Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Outsider Teabag ArtIn response to Glenn Beck’s recent announcement that he’s either going to go blind next year or not, a concerned fan has created a Facebook page called “1,000,000 Prayers for Glenn Beck.” Just to be on the safe side and cover all the bases, you know? Beck’s supporters are leaving all kinds of prayers and messages on the page’s official “wall.” Let’s have a look!

Hmm, so people are pretty much posting whatever comes to mind. And most notes are not actually “prayers.” Which makes the page name kind of misleading! One fan thanks Beck for helping him to teach Hungarians about the Ukranian Holodomor, a terrible and depressing famine that happened many decades ago, so that the Hungarians will learn … how to cry like Glenn Beck? It’s a useful skill. “God’s word is spreading through your leadership and awesome research group … throughout the world, one person at a time,” the fan writes.

Other not-really-prayers:

“May God heal your eyes and prevent any blindness. After all, you are OUR eyes and you certainly are helping us see.”

“YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS TO JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD AND SAVIOR OF THESE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA SIR YOU ARE SECOND ONLY TO THE GREAT INFORMATION SOCIETY OF WHAT I LISTEN TO DAILY.”

“You are a Captain Moroni and though you have your enemies, you also have many more who are on your side.”

“Glenn ya got my prayers and as Kojac would say ’who loves ya Baby’?”

Wouldn’t it make more sense to post actual prayers to God‘s Facebook page? Only God can actually fix the Beckian peepers. Or is God supposed to find out about this page somehow, check it out, and glean from all of the comments that Beck is so beloved, that he might be worth the time and effort to heal? But what if God’s too busy to go on other people’s Facebook pages and read all of these notes, or what if He only has a MySpace or Friendster, because God is old and probably behind the times on some things?

A more direct way to communicate with God is to say a prayer, in your mind. God is in your mind and hears your thoughts. That much we know. But if this doesn’t seem like “doing enough,” here’s what you do: Make a sign like ours, stating a prayer to God about Glenn Beck’s vision. Take the sign outside and put it in the yard or on the ground somewhere. Use some rocks or spent ammo to weigh it down. Leave the sign in place for at least 24 hours or until it blows away/gets rained on/is stolen by a liberal. God will see the sign from the heavens when she does her morning scan of the Earth, and “make a note of the issue.”

We used this “leave a sign in the yard” technique to win the lottery once. It works. [1,000,000 Prayers for Glenn Beck Facebook page]

Add to Flipboard Magazine.
Previous articleRep. Michele Bachmann and Her Demon Teeth Have Opinions About 'Mexican Wage'
Next article