There are still so many absentee ballots left to count in birther Gary Kreep’s race for a San Diego judgeship, and he and his opponent are 56 votes apart. Kreep, seen in the video above exhibiting the kind of impartiality and fairness and logic and sense which Californians so esteem in their jurists, is well schooled in law and courtrooms as he has been suing Barack Obama for eternity for his many crimes against humanity (being blah) while simultaneously Hatfield and McCoying with the woman whose skull is a hummingbird graveyard, one birther/lawyer/dentist/real estate agent/cosmetologist Ms. Frau Doktor Orly Taitz.

But in what other ways is Gary Kreep super-duper-unbiased and shit? So very many ways.

Kreep was the attorney for Personhood Nevada, an anti-abortion political organization that attempted to circulate a petition to prevent “discrimination against the unborn,” according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal. A judge threw out the petition in December because the language was too vague.

In 2009, Kreep launched, a site dedicated to protecting then-FOX commentator Glenn Beck from boycotts and attacking activist Van Jones, and others reported.

Kreep was the lead attorney in a lawsuit to invalidate same-sex marriage licenses and was part of the conservative legal team observing the Proposition 8 vote tally.

Oh, right. And the dude Gary Kreep may or may not beat to be a California judge has lived since birth with the name Garland Peed.


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  • nounverb911

    Kreep to opponent: "Don't Peed on Me".

  • OneYieldRegular

    Kreep Peed On. Details at 11.

    • nounverb911

      Sponsored by Depends?

  • didgen

    I was sentenced to prison by a Kreep!

  • Generation[redacted]

    You don't want to find yourself standing before Ol' Hangin' Judge Peed.

  • pinkocommi

    This is further proof that "Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." – George Bernard Shaw

    • Isyaignert

      That is brilliant! I'm going to put that on a poster and hang it in our non-partisan political group's booth where we register people to vote, provide info about what's going on in local politics, the dangers of Citizens United, and ideas on how they can help make changes for the better-

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      It depends on whether we are talking about bourgeois democracy or proletarian democracy.
      Viva la Puebla.

  • nounverb911

    Teabaggers need to look somewhere else besides the M2M section of Craigslist for their candidates.

  • Kreep'n Peed!

    • The Bulgarian remix DJ duo? So 2008.

    • Veritas78

      They couldn't be worse than Seals'n'Croft.

    • tessiee

      Worst rappers ever.

  • Chichikovovich

    Well, well, Ms. Pretty-head wants to dump all over people who weren't as blessed by the name fairy…. Snob!

    • I sense a little real-life resentment there, Chich.

      • Chichikovovich

        Well, as it happens my real last name is uncomfortably close in sound to a French-Canadian slur, a fact that gave my friends no end of delight in high-school. But since speakers of non-Canadian versions of French, and certainly Americans, have no idea of this, I now only have to put up with it on holidays with the folks. So the scars have largely healed.

        But that has absolutely nothing to do with my defence of Mssrs. Kreep and Peed, which was motivated solely by considerations of kindness and fair play….

        • (Hugs the Chich fondly) I grew up as a member of a very small minority in the land of my birth, and my name sounded funny to the other kids in school too. All my life, I've been known only by the initial letter of my first name. It's why I feel obliged to adopt aliases (and change them, I suppose).

          You have to admit, though, Kreep and Peed really do take the cake.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            I hated my first name for years because I thought it sounded dorky. I was never teased about it, though. I was probably the first person in my family in who-knows-how-many-generations who wasn't named for someone in the Bible.
            A few years ago, I found out that my first name is actually very old Celtic one & has a feminine variation. So I'm now quite proud of it.

          • The other kids in my school simply couldn't pronounce my name, so they would instead substitute an English equivalent which, fortunately for me, didn't have any pejorative connotations (I was lucky, my brothers didn't fare so well). However, it invariably led to a lengthy discussion on the correct pronunciation, meaning, ethnicity, origins, et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. I just got tired of it. Interestingly enough, it sounds enough like a Celtic name that I've had Irish folk repeatedly ask me how I came by "such a fine Irish name." Very amusing.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            My paternal grandmother named me (and most of her grandchildren). I have no idea how she decided on my name because she was a country gal from east TN who was very, very generations removed from the Isles & NONE of her ancestors had that name.

          • I grew up in Chicago on the South Side when you identified where you lived by parish. "My" parish was named after Saint Bede the Venerable (I'm from Bede's) which included a number of first generation Poles–two my fifth grade friends were named Zdzislaw and Casimir. Both of them had older brothers who were big and mean as hell so they didn't have any problems from the Irish riff-raff (like me).

        • LionHeartSoyDog

          My Mom, bless her heart, named me after the Cœur de Lion, King Richard of English fables.
          So i was a Dick for decades, but not really.
          And today i have a different understanding of the ongoing Crusades.

          • Which makes you even MORE NOT a dick, so there.

  • Callyson

    You know, you would think that the birthers would have thought of the fact that if Obama *were* born outside of the US, he would have gotten on with the big conspiratorial task of signing our national sovereignty over to the UN, or whatever the fuck they think he secretly plotted to do fifty years ago when he started the big charade with the birth announcement in the Hawaii newspapers…

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Duh. That's what he'll do in the SECOND term. See also: gun control.

    • Isyaignert

      The birthers dont' realize that no matter where you're born, if your mother is an American citizen, so are you. Mittens' dad was born in Mexico and he ran for president. So there!

  • Chichikovovich

    I do hope that "judge" is a ceremonial position, right? Beauty contests, largest pumpkins at the fair, that sort of thing? Because I can see a certain downside to having a howling lunatic who ought not to be let out in public without a drool bib sitting in judgement of people's lives.

    • Perish the thought! He'll be deciding the fate of our citizens forthwith. Or at least until he brings his concealed-carry weapon to the courtroom and opens up on some of our finest citizens during one of his more spectacular mental dysfunction days.

  • nounverb911

    They're running for office using their p*rn names?

  • CthuNHu

    Let's hope the final result is Peed all over Kreep.

    The Aristocrats!

    • Peed is actually a well-respected jurist with decades of experience. Kreep, OTOH, has absolutely NOTHING to commend him. He's a howling loon. I hope to god Peed wins, all jokes aside.

      • didgen

        Peed has probably had the name cause to look beyond the surface, while Kreep appears to aspire to be worthy of his name.

        • I'm just terrified that Kreep will win. It's SD, after all, rife with birfer nutbags. I'm already really down because Snotty Wanker was not recalled. I'm not liking this at all.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    What is amazing is that the ancestors of people who would have and pass on such names made it across the Donner Pass without being eaten.

    • Be honest, Dudley. If given a choice between eating a Kreep and, say, a Smith or Jones, which would you eat?

      Can't you just hear it? "I'm not gonna eat that Kreep. I bet he tastes like Schitt."

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Kreep/Peed 2012!

  • Isyaignert

    That Brillo-head preacher dude is wearing pink sox to match his pink shirt; isn't that kinda ghey?

  • CthuNHu

    Fox: Democrat Kreep-haters are Peed-o-philes.

  • Kreep fucking that chicken, Gary.

  • Fairtackle

    Ahhhggg, okay I give. Made it to 3:50. Going to go have a lie down now…

  • ttommyunger

    My mind's eye sees hundreds of fucktards firing up their Lard-Rovers and buzzing down to the 7-11 to buy a $30 money order to send to these 3rd rate hustlers. Suits me.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Cali has Florida envy.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, it is at times like this when I am glad to know that if the GOP does take control of the country in the next election, we are so lucky that it is made up of rational, mature adults.

  • garland peed
    gary kreep
    willard mitt romey

    the fuck is wrong with white people?

    • I often ask this question, but mostly under my breath.

  • TootsStansbury


  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    This makes the acronym for Committee to RE-Elect the President seem so tame by comparison. G Gordon Liddy weeps at being overshadowed.

    • I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find that hardly anybody remembers CREEP any more.

      • PubOption

        He's written a few books, and has/had a radio show….., oh sorry.

  • This is why those of us up north can't let go of the idea of the two-state solution for California.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Same part of San Diego as this douche

    • Lawdy Jeebus. Why do all these fucks look like they've recently been arse-pranged?

  • Fairtackle

    Damn, where does one get some blonde hair like that one dude. Reminds me of a song…

    Chardonnay & cocaine in the spa
    Cigarettes and coffee breath
    Little boys on crystal meth

    and so on.

  • didgen

    How do you know when urine love? You hang out with a kreep and get peed on emotionally.

  • AddHomonym

    It's pronounced pay-ed!

    • PubOption

      In Tennessee and Arkansas.

  • SayItWithWookies

    So that's the guy who's always on Judge Judy's leg.

  • DalePues

    I always thought Putin was an awful name for a politician. I had heard that Putin nearly chose a pol named Pishin as his running mate.

    • PubOption

      French speakers could think it's a misspelling.

  • mavenmaven

    Wow, look at the hair on those two. So 70's porn…

  • Kreep by name, Kreep by nature

  • He's a Kreep
    and he's a weirdo.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I hear he plays a mean rusty trombone.

  • owhatever

    It's Fronk-in-stheen, not Frankenstein. Kreep is correctly pronounced Ahnold-Taitz.

  • Antispandex

    I'm sort of tired of this whole "rights of the unborn" argument. Let's move on to the Rights of the Dead, or some such equally rational argument. No, don't be asking about Rights of the Undead, because everyone knows zombies have no rights. Don't be silly.

  • CivicHoliday

    Both their parents were HUGE mad-lib fans

  • Butch_Wagstaff

    Dubya (meeting Putin): Hehehe, you're name's pootin'. Hehehe…
    Putin: *puzzled look*

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Dubya actually used to call him pootie-poot.

      I expect ol' Vlad was dreaming of the days of Iron Felix Dzerzhinsky.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I had to look up on Felix.

        Wonkers = filling up the gaps in my edumacation. That's why I keep comin' back. Dick jokes and buttsexing, too.

  • Guppy

    I love the smell of populism in the morning.

  • jakegittes

    Laugh it up, fuzzballs. I may have to appear in court in front of this lunatic. I know both of these guys. Peed is definitely to be preferred over Kreep. Garland (Gary) has always lived with the obvious implications of his name. We all used to joke (including Garland Peed): "Gary Peed." "Where?"

    • Steverino247

      One is the highest rated lawyer in the County and the other is the lowest rated. A damned shame if Peed loses. We'll know more on Thursday when most of the absentee ballots are counted.

  • Steverino247

    Semi-full disclosure time: I've run up against Kreep or his minions in the past. The man ain't that good, is the short version. The long version is I used to have some problems with State-sanctioned activities at certain times of the year, usually around late December. Kreep, of course, was all over it. Debates were held and I whomped all comers. I don't think I went against Kreep, but the ones I did whomp had paid too much attention to what he was writing and saying at the time. So, I'm safe from appearing in front of him longer than it would take me to brag about destroying his feeble arguments. That or I'd instantly win any appeals.

    As for him actually taking the bench. I hope he likes Traffic Court, Child Support hearings or Small Claims, because there's no fucking way this clown is going to get any choice assignment. This election was about idiots pranking themselves over names. Foolish behavior, not some wave of Birther Fever. If the names were anything else, Kreep would lose. This wasn't his first time on the ballot, but it was the first time when a headline like "Kreep Over Peed" was possible.

  • chascates

    Liberty University law grad or Glenn Beck U.?

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Is it better to be Kreeped out or Peed on?

  • Steverino247

    Here's what the local Bar had to say about the candidate:

    • George Skullfry

      "Lacking Qualifications". How delightful.

  • tessiee

    Joey Buttafuco approves of this story.

  • tessiee

    "Kreep was the attorney for Personhood Nevada, an anti-abortion political organization that attempted to circulate a petition to prevent “discrimination against the unborn,” according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal."

    Anti-choice, please. The forced pregnancy nuts are not anti-abortion; they're anti-choice.
    It's bad enough that we're still having to fight this battle; let's not give them the advantage of deciding the playing field, too.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "…one birther/lawyer/dentist/real estate agent/cosmetologist Ms. Frau Doktor Orly Taitz."

    She's a female, 21st Century Thomas Jefferson.

  • One hopes it will be Garland Peed over Gary Kreep.

  • kingofmeh

    he wishes he was special. peed's so fucking special.

  • DahBoner

    Slow Down–Birther Kreep KKKrossing

  • Peed, Garland. [How the hell'd ya do that?!] He's very popular around Xmas.

  • "Kreepee Deepies!" sounds like something that would be uttered on Scooby Doo.

  • evamvrgs

    Gary is Kreeping me out.

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