Some cancers get big fancy races on the National Mall, the support of the NFL, full rights over a color, and the satisfaction of raising millions of dollars for education and research. Some cancers even get the support of the brothers Koch, which is morally confusing. Other cancers, though, have to settle for the donations people may or may not make after eating a free stack of buttermilk pancakes from their local 24-hour lard shop. It’s hard out there when you’re not America’s Favorite Cancer or America’s Villains’ Favorite Cancer, so if you feel like doing something to help eradicate Leukemia and/or Lymphoma, eat pancakes at IHOP today.
There really are only two times when the food served at IHOP is morally acceptable to the type of people who spend their days rallying against processed Mac and Cheese and their nights eating its “elevated” yet probably-just-as-poisonous equivalent: when they are drunk or when free food is involved. Throw in a good charity like cancer, even if it is blood cancer, and the place will be packed.
IHOP will be giving away a free short stack of pancakes today between 10 am and 10 pm in celebration of National Pancake Day, Real America’s Other Christmas and a handy promotional event for the Flapjack Union, and, we guess, cancer, too. The hope is that you will eat this stack of flour, sugar, MSG, nuclear eggs, and non-local pig product, and that this near-death experience will move you to donate some dollars to these up-and-coming diseases.
If it bothers you that there won’t be a cure for cancer at the bottom of your pile of free pancakes, there is always the Susan G. Komen Race for Cure, which is in D.C. in June. Although there technically will not be a cure at the end of the race either, there will be Yoplait yogurt.
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But isn't Shrove Tuesday next week?
Maybe? That's the one where you have to flagellate yourself with a palm frond, right?
Everyday is Fat Tuesday in America, silly.
Not me. I'm going to end leukemia and/or lymphoma by taking my car out onto the highway, pulling off onto the shoulder, and sitting there honking and waving.
Mmmmmmmmmm Pan-cancertastic.
Mmmmmmmm pan-creatic cancer.
Alt.text from Arielle? It's a Pancake Day miracle!
"Riley likes to be fed", eh?
Does Andy cut his pancakes up and lovingly feed them to Riley? Or just toss his salad?
He just rolls them up, slides them through the wiring in Riley's crate and tells them they're crepes.
How does this affect Sarah Palin? Will Trig grow up with a bacon deficiency too?
Sarah P. won't have a comment until Michelle Obama does. Then she will take the opposite side. Contrarian to the end.
This is good news for Mike Huckabee. The pancakes are free, leaving him to only have to pay for the ham by the square foot.
Maybe I read this wrong, but my takeaway is Pancakes Cause Cancer. Is that right?
Cure for cancer? I see several causes of cancer in that short stack! Preservatives in the batter, fats in the "butter", nitrates and nitrites in the bacon, along with polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons from the bacon-smoke and the pancake frying. Yum!
Yo, Euell Gibbons, there's a bowl of Grape Nuts off-camera.
I remember that guy; he died of a bleeding ulcer. Maybe pine trees really aren't so edible.
Just a little rough.
When do we celebrate "National Cholesterol Day"?
(In russian accent): In United States, cholesterol celebrates you!
My sister-in-law has eaten everything on the IHOP, seven page, menu and now has one favorite. Please eat at IHOP. Since my brother owns all or maybe just one page of the menu this will help keep him solvent.
Another benefit, you will die sooner so you don't have to put up with the republitards as long.
Another benefit: If you eat there long enough, you won't need electricity. You'll be radioactive and will be your very own power source. Thus reducing your carbon foot print.
Always look for the sunny side up.
It's better over easy.
You mean her ghost writer did. Oh, how I would love to see what word combinations / alternate spellings Bristol herself would come up with. It might make her mom look like a Rhodes Scholar.
A million monkeys typing on a million typewriters….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_monkey_theo…
Tee-Hee
"monkeys"
Fight Leukemia and/or Lymphoma while larding up your arteries and increasing the risk of heart disease.
Win-win.
There are three IHOPs in Mexico. The rest are in Canada and the US. Isn't "International" a bit of a stretch? Kinda like the "World" Series.
Leukemia is what finally got my dear ol' dad.
Maybe I should have et more pancakes :(
(Hey, it was a long time ago, you don't have to say you're sorry for my loss or whatever, unless you can do it in a humorously snarky way.)
"Anything further, father?"
"That's not right! Shouldn't it be anything father, further?"
No snark, but — my daughter was diagnosed at 4, but is now perfectly fine. Obama got rid of the "pre-existing" thing for her, but the f***king Repuglicans want to bring it back …. one of the myriad of reasons that I hate hate hate their guts. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Oh, and eat pancakes for Leukemia research.
Leukemia is the original blood libel!
Shut up. I go there when I am hungover. So, always.
You need better Mexican restaurants in your area. Huevos Rancheros are hangover manna.
Gyros are perfect for hangovers; sadly all the ones I've had since leaving Chicago are sub-par.
Cherizo and eggs.
Dwayne Allman & Sonny Bono got there first.
Dick's Deluxe if you're hungover in Seattle
And diabetes' nefarious plan to rule the world takes another step toward fruition.
non-local pig product
How could there be a lack of local pig product (shit, snout, trotter…) in D.C.?
Butter and Syrup: 40 bucks .
When are we going to see foam hands with index fingers, stained brown, pointing skyward, waving in the air at football games to remind us that we should let our doctors "do the wave" over our prostates? Since prostate cancer (the most commonly diagnosed cancer) kills more male NFL players and fans than breast cancer kills female NFL cheerleaders and fans, you'd think somebody might pay some attention to that. Everybody likes boobies but nobody wants a finger in the ass (the Reverend/Senator [your-name-here] being a possible exception), so which cause needs "more work" do you suppose? Christ, even Pop Warner players are tied up in pink every October and they won't be playing with boobies for at least five years. I want to see NFL refs with brown whistles and NFL players with brown ribbons on their helmets this September (which happens to be Prostate Cancer Awareness Month). Fair is fair.
It's because football players of all ages like boobies.
The refs do, too. They just can't show it. I just think the color pink should be reserved for naughty bits and flowers and naughty bits that resemble flowers.
I think the NFL is thinking of moms, sisters, daughters, and wives, too.
BTW: The Yankees do a big thing with prostate cancer every year on Father's Day. I think Michael Milliken (of junk bond fame) runs it. I thought it was an MLB thing, but maybe it's just NYC.
Is the idea to squish cancer flatter than a pancake?
I go to Alice's Restaurant, it's just around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track, you can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant, ('cepting Alice).
Thanks Arlo.
needs more father-rapers.
Ich bin ein IHOP. More maple syrup, please.
You know, the really appropriate beverage to fight leukemia would be bloody marys. And I'm appalled that no restaurant is offering a bloody mary special — but dammit, if it's about fighting cancer, I will sit myself down and drink bloody marys all day (hold the Worcestershire if you please) even if I have to do it all by myself.
You'd think the Kochs would sponsor ass-cancer, really.
The Kochs ARE an ass cancer.
Fuck National Pancake day. That's like celebrating National rice cake day. The real holiday is National Maple Syrup Day. National Sausage Day ain't bad, either. Also.
C'mon…… raise your hand if you'd drop whatever you're doing now for a plate of pancakes and fried Babe slices. Yeah, I thought so…
No thanks, just had a plate of donuts. But we should definitely do lunch.
Is anyone really surprised that a Koch brother wants to cure asshole-related cancer?
That is simply self interest.
We in Waffle-House Land welcome our new IHOP Overlords.
So since the Kochs specialize in doing for them that do for them. Which one do you think has Prostate Cancer? Not like they would do it out of the kindness of their black, cold, dead hearts would they?
It's just so sad and infuriating how Jesus has been taken out of Pancake Day.
How wrong you are.
Okay, there are still people who observe, but not that many. I can't even remember the last time I heard someone say, "Christ, these are swell pancakes!"
How about calling this one the Limbaugh Cancer.
FLAP FLAP FLAP
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