Is Sarah Palin’s Golden Touch Turning Into Fool’s Gold?

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ROARReligion/national security/energy/feminism expert @SarahPalinUSA might be losing her magical touch when it comes to stumping for the nation’s Republican candidates, speculates the new peer-reviewed political science journal The Hill. Both Washington Senate candidate Clint Didier and Wyoming wannabe governor Rita Meyer just lost their primaries despite having Palin’s endorsement, joining a losers’ circle that includes Georgia not-gonna-be-guv Karen Handel, Kansas senatorial failure Todd Tiahrt, and a fancy lawyer lady in Tennessee named CeCe Heil who won’t be a Congresslady come November. What does this mean for Palin’s own campaign — which may or may not be real, like everything else about her?

Analyzeth The Hill:

If nothing else, it’s clear there are plenty of Republican candidates out there who would love an endorsement from Palin even if it comes in just a few sentences on the former governor’s Facebook page. But whether Palin is making the right friends for a potential 2012 run, if that’s even her goal, is very much up in the air.

For a lot of the loser-candidates, Palin didn’t give 100% — which they should have expected! She only did a last-minute measly robo-call job for Didier, after he begged her to jump on board his sinking salmon boat of a campaign. Handel lost by a “razor-thin margin,” The Hill‘s analyst points out, and again, Palin only swooped into that one last-minute, like a majestic tundra eagle with too many calendar appointments. As for Heil, Palin kept confusing the candidate — an entertainment attorney with ties to the music industry — to R&B singer CeCe Peniston, whose big hit “Finally” Palin never cared for very much. And Rita Meyer never had a chance with all her fancy school degrees, which Palin secretly thought were too progressive.

Despite this pile of losses, Palin’s mavericky father figure, John McCain, will likely beat J.D. “Infomercials” Hayworth in the Arizona primary, The Hill says. That will get her back into winner’s-circle territory, and probably back on the Internet to brag about how she and McCain are even closer BFFs than she and Ted Stevens ever were.

Speaking of mavericky-ness, an analyst at AOL News points out that Palin is “not following the presidential pack” in her own campaign strategy. While other potential GOP contenders — Newt Gingrich, Tim Pawlenty, Rick Santorum — have been visiting Iowa like crazy, munching down on Blue-Ribbon corn pies and hoping to steal the Number One slot from frontrunner Mike Huckabee, Palin’s stayed away from the Important Caucus State. What does it all mean? Either that she is an independent thinker and strategist, as some experts say, or that she has no idea what’s she’s doing and cares too much about being famous, as other experts say. We’ll know for certain in about two years — please be patient.

What would you do if Palin became president of America and you had to take her for serious? Would you move to a different country? Anything is possible, so it might be wise to start working on a Plan B. Of course, you can always decide to do the mature thing and just accept her for who she is. [The Hill/AOL News/Washington Post]

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About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    “What does it all mean?” It means that because Iowa starts with an ‘I’ and has the same # of letters, she probably confuses it with Iraq/Iran and refuses to go somewhere filled with muslin terrerists. (Or maybe she’s afraid Todd will enjoy corn holing a little too much.)

  • Ruhe

    Has anyone let Sarah know what the salary for President is? That might be enough to dissuade her from a run.

  • slappypaddy

    palin is not going to be running “for” anything. the only runnings she knows are “away” (from responsibility) and “after” (dollars).

  • Troubledog

    I think eight years of President Palin and the First Dude is exactly what this country needs.

    After the civil war that begins in Year One and ends with a fresh and exciting new Constitution, through the establishment of the long awaited (and non-denominational as long as you believe in Jesus) Church of America in Year Three, to the re-election landslide followed by invasion of North Korea and Iran in Year Five, these are definitely the ideas we need to get people back to work.

  • Gratuitous World

    yet her ability to shoot feral candidates from a helicopter remains impeccable

  • ArkansasFred

    I really hope I can silkscreen that illustration onto a t-shirt by August 28th.

  • anonymousryan

    In some sick twisted way I kind of want Palin to be president. It’ll be for America what Caligula’s rule was for Rome: the beginning of a spectacular decline.

  • user-of-owls

    The Hill is indisputably the top journal in the discipline but the reviewers are brutal and the turnaround time is ridiculous. Better to go for a second-tier journal like AOL News or @PoliSci.

  • WhatTheHeck

    I’m putting you on notice, Wonkette. If Sarah Palin falls from grace and out of the public’s memory, I will leave you like a jilted lover. Sarah Palin brings me laughter every day. Her ‘words’ bring me joy. Please, for my sake, keep her in the spotlight. Help her to run in 2012. That]s all I ask of you.

  • MarieDeGournay

    Accepting her for who she is and leaving the batshit insane country that elected her are not mutually exclusive.

  • JMP

    She’s probably staying away from Iowa because the gay marrieds destroy the opposite marriages of all heterosexuals who enter.

    Out of context, the headline “Palin endorses Heil” would be amusing, to say the least.

  • Prommie

    She’s representin’ all of America over there right now, you betcha!

  • user-of-owls

    What would you do if Palin became president of America and you had to take her for serious? Would you move to a different country?

    Chechnya becomes more inviting with every percentage point the Palin Hookworm Conjecture climbs.

  • Lilybart

    [re=640951]Ruhe[/re]: It’s only two or three of her screeches to the loggers or the bowling ally owners, good plan!!


    If she was intimidated by the media scrutiny in Juneau, Alaska, she has no business anywhere near the White House. She isn’t qualified to give Bo a tick bath.

  • Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin

    I probably would move to another country if she won, and I already live in Canada.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Haha Silly GOPers. Sarah Palin doesn’t work. Work is hard like math or science or running Alaska or anything where she actually hurts her brain, or as we semi intelligent types call it, think.

  • JadedDIssonance

    Sarah Palin would be my ideal President. Finally, we would have someone who uses words like I do and reads the same supermarket magazines that I love and who hates finishing things, just like me! We’ll finally be able to get that super-cheap cloned food and the poor oppressed organic farmers won’t have to worry about not-using pesticides anymore. Also, we’ll finally get to put China in its place! Damn commies. It’ll be awesome. A president who knows how to use The Land That God Gave Us For Oil ™. And all those greenies can cry into their wheatgrass.

  • Decker

    [re=640962]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Genau. I can accept her more comfortably from Berlin.

  • Radiotherapy

    She certainly had the golden touch back in November — the chlamydia-gold touch on that Doug Hoffman clown’s teeth. NY-23. Oh yeah, they always forget about that.

  • gurukalehuru

    In preparation for a Palin candidacy, I have followed the Wonkette’s suggestion of yesterday and linked my blog, http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com with http://www.mercedejohnston.com

    Forewarned is forearmed.

  • Bordo

    $arah is never going to seek an elected office again. She’s living life like a middle-aged rock star, flying first-class or on private planes, staying in the biggest suites and collecting six-figure checks for babbling incoherent ideas. The woman cannot even take the time to do a little research before opening her yap. While I thought she was a shallow, unintelligent idiot when she was running in 2008, I now see her as even dumber than originally thought.

  • Cape Clod

    We won’t have to wait a couple of years. She will have to declare sometime early in 2011 if she wants to get started. I don’t think she will because she likes all the money she’s making and doesn’t want to face the lame-stream media. Maybe then some of her brain-damaged followers will realize that they have been played for rubes by a grifting charlatan, but even that might be a stretch.

  • Autoo

    She only did a last-minute measly robo-call job for Didier, after he begged her to jump on board his sinking salmon boat of a campaign.

    The GOPer in question was from Eastern Washington (aka North Oklahoma), so it’d be more appropriate to refer say “Broke down farm wagon of a campaign.” Or in his case “Broke down government subsidized farm wagon of a campaign.”

  • SpenceRedux

    For reals, I am currently pursuing dating possibilities amongst the gay-marrying Europeans, just in case The Crazy does wash over us. I love you honey, but I really just married you for the visa.

  • RoscoeWild

    She can’t win ’em all. At least Republican candidates want Sensational Sarah’s endorsement. Democrats run & hide from Obama.

  • DoktorZoom

    In the event of a Palin presidency, I will join the insurgent forces in the Ground Zero Mosque. Sure, I may not actually be a Muslin, but I figure they’ll take me since I’ll work for half-pay: 36 virgins is plenty for me.

  • 102415

    Sarah is probably not quite sure what the President actually does either. Her followers will glad to hear that.

  • whiterabid

    President Palin could be very good to me because I seem to prosper from adversity, but I don’t think it will happen. I see her more as Mike Huckabee’s ambassador at large, spreading tea party gospel and starting her own network to compete with Oprah.

  • Judas Peckerwood

    “CeCe Heil” was Juan Peron’s catchphrase, no?

  • Enslave the Whales

    Why hasn’t Palin hit Iowa? No paying gig, no swag, no gristly mama. Workin’ for free == soshulism, dontcha know?

  • grendel

    Brazil here I come!

  • 102415

    “be” “be” “be” Sorry I was listening to someone talk while typing and texting my friend looking for a gas station. It won’t happen again my phone is out of juice.

  • Blogette

    If Palin becomes President, I am moving back to Australia. We may be under the boot of British ceremonial and symbolic rule but at least we’re not completely bonkers.

  • weejee

    What with Palin & the Teatards, it seems the ‘Murican anger quotient is running a bit high these last 18 months or so. A high AQ is some times a reflection of not getting laid often enough. With that factoid in mind, it follows that if the Teabaggers are successful in gargling ‘Murica’s balls in the fall the American collective AQ will go down because the good ol USA will enjoy a couple of years of getting screwed. A low AQ will mean Barry in 2012. Huzzah, Palin will be the author of her own defeat.

  • azw88

    may her Golden Touch extend to the AZ governor’s race and send Jan Brewer into retirement

  • rmjag

    [re=640949]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: cornhole ? i always had him pegged as a ‘mouth’ person – he likes it that ‘s.p.’ swallows …

  • GOPCrusher

    Considering the only people that truly pay any attention to Bible Spice are cable news companies and hard core political junkies, the chances of her making a serious run for President are Slim and None, and Slim just left the bar.

  • Cape Clod

    I think it was Larry Sabato that said if the GOP makes Palin their standard bearer, then the 2012 Republican platform will be the longest suicide note in history.

  • user-of-owls


    She keeps gettin’ richer but she can’t get her picture
    On the cover of the Rolling Stone

  • TeddyS

    President Palin announced yesterday that the federal budget has been balanced and that America is again at peace. The last nickel of federal spending for anything was the cost of the nuclear missiles that took out Iran, North Korea, China, Venezuela, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Mexico, Iraq, France, a gay couple in San Francisco and a grizzly bear near Wasilla. “God bless America,” the president said, then quit.

  • One Yield Regular

    [re=640963]JMP[/re]: Or “Heil/Palin 2012.”

  • chascates

    Doing a ‘shout-out’ on your Facebook page isn’t enough to swing an election it seems. And it’s a long wayz from Wasilla to Dumbfuckistan.

  • mardam422

    [re=640958]anonymousryan[/re]: Beginning???? My friend, this place is well on its way to the dust heap of history. It’s only a matter of how long.

  • MissyLissa

    What would you do if Palin became president of America and you had to take her for serious?

    Wait 6 months for her to quit and then be happy with President Basil Marceaux.com

  • pat robertsons personal trainer

    good thing that lipstick is tattooed on because like any stripper, as soon as the looks go, the customers stop paying.

  • pat robertsons personal trainer

    on serious note: either s.p.’s dozens of failz proves a lot has changed since 1980 or her ultimate win in 2012 will mean that even mean (but correct) internet postings about a moron have no effect on her viability as a candidate.

    bear with me: my pops & many other bleeding heart libs were praying to the pagan gods that ronnie reagan would get nominated in 1980. sure enough it worked and they were thrilled that so many idiots populated the republican party. idiots like a fox. the rest is history: people didn’t give two shits that he was a dipshit b-movie actor who held some pretty gnarly super-right beliefs…they elected him twice, we all have superAIDS and/or are writing & reading the internets from prison thanks to the stupendous success of the war on drugs, and everyone thinks he was better than fdr.

  • OCKerouac

    Heil Palin! 2012… Err… Heil/Palin 2012…

  • OCKerouac

    [re=641135]One Yield Regular[/re]: DARN!! I should learn to read before speaking. Wait.. Err… USA! USA!

  • Extemporanus

    Sarah Palin is King Midas in reverse cowboy.

  • June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=641000]RoscoeWild[/re]: Poopyhead.

  • BarackMyWorld

    See you fuckers in Canada.

  • Tourist

    Sarah’s “golden” touch cost the GOP a seat last year they’ve held in NYS since the Civil War when she endorsed Doug Hoffman over the GOP candidate. I’d say her golden touch is of the corrosive nature.