gay republican virgins in the news

Too obvious?  We'll tell you when it's too obviousHE DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE … IF ONLY HE HADN’T PERSONALLY BANNED SAME-SEX MARRIAGE EVERYWHERE: Bush 2004 re-election architect and newly out gay person Ken Mehlman, aged 43, is a virgin! So Marc Ambinder says in a comment on his Atlantic blog. Ambinder is holding some kind of Q&A session about Ken Mehlman’s gayness, in the comments of his own blog? We don’t really understand how the Internet works anymore. Here is what Wonkette proprietor Ken Layne had to say about this news, in Wonkette’s secret chat room: “so if rove doesn’t cum in your mouth, yr technically a virgin?” Then he said “SORRY EVERYBODY,” as if that makes it better. [Atlantic, via The Awl]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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52 comments

  1. Tar and Feathers

    The weird just keep getting weirder.

    It would be pretty funny if it was all happening on someone else’s planet.

  2. JMP

    And unless he can get an in with one of the former brethren in the closeted self-loathing Republicans, he’s going to stay that way, there’s no way any self-respecting gay may would provide pleasure to someone who’s done so much damage to the gay community.

  3. Serolf Divad

    10 years from now Tom Tancredo will come out and confess that he’s been secretly Mexican all along and is sorry about that whole immigration stuff.

    And like Mehlmhan I’ll still regard him as a piece of human garbage not worth sharing the time of day with.

  4. Autochthon

    I’m sure the loathsome little weasel has done something illegal (after all, he’s a GOP pol). I say we send ‘im to prison and *fix* that virginity problem! I feel sure that he’d be the most popular boy on his cell-block…

  5. marioninnyc

    Ken Layne just made me vomit. Does this give me the right to hire Morris Dees to sue Wonkette for ownership of Wonkette?

  6. Zadig

    [re=647146]Serolf Divad[/re]: Not only that, but the bigots will resent him for stealing his jerb as a crazed racist from decent, hard-working American bigots.

  7. edgydrifter

    He’s a virgin BY CHOICE–purity of essence, sheeple! We must protect and hoard our vital fluids!

  8. jodyleek

    So, let me get this straight. The GOP hates the gays and the Muslims. Half the GOP are closeted gays. Is the other half closeted Muslims?

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Oh right he’s a virgin — what he means is that he’s a virgin under the name “Ken Mehlman.”

  10. iburl

    “(Ken Mehlman) often wondered why gay voters never formed common cause with Republican opponents of Islamic jihad, which he called “the greatest anti-gay force in the world right now.””

    That’s kind of like the person cutting off your arms asking why you haven’t joined his cause to stop all the arm-cuttings-off in Darfour.
    Yes, it’s exactly like that.

  11. chaste everywhere

    O my precious stars and garters, Mehlman and Layne are both named . . . Ken. Coincidenza?

  12. Mr Blifil

    Josh, if you are the victim of an inappropriate or hostile work environment, I know an excellent grief counselor/litigator you might want to contact. In order to obtain closure. I mean come to think about it, this kind of explains the whole Newell/Gawker decision.

  13. Oblios Cap

    Send him to Ted Haggard for “The Treatment”. Ted went through it and look at how well he turned out.

  14. Prommie

    I feel dirty when I receive information even third-hand from The Awl. The smug, it is si sticky and greasy feeling and it gets all over you. Its like going to a Woody Allen movie.

  15. FMA

    [re=647170]Oblios Cap[/re]: Yeah, just ship him out to Haggard with a baggie of meth and a bottle of Astroglide. With sand it in.

  16. Brazillionaire

    Fuck Mehlman and the whole Virgin Man-child routine he’s perpetratin’. I know some brovvahs who would rehabilitate that dried-up booty like it’s supposed to!

  17. RoscoePColtraine

    So Mehlman decided that he wouldn’t have sex outside of marriage, for moral and religious reasons or whatever, but he’d already pretty much worked his ass off to make sure that he’d never be able to marry the person he’d really prefer to marry; and now he decides that celibacy is out of the question, and he’s all waa waa waaaaaa. FUCK YOU KEN. Go sign yourself up for chemical castration and just shut the fuck up.

  18. Prommie

    [re=647144]JMP[/re]: There is, alas, as a result of our society’s pathological attitude towards homosexuality, no shortage of gay men who lack self-respect, who would surely oblige Mr. Mehlman.

  19. Can O Whoopass

    By repug standards Clinton’ls bj was a deadly sin, cause it was by a woman.
    Who set this standard, Nixon? ”

    Mr. President, you look like you could use a blowjob. May I be of assistance?” -Henry Kissinger.

  20. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=647176]Prommie[/re]: He’ll be stuck with a dude who’s only in it for the money, if he wants to find someone “pretty.” That’s right, Ken, the love of your fucking life wouldn’t give you the time of day if you weren’t propping his hot ass up by the pool with nary a care in the world, you pathetic piece of shit. Better hope that money doesn’t run out.

  21. BOOBIES!

    A psychiatrist could make a fortune treating the GOP “family values” clan. There’s so much hate, fear, sexual oppression and self-loathing.

  22. Doglessliberal

    [re=647183]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: [re=647176]Prommie[/re]: a nice Chelsea pad worth a lot, but not sure it is worth THAT. But you are right, some self-hating male will think it is.

  23. Native of SL UT

    Wait, something’s not right here. I heard that gay men wake up with hard-ons at the crack of Don and fuck everything in sight until they are so exhausted they must sleep. That’s why their agenda is so dangerous, isn’t it?

  24. Ruhe

    I guess technically it could be true. He may have penetrated and yet never have been penetrated himself. Somebody call Jeff Gannon and ask him if he remembers how it went down.

  25. widestanceromancer

    This only proves how much of an unf*ckable wretch he is, since even at his age, no one has even hate-f*cked him.

    Let’s make Melman a term to describe the terminally unf*ckable. Dan Savage, are you listening?

  26. Doglessliberal

    [re=647203]Ruhe[/re]: this is far more than we need to speculate on at any time, let alone lunch time.

  27. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=647188]Doglessliberal[/re]: [re=647176]Prommie[/re]: And then there’s booze booze and more booze, but that borders on sexual assault when you make ‘em pass out first.

  28. Vulpes82

    [re=647191]Native of SL UT[/re]: Or some pretty dolt who doesn’t even know who Bush was, let alone Ken Mehlmann.

    Anyway, I thought my five years and counting of celibacy was a drought! And yet because of the aforementioned pretty dolts and a luxury Chelsea apartment, he’ll probably still get laid before I do.

    [re=647171]Prommie[/re]: What, you don’t like bear videos?!? Yeah, there is occasionally some smugness, but like Wonkette doesn’t occasionally (?) veer into nihilistic juvenilia? Every site has its vice.

  29. Joshua Norton

    Reminds me of a joke about a conversation between Marilyn Monroe and Tallulah Bankhead.

    Marilyn: You know Miss Bankhead, even though people like to gossip about my sex life, I still have my cherry.

    Tallulah: Tell me darling, doesn’t it get in the way when you f*ck?

    Bah dum ting!

  30. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=647191]Native of SL UT[/re]: … gay men wake up with hard-ons at the crack of Don …

    LOL

  31. Way Cool Larry

    If he’s saying he never had his penis in a vagina, then technically, yes, he is a virgin.

  32. Potater

    [re=647207]widestanceromancer[/re]: You can write “fuck” here, you know. I slipped Nana the heady pills, so we can say it all night long even. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

    [re=647176]Prommie[/re]: [re=647183]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Screw self-respect. Self-respect don’t pay student loans. Of course, I need to be pretty damn hammered (like with an actual, physical hammer) before I’d let Mehl-Man put his two incher anywhere near my posterior. Even gold diggers have standards.

  33. sati demise

    [re=647203]Ruhe[/re]: I was going to say, wasn’t Jeff Gannon on the payroll?
    If they pay a whore for other services is it still prostitution?
    Just how close were Ken and Jeff? Did Ken arrange to give him the White House passes, hotel reservations and cab fare?

  34. widestanceromancer

    [re=647308]Potater[/re]: Glad someone called me on the s*lliness of spelling with asterisks, but alas, I’m at work. . .at least I did not resort to ‘frack.’

  35. PlanetWingnuta

    If Ken’s a virgin then who was Jeff Gannon fucking…i say fucking cause i remember those expose of his escort/scratch that.. PROSTITUTION DAYS. and he always advertized as a top.

  36. Extemporanus

    I’m not posting the following to be needlessly crass, but rather to graphically illustrate the rank, risible, hypocritical bigotry at the heart of anti-gay conservatives such as Rove and Mehlmen (btw, thanks for the slashfic, Ken!):

    I assume that most of you are aware of the fact that Karl Rove’s stepfather was gay. (Karl, for his part, claims he had absolutely no idea…)

    What some of you may not be aware of is the fact that Louis Rove was also one of the early pioneers of the modern art of body piercing (really!), and is considered by many hardcore gay practioners of said art to be something of a legend.

    Here’s why: ACTUAL PHOTO OF KARL ROVE’S STEPFATHER’S EXTREMELY NSFW PENIS

    [Please DO NOT click the NSFW clicky if heavily perforated, gold-plated, ginger peen is not your cup of teabag. He doesn't just have a Prince Albert — he has three whole generations of the entire fucking British royal family! I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.]

  37. katrina

    I love the Wonkette episodes that feature the back and forth in the secret Wonkette chat room. It should be on a crawl somewhere on the page.

  38. Enslave the Whales

    Great flaming Jesus-flavored bratwurst. If we’re going to have an English (or Murkin) language, we have to agree that words actually have meanings. “Virgin”, as a simple noun, describes a female who has an intact hymen. The meaning has been significantly modified by usage to also indicate a novice, or more precisely, someone who is about to become a novice, in some aspect of life. Additionally, it is sometimes applied to males who have not had penetrative intercourse (implicitly, with a female).

    I’m straight, so I will defer to any gay interlocutors if there is a consensus about what “virgin” means to male gays. Pending that possible correction, men don’t have hymens, so it must mean something else (if it means anything). One possible meaning seems to be “hasn’t been fucked in the ass”. By analogy to the last paragraph, it would also seem to include “has not fucked anybody else in the ass (or vagina)”.

    These definitions lead to the following points:

    1. To be a male virgin, you must not have been fucked in the ass, or fucked anyone else in either ass or vagina.

    2. This concept, if widely accepted, may create a problem for any females who think that anal sex preserves virginity. It’s one of those cognitive dissonance things — intact hymen= VIRGIN; buttsecks=NOT VIRGIN (for guys). Gender equality, goose-gander. Tricky stuff.

    3. With specific reference to Ken Mehlman, I think I can speak for much of the straight community that we would be delighted to see someone with a corncob go all Faulkner on his ass.

  39. Extemporanus

    [re=647898]Enslave the Whales[/re]: That was really quite swell.

    Points 1 & 2 should be printed in bold type on both sides of an ass-load of laminated bookmarks that are then slipped into every single Bible the hymen-less heathens are able to get their God-forsaken fingers on.

    Gideon’s would likely make for a good start…

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