WOMEN BE STOPPIN'  8:41 pm February 24, 2012

GOP Jerk’s Wife Withholds Sex Because Of Transvaginal Ultrasound Bill

by Kaia Mursi

Dave Albo is a Republican in the Virginia House of Delegates whose wife decided against sexing him — in flagrante delicto, apparently! — once she heard, on the teevee news accompanying their intercourse, about the creepy transvaginal ultrasound bill Dave’s party was pushing last week. Thanks to Wonkette commenter “UnholyMoses,” we can all enjoy Albo’s first-person account of the unexpected interruptus of his coitus.

Albo used the House’s weekly comedy open mic not only to relate his charming tale of conjugal visitry gone wrong but also to call out Democratic delegate David Englin, specifically, for emitting cock-blocking sex death rays straight from the Rachel Maddow Show.

PS Did you know that it is considered impolite for delegates to utter any derivative of the word “vagina,” even while disgorging the squishy minutia of their sex-making into the official record over a cassette-deck porn beat, UNLESS they are simultaneously working to restrict what women can do with their “V”s? Look it up! [YouTube via Wonkette commenter "UnholyMoses"]

 
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{ 659 comments }

Barb February 24, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Did she only withhold transvaginal sex or was butt sex off the table too?

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Let's check the incoming IP addresses to rentboy.com and find out!

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Barb, thank you for upholding our precious Wonkette tradition of mentioning buttsechs.

Barb February 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Live to serve!

bagofmice February 25, 2012 at 1:40 am

Hoorah!! Hoohah?

Chichikovovich February 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm

No, butt sex was A-OK, as long as she was the one in back holding the probe.

trampndirtdown February 24, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Hooray for pegging!

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 10:58 am

So that's what that song "Peg o' My Heart" is about.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:54 pm

That's "Peg o' My Butt".
"Peg o' My Heart" is about staking a vampire.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Buttsechs is usually *under* the table, for these types.

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

Or under the bathroom stall divider.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Tap, tap, tap. Say, is this thing on?

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm

You've got an awfully wide stance there, frothy.

Biff February 25, 2012 at 5:11 pm

That's below the belt.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 5:44 pm

That was low, Biff.

doloras February 24, 2012 at 10:12 pm

No, there was buttsechs ON the table.

RadioSBJ February 24, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Yeah, with her and her strap-on ultrasound probe.

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 1:02 am

I would sure hope that it's off the table, because it can be quite a dangerous event when performed on top of the table.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I like to think I'm a pretty open-minded person, but I do feel that butt sex should never be done ON the table.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Yeah, people EAT on it. Ew.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Lulz, now I'm picturing Tony Soprano dope-slapping A.J. and yelling, "EY!! Your mudder and I EAT offa dat table!"

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

OK, now the cat is giving me the stinkeye because you made me LOL and I woke him. (Fuck him, I didn't ask him to to steal my pillow.)

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Unless the home has a special table reserved only for buttsex.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

You were right about being hentai! *Most* people like their sex someplace *comfortable,* like a *bed.*

Or maybe that's just us Oldz.

Geminisunmars February 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I just can't recall.

HalluxValgus February 24, 2012 at 8:44 pm

should withhold sex because he can't say "vagina." If you can't say it, you can't appreciate it.

DoktorThompson February 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Penis, penis, penis. Vagina, vagina, vagina.

not that Dewey February 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm
FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Cowabunga!

Biff February 25, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I thought the Pegging was up-thread a bit?

not that Dewey February 25, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Thank you for making me remind myself what that word means.

An_Outhouse February 25, 2012 at 9:04 am

virginia, vagina, same thing!

Barrelhse February 24, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Does she look a lot like him?

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 8:54 pm

In which case, not much of a loss.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm

To whom, dood? I mean, if she's the only one who will *fuck* him …

Mahousu February 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

She does, but oddly, their children don't.

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 1:01 am

Milkman libel!

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:11 pm

"Mom, did you ever notice that the milkman sounds like Darth Vader?"
"Shut up and eat your dinner, Luke."

Soylent Green February 24, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Like Chief and Missus Wiggum.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Or Kirk and Luanne Van Houten (Millhouse's parents).

voodooeconomics February 24, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Fat guy should be lucky enough for a hand job. Sex? only when she is drunk.

OzoneTom February 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I suspect that she is only using this as an excuse.

valgal2342 February 24, 2012 at 10:27 pm

She's been waiting for an excuse this air tight for decades.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

"I can't have sex with you because of… um… your voting record! Yeah! That's the ticket! And also because today is Wednesday!"

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:44 pm

You mean Santorum *shouldn't* have believed that when Karen said it?

HistoriCat February 25, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I'm sure Ricky boy would be secretly relieved if she cut him off.

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Is that the secret?

Loaded_Pants February 25, 2012 at 9:37 pm

"Honey, I'll be right up there with you after I'm done french kissing Jim Beam, okay?"

Barrelhse February 24, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Wait….So they can't say cunt?

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 8:51 pm

They have to retard their usage.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:53 pm

See You Next Tuesday!

Dashboard Buddha February 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

SUNT?

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Who are you calling SUNT!?

Dashboard Buddha February 25, 2012 at 7:21 am

Snarkers United Nullifying Tyranny

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm

The Albo Tearoom: See You When Tea is ready!

ProgressiveInga February 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

No, but hoo-hah is totally acceptable.

emmelemm February 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Or the ever-popular (barf) va-jay-jay.

poncho_pilot February 25, 2012 at 5:18 am

i hate that term with a passion.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Behind the laughter: Va Jay Jay, the trans-sexual Mouseketeer.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:15 pm

"Bunt" is allowed.

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 11:44 pm

How about "meat curtains"?

snackypants February 25, 2012 at 2:26 am

MEAT CURTAINS?!?!? I've heard it called a lot of things but this one takes the cake.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 2:34 am

Sliding your banana inbetween meat curtains does not sound at all appetizing.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Or beef curtains.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 2:32 am

Only if you put the word "That" in front of it and an exclamation point behind it.

Angry_Marmot February 25, 2012 at 2:51 am

"Room for One Standing" (archaic).

Come here a minute February 24, 2012 at 8:46 pm

But that is inconceivable! Del. Albo is a man–doesn't that make Mrs. Albo his property?

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 11:45 pm

All of them, Katie.

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Well, I'd agree that he is a male, but a "man"?

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Lysistrata WIN!

ifthethunderdontgetya February 24, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Vaginia, Virginia, let's call the whole thing off.
~

GOPCrusher February 24, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Vaginia is for Lovers.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 2:34 am

She could become a born-again virginia.

donner_froh February 24, 2012 at 8:51 pm

So State Delegate David Albo did the usual when he is horny–drove a few towns over to an adult bookstore, sat next to a glory hole and sucked a some hot anonymous cocks.

ManchuCandidate February 24, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Who knew that Japanese love dolls could reject their owners?

Texan_Bulldog February 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

http://www.realdoll.com

(Don't ask me how I know about that.)

Dashboard Buddha February 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Don't worry…it's an internet meme all on its own. That being said, I have such an open mind that the wind plays lovely music when it blows through my ears…and I don't care how someone gets their kink on…but the RD fucking torsos!?! just creep me the hell out.

I wonder how many Briebart has?

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Why do you call him Briebart? Because he's smelly, soft, and cheesy?

Dashboard Buddha February 24, 2012 at 10:32 pm

If that's what you young uns are calling transposing the e and i, then sure.

Texan_Bulldog February 24, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I actually saw a RD on an HBO Real Sex episode. I think they just buy the torsos so they can drive in the HOV lanes.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Sure, Texan. I believe you. Uh-huh.

KenLayIsAlive February 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

Does RealDolls make male torsos?

Dashboard Buddha February 26, 2012 at 11:10 am

There are some journeys one must take alone, Grasshopper. Good luck.—

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Albo's vibrator said that it just liked him as a friend.

Texan_Bulldog February 24, 2012 at 8:54 pm

"Did you know that it is considered impolite for delegates to utter any derivative of the word “vagina,”"

That's because most R sex stories don't involve vaginas.

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Was the fat guy with glasses and the funny name actually getting any before?

poncho_pilot February 25, 2012 at 5:21 am

Poncho Pilot libel!!!

oops. i gave myself away…

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Wait … wut? You're Dave ALBO?

poncho_pilot February 25, 2012 at 4:35 pm

no, just another fat guy with glasses and a funny name. except i do get some.

of course, my wife would never have to turn me down because i hate women.

and, also, too, i'm a lot fucking funnier than that clown shoe.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Well, obvs, or you wouldn't be a Wonketteer. Srsly, it always amazes me that these fucksticks *ever* get any, given how much they plain old HATE the wimminfolk. I mean, if I had showed up at work and joked about my wife not schtupping me because she got pissed off about something I did, I'd be on my knees for a month of Sundays begging for forgiveness. Because you can bet your sweet ass I wouldn't be getting any for about that long.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Why are those lawmakers so drunk? Last time I laughed that hard at something that lame, I had far exceeded the two-drink minimum.

fuflans February 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

to be fair, i would refuse sex with this guy too.

Sparky McGruff February 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

When he says "wife", I suspect he means "horse"…

ThundercatHo February 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Shoot, even the hussiest mare in heat would kick this guy in the nutsack.

hunnybee February 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm

God yes! then she'd kick him in the head.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:17 pm

No, that's Neal Horseley.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Virginia is for lovers, but what they never tell you is lovers of what.

bagofmice February 25, 2012 at 1:49 am

One of the best things I have ever seen on a bathroom wall: "Enumclaw is for lovers".

Context: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enumclaw_horse_sex_c

snackypants February 25, 2012 at 2:29 am

If you are interested in going further down this rabbit hole, rent the movie Zoo which was all about said Enumclaw horse incident.

KenLayIsAlive February 26, 2012 at 10:55 am

"As there was no law against humanely fucking one horse, the prosecutors could only charge Tait with trespassing."

See also: List of horse accidents

Oh my.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 2:50 am

Mrs. Ed LIBEL!!!

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm

That's probably the only link you've ever posted that hasn't grossed me out.

Just kidding. That was truly great and hysterically funny. I wish it had actually had Gilda, though.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I tried to find a link to the actual SNL routine, which I can still picture in my brain after all these years, and was roll on the floor hilarious, but had no luck.

But then you're "looking at" a guy who memorized the Mr. Ed theme song.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Um … I don't know how else to tell you this, dood, but … so did I.

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

You mean like this guy?

HistoriCat February 25, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I am slightly concerned about the high knowledge level members of the Wonketteriat have about a bestiality case.

Sparky McGruff February 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

Concerned, but probably not surprised.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 7:00 pm

To be more specific, the horse's ass.

EatsBabyDingos February 24, 2012 at 8:58 pm

She'll probably come around if he apologizes, brings flowers, and takes a transrectal battleship up the transrectal region.

bagofmice February 25, 2012 at 4:22 pm

And how much Liam Neeson is involved?

GuyClinch February 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I'm driving into Vagina, I mean Virginia, tomorrow to buy cigarettes (yeah, I know). Think I'll stop by Del. Albo's driveway and empty my ashtray there. And maybe my bowels. HAHAHA yeah this whole probe-rape bill I sponsored is funny now! Hope your stupid teevee falls on you, rich guy.

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Dood, pick up some guns too, since I guess they lifted the stupid one per week limit.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:19 pm

And some of those cakes we like.

Sparky McGruff February 25, 2012 at 8:23 am

Do they have the wite casuls?

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Cedar Cheese. Or (aptly-named) musturd.

Advn2rgirl February 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

And a shrubbery.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Aaah, mixed metaphors! Or are they too meta? Hi, Advn2girl, nice to meet you. Stick around for more madness!

Mahousu February 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

I was going to tell Albo to keep his day job until I remembered what his day job was.

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Haha, Gwen Ifill reads Wonkette. She just said there was a lot of talk on "social media" about Ford Field being empty for Mittens.

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 24, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Worse Sex Tape Ever!

ProgressiveInga February 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Vagina is for L♥VERS!

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:20 pm

*Maryland* is for lovers. Vaginia is for BULLIES!

bagofmice February 25, 2012 at 1:53 am

Perhaps if you put a ring on it.

finallyhappy February 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I actually had a guy come into the museum with his wife and daughter(who was maybe 3) wearing a hat(the guy- my writing is convoluted, I know) that said that. I did a double take- thinking it was my dirty mind- and being in DC- that it actually said "Virginia"- but no!, it said Vagina. what a putz.

Geminisunmars February 25, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Must've been a fellow wonketeer.

DaSandman February 24, 2012 at 9:09 pm

She's a hero of the Republic for not allowing that fat gasbag to breed.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

The delegate-lady that proposed this doesn't care, 'cause she's obviously not getting any.

Gainsbourg69 February 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

http://www.vgmcinc.com/

Scroll down a bit to see our golden vaginaed Mrs. Rita Albo.

Dashboard Buddha February 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Maybe they can use Veegemcee as a substitute for vagina?

Barrelhse February 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Quite the moustache.

OzoneTom February 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I'd hit it.

Biff February 25, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Beat me by 20 hours, but yeah, so would I. A bit horse-faced, also ginger, but wtf…

RavenRant February 25, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Once you go ginger, you'll become a binger.

Cuz we so hawt.

HistoriCat February 25, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Ginger – yummy …

yellojkt February 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

She could have done better.

Chichikovovich February 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Come on now, you little scamps – Mrs. Albo has shown herself to have a scrap of sense and decency, which can't be easy to sustain when married to a douchenozzle like her rapist-by-proxy husband.

So let's just focus on what a fat, ugly rapist-by-proxy dipshit husband she has and count her as one of the heros of this tale.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:23 pm

*This* is why, when they hold those elections for god? You got my vote.

As I pointed out before, how plain or gorgeous Mrs. Albo is makes nobody no never mind, if she's the only person in the world who will fuck that jerk (and he's no fucking prize), and she's doing the principled Lysistrata number.

If more women would stop sleeping with Repuglycunts, they wouldn't have to worry about these prix passing laws that treat them like chattel.

BigDumbRedDog February 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

Have to convince the little boys to stop sleeping with them too.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I'm sure they wouldn't mind the beatings they get for refusing sex.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:50 pm

You know, it's tough to be a privacy-rights advocate while arguing for greater sanction against crimes against women and children.

OzoneTom February 24, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Thanks for putting that in perspective. Obviously Rita Albo deserves our respect and thanks.

But she's still way too good for the likes of him.

Gainsbourg69 February 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I meant no disrespect. I just wanted to put a face to the very decent Mrs. Albo.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I'm the one who should be sorry – I realized your message was just factual and rhetorically neutral. I was jumping in to try to gently redirect people's snark rays. But I neglected to make clear that the message was intended as a comment on the way the thread was heading, not on your post.—

Gainsbourg69 February 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

No worries.

hunnybee February 25, 2012 at 3:58 pm

she is decent and thank you. you did not disrespect her
at all.

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Sadly, the boy looks exactly like his dad.

Jukesgrrl February 25, 2012 at 12:25 am

She's given him a son and heir, so to some "minds" (probably his), she's fulfilled her most important wifely duty. I hope she now does her motherly duty and makes sure that kid doesn't ACT like his father.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 1:51 pm

She's given him a son and heir, so to some "minds" (probably his), she's fulfilled her most important wifely duty.

True. The Republicans are nothing if not heir-brained.

Gainsbourg69 February 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I read yesterday that he's adopted.

trampndirtdown February 24, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Maybe Chubby can increase his profits…if you know what I mean nudge nudge wink wink.

DemmeFatale February 25, 2012 at 12:32 am

How old is that picture, 'cause he SURE doesn't look like that now!

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm

OK, I don't think I'd put her on the cover of Vogue, but she's at least decently attractive in a generic, "nice lady who works at the dry cleaner's" sort of way, thereby making her several orders of magnitude too good for him.

Also, I'm now fascinated by the name Chris "Chubby" Frederick that appears about one third of the way down the page — as in, exactly how fat does he (or she) have to be in order to be distinctive for fatness in Virginia?

WhatTheHeck February 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Too much red wine makes people say dumb-ass shit.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

So does being a republican.

dsgruntled February 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

So their own families think its stupid, and they still dont get it?

DaRooster February 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

Perhaps they figure if their wives are dumb enough to be with them… what could they possibly know?

Gainsbourg69 February 24, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Guess whose campaign this fuck face is working for?

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:24 pm

RMONEY?

Gainsbourg69 February 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Yup. In the last week three of his campaign workers have been all over the news.
Babes, Grimm and now this idiot.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Lot of chatter on Twitter today about the Republicans dumping RMONEY. Some of it coming from Republican operatives. I wonder if it will happen.

HistoriCat February 25, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Unless they're going to go all in for for Santorum or the Newtster, I seriously doubt it.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Dane Cook's?

LetUsBray February 25, 2012 at 1:06 am

All of 'em, Katie?

Hitler?

Geminisunmars February 25, 2012 at 10:53 am

Anthony Comstock's?

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Oooh! Good one. I'd forgotten all about that pillar of American decencyness and goodnesshood.

Doktor Zoom February 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I prefer Julian, frankly. Young man has some forward-thinking ideas.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Andrew Dice Clay has a campaign?

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Will Hays?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_H._Hays

PS. Homely sumbitch, ain't he?

Beowoof February 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

What woman would fuck this guy with the Redskin Channel on TV, one wonders who she is fantasizing about.

Dudleydidwrong February 24, 2012 at 10:11 pm

("I wonder how that big football with those nice, rough lacings, would feel…compared with this jerk's pencil dick…")

Angry_Marmot February 25, 2012 at 3:00 am

All of them, Katie?

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

All of 'em, Katie!

poncho_pilot February 25, 2012 at 11:44 am

"…one wonders who she is fantasizing about."

my guess is either a tribe of Native Americans or a potato.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

The Weather Channel would be better fap material than this guy.

Dashboard Buddha February 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Too much mutherfucking jesus fucking christ information.

Geminisunmars February 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

TMMJFCI

MozakiBlocks February 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

No fucking kidding.

orygoon February 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Aristophanes would be so proud.

BarackMyWorld February 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Pffft…like she wanted to fuck him anyways.

Local_Mojo February 24, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I could not make it beyond "patented cool move."

It's pretty clear that this will not have a happy ending.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 11:54 pm

First video I kinda sorta listened to all the way through in a long time. I'm not bragging.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"It's pretty clear that this will not have a happy ending."

Oh, dear god, I hope that wasn't a double entendre.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I had a boy try that move on me in 7th grade, and it didn't work then.

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I suspect his real "patented move" is to pull out a couple of hundreds.

ThundercatHo February 24, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Yes! Go, Mrs. Albo! If more women refused to put out when their men acted like dickheads this world would be a much better place.

OzoneTom February 24, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Of course a lot of those men in GOP don't really want their women-beards to put out, as that would cause them to become physically sick and traumatized

See Sens. Larry Craig, Mitch McConnell for starters.

bagofmice February 25, 2012 at 2:01 am

In those cases, we're talking women-jowels.

KenLayIsAlive February 26, 2012 at 11:04 am

Yeah sure, but that's how you end up with priests. "I can be a total piece of shit and not get any, and we'll make it a sacrament!"

Wadisay February 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Thiz guy got a living adult human female to marry him?

Monsieur_Grumpe February 25, 2012 at 7:55 am

I suspect that she didn't marry him for his sense of humor.

MozakiBlocks February 25, 2012 at 11:07 am

Maybe she felt sorry for him?

fuflans February 26, 2012 at 12:12 am

it was the 46" tv.

not that Dewey February 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Doesn't your dog deserve Albo?

littlebigdaddy February 24, 2012 at 10:17 pm

No, my dog's a jerk and he gets Old Roy.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I think that would be bestiality for at least one species.

not that Dewey February 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I was thinking that some dog might enjoy trans-anally probing this guy.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

"Doesn't your man-on-dog deserve Albo?"

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I was going to say something about making poor dogs suffer, and then I realized, NO! Dogs would totally fuck anything they could, so they probably WOULD enjoy fucking the bejayzus out of Mr. Albo! And who could possibly deserve it more?

Also, too: It deserves to be the only sex he will ever get again in his life, if he is writing bills requesting that women who have been raped by some people then be raped again by the government with instruments — surely there's something against that in the various human rights conventions and legislation that we have signed — and have such information entered permanently in their medical records simply because they wish to exercise autonomy over their own ladyparts.

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 11:22 pm

No. If I had a dog he or she would deserve so much better.

chascates February 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Perhaps if these male malefactors were forced to undergo a digital prostate exam before being allowed to purchase condoms some consciousness raising would occur.

And not by a medical doctor but whoever is selling the condoms. The drug store clerk, gas station attendant or what have you.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Today we are all digital butthole examiners.

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Oh god I hope not, it's bad enough having to deal with cat anus in the face all the time.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:48 pm

All the time, really? Mine only used to achieve caltitude [= the maximum altitude of a cat's ass, according to science] when I was trying to read something.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

These guys seem to think that we're their actual biological parents, or something. They really do not get that whole "species difference" routine. Apparently, little felines have their Mom inspect their rear end every time they poop, and clean up any, uh, evidence. These guys do tend to get a bit carried away with it, though,despite repeated admonishment. I think I like cats because they're naturally anti-authoritarian. They really don't give a fuck what you think about having their ass in your face, if that's what they want to do, they're gonna do it anyway.

not that Dewey February 25, 2012 at 11:06 pm

cat anus in the face

Little Suzie, when one of the cats curls up on her, refers to the face/front paws of the cat as "the fun end". I GOT THE FUN END!

I say, "if you have the fun end, what do I have?"

THE BUTT AND LEGS!

user-of-owls February 26, 2012 at 12:20 am

Since my gata is of Christie-esque proportions, she has no ends to speak of so I always get the fun end.

chascates February 26, 2012 at 9:52 am

Or, the One-Eyed Cat.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 1:13 am

Awww! That is SO cute! I do love your little girl, she is just a squeezable. The fun end, indeed! My favourite little girl used to love the kittehs when she was a young'un. I think it was pretty much the first thing she reacted to as a baby. We would schlep her around in her carseat and sometimes would leave her buckled in it at the table in the breakfast nook, and she would reach her little hand out and want to stroke their fur.

Now she's all grown up, and all that stuff is way not cool enough for her. Enjoy li'l Suzie while you can, dood, they grow up all too fast.

bagofmice February 25, 2012 at 2:03 am

Digits are preferred amongst the straight community. Just sayin.

Angry_Marmot February 25, 2012 at 3:03 am

Wouldn't work. Some of these guys like rough trade.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

"forced to undergo a digital prostate exam before being allowed to purchase condoms … And not by a medical doctor but whoever is selling the condoms. The drug store clerk, gas station attendant or what have you."

Oh, boy!
Customer [played by Albo/Todd Palin/Herman Cain]: OK, so that's $20. worth of regular, this box of wine, and um… these.
[alarm bells ring, twirling red light flashes]
Clerk [yelling towards the back room]: Hey Billy Bob, we got us… a CUSTOMER!
Billy Bob [emerging from back room, snapping on a rubber glove]: Kuh-hyuk!

hunnybee February 25, 2012 at 4:02 pm

teh visual! it burns!

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Well, I did say that the customer was played by Albo/Todd Palin/Herman Cain, so that should make it entertaining in a sadistic way.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 1:16 am

Who'd'a thunk a nice Cat'lic girl could grow up so perverse and twisted? Huh?

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I'm watching Rachel, and she just played a tape of O'Malley just totally taking Lil' Bobby McDonnell apart while sitting right next to him at a Politico event, today. lol

trampndirtdown February 24, 2012 at 11:15 pm

McDonnell pwnd.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 12:33 am

I saw that too. You know what I also saw? I saw that weasley little so-called man McDonnell say that O'Malley was the one talking about social issues! What in the hell is WRONG wth these people? He doesn't even have the courage of his own convictions but he waves a vag probe around like a sceptor. Did you see the Dutch guy calling Rick out for being a liar too? Now you know what it feels like to live in Alabama. It's all, I swear to God he doesn't speak for all of us! We're not ALL morons just cause we live here, I swear! Barack must be a little pissed these guys aren't even gonna be a challenge. I mean, he is such a great debater, he must wish these asshats would get it together just a smidge so when he levels their playing field it ain't like he's kicking handicapped folks or something.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:47 am

Good point. It *almost* seems unfair. Until you remember what assholes they have been, and are, and how much we will all enjoy watching him wipe the floor with whichever mug is unlucky enough to be the chosen Sacrificial Lamb. Today's Pox Ooze Memes are: (1) Only 50% of Americans *like* the guy, so he won't win; and (2) It's HIS FAULT gas prices are SO HIGH!

And it's not working because they're getting called on it despite the media's frantic ball-licking.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 1:03 am

I'm not saying I won't enjoy it, I'm just saying it sucks to be a kick ass debate guy and have to argue with people who are fine with whatever the Pope or Joseph Smith say. If all you have to do is stand there and let Mr "colleges are indoctrination centers" do his thing, well ya know, it's a let down. Same as when I'm all ready for a fight and the old man says yeah, sorry, you're right before I even get to tell him he's a dick. Stealing thunder can be a drag.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:50 am

Oh, totes, that's the technique my partner uses when he wants to win an argument.

Man won't be able to show off half his flash and style, having to dance with a lackwit.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Kind of like the Harlem Globetrotters against the Washington Generals, if the Washington Generals were all douchebags.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

When I was a kid and went to see the Globetrotters, the local sports guy Herb Winches (great polyester sports guy name, no?) played with the Generals as a guest "star" for whatever reason (and the Globetrotters of course whooped that ass). Herb was a "family values guy" with ad contracts and a big Xtian mouth runner, making money with that whole bs routine going on – til he of course got busted in the hotel room with the coke and so forth. My point is, yeah, JUST like the Generals.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 9:52 pm

"Harlem Globetrotters against the Washington Generals, if the Washington Generals were all douchebags."

So like the Harlem Globetrotters against the Lakers?

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 7:30 pm

You're not a true Alabamian, you're a member of teh wonkette diaspora.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm

That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time!
I do cling to my wonkette nation like a baby orangutan on its mama's back.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 11:01 pm

You deserve to have many, many nice things said to you. If it all gets to be too much, come to MA and live with teh godless libruls!

DahBoner February 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

En Fuego De La Dicto?

Sounds expensive!

I'm guessing Free Breadsticks are not included…

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I'm no expert, but I think "En Fuego De La Dicto" is Mexican for "your dick is on fire", which doesn't sound promising for sexytime OR breadsticks.

Guppy February 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

1.) He deserves an apology for being denied his conjugal rights as a husband.

2.) That apology must come from the man he holds responsible for giving his wife ideas.

Oh, this isn't misogynistic at all

coolhandnuke February 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

On their very finest of lusty days, the procreation is average, the buttsex mediocre and the Redskins never cover in Fairfux.

Pop_Socket February 24, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I suspect that every evening ends with Mrs. Albo saying "I gotta go to bed." no matter what the lead story is on the late news.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 9:56 pm

You know, I'm glad they are Mainline, because if they were Evangelicals, we'd have heard about some domestic violence.

Good on the intentions of the Mrs, though, I fear this won't be a punishment for either of them, because, well, his speed is probably more truck stop action and her speed is probably someone actually attractive.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Watched the video. I don't know what they fuck they are laughing about, 'cause this shit ain't funny. These are some twisted bastards.

You know, places like Michigan and Wisconsin and New Jersey that made mistakes (and do from time to time) in 2010 will correct them. I feel bad for the folks that have had to live with the Republican Party (and the up until 2010, the Dixiecrat governments down south), and will have to continue to live with them.

MilwaukeeKent February 24, 2012 at 10:14 pm

The man plainly doesn't know the difference between his ass and his Albo.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:00 am

That deserves so many more upfists. Also bad puns in reply. I regret I'm too tired for one of the two.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm

There might be a bad pun worth making with some variation on "he's an Albotross around their necks" but I'm too tired to devise one. Hey, everybody! Free bad pun material here!

ShaveTheWhales February 25, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Radio Free Albomouth?

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Why did the bicycle take a nap?

Because it was two tired!

CogitoErgoBibo February 24, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Favorite part? Douchebag brought his own bow-chica-bow-bow soundtrack to accompany his fratboy story about how his wife rejected him for putting her ladybits up for state-sanctioned raping. Oh, iPod. I am sad that you played a part in this asshat's explanation of why, this time, his wife rejected him (as opposed to the 5,756 other times, using excuses like, "It's Wednesday.").

FROTHY February 24, 2012 at 10:25 pm

If more straight women would boycott these raging dicks, they wouldn't try to pass so many laws to control the pussy. We all owe Mrs. Albo a big TY.

FakaktaSouth February 24, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I boycott them all! I can't imagine trying to fuck an R anyway – I know he'd only be thinking about your pecker the whole time. Can't compete with what you ain't got…(hence all these fucking twat laws)

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:03 am

Srsly. Mitt's (and the Repuglies' in general) numbers are tanking now, because women voters are pissed. I'm pleased.

I don't even know why they're doing this. Surely they can't — even THEY can't — be this ABYSMALLY stupid.

DemmeFatale February 25, 2012 at 12:27 am

A late, great, lady-friend of mine always used to say: "When women vote, Democrats win."
Looks like she was right.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 12:47 am

I'm talking at you and Frothy – I wish there was a way to really do that. ANYway, my hope is that this shit is all about to jump the vaginal probe as it were…as a member of the betwatted class, I'd like for the end result of all this bullshit with Virginia, the Catholics and the Rs to be – we get it, you're a man or an idiot, you're wielding your penis power and making laws that don't have shit to do with you and that you know very little about (state forced external ultrasounds at the "days" preggo rate is BRILLIANT!) You are doing things for political effect, not results, not for the good of anyone. This is why it is now annoying more than offensive to me and my lady parts at this juncture. More women were elected the year they crucified Anita Hilll than any other year before or since. Enough, it's boring, you lose. When it stops working, they'll stop doing it, just like any erstwhile opinion or fleeting thought Mitt Romney's ever had. I just hope they lose so bad this time even THEY figure it out.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:53 am

Those of us who might naturally not be included on the yacht that the one percenters are sailing — you know, the Poorz, Brownz, LGBTQs, Wimminz — the only fucking way we're going to get anything like rights is to stick together in this fight. And it's a long term fight. Look at these fuckholes. They're refighting (or trying to) issues we thought we had *settled* when *I* was a youngun nearly half a century ago! And we have to be ready to fight it over and over again until we beat it into their fucking heads, that we are NOT going back. They want to take us back to a world that only existed in their heads, one that had NO PLACE for any of us. We are not going back to the back of the bus, or the back of the line, or where the fuck EVER they have in mind to take us back to. THEY'RE welcome to go, if they want. But we're linking arms, and we're staying right here, and we're going to keep fighting this fight till it's won.

Because we sure as fuck cannot afford that these monsters should ever win this battle and inflict upon our children and our world the horrors that you know they're contemplating.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 9:58 pm

"When women vote, Democrats win."

I think Democratic wins are also correlated with high voter turnout.

Negropolis February 24, 2012 at 10:41 pm

If we get the rentboys on board, we could shut the entire fucking country down. lol

BTW, it was the denial of sex that played a huge part in ending the Liberian civil war, no joke.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:03 am

You're giving me ideas.

glamourdammerung February 24, 2012 at 10:27 pm

So is someone going on a trip to the Dominican Republic to hit up some child brothels with Rush in the near future?

Jennyjen798 February 24, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I wonder if his wife is as imaginary as his wedding ring…

Soylent Green February 24, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I was going to start off by saying 'Republicans aren't funny'. I take it back. They are hilarious. Bill Maher won't even need to add a punchline.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Are you counting self-parody the same as being intentionally funny?

pinkocommi February 24, 2012 at 10:42 pm

My vajayjay wishes to commend the right honorable Ms. Albo for Lysistrata-ing her husband's ass. Or rather, cock.

el_donaldo February 24, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"one less republican in the world." O.K. I think we can all drink to that.

imissopus February 24, 2012 at 11:35 pm

OT: I sent this to the Tips line, but since the overlords just troll the comments for stories anyway I'm posting it here. It's too good not to share. It's what we've all been waiting for, basically: a guy has sued to get Obama off the ballot (in Alaska, natch) because the Prez has the black blood:
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/02/24/lawsuit-c
http://www.thegrio.com/politics/lawsuit-claims-ob

You knew it had to happen sometime.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:39 am

Yep. I've been waiting for four long years for the Repuglycunts to just flat-out lose it and start screaming "Nigger! Nigger! Nigger!" and now they've done it. They must be SO relieved. It's all out now. Lance that boil, Repuglies! Get it ALL outa your systems.

They're living in a different reality than the rest of the world.

mavenmaven February 25, 2012 at 1:20 am

That's what the teabaggers really mean when they talk about the Founding Fathers and defending the original Constitution…

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 1:34 am

As stated above, for an Individual to be a candidate for the office of president of the United States, the candidate must meet the qualifications set forth in the United States Constitution and one of those qualifications is that the Candidate shall be a “natural born citizen” of the United States. As Barack Hussein Obama II is of the “mulatto” race, his status of citizenship is founded upon the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Before the [purported] ratification of the Fourteenth Amendment, the race of “Negro” or “mulatto” had no standing to be citizens of the United States under the United States Constitution.

As the fourteenth amendment is only a grant of “civil rights” and not a grant of “political rights” Barack Hussein Obama II does not have and “political rights” under any provision of the United States Constitution to hold any Public Office of the United States government.

Send in the blue helmets; I'm calling upon the enforcement of the Geneva Convention, 'cause logic is being tortured, here.

This whole lawsuit and its filer can be sent to The Hague; no one will have lost any.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:43 am

I'm sorry, dood. Everyone will have GAINED any.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

I agree in spirit, but I'll suggest a couple of friendly amendments. First of all, let's not send the guy to the Hague, since they are all civilized about capitol punishment and torture and stuff. The Kenyan Usurper should extraordinarily render this moron's ass to Saudi Arabia where he can taste what prison in a real oppressive authoritarian regime feels like. I mean, damn, what's the point of being a despot who has illegally seized power and rules with an iron fist, if you can't make open drooling idiocy punishable by disappearance and daily thrashings?

And I wouldn't send the complaint to the Hague. Rather, all ten pages of it should be preserved under glass in the Smithsonian, as representing weapons-grade wingnut lunacy refined to its purest crystalline form. (Except that the spelling and grammar is better than I would have expected: only a handful of obvious mistakes. He must have asked the librarian at the law library to proofread it for him. But she did it while absent-mindedly talking on the phone so she missed some.)

The obsessive repetition of "Barack Hussein Obama" is there. The mind-boggling racism with a mock-legal polish is there: Dred Scott viewed as properly decided and never actually overturned. The misuse of misunderstood legal terminology is there, for example the distinction between a "dicta case" and a "stare decisis" case, as if non-overturned cases could be classed as intrinsically "obiter dicta" in their entirety, rather than merely parts of a decision taken to be incidental to the main result. The official – sounding distinctions extracted from deep in the darkest reaches of his ass, treated as if they were accepted fundamental, defined and meaningful distinctions in Constitutional law are there, for example the distinction in the quote you extract, between "Civil Rights" and "Political Rights", with only the former said to be guaranteed by the fourteenth amendment. The head-scratch prompting allusions to other "burning legal issues" that are no doubt discussed constantly in wingnut posting boards and quite rightly unknown anywhere else, for example the parenthetical "[purported]" inserted in front of "ratification" [of the fourteenth amendment]. And this is just a hint of the museum-quality wingnut "thinking" on display.

And of course the gross errors in logic are there, as you also note. My favorite was when he gives a one – paragraph quote from the decision in Minor v. Happersett (1874) that very clearly states (in paraphrase): "The question is whether this person is a citizen. Now sometimes there have been issues raised in this connection about people born in the US to only one citizen parent, but we have absolutely no need to resolve those disputes, because the case before us involves two citizen parents, and everybody agrees about that." In our hero's telling, this is transformed into "See! They say it has to be two citizen parents!"

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I would love to respond to this with something flippant and snarky, like "Run away with me," but my logic centers are so deeply gratified that I think I shall simply thank you politely instead.

ShaveTheWhales February 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

My brain seized up right around the introduction of the concept of "mulatto race", so thanks for this further explication.

imissopus February 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

You deserve a Congressional medal for reading through and summarizing, but all I can offer is a single upfist.

hunnybee February 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

thank you sir

Jukesgrrl February 25, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I especially approve of your idea of the Smithsonian displaying this abomination. I think the fact that these thoughts are percolating in any segment of our society should be put under a spotlight. To ignore it is akin to what the "white"-washers are trying to do with the history of the South. Upfist with enthusiasm.

Biff February 25, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Can't we press the complainant under glass instead?

DemmeFatale February 25, 2012 at 11:52 am

My dogs are greatly relieved!

weej_bain February 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Did they relieve themselves on the shoes of some deserving racist?

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:53 pm

(Hugs the weej) I shall take THIS image away with me, and it will keep me from attempting to strangle the next eejit who flaps its gums at me over this.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Those whistles must've been *killing* their poor little puppy ears.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

It's actually kind of a relief to hear them finally admit it.

not that Dewey February 25, 2012 at 1:33 pm

This was so idiotic that even PZ Myers took time out of his schedule to address it.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I love PZ, he's always so acidic. And I'm glad he took this idiot out to the woodshed.

imissopus February 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I was skimming through the comments over there and found a couple of people saying this guy appears to be a Sovereign Citizen, which makes sense. Those guys are goofballs. Dangerous goofballs though, because they are often caught killing or trying to kill judges and cops.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:57 pm

And driving on our public roads that were built with our public tax monies that they refuse to pay also too.

Fortunately, they're often easily spotted by their LARGE FOIL HELMETS!!

Geezus, the batshit is dialed up by a million today.

Jukesgrrl February 25, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I wasn't aware of that blog. It's really good. I especially enjoyed the comment from a reader named "carpenterman." "Frank Zappa put it perfectly: 'I’m not black, but there are times I wish I could say I’m not white.' This, for me, is one of those times. I don’t like sharing so much as a low-melanin level with this bozo."

Loaded_Pants February 25, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Is this guy from the law firm the represents the Palins?

Fukui-sanYesOta February 25, 2012 at 10:49 pm

No, but he's a repeat birther who also wrote to the chief justice (including his family crest) – and has the balls to admonish the chief justice:

There are rumors that the Clerk of the U.S. Supreme Court intercepts personal mail that is addressed to individual Justices of the U.S. Supreme Court. Hopefully this rumor is not true for any Public Employee obstructing the Mails of the United States commits a Criminal Act. This letter is not the business of the United States Supreme Court and as such, it is not the concern of the U.S. Supreme Court Clerk. As this rumor widely exist, please acknowledge the receipt of this letter.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 25, 2012 at 10:53 pm

He's also one of these fucking morons who believe that your name written in ALL CAPS is some kind of legal strawman which allows the government to borrow in your name and therefore you're not liable for any debts.

Example here

Your common-or-garden insane nutjob.

A result of the federal bankruptcy was the creation of the "UNITED STATES," which was made a part of the legal reorganization. The name of each STATE was also converted to its respective, all-caps legal person, e.g. STATE OF DELAWARE. These new legal persons were then used to create more legal persons, such as corporations, with all-capital letters names, as well. Once this was accomplished, the con began to pick up speed. All areas of government and all alleged "courts of law," are de facto, "color of law and right" institutions. The "CIRCUIT COURT OF WAYNE COUNTY" and the "U.S. DISTRICT COURT" can recognize and deal only with other legal persons. This is why a lawful name is never entered in their records. The all-caps legal person is used instead. Jurisdiction in such sham courts covers only other artificial persons.

The proper jurisdiction for a lawful being is a Constitutionally sanctioned, common-law-venue court. Unfortunately, such jurisdiction was "shelved" in 1938 and is no longer available. The only courts today are statutory commercial tribunals collecting tribute (plunder) from the alleged Creditors who think they have conquered the country on their way to ruling the world.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 12:16 am

Racism and insanity aside, I generally try to keep a low profile. I don't post much on facebook; I'm reticent even about most of those Credo online petitions — do I really want my name permanently associated with this?

I certainly do not FILE A WHOLE BUNCH OF INSANE SHIT ON THE RECORD AT A COURTHOUSE and draw attention to my insanity. I guess he and I just differ on this, and every other, point.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm

One more reply:

This fuck attempted the to rescind the 14th amendment back in 1995. He's a big-time racist shit.

He's also argued that Dred Scott was never truly overturned.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 12:20 am

And what's with these fuckwits and their aversion to the gold-fringed "admiralty" flags?

Fukui-sanYesOta February 26, 2012 at 12:40 am

Insanity knows no limit, I think. I've seen these "accepted for value" (A4V) fuckballs attempt to prevent foreclosures or not pay federal tax using this shit.

Naturally it never works. Sometimes they go to jail.

Designer_Rants February 24, 2012 at 11:38 pm

"Hoh, man! 'member that time we're all like, 'trans-vag, trans-vag', and then Ol' Frowny-Face Sugar-Tits over there was all 'I'm a Democrat, waa! waa!'? And all those "silent protesters" stood outside that one day. Ooooo, "Silent Protesters". Whaddya gonna do? Not talk me outta State Sponsored Rape? HOOHOOHOOhehehe! And THEN… my wife wouldn't even fuck me 'cause she saw me on the news and realized how much I hate her! Hahahahahahahahaha! Oh god, oh god, you guys KILL me! How do we even get PAID for this shit??"

"Seriously. Are we just supposed to keep pranking people? Because I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something we could do to make things better?"

"pfffssssSSSSHAWHAHAHAWHA!! I'M FUCKING WITH YOU GUYS! HAWHAWHAW!"

"Alright, shut up. Let's vote on this 'piss test everyone but us' thing."

imissopus February 24, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Today we are all dudes who are not getting laid. (Sob)

BTWBFDIMHO February 24, 2012 at 11:51 pm

GOP jerk sounds like a redundancy. There is no editor here?

upthruster February 25, 2012 at 12:04 am

Relax…she's either using the rythm method or abstinance. Both are acceptable to Catholics.

Angry_Marmot February 25, 2012 at 7:22 am

Acceptable to the government of the Catholic church; Catholic church members are using birth control.

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Hell, they are popping them like pez. There is a reason that American fertility rates are now below replacement. lol

MinAgain February 25, 2012 at 12:41 am

I guess Virginia isn't for lovers, after all.

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 12:59 am

I've been trying to figure out why they are laughing so riotously, and I think I got it: when you fuck up so utterly, so completely, as a legislative body, and you finally get that you have, what else are you going to do? This is the very definition of nervous laughter.

Do they finally realize that they morally collapsed so thoroughly that even hell won't have them; that even the prince of air winced; that even the ghost of Bob Novak is telling them to "back the fuck up"? Could this be the tea party's Rick Perry "oops" moment?

You know, I don't usually read too many comments on articles, but I checked a full page of comments on a story about this on Yahoo. Even the baggers are saying "too far." Every. single. comment.

So, enjoy your laugh while you can, because, maybe, America's just not that in to you, anymore. Maybe, they've come to realize that you're the type that will kill their pet rabbit and make it into stew than for no other reason than that you can.

Meanwhile, across the river and in a large part of America, the nation is trying to get on with the rest of its life the best it can having to live next to this riff raff. Across the river they are working on letting people live honest and open and dignified lives, and not only not sticking unwarranted stuff in other humans, but getting out of the bedroom, entirely. Across the river, life is moving on, and tomorrow will come, and when it does, it'll be just that much better.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm

"I've been trying to figure out why they are laughing so riotously, and I think I got it: when you fuck up so utterly, so completely, [...] what else are you going to do? This is the very definition of nervous laughter."

It's like when you're about eight years old, and you do something monumentally jack-assy, and get caught. Your parent says, sarcastically, "I bet you're REAL proud of yourself, aren't you?", and in some twisted way, you actually kind of *are*.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

OMG. We're twins, aren't we?

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm

We're both so gorgeous that it's probably better for our safety, and that of all the rest of the world, that we're *not* twins.

I think most kids have pulled a stunt like that at least once, though.

Loaded_Pants February 25, 2012 at 8:16 pm

One of my favorite bits from Bill Cosby because my parents would say almost the same things to me:

When [mothers] ask you a question, you try and answer, they tell you to shut up! "Day and night, night and day, work my fingers to the bone, for what?" "I don't…" "SHUT UP! And when I ask you a question, you keep your trap shut! Think I'm talking to hear myself talk? ANSWER ME!"

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Can't remember where I read this, but when the author was a kid, his mother was on his case to do… something or other… that he didn't feel like doing; and she said, "Do I ever ask you for anything?"
The kid said, "Yes, of course. You ask me for things *all the time*."
Needless to say, that was NOT the right answer.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 12:27 am

You mean like that one time I set the 10 acre field next to the BofA on fire, then pulled the fire alarm, and got an article in the Trib calling me a hero, but my mother somehow didn't buy it and busted my face anyway?

tessiee February 26, 2012 at 1:11 am

I'd'a busted you in the chops, too.
Really, you set the field *next* to Bank of America on fire? You're that lazy, you couldn't have walked the extra three steps and burned BofA down?

Biff February 26, 2012 at 1:25 am

The field was the fuse, you see. This was *years* before Isla Vista, I was cutting edge!

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:14 pm

(Hugs Negropolis) Thank you, baby. We SHALL overcome.

Gainsbourg69 February 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Thankfully this piece of good news come with an added bonus. I read this week that Ken Cuccinelli has decided to jump to the front of the queu and will take on McDonell's Lt. governor in the upcoming GOP primaries. If he wins the nomination he'll lose big and Virginia will be rid of him.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

That's the *second* thing you said today that makes me *really* happy. I have a lot of work to do, so thank you very much.

hunnybee February 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm

thank you sir.

mavenmaven February 25, 2012 at 1:22 am

GOP jerk will now have to jerk off.

fartknocker February 25, 2012 at 1:29 am

Oklahoma number 1
North Carolina a close number 2
Virginia kind of 3rd in stupid, numb nut politicians telling tea bagger stories about being lucky enough to orgasm hard enough to create a kid

I still give Oklahoma street credibility for the fucktard wanting to kill a Senator and zygote death squads. We're really fucked as a nation. Shit, Rick Perry returned to Texas and he's a quiet as a church mouse.

Jukesgrrl February 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I'd put NC below SC on such a list. They never had a representative scream, "You lie," to the president during a State of the Union message being delivered on live TV. Not to mention that fuckwad DeMint. And don't forget Kansas. They've got those halfwits who picket funerals and they don't have to legislate against abortion … they just murder the doctors. But feel free to keep Oklahoma as #1.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Also, Jesse Helms was a senator in NC, for *generations*.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 12:09 am

As of the last decade or so, though, they've been surprisingly tame, at least by comparison. And, I don't care how narrowly he won it (and how much that was due to migration from the north), Obama still won what is still a decidedly Southern state. Also, female, Democratic governor. Too. You have any many so-called progressive states where that still isn't possible, let alone in the South.

Few states have come as far as North Carolina in modernizing itself, and I say that as a Michigander who hates that they are stealing all of our college-educated 20 and 30-somethings.

unclejeems February 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

OK, but the republicans in the state legislature are going to screw the pooch with their redistricting plan. Hope you're ready.

MosesInvests February 26, 2012 at 12:00 am

Hell, Gov. Goodhair hasn't even been to work, hardly, since he got his ass handed to him in the primaries.

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 2:33 am

Mrs. Radio has a new legislative proposal: It's not a person if the conception doesn't involve female orgasm. Hell yes, sign me up for that.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I like Mrs. Radio.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 2:38 am

No, but it sounds like he's going to be turning Japanese a lot from now on.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:50 am

I'm going to regret clicking that, aren't I?

AREN'T I?

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:51 am

Hahaha, your linky, it no worky.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 3:15 am

Turning Japanese

Now it works, but my intertubes connection really SUCKS tonight.

DerrickWildcat February 25, 2012 at 4:11 am

The Vapors, who did, "Turning Japanese", has been relegated to a one hit wonder. Although this may be true, the album that, "Turning Japanese" came from, "New Clear Days" is absolutely fantastic. A really overlooked album.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm

One of the DJs at a radio station I used to listen to played "Turning Japanese" at the start of his morning shift.
This would have been a good wake-up song, except that the date was December 7.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Thanks, Derrick. Will check.

You're a treasure trove of fascinating bits of information. (Hugs the Derrick)

RavenRant February 25, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I LOVE that album. 'Waiting for the Weekend', 'Trains', 'Spring Collection'…

Thanks for reminding me of it.

Re: The phrase 'turning japanese', the earliest use of it I've seen in print is in the play 'Mr. Roberts' when he's trying to get shore leave for his men.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:23 pm

You are a truly horrible person, pdog. Truly horrible.

Yeah, yeah, blame ME for clicking the linky. Like you didn't know I wouldn't be able to resist. AAAAAAUUUGGHHH!

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 6:46 pm

The urban dictionary is weird.

Angry_Marmot February 25, 2012 at 3:07 am

Able was I ere I saw Albo.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna Albo.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

OK, now you're just showing off!

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:19 pm

"Madam, I'm Albo."

What is, "what will Albo have to say to the proprietor before paying for sex"?

snackypants February 25, 2012 at 3:13 am

After watching this video, all I can think is "this is what our lawmakers do all day?"

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 3:22 am

His wife should have given him a quick albo to his gonads.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

She would never stoop so low.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 3:29 am

OT (but maybe not), this video message is brought to you by the Republican National Presidential Campaign Committee.

Damm I miss Gilda.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Srsly.

iburl February 25, 2012 at 3:45 am

Horrible Stand Up Comedy as Governance.

Schmegeg February 25, 2012 at 4:07 am

Cinemax has optioned this story.

freakishlywrong February 25, 2012 at 7:15 am

Boo fucking hoo. Note to conservatives: Don't be fucking, women hating assholes and maybe you'll get laid. I hear Babeu is free.

ttommyunger February 25, 2012 at 7:19 am

I can guess what she was thinking: "Finally, a reason besides the fact that you are fat, ugly, have a tiny dick, never make me cum and your breath smells like weasel urine."

DemmeFatale February 25, 2012 at 12:00 pm

lol!
(This is OT, Tommy, but I'd love your military insight into the shithead Allen West.
I am going to see my smarmy, asshole of a cousin soon, and he is a fundraiser for this POS.)

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 8:31 pm

You might want to check out Allen West's Democratic opponent, Patrick Murphy. I gave some Ameros to his campaign recently even though I have no connection to Florida – just to feel like I was doing something to help get the blah Jughead out of Congress.

DemmeFatale February 25, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Thanks!
I got lots of info on this wackadoo!
(West is kind of obsessed with the Third Reich, isn't he?)

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

West is a classic fuck-up. He fucked his career up and he is busy fucking his current endeavors up. Google has a rap sheet on him a mile long.

neiltheblaze February 25, 2012 at 8:02 am

So she didn't withhold sex for aesthetic reasons?

Monsieur_Grumpe February 25, 2012 at 8:05 am

Is the punch line that Chuckles has a big TeeVee or that his dick is really small?

weej_bain February 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

MG, probly both since the size of a fellah's teevee is a corollary to the adage about the inverse relationship between the size of their manhood and how high their pick-me-up truck is jacked.

elburritodeluxe February 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

,,, but he's such an asshole he voted for the bill anyway.

An_Outhouse February 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

Unfortunately this is a perfect example of the narcissistic assholes who go into politics. Do you have colleagues at work that would tell that story? In front of an audience? with a microphone? Would you marry someone like that? Would you stay married to someone after that?

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

"Do you have colleagues at work that would tell that story?"

We've all had at least one cow-irker that would tell that story, or a similarly awful story, with complete cluelessness, never realizing that it reveals much more about *them* than it does about the other person.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Someone actually comes in to the office and tells stories about their sex life? That's totally a sexual harassment case in the making, dood.

Our Corporate Overlords put us through a three-day training hell to make it clear to us that NOTHING about our personal lives was EVER to be discussed in the workplace. EVER. Telling someone your kid was sick might be OK if it was your immediate supervisor/dept head or HR, but telling anyone outside that chain of command was considered "inappropriate use of company time." Telling someone your wife wouldn't schtup you? They'd send two guys with boxes to your desk and walk you off campus within the hour.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

The assmarmot in question was a divorced man in his 40s who drove a corvette, so he could pick up high school girls. The story wasn't a sex story per se, it was about how he had rolled over his car the past weekend, and walked away without a scratch. The take-away he got from this was not that he was incredibly lucky, or that god protects fools, but that rolling your car over was no big deal.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I presume he has since lost his job, or his life. Geez. People like that don't last long in a job unless they're the tech genius in the company.

OTOH, WTF do I know, I once worked with a guy I shall only refer to as SkunkMan (he had LONG black hair with short white edges) who had degrees in CS and chemistry and had published a shitload and held patents of various kinds and still taught and flew his own plane, and was the most obnoxious lecher I ever met. Fortunately, he saved his lechery for women of Eastern European extraction with significant mileage on them, if not their boobs.

BlueStateLibel February 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Those who talk about it the most do it the least, without fail, as this guy demonstrates.

DaRooster February 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

Man that guy's fucked… oh wait.

DaRooster February 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

That polo would look great… on your floor.

Yowsah!

imissopus February 25, 2012 at 4:11 pm

That shirt is very becoming on you…and if I was on you, I'd be cumming too.

Hi-yo!

DaRooster February 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

SNAP! YO!

DaRooster February 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

Hey Alpo… it ain't the bill… have some salad.

SudsMcKenzie February 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

(weekend): I'm watching her show for the first time and I think Mellisa Harris Perry makes Nia Malika Henderson look like Maria Teresa Kumar.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:25 pm

I think Monica Bellucci makes Kathleen Beller look like Maria Bello.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 12:43 am

Nia looks like more fun to me, but I'm probably older than her father, which automatically makes me a creep.

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 10:58 am

Poor Dave Albo. No more trans-vaginal sexy-time for him. Maybe he should uphold a long-standing Republican tradition and go for some hawt trans-sexual sexy-time now.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Or a rentboy.

ETA: IBC (Interrupted By Cat) The Republicans seem to have a lot more of the hentai demographic than Democrats do, although they're not out about it. They might, in the current common pop use of the term, even merit being called "polymorphously perverse." Although they're just basically perverse, period, really.

OneDollarJuana February 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

My proposal is to require a body cavity search when applying for concealed-carry permit, or purchasing any firearm. It is already illegal to do so if you are a felon, intoxicated, or engaged in criminal activity. So it's not unreasonable to require an aggressive body cavity search just to make sure the applicant is not carrying illegal drugs.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

That is a truly great idea! Every time one of these abortion-obstacle bills comes up, this should be proposed as an amendment. Also we should make anyone wanting to buy a gun watch a 3 hour video of people with parts of their bodies blown off, parents weeping at the funerals of their children who have died in gun accidents or as victims of intentional shootings, etc. We want to make sure that people buying guns have "all the available information" to give "informed consent" to having a gun around the house.

People would be required to attend a full screening of the video for each gun they want to purchase. Now of course, we would be reasonable: people would be allowed to look away from the screen and put fingers in their ears if they chose.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"just to make sure the applicant is not carrying illegal drugs"

If you framed it as part of the "war on drugs", they'd pass a law requiring public beheadings.

Barrelhse February 25, 2012 at 11:16 am
ShaveTheWhales February 25, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Oh, for fuck's sake.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I think all those back-alley abortions she's had must have scrambled her brains.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

She always kept them in her cunt, and apparently, one of those abortions scraped them right out.

Gainsbourg69 February 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

It is god's will that this moron becomes the candidate and the GOP loses huge.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I have decided that you are *just* as qualified to pronounce on this as any other opinionator the GOP is producing of late, so UPFIST.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:57 pm

"you are *just* as qualified to pronounce on this as any other opinionator the GOP is producing"

There's a play by Aristophanes (the guy who also wrote Lysistrata) called "the Birds", where the birds plan to team up with the humans for world domination.
Bird 1: But why would the humans want to team up with us?
Bird 2: Maybe we have something they want?
Bird 3: As far as I can tell, all the humans care about is money.
Bird 2: So, we advise them on their investments.
Bird 1: But what do we know about investments?
Bird 2: Your predictions are as valid as anybody else's.

It's also the origin of the term "Cloud Cuckoo Land".

[yes, I am a geek, I know it]

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:13 am

But this is what we love best about you.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Also, Tweeted, with attribution.

TxSpinyLizrd February 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

But, but, I thought Michele Bachmann's campaign was God's will…and then Rick Perry's…
Is Ceiling Cat unusually fickle these days?

imissopus February 25, 2012 at 4:12 pm

God ordered all of them to run because He needed a laugh.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I do not like this God of theirs. It is one coldhearted motherfucker.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I dunno, sounds like their God is a pretty smart dude. It's pretty obvious he despises them as much as we do for their stupidity. Too bad they're all too stupid to realize it.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 9:15 pm

You know how cats are. (plays with small, still-alive prey for 20 secs. Loses interest. Naps. Wakes. Eats not-quite-dead-prey. Vomits. Walks away from still-twitching carcass.)

yyyaz February 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I have a fiver that says if you gave Santorrhea a bucket of god swill he would drown in it.

Loaded_Pants February 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Fuck. Those two morons were just made for each other. Who knows how stupid they've made their kids from that hoemskoolin.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I think I'm beginning to see why all these RWNJs create these WingnutWelfare organizations, like Heritage Foundation. All that homeskooling has left them utterly unqualified and unfit to hold an actual job.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Blowing the Koch brothers isn't a job?
Herman Cain protests this.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:14 am

well, when you put it THAT way …

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 11:38 pm

If this is god's will, that dude's a total dick.

cheaphits February 26, 2012 at 9:39 am

They have kinda cleaned ol' Karen up and streamlined her a little And notice she learned the 'child-as-prop' thing from the Grifter Queen)…the campaign must be bringin' in a few bucks now.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:17 am

Santorum has brought in VERY LITTLE MONEY. TPM has a chart showing how much each candidate has raised from individualand corp. donors. Santorum has raised barely half of what the next candidate up the ladder from him has raised. He's got to be running this campaign on credit. Sooner or later the lack of funds will surely force him from the race.

And Karen Santorum really needs to wash her hair. I have never seen such a greasy-looking woman on a public stage. Can't someone get her a decent haircut-and-wash and some clothes in her size?

WiscDad February 25, 2012 at 11:22 am

I didn't think GOP'ers even HAD sex…Learn something new every day

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Well, usually not with women — or at least not with the kind of women that you don't have to either pay, or blow up with a bicycle pump.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 12:49 am

It's a Greek thing…

weej_bain February 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

Weekend OT

For any Michigan Wonketters, you might consider cross-dressing crossing-over in yer open primary and help to pants Mittens, a magic undies Wikileak so-to-speak. The TPM has a fun bit on this, which the DailyKos is calling Operation Hilarity. You spartan wolverines get a better deal drag voting than here in Washington, since you can do some frothy surge splurging with the elephants on Tuesday and still be able to vote with the DRats in March.

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I will probably be weighing up until the day what I'm going to do. I so badly want to vote for Santorum, but I also don't want my name on lists the parties are going to sell. I wish these were still secret ballots.

swordfis February 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

Contrarian opinion: Yes, this guy is a dick by definition, but his ironically self-deprecating presentation (he knows what he looks like, after all) puts him a large number of notches about the other Vaginal Probers for Probity. Can you imagine Santorum doing this? (I assume you are cringing already.)

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I think that makes him worse. The cutesy-pie "I was a baaaad wittow boy, you caught me wif my hand in the cookie jar" levity suggests someone who gets out of jams by using this faux-self-depreciation as a tactic, rather than admitting fault. And, though he's playing it for (ahem) laughs, he's blaming the demise of the bill on two people:

a) an opponent of the bill having the poor taste to actually talk on TV about what the bill actually meant. The clear suggestion is that he presented things in a way that those emotional women would just get carried away and not see how rational the men were being.

b) "The Old Ball and Chain – you know, you can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, know what I'm saying people? – oh, yeah – this guy up front knows what I'm talkin' about – amirite? What's your name — Bill? OK, people let's have a big hand for Bill, he gets it! [scattered applause] Now last night, I was settling in with She Who Must Be Obeyed – there you go, Bill's laughing again – what did I tell ya? He's been there – So I was settling in with She Who Must Be Obeyed – and I mean "settling in" [exaggerated meaningful look to audience] – that's right, the settling in kind of settling in, knowwhatimsaying, and then she's all "do know know what you're forcing women to do with this bill?" — no, not you, Bill, the law-type bill – and then she's all "I am so angry at you, I don't want you to touch me tonight." Now I'm not saying she gets emotional, but I put on a bullet proof vest when I hear that tone. But you know me – dutiful husband – so I troop down to the guest room for the night. And that's why I'm here today [Makes cute baby face - Audience: Aaaawwwww.]….

Given the choice I'll take a straight-up theocrat like Santorum any time, over someone who wants the same goals, and will work equally assiduously to achieve them, but masks it with lame, responsibility denying frat-nerd humor.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm

"The cutesy-pie "I was a baaaad wittow boy, you caught me wif my hand in the cookie jar" levity suggests someone who gets out of jams by using this faux-self-depreciation as a tactic, rather than admitting fault."

I had an ex who used to do this when he fucked up, as if he were asking me for *permission to be naughty*. In certain very limited private settings, that can be a turn-on, but outside the bedroom, it gets really old, really fast.

ShaveTheWhales February 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Nicely done, Rumpole, I mean, Chich.

I'm not sure I agree with your choice, though. This weasel is certainly more embarrassing to listen to (and why are all those other schmucks chuckling?), but I see him as somewhat less of a true believer than His Frothiness.

Of course, this is like a choice between anthrax and ebola, so perhaps not worthy of much discussion.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Thanx – I'll celebrate the accomplishment with a glass of Chateau Thames Embankment.

In re: not as bad as Santorum. Maybe you and swordfis are right. I've just had life kick me in the ass too many times for mistakenly taking hail-fellow-well-met jocular bonhomie as a sign of decency or the absence of lunatic fanaticism. Maybe it's made me over-cautious about such types.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I've enjoyed reading the analysis and comments, but now must put in my two cents. You are correct, I believe. What this person ^^ is saying is not one whit less offensive than what Rick Santorum has been saying. The presentation is designed to reduce the perception of the offensiveness by invoking all those "in-group" social cues that we know so well. The sharing of laughter (that is aimed at reinforcing the perception that the group IS an in-group, that these powerful men who are making these decisions that will affect other people are all in the same boat, and correct about their decisions, etc.), the invoking of the underlying assumptions that then pass unquestioned into the bases of the discussion (women are emotional; they manipulate men by withholding sex; they are incapable of deciding what is to be done about the V-word).

I b'leev I'll share a glass of said beverage, we're out of plonk in the old homestead.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Oh, yes, and in my opinion, the Albos of the world are *worse* than the Santorums. The Santorums are crazy and telegraph it from a sufficient distance that you cannot mistake them for nonhostiles. The Albos, with their hail-fellow-well-met cheer and backslappings, their iPod with their very own bow-chicka-wow-wow seduction music — these people are just as sociopathic as those people, but they disguise it better, and people get fooled by the disguise.

Let us never forget that we are talking about a man, and a group of his fellows, who decided it would be a good idea to have the government re-enact rape upon victims of said rape, while denying those same services to pregnant women who *want* ultrasounds to determine the health of their fetus.

Doktor Zoom February 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I respect you greatly, Chichikovovich, but I must express a niggling doubt on one small matter: The chances that this twit would use a Rumpole of the Bailey reference are vanishingly small.

Like his penis.

Designer_Rants February 25, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Your mock comedy routine retelling was much better than mine (comment above), and you didn't rely heavily on all-caps. Hats off to you, sir. You're a better commenter than I.

Chichikovovich February 26, 2012 at 7:38 am

Thanks – kind of you to say that. But you shouldn't think in terms of better and worse – Wonkette is such a great place to hang because everyone's funny and brings something unique to the mix.

The place would be perfect if at least one or two of the trolls were actually funny. Maybe we should ask our generous paymaster George Soros if he'll hire a couple.

ShaveTheWhales February 26, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Presumes facts not in evidence, i.e., funny ("conservative"/Republican) trolls.

Designer_Rants February 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I'll bring that up about the trolls on our weekly conference call with Mr. Soros tomorrow. And I'll tell him: "Needz moar Obummers SuperPAC moniez."

sanantonerose February 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm

If he sponsored the bill, didn't he cockblock himself? Albo should crank up that sexxxy mama music again and seek an immediate apology from himself.

Here's a better picture, also: http://www.davealbo.com/Delegate_Dave_Albo%3A_VA_

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Oh, man, she's *way* too good for him. I hope he's sleeping on the floor of the doghouse for the next month.

OTOH, if she's anything at all like my ex (and I note a certain resemblance in the EYES OF DEATH RIGHT THERE, dear), she'll kill him slowly for the next six months without ever having to say a word. That woman had the *cats* obeying her. You know how difficult it is to get a *cat* to obey?

Geminisunmars February 26, 2012 at 5:49 am

You're lucky you got out alive.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:23 am

You don't know the ex. We all used to joke about her Patented Laser Death Glare. When Faridah Peeplez was still alive, and after Madame De Farge and I split up, Faridah got very cavalier about climbing on the dining table all uninvited. Since my idea of "disciplining" animals (and children) involves using extreme sarcasm, to which cats are unfortunately immune, she pretty much owned the fucking thing after a few weeks.

Well, Madame came home for a visit after a year or two. Faridah was on the table and I was running around getting every last benighted speck of dust vacuumed up, since Madame has very high standards, to which she demands the rest of the world conform. Faridah saw her coming up the stairs some 30 feet away, leapt off the table, shot out of the house and refused to come back down the hill until Madame left, a day later. Madame thinks this is hilariously funny, although the furthest concession she made to actually experiencing this emotion was a small curl of the lip.

I do love my ex, I always will, but she is one hell of an intimidating woman.

DemmeFatale February 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Rose!!
Good to see you!

Biff February 26, 2012 at 1:02 am

Wow, you've been gone a long time–good to "see" you!

freakishlywrong February 25, 2012 at 12:15 pm

OT but I just watched Semper Fi on MSNBC. It's a moving, angering, fantastic doc on the Camp Lejeune fiasco. Master Sgt. Ensminger should run for office, we need people like him in Government. Selfless in the face of personal horrible loss.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:16 pm

What the…
She won't have sex??
That WHORE!!

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

No, no, no, she's a *bitch.* *Whores* have sex with *anyone,* for munniez.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

"She's *not* Japanese."

But she's wearing a yellow sweater.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Teh Googlez won't tell me what that means. (sniff!)

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 1:32 pm

There was a story here on teh wonketz a few weeks ago where the Rs ran a picture of an Asian woman wearing a yellow sweater. They had originally captioned it, "Yellow Girl". To their surprise — because they're, you know, idiots — there was objection to this, so they recaptioned it, "Yellow Sweater Girl".

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Oh, god, Pete Hoekstra's ad, OMG!! (Beats head against keyboard)

Thanks, darlz.

Biff February 25, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Yerrow Guh!

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:24 pm

All together now, fellow wonketeers, and really sing it out!
*raises arms as if to conduct a choir*
HAH ha!!

smokefilledroommate February 25, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Siddown, Albo! (motions to back of bus)

Redhead February 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Cry me a river, ya douche.

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Teevee is their foreplay, now that's fucking disgusting.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Matt Taibbi, anyone? He does a great job of describing how these folks have turned into the disgustingly ignorant, LCD, eat their own mess they are this election cycle. Good Lord I am so in love with this guy, it is ri-donk.
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/blogs/taibbl

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm

That's a great article – thanks. Bunch of stuff it makes me want to talk about, but I can't spend all day paying my tributes to the classical gods and goddesses of snark. Actual work to do.

But I couldn't let slip Paul's remark about post WW II, which I hadn't heard. {I know Paul is no hawk, and so this remark applies more to the other people on stage presumably nodding and the people applauding than it does to him}:

"You know what the government did? They cut the budget by 60 percent. And everybody went back to work again, you didn't need any special programs.

Obviously this is dumb along an enormous number of linearly independent dimensions (for example the ignoring of the GI Bill, VA health care, etc. that Taibbi notes.) But the sheer unreality of that number. Yes, they cut the budget by 60 percent. But it was not because Truman was some kind of Thatcherite. They had been running a war that had mobilized, in one way or other, virtually the entire country, and which had lasted (the US part in it, that is) three years. And you know what it tells you that the budget was cut that much? It tells you that wars are f**king expensive! That is what it tells you.

And unless the Republicans are planning to slash the military budget by an amount comparable to the cuts post-WW II [I joke, da, da. You know how Chichikovovich he is devil with the jokes] the spending cuts have nothing to do with anything.

God, it's like trying to bail a leaky boat with a thimble. Whatever zombie falsehood you may get out of the vessel is replaced tenfold before you can make another pass.

I sure hope people outside the hopeless 27% are catching on, because I can't take much more of this.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 3:38 pm

(Hugs the Chich) Hold on, fella. We can't afford to lose you!

Take two shots of brandy and call me in the morning.

Gainsbourg69 February 26, 2012 at 2:14 am

Don't forget taxes. Young Mr. Grace and Newt completely ignore the role taxes play during the good times.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 25, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Oh, superb article. Thank you!

Designer_Rants February 25, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Basically, they've spent so much time bulshitting themselves that all problems are caused by brown people or liberals or not-devout-enough Christians, that people are starting to say "mmm, I was going along with that for a few decades, but now… Where's your proof?" Conservatives, it's time to face facts: you're part of the problem, especially the people you elect to office.

owhatever February 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

That was just her latest excuse. She has a different excuse for every night, going back several years. "No, I've got to defrost the freezer." or "Not tonight, I have to finish painting the outhouse." an "Not tonight, my liver hurts." or "OK, but I've got a bad case of the runs."

You say Virginia, I say Vaginia, you say Vargina, I say Viringa, you say Viagra, I say Purina, let's call the whole thing off.

And, you lost the war. Also.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Not much of a story, but the headline

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm

A liberal blog out of Alabama about a GOP poll done by a black University with a title straight up made for Wonkers about Rick's continuing destruction of the R-party? I like it!

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Tweet! Tweet!

not that Dewey February 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm

It usually does.

LetUsBray February 25, 2012 at 7:16 pm

An Alabama three-way also generally involves someone squealing like a pig, doesn't it?

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Especially if they've got a purty mouth.

Doktor Zoom February 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

OT: Area Man successfully transfers guts of pathetic computer to new case with awesome graphics card, temporarily impresses 14-year-old son.

In a related development, Area 14 Year Old vanishes into Assassin's Creed II for rest of weekend.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I think I might know that Area Man.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I think Area Man needs to show Area 14 Year Old this.

JohnnyBrooklyn February 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm

"So I snuck out of the house while my wife was asleep and met my aide, and very dear friend, Steve."

RavenRant February 25, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Anyone else notice that these ultra-religious, mega-moral, holier-than-thou types all got the porn 'joke' instantly, and laughed uproariously?

Sexual morality = something to be imposed on dirty, slutty wimmin and their nasty, disgusting lady parts. Men are free to do whatever they like with their bits. Just as God intended it.

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 6:20 pm

And then his stupid porn music didn't even work. And it probably was a cassette player.

Chet Kincaid February 25, 2012 at 6:16 pm

371 comments at 5:14 pm on Saturday?? You fucking slackers!! We're never getting to 3,000 at this pace!! I expect 1,000 out of FROTHY alone!!

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Well, Chet, that was the Worst. Porn. Ever. I think we are all a little bit off our games after watching that. C'mon FROTHY, you can call me dood a 1,000 times.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Dood.

X 1K

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Since you're so game, old chum, and willing to be called "Dood" in public, yet, I think I should give you an explanation of the origins of "dood." Warning: it's boring. Honest.

See, in many North Indian languages, "doodh" is the word for "milk." As you probably already know, most Norteamericanos have difficulty with the soft dental d, which doesn't exist in the English language, and the *aspirated* dental h, well, we won't even go into that. The little Indian-born scalawags in language classes had the best time in the world making up sentences that included the word "doodh" just to torment their American-born compatriots who couldn't help "dood"-ing every time.

Chet Kincaid February 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Aha! The big blue GPS circle is shifting over to a particular part of the globe…

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

HAHAHA! Sorry to do this to ya, Chet, but aforesaid Indian language classes were taking place here in the USA. You don't think little Indian-born Indian kids go to classes to learn their OWN language, do ya? No, this was to teach the little American-born kids their native tongue and the little Indian kids got dragged in there because their parents were terrified that they would forget how to speak to the grandparents and other relatives.

I grew up speaking five languages, at least two of which are Indian languages, and one, obviously, is English. I know that doesn't make it any easier for you, dood, but think of it this way: We're BOTH having so much fun! Oh, and I learned to speak and write English mainly from books, since, in my native land, we speak a creole that most native English speakers are hard put indeed to understand. Just about the first thing native speakers say to me (which really makes me want to slap the shit out of them) is, "You speak English SO WELL." As if it were any kind of effort. I'd like to see them speak any Asian language as well as I speak English. (No, not you fuckers here at Wonketz who seem to speak every known language under the sun. And yes, I'm looking at you, User-of-Owls.)

imissopus February 25, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Everyone's still spent from last weekend. They need more time before they are ready to go again. This thread is the Wonkette equivalent of "Let's just cuddle a little longer."

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Or like the good old days, smoking a cigarette.
Maybe we need a little Cialis and a couple of bathtubs in the middle of nowhere.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Hey, I got no problem wit' dat. (Hugs imissopus, settles down comfortably)

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 9:41 pm

500 by midnight. Abrazos y besos.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Aw, sweetie! (Hugs the Radio in a group hug)

HistoriCat February 26, 2012 at 4:23 pm

We need rest! The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

redarmyzombie February 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

possibly sticky as well..

ShaveTheWhales February 25, 2012 at 7:58 pm

What are you, trying to pump up the Domestic Gross Product?

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Man, I got stuff to do, I finally got over the surgery, the enforced bed-rest and the fucking pain medication. I can't do that stuff no moah. It's bad enough I'm supposed to be sitting here working and keep getting distracted by that fucking mail alert.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 25, 2012 at 10:02 pm

What mail alert is that then?

(congrats on your recovery!)

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I have my mail tool set up to tell me when Wonketteers respond to my comments so I can rush right over and BRUTE-FORCE reply to them before they regain their senses. Very distracting. Not recommended for those actually trying to get work done.

ETA: Forgot your morning hug, Fukui-chan! Consider yourself hugged, fella.

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 10:48 pm

No matter FROTHY, even when you were recovering and blurry eyed, you were and always will be a force behind this enterprise. Barb is the shock and you are our awe. We'll take whatever you got.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm

You are just being so super-nice to me today! If you keep this up, I'll have to Internet-gay-marry you too. (Hugs the Radio again)

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I like hugs. And if Santorum and his ilk get their way and succor a theocracy, then polygamy will be allowed again. I'm sure Mrs. Radio would be totally cool with that…well, after she gets over that whole Women's Studies and The Handmaid's Tale thing.

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 2:55 am

I'm on strike, Chet. We never got our pizza party or even an at-a-boy in our employee file for the 2,000 we got last weekend.

Chet Kincaid February 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

I know, I think I've seen them give out the "Comment Of The Day" plaque only 2 or 3 times since 2007!

Biff February 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I was gone for part of the weekend, but I can't shoulder the blame for all of the decline in comments.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Oh, of course you can. You got big broad shoulders. C'mon, dood.

Douché February 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I can't believe that this douche-bag, A. Decided this was funny enough to share with his fellow law makers and B. Thinks his wifes anger isn't more of a reason to just question his whole fucking outlook. This guy may simply be the dumbest fuck I've ever had to fucking witness.

ShaveTheWhales February 25, 2012 at 7:57 pm

C. Apparently either assumes his wife will never hear about this, or that she will find his sharing of this "hilarious" story to be hilarious. I'ma think he better hope it's the former.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I'm thinking he might as well change his name to Lackanookie, because he'll be lucky if his wife allows him to ever again even LAUNDER her panties. Shit, I got in years' worth of trouble just for some smartass remark about certain people being affected by the moon and the tides.

flamingpdog February 25, 2012 at 8:08 pm

You haven't been clicking on the linkies to Santorum videos here, have you?

sati_demise February 25, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Not the porn music, not the chuckling, but the combo of that and his YAWNING HIGH SCHOOL MOVE description of putting his arm around his 'wife'. ack
He still has to do this in order to get some?

But then again, she may be a Praying Mantis, so caution might be warranted.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Albo then went on to regale his colleagues with a real knee-slapper about how his son's school cafeteria offers students sandwiches and fruit.

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 2:57 am

With some snide comments accusing our First Lady of a war on sugar, no doubt.

poncho_pilot February 26, 2012 at 3:51 am

the punchline is that his son also refused to have sex with him.

Designer_Rants February 25, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Back To Normal alert:
Gov of Virginia does full flip-flop 360 in one week! At least I suppose some people will be happy he's back to endorsing non-consensual vaginal penetration for ladies who want to go through with legal medical procedures.

RadioSBJ February 25, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Maybe he watched this video. What a dickface.

LetUsBray February 26, 2012 at 12:28 am

Someone seriously needs to design a trans-rectal sonograph encased in a rusty chainsaw.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 12:35 am

The problem with this being seen as a victory for us is that it was so far too the right, than even the "compromise" isn't really a compromise. We're still getting medically unnecessary ultrasounds out of this, the only difference is that they've cut out the most invasive part. This is still very much an extreme law, one that may be par for the course in the anti-abortion movement, but one that is still scary.

He may have did a complete 180 on a particular procedure in the bill, but it's still a net gain for the crazies. This may not be a three pointer, but it's still at least a free throw. I guess this is what you get with a governor, though, that told you he hated women. His college papers weren't a secret.

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 2:58 am

I'm sure they see their continued dickishness as a "compromise."

Designer_Rants February 26, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Hey, they tried to meet us halfway, but we were just too inflexible.

Gainsbourg69 February 26, 2012 at 3:54 am

I see this as only a temporary victory for the crazies. For one thing, the amount of outrage this bill caused will discourage republicans in moderate states from adopting measures as insane as these and it may also encourage the democratic party to fight back on an issue which they've always thought was a loser for them. Further, McDonell is pretty much done as far as national politics are concerned. This is a huge blow for the republicans since he is right up there with Marco Rubio as one of their movement's rising stars and their bench continues to get thinner by the week.

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 4:13 am

Well, what's highly unusual about the Virgin state is that it has Northern
Virginia to deal with. A highly educated, affluent, multi-cultural force that pays a largely disproportionate share of the revenues for the state. Throw in Richmond and the Tidewater region and the hicks and teabaggers are always a simple majority away from being put in their place.

Gainsbourg69 February 26, 2012 at 10:37 am

I'm well familiar with northern Virginia. I visit friends there often.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 5:08 am

Politically, that may be the case, but policy-wise, we still lose. This stuff doesn't ever get overturned, even when we get elected. So, Dems may benefit from its, politically, but we the people don't ever benefit from social policy reversals. I'm very close to the point of being tired of winning the battle, but forever losing the war.

What good is it for Dems to "win" on this issue, if women as still having to get unnecessary ultrasounds even when they are in office? Same thing on gun restrictions. Republicans come in an loosen them, Dems run against the loosening restrictions, win, and then nothing happens. We could go on and on and on on a whole host of issues.

This isn't to pretend that the GOP isn't bat-shit crazy, but I don't see how the other side always winning 2/3 of an argument, while we're constantly left defending a third can be considered progress. We're not even able to draw them to a tie on a lot of things.

Gainsbourg69 February 26, 2012 at 11:02 am

It's too early to say that this will not be overturned, isn't it? Personally, I remain optimistic.

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 4:34 am

N, I think you could easily extrapolate your argument to the whole political scene of the last 25-30 years. The political discourse in this country has been pushed so far to the right , that any "progressive" thought is a pathetic, embarrassing compromise.
1. A 3-4% marginal tax rate on the rich? i.e. getting rid of the Bush/Obama tax cuts, instead becomes a petty bribe with this payroll tax cut crap that comes out of Social Security.
2. Obamacare, fuck that. It pushes us farther away from a single payer system, it only adds more bureaucracy to the system, and entrenches the health insurance AND health care systems. There is a reason that we pay three times what Canada pays for our mediocre results, and this piss poor compromise does nothing to improve that.
3. Defense. The budget is double what it was in 2000, and Obama makes a modest cut, and, of course, he is hollowing out the military, and weak on defense and blah, blah, blah. All the while the whole thing is never seen for what it is: SOCIALISM.

Negropolis February 25, 2012 at 11:55 pm

OT:

Britain leads dash to explore for oil in war-torn Somalia

Well, it was bound to happen; this is how world politics work. They're smart; they didn't even have to go to war to get it.

HistoriCat February 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Maybe if they find oil someone will give a damn about what happens there.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 8:17 pm

You mean someones other than US, of course, which is probly why all of us drink/go insane so much.

trampndirtdown February 26, 2012 at 8:43 pm
FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:04 am

Thank you. There is always a fresh well of outrage to be tapped.

Dudleydidwrong February 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Ah, yes. Bring on the peace and the humanitarian aid when someone discovers oil in a country that otherwise the so-called "first world" nations didn't give a shit about until some geologist pushes the "oil" button. Christ, maybe they'll discover oil in Florida and the British government will start sending humanitarian aid here, but I guess they'd have to fight the US first. (Andrew Jackson, anyone?)

Is there any oil in Cuba?

gurukalehuru February 26, 2012 at 12:37 am

Speaking of trans-vaginal.. .www.gurukalehuru.com

Fukui-sanYesOta February 26, 2012 at 12:43 am

I believe you've been told about blogwhoring.

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 1:30 am

First!

user-of-owls February 26, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Retard!

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 3:24 am

OT: Anyone want to take bets on how many new jaw-dropping revelations will come out about Sen. Mix this weekend? He hit the jackpot on Friday:

1. No one should send their kids to college, or even contribute to secular higher ed, because it's where the young are forced to lose their faith. (Just for the record, I lost mine in sixth grade and I went to a rather conservative school.)

2. The Dutch are euthanizing 10% of their elderly, and half of the 10% didn't want to die. (Love the touch about the "don't kill me bracelets.")

3. Mrs. Frothy told Glenn Beck that the passage of "Obamacare" was what inspired her to join Rick in his quest for the presidency. "Because we have as you know a little angel, little Bella, special needs little girl, and when Obamacare passed, that was it, that put the fire in my belly.” As if her idea that "Obamacare" will endanger little Bella wasn't enough, Rick just had to chime in with the charge that the health care law is designed to ration care based on the "usefulness" of an individual. Their comments were so outrageous even Forbes magazine published an opinion piece refuting the statements. http://www.forbes.com/sites/rickungar/2012/02/25/

4. His campaign is sponsoring a "Rick Santorum for President 2012" car, to be driven by Tony Raines in the Daytona 500.

poncho_pilot February 26, 2012 at 3:55 am

in regards to #1, thinking the religion thing through to its logical conclusions often has that effect. sorry, Lt. Col. Froth E. Mix. i lost mine in high school but i think i knew for a few years and i had to accept it.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 5:02 am

LOL, before I got to #4, I was going to say:

"And, meanwhile, Mitt Romney will hold a speech at Dayton Speedway that will be witnessed by 150 people."

Because, I think it must be a rule that when one of Romney's opponents fucks up, Mitt has to go off and do something stupid, too, to cancel out the the advantage he'd have otherwise received.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 26, 2012 at 5:17 am

#3

I've seen and been involved with the NHS in the UK. The *lies* which are put out about socialised medicine are vicious and untrue.

The lies that are put out about usefulness and so on? My grandmother lived to 96 in chronic pain and mental stress from 88 onwards.

It is a lie. Lie lie lie about socialised medicine.

Of course, the Affordable Care Act has NOTHING TO DO with socialised medicine anyway.

I hope these fucks experience a traumatic event which requires them to see when they're not covered. Cunts.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

My late mother lived in a country with socialized medicine (a mix of government- and private- health insurance, with the government setting basic rates for medical services of the most-utilized types, e.g., well-baby care, prenatal care, regular screenings, etc. Her last illness was a flu-type respiratory ailment that was exacerbated by the fact that multiple small strokes had caused her to lose all mobility (this is what kills the elderly and bedridden, most often: pneumonia as a result of aspirating food/liquid). They sent her to the nearest geriatric hospital (there are several that specialize in geriatric care, as befits an aging population) the minute she registered a rise in temperature and evidence of an illness. The doctors put her in a private room, hooked up to the most modern equipment money can buy. They cured her in a week, but decided to hold her for an additional week, to be SURE that she wouldn't face problems as a result of a lengthy period of immobility (enrolled her in physical therapy, had her exercised against her will, etc.). She died peacefully in her sleep after polishing off a very impressive breakfast. The bill ran into six figures, and when it arrived I just about died right where I was standing, trying to figure out how I was going to pay it. Then I got to the last page. It stated: Paid by insurance: (entire amount).

I am so grateful to socialized medicine for taking care of my mother her entire life and not costing me a single penny for the amazing care they gave her.

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

#1 I lost my faith virginity around 5th grade, upon reading 2001: A Space Odyssey while being a fractional Jew in a Catholic school.
#2 Where can I get one of those bracelets?
#3 con voce Obama: "No body pulled the plug on Bella". And what Fukui said times a 100. Especially the part about Obamacare having NOTHING to do with a single payer system.
#4 Is said Racer Rick car going to pull out all of the safety features that have been mandated and regulated from the tyrannical Obama administration and have shackled the free market (Monopoly) NASCAR?
And if the president sponsored a car would it be called the Obamacar?

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

How does someone get to be a fractional Jew, mein kind? Are you sure you don't mean "a fractious Jew"? 'Cause, you know, your people sure do have a tendency to be fractious, dood.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 2:04 pm

re: #4, be thankful it isn't Rmoney, or there would be an obligatory Irish Setter strapped to the roof.

Doktor Zoom February 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

#3–wow, that's good. In Forbes, no less.

Now, maybe a discussion of why a flat tax would make the deficit explode?

Designer_Rants February 26, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Yes please. But I think as long as Old Man Forbes is roamin' the halls, no dice.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

1. Santorum is either lying or mistaken about that: http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/02/studies
2. The Dutch are royally (hee) pissed off about Santorum's lies regarding their euthanasia policies.
3. Karen Santorum is a stupid bunt.
4. I hope it crashes.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 10:20 pm

RE #3:

"I'm sorry. I can't say the letter B"

"C?"

"Yes, that's right"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz2LaJOVAiA

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 1:49 am

That's exactly what I was referencing. (Squeezes ntD ever so slightly but affectionately)

flamingpdog February 26, 2012 at 8:03 pm

#4. Dependable Renegade has a photo of the Santorum car.

Loaded_Pants February 26, 2012 at 8:33 pm

That made me giggle between my coughing fits.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 8:45 pm

You still sick, sweetpea? Dang, that's one vicious cold or flu.

Loaded_Pants February 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm

My partner brought it home from his trip to DC in early Feb. He went to a showing of "Albert Nobbs" in a theater where half the people attending were coughing up pieces of their lungs.
But it seems to be going around in our neighborhood. I usually visit my favorite corner market everyday. Two different girls working this weekend were coughing their heads off.
It's not the flu, though. No fever & I haven't felt achy. Just a nasty cold. I usually get one every winter but this one is the nastiest I've had in awhile.
Can you believe that I've never had the flu? I joke that it's thanks to my freaky genes. Never even caught it as a kid when my dad got it & nearly died (he was so sick that I had to go out, in over a foot of snow, to feed the animals because he couldn't–my father was someone who worked no matter what, so if he couldn't do it, you knew he was seriously sick).

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 11:04 pm

jeje

"the 26 car now known as the @RickSantorum car ruining at Daytona tomorrow"

DerrickWildcat February 26, 2012 at 4:59 am

I don't know what in the hell this is supposed to be, but I just saw this on yahoo.
Look quick because I imagine it will disappear quickly. http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/at-home/flag-gone-not

paris biltong February 26, 2012 at 6:01 am

I understand the the Washington Monument will also be transformed into a minaret. Read it on the Yahoo, must be true.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 8:42 am

Even the yahoo commenters were quick to dissect this Muslin/Usurper nonsense. Snopes has a version with the pictures intact, so you can see what he was ranting about.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/ovalo

ShaveTheWhales February 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Actually, the first page of Yahoo comments right now is about 3:1 supporting the lunatic poster. I find it very worrying that there are even fifteen or twenty people in the country that are so hateful and/or stupid.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Go back and read it again. It's now 3:1 against.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Yes. I see now that I was too quick to give the Yahoos credit for their apparent reasonableness.

HAROLDH • 4 hrs ago

If anyone ever took the time to watch that non american coon that calls himself president speak at a news confrence you would see that its true there is no american flag present and if relected there will no longer be a flag or national anthem as we know it also the bill of rights will no longer exist and the constitution will also change the american people will only have the rights that king obama will let them have

Billy • Dallas, Texas • 3 hrs ago

I don't care if it's true or not, this #$%$ mf needs to go before he ruins this country beyond repair. that goes for all his cronies and you sick oafbummer lovers, too. AMERICA IS FOR AMERICANS!!!

BlueStateLibel February 26, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I love those photos of the presidents they used. Dubya looks completely befuddled, Clinton looks as if he wish he had gone into a monastery, Regan looks embalmed.

And by the way, only people with flags behind them are REAL AMERICANS!

Biff February 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 5:38 am

OT: Oh, yes:

Washington— The United Auto Workers will fly a banner over the Daytona 500 NASCAR race on Sunday, reminding voters of former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney's opposition to the auto bailout.

The Detroit-based union will pay to fly a plane and banner from 10:30-11:30 a.m. that will read "Mitt Romney: Let Detroit Go Bankrupt" — a reference to a headline on a November 2008 New York Times op-ed that Romney wrote opposing a U.S. bailout of General Motors and Chrysler. The union also protested Romney's appearance on Friday at Ford Field in Detroit.

In the Daytona 500, 31 of 43 cars racing are made by one of Detroit's Big Three automakers.

GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum, who has criticized Romney for supporting the Wall Street bailout but opposing the auto bailout, is sponsoring a car at the race — Front Row Motorsports Car #26, a Ford Fusion driven by Tony Raines.

Tone deaf bastard is tone deaf.

You know, I can't wait until spring comes and the Occupy camps are born, anew. Romney has not even seen the beginning of this, yet. I can tell you that in my city, the Occupiers have simply been hibernating having vowed to return when the weather gets better. The UAW is also planning a very active spring when they will formally join with Occupy…

Sparky McGruff February 26, 2012 at 10:28 am

I don't think I'd want to follow the Santorum car too closely.

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Love the banner!

Here's a photo of the Frothcar if anyone's interested. http://www.google.com/imgres?q=santorum+daytona+5

Chet Kincaid February 26, 2012 at 10:17 am

Wait, I've figured it out! This guy's "bit" is to be the middle-aged, male Sarah Silverman! Being astonishingly offensive, insincere and violative of his wife's privacy while placing a figurative beer can on the heads of millions of women is so disgusting it must be meta-comedy!

He sucks at it.

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Mitts and Newt could be the gay couple next door that don't quite fit the stereotype.

Doktor Zoom February 26, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Still, I bet he loves chinks, too.

Barrelhse February 26, 2012 at 10:28 am

Another example of Santorum's chauvanistic world view. I'm certain this is based on the philosophy that Christians are the true believers and all others deserve no acknowledgement of their legitimacy. I was going to say that I'm really sick of Rick Santorum, but then I realized I'm already sick of all of them. Gonna be a long summer. http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM

Gainsbourg69 February 26, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Eight more Americans have been injured by the mob protesting the burnt Qurans and all the GOP want to do is score political points. It's a shame.

Chichikovovich February 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

American and other NATO soldiers are distributed throughout that country, in some parts thinly distributed. The country has a long history of making life unpleasant for occupiers – witness the last super-power that decided to vacation there. Since American troops are nominally allied with Afghan government forces, they are constantly exposed to people who would be in a good position to kill them if they chose to. The populace is armed to the teeth. The opponents have religious ties to our nominal "allies" and to the unaligned parts of the population, if there are any at this point, while we do not. They border a large, militant country with whom they have had chilly relations because they practice different brands of Islam, but these are differences that could be transcended if Islam itself were perceived to be under attack. There are also many western aid workers in the country. If a sequence of events that started small were to be fanned and grow out of control, with the result that a huge majority of the population, (including many of the Afghan policemen and soldiers officially on "our side") were to rise up aggressively against the US and NATO, the immediate loss of life to us and our allies – both civilian and military – would be immense, whether or not our firepower would allow us to "win" in the end.

It's reassuring to know that in these circumstances, a President Romney's or a President Santorum's official response would be: "Look, I said it was a goddamned accident! If you can't accept that, go fuck yourself, moon-god worshipers."

SexySmurf February 26, 2012 at 10:57 am

OT Snowbilly just received a Razzie nomination for her "performance" in The Undefeated. Can't say liberal Hollywood never gave her anything.

Crowe2011 February 26, 2012 at 11:12 am

Man's wife refuses to sleep with him because he ordered a mass rape; is that so surprising? I guess I suppose it's surprising that it's happening now, rather than in 1940's Germany.

(PS – For all those 'is rape a bad metaphor?' people; where I come from non-consensual vaginal penetration is rape under the law. So I'm talking literally here).

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:47 pm

When you hear some ancient doddering godbag whining on about how he is being "spiritually raped" by being forced to permit abortions for the filthy sluts who lost the aspirins between their knees, then you realize that the rape metaphor has already been raped and sodomized to death by these morons. And, as you so aptly point out, this is actual, literal rape we're discussing here: the penetration of a woman's vagina without her consent and against her will. I can't wait to hear how the inability to actually physically rape these poor women a second time somehow constitutes spiritual rape upon the men attempting to force this pain and humiliation upon them.

These men must never have known any women. Because EVERY SINGLE WOMAN that I know has some kind of story about rape, attempted rape, molestation, sexual assault, groping, or sexual harrassment. Now, it's quite possible that the group of women I know are not typical or representative at all, having been selected without an eye to actual statistical sampling and study. But I've read enough stats about rape from the DoJ and the domestic violence prevention organizations I've worked with to know that it is not an insignificant problem and very severely underreported.

DemmeFatale February 26, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I'd like to thank the Academy for making my p-ness grow to 100 (finally!)!
Much appreciation goes out to the fucking wing-nuts and their idiotic antics!
Thank you, Wonkette, for always diligently reporting on them.

And now for "Schadenfreude Sunday." http://www.coverjunkie.com/uploads/t_1330114718.j

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Congrats DF.
I like that line on the cover: "Creative Destruction is Good for the Economy." I have a feeling this isn't going to be the last time we hear such hogwash.

Doktor Zoom February 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Congratulations! Here's your Trophy!

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:29 pm

OMG, where can I GET SOME?

Take that any way you want to, buddy.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I'm so glad you posted that. What did you call it? The "Meaningless Achievement Club"?

Suzie was watching Gnomeo and Juliet, an incredibly lame movie that somehow lured many talented actors into its cast. I was absently watching, no doubt wasting time on these pages, when this entered my consciousness. It has a couple of good moments ("YOUR LAWN WILL BE AFRAID TO GROW"), and required a couple of repeated watchings until I could believe what I was hearing/seeing.

From what I can gather, it is not Picnicface, but rather Hulk Hogan and the Gnomeo producers riffing on the theme without attribution.

SudsMcKenzie February 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Congrats!, see you at the after party.

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 3:39 pm

It's about damn time, DF. I was beginning to think you were getting -p on some other ID site.

DemmeFatale February 26, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I know, right?
I was beginning to wonder what I had to do around here to get some
p-ness!

Thanks, comrades!

mavenmaven February 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

OT: Santorum wants to "throw up" over the idea of the separation of church and state, which is odd since until now, he simply spread Santorum over all other aspects of US democracy.

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Yowza! Former Sen. Frothy Mix did not disappoint me. Here he is on ABC this morning:

"I don't believe in an America where the separation of church and state are absolute," [Santorum] told 'This Week' host George Stephanopoulos. "The idea that the church can have no influence or no involvement in the operation of the state is absolutely antithetical to the objectives and vision of our country…to say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes me want to throw up."

(I could do without the visual, but he just HAS to go there.)

Chichikovovich February 26, 2012 at 4:23 pm

All right! So that means we can tax 'em, right? And when members of the priesthood cover up the rape of little boys, they'll see hard time?

Dudleydidwrong February 26, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Amen to both things, Chich. Re the priesthood, I do not understand why these guys are not serving a lot of hard time (probably really hard time) now. Santorum makes a lot of people throw up so I'm glad to know that he's joining us. Running at both ends, huh, Ricky boy?

Gainsbourg69 February 26, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Someone should ask Rick which Christian sect he believes should be most involved in government. That should shut him up for a while.

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 8:37 pm

The Muslim sect?

Loaded_Pants February 26, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I would love to have a time machine to bring Tom Jefferson into the future to debate this asshole. 45 seconds into the debate, Ol' Tom's logic would drive Frothy Sweatervest to run off-stage into the arms of Karen (aka "Mommy!").

trampndirtdown February 26, 2012 at 9:04 pm

You are assuming Frothy would actually listen to what TJ had to say.

flamingpdog February 27, 2012 at 1:59 am

Frothy would just call him a fraud, just like the Teatards and other hate-Christians would call Jesus Christ a fraud if he actually came back and preached what he preached 2000 years ago.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm
paris biltong February 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

What they say about NASCAR not being quite as awful as its rabid fans would suggest is interesting if not entirely surprising. Hockey players are not necessarily as stupid as hockey fans, for instance. It leaves unanswered such questions as whether Santorum is smarter than his base, however. Not that it would be very difficult.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 5:29 pm

This here was a fine symphony of salt air, longneck Buds, an old Ken Schrader cardboard stand-up awkwardly holding a package of Little Debbie snack cakes, cheap wigs, Kasey Kahne posters, Lady Gaga lyrics…

je je! Sports writers can often deliver. Fuckin Earl Warren was right about at least one thing.

It leaves unanswerable such questions. We will never know the exact boundary of cynicism/ignorance which these fuckers straddle. From a purely pragmatic, results-oriented perspective, these fuckin Republican candidates sure know how to manipulate the "journalists". Santorum, Gingrich, Romney can say any shit and Stephanopolous, Gregory, Zakaria, even Amanpour — they will all fuckin parrot the line. Journalism (well, and advertising, too) is a far more pressing problem than politics. Politics is as it ever was. Fuckin Journalism carries around this legacy of having once been something, and now our Laurels will justify and rationalize everything we do from here on out. I once toyed with J-school. I came to the realization that, given the choice between being a Talking Head and having my life's work shit on by Talking Heads, I'll take my chances with engineering.

Guh.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Guh-worthy, dude.

BarackMyWorld February 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm
BlueStateLibel February 26, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Can the frothy mixture be any stupider? Dumb shit should read a little about American political history. In the past, Catholic candidates routinely faced baseless accusations that they would take orders from the Vatican, and JFK had to deal with the same prejudice. The frothy mixture is just a disgrace to Catholics, men, and humanity, ugh.

Chet Kincaid February 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm

So what do you call what he's promising in every stump speech and appearance — "baseful" accusations?

BlueStateLibel February 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Not sure I understand, but the frothy mix seems to be saying he would take orders from the Vatican, and is berating JFK, whose boot's he's not fit to lick, was wrong because he would not.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Suck on this, Santorum:

"Faced with the election of a Catholic," Peale declared, "our culture is at stake."[7] In a written manifesto Peale and his group also declared JFK would serve the interests of the Catholic church before the interests of the United States: "It is inconceivable that a Roman Catholic president would not be under extreme pressure by the hierarchy of his church to accede to its policies with respect to foreign interests," and that the election of a Catholic might even end free speech in America.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Vincent_Peale

Designer_Rants February 26, 2012 at 6:49 pm

I think I found this article on my Google Reader last night, so not just reprinting another Wonketeer's link….:

Christian Dominionists and Foster Friess.
According to Papantonio, the Republicans' appeal to the dominionists is their last straw because other methods did not work. "They're back to their Ralph Reed, Lee Atwater fundamentalist standby and it's this — it is 'we're more holy than the Democrats. We're more holy than Obama. And Santorum, Ed, has become their pitchman."

Foster Friess who recently made the "aspirin as a form of contraceptive" remark and is a major backer of Santorum is, according to Papantonio, "is a freak" whose message is "We're holier than you. Public schools are failing institutions so children are better off home schooled where they don't have to talk about things like evolution and global climate change or racism. It's where every part of the bible can be taught in school except the Sermon on the Mount or the Beatitudes where we teach people how to treat people. It's called dominion religion, Ed, you're going to start seeing it a lot more, they use it to exploit everything that brings out the worst of Christianity."

Referring to Santorum's remarks that Obama's environmental policies are part of a "theology that's not biblical," Papantonio observed, "If you think about what Santorum is saying right now, about Obama being the wrong kind of Christian, he's saying that under dominion religion, we can use and we can exploit everything on earth because the Apocalypse is coming." http://bit.ly/wCHbpn

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Also OT: There's a new email from OfA going around, asking us delinquent 2008 supporters why we haven't donated again yet in 2012. I have actually written to them many times, offering my unsolicited reasons why I haven't given yet (Bradley Manning, unprosecuted banksters, drones, war crimes, lack of Keynesianism, etc, although I still consider myself a "supporter"), but they never responded. Until now.

This is an opportunity for us to do something constructive with our frustration, now that they are asking why we are not donating.

Dear [redacted] —

As you may have noticed, we've asked you for a donation a few times now.

But according to our records, you haven't yet made an online donation to this
campaign at this email address. (If our records are wrong, I apologize and thank
you!)

I'm not writing to ask you for money again. I'm actually writing to ask your opinion about why you haven't given, and what you think would inspire you or other Obama supporters like you to decide to take the leap and donate.

We have two quick questions for you. Can you take a minute to answer
them?
http://my.barackobama.com/Your-Support-In-2012h

There's a good reason we're asking for your feedback: The kind of organization we all decided to be a part of only works if people like you pitch in to build it.

It's also the reason no other candidate has been able to match our level of grassroots support. This isn't the easiest way to run a campaign — but we know it's the right way.

That's why we want to know what you're thinking.

Please take a minute to answer these two questions today.

paris biltong February 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

When did you last beat your wife?
How often do you beat your wife?
Do you enjoy beating your wife?
Are you planning to continue beating your wife?
Are you planning to stop beating your wife?
Other (please specify)
Tell us what would make you want to stop beating your wife.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Other (please specify)

win.

So, you're not falling for the sales pitch?

flamingpdog February 26, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I posted a couple of days ago about how the Obama campaign hit up my late, life-long Republican mother for a contribution last week. I don't care what the published numbers are showing, I think the contributions are way down from 2008.

imissopus February 26, 2012 at 10:24 pm

It's also possible people aren't feeling the urgency they felt at this point in 2008, when he was in a hotly contested primary fight with Hills, and things will pick up as the GOP nomination picture sorts out a little more.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 11:28 pm

To put some things into perspective. Here is what each of these two candidates have raised since the beginning of their campaigns:

Obama: $151.4 million
Romney: $64 million

The president probably won't raise what he raised in 2008. At least, not directly. But, I really don't get all of the hand-wringing. Even when Romney is in a one-on-one, he's not going to catch up in the (direct) money race. He's going to have to have the superPACs just to give him a fighting chance.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Designer_Rants February 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Who? The blah? Or the wha?

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 11:10 pm

The reetah.

Doktor Zoom February 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm

The hell with his tax returns, I want to see the results of Mittens' Voight-Kampff test

Chichikovovich February 26, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Holden: You're on a highway, driving along the asphalt, when all of a sudden you look up…
Mitt: What one?
Holden: What?
Mitt: What highway?
Holden: It doesn't make any difference what highway, it's completely hypothetical.
Mitt: But, how come I'd be there?
Holden: Maybe you're fed up. Maybe you want to go on vacation. Who knows? You look up and see watery fecal material, Mitt. It's running along the windshield in front of you…
Mitt: Fecal material? What's that?
Holden: [irritated by Leon's interruptions] You know what dogcrap is?
Mitt: Of course!
Holden: Same thing.
Mitt: I've never seen dogcrap on a windshield… But I understand what you mean.
Holden: You step and you hose the fecal material off, Mitt.
Mitt: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?
Holden: The dog that crapped this crap is up on the roof, shivering from the freezing wind, scratching the crate trying to escape, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
Mitt: [angry at the suggestion] What do you mean, I'm not helping?
Holden: I mean: you're not helping! Why is that, Mitt?
[Mitt has become visibly shaken]
Holden: They're just questions, Mitt. In answer to your query, they're written down for me. It's a test, designed to provoke an emotional response… Shall we continue?

Doktor Zoom February 26, 2012 at 7:43 pm

That, sir, was a thing of beauty.

RadioSBJ February 26, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Tx Chich, but, at first, I thought that fecal material was Santorum.

BlueStateLibel February 26, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Replicants are people too, my friend.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Hellbender?

Doktor Zoom February 27, 2012 at 1:53 am

Yes. Yes it is.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 11:37 pm

My mother? Let me tell you about my mother.

Loaded_Pants February 26, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Do any of these fucks know what the hell they are saying? I have never seen so many candidates who seem to be determined to turn off as many potential supporters/voters as these twits. Does Romney really think that most Americans are multimillionaires like him & his spoiled klan?

NYNYNYjr February 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

OT: What's the healthiest brand of Gerbil food? (I mean other than Health-Plus, he refuses to eat that, probably the seaweedy-smell).

Blueb4sunrise February 26, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Richard Gere is marketing his own brand .

Loaded_Pants February 26, 2012 at 8:37 pm

It has a very different kind of smell.

flamingpdog February 26, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Soylent seaweed is GERRRRRBILS!!!

Barrelhse February 26, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I've been at work all day- just got home. Am I number 3000?

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Here's a little more info about Rep Albo, for those who might, or know someone who might, be voting in his district.

Jukesgrrl February 26, 2012 at 9:23 pm

And the Academy Award for Sniveling Little Rat-Faced Git goes to Dave Albo.

I wonder if the "highly educated" voters of Northern Virginia are happy with their choice. With the issues being schools, transportation, off-shore drilling, and base realignment, I wonder if they think his interest in lady-parts is in THEIR interest.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 1:54 am

I can tell you that, regardless of their politics, the highly educated residents of the state, a significant portion of whom are female, would greatly resent this kind of grandstanding political bullshit.

flamingpdog February 26, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Albo, who plays his guitar for relaxation, is married to Rita Albo, and the couple adopted their six-year-old son, Ben, in 2005.

So maybe he was lying. Maybe they've never had sex?

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 10:02 pm

On the issues

On base closures, on transportation, on school renovations, on everything EXCEPT trans-vaginal probing. No reelection brochure talking point for THAT, huh?

lulzmonger February 26, 2012 at 11:44 pm

An apology should indeed be given to this Albo choad – & it should include the phrase "he who smelt it, dealt it" as a fundamental caveat.

No, Virginia, there is no Uterine Sovereignty clause.

Nopantsmcgee February 27, 2012 at 10:20 am

The politics in Transvirginia are pretty interesting lately.

tessiee February 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

This story got 600-some comments.
Last weekend's story got, what, 2000?
My conclusion:
Fat jerks do not have quite the same drawing power as threats of GOP mass suicide and/or killer sheep.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:42 am

Hey! I'm an Official Oldz now.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:02 am

I think they gambled on this "social issues" plan thinking they would win. But because they're stuck in the previous century (I mean, the Young Republicans are in their FIFTIES?), they don't seem to realize that the world has changed A WHOLE FUCKING LOT in the past half-century. When I was young, gay people and women and brownz had no rights. Now, young people don't even get that there was a time when the groups that they might belong to didn't have rights. People in the 18-40 age demographic have a *very* different mindset than people in the 40+ demographic. Young conservative women are extremely turned off by the attack on the reproductive rights they have always had. It's backfiring on the GOP, and they're sending out their Mighty Wurlitzer to combat it by pushing the meme that the Democrats started the "social issues" fight. Rachel Maddow did a timeline of the issue. It's not looking good for the fuckers, and it serves them right.

Biff February 25, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Thing is, they DID lose that bad between 2006 and 2008, but everyone had a brainfart in 2010 and the motherfuckers roared back to life. When will WE learn?

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 1:21 am

Finally! Our ADD, disinterest and disregard for historical facts and lack of empathy for the plight and struggle of generations before us will pay off!! Whaddya mean girls used to not be able to go wild?? Fuck y'all! We's nekkid! On the TV! Gimme my pills! Huzzah! (I mean this in the best "hate America first"/Anna Quindlen is my hero way I can) Iron Jawed Angels are we. Now get out my business 'fore I flash somebody!!
(I can totes be a boobies out brainiac. I really can.)

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 1:47 am

Hah! I can't upfist this enough. Flash away, girl.

I think if everybody was fucking each other a lot more they wouldn't be fucking WITH each other so much. What the fuck ever happened to our Love Revolution and Zero Population Growth plan, man?

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 1:09 pm

(I can totes be a boobies out brainiac. I really can.)

We in the can't-be-a-boobies-out brainiac community believe you, celebrate you, and with both hands we reach out to grasp, lift and embrace your…goal (yes, that's what I wanted to say: goal) as we would our own.

snackypants February 25, 2012 at 3:06 am

Neither does playing "hide the sausage" in the meat curtains.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Ya gotta get it right, pdog. Now, put that banana down and pull out the salami.

Sliding the salami between the meat curtains don't sound so bad, now, do it?

KenLayIsAlive February 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

I don't know. It's been so long that sounds alright.

Designer_Rants February 25, 2012 at 8:50 am

Wonkette is our Local union hall.

Dashboard Buddha February 25, 2012 at 9:05 am

Snark Workers and Associated Entertainments: Local 666

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:16 pm

MMmmm… sugar walls.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Happy birthday!
You have the same birthday as George Harrison!

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Aw, you cho chweet! (Smooches top of tessiee's head)

Actually, my birfday is shared with MLK and (almost) Biff, which is why Biff and I got gay-Internet-married on our birfday. But I am definitely an official Oldz. (Hugs the tessiee)

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Just because Santorum comes from the Central Casting list of Torquemadas doesn't mean that this guy wouldn't be enthusiastic when it came time for the burning. Only he'd chuckle about it, and make global warming jokes as the flames rose.

Chichikovovich February 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"Peggy Sue" was about a girl who was really into pegging.

Edit: And if you're inclined to doubt me on this, check out the lyric:

If you knew, Peggy Sue,
Then you'd know why I feel blue

Biff February 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

And Peggy Legg is another thing, entirely.

DerrickWildcat February 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Here's a couple from that Album.
They're real good hook writers.
Some is real, "The Jam" sounding
Ain't that Youtube something?

Spring Collection http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FSRGoMb-aM&fe

Trains http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNowJK1vDQA&fe
News at Ten http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICSw3x3Hbjc

Waiting For The Weekend http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgL1hEX-7Gs&fe

Letter From Hiro http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr6t-idUAEA&fe

These are all from, New Clear Days. Not a bad cut on the album. It's a very overlooked gem.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Srsly, they're calling Santo the only conservative candidate. Apparently, Newt's history of demonizing and pillorying Democrats in and out of Congress renders him insufficiently radical for these raving, rabid yobbos. Right now, Santorum is WAY ahead of the other two in Alabama. Yes. Mull that over for a few minutes. Santorum, the Catholic candidate from BLUE Northeastern PA is running double digits ahead of Good Ol' Boy Southerner Newton Leroy in fucking Alabama. I can't wait to hear the spin the talking heads will put on this one.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Thank you very much. I listened to "Turning Japanese" on YouTube. I think it's one of the best things that ever happened to humanity. My tastes tend to run (screaming) away from the top twenty or whatever it's called these days, so I don't get my music that way. I rely on the feelers of friends to feed my very eclectic and eccentric tastes.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Can you believe that guy? He's removed every trace of that ad, and every mention of it, now, and he's still 20+ points behind Stabenow.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Oh, sure, that's what you say NOW, but just ten minutes ago you were

Wut? I have no idea what you're talking about.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 6:42 pm

(Insert pussy joke here)

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Hey, who you callin' … oh.

Don't think I don't see what you did there.

Santorum's all in a lather today because that ELITIST Barack dood wants everybody to go to college and stuff.The teatardz who turned out to hear him are all like Yay, No more homework EVAH! It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Ya t'ink I don't get dat alla time?

One of my dearest friends who always had a houseful of cats before he finally decided he couldn't take the heartbreak of saying goodbye repeatedly had them all labeled in jars on his mantel after they passed. He would always say, I've had more pussy than any ten straight men.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I used to have many roosters.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 7:45 pm

the Poorz, Brownz, LGBTQs, Wimminz —

The really sad and horrifying thing is that we must add children to this list.

Family values my ass.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 7:52 pm

It'd be funnier if these um, oh I don't know, I've called them so many things, what? Ig-nant mo-fos? I haven't said that today. It would be funnier if these ig-nant mo-fos weren't already messing every living thing up with all their stupid, stupid ways. If they stood in the corner and didn't get their stupid all over me it'd be different. But no, they gotta be assholes about it and try to do stuff that messes with my shit.
We don't need no education my bee-hind.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Lyrics aside, I find this amazing. Is it the weed, or is it as good as I think it is? Must listen again later. Thanks, Biffy.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Man, they're totally into stupid bukkake. It ain't stupid enough for them until they can get it all over the whole fucking country's face.

It's a good thing I can't line the whole lot of them up for an ass-kicking, because I would totally need a new fucking leg by the time I was done. Just assholes. All of 'em.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I never fingered figured you for a cock-girl.

Freudian slip! Freudian slip!

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I've never owned a rooster, but I have had a cockatoo.

FROTHY February 25, 2012 at 8:38 pm

True. But children are not a naturally revolutionary class, since the children of the rich are treated so very differently from the children of the poor!

HistoriCat February 25, 2012 at 8:46 pm

It's true – they are completely nuts.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 9:47 pm

'Mull that over for a few minutes. Santorum, the Catholic candidate from BLUE Northeastern PA is running double digits ahead of Good Ol' Boy Southerner Newton Leroy in fucking Alabama."

They may not like Catlicks down south, but trust me, they eat up that handmaid's tale bullshit like it was cheese grits.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Do you really? I have 2 birds.

Biff February 25, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Terry Allen IS that good. It's on a CD named Human Remains, worth the search.

FakaktaSouth February 25, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Do you know, I absolutely learned what that bukkake even was from a wonketteers? (not in person, but 'virtually' if ya know what I mean…Don't tell ME we aren't all about the learning here. I don't get that shit at ALL – I'm such an immediate gratification girl I can't imagine being on the wrong end of a bukkake writhe fest with none for me, thanks – I mean WHAT?) but it IS the perfect metaphor for Republican policies. Spurt spurt.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:24 pm

How gross was this porker with the corvette?
He was cheating on his wife with a married co-worker, AND cheating on the co-worker with her 17 year old daughter.
I wish I were making that up.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:40 pm

No, it was a bad pun, the sort we English majors never tire of making.
What I've actually had was a cock or two.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I used to raise canaries.

tessiee February 25, 2012 at 10:44 pm

*sings*
My boss is a jerk, of course of course,
He looks like the back of a horse of course,
He's fat and bald and he's a dork,
I wish that he'd drop dead.

starfanglednut February 25, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Oops! (Smacks side of head) I can be so dense.

bagofmice February 26, 2012 at 1:02 pm

You crazy homophones.

Dudleydidwrong February 25, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Old John Phillip, out in front and waving that wand. Always got a rise out of his men.

You might also have included "March of the Mitten Men" and "Transit of Venus." There are a couple of others with some double entendre names from the old band days but I can't remember them.

not that Dewey February 26, 2012 at 12:45 am

She's not fat; she's "thermodynamically optimal".

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Nice work, Biffster. I put it on the iPod list. (Hugs the Biff) You're a good pal.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I have learned more from the Wonkettz about revolting sexual practices than I could possibly have imagined. But yeah, bukkake is all about punishing/humiliating a woman, not about sex.

Which is a pretty good metaphor for what these motherfuckers are trying to do to the whole goddamn country. I hate them extra hatey-hatey today because I have a fucking headache. Maybe I should go out and weed the garden, after giving the weeds the names of each and every one of these idiot barfbags. Sorry, FakaktaSouth. Didn't mean to bukkake all over this comment.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I have excellent taste in music. Excellent taste. Excellent.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back there, Biffo. Just remember, if you become a neighbour I will shamelessly invite myself over to listen to your excellent music collection.

ETA: Nah, I wouldn't do that to ya.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Damn, you sure know how to hit that dood where it hurts. Remind me to tap you when I decide to go all blitzkriegy on the Republicans' ass.

Chichikovovich February 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

True to the extent that they guy is not really Rumpole-watcher material, and most of the Rumpole stuff is either too subtle or obvious but too genteel for such members of the Cloddish-American community.

But unlike most Rumpolania, "She Who Must Be Obeyed", seems to have slipped into circulation – I've heard it on the pre-teen oriented TV shows my daughter watches, for example.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 3:41 pm

That was my comparison to Rain Man, there.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Thank you, Raven! Boy, the Wonketz is an amazing collection of people, innit? The CW is, like, way higher than any other place I've ever hung out.

Chichikovovich February 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Thanx. I'd do it myself, but I've got to drive a bus full of lesbian girl scouts to Planned Parenthood for their monthly abortions. Please pass on my regards and my apologies to Mr. Soros, Bill Ayers, Reverend Wright and Tony Rezko.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

That's what you say *now.*

NYNYNYjr February 26, 2012 at 6:04 pm

their choices are two catholics, a mormon and an anti-war dude. give the R's a break, it must seem like the world is upside down to most Alabamians.

FROTHY February 26, 2012 at 8:02 pm

But Newton Leroy and RMONEY are offering pretty much the same cheesy grits. What makes this nutbag different from all other nutbags? The fact is Santorum is batshit insane, and the sooner he gets the nom, the better it is for Barack. But I can't help worrying about the country.

Designer_Rants February 26, 2012 at 7:48 pm

You got it. Say "hi" to the abortionists for me.

trampndirtdown February 26, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I'd be happy to see the Golden Thread speech work it's way into Congress.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 11:05 pm

My only point was that NC is moving in the right directions. Every state has hiccups. It's about how many and in which direction the jurisdiction is moving.

Negropolis February 26, 2012 at 11:16 pm

No, it really isn't too early. Tell me of aanother state that has repealed pre-abortion ultrasounds. Honestly, name me one. I'm really not sure why you're trying so hard. I'm just talking empirical evidence, here.

There is optimism, and then there is willful delusion.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 1:52 am

Wow. Don't tell ANYbody that or they'll lock you up in that nasty big room under the Pentagon and start siphoning off your blood for testing, sweetie. I hope your partner's doing penance by moistening your lips with drops of broth (among other things) in your hour of need. (Hugs Loaded) Good thing partner is there to take care of you, at least.

flamingpdog February 27, 2012 at 2:05 am

I've never had the flu, either. The doctor finally gave up suggesting I have a flu shot because I was getting to be one of the oldz – I'm not opposed to immunizations, but why risk the minor chance of giving yourself something you've never had. Never had the measles, either. Now if I just could have been blessed with natural immunity against lower digestive tract disorders …

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I could fix what's ailing you with my special cooking, dood. But U R not my naybor. Unfortunately.

You know the best way to deal with this (you should, you're a scientist). Start with the blandest diet you can think of – plain boiled or steamed white rice and boiled or grilled chicken thigh. Eat that for three or four days and then SLOWLY begin adding things to this basic recipe. No frying, no fried foods, no additives whatsoever. Add things back one at a time, and give each new item added two or three days before adding the next.

Sooner or later, this elementary sleuthing will discover whatever's ailing ya. (Hugs the pdog most affectionately) If you wuz my neighbour, I'd do this for you, just because I love you, sweetie. But I'm not, so please do it for yourself. It really bothers me that you're suffering with this.

flamingpdog February 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Thanks for the concern, (gulp) Frothy. Trust me, I've been doing this off and on for years. Mainly the issue is anxiety. Paxil (for depression/anxiety) is the best thing I've ever taken for my intestinal tract ails.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Not likely to happen, buddy! Teh laydz, they don't like the men to stray far. I'm lucky to have not one but TWO partners who don't mind the sharing. Of course, TWO relationships is way more work than one, but hey.

Chet Kincaid February 27, 2012 at 3:00 pm

OK then, I'm seeing the 1935 prop plane traversing the sepia map from the Indian Subcontinent to somewhere in the Caribbean…

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 3:06 pm

This IS fun, isn't it? I have a whole slew of books on the Indians in the West Indies. So many of them have intermarried with the native people and with those of African descent who were brought there. But if you ask your Fijian or Trinidadian Indian friends if they have African relatives, they will deny it. Even while showing you family pictures that include some DEFINITELY African-looking relatives.

I have lots of relatives who could pass for Chinese or European, and many many dark-skinned rellies. But no, not the Caribbean.

FROTHY February 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Aww! (Don't worry, sweetie, being loved by gay people won't turn you gay.) What can we do about your anxiety, sweetie? Have you tried yoga/meditation/all-that-New-Agey-shit? I'm as cynical as they come, but there's plenty of hard evidence in favour of those. Also you might want to consider acupressure/massage. I'm sure you could do with a massage. And I bet there's some pretty ladies out there who would be happy to, um, help. Eh?

Chet Kincaid February 27, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Pompous little Harvard Skip Gates just did a whole PBS series on Africans in Latin America, most of which could be summed up by saying, "We don't talk about African Great-Great Granny!!"

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