BUSH TOLD US TO GO SHOPPING  11:47 am August 27, 2010

by Ken Layne

Furries lurve Tea!SEND US SEXY PICTURES OF *YOU* IN YOUR WONKETTE T-SHIRTS: We learned from the Comics Curmudgeon (who is also your morning editor Josh Fruhlinger) that readers love to see fellow readers wearing funny shirts from the site they’re all reading. Why? Probably something about psychology or pornography.

So, if you’ve got a hot new Wonkette shirt and a camera and someone to take your picture, please go outside or whatever — maybe with a Local Landmark in the background? — and take a nice picture of yourself and send it to tips -at- wonkette with the subject line HERE IS T-SHIRT FOTO ART.

We will choose five (5) photos to use for the WonketteMart T-shirt shop, and we will send EACH of you five (5) people a Free Shirt of Your Choice. Keep it for yourself or present it as a gift at your next social event or funeral or bris. And thanks again for ordering from WonketteMart!

WERE YOU AWARE? We now offer XL2 sizes of our most popular shirts! Everything is now in stock and ships Immediately! And new items (including Wonkette Operative coffee/whisky mugs and Wonkette-logo Tees) are coming next month! [WonketteMart]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Monsieur Grumpe August 27, 2010 at 11:52 am

I’m still waiting for Wonkette thongs and rhinestone nut cups.

qwerty42 August 27, 2010 at 11:56 am

The Wonkette sex toys? That’s where the big bucks are, Ken.

Mr Blifil August 27, 2010 at 11:56 am

Is this some kind of weird, out of the way, throw her off the scent effort to get LimeyLizzie to show her t*tz?

Dashboard_Buddha August 27, 2010 at 11:56 am

I need a sticker of the “Don’t teabag on me” for the car.

Oblios Cap August 27, 2010 at 11:56 am

[re=647068]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:

Somebody’s going to need some Fresh Balls to go along with that order.

user-of-owls August 27, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=647068]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Ooo, ooo…and Wonkette snuggies too?!

Limeylizzie August 27, 2010 at 12:01 pm

[re=647072]Mr Blifil[/re]: I was actually going to put my legs in said t-shirt’s arm holes and wear it as a pair of pants and show off my bum.

user-of-owls August 27, 2010 at 12:02 pm

[re=647071]qwerty42[/re]: Rumor is that this lady was using an unauthorized version of said toy.


Limeylizzie August 27, 2010 at 12:03 pm

[re=647068]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: We are waiting to see you in those as well.

actor212 August 27, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Can we haz TruckNutz?

Monsieur Grumpe August 27, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Thong or nutcup?
I’m taking requests.

Limeylizzie August 27, 2010 at 12:09 pm

[re=647089]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Oh nutcup , no question.

user-of-owls August 27, 2010 at 12:10 pm

[re=647089]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Can the nutcup stop bullets? That’s an important consideration.

amy amnesia August 27, 2010 at 12:12 pm

when are submissions due??? i have to get to a suitably sketch place.

Formerly Preferred August 27, 2010 at 12:13 pm

[re=647089]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Apparently in the land “Down Under” (heh heh) they refer to tight Speedos as “budgie smugglers.” I picked up this tidbit, which is now my new favorite phrase, in the Economist, so it is higher brow than you might think.

Sharkey August 27, 2010 at 12:20 pm

I bet those “AMERICA LOVES TEA” shirts would be a big hit a the Glenn Beck rally – baggers wouldn’t get the irony. How quickly can you get me 4 cases, Ken?

V572625694 August 27, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Given the Cheet-o-philic predilictions and couch/cubicle-potato habits of the Wonkette readership, Ken had ought to order a few pallets of 3XL. Is there a snuggli model?

[re=647072]Mr Blifil[/re]: God I hope so.

Fuck Toad August 27, 2010 at 12:33 pm

I am waiting for my XXL Wonkette logo shirt, so people can say “why are you wearing a shirt that says ‘Wonkette’, fat man?” and I can cry.

I will buy the coffee cup, also. I WILL BE YOUR MONKEY, LAYNE.

TGY August 27, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Fresh blingie fodder.

Lascauxcaveman August 27, 2010 at 12:35 pm

From what I remember of Wonkette breast-barings of the past, Mr. Layne, I suggest you send Nerdalicious one of your smaller shirts in white, and bucket of very cold water, stat.

WIDTAP August 27, 2010 at 12:36 pm

[re=647071]qwerty42[/re]: Good point.

But Ken, you are thinking small potatoes here. Have you learned nothing from the grifters? The big money is in direct shipping those sex toys and accessories to Washington pols. Just think of how much profit you lost out on by posting the news on Ken Mehlman without the corresponding offer to drop ship a tube of lube for each $20 donation from the Wonketeria. Hell, you could retire on the diaper margin alone.

Snarko Marx August 27, 2010 at 12:42 pm

[re=647103]Formerly Preferred[/re]: In Foreign Affairs magazine they prefer “Banana Hammock”.

Tar and Feathers August 27, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Question: are we allowed to wear pants?

Zorg August 27, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Shilling T-shirts. This is just sad.

freakishlystrong August 27, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Also DC Wonketteers, please to wear your shirt tomorrow to the geriatric racist Blech thingee, just wade on in there, amongst the throngs, it’ll be great for the picshure taking.

Mr Blifil August 27, 2010 at 12:58 pm

[re=647081]Limeylizzie[/re]: Hmm…in that case best to get a pair of nut cups in which to hold your gurlz.

Mitt August 27, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Capitol Hillbilly August 27, 2010 at 1:47 pm

does it count if i am in my “back yard” in “washington DC’, “Jacking off”?

Monsieur Grumpe August 27, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Hmmmmmm. I don’t know the answer to that question. Only one way to find out I guess. Any volunteers?

Excellent choice!

PoetryMan August 28, 2010 at 1:51 am

(Those shirts… Once more with feeling, maybe? But sober?)

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