Michael Fenter wasn’t down with President Barack Obamar’s socialistic jillion-dollar bailouts of the nation’s banks AT ALL. So one day the Seattle area boat builder, farmer-man and hardcore Real American grabbed his gun, got into his Libertymobile and started robbing banks in Washington state and California — to take the bailout money back. For a while there, he was really on a roll! But then America decided to punish him for expressing his love of country in this most eclectic manner.
Fenter pled guilty to robbing four banks plus possessing a firearm during a crime of violence, and will now do 10 years in a federal prison, reports the Seattle Times news-brochure. Nobody saw it coming! Nothing is a sure thing anymore, in America (it could be your husband next so GET DIVORCED while there’s still time):
Fenter had no criminal record, no drug problem and no clear motive. In letters to the court, friends and family called him “honest,” “gracious,” “wholesome” and “gentle.” They knew nothing of his secret life.
Would Fenter have developed this secret life had America elected fellow “true patriot” John McCain?
Upon his arrest, [Fenter] said his name was “Patrick Henry,” a Revolutionary War-era governor famous for his “Give me liberty or give me death!” speech.
[...]
Fenter said robbing banks wasn’t to get money for himself or his family. Instead, he did it because he was a “true patriot.” The money, he said, went to fund that cause.
The sad irony is that in rebelling against the terrible government, Fenter became like the government — taking people’s money and then becoming either unwilling or incapable of telling anyone else where the money had gone. But it’s being used in a “peaceful” way, that much he knows.
Poor fake-Patrick Henry’s wife says she had no idea that her husband had become a bank robber until it was too late, and is now trying to get her life back to normal. She had a rough winter and had to go on food stamps. It is very sad.
But not totally in vain! Michael Fenter’s story is a Teachable Moment for us all. Here are our two important takeaways:
- If you are mad about government bailouts, do not rob banks! Express yourself in other ways, like performing stand-up comedy or through the textile arts.
- Do not marry a “true patriot,” because they will probably let you down somehow, and then you’ll be left taking care of all the damn sheep, baaaa.
[Seattle Post-Intelligencer/Seattle Times]
{ 54 comments }
Michael Fenter’s story is a Teachable Moment for us all. Here are our two important takeaways:
Wow… Larui’s gone all Jerry Springer on us, hasn’t she?
Defenestration.
Wolverines!!!
What…to soon?
[re=628919]Serolf Divad[/re]: Can we trust a woman named after a fruit?
How DO the wingnuts ruin all the words?
“Liberal” = Radical left wing Marxist, and possible black or brown person.
“Tea Party” = Group of unhinged, bitter, old, shouty far right white people.
“Patriot” = Far right domestic terrorist, not fond of things being rammed down throats, armed, dangerous, and a white male.
Just the latest variant on the old “patriotism, the last refuge of the scoundrel” saw. Sad, but still helpful to Sarah Palin’s Presidential juggernaut.
Lucky he didn’t have marijuana residue on the gun, or he’d be looking at some serious time.
Care to take bets on whether the likes of Rush and Glenn will be apologizing for their overheated violent rhetoric on this one?
Don’t lots of terrorist groups raise money by robbing banks? The Algerian bad guys in The Day of the Jackal went on a bank robbing spree to get the money for their assassination attempt, and so did Timothy McVeigh’s friends, didn’t they? Not that there’s the least bit of a connection between McVeigh, the Patriot movement and the current teabaggers — that would be a racist allegation.
It would have been easier to just Refudiate the banks.
Alt-alt-text: Give me liberty or give me death, or I’ll blow the heads off every one of you motherfuckers!
[re=628935]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And don’t forget Patrick Swayze and his band of surfers in “Point Break.”
Maybe it’s time to rethink my “kicking hobos for freedom” agenda.
You know, the place where Patrick Henry was hanged is now a Banana Republic in Manhattan?
Seriously. “Give me liberty, or give me pants.”
Him or Nathan Hale… one of those guys.
Oh, the delicious irony of his wife needing food stamps.
Michael Fenton’s body lies a-mouldering in the grave . . .
In an ironic twist, he was caught during his getaway because he got stopped in traffic because a road he wanted to take from the bank was closed due to repairs being made with the money the Federal Govrnment was spreading around to combat the recession.
When I got caught fucking my cousin, I said I was William Whipple. It didn’t work.
Little known fact that Patrick Henry was a stick-up man and got a tear-drop tattoo when they hanged Nathan Hale.
Execellent post, Lauri! It is good to have the ette back in the wonk. So, can the banks get their money back from the RNC?
That MILF-y wife should cut him loose ASAP.
This guy is a known deadbeat with a sense of entitlement and never did a lick of work on the farm. Everything that they had was thanks to his wife’s family and her efforts. So of course he will be a martyr to the teabagger cause.
BTW, he spent the missing money on hookers.
I’m begining to see a trend here and it’s not looking good for America.
So now we taxpayers have to give this guy room and board for the next ten years. I’ll bet he drinks tea — tea, for gods’ sake — every day. I HATE this socialist criminal justice system. Let the banks decide how to punish him. How about imprisoning him in a high interest rate mortgage? Overdraft charges — those hurt. Make him read their privacy policies! (What? too cruel?)
Patrick Henry was a thief, though!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yazoo_land_scandal
When will these patriots learn one of the basic laws of capitalism.
Banks are allowed to rob their customers. Not the other way around. Moran.
Also, Sarah Palin also owns guns. She also hoodwinks fellow patriots out of their hard earned cash. How come she’s not in jail?
[re=628951]Gratuitous World[/re]: That comment wins the morning IMO.
Lascauxcaveman runs a hotel over on the Olympic Peninsula, maybe he could give an on-the-scene report. But it is the busy season over there which may explain why or favorite caveman has not been posting so much lately.
Unless, gasp, Lascaux you’re not Patrick Henry are you??????
Was he robbing old ladies to take back their Social Security and Medicare?
If I’m mad about government bailouts, don’t rob banks?!
NO, WONKETTE, YOUR A MADWOMAN!
I’ve been fighting the good fight against the government’s War on Drugs. I’ve been buying up all of the drugs that I can afford and cleverly concealing them from the grasping talons of the DEA by ingesting them, usually along with liquor(just in case Prohibition makes a comeback).
I don’t know how that’s working, but I’m feeling pretty good about my effort.
[re=628975]weejee[/re]: Unless, gasp, Lascaux you’re not Patrick Henry are you?????
No, but I already knew about this asshole, since Port Townsend is just FOUR BLOCKS AWAY from my place, so of course this story is very big news around here. We were talking about this asshole at a family party the other night and I said to my brother, “Can you believe this asshole? He’s justifying robbing banks as an act of patriotism?”
I’m pretty sure that the first time I used the word “asshole” within earshot of my kids, but I wanted them to know that normal people think guys like this are just plain assholes. Like that young “Barefoot Bandit” asshole the local media has been creaming their jeans over for the last year. Just another thieving local asshole.
[re=628960]just pixels[/re]: Nah. Seattle. $4.99 Starbucks frappes. They probably serve them three times a day at Walla Walla.
[re=628975]weejee[/re]: Sssssshh!! You’ll get your cut Mate, now shut yer gob about it!
[re=628948]Prommie[/re]: This ‘Michael Fenton’ drongo (Lascauxcaveman’s fall-guy) has got himself a reel purty mouf, and high cheek-bones and lurvely girly features… so a 10-year stint at Bluestone College an’ she’ll be apples!
[re=628957]OzoneTom[/re]: MILF-y? honey, you need a date or something. I’m sure she’s a lovely person, but … Knock off a bank and go find yourself a red hot grizzly mama.
Take out your frustrations the old-fashioned way: shooting the television or writing threatening letters to celebrities.
[re=628932]harry palmer[/re]: Ten years for four bank robberies? I thought bank robbery was worse than murder. What is happening to American values?
[re=629059]chascates[/re]: Not so much fun for many with the flat screens. Being oldes, we only haz those CRT thingies which when shot give you much more kaboom reaction (actually ‘inboom’ since it is a vacuum tube). When you shoot those silly flats, that BTW already are, the only reaction you get a hole in the teevee and the wall. What fun is that?
[re=629076]weejee[/re]: Shit! I haven’t had a teevee in a while & don’t get out much. Nothing was more fun than popping a CRT!
[re=629064]Aurelio[/re]: Yeah. What’s with that? He’ll be out in 18 months.
Hmm. Now I have a question. How many tons of anthrax spores and surplus nerve gas did his bank robbings buy to, in a peaceful way, for that cause?
[re=629028]pattycake[/re]: Re: bank robber’s wifey
Yeah, I was gonna say something, too. Maybe its the surfeit of skinny hippie farmer chicks in this area, but I just don’t really go for them. They usually smell kinda funny, too. Kinda overrides the pleasanter earthy odors of the farmers market and puts one out of a buying mood.
Give me liberty or hand over the cash!
The big question is whether Sarah will be forced to give the money back.
“… pry that cash outta my cold dead hand.”
Dear God, to think our Founders would agree with this we would have to be Australia.
[re=629142]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: And the camo dress really doesn’t do anything for her. On a related topic, the guy’s getaway car was a Beemer?
[re=629007]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
Well in all honesty, I was creaming my jeans over the Barefoot Bandit because he’s hot.
I still contend that after the November election, when things don’t go as the Teabaggers want, several of them will go on some kind of killing spree since it’s obvious that America needs to be taught a lesson. It’s too bad that they feel the need to take others with them when they decide the time for the Rapture has come.
He only got 10 years? He must be white.
[re=628935]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s how Stalin got his start – he was in charge of organising bank robberies to fund the Bolshevik Party. Trufax.
[re=629142]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Here all the crooks wives are double-plus sized, so that one? I’d hit that.
As I sit here wiping away my tears, I can only say (in a fine piece of sarcasm), God Bless You, Michael. You did what no one else would do.
Really. NO ONE ELSE.
No one else would be that stupid.
[re=629493]An Outhouse[/re]: I hear 10 years is the max for angry white teabaggers. If he’d robbed five banks, they probably would have knocked it down to eight years. 10 or more, your 11th bank robbery is FREE!
“Farmer and boatbuilder” driving a BMW? I smell a Trustafarian!
Comments on this entry are closed.