Real footageYeah, we were there for “LAME DUCK ’10.” Time of our lives, man, time of our lives. The gays got their military, the U.S. and Russia decided not to nuke each other for another few years, some nutrition or FDA dongle was passed — it was a lot of congressional activity! (Also too, there was that gross tax cut deal, but nevermind that.) What mediocre mixture will we get out of this year’s lame-duck session? How about long overdue ANNIHILATION OF THE REPUBLIC! Because they’re planning on doing the Bush tax cuts and the debt ceiling, then. And let’s not forget some solution to the previous debt ceiling deal’s major cuts to everything, forever, that are already in the pipeline lest a compromise can be found. Can Congress please just admit that it’s not capable of solving all (or any) of this in the lame duck and hand it off to Hitler already, like the Germans did in the 30s? At least that guy could make decisions.

It is unusual to have the Bush tax cuts and the $1.2 trillion in across-the-board cuts and the breaching of the debt ceiling all come into play in the lame-duck session just after presidential and congressional elections, but that’s the legacy of our 112th Congress for you. John Boehner introduced bits of his plan to “tackle” all of these most important issues in a speech today at the rich guy who wants to destroy Social Security’s forum:

In addition to teeing up another debt limit fight for the lame duck session of Congress later this year, by demanding dollar-for-dollar budget cuts in exchange for new borrowing authority, House Speaker John Boehner also insists that regardless of the election outcome, Republicans will reject higher taxes on wealthy Americans in that fight.

And to build leverage for the GOP position, he announced Tuesday that House Republicans will pass legislation before the election to extend the Bush tax cuts indefinitely.

“What also doesn’t count as ‘cuts and reforms’ are tax increases,” Boehner will say before the annual Pete Peterson Fiscal Summit in Washington, DC, according to prepared remarks. “Any sudden tax hike would hurt our economy, so this fall – before the election – the House of Representatives will vote to stop the largest tax increase in American history.”

Well, any votes “before the election” won’t matter except as political posturing (which is allowed!), so that leaves it to the lame duck. The informal rules of etiquette would tell the 112th Congress to extend all deadlines a few months so as to let the next president and Congress deal with them, but — here’s a secret — there are no informal rules of etiquette anymore! So instead we will see INSANITY on Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve when we cannot pay attention, which is the only good part of this.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    Does anyone have a good recipe for dead lame duck?

  • Are the Mayans behind this clusterfuck?

    • nounverb911

      My wife is so excited that the world ends on her birthday.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Isn't that sweet that the ancient Mayans would honor her that way?

  • SorosBot

    That's a good election strategy Boner, make it clear that the Republicans' only priority is to make sure the super-rich never have to pay their fair share in taxes.

    • nounverb911

      Those Democratic campaign ads just keep on writing themselves.

      • boobookitteh

        They do. It remains to be seen if the Democrats will air them, however.

      • Millennial Malaise

        "Largest Tax Increase in American History" And Rush Limbaugh won't stop repeating those words on his broadcast, days after the cuts are allowed to expire (cross your fingers!!). Unlikely to be factually true given who's saying it, but you know that doesn't matter to Teatards.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, that's all well and good, until Barack whups out his big 10 inch veto.

    • Heh. Mine's bigger.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      You know what they say about fellas that have a bit veto, don't you?

  • elburritodeluxe

    OK, so the wealthiest Americans are not going to contribute to our country's coffers when it's in need. But they are going to invest in millions of dollars in inaccurate, inflammatory attack ads to support Republicans. And isn't that just as good?

    • Nothing spreads the wealth like giving money to rich white ad execs.

    • They're injecting hundreds of millions of dollars into the economy which helps make the president look good. Irony?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Anything they didn't lose in credit default swaps, sure.

  • Baconzgood

    Dear Tea-Party Freshmen,

    Thanks for fucking this country, having your heads up your asses, and droping 48 House seats in our laps in November.

    Fingers crossed,

    The Progressives of The United States of America

    • fuflans

      man i wish you may be prescient.

      • Baconzgood

        It's not hard to forsee. No Tarrot cards needed. I'm no political insider, but if he pulls this shit in October of this year…it will be a colossal destruction for the GOP. Like Mccarthy. Hell, he might even lose his own seat.

        • bagofmice

          It's "Dropping" and "Tarot". Git yer dubble consonants right, baconz!

          • Baconzgood

            Baconz puts his consonants where ever he wants. AMERICA! TRUCK NUTZ!!!!!

          • DustBowlBlues

            You forgot to add: also, it's about the jobs.

    • Callyson

      Possibly some Senate seats, as well:

      Keep it up, Tea Party, keep it up…

      • HistoriCat

        Let's hope so … because we are not getting shit done with the losers there now.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "John Boehner introduced bits of his plan to “tackle” all of these most important issues"

    Maybe we can get Roger Goodell to give Boehner a "death sentence" like he did to the New Orleans Saints.

  • pdiddycornchips

    I will reserve my opinion on this until we hear from Bristol Palin.

    • nounverb911

      She's out back in the tent with a lame duck in her mouth.

  • Of course, if when Obama wins the November election, he will veto shit like its poison, and substitute in free gay abortions for anyone living south of Virginny.

    • OneDollarJuana

      You forget that you're talking about Barack Obama, a right-of-center moderate Republican who has a silver tongue just when he needs it. I'm not holding my breath for the next 4 years. Maybe I should be stocking up on beer and bullets.

  • lulzmonger

    Oompa-Loompa Boehner: "This is the last position in government I will hold."

    TRANSLATION: Paint me like one of your French girls, Rupert!

  • gullywompr

    You know who else handed it off to Hitler?

    • nounverb911

      Tim Tebow?

      • As a Jets fan, God knows I don't want him passing to Mussolini in the flats.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Harry Weimar?

    • Lucidamente1

      Ernst Röhm?

    • widestanceromance

      Eva Braun?

      • bagofmice

        I think that was more of a 'taking it' relationship, unless by 'handed it off'… oh. I see what you did there.

    • Callyson

      Leni Riefenstahl?

  • elburritodeluxe


  • Baconzgood

    How stupid can he be? Doing the no-tax debt celing thing fucked him last year and that wasn't even an election year. Maybe people forgot about it when NASCAR season started but now….Not weeks before an election. Barry's to charismatic to have egg on his face on this one. Don't just pick your fights, pick when you fight.

    • HistoriCat

      Boehner has zero control over his caucus – he couldn't get those yahoos to do what he wanted if he waved lobbyist checks in their faces.

      • TootsStansbury

        I actually felt sorry for the oompa loompa.

        for about a nanosecond.

  • Lucidamente1

    Duck season.

    Wabbit season.

    I say it's duck season. And I say fire!

    • Negropolis

      Has anyone seen Cheney…DUCK!

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    …but how will we pay for the war in Iran?

    • nounverb911

      By selling Ohio to China?

      • Well, in fairness, not many would miss it.

      • widestanceromance

        Dream big, throw in the entire South for free (we'll buy them back one can of very tainted dog food at a time).

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Tax cuts, of course. Where you been for the last decade?

    • Callyson

      By giving the Iranian oil fields to ourselves–we broke it, we bought it. Or something like that…

  • SayItWithWookies

    All I want for Christmas is John Boehner's tears.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      80 proof.

  • MissTaken

    Worst game of duck, duck, goose ever.

  • prommie

    The GOP, they are like little children. Like the children in that book by Golding, Lord of the Flies.

    • The part of "Piggy" will be played by Sen. Mitch McConnell.


  • fuflans

    to be fair, they've done a damn fine job of making the country ungovernable.

    it's what they said they were going to do.

    • Yea, but I thought they meant that we'd all be these lovable scamps who cut class to play frisbee and still talk our way into passing grades on finals!

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      So what makes this a lame duck session, really? I mean, they've stagnated everything since early 2011. I can't make heads or tails out of it.

      • Well, the technical definition of a "lame duck" session is one after an election, but before the new Congress can be seated (so basically November and December in an election year).

        The term comes from England, where I believe bankers had to cripple ducks in order to feed poor families at Christmas dinner (j/k, bankers don't feed the poor!)

        • Generation[redacted]

          That's a common misunderstanding. After the election, but before the new Congress and President are sworn in, the government is in fact run by actual ducks recruited from the nearby reflecting pool. Ducks, of course, are entirely unsuited for political office as they get so mired in partisan bickering/quackering that they tend to break each others' legs/wings. And thus the tradition of the lame duck session was born.

          And now you know… the rest of the story.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Cliff Claven, is that you?

          • bagofmice

            In light of the icon, the only word I can utter is "Yup".

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I thought lame ducks were the crippled ducks that lined up at the door of Subway.

  • littlebigdaddy

    In fact this is good news. It will turn the budget from red to black overnight, with most of the cost borne by millionaires and the Pentagon. I'm cool with that!

  • SmutBoffin

    Greek Fascist Forearms 2012!

  • fuflans

    seems to me the real war on christmas is congress.

    i wish i was snarking.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I think you meant lame fucks.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      These lame ducks are just the same fucks who have been screwing us.

  • widestanceromance

    Me and Nancy need some quiet time for feel-so-good reuniting. I never tire of that giff.

  • fartknocker

    Carrot top with a suit will now drink some gin and lick the frumanda cheese off of Grover Norquist's balls. Hey John, any new legislation for employing Americans? Oh, that's right, you and your TeaTards are too fucking busy playing pin the tail on the asshole.

  • HeadsIWin

    Democrat morphing into Republican is so typical.

  • notreelyhelping

    Hmm. It kind of sounds like someone's expecting to get their ass handed to them. Like, we'll do it during the lame duck because we're sure as hell screwed after January.

  • bagofmice

    A lame duck, Cheney, and Scalia walk into a bar…

  • emmelemm

    That .GIF never gets old.

  • DahBoner

    Tax Cuts 4 Billionaires 4evah!!!! Never forget The 0.0000001%!!!!!!!

    Republican assholes being assholes…

  • Antispandex

    " Well, any votes “before the election” won’t matter except as political posturing (which is allowed!), "

    Thank god! I thought I would have to have to wait all the way until inauguration day for political posturing…or until the next President's "honeymoon" period is over. Same thing really, if Barry is elected.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I really wish that President Obama would start bringing up the issue of Red State socialism and point out to Boner and his buddies that when it comes to receiving federal monies that they're a bunch of goddamned hypocritical welfare queens. Make a speech asking why productive regions of the country such as California and Washington state, which give us airplanes, iPads and software should be penalized by having their tax dollars sent to non-productive regions of the country like South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, etc that are inhabited by lazy, stupid, ignorant, good-for-nothing no-load white conservative pieces of shit who have never contributed anything of value to America.

    • MissNancyPriss

      I KNOW!!!!

  • onemoretime79

    "And let’s not forget some solution to the previous debt ceiling deal’s major cuts to everything, forever, that are already in the pipeline lest a compromise can be found."

    Let's not and also. Let know one say they didn't see this coming. It's almost two dramatic for my words.

    Clearly, the President cannot wave a wand and force the issue. As I understand it, he doesn't have to. Let the cuts expire, and the automatic cuts begin. I fail to see Republicans' strategery on this issue. Then again that is par for the course for me.

  • ttommyunger

    Nice to see someone sticking up for the beleaguered one per-cent.

  • Negropolis

    Mitch McConnell made it crystal clear very, very early on that his number one goal was to deny the president a second term, so them pulling this shit again won't change many minds in either direction.

  • I actually think this is empty posturing if only because it would require Boehner to stick around and work.

Previous articleSenior Officials, K Street: Terrorist Group Is Nice Now, Everybody!
Next articleAmericans Elect Going The Way Of MySpace, Barack Obama Currently In Fourth Place