SHE USED THE SPANISH WORD 'BURRITO'  3:37 pm August 2, 2010

Sarah Palin Won’t Stop Talking About Obama’s Genitals

by Riley Waggaman

Penis envy!Most of us missed yesterday’s episode of “Fox News Sunday,” because Sunday is the Lord’s Day, the day when you crawl off the couch and dirtbike to church so you can show Jesus the new unregistered semiautomatic you purchased at Walmart. But anyway, back to this Fox News segment: Chris Wallace blurts out something about “the Arab Arizona immigration law,” which is confusing because “Arab” should never be used as a compliment. But that is neither here nor there. The real hot-as-Tim Pawlenty’s-hot-wife scoop is that Sarah Palin was too busy fantasizing about the size of Barack Obama’s genitals to notice that Chris Wallace called Arizona “Arab”. This video is Suitable for Work, but only because Sarah Palin stops herself at the last possible moment from orgasming all over the teevee.

We are shocked to learn that of all people, Jan Brewer is the one with the undocumented, Spanish testicles. Those things have papers, right? [Washington Post]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 84 comments }

Extemporanus August 2, 2010 at 3:41 pm

¡Viva los CamiónNuecez!

Nappied Hypotenuse August 2, 2010 at 3:44 pm

If you listen closely, you can hear Joe McGinniss fappin’ away in the background…

Serolf Divad August 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Fox news is like on big Sarah palin 2012 campaign commerical. Unfortunately, teh message of teh commerical is : look at me, I’m so stupid!

eastcoastliberal August 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Jesus fucking christ. Cannot believe I watched that….

themcw August 2, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Looks down at her crib notes at 1:05.

RoscoePColtraine August 2, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Can I get a period, Alex? Jesus H. Christ, Sarah, I think I see a good place to break the sentence in two right…..here.

Cicada August 2, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Hark, hear the call of the Wild Alaskan Dingbat:

Caw-hoe-nees
Caw-hoe-nees

actor212 August 2, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Does Sarah worry about them being rammed down her throat?

bloatedwhitetruck August 2, 2010 at 3:49 pm

What would it take to shut this screechy ignoramus up? Everyone has their price, could we offer her a uniform and a title, a fancy pony or shiny new shoes? Her own shortwave radio talk show? Truck nutz? Anyone…………?

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 2, 2010 at 3:49 pm

You can’t blame Sarah from being obsessed with genitalia given what they did to her daughter.

Failed 2 Menace August 2, 2010 at 3:50 pm

So little analysis, so much advocacy.

She really bolsters her scholarly case for Brewer by saying, “Bless her heart.”

Baldar T Flagass August 2, 2010 at 3:50 pm

“Ve cut off your Johnston!”

RoscoePColtraine August 2, 2010 at 3:50 pm

And Sarah reads teh Wonkette, I suspect. I used that exact word recently, and now Sarah. Too strange to be a mere coincidence.

germansteel August 2, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Sarah done learned a new word.

Terry August 2, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Sarah looks like she’s been buying her wigs from ads in the back of senior citizen magazines, right beside the ads for elastic waist pants and custom orthotics.

Scaggsville guy August 2, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Of course someone in the WH press corps will ask Gibbs about this, and I really hope he says something like, “The President was glad to hear Sarah Palin’s input on immigration policy. All he has to do now is get Snooki’s opinion, and Paris Hilton’s, and we’ll be good to go.”

mcc August 2, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Palin joins much of the blogosphere in adopting the theory that legislation is passed not by a series of votes by elected representatives, but by testicles. I’m still not sure how this works exactly. Are the testicles ground up, to make the legislation? Or is the idea that whether legislation passes or not by ejaculation contests at the capitol rotunda? How are these contests judged? Distance?

SeattleJoe August 2, 2010 at 3:54 pm

I didn’t listen. You people are fools.

jus_wonderin August 2, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Does her mouth ever shut??

SayItWithWookies August 2, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Jan Brewer with cojones is the image Sarah Palin goes to bed with every night.

hiphophitler August 2, 2010 at 3:56 pm

The whooshing sound you hear in the background is Bristol leaving for Arizona in search of a baby-daddy with bigger cojones.

madirishman August 2, 2010 at 3:58 pm

I’ll say the same thing I said when I saw her interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric:

Good God…is this woman freakin’ medicated?

She can’t even speak a simple declarative sentence without looping off into crazy left-over “talking points” from 2008. Hey, Sarah…you LOST…deal with it!

Extemporanus August 2, 2010 at 3:59 pm

[re=630532]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Thanks for fucking dragging me into this, Coltraine.

I expect Sarah Palin to use the word “extemporanus” any day now, thereby sullying my good name.

you didn't ask, but August 2, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Get off his dick Sarah. His balls too. [re=630527]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: I think she’s letting us know how Barry can pay her: “Can I teabag ya? (wink)”

stew August 2, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Todd (that’s the dad, right…I mean he has a normal name so he can’t be one of the kids) has to be the most imasculated man alive.

ella August 2, 2010 at 4:00 pm

That woman’s voice could do the job done at a bris.

JMP August 2, 2010 at 4:02 pm

SPEAK ENGLISH ONLY< SARAH DONT BE SPEAKIN TAT FORRIN MEXXICAN!!1!

13ollocks To The Rules August 2, 2010 at 4:02 pm

I can’t believe no-one has made a comment about the Teabaggers – nothing says “Teabagger” like a mouthful of cojones.

RoscoePColtraine August 2, 2010 at 4:05 pm

[re=630546]Extemporanus[/re]: Well, she’s heard of anuses, and she knows that smart people use a word that means “spoken off the cuff, without preparation,” so, well…the table is set wouldn’t you say?

AnnieGetYourFun August 2, 2010 at 4:07 pm

[re=630520]themcw[/re]: Wow, she has gotten a bit better at that.

JoeMac August 2, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Wow, there is a woman just dying to get her hands on schvartzer schlong. Especially after haning around with all those dead dick republicans.

Oblios Cap August 2, 2010 at 4:08 pm

If Sarah wasn’t homeschooled, she is a walking indictment of our educational system.

We are truly a nation of morons.

Lascauxcaveman August 2, 2010 at 4:09 pm

[re=630536]Scaggsville guy[/re]: OK, that was funny. And I could see Gibbs pulling that off. I hope he reads teh Wonkette.

bluevelvetelvis August 2, 2010 at 4:10 pm

My favorite is that she say’s the Democrats are “all wet” to allow the Bush Tax Cuts to Lapse.
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/44/2010/08/palin-obama-lacks-the-cojones.html

Palin/Beef Supreme 2012

One Yield Regular August 2, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I suppose this means Sarah WON’T be the honorary the Queen of Bonner County Idaho “Celebrate [not Fiesta]” Fair, as previously planned?

Extemporanus August 2, 2010 at 4:14 pm

[re=630543]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sarah Palin has a picture of Tom Petty above her bed?

“Don’t do me like that”, indeed.

forgracie August 2, 2010 at 4:15 pm

What about the frost backs sneakin’ into Alaska fer that free oil money?

RoscoePColtraine August 2, 2010 at 4:15 pm

[re=630557]Oblios Cap[/re]: George Carlin explains why. Three minutes of his best material here. NSFW due to Carlin being Carlin.

sati demise August 2, 2010 at 4:16 pm

[re=630557]Oblios Cap[/re]: And just think about this: her father was a science teacher in the Wasilla public school system.

Extemporanus August 2, 2010 at 4:19 pm

[re=630554]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: My lifelong dream always has been to come out her mouth — if we keep our dicks crossed, that dream just might become reality.

TrailerSpawned August 2, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Is there another meaning of the phrase “all wet” that would still work in this context and not refer to a state of sexual lubricity?

I’m serious. I may just be so gutter-minded that I don’t know the other meaning that works here.

just pixels August 2, 2010 at 4:23 pm

[re=630563]One Yield Regular[/re]: The “Fiesta” was in Boner County but GOP called it a “Celibate” instead, and now Sarah is thinking with her own little head?

steverino247 August 2, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Is fifteen her limit on schnitzengruben?

weejee August 2, 2010 at 4:24 pm

She coulda gone with hueveos, but no, she has to do her Lilly von Schtupp “is it twue … it’s twue, it’s twue” routine. She needs new writers, the slapstick just isn’t there.

JMP August 2, 2010 at 4:27 pm

[re=630560]bluevelvetelvis[/re]: Maybe she thinks constantly throwing in sexual references will make sure all the wignuts will keep on fapping to her, and therefore buy her shitty books and attend her lectures.

Limeylizzie August 2, 2010 at 4:29 pm

[re=630579]TrailerSpawned[/re]: Here you go :

Completely wrong, mistaken, as in If you think you can beat the system and win at roulette, you’re all wet. The original allusion in this expression is unclear, that is, how moisture or dampness is related to wrongness. [Slang; first half of 1900s]

JohnnyMeatworth August 2, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=630531]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Ya, your viggly penis, Lebowski!

One Yield Regular August 2, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=630581]just pixels[/re]: When I read about that “Fiesta” thing, I didn’t put it together that Bonner County is actually Snowbilly’s place of birth. Alleged place of birth, anyway.

GOPCrusher August 2, 2010 at 4:33 pm

My favorite moment was when Chris asked her about Joe McGinniss and whether or not he was still living next door. Sounds like they practically hide in their house or in the back yard. The best part was when she said at the end, “Like Todd says, “Some people need to get a life.”". Really, Sarah? That was the first thing I thought. How much better the entire human condition would be if you and your clan would get a life of your own and quit interjecting yourself into ours on a daily basis.

Rajul August 2, 2010 at 4:44 pm

At the risk of sounding to “ethnic,” a resigning puta weighing in on executives’ cajones vis a vis immigration law sure takes a lot of chutzpah.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 2, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Oh Sarah, bless your own goddamn heart. Also, we Southerners who know how to use this expression also know that it always contains equal parts sympathy and insult. For example, “poor Jan Brewer, bless her heart” is implicitly understood as “bless her heart for being such a stupid nitwit who looks for all the world like the batteries died on her Rub My Duckie after she let me borrow it one too many times.”

Bearbloke August 2, 2010 at 4:52 pm

[re=630527]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: Babble Spazz keeps wagging her jaw to loosen it up, so someday she can fit Jan Brewer’s bollocks in her mouth…

[re=630529]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: So you’ve seen Bristol’s 16 B-day party pix, then?

rocktonsammy August 2, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Chris Wallace’s dad, Daniel Schorr, must spinning in his grave that his son has turned out to be shill and an asshole.

Dashboard_Buddha August 2, 2010 at 4:57 pm

[re=630557]Oblios Cap[/re]: The Idiotcracy has begun.

Dashboard_Buddha August 2, 2010 at 4:58 pm

[re=630560]bluevelvetelvis[/re]: “Palin/Beef Supreme 2012″ I need that for a bumpersticker.

Dashboard_Buddha August 2, 2010 at 5:00 pm

If only she had the vaginal fortitude to stfu.

Ducksworthy August 2, 2010 at 5:01 pm

[re=630569]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Anybody who points out that the Owners control the world is a frigging COMMUNIST! So George was a Communist? Good explanation of the failure of the US educational system, also.

Mr Blifil August 2, 2010 at 5:02 pm

I find her willingness to sexually reassign popular television personalities like Jan Brewer and the President to be refreshing, edgy, and “out of the box.” I was surprised to see her last for one minute of camera time with nary a nose crinkle or hippy-hippy-shake. And furthermore, in her defense, even the most cynical among us must admit that without cojones, there can really be no tea-bagging.

––

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––

Does it to you?

Native of SL UT August 2, 2010 at 5:04 pm

In order to prove that he has cojones, Obama should land on an aircraft carrier with a codpiece on. Then he won’t have to do anything about the immigration process either.

RoscoePColtraine August 2, 2010 at 5:04 pm

[re=630527]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: She’s gifted. Just when you think she’s reaching the conclusion of a thought or phrase….POW!…you get an also, but, and, or too. If you read a transcript of her speech, you realize that dropping a period literally anywhere wouldn’t make it worse than before.

Jim89048 August 2, 2010 at 5:28 pm

[re=630558]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I derive no small measure of pleasure from the knowledge that someone in the White House gets paid tax dollars to read this joint all day.

groove August 2, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Jan Brewer has balls. Straight from the mouth of Sarah Palin herself.

Pourly Ritten August 2, 2010 at 5:55 pm

OMG, that was all one sentance, and in two languages, too. Too bad she didn’t say anything!

sleepy August 2, 2010 at 6:02 pm

[re=630618]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: it really is true that “bless his/her heart” reall means, in effect, “what an asshole”. it’s what you say when the waiter forgets your salad, or when you find out the neighbor’s kid gets pregnant, or when you find out that your governor resigns in the middle of her term.

Rentboy.gov August 2, 2010 at 6:31 pm

I hate this brainless cretin with a passion that my mom would call “unnatural.”

Marlowe August 2, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Does this make her Mayella Ewell?

And by asking, does that make me a half racist?

Radiotherapy August 2, 2010 at 7:14 pm

is there a Mexican Shakespeare?

Way Cool Larry August 2, 2010 at 7:26 pm

It’s awesome how the Youtube screen cap has her looking orgasmic.

osage August 2, 2010 at 7:36 pm

[re=630625]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I think that’s a great idea.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/52633866@N02/4855263286/

RPolanski August 2, 2010 at 8:04 pm

I’LL SHOW YOU MY BALLS IF YOU’LL SHOW ME YOUR TITS.

Can O Whoopass August 2, 2010 at 8:48 pm

Sarah, “I can whoop that .44 magnun out of my hairy box, wipe ‘er, lube ‘er and be shootin’ your nuts off in 12 seconds flat and still have time to say, Make my day, fag hat”!

Enslave the Whales August 2, 2010 at 8:53 pm

[re=630530]Failed 2 Menace[/re]: I’ve had a few Southern relatives (mostly dead or moved now). When they (almost always women) said “Bless your heart”, or “Bless his/her heart”, it was always code for “This person is visibly out of his or her mind, and probably incoherent, but I’m a well-raised Christian lady so I’ll just say this”.

I doubt that Palin realizes that.

OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin August 2, 2010 at 9:14 pm

Lol 44 other states are doing the same….what in the sam hill is she talking about, *now*?

tribbzthesquidz August 2, 2010 at 9:25 pm

dip mah on bahls in mah i sokets turnd meh frum saul to paul. haleeluyah i c teh lite. merika wates ur martcheeng orderz awn facbooks mahma gristley.

Weeping Jesus August 2, 2010 at 9:35 pm

I was right on the verge of joining the teabag movement until I found out the initiation involved Brewer lowering her bulging yet flaccid beef flaps cojone-style into my baby bird-like open maw.

Sort of like joining the Masons, in other words, except the bit about the inflamed ancient piss-stained minge. So to speak.

*This is not an endorsement*

E-lite-Marxist August 2, 2010 at 9:50 pm

Well Bless her soul, what’s wrong with her
She’s itchin’ like a messican’s moustachio got on her
Her friends say she’s gotta be even more wingnut
She’s in hate, she’s all mex’d up

E-lite-Marxist August 2, 2010 at 9:53 pm

Please don’t ask her what’s on her mind
She’s a little mixed up, but she’s prayin’ fine
When she’s near a brown, the one’s that she hates most
She asks for their papers & says “Man you’re toast”

Surfeit O'Hubris August 2, 2010 at 10:06 pm

[re=630749]Rentboy.gov[/re]: I’m lucky in that my mom hates Dumbelina’s stinking guts, too. It gives us something we can bond over.

oneoclockjump August 2, 2010 at 10:33 pm

I thought we had decided, a while back, that not having a male sexual organ did not affect your ability to perform most jobs, including President, Senator, Governor, street sweeper, teletype operator, etc.
Now it appears that both men and women need these “cujones”, and it’s not even a word in the English.

Long Form Def Certificate August 2, 2010 at 11:12 pm

& with this clip, the upcoming Molotov album has its single: Half-baked Alaska (Dame la chicha negra).

MLM August 3, 2010 at 2:07 am

I’m not from the South; I’ve never even been to the South. Even I know that “bless her heart” either means “crazy bitch {eye roll}” or “poor feeble minded cow {eye roll}”.

Toomush Infermashun August 3, 2010 at 7:57 am

[re=630946]MLM[/re]: I believe she meant to say: “Bless Jan’s silly cojones…” but I could be all wet…

bluevelvetelvis August 3, 2010 at 12:11 pm

[re=630819]osage[/re]: Oh man, that’s great. Thanks

sezme August 3, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Sarah’s just phoning it in at this point. She must have been staying up late writing her second book. Or not.

If Palin cares about Arizona half as much as she cares about Alaska, she should advise Brewer to quit mid-term. This is her way of demonstrating absolute commitment to a cause.

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