JUDICIAL RESTRAINTS  5:10 pm June 6, 2012

Birther ‘Gary Kreep’ Actually More Fortunately Named Than California Judgeship Opponent

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

There are still so many absentee ballots left to count in birther Gary Kreep’s race for a San Diego judgeship, and he and his opponent are 56 votes apart. Kreep, seen in the video above exhibiting the kind of impartiality and fairness and logic and sense which Californians so esteem in their jurists, is well schooled in law and courtrooms as he has been suing Barack Obama for eternity for his many crimes against humanity (being blah) while simultaneously Hatfield and McCoying with the woman whose skull is a hummingbird graveyard, one birther/lawyer/dentist/real estate agent/cosmetologist Ms. Frau Doktor Orly Taitz.

But in what other ways is Gary Kreep super-duper-unbiased and shit? So very many ways.

Kreep was the attorney for Personhood Nevada, an anti-abortion political organization that attempted to circulate a petition to prevent “discrimination against the unborn,” according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal. A judge threw out the petition in December because the language was too vague.

In 2009, Kreep launched DefendGlenn.com, a site dedicated to protecting then-FOX commentator Glenn Beck from boycotts and attacking activist Van Jones, ThinkProgress.org and others reported.

Kreep was the lead attorney in a lawsuit to invalidate same-sex marriage licenses and was part of the conservative legal team observing the Proposition 8 vote tally.

Oh, right. And the dude Gary Kreep may or may not beat to be a California judge has lived since birth with the name Garland Peed.


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nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Kreep to opponent: "Don't Peed on Me".

OneYieldRegular June 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Kreep Peed On. Details at 11.

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Sponsored by Depends?

didgen June 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I was sentenced to prison by a Kreep!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm

EVERYbody says that.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 5:14 pm

You don't want to find yourself standing before Ol' Hangin' Judge Peed.

pinkocommi June 6, 2012 at 5:15 pm

This is further proof that "Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." – George Bernard Shaw

Isyaignert June 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm

That is brilliant! I'm going to put that on a poster and hang it in our non-partisan political group's booth where we register people to vote, provide info about what's going on in local politics, the dangers of Citizens United, and ideas on how they can help make changes for the better- http://www.involveddemocracy.org

LionHeartSoyDog June 6, 2012 at 7:03 pm

It depends on whether we are talking about bourgeois democracy or proletarian democracy.
Viva la Puebla.

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Teabaggers need to look somewhere else besides the M2M section of Craigslist for their candidates.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Kreep'n Peed!

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

The Bulgarian remix DJ duo? So 2008.

Veritas78 June 6, 2012 at 8:01 pm

They couldn't be worse than Seals'n'Croft.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Worst rappers ever.

Chichikovovich June 6, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Well, well, Ms. Pretty-head wants to dump all over people who weren't as blessed by the name fairy…. Snob!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I sense a little real-life resentment there, Chich.

Chichikovovich June 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Well, as it happens my real last name is uncomfortably close in sound to a French-Canadian slur, a fact that gave my friends no end of delight in high-school. But since speakers of non-Canadian versions of French, and certainly Americans, have no idea of this, I now only have to put up with it on holidays with the folks. So the scars have largely healed.

But that has absolutely nothing to do with my defence of Mssrs. Kreep and Peed, which was motivated solely by considerations of kindness and fair play….

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:43 pm

(Hugs the Chich fondly) I grew up as a member of a very small minority in the land of my birth, and my name sounded funny to the other kids in school too. All my life, I've been known only by the initial letter of my first name. It's why I feel obliged to adopt aliases (and change them, I suppose).

You have to admit, though, Kreep and Peed really do take the cake.

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I hated my first name for years because I thought it sounded dorky. I was never teased about it, though. I was probably the first person in my family in who-knows-how-many-generations who wasn't named for someone in the Bible.
A few years ago, I found out that my first name is actually very old Celtic one & has a feminine variation. So I'm now quite proud of it.

Chow Yun Flat June 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I grew up in Chicago on the South Side when you identified where you lived by parish. "My" parish was named after Saint Bede the Venerable (I'm from Bede's) which included a number of first generation Poles–two my fifth grade friends were named Zdzislaw and Casimir. Both of them had older brothers who were big and mean as hell so they didn't have any problems from the Irish riff-raff (like me).

LionHeartSoyDog June 6, 2012 at 7:15 pm

My Mom, bless her heart, named me after the Cœur de Lion, King Richard of English fables.
So i was a Dick for decades, but not really.
And today i have a different understanding of the ongoing Crusades.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Which makes you even MORE NOT a dick, so there.

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 5:20 pm

You know, you would think that the birthers would have thought of the fact that if Obama *were* born outside of the US, he would have gotten on with the big conspiratorial task of signing our national sovereignty over to the UN, or whatever the fuck they think he secretly plotted to do fifty years ago when he started the big charade with the birth announcement in the Hawaii newspapers…

GunToting[Redacted] June 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Duh. That's what he'll do in the SECOND term. See also: gun control.

Isyaignert June 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

The birthers dont' realize that no matter where you're born, if your mother is an American citizen, so are you. Mittens' dad was born in Mexico and he ran for president. So there!

Chichikovovich June 6, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I do hope that "judge" is a ceremonial position, right? Beauty contests, largest pumpkins at the fair, that sort of thing? Because I can see a certain downside to having a howling lunatic who ought not to be let out in public without a drool bib sitting in judgement of people's lives.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Perish the thought! He'll be deciding the fate of our citizens forthwith. Or at least until he brings his concealed-carry weapon to the courtroom and opens up on some of our finest citizens during one of his more spectacular mental dysfunction days.

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

They're running for office using their p*rn names?

CthuNHu June 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Let's hope the final result is Peed all over Kreep.

The Aristocrats!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Peed is actually a well-respected jurist with decades of experience. Kreep, OTOH, has absolutely NOTHING to commend him. He's a howling loon. I hope to god Peed wins, all jokes aside.

didgen June 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Peed has probably had the name cause to look beyond the surface, while Kreep appears to aspire to be worthy of his name.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I'm just terrified that Kreep will win. It's SD, after all, rife with birfer nutbags. I'm already really down because Snotty Wanker was not recalled. I'm not liking this at all.

Dudleydidwrong June 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

What is amazing is that the ancestors of people who would have and pass on such names made it across the Donner Pass without being eaten.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Be honest, Dudley. If given a choice between eating a Kreep and, say, a Smith or Jones, which would you eat?

Can't you just hear it? "I'm not gonna eat that Kreep. I bet he tastes like Schitt."

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Kreep/Peed 2012!

Isyaignert June 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm

That Brillo-head preacher dude is wearing pink sox to match his pink shirt; isn't that kinda ghey?

CthuNHu June 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Fox: Democrat Kreep-haters are Peed-o-philes.

Chill_Bill June 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Kreep fucking that chicken, Gary.

Fairtackle June 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Ahhhggg, okay I give. Made it to 3:50. Going to go have a lie down now…

ttommyunger June 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm

My mind's eye sees hundreds of fucktards firing up their Lard-Rovers and buzzing down to the 7-11 to buy a $30 money order to send to these 3rd rate hustlers. Suits me.

Fox n Fiends June 6, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Cali has Florida envy.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm

You know, it is at times like this when I am glad to know that if the GOP does take control of the country in the next election, we are so lucky that it is made up of rational, mature adults.

fuflans June 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm

garland peed
gary kreep
willard mitt romey

the fuck is wrong with white people?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I often ask this question, but mostly under my breath.

TootsStansbury June 6, 2012 at 5:40 pm


Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm

This makes the acronym for Committee to RE-Elect the President seem so tame by comparison. G Gordon Liddy weeps at being overshadowed.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find that hardly anybody remembers CREEP any more.

PubOption June 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

He's written a few books, and has/had a radio show….., oh sorry.

Fred_Wertham_Jr June 6, 2012 at 5:48 pm

This is why those of us up north can't let go of the idea of the two-state solution for California.

PeaceWithHonor June 6, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Same part of San Diego as this douche http://tiny.cc/043hfw

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Lawdy Jeebus. Why do all these fucks look like they've recently been arse-pranged?

Fairtackle June 6, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Damn, where does one get some blonde hair like that one dude. Reminds me of a song…

Chardonnay & cocaine in the spa
Cigarettes and coffee breath
Little boys on crystal meth

and so on.

didgen June 6, 2012 at 5:49 pm

How do you know when urine love? You hang out with a kreep and get peed on emotionally.

AddHomonym June 6, 2012 at 6:00 pm

It's pronounced pay-ed!

PubOption June 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

In Tennessee and Arkansas.

SayItWithWookies June 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm

So that's the guy who's always on Judge Judy's leg.

DalePues June 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I always thought Putin was an awful name for a politician. I had heard that Putin nearly chose a pol named Pishin as his running mate.

PubOption June 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

French speakers could think it's a misspelling.

mavenmaven June 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Wow, look at the hair on those two. So 70's porn…

gurukalehuru June 6, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Kreep by name, Kreep by nature

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

He's a Kreep
and he's a weirdo.

littlebigdaddy June 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I hear he plays a mean rusty trombone.

owhatever June 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

It's Fronk-in-stheen, not Frankenstein. Kreep is correctly pronounced Ahnold-Taitz.

Antispandex June 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I'm sort of tired of this whole "rights of the unborn" argument. Let's move on to the Rights of the Dead, or some such equally rational argument. No, don't be asking about Rights of the Undead, because everyone knows zombies have no rights. Don't be silly.

CivicHoliday June 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Both their parents were HUGE mad-lib fans

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Dubya (meeting Putin): Hehehe, you're name's pootin'. Hehehe…
Putin: *puzzled look*

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 6, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Dubya actually used to call him pootie-poot.

I expect ol' Vlad was dreaming of the days of Iron Felix Dzerzhinsky.

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I had to look up on Felix.

Wonkers = filling up the gaps in my edumacation. That's why I keep comin' back. Dick jokes and buttsexing, too.

Guppy June 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I love the smell of populism in the morning.

jakegittes June 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Laugh it up, fuzzballs. I may have to appear in court in front of this lunatic. I know both of these guys. Peed is definitely to be preferred over Kreep. Garland (Gary) has always lived with the obvious implications of his name. We all used to joke (including Garland Peed): "Gary Peed." "Where?"

Steverino247 June 6, 2012 at 7:36 pm

One is the highest rated lawyer in the County and the other is the lowest rated. A damned shame if Peed loses. We'll know more on Thursday when most of the absentee ballots are counted.

Steverino247 June 6, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Semi-full disclosure time: I've run up against Kreep or his minions in the past. The man ain't that good, is the short version. The long version is I used to have some problems with State-sanctioned activities at certain times of the year, usually around late December. Kreep, of course, was all over it. Debates were held and I whomped all comers. I don't think I went against Kreep, but the ones I did whomp had paid too much attention to what he was writing and saying at the time. So, I'm safe from appearing in front of him longer than it would take me to brag about destroying his feeble arguments. That or I'd instantly win any appeals.

As for him actually taking the bench. I hope he likes Traffic Court, Child Support hearings or Small Claims, because there's no fucking way this clown is going to get any choice assignment. This election was about idiots pranking themselves over names. Foolish behavior, not some wave of Birther Fever. If the names were anything else, Kreep would lose. This wasn't his first time on the ballot, but it was the first time when a headline like "Kreep Over Peed" was possible.

chascates June 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Liberty University law grad or Glenn Beck U.?

Nopantsmcgee June 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Is it better to be Kreeped out or Peed on?

Steverino247 June 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Here's what the local Bar had to say about the candidate: https://www.sdcba.org/temp/ts_C42FA195-BDB9-50CE-

George Skullfry June 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

"Lacking Qualifications". How delightful.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Joey Buttafuco approves of this story.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:26 pm

"Kreep was the attorney for Personhood Nevada, an anti-abortion political organization that attempted to circulate a petition to prevent “discrimination against the unborn,” according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal."

Anti-choice, please. The forced pregnancy nuts are not anti-abortion; they're anti-choice.
It's bad enough that we're still having to fight this battle; let's not give them the advantage of deciding the playing field, too.

Chow Yun Flat June 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm


Tundra Grifter June 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

"…one birther/lawyer/dentist/real estate agent/cosmetologist Ms. Frau Doktor Orly Taitz."

She's a female, 21st Century Thomas Jefferson.

Chow Yun Flat June 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

One hopes it will be Garland Peed over Gary Kreep.

kingofmeh June 6, 2012 at 10:44 pm

he wishes he was special. peed's so fucking special.

DahBoner June 7, 2012 at 7:23 am

Slow Down–Birther Kreep KKKrossing

smokefilledroommate June 7, 2012 at 7:53 am

Peed, Garland. [How the hell'd ya do that?!] He's very popular around Xmas.

smokefilledroommate June 7, 2012 at 7:58 am

"Kreepee Deepies!" sounds like something that would be uttered on Scooby Doo.

evamvrgs June 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Gary is Kreeping me out.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

The other kids in my school simply couldn't pronounce my name, so they would instead substitute an English equivalent which, fortunately for me, didn't have any pejorative connotations (I was lucky, my brothers didn't fare so well). However, it invariably led to a lengthy discussion on the correct pronunciation, meaning, ethnicity, origins, et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. I just got tired of it. Interestingly enough, it sounds enough like a Celtic name that I've had Irish folk repeatedly ask me how I came by "such a fine Irish name." Very amusing.

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

My paternal grandmother named me (and most of her grandchildren). I have no idea how she decided on my name because she was a country gal from east TN who was very, very generations removed from the Isles & NONE of her ancestors had that name.

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