UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTHS  8:57 am February 27, 2012

Mitt Romney: I’m Not A NASCAR Buff, Just Friends With ‘Team Owners’

by Kaia Mursi

Richie Rich over here just cannot stop reminding everyone that he’s a special and obscenely wealthy snowflake. Mitt won’t be watching the Daytona 500, if it ever happens, ’cause he’s not a huge racing fan but HAHAHA some of his best friends do own racing teams, he quickly jostles to add for some damn reason. Could these team owners maybe get M.I.T.T. a new pit crew, to do a little much needed maintenance, oh, and maybe also to ‘accidentally’ disable the vocal apparatus? That would be really friendly of them!

From the Huffington Post:

After spending much of the week in Michigan defending his opposition to the 2008 auto bailout, Mitt Romney got acquainted with a different side of the car industry during a visit to Florida’s Daytona International Speedway.

Asked Sunday if he follows racing Romney replied, “Not as closely as some of the most ardent fans, but I have some friends who are NASCAR team owners,” the AP reports.

Not a lie, but not the best truth, either. [HuffPo]

 
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{ 229 comments }

ChernobylSoup February 27, 2012 at 9:01 am

God I wouldn't want to know any of NASCAR's "most ardent fans."

Terry February 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

I have one good thing to say about NASCAR. I knew an elderly lady who had fallen under the spell of a few televangelists. She'd run the tv all day on their shows and end up mailing them most of her social security money. Interventions by her kids and friends didn't really help. One day, a family member showed her a NASCAR race and told her backstories on the various drivers. She began treating NASCAR like a delicious soap opera and would play races and discussions of races endlessly on her tv rather than the televangelists. Instead of sending her money to the preachers, she'd follow the races and occasionally buy herself a tchotchka or two. More money for food, drama to follow and think about, wins all around.

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 9:34 am

So, she chose bread over circus. Good for her.

heathenette February 27, 2012 at 9:40 am

NASCAR is still a circus…just a better one than organized religion. Or different one. I guess.

OneDollarJuana February 27, 2012 at 10:01 am

Actually, she chose circus over the opiate of the masses (hint: circus is latin).

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 10:29 am

She chose the crystal meth of the masses over the opiate of the masses.

[Ok, ok, crystal meth is the crystal meth of the masses, but think metaphor, people.)

Toomush_Infer February 27, 2012 at 11:04 am

and circus (cirque) is the latin root of circle, I hasten to add….just to flaunt my NASCAR IQlessness about racetracks…..

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:40 am

They drive their houses across the country following the races. They are the Deadheads of the racing world.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 10:36 am

I don't think "zombie" is capitalized in this usage.

UnholyMoses February 27, 2012 at 11:23 am

As a Deadhead, I will note that NASCAR necks have MUCH better mobile homes.

And there are less phatty burritos and grilled cheese and nitrous and … **sigh** … those were some great summers.

Annnnyway, Grand-Am and Le Mans series racing is where it's at — they also have to turn right. (Huge fan of both, as well as F1, especially since the DRS system has increased passing.)

nonbeliever7 February 27, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Me too…. As in a follower of that socialist European F1 racing. I fully recommend the Montreal race each summer. My marketing pitch to my buddies is "fast cars, real beer and unattainable women".

mayor_quimby February 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Greetings fellow socialist race fans! I love F1, GT1' le mans, dtm, etc.
I can't wait for next month to see how Red Bull will find a loophole for the blown exhaust rules, and if that charismatic young German will continue to dominate ( what could go wrong?)
The upcoming Austin race is the only thing that would make me set foot in god forsaken Tejas again.

hagajim February 27, 2012 at 11:06 am

You mean the Republican base?

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Yesterday, Yahoo ran a story about the Santorum campaign spent enough money to get his name painted on the side of a car.
I posted a comment on his pandering to the lowest common denominator of American society.
The response was that I was an elitist boob.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 9:04 am

I can only imagine Mitt's handlers spent some time googling how to tie a noose last night.

JustPixelz February 27, 2012 at 9:41 am

I think you're exaggerating. I'm sure they googled that months ago, after they learned he was middle class.

Texan_Bulldog February 27, 2012 at 9:55 am

…and unemployed.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 10:35 am

Are you kidding? He got this advice from his campaign manager, Donald Trump!

Swampgas_Man February 27, 2012 at 11:38 am

Nawww, someone just snuck it on his teleprompter.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 11:48 am

Sneaky tricksy Kenyans….

RedneckMuslin February 27, 2012 at 9:09 am

It's difficult to tap into the fears of this fan base but driving two caddies might.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 9:09 am

Sooooo, let's see. Quintessential American sport…that was invented in Europe. (although granted, it took an American to turn racing into a spectacle of speedy billboards) Taking a break from a do or die campaign to watch said 200mph billboards. Real presidential there, Mitt. And finally…not fans, not even drivers…but team owners? Words fail.

Terry February 27, 2012 at 9:31 am

NASCAR isn't so much the offspring of fancy European racing as it is of backroad racing and illegal liquor running in the Carolinas.

Texan_Bulldog February 27, 2012 at 9:34 am

Yes, I'm pretty sure Dario Franchitti would not enjoy being compared to [Dale Earnhardt] Jr.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

Or a drunken Robert Mitchum in the original "Thunder Road".

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

"drunken Robert Mitchum"

Was there another kind of Robert Mitchum?

Gunner Asch February 27, 2012 at 11:53 am

That movie cemented my love affair with the '57 Ford. Had a couple of them over the years and put some nice engines in them. Never much cared for Chevys; you had to reach too far to get to the distributor for all the shade-tree-mechanic'n all those vehicles needed.

mayor_quimby February 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Dario gets better chicks, isn't hi wife Naomi Judd?

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 10:39 pm

No, that's the mamma Judd. He has Ashley; you know, the non-hillbilly Judd.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 9:37 am

Well, I was actually referring to the activity of racing automobiles. But, you are correct, NASCAR started with hillbillies trying to get away from them dang revenoors.

Gotta love it: substance abuse, reckless driving, racism.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 9:41 am

I learned a thing or two from Charlie, dontcha know
Ya'd better stay away from Copperhead Road.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

Hmmm…white dudes running away from taxes.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 10:10 am

There you have the basic appeal. It's surprising that (R)Money isn't a fan.

sharethegrief February 27, 2012 at 11:17 am

He'll become ardent when NASCAR allows dogs on the roofs.

BerkeleyBear February 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

First he claimed it combined his two favorite things, sports and cars. Which is problematic both because no one fucking believes Mitt would risk his 'do huddling with the masses at sporting events or doing anything on a car, and because a huge swath of the population does not view auto racing as a sport. Then you have the whole thing where he insisted on speaking at a drivers meeting, but admits he doesn't know the drivers – thereby pissing off the NASCAR fans who are devoted to "their guys" but view most team owners as elitist scum. Well played all around.

yrbmegr February 27, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I'm not a people person, but I have some great friends who are people owners.

lefty74 February 27, 2012 at 9:11 am

Kenny Powers could come out of a brokered convention with the nomination.

Troubledog February 27, 2012 at 9:19 am

Have it on good authority Borat is forming an exploratory committee. His supporters are sure the wingnuts will waive the "native born" requirement because Borat has the right positions on women's issues, foreign policy and religion.

MosesInvests February 27, 2012 at 10:10 am

Throw the Jew in the well, so our people can be free….

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 10:07 am

Austin Powers would be a good choice too. He's more appropriate than Romney most of the time.

BerkeleyBear February 27, 2012 at 10:57 am

But he's a lousy BRIT, Goddammit! And worse yet, he's played by a Canuckistani!

ph7 February 27, 2012 at 10:58 am

"I'm the man who has the nomination. I'm the man who can lead America better than fuck. So that is why i am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick… everyone."

JoeHoya February 27, 2012 at 9:12 am

Who among us does not like NASCAR?

RedneckMuslin February 27, 2012 at 9:16 am

*raising hand*

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 9:19 am

All of us, Katie?

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 9:23 am

Shrill bitch Maureen Dowd?

JoeHoya February 27, 2012 at 11:31 am

I think that's her full name.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 9:24 am

Only if they play hillbilly fiddle music while they're showing it, like in a 1970s Burt Reynolds movie.

Texan_Bulldog February 27, 2012 at 9:44 am

Or the Benny Hill theme song.

Arken February 27, 2012 at 9:25 am

Personally, I think if you get in a car and drive, you should get somewhere other than where you started in the first place.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 9:25 am

I liked it when I was a child…even built models of the cars. Now? Not so much.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 9:33 am

Did some time, while in college, working at a motorcycle shop that had a 750GP class bike. But other than Daytona, where a bunch of these little tiny guys dressed in yellow came in and kicked ass, most of the tracks were Nelson's Ledges, Watkins Glen and the like twisty, turny tracks. Hated going around in circles.

OneDollarJuana February 27, 2012 at 10:04 am

WSBK Round 1, Philip Island this weekend. Yay! My winter purgatory is over!

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Checked out the reference since I didn’t know it.  Sure enough, right at the top was a picture of a Yamaha.I have not followed the sport in a couple decades.  Back in 1974 I don’t think loading the Guzzi into the back of the IH van would have got us all the way to Australia.

weej_bain February 27, 2012 at 9:37 am

If ya can't see the wheels, it ain't racing.

OneDollarJuana February 27, 2012 at 10:03 am

I like NASCAR just about as much as I like football. 'nuff said.

starfanglednut February 27, 2012 at 10:09 am

Lessee, somnolent repetitiveness, broken only by fiery crashes perhaps involving death. What's not to like?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 10:15 am

I don't recall the Republican debates involving death.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 10:32 am

Just a lot of applause for death.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 11:32 am

It's more like career death. Fewer flames, more laughs.

mayor_quimby February 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Didja see the way Jeff Gordon got flipped on his roof? And how that there uppity broad got put inta tha wall? That's good racin there, I tell u what!

FakaktaSouth February 27, 2012 at 10:11 am

I've already admitted on wonkette that I enjoyed my NASCAR Talladega infield experience with Davey Allison in 1992 – but it might have been all the mushrooms, xanax, wild turkey, funneled beer and weed. It's okay to judge me. That shit was fun.

Spurning Beer February 27, 2012 at 10:24 am

Never been to an auto race. But around 1967, I saw the Yardbirds at a track outside Montgomery. Jimmy Page's pit crew was incredible.

FakaktaSouth February 27, 2012 at 10:31 am

A '67 Jeff Beck (or Clapton or Page) can change my oil anytime – or a 67yo Beck, Clapton or Page. I'm in.

Edit – see? THIS is how I end up on a youtube spiral starting with the yardbirds and ending with me dancing to Cream (Fave Ginger ever) instead of cleaning my house. Rick Santorum is going to come give me a housewife/harlot demerit I just know it.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 11:00 am

I did when I was a kid. Even have autographs from a bunch of race drivers like Junior Johnson.

But like nearly all things, I outgrew it when I gained wisdo–

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that's why!!!!!

BerkeleyBear February 27, 2012 at 11:11 am

Well, I wrote a law review article about it (and the IP implications of the government's anti-tobacco regulations) and as a result of that got a reputation as liking it. But really, other than the "Jeff Gordon's Gay" song, never got into it. Of course, at least in NASCAR you get lead changes, whereas F1 is mainly a competition of who can spend the most absurd amount of money so their ride is at the front of the grid when the flag drops.

Preferred Customer February 27, 2012 at 11:58 am

You should do a law review article on F1 as potlatch.

RadioSBJ February 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Not me. I hate those yellow flags. Just let the fuckers race — like a 200 mph Rollerball.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 9:12 am

He's also friends with the owner of the Hair Club for Men, not just a client.

SayItWithWookies February 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"And I liked it so much, I bankrupted the company!"

mrpuma2u February 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm

He's not a doctor, and he didn't play one on TV, but he owns a couple hospitals.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 9:15 am

Sorry Mitt, NASCAR fans are more likely to be Santorum voters.

Chillwillard February 27, 2012 at 10:07 am

This pic. say it all.

Fare la Volpe February 27, 2012 at 11:56 am

That is the filthiest thing to ever appear in print.

Abernathy February 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Santorum on the rear helps with the slipstream.

Abernathy February 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm

And santorum producers.

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 9:17 am

All he needs is a "release the hounds" moment, and really, he's Monty Burns.

FNMA February 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

You say release the hounds; I say strap one to the roof of the family station wagon.

LetUsBray February 27, 2012 at 10:24 am

I see him as more the love child of Monty Burns and Ned Flanders.

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 10:40 am

It's impossible to imagine that we have a candidate of POTUS in U.S America that is actually more of a judgmental, religious zealot than a cartoon caricature of a judgmental, religious zealot. Or, maybe not.

LetUsBray February 27, 2012 at 10:44 am

Oh, I would MUCH rather be governed by stupid Flanders than by Froth-diddly-othy, if, as I gather, that's where you're going here.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 10:45 am

You may be thinking of Santorum.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 9:17 am

Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then fuck you.

elburritodeluxe February 27, 2012 at 9:18 am

I find your auto racing devotion to be puzzling, earth man.

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 11:44 am

Take me to your Danica Patrick.

yrbmegr February 27, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Where I come from, we race time machines. What's wrong with you humans?

SayItWithWookies February 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Well, the contest for the GOP nom is a race to the 14th century, so there's that.

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 9:18 am

His foot never seems to be out of his mouth. Like a combination of Dan Quayle and W, with hair gel.

philpjfry February 27, 2012 at 9:20 am

As somebody once said somewhere sometime "I like to visit reality, but only as a tourist." Mitt the elite space zombie with no idea of how people live,. or talk, or act or think., or …..

EatsBabyDingos February 27, 2012 at 9:20 am

Asked about baseball, Mr. Romney said "I don't follow the sport, but I know the owners and I like their diamonds."

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:43 am

And, at the utterance of the word "diamonds" Callista's whore-diamond sense went off.

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

Owners like W?

Arken February 27, 2012 at 9:21 am

Come on, guys, who doesn't know a few NASCAR team owners or own a couple of Cadillacs?

BerkeleyBear February 27, 2012 at 11:16 am

Okay, okay. I admit it. I've met a part owner of a NASCAR team once (he was also a driver, and a guy at my firm represented him), and I think I've been in a Cadillac at some point – so I guess I'm part of the Mitt club. Sorta.

nonbeliever7 February 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Isn't the answer to these questions always Hitler?

Local_Mojo February 27, 2012 at 9:22 am

NASCAR is a perfect analogy for the Republican race: men going around and around in a circle in gas-guzzling machines, making deafening noise — for no discernible purpose.

Ricky Bubba 2012!

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 9:24 am

More like the complete opposite of the GOP: no right turns.

OneDollarJuana February 27, 2012 at 10:07 am

The common image that most have of the declining days of the Roman Empire involve chariot races around the circus and gladiators. Now we have NASCAR and cage-fighting.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 10:15 am

Now can we at least get some bread, too?

Spurning Beer February 27, 2012 at 10:27 am

It's nachos now.

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

Men?

Danica Patrick libel!

BornInATrailer February 27, 2012 at 9:24 am

Worst and most unnecessary "some of my best friends are" cover story ever.

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 9:25 am

"the Daytona 500, if it ever happens"

I wouldn't hold my breath.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 9:25 am

He is working for the "Longest Loosing Presidential Race" Oscar.

Hey JoeBob, that Oscar thing 's one this week. You know when they drive only Lincolns and Cadillacs 'stead 'o real 'merican stock cars.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

Mitt Romney – the Harold Stassen of our era.

Puffperney February 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Not "loosing", it is "losing". Dammit, you hit my pet peeve on the head! Sorry.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Sorry, didn’t notice.  I was trying to be too pretentious with the southern dialect and distracted.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 9:26 am

He showed up to watch the race in his hunting camos.

Puffperney February 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Well, a good portion of the crowd do that too, so, he lucked out.

Chillwillard February 27, 2012 at 9:26 am

Mittens is just like Jean Girard in Talladega Nights.

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:26 am

We need a Romney Gaffe Generator, stat!

bureaucrap February 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

why? He's doing such a good job himself!

bureaucrap February 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

But since you asked, I guess it would take the form of something like, "I don't particularly like [race cars, workers, minorities, etc.], but I'm close personal friends with the people that own them."

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 9:27 am

OT…but am I the only one who laughs when he sees the Viagra racer?

paris biltong February 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

My air horns runnin' clear.
Baby you oughta' watch the way I shift my gears.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 10:03 am

Taj Mahal version for the win.—

RadioSBJ February 27, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Racin' and tradin' paint ain't easy. But it's even tougher with a hard-on.
Call your doctor if you experience lightheadiness, visual difficulties, or an erection lasting more than four hours.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Should I call my doctor about races that last over 4 hours?—

RadioSBJ February 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I wonder if he hits the wall harder.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Only if that wall is tighter, wetter, and crazier than other walls.

LiveToServeYa February 27, 2012 at 9:29 am

He really does need a monocle and cigarette holder. Wait, I'm having a great idea for a re-design of Monopoly: Romnopoly.

annettaj February 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

A-S-P-E-R-G-E-R.

BerkeleyBear February 27, 2012 at 11:18 am

Autism Spectrum Disorder Libel! Mitt's just a standard fuckwad.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 11:21 am

More likely a Python-esque "Upperclass Twit".

annettaj February 27, 2012 at 11:30 am

THAT'S IT!

Steverino247 February 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

Mitt's wife drives a couple of Cadillacs? I thought he was married to a rich white woman?

Baconzgood February 27, 2012 at 9:31 am

"I have some friends who are NASCAR team owners"

See he's a slacked jawed hic everyday beer swilling redneck.

FakaktaSouth February 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

I'm not really a fan of Jews, but I do know a lot of born-again dead Mormons.
I'm not really a fan of the homeless, but I do know all the slum lords.
I'm not really a fan of consistency, but I do have a lot of new opinions.
I'm not really a fan of Detroit, but I do have a shit ton of cars.
It just goes on and on.

Callyson February 27, 2012 at 11:54 am

I'm not really a fan of the voters, but I do own a lot of the vote counters.
/summarized.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

NASCAR is certainly a red white and blue sport—the fans all have red necks, are invariably white, and love them some Blue Ribbon.

crybabyboehner February 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Hank Thompson: "Red Necks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer."

Pragmatist2 February 27, 2012 at 9:33 am

I'll bet $10,000 that his "friends who are NASCAR owners" are of the Caucasian persuasion. Just a guess.

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 10:02 am

More like the "corporate person" persuasion.

Texan_Bulldog February 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

They don't let coloreds into NASCAR–kind of an unwritten NASCAR rule.

BerkeleyBear February 27, 2012 at 11:24 am

Not entirely true. There haven't been any African American NASCAR Sprint/Winston/Good Ole Boy drivers in a while, but there are a few guys at lower levels or on the fringe circuits. Like anything else driven by a corporate ethos, the number one thing stopping them from full time rides at the highest level is money. Specifically, the perception that they can't connect to the fan base blocking them from getting the best sponsorships. So its more tertiary racism than any sort of policy at this point.

weej_bain February 27, 2012 at 9:33 am

Wonkette awash in carburetors and vee-8s on a Monday morning? Well then, can we fix the Repulglycuntz' final four with restrictor plates before the March Madness starts.

Dr_Zoidberg February 27, 2012 at 9:36 am

Oh, hell no. Take off the plates, let them get those engines going as fast as possible, and then sit back and enjoy the sight of those idiots crashing all over the place.

Dr_Zoidberg February 27, 2012 at 9:35 am

Obviously a lie…Mittens doesn't have friends.

He has 'acquaintances'.

Fare la Volpe February 27, 2012 at 9:51 am

"Associates."

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

Otherwise known as business associates/partners and "customers".

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Quite.

ManchuCandidate February 27, 2012 at 9:36 am

So NASCAR fan is the new black friend.

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:46 am

WIN. lol

heathenette February 27, 2012 at 9:37 am

Shit Mitt Romney says

Dudleydidwrong February 27, 2012 at 9:38 am

"I don't live in Michigan any longer but I know people who own it."
"I don't know anyone who flies coach, but I know the owners of the airline."
"I don't do my own taxes, but I know the Block brothers."
"We don't stop at Dairy Queens but I know the company CEO."
"We eat pizza on occasion but I never knew Herman Cain"

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 9:46 am

Three cheers for Henry & Richard Block who bought Compuserve and ran it into the ground and sold it to Ted Turner while his was in the process of running AOL into the grounds who sold it off to a bunch of nerds living in mom's basement who made it into the most confusing news 'gator on the internet just so Ariana Huffington wouldn't feel out of step.

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:43 am

Hey, now, you guys. Owners are people too, my friends.

Romney's only saving grace is that he didn't call it "The NASCAR."

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:45 am

OT: The FWUCK!? I just saw an Arizona tourist commercial featuring Jan Brewer on CNN. Some things can't be unseen.

Steverino247 February 27, 2012 at 9:51 am

Wasting her time. I won't drive through it. I won't fly there. I won't even take a flight that lands there en route to someplace else. Fuck Arizona.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 10:02 am

Instead of watching the Oscars I watched "Grapes of Wrath" and "Bound for Glory" back to back. Both movies had people driving through Arizona down US 66. Nobody wanted to stop and they all were going as fast as possible to get through.

Limeylizzie February 27, 2012 at 9:51 am

I have seen that, she looks lovely all sun-dappled doesn't she?

Texan_Bulldog February 27, 2012 at 9:53 am

Two words: Sunscreen, bitch!

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

Two more words: elocution lessons.

She sounds like an elementary school student in the commercial…same as always. She needs to drop the baby voice when she's trying to smile to get a point across.

Texan_Bulldog February 27, 2012 at 10:05 am

Yeah, I figure she's too far gone for sunscreen to be of any help. She looks like she's been rode hard and put up wet one too many times. I've read that she has a drinking problem so I bet she's had an interesting life. (Still doesn't excuse her being a total bitch, though.)

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 10:05 am

Anything to protect you from the glare off all the whiteness.

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 10:23 am

No lie, every morning while I apply my SPF 30 I think of Brewer. She's my anti-aging inspiration.

Boehner is my inspiration to lay off the vodka.

Spurning Beer February 27, 2012 at 10:34 am

Think of Jan when you floss, too. She has one ill-fitting set of dentures.

OneDollarJuana February 27, 2012 at 10:09 am

Sure it wasn't a stealth ad by the New Mexico tourism bureau?

JustPixelz February 27, 2012 at 9:45 am

NASCAR team owners are job creators. Of course, they are somehow able to create those jobs under rules and regulations that would make OSHA blush.

paris biltong February 27, 2012 at 9:47 am

Do you follow football? No but my son is trying to date Rooney Mara.

ChernobylSoup February 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

Who isn't?

__kth__ February 27, 2012 at 9:48 am

'Ardent' is more tin-eared than touting the friendship of team owners. NASCAR fans are second to no sub-sector of white proles in their peasant-like fawning over red-state robber barons. But they feel disrespected if you use words they don't know the meaning of.

prommie February 27, 2012 at 10:37 am

Ahem. Did you mean "of which they don't know the meaning?" Or, "the meaning of which they know not?"

__kth__ February 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Like the man said, that's one of those rules up with which I've never been able to put.

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 9:51 am

Romney: What are these rubber wheeled, self-propelled chariots of which you amazing wizards speak?

Goonemeritus February 27, 2012 at 9:53 am

Well it’s better than his comments to Ebony Magazine last week where he said that though he wasn’t specifically a fan of black people he was friends with some former owners of black people.

BornInATrailer February 27, 2012 at 10:04 am

Ahh. Perfect.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 10:24 am

Posts like this are why the editors really ought to be handing out "Post of the Day/Week/Month/Year" awards.

Fare la Volpe February 27, 2012 at 9:53 am

"I don't follow Penelope Pitstop, but I am friends with that Dick Dastardly fellow."

Nothingisamiss February 27, 2012 at 11:13 am

YES.

VinnyThePooh February 27, 2012 at 9:57 am

Wheels from Mitt's bus go in the crowd, in the crowd, in the crowd…

weej_bain February 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

Looks like Mittens crashed more during the Daytona speed week than Danica Patrick. Is Rmoney slipping on some frothy santorum to cause his Ford Field fumble and now his common manliness lost to being best buddies with the car owners. Like annettaj posted above, Mittens keeps kicking himself in his Asperger.

BarackMyWorld February 27, 2012 at 10:39 am

Mmmm…Danica Patrick….

ThundercatHo February 27, 2012 at 10:07 am

Shake and Bake 2012!

paris biltong February 27, 2012 at 10:08 am

Newt's version: I don't gamble but I'm friends with a casino owner.

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 11:46 am

I don't drink coffee, but I fucked Juan Valdez's wife.

imissopus February 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

That could actually be Mitt's alternate version as well. Or are we only talking about successful casino owners?

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 10:10 am

He's probably still more popular than a blah woman, however.

chascates February 27, 2012 at 10:14 am

Now if you want to talk polo ponies or America's Cup racing Mitt's your man.

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 10:16 am

Oh fuck me. Mitt probably is one of the assholes who's gonna take over San Francisco next year with their yachts for the America's Cup while bitching about San Francisco 'values'. Ugh.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 10:27 am

A bunch of rich douchebags will be descending on your city, to play around with their boats in a race that nobody but rich asshats cares about? Ugh, my sympathies. And maybe some of them will try to pick you up too – that wouldn't be fun.

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 10:31 am

It's gonna be disgusting. They've already shut down several businesses along the waterfront to make room for the big-ass yachts that will arrive. I may have to plan a trip to Philly at that time…..

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 10:36 am

Shut down businesses already, over a year in advance? Ugh. That does not sound like a fun time – at least it's smaller than the Olympics, which I've heard really ruins the lives of host city's residents while they're going on. But you know you're welcome at my place any time.

Spurning Beer February 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

Junior Samples: Hey bus driver! Do you sell round-trip tickets?

Archie: Sure do, son. Where do you want to go?

Junior: Right back here.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 10:20 am

Remember when Fox News went all wacky over the picture of "elitist" Kerry windsurfing? Man, they'll be all over this. Wall-to-Wall coverage, right?

BarackMyWorld February 27, 2012 at 10:40 am

Fair and balanced!

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 10:41 am

Right.

SayItWithWookies February 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm

No, but his sous chef does.

Spurning Beer February 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Grey Poupon.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 10:20 am

"Born with a silver foot in his mouth."

-Ann Richards

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 10:29 am

GOP Demolition Derby would be all kinds of awesome.

LesBontemps February 27, 2012 at 10:49 am

Isn't that what we're watching already?

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 10:57 am

Or gladiatorial matches – "Gov. Perry, Rep. Bachmann, you have tied for last place in Iowa; now you fight for the right to survive and move on to the next primary."

Fare la Volpe February 27, 2012 at 11:54 am

It feels like the GOP is already playing Death Race 2000 with the groups they're running over:

Women – 20 points
Olds – 30 points
Blacks – 40 points
Gays – 60 points
Muslims – 100 points
Old Black Muslim Lesbians – 10,000 points!

EloquentScience February 27, 2012 at 10:32 am

I don't find Mitt's comment too surprising. After all, there aren't many Mormon NASCAR drivers.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 10:33 am

Since Mitten's Massholery is in the news so much, it reminds me of a joke I heard up there decades ago.

A businessman arriving in Boston decided to go find a good seafood restaurant and asked a cab driver, "Do you know where I can get Scrod around here?"
The cabdriver said. "I know a few places… but it's not often I hear someone use the past subjunctive anymore!"

Where else but Bahsten.

snackypants February 27, 2012 at 11:36 am

Ah, it's been a long time since I heard said joke. This English major thanks you for the sweet reminder.

prommie February 27, 2012 at 10:36 am

He is the second coming of George H. W. Bush, complete with, in the words of Ann Richards, the silver foot in his mouth.

johnnyzhivago February 27, 2012 at 10:36 am

"I'm not really an American, just friends with some of the people who own the country"

elburritodeluxe February 27, 2012 at 10:49 am

Not a NASCAR fan? This is like admitting that you sip white wine while watching Downton Abbey with your same-sex partner. In France.

WinterOuthouse February 27, 2012 at 10:50 am

This fucker has no instincts.

Toomush_Infer February 27, 2012 at 11:12 am

Someone should really do a study on political death wishes….

DahBoner February 27, 2012 at 11:13 am

People who wanted to let Detroit go bankrupt are Republican tools too, my friends…

Manhattan123 February 27, 2012 at 11:36 am

NASCAR team owners are people too, my friend.

mrblifil February 27, 2012 at 11:54 am

What I'm wondering is: Why is Mitt always hanging around the pit stop asking questions about lube?

Preferred Customer February 27, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Mitt has not really cared for the NASCAR since AMC stopped entering Matadors and sold itself to the French.

RadioSBJ February 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm

He likes to meet his friends in quiet rooms.

BZ1 February 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Thurston Howell III in a NASCAR race car, perish the thought …

Redhead February 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"My wife's a bigger fan than I am," he added. "I think two or three of her cars are Nascar cars."

DahBoner February 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

The People of Michgan: WILL THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP…

CapeClod February 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

"How are you spending the weekend, Mr. Romney?"

"The week-end? What's that?"

Jerri February 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

The Dowager Countess approves of this comment.

ttommyunger February 27, 2012 at 1:33 pm

What. A. Doosh! Almost enough to make me feel sorry for him…..Almost, but not quite.

starfanglednut February 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Bahahaha, “dermal crocodiling” ftw.

Nostrildamus February 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Romney is an idiot. I blame Obama.

Puffperney February 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Kansas isn't completely stupid, the Kansas lottery commission runs the newly opened "Hollywood Casino" right next to the big NASCAR track in K.C., Kansas.

Product correlation my friends!

Veritas78 February 27, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Mitt is the poster boy for the 100% inheritance tax. He might not be a bad candidate if he could buy a clue, but with all his money — he can't. He suffers the curse of wealth.

Puffperney February 28, 2012 at 1:08 am

Man, if I was anywhere near as rich as Romney, I would so be driving a Maybach Exelero!
(…though Janis Joplin's psychedelic Porsche ragtop would be good too.)

starfanglednut February 27, 2012 at 10:09 am

WIN.

Negropolis February 27, 2012 at 10:09 am

You know, in a normal state, Jan Brewer would have never risen above the level of county clerk. I'm scared, because there are fewer and fewer "normal" states these days. I mean, when Wisconsin of all states elects a evangelical Baptist, college drop-out, well, Milwaukee, we have a problem.

Still, Jan Brewer is the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel.

starfanglednut February 27, 2012 at 10:15 am

She looks like a long term smoker as well.

An_Outhouse February 27, 2012 at 10:47 am

and why the long sleeve shirts? Surely not to hide the track marks from her junk habit?

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

And Cayman Island vaults

Terry February 27, 2012 at 11:26 am

…and via the hiring of many accountants.

BerkeleyBear February 27, 2012 at 11:17 am

And Perrier.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 11:31 am

High Robert Mitchum:
http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,311620,00.html

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Dead Robert Mitchum?

MOG2410 February 27, 2012 at 12:06 pm

She was the best they had to offer *shudder*

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

After a 59 Caddy I went with British Roadsters.  I was more into SCAA then anything else (Northern NJ and NY with all that fantastic scenery up 9W).Although I had a MG-TC in the garage my “buy it through the PX at a ridiculously low price” was a 1969 MGC-GT with the six cylinder engine.  Blindingly fast but handled like a drunken pig.

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