's the same thing I do when I am getting a vaccination.

    • bobbert

      Is that like Bush wiping himself off on Clinton's shirt?

  • Wadisay

    Q. Just out of curiosity, if you are a journalist who believes that a candidate is really, really twitchy around anyone but rich, old white men, how do you say that in a way acceptable to Politico's editorial geniuses?

    A. Begin the sentence with, "Though not as comfortable as Obama seems around rouge preachers and Marxist pseudo-intellectuals,…"

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Look at what happened to Juan Williams. Clearly, the lesson is that black journalists should not discuss anything having to do with anyone being "comfortable" or "nervous."

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    What the fuck did he say on his twitter? Did anybody save that?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    So let me get this straight, Arianna is skimming the curd off the top of Huffpo with an iPad, and wants to charge people for it? Perhaps she should be charged with aggravated aggregation.

    • bobbert

      Perhaps she should be ignored?

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Tyrannically_Joe

    To be fair, it was also pretty clear from the way he said "people who are like him" that he didn't mean that Mittens is a racist, per se. Mittens is also insanely awkward and uncomfortable when he's around literally anybody who works for a living.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Or any carbon-based life forms.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid

    Good God, what if he had gone on "Morning Joe" and calmly explained the beliefs and responsibilities of a bishop in the Mormon Church? They would have tied him to a tree and given him a choice of keeping his dick or his writin' hand.

  • mormos

    "But believe it or not, America does not entirely consist of white people"

    REAL 'murka consists entirely of white people. I want my country back!

  • LetUsBray

    But it's still okay to say the negro president hates white people, right?

  • Come here a minute

    So unfair to play that video as if Mitt is unaware of current trends in Urban music. That was from long ago, the 2008 campaign. The song was only eight years old!

  • TribecaMike

    I read this twice and I have absolutely no idea what the fuck it's about.

    Anyway, does this bar stool make me look too short?

  • Negropolis

    You see, Blahs are the real racists.

    • TribecaMike

      I'll attempt to do you one better, my friend. The real real racists are presently residing on 145 Smoot Drive, Pleasantville, Any State USA, and they're all cops who take the condition of their deck umbrellas much more seriously than they do the civil rights of those they're sworn to protect and serve.

  • Willardbot9000_V2.5

    This is that same cute game of "racist coy" Republicans always like to play; we saw this with the teabaggers. Even though Stormfront and other bigoted sites called the teabaggers fertile ground to recruit to their disgusting ideology all claims of racist, drunken white people were completely fabricated. Oh, and someone needs to go remind the Breitfarters that Breitfart is still dead….they need this daily, every single hour until that fucking site finally changes its name.

  • ttommyunger

    This would be more credible if Politico wasn't Cheney's personal mouthpiece, which it is.

  • MissNancyPriss

    Robots don't see color.