GOVERNMENT TEATS  10:34 am March 20, 2012

Chuck Norris Has Had It Up to Here With Wastrel Layabout Obama Voters on Teevee Program ‘Judge Judy’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Don't nobody mess with Judge JudyDo you know who is to blame for the lazy shiftless blah man being sued by his ex-girlfriend for being a wastrel and a layabout? We will give you one hint: It is President Foodstamps, Barack Obama. This man gets $22,000 a year from the feds to pay his college tuition (although Chuck Norris would like to remind you the man seems terribly uneducated, and probably can’t even cut and paste columns for rightwing nutjob websites), and he gets unemployment monies “earmarked” for rent? (We were not aware of that unemployment program, but apparently Minnesota is awesome.) And he is a total cad, which you can watch for yourself, as it is true. But really, isn’t it true of all Obama voters, Chuck Norris? Yes, it is true of all Obama voters.

That defendant reminded me of the woman four years ago who was excited to explain to a Florida news crew why she voted for then-Sen. Obama: “I won’t have to worry about putting gas in my car. I won’t have to worry about paying my mortgage. … He’s going to help me!”

Blah blah blah racist thing racist thing, and scene.


[American Family Association]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 100 comments }

Barb March 20, 2012 at 10:36 am

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Native_of_SL_UT March 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back in the head. (Which he has obviously done a lot.)

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

Chuck Norris was originally cast in Mission Impossible but the title would have been stupid. Nothing is impossible for Chuck Norris…..Except thinking.

Bezoar March 20, 2012 at 11:08 am

Chuck Norris doesn't swim; he just beats the water until it takes him where he wants to go.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

Chuck Norris died twenty years ago. Death's just been too scared to collect him.

SolitaireRose March 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Chuck Norris is considered a celebrity even though he never made a movie worth watching and his TV was probably just a long joke by Conan O'Brian. That's the only Chuck Norris fact I know. The rest are all silly bullshit.

Barb March 20, 2012 at 10:38 am

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth then boils it with his rage

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 10:46 am

Chuck Norris doesn't drink coffee! Coffee is for little girls! Chuck Norris drinks lava!

LabRodent March 20, 2012 at 10:38 am

What would you call Chuck Norris if he was blah?

Barb March 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

Mr T.

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

Nah, Mr. T is much cooler than the pathetic Chuck Norris – I pity the fool.

doloras March 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

One time, Mr T tried to throw Chuck Norris at exactly the same time Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse-kick Mr T. The resulting paradox blew them both into a parallel universe, where Chuck Norris now does adverts for Snickers and Mr T is a wingnut website columnist.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 10:42 am

Washington Norris

Chillatte March 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

His first name is actually Carlos, so there.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 10:46 am

Morpheus.
"I know kung fu."
"Show me."

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 10:49 am

Dolomite.

doloras March 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Some folks say that Willie Green was the baddest motherfucker ever seen…

SexySmurf March 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

A wastrel and a layabout?

Ruhe March 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

Norris, Damn! That's a Kentucky/Tennessee border joke. Sorry for the obscurity.

Crank_Tango March 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

A Nobama voter?

Arken March 20, 2012 at 11:23 am

Herman Cain.

NorthStarSpanx March 20, 2012 at 11:49 am

An extra?

Rayn_And March 20, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Chuck Noiris

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

“I won’t have to worry about putting gas in my car. I won’t have to worry about paying my mortgage. … He’s going to help me!”

Isn't that what all the government contractors said about GWBush when we invaded Iraq?

RadioStalingrad March 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

And Judge Judy will be Obama's next SCOTUS appointee.

Designer_Rants March 20, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Nah, too empathetic.

Maman March 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Oh, Chuck Norris… Judge Judy isn't real life… its a freak show. Like Celebrity Apprentice.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

Or a Chuck Norris infomercial

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 12:20 pm

…or Chuck.

Chillatte March 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Can't wait for Chuck's insight on the Jerry Springer Show.

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 10:45 am

What do the paternity tests on Maury have to say about Obama?

Designer_Rants March 20, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Full-on Kenyan, natch.

crybabyboehner March 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Fine, but what does Kid Rock have to say about it?

Native_of_SL_UT March 20, 2012 at 10:41 am

Superfly.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

"man being sued by his ex-girlfriend for being a wastrel and a layabout?"

I think someone needs to explain to the ex-girlfriend that the purpose of frivolous lawsuits is to target someone that has something worth getting, in a settlement. She's obviously doing it wrong.

CivicHoliday March 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

Never before in the history of Judge Judy or Maury or any other crappy daytime TV show has there been trashy black folk yapping at each other about money or babies. History began with Obama. Oh, and also there are never any trashy white people on those shows doing the exact same bullshit.

BaldarTFlagass March 20, 2012 at 10:49 am

Geraldo taking a face-chair from neo-Nazi skinheads for the win!!

PuckStopsHere March 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

Chuck Norris watches Judge Freaking Judy? Now that's macho.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

It does come on after his "stories".

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 1:25 pm

wth… that was not here when I posted.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Something I have to remind myself of too often is to F5…

comrad_darkness March 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Any authoritarian in a pinch.

EmileZoloft March 21, 2012 at 12:37 am

He's pitching a show where he joins her: Judge Judy And Executioner I'll just show myself out then

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

Just because Lew Alcindor kicked Bruce Lee's ass and you didn't is no reason to hate the blahs, Chuck

Gratuitous World March 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

I believe the first 2 bills Obamerr signed were Lily Ledbetter + the Judge Judy For Freedom Act, where treble damages were to be paid by the Fed. govt to all the parties involved – after 1% fake judge took her cut of course.

also, what kind of freeloading "American" is home during the work day to watch Judge Judy? Must be some sort of unemployed actor. Get a real job, asshole!

TanzbodenKoenig March 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

You know who else was so racist he would grasp at any straw, no matter how thin, in an attempt to paint our President in a bad light simply because of his race?

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

Joseph Farah?

LetUsBray March 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

The entire Republican party?

Limeylizzie March 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

Louis Gohmert?

Gleem McShineys March 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Chuck Norris' ghost writer?

HelmutNewton March 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

All of them, Katie!

swordfis March 20, 2012 at 6:28 pm

c'est un embarras de richesses

SorosBot March 20, 2012 at 10:46 am

Thank you so much, Ronald Reagan, for giving us the racist "welfare mothers" meme, and all you fellow bigots who have continued this bullshit.

LesBontemps March 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

I understand they make better lovers. (Some Canadian told me.)

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 10:50 am

One of the IT guys is named Chuck and every time I see him in the halls I say "It's up-chuck" in such a manner it sounds like "S'up Chuck".

BornInATrailer March 20, 2012 at 10:57 am

OMG, that's you!?

Tundra Grifter March 20, 2012 at 11:43 am

$10,000 says he never heard that before.

FROTHY March 20, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I bet your system's always going down, and IT doesn't know why.

DaRooster March 20, 2012 at 10:51 am

For the record-
I got a Total Gym based on my friend Ron's recommendation… not 'cuz of Chuck Norris.

And it is the best piece of equipment I have had.
I just had to come clean

freakishlywrong March 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

I voted for Obama. Asshole. And I have bootstraps longer than your dick. So fuck you.

Jus_Wonderin March 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

I agree. I'd like to have him say this stuff to my face. Then, I boot/strap his face.

Biff March 20, 2012 at 11:54 am

Tae Kwon Leap! Boot to the head!

Doktor StrangeZoom March 20, 2012 at 10:53 am

Wait, you mean to say that there are people behaving badly on a syndicated television show? Dismantling all social programs will surely bring an end to this outrage!

Doktor StrangeZoom March 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

"I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends – apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?"

No sir. They write for the AFA blog.

SexySmurf March 20, 2012 at 10:59 am

I got a Chuck Norris joke: Why does Chuck Norris watch judge shows?

Because he's unemployed.

Gleem McShineys March 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I pretty much assumed that only layabout wastrels watched daytime teevee, like Judge Judy.

Good to know I was right.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ March 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

Chewbacca has a new attorney. His name is Chuck Norris.

Baconzgood March 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

CHUCK NORRIS MEME JOKES FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!

spends2much March 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

Ah, remember the good old days, everyone? Before January 20, 2009, there were NO lazy morons, no one on food stamps, and certainly no TV shows where losers sued one another. Oh, wait, The People's Court started in 1981… Doesn't that make Saint Ronnie to blame?

Biff March 20, 2012 at 11:59 am

Well, he certainly invented the welfare mother/buck/Cadillac meme…
Not to mention supplying crack to inner city youth…

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

I think they should just turn the welfares into daytime television. Who wouldn't want to watch the poorz compete against each other for the chance to spin a giant wheel and guess the price of Reynolds wrap all in order to win a lovely prize package consisting of a 21 inch color tv, a 1987 Chevy cavalier and a years supply of spam.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 20, 2012 at 11:06 am

Meanwhile, back on planet earth: How Obama tried to sell out liberalism in 2011

Okay, so the Republicans were demanding big tax cuts for the rich — lower income tax rates, and keeping in place the tax breaks that most benefit the rich, thereby insuring that the burden of any higher revenue would fall on the non-rich.

Obama, incredibly, agreed to that — he agreed to a debt reduction plan that would exempt the wealthy from any sacrifice, and indeed protect them from the possibility that their tax rates would rise when the Bush tax cuts expire.

By former Obama Cheerleader Jonathan Chait

~

Limeylizzie March 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

I read that and there was nothing new in it.

imissopus March 20, 2012 at 7:07 pm

LL, some people just can't resist an opportunity to slag on Hopey for not being the liberal he never was in the first place. And by "opportunity" I mean "being awake and having a functioning connection to the Internet."

Limeylizzie March 20, 2012 at 7:18 pm

It really makes me crazy, this election could go either way and as a proud possessor of a vagina and assorted other bits and bobs, I am fearful of what the Republicans can do if they win. On the other hand… http://www.predictwise.com/politics/2012president

Bezoar March 20, 2012 at 11:29 am

I read it too, and while it may not include much or anything that is new, it remains troubling. As in, WTF? Where is our liberal champion?

doloras March 20, 2012 at 5:42 pm

He's in Caracas, having just come back from cancer treatment in Cuba.

Limeylizzie March 20, 2012 at 11:09 am

OT Just announced on MSNBC that a Grand Jury will investigate Trayvon Martin's death.

Designer_Rants March 20, 2012 at 11:27 am

Possible Justice by Public Outrage, just as the founding fathers intended.

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Aboutfuckingtime!

oldedinvn March 20, 2012 at 11:09 am

Umerikun expection something. we',re number one.
Even if the rest of the world believe that Umerika is unexceptionably stupid.
We number something. Damn, I got that number right here on my fingers.

weej_bain March 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

Everyone should Keith Moon their teevees.

actor212 March 20, 2012 at 11:15 am

Hm, I think I see a K-Lo/Jonah Goldberg kind of confluence here…you two kids!

jakegittes March 20, 2012 at 11:16 am

[Snark off] It's none of heroner, Judge Judy's fucking business as to the source of the defendant's money. Her inquiry into this area is nothing more than pure unadulterated patronization of the right. Heroner should only have inquired as to the nature of the oral agreement between the plaintiff and the defendant concerning the payment of the rent. Whether or not the defendant engaged in some form of fraud against the government is a different issue and certainly not an issue within Judge Judy's jurisdiction. So, she should have just shut the fuck up.

Of course, I don't expect Judge Judy to ever make a principled legal decision about anything. That's why she's on teevee, probably having thoroughly failed as an attorney and as a jurist in real life. I don't watch her and never have and only make this commentary because the Wonkette put this piece of shit video up in front of God and everybody. But seriously. Judge Judy engaged in nothing more than whoring to her sponsors, to her overlords, and to what probably is the vast majority of her audience sitting on their asses with nothing better to do than watch Judge Judy.

Fuck her.

Designer_Rants March 20, 2012 at 11:25 am

Walker: Texas Butt Plug

GreatChristiano March 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

Its free money (!), ya know what I'm sayin'?…

JustPixelz March 20, 2012 at 11:29 am

I swear to Buddha that just before I voted for Dubya in 2000, I said "I won't have to worry about terrorism. His tax cuts will decrease the deficit. Our service men and women will not be sent to war to resolve his Oedipal issues." And you can quote me on that Chucky Cheesebrain!

Tundra Grifter March 20, 2012 at 11:45 am

Chuck Norris should stop getting his tv show recommendations from Chuck Grassley.

Redhead March 20, 2012 at 11:52 am

Chuck Norris doesn't use his brain – he karate-chopped it already.

NorthStarSpanx March 20, 2012 at 11:53 am

You and gamers are what is wrong with society giving this bearded creep a platform. Also.

I had the decency to buy a knock-off. Merika!

Biff March 20, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Didn't Chuckie join forces with that douche sheriff arpaio to fuck over Messicans, or build a dang fence, or something?

jakegittes March 20, 2012 at 12:33 pm

With theme music by William Hung and the Hung Jury.

DahBoner March 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Chuck Norris doesn't need a remote.

He changes what's on TV just by staring at it, like my cat…

owhatever March 20, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Chuck Norris: When Judge Judy enters your life, you know your career is ovah…

GregComlish March 20, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Judge Judy reminds me of a cantankerous white woman I knew in 2008 who endorsed McCain because she thought he would get her Maalox federally subsidized.

swordfis March 20, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Is it ok if I don't give a flying fuck about either Chuck Norris or Judge Judy?

ttommyunger March 21, 2012 at 12:25 pm

1. Wifey LUVS her some Judge Judy. 2. Judge Judy makes about $40 Mil a year-no shit. 3. I think Judge Judy's dick is bigger than Chucky's (but then, who's isn't?). 4. Rave on, Chuckles; beat up on little old ladies with lace collars and the poors….way to pick your fights, big guy.

Jus_Wonderin March 20, 2012 at 10:57 am

"Indeed!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

We'd have to do it gradually. Start out as family feud and tickle fights, move to arm wrestling competitions and fear factor type stuff ( I hate that show), and pretty soon we end up with thunderdome.

Designer_Rants March 20, 2012 at 11:29 am

2 POORS ENTER! 1 POOR LEAVES!

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