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How am I supposed to be a good person with that nickname?Good Monday! In the news today, Republican battles to not be involved in Mitt Romney’s campaign at all intensify, “Tricky Dick” had a mortifying nickname for a reason, and the Supreme Court wants you to stop telling them how fat they look in their robes.
  • All of Mitt’s potential running mates are just too cool for him. Come on, you guys, he looks like the type of guy that gets random heart attacks! Surely one of you could take over. [The Atlantic]
  • Give your day an ironic start by reading about the death of the newspaper on a blog. This article explains how the decline of the local paper helped make the GOP more polarizing. [Salon]
  • In an intense, deliberate article, Woodward and Bernstein go over the fact that Nixon was even worse than that Kirsten Dunst movie they made about him. [Washington Post]
  • The Supreme Court’s feelings are being hurt by the media! Oh, go run crying to Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. They’ll teach you how stop worrying and learn to love gay people already. [Slate]

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73 comments

  1. actor212

    SLUGGO!

    How was your weekend, dear?

    How on earth could Richard Nixon *possibly* be worse than we remember him? There's no number higher than "infinity"!

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      No way, Dead Reagan doesn't want to fuck up his chances by being associated with Romney.

    1. OkieDokieDog

      Ugh. My local paper runs that Mallard Fillmore or whatever. It makes me want to kill ducks.

      1. Rotundo_

        If there is a worse example of a comic I haven't come across it. Mallard is a gigantic turd in the punchbowl of the funny pages. Mary Worth was funnier.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      My local newspaper is thriving, and even expanding it readership a little every year, egregious typos and all.

      It's always full of stories about farmers markets, and people building hike/bike trails, and doing "stream and watershed health" maintenance and the local arts scene and all that obnoxious hippie shit.

      Though their printed circulation keeps creeping up year after year, their website is pretty horrible, so I guess they're doomed.

  2. SexySmurf

    the fact that Nixon was even worse than that Kirsten Dunst movie

    Hey! I like Dick.

    That came out wrong.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Double agreed. First time I ever saw the guy, the moment he first appeared onscreen in Blood Simple, first thought on my mind was "Oh man, we're gonna see this guy in movie about Nixon someday."

    1. Biff

      Damn, I thought the headlines were about Justin Bieber. I gotta bring my glasses to the store, that's all there is to it.

  3. Allmighty_Manos

    Tricky Dick will still rate higher on the presidential achievements list than Bush.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      Hey, Checkers, back that up here and I'll show you crooked. Ain't lyin', either.

      #Fala

  4. Generation[redacted]

    Maybe the Dixie Chicks can offer some advice to the Court?

    What they need is a cadre of anonymous plutocrats flooding the airwaves accusing all their critics of being terrorists. That should help a bit.

  5. hagajim

    Breaking! Romney announces himself as running mate, because nobody else wants anything to do with him.

    1. Estproph

      He's flip-flopped enough on every question he was ever asked that he could actually be his own running mate.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    HST said it best:

    As long as Nixon was politically alive — and he was, all the way to the end — we could always be sure of finding the enemy on the Low Road. There was no need to look anywhere else for the evil bastard.

    He has poisoned our water forever. Nixon will be remembered as a classic case of a smart man shitting in his own nest. But he also shit in our nests, and that was the crime that history will burn on his memory like a brand. By disgracing and degrading the Presidency of the United States, by fleeing the White House like a diseased cur, Richard Nixon broke the heart of the American Dream.

    1. UnholyMoses

      I'm too young to remember Nixon, but I can note that, in my lifetime, the Presidency has been a target for the opposing party and the media. The office doesn't demand the same respect is once did from anyone (see the way Clinton and Obama have been treated) and only the clinically insane or monstrously egotistical would want to inhabit it at this point. It's just too absurd a process to get there.

      Because of that, those who do run/are running are NOT the best for the job. They just aren't — at least not in a nation of 300+ million.

      1. Oblios_Cap

        A lot of the crap that has happened in this country politically (see: impeachment, Clinton) is the result of the GOP trying to revise the history of Nixon's resignation. They desperately want to manufacture something to drive a Democrat to resign the Presidency so that they can pull out their time-tested "but they do it, too" defense.

    2. Rotundo_

      Dubya and Cheney out Nixon-ed Nixon. Apprentices who utterly surpassed the master. Nixon inherited Vietnam, Dubya and the puppetmaster created a couple of new ones from scratch just so we could line some pockets.

  7. proudgrampa

    What's this I hear about Kirsten Dunst's Dick? That is shocking! She is such a pretty lady, I can't believe that she has — What? Oh. Never mind.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Nobody wants to be Mitt's running mate — gee, could there be some sort of systemic flaw in the Republican party that's been there since at least John McCain's nomination when he had to pick absurdist fraud Sarah Palin because a) nobody wanted to go down with the ship except b) Joe Lieberman, who would've caused an outright insurrection within the GOP had he been picked?

    I'd say it's time for the Republicans to engage in a little self-questioning of their goals, except the thought of them questioning their beliefs is too hilarious to contemplate.

  9. WhatTheHeck

    In that pic of Nixon above he looks like he should have been in “Grumpy old men” instead of whatshisname.

  10. mavenmaven

    Remember, there was only one actual Republican president in American history, Ronald Reagan. Mentioning any of the others is a Democrat provocation.

    1. Rotundo_

      Yep. One has to find a pretty dim bulb to avoid outshining the Mittster and that practiced Minnesotan blandness is a great matchup personality (or lack thereof) for Mittens. Short of putting a suit on a mannequin, T-Paw is one choice guaranteed not to rock the boat in the least for Mittens.

  11. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    If Romney picks Sarah Palin again, will this be to satisfy all his campaign contributions from Pfizer? I am sure the wingnuts will start spankin' it again if she gets the nod… thus all the Viagra.

  12. owhatever

    SCOTUS and dead penguins and Kirsten Dunst's Dick and Tricky Dick Nixon all in one section. Coincidence: I think not.

  13. Callyson

    several major campaign donors have begun to complain that President Obama is targeting and harassing Mitt Romney’s donors and raising the specter of an “Enemies List,” presidential “terrorism,” and reprisals that have come about as a result of news stories about them

    Making Obama this century's answer to Tricky Dick…yeah, if you say so…

    The right is now trying to elide the distinction between holding people and organizations accountable for the actions they take and the concept of harassment and intimidation

    Accountability is harassment. George Orwell would approve.

    Christ, I'm only on the first article and I already fear for our future…

  14. Mumbletypeg

    the Supreme Court wants you to stop telling them how fat they look in their robes.

    There is a gay dead penguin joke to be found in here somewheres but I can't quite peck it out.

  15. Estproph

    Oh! Now I get it! The newspapers all crashing and burning is what made the repubs so polarized! That makes sense. It couldn't possibly because of all the NaZis and KKK they have been recruiting.

  16. Chet Kincaid

    "It’s true that home delivery of newspapers (an increasingly expensive luxury) is basically now something only old people who’ve always gotten the paper still do."

    This cuts me to the quick! Ouch!!

    1. Jimmyone

      There goes my paper delivery bidness…..Now, I wonder who to call to fire all of my (one) employees?

  17. mrpuma2u

    Ugh. I haven't got a paper in decades but I still get those damn flyers every Wed. It would be actually fun to put them in the parkeet cage if they had Tricky Dick or Ronnie Raygun's face on them.

  18. Ducksworthy

    My guess is that the High Council of Kolob will insist on his selecting Kang as his running mate. Of course, they'll have to video edit out the drooling.

  19. DocChaos

    For Mitt, an advantage of picking Christie as his running mate is that he will make Romney look like less of a dick, simultaneously drawing liberal ire away from the top of the ticket, while giving the teatards someone to swoon over, without bringing up the issue of incompetence that caused the Palin pick to backfire.

    It wouldn't put New Jersey in play any more than having Romney at the top of the ticket puts Massachusetts in play, but while everyone is busy making fat jokes, they won't be constantly reminding the voters that Mitt is a soulless robot. The subtle brilliance of the Cheney pick for George W, was that it made Bush look less evil than he otherwise would have.

    1. Rotundo_

      I think it's T-Paw. Bland, boring and someone who doesn't look more competent that Mittens. Christie would be a trainwreck, not of Palinesque proportion, but with that mouth opening daily to the media it would be hard not to imagine him shooting an already fragile candidate in the foot repeatedly.

    1. James Michael Curley

      That's interesting, I loose ten pounds after reading about Christie. Then I need a hit of Kaopectate.

  20. Beowoof

    My favorite 1972 campaign slogan; "Dick Nixon, before he Dick's you". Ah the memory brings a tear to my eye.

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