NEW BENEDICT ARNOLDS  12:30 pm June 9, 2012

James O’Keefe’s Traitorous Former Collaborators Betray Each Other, Like A Bunch Of Traitors

by Matthew Phelan and Liz Farkas

Some dudeIt’s an all-out Mutant War! Nadia Naffe — the conservative activist who accused America’s last serious journalist, James
O’Keefe, of unlawful imprisonment and intimated he drugged and tried to rape her in his parents’ barn — has joined forces with convicted bomber and librul Brett Kimberlin to publish a massive stockpile of O’Keefe’s emails.

While JOK hasn’t been remotely fazed by the first salvo in their merged vendetta, already there has been major collateral damage. The first wave of published emails partially exposed the identity of James O’Keefe’s turncoat NPR sting collaborator, who had been operating under the pseudonym Simon Templar, but whom everyone will now know by
his real name, Kenneth C. Larrey. Laaaaaahhhh-rrey.

Your trustworthy Wonkettes can guarantee this is true, because we figured it out and brought it up with Ken Larrey months ago, over the phone. Don’t hate us for keeping it secret! Selfish jerk Ken Vogel at Politico has been hiding this scoop from you for even longer! So has hack pundit emeritus Howard Kurtz! Hate those guys!

This whole sordid episode feels like one of those big crossover comic book events where (say) evil Red Hulk and Catwoman team up to go after Zangief from Street Fighter — by which we mean it feels incredibly convoluted, plus silly, and of interest only to total nerd-weenises. But isn’t that what you are? Political Schadenfreude Nerd-Weenises, who have already clicked the “Read More” about this? Let’s get started, then.

Brett Kimberlin, you may recall, is a former drug dealer and accomplished musician, whose 1978 bombing spree in Speedway, Illinois Indiana wasn’t even political, just fucking weird. He has since transformed himself into an influential progressive activist and lawyer, becoming this election cycle’s Bill Ayers thanks to unproven allegations that he prank called 911 to initiate SWAT team raids on the homes of two conservative bloggers. (Today’s with-it Reagan Youths call this practice SWATting. It’s short for “Special Weapons and Tactics”-ing.)

Prior to her falling out with O’Keefe, Nadia Naffe had played a role in several of his aborted undercover-video nasties. She’s spoken candidly about her involvement in schemes to shame Congresswoman Maxine Waters and, over a year later, NYU journalism professor Charles Seife and the Occupy movement. Your Wonkettes have personally dug up emails implicating Naffe in still more of JOK’s lost stings, including an attempt to target Boston-area ACORN employees during the 2010 Brown v. Coakley Senate race. The plan involved Nadia and other minority actors soliciting advice on “who to vote for” from ACORN employees, and you may not believe this, but James O’Keefe intended to secretly record it all.

So now, Naffe has provided all of her Project Veritas-related emails to the Velvet Revolution: an electronic voting reform supergroup, co-founded by Slash from Guns’n’Roses and Stone Temple Pilot frontman Scott Weiland Brett Kimberlin and Brad Blog Blogger Brad Friedman. In collaboration with the group Occupy for Accountibility (OFA), the Velvet Revolution (Why are you still laughing at their name?) say they will be “breaking stories, here and in other publications, based on these documents as they relate to matters in the public interest.”

If their first story is any indication, though, they either don’t have much or are planning an epically slow roll. The groups have started by publishing documents of a plot, instigated by Ken Larrey, to covertly infiltrate Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity United Church for the purpose of goading him and others into saying nice things about Marxist revolution. As with the NPR videos, the plan was to offer donations in exchange for something, this time the church’s role in a Glorious People’s Revolt, thus exposing Trinity United’s viciously literal reading of Christianity and the leftist core of its famous former congregant: one Barry Hussein “Red Diaper Baby” Obama, President of America.

So, as a sting plan, we can politely say that it is very creative. The prop list of costume jewelry for the Canadian Marxist Banker characters Ken Larrey and his NPR video partner Shaughn Adeleye were planning to wear is especially wonderful. “Flashy gold watches.” A single “magnetic gold earring (Bill Ayers Style).” As the subject of an expose, we are sorry to report that this two-year-old, abandoned, hidden camera prank relates only tangentially to the public interest.

It feels like a genuine shame that this mediocre scoop is going to cause such a deep rift in the tiny coalition of conscientious defectors from James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas. Naffe had hoped to leak this material anonymously — OFA redacted her name from the emails and described her solely as “a whistleblower”—however, they kept in so much context about the Maxine Waters sting as to make her role in the leak fairly obvious.

Even if they’d done a better job, a warily proud Ken Larrey contacted us almost immediately after reading their post to explain Nadia’s role. When we asked if he was concerned about the exposure, Larrey typed, “not especially yet, I was actually quite fond of that plan lol.”

Though now that he’s being mercilessly mocked on Twitter as we speak, by the small clique of Occupiers who have resorted to bullying as means of confirming his secret identity, Larrey says he “Probably should be.” In a gchat conversation with us yesterday, Larrey (maybe jokingly?) expressed his fear that he, or his parents, may become victims of a genuine SWATting! “Technically that’s probably the worst that could happen, [but] I wouldn’t expect them to do it to me. I’m not blogging about Kimberlin.”

Pity poor Ken Larrey, an electrical engineer from Houston, who really just wants to be left alone to occasionally write for BigGovernment.com, retweet photos of Dana Loesch’s new pink heels, and maybe, one day, mastermind a big undercover sting all his own. We could blame Naffe, or OFA, but we know who’s really to blame: Stupid gloryhogging James O’Keefe for generally being bad with women and taking credit for Ken Larrey’s hard work!

Ken Larrey built that MEAC website all by himself! It was Ken Larrey who grew a beard and dyed his hair to pose as a scary Muslim for the NPR videos — just like Simon Templar, the superspy Roger Moore played on TV’s The Saint! As he told us back in February, Ken Larrey even dropped out of a college course that conflicted with the (expensive, self-funded) trips he made up to D.C. to meet with NPR executives Ron Schiller and Betsey Liley!

Ken Larrey did all this AND he came out publicly and let us all know that he and Adeleye wanted to do a larger, less partisan version of this Muslim Brotherhood sting, only to have James O’Keefe hijack it as a rightwing crusade against NPR!!!

Socialist Twitter Bullies, leave Ken Larrey alone!1!!!

 
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{ 286 comments }

nounverb911 June 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Do you guys are paid by the word, like Dickens was?

OzoneTom June 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm

There were two of them writing so it makes sense that it is twice as long as the usual article.

Isyaignert June 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Lawyers used to get paid by the word – that's where the saying "Fifty cent word" came from heretoforthwith.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Only Uriah Heep O' Shite knows for sure.

NYNYNYjr June 9, 2012 at 8:43 pm

This shits so complicated it took two people to write it, like a Washington Post story or something. Reads more like Finnegan's Wake tho… Also can we call Okeefe The JOKe or the JOKer?

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:01 pm

As long as they're not paid by are 'grammar'.

Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2012 at 3:41 am

It's all in the details, see, and this story is nothing but details. It's a tiny, tiny world these operatives live in, and we Wonkazis sometimes spend way too much time gazing into the microscope.

Ergo, these column inches.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

This should quell O'Keefe's yen for toilet wine and prison commissary Little Debbie snacky cakes. Enjoy prison, sucker!

Excellent reporting, thanks!

badgitator June 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I think O'Keffe's prison experiences will eerily resemble those of Gob.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

He'll be smacked?

nomadicview June 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

so his bitch name's "Little Debby"?

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 12:56 am

"Ding Dong."

weejee June 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm

No butts about it.

not that Radio June 9, 2012 at 8:14 pm

"There's a hard cot here with his name on it"

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 12:57 am

And a harder something else.

ManchuCandidate June 9, 2012 at 12:39 pm

No honor among young conservitard rat fuckers.

Beetagger June 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That's some mighty thick prose you got there.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

"It's twoo! It's twoo!"

DaSandman June 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Young O'Keefe is gunning to become Ghost Young O'Keefe.

nounverb911 June 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Breitbart's saving a seat for him.

badgitator June 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

On his lap.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

On SATAN's lap.

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 1:03 am

Oh you nasty.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"Breitbart's saving a seat for him."

Yeah, HIS.
(_|_)

redarmyzombie June 10, 2012 at 2:25 am

I find this difficult to masturbate to.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Breitbart will find it even harder more difficult.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

May his hopes be fulfilled!

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Which fantasy artwork do you think conservative hack and Thomas Kinkade wannabee David Bugnon would rip off to memorialize Little Jimmy O'Keefe? I'm thinking he'd avoid ripping off Ubisoft and go for something more classic, like shopping O'Keefe's head on to this poster.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

The one with boobs or the one with bug-eyes?

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm

It would work either way, that's the beauty of it.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I'll be damned. You're right.

badgitator June 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Still a better love story than Twilight. Probably due to O'Keffe's swagga.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Are you kidding? My colonoscopy was a better love story than Twilight.

badgitator June 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Your colonoscopy did have more depth to it.

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

But it was shitty in places, I bet.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Which was WAY better than Twilight, which was shitty throughout.

Trust me, before they do a colonoscopy on you they make you CLEAN those tubes OUT. If you've ever had a Fleet's enema, you'll know what I mean.

They even note it on your chart. How embarrassing is that? You get to see pitchers of your pink, clean little colon.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I hope that the sequels to your colonoscopy are fewer and farther between than sequels to Twilight.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

There will be sequels?

I'm gonna go for suicide by cop. That's *bound* to be less painful.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I hope that you didn't show up at the wrong time and ended up having to get of those new 3-D colonoscopies that costs 50 percent more than the regular 2-D version that started 30 minute earlier.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 10:54 am

How did I miss a 30+ comment thread about colonoscopies? I'm 43, and I've had two. I got to keep copies of the laproscope photos of my colon polyps, which I've considered using as an avatar pic.

We need to have some kind of comment-indexing, for example:

For a discussion of colonoscopies, please go to badgitator's comment about Twilight.

For a discussion of fashion happy mutants mask Sex Steampunk Ukraine, please see Blueb4sunrise's comment about C_R_Eature.

etc.

That would make navigation so much more ergonomic.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:22 pm

You're awfully young to have had multiple colonoscopies, sweetie.

I hope to goodness you will now proceed to tell us it was a fluke and everything is just fine and dandy with your colon. My mother had colon cancer. It's one of the indolent cancers. Slow-growing and possible to survive.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I used to consume great quantities of some substance that had a rather antagonistic effect on my colon. I had several diverticulitis attacks over a 3-year period. Mysteriously, I haven't had this problem in the last year or so. Family history, too — mother, sister, uncle, grandfather.

But I think I've got that colon licked!

OkieDokieDog June 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

All I can think of regarding O'Keefe is Dildo boat.

Dildo, exciting and new
Come aboard, we're expecting you
Dildo, life's sweetest reward
Let it flow, it floats back to you

Dildo Boat soon will be making another run
The Dildo Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for the gutter
Your mind on a new scandal

And dildo won't hurt anymore
It's a smirky smile on a hostile shore
It's dildo
Welcome aboard
It's dildo!

Apologies to Paul Williams & The Love Boat

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I think Paul Williams and The Love Boat owe us apologies, for existing.

tessiee June 10, 2012 at 12:17 am

"Still a better love story than Twilight."

Setting the bar low, are we? I could eat alphabet soup and fart a better love story than Twilight.

Callyson June 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Jesus, we need one of Glenn Beck's psycho blackboard graphics to keep up with the shenanigans of these freaks…

OkieDokieDog June 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm

My local PBS station aired the 2010 Documentary – The Reconstruction of Asa Carter this week. I swear I saw James O'Keefe interviewing Asa Carter. Please investigate this. James may very well be a real life Dorian Gray.

BarackMyWorld June 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Cobra Commander had less ridiculous evil schemes than this.

Doktor Zoom June 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm

At least his recruits got to jump out of helicopters while yelling "COBRA!"

not that Radio June 9, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Okay. That made me dig up that "The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord" list that you posted, because I needed to read them all again, right now. Took awhile, but I found it.

MosesInvests June 10, 2012 at 1:35 am

Thanks for that-loved it!

sewollef June 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Crikey, could you guys make this a synopsis instead of a novel…. I've got Euro 2012 to watch this weekend!

weejee June 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Have you had a chance to grab a look at Roddy Doyle's "A Star Named Henry" yet?

sewollef June 10, 2012 at 7:41 am

I actually put the book on my Amazon 'wish list' for my birfday… which is in September.

I'm pretty certain to get it, since I also put a new 27 inch iMac [avec all the bells and whistles] and of course the usual Audi S4.

It's a cunning plan.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:52 pm

It certainly is.

JustPixelz June 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Be sure to edit out all the exculpatory emails, if there are any.

GhostBuggy June 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

"But isn’t that what you are? Political Schadenfreude Nerd-Weenises, who have already clicked the 'Read More' about this?"

Thank you, Editrix, may I have another?

Estproph June 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Simon Templar? Seriously? What, was James Bond taken?

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 3:40 pm

As was "Elvis Jagger".

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 9:30 pm

So was Reagan McAwesome.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:08 pm

The Belmonts were full.

nomadicview June 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Wake me up when one of the eats somebody's face.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Why? That's not even *news,* anymore.

chascates June 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Every time O'Keefe is exposed as a liar Breitbart gets pitchforked by a devil.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Or, better yet, anally reamed by Satan's enormous, barbed schlong. AIEEEEEEE!!!

Guppy June 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

He probably likes it, though.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Guppy, man, you TOTALLY harshed my mellow. (sniff!)

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:10 pm

So he burnt the Crème brûlée?

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Not mallow, dude.

glamourdammerung June 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Every time O'Keefe is exposed as a liar Breitbart gets pitchforked by a devil.

Is that a euphemism for some form of sodomy?

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 12:45 am

Stick hot sauce on a dildo and find out.

redarmybarbie June 10, 2012 at 3:44 am

Thus giving new life to the term, "Warming Lube".

NYNYNYjr June 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I think everytime J-OK is exposed the devil gives Breitbart a werther's original. But we all interpret the Bible differently.

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I'm sure Jeremiah Wright's church would've welcomed, in a trusting and open-armed way, a couple of twitchy, shifty-eyed, pasty white conservatives who definitely didn't look like they were using hidden cameras as they tried to coax something crazy out of Mr. Wright.

O'Keefe and his minions are actually lucky this plan never came to fruition, or the next thing we'd've heard about them was their being found in a dumpster, duct-taped together and being gnawed on by rats.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You really know how to throw cold water ALL OVER a person, Wooks.

I was just hoping that the next time we heard about JOK, he'd be found in a dumpster, duct-taped to one of his myrmidons, and being gnawed on by rats. (sniff! Wipes a manly tear)

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 12:47 am

Honey chile, please. When have you had a manly anythang?

*pats weave*

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Don't make me test the strength of that weave, sweetpea. You'll be all, "But I just got mah hair DID!"

nomadicview June 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I am sure they would have avoided detection with some Al Jolson blackface and a pimp jacket.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Come on, gnawed on by rats? Even rats have a certain amount of taste.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Wolverines? I could go for wolverines.

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 12:48 am

Tapeworms.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Uh … eugh. That could take a LONG time.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:12 pm

How else do they find the salty ones?

Doktor Zoom June 9, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Note to novice political dirty tricksters: The term "Ratfucking" is purely metaphorical. Please do not actually…oh, for christ's sake, O'Keefe, get your dick out of that rat!

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Or at least take it out on a couple of dates first.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Jesus Jimmy, take that fucked up shit out of here and do it on your goddamned rape boat for Christ's sake.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:14 pm

And don't forget the salt! Make sure it's Kosher!

cheetojeebus June 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

They like it when you pull their tail when you're given it to em rat style.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:37 pm

If anybody would, he would.

barto June 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

On Noes! Why would people with so much Luv to share wind up backstabbing and being nasty 'n stuff? Jeebus cries…

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Jesus WEPT, man. Totally fucking WEPT.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

He walked on tears!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Specific gravity of salt water, man.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm

If anyone were to rock the dead sea…

Tommmcattt June 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm

HEY! Nerd-wennises need love too, mean Matt and Liz! Now if you will excuse me I will be over here in my Spider-Man Jammies, reading Swamp Thing and drinking coffee out of my Sin City mug…

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I'm tellin' ya. What do they think, if we HAD lives we'd read their stuff?

Be grateful, Wonketz, that we are NERD-WEENISES! Without a life, even.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I just want to gloat over how aptly Nedra or Nadia or whatever is surnamed: NAFF? NAFF?

e_z June 10, 2012 at 5:27 am

Pip Pip!

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Toodle-oo!

Chet Kincaid June 9, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Wait, what?

Jeremiah Wright retired in early 2008 also, young conservative dickheads.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

You expect these shit-fer-brainzes to let go of one of their favourite bugbears? Shit, they're still raving about Saul Alinsky, and (1) he's been dead for DECADES, and (2) hardly any lefties have even *heard* of the guy.

glamourdammerung June 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I never heard of Alinsky prior to the Retard-Americans shrieking about how I was following his marching orders. This made even less sense when I finally looked up who he was and realized he had been dead for a while. But then again, socialist ghosts would actually be more plausible than most of the other stupidity Republicans believe.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Me either, and, you know, most of us here are avid readers and know lots of stuff, like books and history and all those things. I had never ever heard of the guy, and neither had most of my "red-diaper-baby" friends.

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I found out about him when I was 19 through an older activist friend of mine but I haven't actually read any thing by him till this day.

When the RW gets around to accusing Obama of being a believer in Peter Kropotkin's ideas, I'll truly be impressed.

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 12:52 am

I'd heard of him before, but in the same context that someone would talk about Robert and his Rules of Order: years and years ago he wrote a book on political organizing and it's still used as the manual for any movement worth its salt even today. About as milquetoast a description as you can find.

It wasn't until I realized that he'd committed the grievous sin of helping black people to vote that I understand why he's the new Republican stick-up-the-ass.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

They prolly figured Boner and McConnell would have destroyed Social Security by now and JW would have had to take his job back.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

This, and the thread you spawned in this, makes me think of what liberalism must do to compete with Dead Reagan: We need to scour history and find the most affable dead liberal to invoke and hero-worship.

Chet Kincaid June 11, 2012 at 9:31 am

Been there, done that: Roosevelt.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Pfft, it's 1:57 PM in Providence, RI. What Wonketeers really want to know, is Jim Newell drunk all by himself yet?

Tommmcattt June 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

He's tied up in the basement at my place.

The course of true love did never run smooth…

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:39 pm

On the *bright* side, at least he's not by himself …

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 1:48 am

There's a wicked Barney Frank joke (or Boy George or Roman Polanski) in there, but damn if I'm going to go to such a dark place to retrieve one.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

As Aristotle pointed out long ago, it takes more than one jerk to form a circle jerk.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm

That's why geometry is a liberal art.

glamourdammerung June 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Who would have guessed that there was no honor among scumbags?

Besides anyone with a functional brain.

owhatever June 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Needs more cow bells for a real barn fuck.

Beowoof June 9, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I am pretty sure the last ass O'Keefe got was in the barn and the donkey didn't like it.

Ryy June 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"But isn’t that what you are? Political Schadenfreude Nerd-Weenises, who have already clicked the “Read More” about this? "

I am. And you made my Saturday. Swoon!

angerbear June 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm

This is the Tim Pawlenty of scandals.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Agreed, though last year he legally changed his name to T-POW!™

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 12:54 am

A veritable Who's That? of politics!

Barb June 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

OT:
That little 15 year-old homophobe with the radio show got his show pulled from the airwaves.

BAH HA HA!

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Mom and Dad finally found out about Uncle Ernie's and his basement backroom operation? Seriously, did you ever listen to his show? His voice would go in and out as he leaned toward and backed off from the microphone, he bumped into the mic more than once while I was listening, and he was all over the place. Definitely not a graduate of the Columbia School of Broadcasting.*

*not affiliated with the Columbia Broadcasting System.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I'm assuming it was because of his pronounced lisp?

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

And so ends another career in radio, thank the FSM.

Rotundo_ June 9, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Another budding Glenn Beck acolyte, in tears in his basement bedroom, cheeto stained tighty-whities around his knees weeping about the ashes of his media empire and whacking furiously at gladiator movies on Netflix. A media empire strangled in its basement manger.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Well, well, well. That's good news.

pinkocommi June 9, 2012 at 3:05 pm

This Wonkette article is shockingly journalistic. Needs moar snark. And moar blingees.

EloquentScience June 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Wonkette is doing serious reporting? Incredible.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Pity poor Ken Larrey, an electrical engineer from Houston, who really just wants to be left alone to occasionally write for BigGovernment.com, retweet photos of Dana Loesch’s new pink heels, and maybe, one day, mastermind a big undercover sting all his own.

Log Cabin Republicans on line 2 Mr. Larrey. Seriously, you could take the Alejandro video, put actual scenes of quasi-fascist leatherboys fucking and sucking each other, actual, Honest to God hot man-on-man action, with a special guest appearance by Matt Bomer in a crotchless leather cassock and have a cutaway to a naked Larry Craig and Lindsey Graham giving each other handjobs while they played Eastern Bloc tonsil hockey with each other and it still wouldn't be as gay as Ken Larrey re-tweeting Dana Loesch's tweets about her shiny, new pink pumps.

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

"…cutaway to a naked Larry Craig and Lindsey Graham giving each other handjobs…"

You just had to spoil it for me, huh?

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Sorry man, that was a dick move on my part. In the future I promise to reduce the medication so I don't mix the hot gay imagery with the icky gay imagery. Take a look at this. It ought to wash that Larry Craig/Lindsey Graham image right out of your brain.

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I'm watching Eyes Wide Open right now. It's an Israeli film. The lead actor is a total hothothothot hunk.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Oh, man.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Ya know?

NYNYNYjr June 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Was I supposed to have already known who Larrey was?

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Where's Tom of Finland?

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Nastassja/Nastassia Kinski LIBEL!!! She has eyes only for me! *Sigh*

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Well, I hope she gets to use them for her film career too, pdog. Let's not be selfish now. (rolls eyes, spraining both)

ProgressiveInga June 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Roman Polanski libel!

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

The punishment for which is being forced to watch "Pirates" ten times in a row sans bathroom breaks, alcohol or reefer.

Just kidding, even John Yoo wouldn't defend that.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:20 pm

He would attack it with doves.

johnnyzhivago June 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The sad thing is that all of the people in this story apparently make a living out of this nonsense.

comrad_darkness June 10, 2012 at 9:26 am

But it's not welfare

Goonemeritus June 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Way too many words wake me up when you get the email about a barge full of dildos.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Is this what you're referring to when you say "barge full of dildos"?

not that Radio June 9, 2012 at 8:16 pm

That'll do nicely.

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Just a bunch of loons on a boat gettin' drink & tryin' to get laid after listening to "Guest Speakers" mouth off about Obama ("Kenyan Muslim Commie Nazi!") conspiracy theories.
I'm sure it would also result in more pics of hooves shoved into ill-fitting pink pumps. Something that I'm sure we all, as a country, need more of.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Pretty much.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I am certain that according to rule 34, a velocidildo exists. Damn.

bobbert June 10, 2012 at 4:30 am

This is one of the few times when I really wish there was a +100X upfist.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Excellent summary, but since you asked, didja ever notice that Nico's first solo album was called "Chelsea Girl," though it was recorded long before infamous Mossad agent — and girl! — Chelsea Clinton was even born?

rocktonsam June 9, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I hope "JOK's" parents have other kids to be proud of.

johnnyzhivago June 9, 2012 at 6:46 pm

One was exhibited as a talking fish, the other was served on a chaffing dish.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Chances are, immediately after his birth, each of them forked their babymaking bits out with the nearest rusty implement and pounded them to a fine dust, which they then burned at the local incinerator.

CivicHoliday June 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I have zero sympathy for ANY of these people. May they all gnaw each others' faces off like the rats that they are.

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 9:29 pm

This particular species, I believe, prefer to start on body parts other than the face first.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Yeah. Like vultures, they prefer to stick their heads up the asshole first.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 1:54 am

"May they all gnaw each others' faces off like the rats balt-salt fuled humans that they are."

/fixed

Monsieur_Grumpe June 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Drugging and raping a women? I don't believe it. Drugging and raping underage boys…. that I would believe.

DonnyKerabotsos June 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Wow. That's real news writing there, with just the right whiff of snark.

They should confiscate Jonah Goldberg's Pulitzer Prize and award it to Wonkette.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Jonah Goldberg responds: "I don't roll on Shabbos, whatever and whenever that is."

glamourdammerung June 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Then how does he get to the toilet?

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Beats me, but I'm sure it involves Pentacostals, Reaganomics, and a serious case of rickets.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Let's not speculate on the Doughy Pantload's terlet habits, shall we? (Chunders violently)

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Reaginites are all known to shout,
"Damned spot, out, out, and out!"
For example Ed Meese
Slept each night in fine fleece,
Which explains his having the gout.

Blueb4sunrise June 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

OT

Alabama Shakes – "Be Mine" – Bonnaroo 2012 (Official Video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9V8I0_TVo0&fe

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Followed discretely by the old Alabama Getaway? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzQrgb-NH0A

Gunner Asch June 9, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Thankyouthankyou. I like their live performances better than the album recordings. I don't buy much music these days but Alabama Shakes and Carolina Chocolate Drops are the exception. Now if I could only find a decent recording of Always Alright my life would be complete.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I'm a huge fan of the Chocolate Drops! Would that AM/FM radio played such good music each and every day.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Thank you for giving me the gift that is the Carolina Chocolate Drops.

Butch_Wagstaff June 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Rhiannon Giddens–such a great voice.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:03 am

Dear heart, I am smackgobbened by the beauty of their music. (Hugs the Butch most fervently)

NYNYNYjr June 9, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Slightly OT

Roxette- "Knockin' on Every Door"- Sydney Opera House 1991 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aczDUXjIPQA

Enjoy

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Thank you, Blue!

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm

No love for Alabama Three?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hhzAgAzSr4

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 1:56 am

I've seen them on some late-night shows. I really need to Youtube them to listen to a bit more of their stuff. What little I've heard has been very good.

102415 June 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

That was excellent. I sent it to my 4 month old granddaughter. Thank you.

johnnyzhivago June 9, 2012 at 6:51 pm

O'keefe should go off and investigate something important like the number of angels that can fit on the head of a pin or expose "unlimited data plans" from cellphone providers.

Gunner Asch June 9, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I suddenly realized "All of them, Katie" actually works here. I may as well join the club of submitters.

Doktor Zoom June 9, 2012 at 7:06 pm

OT Updated Update of the Update: Breitbart-memorialist David Bugnon's Facebook Page is now a thing of the past. He's also deleted his Twitter account and maybe his "fine art" website.

Look, he richly deserves ridicule, and I sort of hope that his career as a right-wing propagandist is over… but I also hope that he doesn't do something MORE stupid than just plagiarism.

Rotundo_ June 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Now this is a tragedy, the next "Painter of Light" is out of the business? First we lose Glenn Beck's heir apparent (see above) and now this? Where will reich-wing Amerikkka go for their propaganda and for their photoshopped piece of shit portraits of dead hack writers? We're looking down the gaping maw of a crisis here people!

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Painteroflight.com still works!!!

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm

A true artist — and bullshitter, pardon the redundancy — stands their ground, no matter how tight the corner they've painted themselves in. That's half the fun. Obviously, he's on the cutting edge of thinly veiled wussitude. Comes with the territory, I suppose.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Agreed, Dok. I don't wish him ill. I'm glad he was exposed, he was a cheat and a fraud, but I hope he's OK.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Don't worry none, MB, con artists (pun definitely intended) like this bozo just move on and set up shop in the next town when the heat is turned on.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:12 pm

(Hugs the pdog)

MilwaukeeKent June 10, 2012 at 12:10 am

But you gotta know the territory.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ9U4Cbb4wg

glamourdammerung June 10, 2012 at 12:52 am

Honestly, it would not surprise me if they simply put it back up later and denied any debunking happened.

comrad_darkness June 10, 2012 at 3:20 pm

He sold three of those gilcee prints and now plans to comfortably retire.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 8:42 am

Don't worry, Dok. I'm sure David Bugnon will be embroiled in a four-year-long legal battle over the propriety of his "artwork". Oh, wait. IOKIYAR. Nevermind.

SudsMcKenzie June 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Do the authors realize were all wasted by this point on a Saturday afternoon?

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 8:18 pm

It took you that long?

SudsMcKenzie June 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I sleep late

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I see I have some catching up to do, and thanks a million for the reminder.

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 1:04 am

I'm still running off a Wonkette meet-up contact high.

Barb June 10, 2012 at 1:17 am

How did it feel to meet the cool kids?

Fare la Volpe June 10, 2012 at 1:47 am

These people are ludicrously beautiful. The catalogue-pretty stock models that advertised this meet-up pale in comparison.

Barb June 10, 2012 at 1:56 am

I hope that someone took photos of this event.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

We had a good time, did we, sweetie?

vodkamuppet June 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

We missed eachother by 20 minutes last night! Why did you take off so early?

Manhattan123 June 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Why do all the plans of these clowns involve dressing up and "goading" the commiepinkolibs into doing something? If they are so lefty evil shouldn't they just be doing it all the time and easily captured on tape and not need the playacting? Hey, wait a minute…

not that Radio June 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

The Breitbunatics are really going apeshit over this "SWATTing" thing, and now they've got 70 teabag congresspeople to sign onto it.

Naturally, the comments there are all hilarious, but this one stood out, despite its OT nature:

batcountry

Solyndra…….the failed solar panel company, backed by tax dollars to the tune of 535 million dollars. How many people are in the USA? 330 million, so every man, woman and child could have had a million dollars and we still would have not spent as much money.

ElPinche June 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Yeah, thank goodness for those BushCo monthly payment plans for those damn wars. Brotha'z gotta eat.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Math. How the f does that work?

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I clicked on a linkie at the Breitfart site and then another linkie there and found this. I wonder how much time the Bbarties spend at this site?

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Well, at least *that* link didn't gross me out.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 9:05 am

I dunno. They claim to have "age-appropriate" games on that site. What constitutes "age-appropriate" for these people? For example, I could see one of them trying to play that Memory game, then insisting that green and orange are actually the same color, and anyone who says different is a commie homo n-word koolaid-drinker.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:14 pm

ZOMG. This is … ludicrous. This is dangerously innumerate. Good grief. And I thought *I* was an idiot. These people. They horrify me.

George Skullfry June 10, 2012 at 12:03 am

Oh, come on. That had to be a Wonker posting. Nobody is actually that stupid, are they? Are they? Guys?

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Research into backmasking by the late Chuck Colson disproves this entire article. For instance, if you listen closely to Charlie Watts' back beat on "Paint It Black" it's quite obvious that the demonic tom toms are chanting "Johnny Depp will make several mediocre films with the Anti-Christ Tim Burton."

Blueb4sunrise June 9, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Whoa!
Pass that over to me.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I know whatchu been doin'.

redarmybarbie June 10, 2012 at 4:09 am

Say,

Would you happen to remember this by any chance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmsOIjzQ1V8

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

ZOMG, I loved that! We used to sing it at the office back when it first came out. Luckily the suits had the other half of the office and never came out to where us grunts worked, or it would've been curtains for the lot of us.

Blueb4sunrise June 9, 2012 at 9:35 pm

OT
Creature!
Contact your lawyer.
http://boingboing.net/2012/06/09/black-lagoon-esq

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Beatiful! Creature will be flattered.

C_R_Eature June 10, 2012 at 8:07 am

I love the links in that post:

fashion happy mutants mask Sex Steampunk Ukraine

Good thing I didn't have a reputation to lose, eh? OTOH, those would be excellent words to try to work into an annoying Pop song. I'll keep them in mind!

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 8:26 am

those would be excellent words to try to work into an annoying Pop song.

Are you sure the B-52s haven't already done that?

C_R_Eature June 10, 2012 at 8:58 am

Zounds, Dewey – you're right! Nice spot!

Party out of Bounds – The B-52's

Surprise! Party!
Yeah, we just thought we'd drop in!
Where's your icebox?
Where's the punch?
Eww, house-a-tosis!

Who's to blame when parties really get out of hand?
Who's to blame when they get poorly planned?
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoooo–oooooo…

Happy mutants get bombed, slobs make a mess
Ya know sometimes they'll even ruin your wife's dress
Happy mutants gettin' bombed. (Who's to blame?)
Can you pull it back in line?
Can you salvage it in time?

What can you do to save a party?
Parcheesi? Charades? A spur-of-the-moment
Scavenger hunt, or Queen of the Nile? (Wooooh!)
Who turned out the lights? (Wooooh!)

Bombed, happy mutants gettin' bombed
Happy mutants gettin' bombed, bombed, bombed, bombed, well who's to blame?

Who's to blame when situations degenerate?
Disgusting things you'd never anticipate
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooo–ooooooo…

People get sick, they play the wrong games
Ya know, it can ruin your name!
Happy mutants gettin' bombed. (Who's to blame?)
Can you pull it back in line?
Can you salvage it in time?

Woooooh!
It shouldn't be difficult!
Try not to condemn!
O.K. who ordered the Steampunk fashion Sex Mask from the Ukraine ?

I'll be tactful when making the rounds
Be tactful when making the rounds
and maybe you can save a party….

Party gone out of bounds!
Gone out of bounds!
Party gone out of bounds!
Gone out of bounds!

C_R_Eature June 10, 2012 at 8:04 am

Thanks! This looks eerily like the way I felt last night before passing out in a wave of exhaustion and Flying Dog Single Hop El Dorado IPA.

How did they know?

ElPinche June 9, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Nice reporting and you didn't even need fake bitches n pimps.

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Personally, I would appreciate a few hearts and "cute ass" comments on my record after a thorough inspection. Inside and out.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:37 pm

You're young.

At my age, I just don't even want to acknowledge that somebody's groping my ass and it's not meant for my sexual satisfaction. Which is about all the groping I'm getting these days anyhow, not that you care.

redarmyzombie June 10, 2012 at 2:29 am

If worse comes to worse, you *could* try the TSA…

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I have. Trust me, it's not worth it.

Doktor Zoom June 9, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Pretty close, except I heard it was Lois Lane and Klaus Kinski

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Sounds more like a job for Mark Lane and Santa Klaus.

Doktor Zoom June 9, 2012 at 11:50 pm

No, no, it was Pork Loin and Santa Barbara

KotBR June 9, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I'm confused, is this the plot for the Dallas reboot?

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I'm sorry, I just have a lot of trouble with Sting Theory.

tessiee June 10, 2012 at 12:23 am

U2, huh?

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Brilliant, you two.

George Skullfry June 10, 2012 at 12:42 am

Okay, that was weird. I've found another cause of instant-delete. Unfortunately, I failed to save a copy before posting,so I cannot debug. I may have inadvertently used the word for which I usually substitute "tripwire", but I cannot remember.

Anyhow, the condensed (and, of course, much less witty) version is:

1. These guys are bozos, and exist to distract the media from covering the actually awful bullshit that their older compadres are inflicting on us all the time.

2. The weather here in Groveland has been absolutely lovely for several days. Unfortunately, I've spent most of these days (with occasional breaks to appreciate the weather) cleaning up my lot, so I am tired and marginally crankier than usual.

3. I'm gonna go have beer and listen to a not-bad local band for a while.

Cheers.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 1:38 am

A regular Woodward & Bernstein, these two.

Now, all I have to find out is who the hell all of these actors are. lol

gurukalehuru June 10, 2012 at 5:49 am

Too long and complex. I will wait for the movie version to make sense of it all.
Somebody is going to make a movie about this, aren't they?

SudsMcKenzie June 10, 2012 at 8:33 am

O'Keefethious?

Generation[redacted] June 11, 2012 at 10:22 am

Atlas Shrugged, Part 2?

C_R_Eature June 10, 2012 at 8:02 am

I, for one, welcome our new loquacious Investigative Journalist Overlords.

Keep it up.

politics_nerd June 10, 2012 at 8:45 am

Speedway, Illinois, which never existed, has since changed their name and location to Speedway, Indiana. You are welcome.

Matthius_Phelan October 12, 2012 at 1:59 am

Hello, you!

I am embarrassed to say this, because it implies I've been re-reading my own work's comment feed many months later, BUT … just so you know … it took me precisely until now to notice this comment.

I've notified Editrix Schoenkopf (and provided she has time) this will be corrected.

Please send her your own email about it yourself also? In the future, you could maybe email the author or the editor with these sorts of corrections? it'd get fixed faster and you'd have my gratitude.

YOU DID GOOD! THIS WAS A GOOD CATCH!

MosesInvests June 10, 2012 at 9:41 am

The Emperor Basil the Bulgar-slayer turns to the Varangian Guard and says, "Wow, that plotline is Byzantine!"

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 12:23 am

Oh, does he?

ttommyunger June 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Proving once and for all: there is no honor among Queefs.

fuflans June 10, 2012 at 8:20 pm

i really don't understand any of this, but i refuse to belive adele did anything bad.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 10, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Oh my farking gawd.
(Yes, it's Bugnon again, swiping other people's stuff. The man is beyond help. As far as I know, he's not yet peddling inkjet printouts for $4,000, so there's that in his favor.)

I'll start out with question #1: What is O'Queef smoking?

Tundra Grifter June 11, 2012 at 11:44 am

"…photos of Dana Loesch’s new pink heels…"

Those are some serious calves, right there! Was she a linebacker in college?

lulzmonger June 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Huh. Seems to be becoming a real fuckhead-eat-fuckhead ManBoy's club among the Reaganjugend now … psssst, fuckheads: GET HUNGRIER FASTER.

If memory serves, James "FAILING FOR LIBERTY" O'Keefe should already be "SWAT'ed" with a nice epic visit to the Crowbar Hilton by now. Fucking around with the phone system of a Homeland Security Committee member = if O'Keefe's last name was Muktar or Mohammed, he'd be enjoying the "research opportunities" of the VIP basement-suite in Guantanamo today. Can't we just all chip in to buy this bipedal fungus an actual fucking chin so he can maybe get up enough gumption to pull that big scratchy Martyr/Messiah Complex stick out of his arse?

jerichothedrifter June 11, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Saw the term "fellow travelers" in the emails. Just like 1951, except with the Interwebz.

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Sounds like an activity I'll put off for a while longer.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

That's true. Something like "proper preparation noted" goes in your chart. Now, I don't know if R. Lee Ermey would think it was clean enough, but my doctor did. (http://www.hark.com/clips/xnpbfbdgkp-the-virgin-mary-herself-would-be-proud-to-go-in-there-and-take-a-dump)

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

And the way they suggest you position yourself when you give yourself the Fleet Enema, you better hope Marcus B doesn't walk into the room at the same time.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Needz to fix teh linkie.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Long as you can, bub. It is NOT fun. On the PLUS side, you don't have to do one till you're in your 50s, maybe even 60. After that, they make you do them every X years.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Man, pdog, I don't know about you, but when I administer one of them puppies, I kick EVUHbody out the house and lock ALL the fucking doors. You don't want NOBODY walking in on you while you're pooping your lungs out, never mind the position.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Who position? What position?
I had to swallow some stuff that tasted worse than anything — yes, worse than Diet Pepsi! — and made me, um, that is, it had a laxative effect. That was bad enough, but I didn't have to assume any positions until it came time to, um, that is, take the actual pictures.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I go to a motel.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Yeah, long before they have to do any probing, I'm passed out from that Verced? Versed? Twilight? stuff that they shoot you up with. The last thing I remember from the last one was telling the nurse she was pinching my hand. I never heard her reply, but they had to keep shaking me to wake me up and wouldn't let me leave without a Designated Driver.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 9:22 am

Some pharm manufacturer with a sadistic sense of humor named the substance Golytely

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I guess I'm kinda on borrowed time then. Just turned 51 not too long ago.

HistoriBarb June 9, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Last week the doc told me the new guidelines are 45 … and he wanted me to get an early start. Fuck.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Oh, sh … I mean, er … you're a vegetarian, right? Stick with a high-fiber diet, dood, you can't go wrong. That is to say, you can't "go" … oh, fuck it.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Don't wait too long. I had my first at 55, and while there was none cancer, there were 8 and 9 mm polyps just getting ready.

The thing is, this is the only common cancer you can actually guarantee you won't get. The sedatives are pretty good, too.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Oh, man. I had my first done at age 50, and they told me they needed to check me *early* because of a relative's colon cancer. Why are they lowering the age? Oh, hell, why not? Now you Yungz will understand why us Oldz are always so crabby.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Now, see, I know who Kropotkin is. But Alinsky?

HistoriBarb June 9, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I blame Obama.

BelleSC June 10, 2012 at 6:33 am

My mother died of colon cancer. I told my doc I bet I am the only person who ever walked into his office asking for a colonoscopy.

The prep is a BITCH. Poop your brains out all night because you drank a nasty liquid. Then do a "final rinse cycle" with a Fleets enema. I almost kissed the nurse who started the IV and pushed some meds into my vein.

I was alert enough before the procedure started to momentarily watch the nurse checking her email and surf the web before the doctor came into the procedure room. Who cares if the patient quits breathing or falls off the table? I gotta check my mail!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Yeah, me too. He's good for it.

Designer_Radio June 10, 2012 at 12:32 am

Why is Obama politicizing your colonoscopy?

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 10:04 pm

No worries…I eat way more vegetable matter than meat. Plus, I'm so regular you could set a watch by me. (sorry ya'll, I realize that's prolly more than you want to know)

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:04 am

You just made that up, din'tchu? (Upfists TM)

bobbert June 10, 2012 at 4:10 am

Sadly, they're doing a lot better than the North Koreans.

James Michael Curley June 10, 2012 at 8:38 am

Same stuff Michael Jackson was shooting up every day.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm

George Spelvin Skullfry, is that you?

James Michael Curley June 10, 2012 at 8:42 am

I have a high resistance to anesthesia and started to wake up during the procedure and I thought I heard the doctors and nurses were complaining about how bad Obama Care would be. I don't think that was the case. I think they were watching Fox News since there was TV above the operating table and all I could see was a big asshole.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I'm so sorry about your mom. My mother had it too, and stopped the treatment halfway, and went on to make a full recovery and live another 30 years to annoy me.

I have a friend who stays conscious throughout the entire procedure. I can't imagine a worse fate. Nature put our assholes at the opposite end from our eyes for a reason, no?

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:19 pm

It's *other* name is PEG-ES. These people are avid readers of Dan Savage AND sadists.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Polyethylene glycol. I know it well. In addition to its utility as a colon-cleanser, it enjoys a wide variety of industrial uses.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:44 pm

So glad to hear that. I want to be sure, when the Zombie Apocalypse comes, that I will be able to consume those portions of you that, you know, you won't be *needing* or anything. (Hugs ntR)

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Thank you, my dear little Radio Encyclopedia. I always feel like I learned something whenever I speak with you.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I'm still hoarding sick time in case I need that eventual colon resection. You're welcome to anything that's leftover. I've got almost enough sick time to last until Long Term Disability kicks in, at least until Operation TeaParty Layoffs of All Government Workers is complete and takes all that away. In which case, I may want to keep that 9" of diseased colon.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Dude! I have dibs on the LEG! THE LEG!

I SO do not do colon.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Of course. You still get the leg. But I though you might enjoy some Dewey Chitterlings on the side.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm

No, man, I tried menudo, but it's just not me. The leg, OTOH, should do fine boned, rolled, and stuffed with maybe risotto and nuts cooked in lemon juice, olive oil, and saffron.

I know, I know. Hobo Beans(tm) days are ahead and I'm thinkin' recipes, shame on me.

Just remember, if it's turnabout, and it's MY leg, you can identify it by the four-inch scar down the knee. Don't eat the knee.

HistoriBarb June 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Because he's an anti-colonialist, socialistic Nazi. Duh.

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