To Serve ManEveryone hates Moon Empress and Lizardoid “V” Queen Callista Gingrich, this is not “news.” But why? Wonkette’s own Jim Newell explained she has never done anything to anyone (we guess Jim forgot about Newt’s second wife) and is not even running for anything so what who cayuhs. Well, Cenk [Last Name] of The Young Turks apparently does, that’s who, and put together a nightmare video, after the jump.

[The Young Turks]

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  • WVUer21


    • pdiddycornchips

      "Everyone hates Moon Empress and Lizardoid “V” Queen Callista Gingrich, this is not “news.” But why? "

      Because she married an obnoxious blowhard for fame and fortune and now wants us to believe she's June Cleaver. The Beav's mom did not have a 500k expense account at Tiffany's.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        Yeah, they won't say it, but it's the whole home-wrecking thing. The fear of a younger bimbo not inundated with kids and bills and stress, just coming in & hopping on your man's dick is something that tends to tick women off when that actually happens.

        • Veritas78

          In fairness to Callista, she didn't just come in and hop on Newt's dick. I'm sure a GPS was involved.

      • vtxmcrider

        Nor did June Cleaver engage in a multi-year adulterous relationship while portraying herself as a disgustingly pious Catholic.

  • Why does her hair not move so?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Aqua-Net. It's a helluva drug.

      • That is a 1982's worth of Aqua-Net in Texas

    • LettucePrey

      Obviously, a gay stylist hates her, somwhere.

    • Inchhigh

      Palm Springs crash helmet, dahling

    • There's Something About Callista, obvs.

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Newt kicked the other ones. I guess it was her turn.

    • Newt probably appreciated her cunning stunt

      • OneDollarJuana

        I bet she can open her mouth as wide as her eyes.

        • Boojum_Reborn

          Yes, snakes can unhinge their jaws.

        • Which seems like an awful big waste of open mouth, considering who her husband is

  • Can you imagine being the videographer trying to work out the light metering between Pasty Face and the Red Rider?

  • Barb

    Socialism is defined as an economic form where the government controls the means of production. Newt Gingrich says he'll stop oil imports and force the oil companies to use American oil and charge no more than $2.50 per gallon of gasoline. My friends, Newt Gingrich is a Socialist.

    • emmelemm

      Words. How do they work?

    • CommieLibunatic

      J'accuse, Gingrich!!

    • That's a pretty big stretch assuming that US Americans understand the meanings of words.

    • GreatChristiano

      Yeah, yeah, but we won't need to worry about that…

    • Chichikovovich

      Sophistry! Why that's not socialism any more than Sarah Palin sending every Alaskan a check for thousands each year for their cut of the fees from drilling in the state oil fields is socialism.

    • Yeah, and why $2.50?! Why not $2.25?! Oh, because it's COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC AND CYNICAL TO BEGIN WITH? Okey-doke.

      • Chichikovovich

        I'm going to run for President as the nominee of the "Natural Born American" party. (Somebody with photoshop skills get to work on a counterfeit birth certificate, stat!" )

        Unlike that piker Newt, my administration will see to it that people are paid
        $1 for every litre gallon of free gas they pump into their vehicles. Who's with me?

        • Barb

          You've got my vote!

        • You sure have got a commie name, though, fella.

        • Negropolis

          Well, you already lost half the white vote naming a party that will have the initials "NBA".

  • SorosBot

    Now that gay marriage is legal in some states, they're allowing amphibian/avian marriage too – dammit Santorum was right!

  • Slim_Pickins

    Trophy wife, maybe Newt will age out.

    • elgin_pelican

      To the Aztecs, a severed human head was a trophy. So I will allow your usage.

  • Hey, Rmoney eats guinea pigs, too.

    That's what Reptiloids do, sheeple!

    • OneDollarJuana

      Hey, Peruvians eat guinea pigs! Does that mean Romney is a Peruvian? Show us the birf certifikat!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I guess we know now that Mrs. Rmoney swallows rather than spits.

  • she's a friend of a family friend, which I believe makes me a monster.

    • GhostBuggy

      GET OUT.

      Nah, I'm just joshing you.

    • Chichikovovich

      It's not too late to get another family.

      • Yea, friends are cheap, souls not so much

  • Sassomatic

    They tried to put her in the wax museum, but the wax doll kept coming out un-realistically life-like.

  • Hillary Clinton would be President now if she could make her hair do that.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Either President, or an astronaut.

    • Veritas78

      Donald Trump can, and he isn't President.

  • LabRodent

    What things I can do to her that start with the letter "F".

    • Finger her nostrils?
      Floss her radiant teeth?
      Foist fake Tiffany jewelry on her?
      Finagle a terrifying but strangely wondrous blowjob out of her (see Tiffany)?
      French-kiss her knee-pits?
      Fibrillate her hair?

    • Chichikovovich


    • Lascauxcaveman

      Forget her? (Soon, one hopes.)

    • tessiee

      Finagle a lunch invitation, just to watch her rip apart a rodent with her beak and talons…
      On second thought, you probably shouldn't do that.

    • Fart on her?

    • Negropolis


    • vtxmcrider


  • iburl

    Nice full-on-Kabuki ending.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Her ratings are probably low because she bumped Newt's ugly while it was technically un-bumpable.Gargh. Time for brain bleach.

    • Gleem McShineys


  • chascates

    Holy Moley, she's sounds irritating as hell! Hell must be a Pacific airline flight seated between Callista and Sarah Palin.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      "No Exit"

      • That's when you reach up for the oxygen mask and strangle yourself with the tubing

      • dadanarchist

        "Please, God, Open the Emergency Exit"

    • Steverino247

      Room for one more, honey! (Twilight Zone reference…)

    • Chichikovovich

      That's when you start looking out the window hoping to see a gremlin on the wing.

      (Edit: Speaking of twilight zone references…)

      • Isyaignert

        Haha – I remember that episode – it scared the cr@p out of me as a kid. Good stuff!!

      • Biff

        That was Shatner's big break. And yesterday was his 81st birthday.

    • tessiee

      The flight attendants are Roseanne Barr and Bobcat Goldthwaite.
      The pilot is Gilbert Gottfried.
      The in-flight movie is anything with Jim Carrey and/or Adam Sandler.
      And there are no parachutes.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        Sartre has nothing on you.

      • Isyaignert

        Great list; maybe we can work Fran Drescher (with a sinus infection) in somewhere, also, too.

    • DCBloom

      Snakes on a Plane

    • Negropolis

      There's a Gremlin on the wing. OMG! Now they're on the plane!

  • PhilippePetain

    Cylons are people, my friends.

    • dijetlo

      Cylon ref +1

    • Guppy

      Woe be unto us the day they actually figure out how to make one look convincingly human…

  • James Michael Curley

    Newt, Newt,
    He's our man,
    If he can't do it,
    Ipecac can.

  • StarsUponThars

    Why is Delta Burke sucking the brains out of a guinea pig?

  • MissTaken

    Callista reminds me of the freaky clown doll in Poltergeist. Or of the creepy blond girl who had the freaky clown doll. Either way, creepy and freaky.

    • She reminds me of Callista Gingrich. /shudder/

    • SorosBot

      They're he-ere! She was creepy; but also makes me sad considering how that little girl died in real life.

      • MissTaken

        My friends' daughter looks exactly like her. I'm always worried I'm gonna make some comment about it and piss them off.

        • SorosBot

          My one cousin's daughter looks almost just like her too; at least she doesn't act creepy.

    • THAT'S IT!

      That's where I've seen her before!

      No, not Poltergeist…Killer Klowns From Outer Space!

      • Chichikovovich

        Excellent! I don't think that's the last time we'll be seeing that image in this neighborhood.

        Callista look-alikes clearly form what Wittgenstein called a property determined by a "family resemblance". Both the Killer Klown and the Martian Girl look like Callista, but the KK and the MG don't resemble each other in the slightest.

        (Martian Girl:)

    • Loaded_Pants

      Poltergeist II. Julian Beck as the Rev. creeped the hell out of me.

  • ElPinche

    She's almost human-like. IBM does amazing work.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "He gets in and out." I'm hoping she's referring to the pool boy, Enrico.

    • Chichikovovich

      Can't be. Enrico brings staying power to his off-the-books domestic duties.

  • Schmannnity

    Look, if she has no self-respect, why should we?

  • smashedinhat

    “Is it because he’s married to Newt Gingrich?” Jayar asks. “It might be because we’re scared of her.”

    Terrified is a better description. Those soulless eyes!

  • C_R_Eature

    No matter how advanced they make these Replicants, they still give me the willies.

  • RadioStalingrad

    The Original Gangsta Stepford Wife.

  • GreatChristiano

    Never trust anyone named "Callista."

    Doesn't she have 1001 dalmation puppies, BTW???

    • Chichikovovich

      Now that you mention it, her maiden name was De Vil.

      All, right, all right, ….. But it ought to have been.

      • GreatChristiano

        Yeah, something like "Cruella???"…

    • tessiee

      I think you're thinking of Cruella DeVille — but now that I think about it, I have my doubts about Callista Flockhart, too.

  • Callyson

    Jesus, how much Botox can be injected into one face?

    • If you stripped her of all the botox and hairspray, she could be buried in a matchbox.

  • dadanarchist

    I don't recommend kicking a Callista when its down. It converts whore diamonds into a rigid, glassy exoskeleton and a misplaced kick could result in broken bones.

  • BarackMyWorld

    The Stepford Wife, Cylon, and Blade Runner jokes were already made? Damn it!

    • Extemporanus

      Hollywood Montrose wept.

  • Fembots do have feelings you know.

  • SorosBot

    "He gets in and out" – ugh, we don't want to hear about that, Callista.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    She hasn't pecked Newt's eyes out of their sockets yet?

    • vtxmcrider

      She has certainly pecked the pecker that has pecked her.

  • behold: freshmen at George Mason (proud home to the world's most libertarian wing-nutty econ faculty) present saner analysis of contemporary events than legitimate contenders to the white house and their wingnut spouses…

    plus, lizard people

  • Goonemeritus

    She and Newt deserve each other and I think they may have some down time soon so that will be nice for them.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I hope Newt and Soonerverander* Gingrich fade into the sunset now. Unfortunately it's probably going to be like exiling Napoleon on Elba — they misjudged the amount of water needed to keep him away for good.

    (* You know — Newt's frozen concoction that helps him hang on).

  • James Michael Curley

    But Zeus turned her into a bear.

  • Steverino247

    I want you to go down to Gingrich for President headquarters and put a Voight-Kampff machine on Callista…

    Why do they risk it? Sucking some asshole's cock.

    You tell me, buddy.

  • stncmchnc

    Can I please have a q-q-quarter? You want me to give you a quarter so you can masturbate in front of my child? Yeah! Apologies to McKinney and Foley.

  • Wilcoxyz

    If I were a Tiffany-driven bot like that, I'd get real friendly with Mitt at the convention. You never know when Newt might get cancer or Ann might fall off a horse.

    • Isyaignert

      Don't know if she'd go for the whole Mormon thing – Catholics like to party!!

  • KennyFuckingPowers

    Judging by the look on her face, she found Newt's gerbil stash.

  • Extemporanus

    Today, we all have been in a Turkish prison.

  • I guess you can't post links in the comments.

    Anyway, do a YouTube search for "Kids in the Hall chicken lady date." I think Callista is what they were going for with the chicken lady makeup.

    • Of course you can post links in the comments!

      • A little investigating reveals that it wasn't the link, it was the use of a certain word, that in ancient Hebrew would look something like rtrd, and which is a not very nice way to describe one of Sarah Palin's children, and which I used to describe the chicken lady's farm boy father.

        So, anyway, here's Callista in an old Kids in the Hall sketch:

  • macv507

    I saw her years ago when she played Chicken Lady on the Kids in the Hall.

  • rickmaci

    How does a woman who barely utters a word on the campaign circuit end up with a 44 percent negative? That 7th Commandment karma must be more powerful than I would ever have considered. Ghost of Happy Rockefeller, huh?

    • Tide comes in. Tide goes out. Who can explain it?

  • pinkocommi

    Callista…. Wasn't she that skinny girl on Ally McBeal? She hasn't aged well.

    • SorosBot

      Well both are fucking men much older than they are; but then Han Solo is a hell of a lot cooler than Newt.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Well, Newt was almost right – she is a cunning, cunning stunt…..except for the cunning part…

  • mavenmaven

    First Lady-bot

  • DemonicRage

    Newt has pointedly pointed out her likeness (in his mind) to style icon Jacqueline Kennedy. Does that mean that after Newt croaks, she is going to surprise us all by marrying a Greek shipping tycoon? Are there any Greek shipping tycoons any more, or is that whole blighted country in the toilet bowl?

  • Beowoof

    I understand she has been programmed to suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Wife two was gone after that innovation.

  • tessiee

    "Everyone hates Moon Empress and Lizardoid “V” Queen Callista Gingrich,"

    This is a damn lie.
    I do not hate Callista Gingrich.
    I am completely indifferent to Callista Gingrich.
    This is true even on the rare occasions when I remember she exists.

  • stncmchnc

    Chicken Lady at the mall you tube.

  • ttommyunger

    Amoral Cunts are people too, my friend.

  • YouBetcha

    How can this woman be only 45 years old? How can this be? This can't be possible. I demand to see a birth certificate.

  • Veritas78

    What are the odds that this jism-slut has already blown Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor?

  • DahBoner

    If she is a "trophy wife", the trophy wasn't for First Place…

  • I think if you take her wig off, her head actually resembles that of an alien in Alien Nation.

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