KENYAN POLITICS  12:50 pm February 27, 2012

Alaskan Idiot: Obama Is Of ‘Mulatto Race,’ Thus Not Eligible For Presidency

by Kaia Mursi

Burning the midnight oil, moving the Computer Mouse over the Online.Mr. Gordon Warren Epperly — of the PO Box 34358, Juneau, Alaska Epperlies — can expect a lengthy and almost certainly inappropriate phone call from pearlescent loony Orly Taitz, and maybe, too, an honorary DDS/JD she will print on discontinued “Certificate of Participation” cardstock from the Office Depot. What in blazes for, you may ask. It’s because Epperly is really pushing the envelope on goofball schemes to invalidate Kenyan interloper Barack Obama’s entire presidency/personhood, using our liberal activist court system, naturally. Whereas Dr. Orly Taitz, Esquire, settled for making up some nonsense about Obama not being born on real American soil to real American parents, Epperly is straight-up skipping that bit of politesse, to crow in the general direction of the Alaska State Division of Elections, “BUNK THAT! THAT PRESIDENT IS NOT WHITE, Y’ALL!!!”

Epperly is trying to prevent Obama from appearing on the ballot in Alaska, because of the Constitution, a sacred and unalterable document which, in his estimation, only gave “Negroes” and “mulattos” civil rights, not political rights:

Barack Hussein Obama II is not a “natural born Citizen” of the United States

As stated above, for an Individual to be a Candidate for the Office of President of the United States, the Candidate must meet the qualifications as set forth in the United States Constitution and one of those qualifications is that the Candidate shall be a “natural born Citizen” of the United States. As Barack Hussein Obama II is of the “Mulatto” race, his status of citizenship is founded upon the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Before the [purported] ratification of the Fourteenth Amendment, the race of “Negro” or “Mulatto” had no standing to be citizens of the United States under the United States Constitution. /1

As the Fourteenth Amendment is only a grant of “Civil Rights” and not a grant of “Political Rights,” Barack Hussein Obama II does not have any “Political Rights” under any provision of the United States Constitution to hold any Public Office of the United States government. Furthermore, there is considerable debate within the enclosed supporting documents that shows Barack Hussein Obama II was not born on the soil of the United States and that he was not subject to the jurisdiction of the United States at the time of his birth. If this is true, it would appear that Barack Hussein Obama II may not only be in want of having the status of being a “natural born Citizen,” but he may not even be a “citizen of the United States.” Being absent of proper status of Citizenship, Barack Hussein Obama II, nor his Delegates, have the qualifications to appear on the Election Ballots for the State of Alaska.

This goes on for ten pages, folks, which is about ten pages past our attention span. So help us out, would-be Orly Taitzes. Are the rest of the arguments in Epperly’s filing as totally impregnable as this one? More importantly, was the Fourteenth Amendment only purportedly ratified and how is this going to screw up the numbering on all the following amendments (if any of them are even valid)? [Turning Left]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 181 comments }

Chillwillard February 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

And then they say teh brownz are the ones with entitlement problems…

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"This goes on for ten pages, folks, which is about ten pages past our attention span."

Three sentences was about all I could manage.

weej_bain February 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Maybe 11 pages past.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Your move, quadroons and octoroons.

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Bi-boons

Advn2rgirl February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"This little cookie here's a macaroon,
That big round thing's
A red balloon.
And the paper down here's called the Picayune
And here's a New Orleans tune," also.

ph7 February 27, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Let's put Gordon Epperly on the Dixie Flyer.

MaxNeanderthal February 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

What about the hexa-decimaloons…?

bagofmice February 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

0xF8-loon LIBEL!

Ramon X February 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Poltroons?

prommie February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

He's just saying what everyone else is thinking, but won't say out loud. Everybody else in the tea party, I mean.

Baconzgood February 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Or with blunt force trauma to the head…..now that I think of it that statment kinda splits hairs.

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Why, that racist just to suggest that.
Always playing the race card.

GunToting[Redacted] February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I automatically assumed that the "Alaskan Idiot" in question was Sarah Palin. I'm somewhat disappointed.

prommie February 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Apparently Alaska has many.

Not_So_Much February 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Any story/sentence that includes her name invariably ends in disappointment.

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Considering the number of people that live in Alaska, and the Idiot/Population ratio, I also made the assumption that Sarah was the lone Idiot.

John Birf Society February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Obama likes Gelato? I get the hate– it is French after all.

cheetojeebus February 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Si sbaglia, Gelato è Italiano.

FlownOver February 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Italian, French – potato, potato.

finallyhappy February 27, 2012 at 5:39 pm

patata, pomme d'terre

CessnaDriver February 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

It's not 'Merkin, that's all that matters.

Gunner Asch February 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Pinocchio's dad? How'd he get in the middle of this?

Callyson February 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

And Mr Epperly is doing his part to re – elect Obama. Thank you sir!

orygoon February 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

We never noticed this guy before because those white hoods are so hard to make out in a snowy background.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"Barack Hussein Obama II was not born on the soil of the United States and he was not subject to the jurisdiction of the United States at the time of his birth. If this is true,… "

It's not.

Limeylizzie February 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Awesome.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 6:23 pm

"Shhh! He's on a roll."

Lascauxcaveman February 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Holy shit, the president is part negro? Who knew? This changes everything.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Man, I wish old Gordon had pointed this shit out back in '08. Would have saved us a lot of headaches.

MaxNeanderthal February 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

"Goddarn it, the sheriff is a n-(band plays discordant parp)"
Yup, that's authentic western gibberish folks….

Egregious644 February 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm

We don't have to listen to this guy, because Lincoln illegally annexed Alaska. Therefore, all the folks there are Russians.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Not only that, Lincoln did it from the grave, in 1867. Talk about illegal.

Egregious644 February 27, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Well, there you go then. No wonder Andrew Johnson was impeached! How dare he impersonate Abraham Lincoln making an illegal annexation!

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Seward's Folly Libel !!1!!111!

HempDogbane February 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm

"You must be connected online with the internet in order for the links to work." Damn, this might be why I only have 99p.

Lascauxcaveman February 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Also, too, I think we should all send this nice man a postal card to thank him for pointing this out.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I think we need to locate some "gone postal" cards.

Native_of_SL_UT February 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Maybe we could compromise and declare that Obama is only 3/5ths of a President.
Oh wait, he's only half negro so if my math is correct, that would make him 4/5ths of a President.

Mahousu February 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

That still makes him more than twice what W. was.

revmatty February 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm

7/10ths, actually.

sewollef February 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Well ok then… if Mr Obama is only 70% president, does that mean that only 70% of your vote goes to him? And if that's true, then who gets the the other 30%?

Or…. or, is it that you can only vote for Mr Obama 70% of the time? And if that's true…. then who does the other 30% of the time belong too?

See where I'm going with this?

No? Damn…. I was hoping someone could explain all this to the mathematically-challenged.

prommie February 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Noone uses that old term "mulatto" anymore. The polite term, according to Rush Limbaugh, is "halfrican."

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:33 am

He really says that? Ugh.

Chillwillard February 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

"Sticky Note: Todd Palin's mistress is waiting outside your Meth lab."

WinterOuthouse February 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

What the Fuck is he talking about?

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

From the passage of the 13th and 14th amendment Jim Crow laws were argued to be valid because those amendments did not address voting/political rights. This argument was be put forward by Dixiecrats in 1965 when the Voting Rights Act was being voted on in Congress.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I bet I know what the tailgate of this guy's pickup truck looks like.

Baconzgood February 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Can he do this? He's from Alaska and Alaska wasn't a state in 1789 when the constitution was ratified.

Check mate racist loon!

emmelemm February 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

BAM!

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

In fact, it belonged to Russia, where the slaves were white! So I guess he'd better report to the market right away.

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Too stupid to provide useful labor. I'm thinking Soylent Green.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Addendum: Aw crap. Alexander II freed the serfs in 1861, six years before Alaska was annexed by the US. If only he could have held off for a decade or so.

(But then, if a 100% American president's slave-freeing is no good, why should some vodka-swilling foreigner's be any better? Somebody should slap this guy in chains just in case. Pending the outcome of litigation. Which will surely be completed in 15-20 years, tops.)

Lucidamente1 February 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm

And besides, he's only 3/5 of a person.

Maman February 27, 2012 at 1:10 pm

so we need an additional 2/5 of a President?

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

No way are we bringing Bush back into the White House!

UW8316154 February 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I'm at work. Will someone please facebook this guy and report back? Maybe check out his AOL account, if there is still such a thing.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Birthers, you're not supposed to admit that all your conspiracy mongering is just because Obama's black; you're doing it wrong.

Generation[redacted] February 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Epperly is really pushing the envelope on goofball schemes to invalidate Kenyan interloper Barack Obama’s entire presidency/personhood

Eu contraire, this is the first truly honest court filing of the birthers' objection to Obama's presidency.

SheriffRoscoe February 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Governor Palin is ineligible, too, owing to her vagina-bearing status?

Maman February 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

duh

chicken_thief February 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

She just showed her va-jay-jay to Tawd, his biz partner, Glenn and a few (dozen, prolly) others. It's not like she was on stage baring it or anything.

WinterOuthouse February 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Prove it. Have you seen said va ja ja?

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I had a cup of strawberry mulatto after lunch today – what's not to like?

Chet Kincaid February 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Why is this random, ignorant crankery worthy of a post?

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 1:37 pm

It's still fairly early, I'm sure that the low-hanging fruit has a certain appeal at this time of day.

Toomush_Infer February 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

It's just snobbery….

Swampgas_Man February 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm

All the "news" is about the Oscars and Angelina Jolie's legs today, so this snuck in by default.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm

The Constitution also refers to both the President and Vice President as "he" at several points. So in 2008 did this racist ass sue to get Palin off the ballot?

northernbassist February 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

No. He decided to wait a couple of years and go after Lisa Murkowski in 2010, by claiming that, and I quote:

"–Lisa Murkowski is not qualified for the Office of U.S. Senator as she is not a citizen of the United States under Article I of the Constitution of the United States.

Enclosed is a "Proclamation" declaring the political privileges of candidates to hold public offices of the United States. The "Proclamation" shows that U.S. Congress has never made provisions in the U.S. Constitution for women or non-white citizens to hold public offices." http://tinyurl.com/7oc2ubc

I grew up in Juneau and this guy's name is familiar to me–that name was associated with stables, so perhaps the horseshit doesn't fall far from the horse's ass, or something.

DaSandman February 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm

This is TeaBag speak for "Coloreds are taking over the world"

weej_bain February 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

And even zombie Ayn Rand hates the TeaBaggets.

warning: above linkie goes to Bloomberg, not Bloom County.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Wow, this guy really gets an A for effort…

ManchuCandidate February 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Wow, way to be ahead of the curve with a trend that was 4 years too late. Next thing you know he'll be telling us that we should watch this show "Friends" and that Jennifer Aniston could be, you know, married to a big star.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

"There's this really funny show about a bunch of Jews in New York you should check out, I think it's called "Steinberg" or something…"

prommie February 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Being of an older generation, I didn't have "Friends." In my day, we all wore onions on our belts and watched "Thirty-Something," which, believe it or not, was set in Philadelphia.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Ah, yes, Thirty-Something. When the my generation were little kids, the big kids said "Never trust anyone over thirty!" Then in our twenties we watched Thirty-Something and that same generation taught us why.

edgydrifter February 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

By Epperly's own peculiar logic, nobody gets to hold any office or even vote, because Political Rights aren't mentioned at all in the Constitution.

Ramon X February 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Just what are political rights anyway?

"…my rights are all wrong."
John Prine

Joshua Norton February 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Ya know, it's become obvious that there's no bottom to the repig party. Every time you think they've hit it, you discover another subterranean level of crazy with an underground parking garage.

MaxNeanderthal February 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

…and a wine cellar, entirely stocked with weasel piss…

CommieLibunatic February 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

It's like a bad Minecraft map. You dig a little bit and discover a bottomless, labyrinthine pit of nightmares full of Creepers. And by "discover" I really mean "fall several meters into."

Gunner Asch February 27, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I never heard of Minecraft before this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPFD2PVtKQE
but if she gets to be on my team I'm all for it

deelzebub February 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I never get my Wonkette time anymore because of Minecraft. Mr. Deelzebub is nerd enough to be on volunteer staff on a players' server, and when he isn't hogging my computer, he's got my second grader hooked on playing as well.

mrpuma2u February 27, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Win! I It's just a short matter of time before we find the cavern with the talking sleestak skulls of the elders.

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

WiscDad February 27, 2012 at 1:10 pm

For Christ's sake…when will this shit END?

CommieLibunatic February 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

When the rocks melt in the sun, the seas boil dry, and the stars fall from the sky.

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 2:57 pm

2016.

valthemus February 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I… ghi….dagha…eiyah… ahmma… wha?!? WHAT?!?! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?!?

Did I slip and fall into 1850?? Isn't the hip, modern Klansman supposed to favor "subtle" racism these days? UNbelievable!!

CommieLibunatic February 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I forget who said it (Bill Maher?), but someone said these racists have actually grown up. They call O'Dawg all these different scary names because there's one they can't use just sticking in the back of their throat. It starts with "N," ends with "R," and is NOT "Nation Builder."

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Oh that is so 2000. Today's hip Klansman go full tilt racist and then get shouty and ragey for someone pointing out their racism.

chicken_thief February 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Like Obama gives a fuck about being on the ballot in AK anyway. The handful of his supporters up there can easily write his name in. This sort of like my mom telling me that she isn't going to give me that $5 a week allowance that she gave me back in '71 anymore.

Toomush_Infer February 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Ummm, so what would you be willing to do then, Mister?…

chicken_thief February 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Focus on those states that could actually turn the tide – TX, MI, OH, PA, FL, NC, VA?

mayor_quimby February 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Elitist!!

CivicHoliday February 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I bet Orly got all hot and bothered when she heard about this. I sense wedding bells in the future.

Mahousu February 27, 2012 at 1:12 pm

OK, I read the whole thing. His main argument boils down to the fact that Dred Scott was never overturned. Seriously.

He also has the usual birther nonsense, and some stuff about how he doesn't like the certification of nomination that the DNC submitted in 2008, but the main argument is that Dred Scott was only partially voided by the 14th Amendment because, you know, black people.

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm

He got the idea from his annual filing against the IRS, claiming that Pollock v. Farmers' was "only partially voided."

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 1:12 pm

History will record these times as the "Tard Ages".

redarmyzombie February 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Otherwise known as the Nimrodouchean Era.

pinkocommi February 27, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Mr. GW Epperly is that perfect presidential candidate the Republitards have been waiting for.

MaxNeanderthal February 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

He'll be that very, very,white knight they are all fapping themselves into a froth over….

UW8316154 February 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Epperly/Palin 2012

redarmyzombie February 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Epperly/Santorum.

Froth, remember…

SayItWithWookies February 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

This idiot needs a few uncivil rights. And some lefts and uppercuts to boot.

Maman February 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Now we are getting down to the brass tacks objections of the Republicans. Let's watch to see what leaders refuse to throw Mr. Epperly under the bus. Any bus.

Joshua Norton February 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

So basically, he's submitted a pleading that uses the plot of "Show Boat" as a legal citation.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm

My thoughts exactly.

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Seriously, can someone explain the difference between "Civil Rights" and "Political Rights"?

I have a suspicion that according to this drippy dick juice that me being a vagina-carrier negates my right to vote (despite the purported ratification of the 19th Amendment).

prommie February 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Missy, your participation in the political process is limited to withholding the vagina from your man, if he does something you disagree with.

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Figured as much, thanks for the clarification!

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Now don't go giving her that kind of idea!

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Well you did mention Vlad getting me hot and bothered which I fully disagree with, so….

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Fine then, no thumbs up for you!

…nah I can't resist it; you still get one.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm

We talked about this a bit on a thread from this weekend. Basically, the distinction is one pulled out of the deepest, darkest regions of the plaintiff's ass. "The 14th amendment guarantees civil rights? AHA! So then it doesn't guarantee higgle-piggle rights, among which rights include running for president!"

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Even if that were true, both Hawaii and Illinois grant him citizenship. States' rights!!!11!111!!

Steverino247 February 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Vagina-carrier?! For God's sakes woman, put that back where it belongs!

(And don't even THINK about trying to learn to sing from your diaphragm…)

Toomush_Infer February 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Well, considering that, as of Efferling's clarification, your perceived rights would actually be due to the newly reassigned 18th amendment – get your ass back in the kitchen….and take those shoes off!…

x111e7thst February 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

The 14th was in any event only 3/4ths of an Amendment.

ttommyunger February 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"Alaskan Idiot", but then I repeat myself… My compliments to Samuel Clemens.

WiscDad February 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

He missed some aliases…Barry O, BO, Mr President

Goonemeritus February 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Oh here it comes one guy in Alaska makes an interesting historical observation and everyone just assumes he’s a racist.

WinterOuthouse February 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

When did Obama announce his "Negro status"? I always thought he was a white guy with a great tan. Who coulda predicted that???? Things change so fast

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Well…there's 10, maybe 20 votes gone for Obama.

meatlofer February 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Nixon was on the ballot,and he was a fucking Quacker.

ghblowhard February 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

She forgot Barack Hussein Obama Jr.–he might slip onto the ballot using that!

Oblios_Cap February 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm

That's some mighty lawyerly thinking there by Mr. Epperly. Proof by negation is dicey business, though.

Obama was "responsable" for what?

Pop_Socket February 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Racebaiter gonna racebait.

Lynne February 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Sigh, another loony Alaskan for us to have to live down….

redarmyzombie February 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

It's okay, sweetie. Everyone deals with these Nit turds every once in a while.

barto February 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Jesus, how could we have missed that? Nice catch, Gordo!

jus_wonderin February 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Epperly? Didn't he and his brother have a band in the early 60's? I guess this is what happens when tastes change.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Ah, so this is what Cathy's Clown grew up to be.

mavenmaven February 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Now one understands why the teabaggers are constituional originalists. 14th amendment doesn't count, "founding fathers" didn't write it, no black folk in the white house.

JustPixelz February 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

He also contested Lisa Murkowski's election (in 2010 by write-in) on the same grounds:

… Congress has never made provisions in the U.S. Constitution for women or non-white citizens to hold public office.

http://usa-the-republic.com/items%20of%20interest

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm

OK, now I know for certain that he's a Palin hand-puppet.

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Where do you think Mallard Filmore comes from?

BZ1 February 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Mr. Gordon Warren Epperly, Class A racist fool! (sorry no snark here)

cheetojeebus February 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I was just rubbing my temples so hard I crushed my own skull.

KeepFnThatChicken February 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

On every form I ever fill out, if it asks, I always mark "Other."

By no coincidence, I am white… but I just feel like this best embodies the spirit of the CRA of 1964, anyway.

Toomush_Infer February 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I can't say why, but the level of this insanity just cheers me up….

Troglodeity February 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

He makes Orly Taitz look … nah, she's still batshit-crazy.

CommieLibunatic February 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm
bumfug February 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

"Abandon All Pretense, Ye Who Enter Here"

Geminisunmars February 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Alaska — our northernmost southern State.

Slim_Pickins February 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Why didn't Orly think of this herself?

Ramon X February 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

This dude has usurped his bounds.

Eve8Apples February 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Gordon Warren Epperly will be next week's frontrunner to beat Romney in the GOP Presidential Primary.

Redhead February 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You had me at "Alaskan Idiot" – and then I realized it wasn't another story about Palin and it just got better. Oh so much better.

SilverTsunami February 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I think he meant to write, "There is considerable debate within the voices in my head…"

But hey, that mouse thing? Wow, the internet works so much better for me now! Thanks, Mr. Epperly!

redarmyzombie February 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Wrong, wrong, wrong! Everyone knows Barack is a AY-RAB.

Damn Libruls

bauserdotcom February 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Crazy guy has got way more than 10 pages. He's a full-fledged kook with a giant website that says women can't hold office, Ohio isn't really a state, and so on.
http://www.usa-the-republic.com/

SpeedoFart February 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Oh god, why did I click your link? WHY DID I CLICK YOUR LINK?

I need some eye bleach now.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Besides being "crazy", he's another dumbass who doesn't know what the proper use of "quotation marks" is, and goes overboard by putting everything in "italics" for good measure.

glamourdammerung February 27, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Which is funny considering he is part of that "court documents putting your name in all caps makes it not count" lunatic fringe.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Great! If Ohio wasn't a state Kerry won in 2004.

Loaded_Pants February 27, 2012 at 7:53 pm

"Most of the Patriots are not Attorneys and their works should not be construed as giving legal advice."
No shit. I would have never guessed. Thanks for the warning.

revmatty March 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Wow, our Websense filter blocks that site. For once I'm happy about that damned thing.

slowhansolo February 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

We live in an era when any ignorant cracker with an AOL connection can half-cloak their ignorance in a bunch of words and concepts they don't quite understand, but sound really smart to ignorant crackers.

GOPCrusher February 27, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I think this proves he's not a racist dipshit. He's just a dipshit. An equal opportunity dipshit.

donner_froh February 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Condensed Gordon Warren Epperly:

I hate and fear all non-whites.

Limeylizzie February 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Mr.G.W.Epperly is a full 100% cunt. These men , on the other hand, are all magnificent.

http://media.talkingpointsmemo.com/slideshow/whit

TheGyrus February 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I think the 14th amendment was only purportedly ratified due to the fact that Ohio was not a state at the time it was ratified. So, you know, we gots to roll back everyone's civil rights on a technicality.

elburritodeluxe February 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

This jerk doesn't even have the birther nomenclature right. By (natural) law all birther suits must refer to him as Barry Soetero.

SqueekyFromm February 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Well, I call this guy the Sage of Swampy Acres, which is where he lives. And he really puts some very smart stuff on his website about all kinds of things which are very deep and profound, like this:

http://usa-the-republic.com/items%20of%20interest

Which I read, and I think according to the law that I am actually a boat or something like that. Should I check myself for barnacles???

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

I_P February 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"Are the rest of the arguments in Epperly’s filing as totally impregnable as this one?"

I think you meant "impenatrable."

Schmegeg February 27, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Dear Gordon:
Fuck You

fuflans February 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm

that sticky note thing is stupid.

Loaded_Pants February 27, 2012 at 7:42 pm

The Interwebby linky thingies, how do they work?
–Sarah Palin

lulzmonger February 27, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Fucktards gonna fucktard.

a_pink_poodle February 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Still isn't about race lalalalala!

MinAgain February 27, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Mulatto is not a race. It's a tasty sandwich you can buy in New Orleans.

Or is that a muffaletta?

DahBoner February 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

In Italy, can a mullato eat gellato?

Wonderthing February 27, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I ain't even gonna waste snark on this stain.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 6:31 pm

The problem with Alaska is that there's not enough quality DNA to go around.

chascates February 27, 2012 at 8:11 pm

My Computer Mouse wants nothing to do with your 'hidden' Internet Links and surmises you have cabin fever from living in Bum Fuck, Alaska for far too long.

And he's originally from Anchorage!

Catabite February 27, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I'm sorry, I read "mulatto", and now all I can think of is the song "Mulatto Butts" from "Archer". Actually, I think I'm going to go watch the third season and drink, because it's better than beating my head against the table.

Veritas78 February 27, 2012 at 7:09 pm

This is why we lubs us Wonkete. By the time we thoughta sumpin' it wuz posted.

Loaded_Pants February 27, 2012 at 7:34 pm

You've got to remember that George Epperly is one of those simple folks. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new (north) west. You know… morons.

Chet Kincaid February 27, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Congratulations, that's the 20,000th time these 2 Blazing Saddles references have appeared in a Wonkette comment thread!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: