this guy

George W. Bush Writing Alternate History Sci-Fi Book Where He Knows How To Run A Country

America clamors for a sequelWay back when your Comics Curmudgeon went to D.C. to make sure George W. Bush wasn’t going to pull off a coup at the last second, he would have never believed that he’d ever say anything nice about the dude, but here we are three years later and here’s something nice: George W. Bush has, for the most part, had the good grace to go away. Cheney’s only being kept alive by elaborate machinery, and yet he still demands to be wheeled out now and again so he can sneer ominously about something, but George W. Bush, he’s mostly been hanging out on the couch of his exurban McMansion, catching up on all the shows he Tivo’d during his presidency. Well, not really, because he watched TV six hours a night when he was president and probably doesn’t know how to operate a Tivo, but the important part is that he wasn’t all up in our grill, reminding us why we hate him. That winning streak ends today with the announcement that “he’s” working on a new book (or maybe he’s “working” on a new book?) about how to encourage economic growth, which HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, hold on a minute, we just have to HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ok let’s nope HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

We are actually kind of angry at the New York Times for only spending a single sentence on the most hilarious bit of political comedy to come down the pike in years:

Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth.

But we presume this article has been carefully placed by George W. Bush’s publicist (and there’s a fun job) with the intention of “building buzz” for the new book, which will presumably explain carefully how cutting the capital gains tax is the cure for America’s ills and that Bush’s biggest mistake was not making his tax cuts permanent, etc. Maybe he could get his buddy Bill Clinton to co-write a chapter on how massive banking deregulation can only result in good things for the financial system! Also, look for the parts where Bush explains how it’s actually a great that his terms in office saw anemic job growth followed by a spectacular economic cratering.

That fun’s all in the future though, and we very much look forward to seeing more details leak out about the book and then finally getting our Wonkette World O’ Books review copy, which we will read carefully or maybe just burn for heat in our hobo camp. Meanwhile, the rest of the Times article except for that sentence is really about Bush trying to convince both Obama and Romney to take his advice on foreign policy matters, which HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. [NYT]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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  1. BornInATrailer

    This is the presidential equivalent of a special needs child handing you macaroni artwork.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      "Oh, so pretty! I'm going to hang this right up on the refrigerator, Georgie!"

  2. SorosBot

    Next he'll write a book on how to gracefully end a war with minimal loss of life.

    1. sullivanst

      1. Invade
      2. Declare victory
      3. Pretend everyone isn't dying
      4. Everyone's dead, the end.

  3. OneYieldRegular

    Two months from now? Perhaps this is part of the GOP's plan to have Dubya stand at the Tampa convention door and hand out books no one will read as a means of insuring that he doesn't take the stage.

      1. PlanetWingNut

        Have Rick Perry pray for Rain in Texas…that will make sure Florida gets hit instead.

  4. sullivanst

    Bush could do a very brief, effective book on how to grow an economy. It'd go something like this:

    Whatever I did as President, do the opposite.

    The End.

  5. ChernobylSoup

    The chapter on trading your cow for a handful of magic beans doesn't seem all that original to me.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Probably. I think a far, far better argument can be made for Bush as an agent of China than can be made for Obama as a Muslin-Kenyan-Indonesian demon seed.

  6. Barb

    They should put Bush's "knows how to run a country" book right next to Octomom's "parenting tips" book.

      1. YasserArraFeck

        "Governor, what did you do with your book? – it was here a minute ago…."


  7. Chichikovovich

    It has to be admitted that economic growth was spectacular during the Bush years.

    China's, that is.

  8. prommie

    Who can think of any of this shit now, with Donna Summer dead? Man, I hated disco at the time, but it makes me smile when I hear it now, it was way better than this new "music" which consists of macho posturing chants which demean women. Hot Stuff was hot stuff.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      it was way better than this new "music" which consists of macho posturing chants which demean women.

      Are the kids getting on your lawn, Prommie?

        1. prommie

          It was a sad day when the price rose over 50 cents a gallon, Fare, a sad sad day. My 1972 Gran Torino got 11 miles per gallon.

          1. Isyaignert

            And they'd pump your gas for you, clean your windshield, and check your fluids and tires.

            My first job out of high school was working at a gas station during the Arab Oil Embargo of 1973-74. Our gas pumps only went up to 49.9 cents so we had to sell it by the half gallon when the price got over 50 cents. I couldn't believe how many people thought we were trying to rip them off.

    2. FakaktaSouth

      Oh noes. You just told me a sad thing I did not know. 63, yikes. Sad news for a Pervy Thursday.

      Wanna share my love with a warm blooded lover
      Wanna bring a wild man back home

      Gotta have some hot love, baby, this evenin'
      I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight
      I want some hot stuff, baby, this evenin'

      Gonna have some lovin' Got to have a love tonight

      1. prommie

        And this just made me remember a dead ex. Saddy sad sad. I just found a video of her with the googles, she was a performer of a sort, but seeing that youtube was wierd. I wonder if anyone else in the world is remembering that she ever lived, right this moment.

    3. Barb

      Hey Prommie! I just listened to her cover of Manilow's "Could It Be Magic" and I liked it!

    4. fuflans

      this is very sad.

      i have loved the very trashiest of pop music and disco certainly qualifies. though i have ALSO heard musical types discuss it with some gravitas.

      who's next? abba?

    5. OneYieldRegular

      I have "State of Independence" playing loudly in my office right now. The looks I've had from people passing by the door…

  9. freakishlywrong

    Wasn't this ass boil just convicted of war crimes in Malaysia or something? Don't go away pissy, Dubya, just go away. And take your ilk with you.

  10. fartknocker

    Will the former El Jeffe Senior Goat Fuck have Bernie Madoff and Jack Ambramhoff write the introduction? Rachel Maddow (I do love that woman) had some very pretty graphs last night illustrating Georgie's lack of economic understanding.

  11. bflrtsplk

    The “book“ will come with a complete set of 64 Crayolas for filling in the numerous pie charts and bar graphs showing us that up is down, square is round, in your favorite color schemes.

    1. BornInATrailer

      In it he butchers his pet goat so he can make goat food and a goat blanket for his pet goat. Hasn't finished the last chapter yet.

  12. niblick77

    He is going to talk about running a lemonade stand as a child not knowing that mom and pop spend twice what he took in for the lemons and 5 lbs of sugar to make it go down easy.

  13. flamingpdog

    I guess the doctors could only keep him in a near-death coma for so long …

    WAIT, he spent 2001-2009 in a near-death coma!! What phailed???

  14. LibertyLover

    Just enough time to remind people in the USA what a great job he did as prez. Mitt Romney's gonna give him a big wet one for doing that… or maybe Mitt will take a pair of scissors to Bush's Hair.

  15. SudsMcKenzie

    I thought he was just bending over and picking up Barneys poop these days, you know something he's good at.

  16. flamingpdog

    I'm gonna go buy another copy of Benincasa's book instead. It has as many valuable prescriptions for improving the American economy as I'm sure Dubya's will.

  17. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Normal Wonkette Liberal Bias. Bush was more than just Tax Cuts. Oil revenues skyrocketed during his presidency, as did employment by secretive paramilitary security forces. Hell, torturers and torture supplies and equipment went from a small little mom and pop industry catering to the local S&M freak to one of our leading industries.

    How dare you ignore such fine work.

  18. JustPixelz

    "… [Dubya's] strategies for economic growth."

    I'm sure they're every bit as good as his strategies for fighting al Queda in Iraq. Or his bin Laden strategy. Or his pretzel eating technique.

  19. Fare la Volpe

    We really should read this when it comes out.

    I hear George makes a very modest proposal.

  20. SayItWithWookies

    This man really does think he's some sort of genius, doesn't he? It's like there's no problem he can't solve with his special blend of ignorance and malevolent neglect.

  21. GeorgiaBurning

    Anybody keeping track of how many useless books will be hawked during the GOP convention? I should say useless unless you have a fireplace.

    1. Isyaignert

      That's the only way those RepubliCON screeds get on the NYT bestseller list. The "think" tanks like The Heritage Foundation buy cases of them to give away to their rubes for further indoctrination. No chit.

  22. Callyson

    Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth.

    So we'll read it, do the exact opposite of what it suggests, and all will be fine…

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Having read five or six of these tomes (I get them from the library for SOCIALISM) I have made a not-particularly surprising discovery:

      They're all the same book: only chapter one ever changes, depending on who wrote it.

      Chapter 1: LOOK AT ME!

      Chapter 2: Bootstraps and hurrah free enterprise and THE MARKET

      Chapter 3: Regulations OMG!

      Chapter 4: We should eliminate welfare because welfare makes people not work therefore cut it out entirely

      Chapter 5: Cut the fuck out of taxes, especially for jerb creators

      Chapter 6: Government is bad, mmmkay? However corporations are great because The Market

      Chapter 7: So the solution is simple. Cut taxes, remove regulation, slice the government down to tiny, get rid of welfare. Nothing could ever go wrong with this.

      Chapter 8: I'm still fucking great look at me.

      Back cover:
      lickspittle circle-jerk of quotes ALWAYS from O'Really, Hannity and another couple of douchehats whose books will have quotes from the author of this book

      The end.

  23. rickmaci

    The book is taking longer than anticipated to finish because the Chimpster is having a hard time with keeping his crayon coloring inside the lines.

  24. elburritodeluxe

    .ie a Republican publishing group will pay him to keep quiet, stay away from cameras and "work on a book" while the party tries to get you to forget about him.

    1. Isyaignert

      Works for me. My blood pressure is normal now that numbnutz is out of the White House. I used to get serious, debilitating RepubliCON Tourettes every time that fumduck opened his mouth.

  25. fuflans

    on the plus side, george zimmerman, clooney and martin all come up before george bush on the googles.

  26. BlueStateLibel

    Dubya's new book on fostering economic growth will sit proudly alongside my copies of Gen. George Custer's revered tome on military strategy and Nevill Chamberlien's respected treatsie, "Guaranteeing Peace in our Lifetime."

  27. Terry

    "Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth."

    Well, look at it this way. Bush proved what doesn't work during his term. Perhaps he's preparing to talk about the approaches he didn't try.

  28. fuflans

    didn't he just right a crappy book that got roundly trashed? doesn't he have some brush to clear or something?

  29. Naked_Bunny

    Bush will then write a fanfic where a new character, named George Dubbush, will single-handedly defeat Doctor Robotnik, rescuing Sonic and saving the animals of Mobius.

  30. DahBoner

    I'm saving my cash for his little brother Jeb's book: "Don't Drive the Country Into the Ground, Like My Brother" published by Click N Klack Press…

  31. glamourdammerung

    It would be funny for President Obama to give Romney a copy during the debates and ask him if he could get Bush to sign it for him the next time they are hanging out.

  32. NYNYNYjr

    90% off- so is it cheaper than standard house insulation yet? Also, what are its insulating properties?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      When it becomes cheaper than firewood he's going to hit the bestseller list.

  33. miss_grundy

    So, the poopie-head who started two wars and sent thousands of pallets of Ameros to Iraq and stood by while the country nearly went over the cliff, cause he and the Repubs deregulated the financial industry, is now going to tell us how the country should be run economically? Does this story have superheroes, vampires, werewolves or zombies? Because if it isn't a mashup of a literature classic, I'm not reading it.

  34. Halloween Jack

    I've assumed that W has spent almost all of his time since leaving office sprawled on a lounge chair next to his pool with a fifth of Jack plugged into a PICC line. If he has to go out to promote this stuff, they'll have to dry him out and swap the fifth out with a mickey of vodka that has a remote-control release that doesn't go on until about a minute before he's done with his speech. Good luck to his handlers.

  35. notanncoulter

    I'll look for it on the shelf next to "Bristol's Guide To Abstinence" in the IRONIC YET UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY aisle along with the Sarah Palin documentary “The Undefeated”.
    This stuff just writes itself, don't it?

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