ON THE SCHEDULE  4:25 pm May 15, 2012

Congress To Finish Destroying Country During Lame Duck Session

by Jim Newell

Real footageYeah, we were there for “LAME DUCK ’10.” Time of our lives, man, time of our lives. The gays got their military, the U.S. and Russia decided not to nuke each other for another few years, some nutrition or FDA dongle was passed — it was a lot of congressional activity! (Also too, there was that gross tax cut deal, but nevermind that.) What mediocre mixture will we get out of this year’s lame-duck session? How about long overdue ANNIHILATION OF THE REPUBLIC! Because they’re planning on doing the Bush tax cuts and the debt ceiling, then. And let’s not forget some solution to the previous debt ceiling deal’s major cuts to everything, forever, that are already in the pipeline lest a compromise can be found. Can Congress please just admit that it’s not capable of solving all (or any) of this in the lame duck and hand it off to Hitler already, like the Germans did in the 30s? At least that guy could make decisions.

It is unusual to have the Bush tax cuts and the $1.2 trillion in across-the-board cuts and the breaching of the debt ceiling all come into play in the lame-duck session just after presidential and congressional elections, but that’s the legacy of our 112th Congress for you. John Boehner introduced bits of his plan to “tackle” all of these most important issues in a speech today at the rich guy who wants to destroy Social Security’s forum:

In addition to teeing up another debt limit fight for the lame duck session of Congress later this year, by demanding dollar-for-dollar budget cuts in exchange for new borrowing authority, House Speaker John Boehner also insists that regardless of the election outcome, Republicans will reject higher taxes on wealthy Americans in that fight.

And to build leverage for the GOP position, he announced Tuesday that House Republicans will pass legislation before the election to extend the Bush tax cuts indefinitely.

“What also doesn’t count as ‘cuts and reforms’ are tax increases,” Boehner will say before the annual Pete Peterson Fiscal Summit in Washington, DC, according to prepared remarks. “Any sudden tax hike would hurt our economy, so this fall – before the election – the House of Representatives will vote to stop the largest tax increase in American history.”

Well, any votes “before the election” won’t matter except as political posturing (which is allowed!), so that leaves it to the lame duck. The informal rules of etiquette would tell the 112th Congress to extend all deadlines a few months so as to let the next president and Congress deal with them, but — here’s a secret — there are no informal rules of etiquette anymore! So instead we will see INSANITY on Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve when we cannot pay attention, which is the only good part of this.

[TPM]

 

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{ 91 comments }

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Does anyone have a good recipe for dead lame duck?

Tundra Grifter May 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Have you been peekin'? At the duck.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I see what you do there. It gave me mallard aire…

Mumbletypeg May 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Just the same recipe our Congress has been laying on the table, only it's called "Blame Duck."
Tastes like Chicken.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm

No, but a good bottle of cold duck makes you forget you're a shitty cook

Maman May 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Ahh, cold duck. I got a bottle of that from my grandparents for my sweet 16.

Maman May 15, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Are the Mayans behind this clusterfuck?

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

My wife is so excited that the world ends on her birthday.

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Isn't that sweet that the ancient Mayans would honor her that way?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Are you sure about that? Cuz I could have sworn that last k'atun in the Dresden Codex said "continued on next pyramid"

Maman May 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Beats the other way Mayans "honored" people.

SorosBot May 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

That's a good election strategy Boner, make it clear that the Republicans' only priority is to make sure the super-rich never have to pay their fair share in taxes.

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Those Democratic campaign ads just keep on writing themselves.

boobookitteh May 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

They do. It remains to be seen if the Democrats will air them, however.

Millennial Malaise May 15, 2012 at 7:31 pm

"Largest Tax Increase in American History" And Rush Limbaugh won't stop repeating those words on his broadcast, days after the cuts are allowed to expire (cross your fingers!!). Unlikely to be factually true given who's saying it, but you know that doesn't matter to Teatards.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Well, that's all well and good, until Barack whups out his big 10 inch veto.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Heh. Mine's bigger.

Dashboard Buddha May 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

You know what they say about fellas that have a bit veto, don't you?

elburritodeluxe May 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

OK, so the wealthiest Americans are not going to contribute to our country's coffers when it's in need. But they are going to invest in millions of dollars in inaccurate, inflammatory attack ads to support Republicans. And isn't that just as good?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Nothing spreads the wealth like giving money to rich white ad execs.

valthemus May 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm

They're injecting hundreds of millions of dollars into the economy which helps make the president look good. Irony?

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Anything they didn't lose in credit default swaps, sure.

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Dear Tea-Party Freshmen,

Thanks for fucking this country, having your heads up your asses, and droping 48 House seats in our laps in November.

Fingers crossed,

The Progressives of The United States of America

fuflans May 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

man i wish you may be prescient.

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 4:54 pm

It's not hard to forsee. No Tarrot cards needed. I'm no political insider, but if he pulls this shit in October of this year…it will be a colossal destruction for the GOP. Like Mccarthy. Hell, he might even lose his own seat.

bagofmice May 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It's "Dropping" and "Tarot". Git yer dubble consonants right, baconz!

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Baconz puts his consonants where ever he wants. AMERICA! TRUCK NUTZ!!!!!

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Possibly some Senate seats, as well:
http://www.courierpress.com/news/2012/may/15/no-h

Keep it up, Tea Party, keep it up…

HistoriCat May 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Let's hope so … because we are not getting shit done with the losers there now.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

"John Boehner introduced bits of his plan to “tackle” all of these most important issues"

Maybe we can get Roger Goodell to give Boehner a "death sentence" like he did to the New Orleans Saints.

pdiddycornchips May 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I will reserve my opinion on this until we hear from Bristol Palin.

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 4:37 pm

She's out back in the tent with a lame duck in her mouth.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:42 pm

She's a good doggie.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Of course, if when Obama wins the November election, he will veto shit like its poison, and substitute in free gay abortions for anyone living south of Virginny.

OneDollarJuana May 15, 2012 at 4:52 pm

You forget that you're talking about Barack Obama, a right-of-center moderate Republican who has a silver tongue just when he needs it. I'm not holding my breath for the next 4 years. Maybe I should be stocking up on beer and bullets.

lulzmonger May 15, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Oompa-Loompa Boehner: "This is the last position in government I will hold."

TRANSLATION: Paint me like one of your French girls, Rupert!

gullywompr May 15, 2012 at 4:36 pm

You know who else handed it off to Hitler?

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Tim Tebow?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

As a Jets fan, God knows I don't want him passing to Mussolini in the flats.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Harry Weimar?

Lucidamente1 May 15, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Ernst Röhm?

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Eva Braun?

bagofmice May 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I think that was more of a 'taking it' relationship, unless by 'handed it off'… oh. I see what you did there.

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Leni Riefenstahl?

elburritodeluxe May 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

assbortion?

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

How stupid can he be? Doing the no-tax debt celing thing fucked him last year and that wasn't even an election year. Maybe people forgot about it when NASCAR season started but now….Not weeks before an election. Barry's to charismatic to have egg on his face on this one. Don't just pick your fights, pick when you fight.

HistoriCat May 15, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Boehner has zero control over his caucus – he couldn't get those yahoos to do what he wanted if he waved lobbyist checks in their faces.

TootsStansbury May 15, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I actually felt sorry for the oompa loompa.

for about a nanosecond.

Lucidamente1 May 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Duck season.

Wabbit season.

I say it's duck season. And I say fire!

Negropolis May 16, 2012 at 12:37 am

Has anyone seen Cheney…DUCK!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ May 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

…but how will we pay for the war in Iran?

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

By selling Ohio to China?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Well, in fairness, not many would miss it.

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Dream big, throw in the entire South for free (we'll buy them back one can of very tainted dog food at a time).

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Tax cuts, of course. Where you been for the last decade?

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

By giving the Iranian oil fields to ourselves–we broke it, we bought it. Or something like that…

SayItWithWookies May 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

All I want for Christmas is John Boehner's tears.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ May 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

80 proof.

MissTaken May 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Worst game of duck, duck, goose ever.

prommie May 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

The GOP, they are like little children. Like the children in that book by Golding, Lord of the Flies.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The part of "Piggy" will be played by Sen. Mitch McConnell.

valthemus May 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Think of it this way: MORE TEA PARTY BATSHITTERY ON C-SPAN!! HUZZAH!

fuflans May 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

to be fair, they've done a damn fine job of making the country ungovernable.

it's what they said they were going to do.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Yea, but I thought they meant that we'd all be these lovable scamps who cut class to play frisbee and still talk our way into passing grades on finals!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ May 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

So what makes this a lame duck session, really? I mean, they've stagnated everything since early 2011. I can't make heads or tails out of it.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Well, the technical definition of a "lame duck" session is one after an election, but before the new Congress can be seated (so basically November and December in an election year).

The term comes from England, where I believe bankers had to cripple ducks in order to feed poor families at Christmas dinner (j/k, bankers don't feed the poor!)

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

That's a common misunderstanding. After the election, but before the new Congress and President are sworn in, the government is in fact run by actual ducks recruited from the nearby reflecting pool. Ducks, of course, are entirely unsuited for political office as they get so mired in partisan bickering/quackering that they tend to break each others' legs/wings. And thus the tradition of the lame duck session was born.

And now you know… the rest of the story.

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Cliff Claven, is that you?

bagofmice May 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

In light of the icon, the only word I can utter is "Yup".

Dashboard Buddha May 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I thought lame ducks were the crippled ducks that lined up at the door of Subway.

littlebigdaddy May 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

In fact this is good news. It will turn the budget from red to black overnight, with most of the cost borne by millionaires and the Pentagon. I'm cool with that!

SmutBoffin May 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Greek Fascist Forearms 2012!

fuflans May 15, 2012 at 4:51 pm

seems to me the real war on christmas is congress.

i wish i was snarking.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I think you meant lame fucks.

Dashboard Buddha May 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

These lame ducks are just the same fucks who have been screwing us.

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Me and Nancy need some quiet time for feel-so-good reuniting. I never tire of that giff.

fartknocker May 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Carrot top with a suit will now drink some gin and lick the frumanda cheese off of Grover Norquist's balls. Hey John, any new legislation for employing Americans? Oh, that's right, you and your TeaTards are too fucking busy playing pin the tail on the asshole.

HeadsIWin May 15, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Democrat morphing into Republican is so typical.

notreelyhelping May 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Hmm. It kind of sounds like someone's expecting to get their ass handed to them. Like, we'll do it during the lame duck because we're sure as hell screwed after January.

bagofmice May 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

A lame duck, Cheney, and Scalia walk into a bar…

MilwaukeeKent May 15, 2012 at 10:52 pm

And only Cheney walks out.

emmelemm May 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

That .GIF never gets old.

DahBoner May 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Tax Cuts 4 Billionaires 4evah!!!! Never forget The 0.0000001%!!!!!!!

Republican assholes being assholes…

Antispandex May 15, 2012 at 6:06 pm

" Well, any votes “before the election” won’t matter except as political posturing (which is allowed!), "

Thank god! I thought I would have to have to wait all the way until inauguration day for political posturing…or until the next President's "honeymoon" period is over. Same thing really, if Barry is elected.

Wile E. Quixote May 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I really wish that President Obama would start bringing up the issue of Red State socialism and point out to Boner and his buddies that when it comes to receiving federal monies that they're a bunch of goddamned hypocritical welfare queens. Make a speech asking why productive regions of the country such as California and Washington state, which give us airplanes, iPads and software should be penalized by having their tax dollars sent to non-productive regions of the country like South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, etc that are inhabited by lazy, stupid, ignorant, good-for-nothing no-load white conservative pieces of shit who have never contributed anything of value to America.

MissNancyPriss May 15, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I KNOW!!!!

onemoretime79 May 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

"And let’s not forget some solution to the previous debt ceiling deal’s major cuts to everything, forever, that are already in the pipeline lest a compromise can be found."

Let's not and also. Let know one say they didn't see this coming. It's almost two dramatic for my words.

Clearly, the President cannot wave a wand and force the issue. As I understand it, he doesn't have to. Let the cuts expire, and the automatic cuts begin. I fail to see Republicans' strategery on this issue. Then again that is par for the course for me.

ttommyunger May 15, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Nice to see someone sticking up for the beleaguered one per-cent.

Negropolis May 16, 2012 at 12:40 am

Mitch McConnell made it crystal clear very, very early on that his number one goal was to deny the president a second term, so them pulling this shit again won't change many minds in either direction.

glamourdammerung May 16, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I actually think this is empty posturing if only because it would require Boehner to stick around and work.

DustBowlBlues May 15, 2012 at 6:46 pm

You forgot to add: also, it's about the jobs.

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