For reasons which are quite frankly still unclear, the comely matrons of The View invited Bill O’Reilly to come on their show and gossip about the handsomeness of Barack Obama. Bill O’Reilly loves screeching into teevee cameras, so of course he accepted this gracious invitation. And obviously they didn’t even get to talk about whatever they usually talk about on The View, because Bill O’Reilly just started shouting “Muslims killed us on 9/11!” over and over again and everyone got really upset, except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who rubbed her nipples and moaned. Bill O’Reilly has a way with the ladies.
O’REILLY: Muslims killed us on 9/11!
GOLDBERG: Oh my God! That is so (expletive)
O’REILLY: Muslims didn’t kill us on 9/11? (crosstalk)
GOLDBERG: What religion was Mr. McVeigh?
O’REILLY: Muslims killed us on 9/11!
BEHAR: I don’t want to sit here.
And then Whoopi and Behar got up, punched O’Reilly in the dick (in their minds), and left.
Later, guy-on-MSNBC-apparently Dylan Ratigan recited a refreshingly not-dumb “why is Bill O’Reilly and the rest of America so dumb re: Muslims?” soliloquy on Joe Scarborough’s coffee show.
So anyway. Bill O’Reilly made Whoopi Goldberg cry, probably. Never Forget! [ThinkProgress/Gawker]
{ 105 comments }
Whoopi should have torn off Babs arm and beat Bill O within an inch of his life!!!
Nah, if he wants that, he has to pay for it like usual. No freebies.
Rosie O'Donnell woulda taken a page from her sister Christine and turned him into a toad. A different toad.
Ted Danson will be right over to punch that rat bastard O'Reilly where the loofa don't reach.
Actually, O'Reilly proved the loofah *does* reach there.
I can haz vomit now?
"Shut up and learn!"
Oh, how often have I wanted to say that to a girl.
Who do you imagine when you think it, Bawba or Whoopi?
But you've muttered it to yourself while shaking your head with regret, those times when you've seen yet another female with a busted lip. Amirite?
But I thought that O'Reilly never yelled "shut up."
Muslin groupies….!
Elisabeth Hasselbeck did not rub her nipples and moan. She pinched them hard and squealed girlishly, as is her custom.
I become more and more convinced that they didn't, actually. Whoopi should have asked Bill about WTC 7.
"Ask me about WTC7."
Sounds like an ad for diet pills. Or a fuel additive.
It's fuel alright..for racist assholes.
I did what I could to mitigate the damage but my influence is limited to one thumbs up. Is it just me or is it getting a tad knee-jerk around here? Must be the impending erections.
Super. Now I have to add "made me agree with Whoopi Goldberg" to the list of reasons I want to feed Bill O'Reilly into a wood chipper, and it's already a damned long list.
Slowly and feet first I presume.
But, of course!
Slowly and feet first or just in one big push – as long as the job gets done. Finish the danged chipping!
Keep chipping that fucker!
I would say dick first, but Bill O's is so small, it would just slip on past the blades.
Just remember he goes in feet first . . . .
Remember the Maine!
What the fuck is up with all this thumbs down bullshit? This place is going to hell in a handbasket ever since we let HuffPoers participate anonymously in our Wonkette fun. Seriously, that shit makes me mad.
I love you Prommie, and restored you to +1.
And another to grow on. We have Huffers here?
Yep. All the time. Reading our shit and getting bent all out of shape because (a) they don't realize this is a sarcastic blog, and (2) those of us who love it here do so for that reason. In the recent past, all we had to worry about were the banhammer, or member(s) of the wonkeratti admonishing us for not bringing the funny. Now we have this thumbs up / thumbs down business. Well, I refuse to be inhibited!!!11!
In my small surveys, those w/ negative pee are counter-trolling on wingnut blogs. I'm uncertain whether to be stingy w/ my thumbs, (up or down), give of them freely, or just sit on them.
I've noticed that, too — it appears primarily to be a phenomenon of PUMA/Palin-attracting estrogen-heavy posts.
It's like Wonkette's RSS feed shines a retarded female fetus signal into the sky, and the bitter bitches show up and just start cold hate fisting comments all willy-nilly and shit.
My suspicion is that the Palin/O'Donnell posts attract the testosterone brigade who defend the honor of their fapfapfapfapfap fantasies while fapfapping some more.
Perhaps they think the icons for the thumbs mean something else?
This is just beautiful! What you are saying, is the place gets Jezebel-y.
Plus, also, you sound all Achewoody and shit, and I just cold lurves me some Achewood, all day long. Achewood taught me expressions such as "shit the bed with the lights on."
You're much too kind, Prom Night Dumpster Baby.
(Uh-oh…I think I just triggered the Jez-Signal!)
Damned straight! I'd give you two thumbs up, but I lost one in a wood chipper.
I attribute it to all the Trig huggers stalking us whenever "Palin" or "Retard" hits the RSS.
This pee stream is beginning to feel really familiar…
I just thought pee points were like whuffie. You mean to say I shouldn't trust science fiction?
If there was ever a time that the Earth should have shook, opened up a chasm and swallowed people whole, this was it.
Can we just restrict that to stupid racist white America, please? I want to keep enjoying long-haired Samoan warriors, thank you very much.
Muslims killed us on 9/11? What does that even mean ferchissakes?
Yeah, I'm feeling pretty alive right now.
Funny, I don't remember dying on that day. Maybe we're actually in a what seems to a parallel universe but is actually some sort of afterlife place that's really stupid and the reveal fucks up what would have otherwise been a superb ending to our stories.
Oh God, please don't let this be the Afterlife. Because if it is, I want to go back to the Beforelife.
Well, since Glenn Beck sez we were bathed in a new spirit on 9/12 – reborn, as it were – perhaps us wuz killed on 9/11. Or I'm still drunk.
Well, Bill O' covered himself with falafel and had a little death that day.
'Course he does that everyday….
Just sayin'.
The funnest part was watching Bahbwa Wahwah, right smack dab in the middle of the fight, undoubtedly wishing she was back in her dressing room, fave 8-inch vibrator in hand, switched on to "jackhammer" mode.
Despite what you say, I do not believe that the matrons of The View are comely.
Still needs moar chair throwing and weave-snatching. Especially O'Reilly's.
The Dylan Ratigan rant was good considering:
a). It was on Morning Blow
b). I normally find Dylan Ratigan to be an insufferable cock gobbler.
Jesus titty fucking Christ, was it too much to hope for a meteor to crash into the studio to wipe out the lot of those fucking wastes of protoplasm? Seriously, not a single person on that stage is worth the goddamn oxygen their bodies displace by simply existing.
Yes, end the long, national nightmare…
Hey, c'mon, Whoopie's pretty awesome. She gets, like, at least a 50-year free pass on dumb talk show stuff just for her work in Star Trek alone.
not to mention her innovative roles on "Elmo's World", which are second only to those of Julia Roberts.
CTW is a perverse leftist, liberal morally relativistic plot. Which I wholeheartedly endorse.
(Although I'm still pissed the axed Katy Perry for wearing a prom dress).
On the one hand, she was good as Guinan; on the other, the role was pretty much textbook magic negro (as have been well over half of Whoopi's characters).
What's a girl to do? She doesn't exactly look like Whitney Houston.
She doesn't look like a shriveled anorexic coke addict well past her prime?
Houston was hot at that time, though; it's really more of a criticism of the writers than Goldberg.
Literally.
Now Barack Obama has cornered the magic negro roles, so what's Whoopi going to do?
Or at least a life time pass for the hats she wore on STNG.
Ooh, look at Bill's body language with the ladies! He's such a suave gentleman, makin' those ladies feel special! Bet he gets lots of action over at the FNC Blond Bimbo Bunny Club.
Bill was just being especially dickish to chase the old ladies away so that he could be alone with the cute blond asshole to ask about her masturbation habits.
Remember way back when, like a week ago, when we all thought of Papa Bear as "the sort of reasonable guy on FOX"?
Hahaha. He showed us.
No shit, I actually posted in defense of that asshole. Oh my God the shame.
What counts as proper penance here on Wonkette? Watching Palin speeches til my ears bleed?
Say five Hail Ruperts, and watch five hours of Fox & Friends on acid.
Nails in the eyes. Five each. And no crying.
Go and sin no more.
Monsignor of the Damned
If I'd been there Elisabeth wouldn't have had to rub her own nipples…
Whoopi knows they didn't "kill us" kill us.
This is why the Mooslims hate us. Aw hell, this is why I hate us;too also.
B.O. is showing off his world famous way with the ladies.
Next thing you know he is whipping out a loofah and going all Andrea Mackris on them.
They sat right back down again shortly afterwards. If you're going to quit, go "full-Palin" or don't bother.
You mean, make a rambling incoherent statement, stop doing your actual job and trade it in for grifting and lucrative speaking gigs? I really don't need a Joy Behar live tour, and neither do you.
Ick. Nasty visual when B.O. told Behar "I'll show you that pole in a minute".
A line Bill uses a lot. Which means he probably isn't getting laid a lot which really explains all the anger.
First I had the sound off….Bill was showing Whoopi how big his was; then Whoopi is showing him her little finger, which I guess is how big she figures it is….then I turned the sound on: "You want to see that pole?…I'll show you that pole in a heartbeat…" Riley, Why why why have you shown us this, you cruel SOB….?
Whenever Bill O'Dickhead makes an appearance on Wonkette, it's story time. Here again is a recap of the best of his turgid erotic prose in his triumph of letters, Those Who Trespass. Sit at the feet of the master and learn:
"Say baby, put down that pipe and get my pipe up."
"I would like you to unhook your bra and let it slide down your arms. You can keep your shirt on."
"Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds."
"Off with those pants."
"Cunnilingus involves the lips and tongue."
And then this little tidbit of hygienic advice:
"Visit your dentist regularly."
You forgot "Front to back, sweet cheeks…Front. To. Back."
Thank you! Added to the list for future reference. That is a classic; don't know how I overlooked that. Probably because I was facing sideways.
Oh, geez! I missed that one. I’ll add it to the list. Tx.Â
And yet O'Reilly isn't upset that every American died a little bit inside when he published that.
Truly, which is the greater horror against mankind?
I might argue the worst horror facing mankind is the possibility that O'Reilly won't churn out any more torrid prose. Maybe it's just me, but that stuff is fucking hilarious–and I say that as an English teacher type.
And Bill didn't even have to yell for it.
"Males killed us on 911!"
Someone finally said it! Men have infudiated themselves into positions of power all over this great land. It's time we did something about this.
Bill-O has been stressed out lately because Glenn Beckerhead has soared right past him in the Fox barn pecking order. Bill-O is on The View every time he poops out another book (which means he is on the View about twenty times a year) and it's just a short limo ride from his whorehouse/office. He's gonna stage a bunch of these stunts in a vain attempt to make himself look relevant again (if you want to call being the biggeset asshole on Fox "relevant"),
When is Bill going to do his No Spin Shit from the streets of Tehran? Or the markets of Baghdad? Or in a tea joint in Kabul? O'Reilly tries his Levitown schtick on The View… that's in a secure television studio. Probably rehearsed that line many many times. Why? Because Glen Beck is stealing all his thunder for being insane.
Is motherfucking iced tea halal?
i'm just concerned that ashton kutcher has cheated again.
Someone paid Bill to be on TV, and you watched it, so you lose. Haha, sucker!
I didn't watch it then or now. O'ranty didn't get killed on 9/11. The View , like much of TV, is a waste of time- unlike say, Warehouse 13 or Giada at Home. Those are why God gave us TV.
Today, we all don't want to sit there.
I just assumed that Behar and Goldberg walked out of the interview as payback for Billo's treatment of Terry Gross.
Feminists, take note. When bilious grandiose fartsack makes stupid pronouncements, turning red with impotent rage and raising his voice like some nightmare daddy figure RUN OUT OF THE ROOM.
After trying to work his "magic" on Gretchen Carlson and Megyn Kelly, I'd bet Bill would find Hasselbeck a welcome change.
Good thing he's the ONLY one. Christ, I think I'd rather seduce Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck.
Every part of the official government 9/11 story is a lie.
Every part of the controlled media sold it to the public.
Okay fine, Dylan, I like you again.
You know, I have disliked Whoopi Goldberg for a long, long time. Back to when she was doing standup in S.F. in the early 1980s.
But her walking out on the pompous, blowhard, loofa-munching pseudo-Irish Dickhead:
"Bravo, Ms. Goldberg. Bravo." ::::Polite golf clap::: "Well played!"
[Although, I could avoid having to revise my opinion on The Professional Negress, and use this as just another reason to hate B.O. . . . .]
I thought she was teh hawtsome in Burgler.
I have a thumb system…for a given value of "system". If a comment makes me smile/laugh or think, thumbs up. I only down thumb when something is truly obnoxious and I care enough.
Full disclosure (confession?). I am a Huffer…sort of. I was pretty active there until I reached 100 "fans". Whee, that was fun. Well not really, because Huffpo essentially sucks. It's hard to be funny when the goderators are always harshing the buzz.
I have an original, signed drawing of Ray, he is talking to me, too, and says "dayum son," its my proudest possession.
Just don't turn on the grail-light. You know what the punishment for that is, the oral sex.
My basic system is to give a thumbs up if: 1) I laugh or smile; 2) I comment on the post; or 3) You comment on my post. I don't think I have given a thumbs down.
Still, since I don't care about the "reputation" a person has, and with the exception of long timers with obvious avatars, don't really pay attention to who posted what until I read the comment, this whole thumbs system seems a little foolish to me. Just another case of government getting to big and controlling everything, I suppose.
Works for me and I do about the same. I do the Huff thing sometimes, but sometimes the stuff that some Americans believe makes me nuts and I come here for the funny and to vent about stupid stuff.
Ok punish me.
Comments on this entry are closed.