Penis envy!Most of us missed yesterday’s episode of “Fox News Sunday,” because Sunday is the Lord’s Day, the day when you crawl off the couch and dirtbike to church so you can show Jesus the new unregistered semiautomatic you purchased at Walmart. But anyway, back to this Fox News segment: Chris Wallace blurts out something about “the Arab Arizona immigration law,” which is confusing because “Arab” should never be used as a compliment. But that is neither here nor there. The real hot-as-Tim Pawlenty’s-hot-wife scoop is that Sarah Palin was too busy fantasizing about the size of Barack Obama’s genitals to notice that Chris Wallace called Arizona “Arab”. This video is Suitable for Work, but only because Sarah Palin stops herself at the last possible moment from orgasming all over the teevee.

We are shocked to learn that of all people, Jan Brewer is the one with the undocumented, Spanish testicles. Those things have papers, right? [Washington Post]

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  1. Fox news is like on big Sarah palin 2012 campaign commerical. Unfortunately, teh message of teh commerical is : look at me, I’m so stupid!

  2. What would it take to shut this screechy ignoramus up? Everyone has their price, could we offer her a uniform and a title, a fancy pony or shiny new shoes? Her own shortwave radio talk show? Truck nutz? Anyone…………?

  3. Sarah looks like she’s been buying her wigs from ads in the back of senior citizen magazines, right beside the ads for elastic waist pants and custom orthotics.

  4. Of course someone in the WH press corps will ask Gibbs about this, and I really hope he says something like, “The President was glad to hear Sarah Palin’s input on immigration policy. All he has to do now is get Snooki’s opinion, and Paris Hilton’s, and we’ll be good to go.”

  5. Palin joins much of the blogosphere in adopting the theory that legislation is passed not by a series of votes by elected representatives, but by testicles. I’m still not sure how this works exactly. Are the testicles ground up, to make the legislation? Or is the idea that whether legislation passes or not by ejaculation contests at the capitol rotunda? How are these contests judged? Distance?

  6. I’ll say the same thing I said when I saw her interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric:

    Good God…is this woman freakin’ medicated?

    She can’t even speak a simple declarative sentence without looping off into crazy left-over “talking points” from 2008. Hey, Sarah…you LOST…deal with it!

  7. [re=630532]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Thanks for fucking dragging me into this, Coltraine.

    I expect Sarah Palin to use the word “extemporanus” any day now, thereby sullying my good name.

  8. Get off his dick Sarah. His balls too. [re=630527]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: I think she’s letting us know how Barry can pay her: “Can I teabag ya? (wink)”

  9. I can’t believe no-one has made a comment about the Teabaggers – nothing says “Teabagger” like a mouthful of cojones.

  10. [re=630546]Extemporanus[/re]: Well, she’s heard of anuses, and she knows that smart people use a word that means “spoken off the cuff, without preparation,” so, well…the table is set wouldn’t you say?

  11. Wow, there is a woman just dying to get her hands on schvartzer schlong. Especially after haning around with all those dead dick republicans.

  12. I suppose this means Sarah WON’T be the honorary the Queen of Bonner County Idaho “Celebrate [not Fiesta]” Fair, as previously planned?

  13. [re=630554]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: My lifelong dream always has been to come out her mouth — if we keep our dicks crossed, that dream just might become reality.

  14. Is there another meaning of the phrase “all wet” that would still work in this context and not refer to a state of sexual lubricity?

    I’m serious. I may just be so gutter-minded that I don’t know the other meaning that works here.

  15. [re=630563]One Yield Regular[/re]: The “Fiesta” was in Boner County but GOP called it a “Celibate” instead, and now Sarah is thinking with her own little head?

  16. She coulda gone with hueveos, but no, she has to do her Lilly von Schtupp “is it twue … it’s twue, it’s twue” routine. She needs new writers, the slapstick just isn’t there.

  17. [re=630560]bluevelvetelvis[/re]: Maybe she thinks constantly throwing in sexual references will make sure all the wignuts will keep on fapping to her, and therefore buy her shitty books and attend her lectures.

  18. [re=630579]TrailerSpawned[/re]: Here you go :

    Completely wrong, mistaken, as in If you think you can beat the system and win at roulette, you’re all wet. The original allusion in this expression is unclear, that is, how moisture or dampness is related to wrongness. [Slang; first half of 1900s]

  19. [re=630581]just pixels[/re]: When I read about that “Fiesta” thing, I didn’t put it together that Bonner County is actually Snowbilly’s place of birth. Alleged place of birth, anyway.

  20. My favorite moment was when Chris asked her about Joe McGinniss and whether or not he was still living next door. Sounds like they practically hide in their house or in the back yard. The best part was when she said at the end, “Like Todd says, “Some people need to get a life.””. Really, Sarah? That was the first thing I thought. How much better the entire human condition would be if you and your clan would get a life of your own and quit interjecting yourself into ours on a daily basis.

  21. At the risk of sounding to “ethnic,” a resigning puta weighing in on executives’ cajones vis a vis immigration law sure takes a lot of chutzpah.

  22. Oh Sarah, bless your own goddamn heart. Also, we Southerners who know how to use this expression also know that it always contains equal parts sympathy and insult. For example, “poor Jan Brewer, bless her heart” is implicitly understood as “bless her heart for being such a stupid nitwit who looks for all the world like the batteries died on her Rub My Duckie after she let me borrow it one too many times.”

  23. [re=630569]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Anybody who points out that the Owners control the world is a frigging COMMUNIST! So George was a Communist? Good explanation of the failure of the US educational system, also.

  24. I find her willingness to sexually reassign popular television personalities like Jan Brewer and the President to be refreshing, edgy, and “out of the box.” I was surprised to see her last for one minute of camera time with nary a nose crinkle or hippy-hippy-shake. And furthermore, in her defense, even the most cynical among us must admit that without cojones, there can really be no tea-bagging.




    Does it to you?

  25. In order to prove that he has cojones, Obama should land on an aircraft carrier with a codpiece on. Then he won’t have to do anything about the immigration process either.

  26. [re=630527]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: She’s gifted. Just when you think she’s reaching the conclusion of a thought or phrase….POW!…you get an also, but, and, or too. If you read a transcript of her speech, you realize that dropping a period literally anywhere wouldn’t make it worse than before.

  27. [re=630558]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I derive no small measure of pleasure from the knowledge that someone in the White House gets paid tax dollars to read this joint all day.

  28. [re=630618]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: it really is true that “bless his/her heart” reall means, in effect, “what an asshole”. it’s what you say when the waiter forgets your salad, or when you find out the neighbor’s kid gets pregnant, or when you find out that your governor resigns in the middle of her term.

  29. Sarah, “I can whoop that .44 magnun out of my hairy box, wipe ‘er, lube ‘er and be shootin’ your nuts off in 12 seconds flat and still have time to say, Make my day, fag hat”!

  30. [re=630530]Failed 2 Menace[/re]: I’ve had a few Southern relatives (mostly dead or moved now). When they (almost always women) said “Bless your heart”, or “Bless his/her heart”, it was always code for “This person is visibly out of his or her mind, and probably incoherent, but I’m a well-raised Christian lady so I’ll just say this”.

    I doubt that Palin realizes that.

  31. dip mah on bahls in mah i sokets turnd meh frum saul to paul. haleeluyah i c teh lite. merika wates ur martcheeng orderz awn facbooks mahma gristley.

  32. I was right on the verge of joining the teabag movement until I found out the initiation involved Brewer lowering her bulging yet flaccid beef flaps cojone-style into my baby bird-like open maw.

    Sort of like joining the Masons, in other words, except the bit about the inflamed ancient piss-stained minge. So to speak.

    *This is not an endorsement*

  33. Well Bless her soul, what’s wrong with her
    She’s itchin’ like a messican’s moustachio got on her
    Her friends say she’s gotta be even more wingnut
    She’s in hate, she’s all mex’d up

  34. Please don’t ask her what’s on her mind
    She’s a little mixed up, but she’s prayin’ fine
    When she’s near a brown, the one’s that she hates most
    She asks for their papers & says “Man you’re toast”

  35. [re=630749][/re]: I’m lucky in that my mom hates Dumbelina’s stinking guts, too. It gives us something we can bond over.

  36. I thought we had decided, a while back, that not having a male sexual organ did not affect your ability to perform most jobs, including President, Senator, Governor, street sweeper, teletype operator, etc.
    Now it appears that both men and women need these “cujones”, and it’s not even a word in the English.

  37. I’m not from the South; I’ve never even been to the South. Even I know that “bless her heart” either means “crazy bitch {eye roll}” or “poor feeble minded cow {eye roll}”.

  38. Sarah’s just phoning it in at this point. She must have been staying up late writing her second book. Or not.

    If Palin cares about Arizona half as much as she cares about Alaska, she should advise Brewer to quit mid-term. This is her way of demonstrating absolute commitment to a cause.

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