PRAYER DELIVERY SERVICES  11:36 am July 28, 2010

‘1,000,000 Prayers for Glenn Beck’ Facebook Page Maybe Not So Effective

by Lauri Apple

Outsider Teabag ArtIn response to Glenn Beck’s recent announcement that he’s either going to go blind next year or not, a concerned fan has created a Facebook page called “1,000,000 Prayers for Glenn Beck.” Just to be on the safe side and cover all the bases, you know? Beck’s supporters are leaving all kinds of prayers and messages on the page’s official “wall.” Let’s have a look!

Hmm, so people are pretty much posting whatever comes to mind. And most notes are not actually “prayers.” Which makes the page name kind of misleading! One fan thanks Beck for helping him to teach Hungarians about the Ukranian Holodomor, a terrible and depressing famine that happened many decades ago, so that the Hungarians will learn … how to cry like Glenn Beck? It’s a useful skill. “God’s word is spreading through your leadership and awesome research group … throughout the world, one person at a time,” the fan writes.

Other not-really-prayers:

“May God heal your eyes and prevent any blindness. After all, you are OUR eyes and you certainly are helping us see.”

“YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS TO JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD AND SAVIOR OF THESE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA SIR YOU ARE SECOND ONLY TO THE GREAT INFORMATION SOCIETY OF WHAT I LISTEN TO DAILY.”

“You are a Captain Moroni and though you have your enemies, you also have many more who are on your side.”

“Glenn ya got my prayers and as Kojac would say ’who loves ya Baby’?”

Wouldn’t it make more sense to post actual prayers to God‘s Facebook page? Only God can actually fix the Beckian peepers. Or is God supposed to find out about this page somehow, check it out, and glean from all of the comments that Beck is so beloved, that he might be worth the time and effort to heal? But what if God’s too busy to go on other people’s Facebook pages and read all of these notes, or what if He only has a MySpace or Friendster, because God is old and probably behind the times on some things?

A more direct way to communicate with God is to say a prayer, in your mind. God is in your mind and hears your thoughts. That much we know. But if this doesn’t seem like “doing enough,” here’s what you do: Make a sign like ours, stating a prayer to God about Glenn Beck’s vision. Take the sign outside and put it in the yard or on the ground somewhere. Use some rocks or spent ammo to weigh it down. Leave the sign in place for at least 24 hours or until it blows away/gets rained on/is stolen by a liberal. God will see the sign from the heavens when she does her morning scan of the Earth, and “make a note of the issue.”

We used this “leave a sign in the yard” technique to win the lottery once. It works. [1,000,000 Prayers for Glenn Beck Facebook page]

 
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{ 123 comments }

Redhead July 28, 2010 at 11:42 am

Dear God. Please make Glenn Bex’s eyes better by striking them with lightning. Amen.

JMP July 28, 2010 at 11:43 am

And when Beck’s eyesight gets a bit blurrier but nowhere near actual blindness, it will be a sign that the prayers worked, and not that he exaggerated his condition which does not actually cause blindness.

The Captain Moroni thing looked like a joke, it sounds a character from a spoof comic, a Mormon Captain America, but wow, it’s real, Mormons are even nuttier than I thought.

doxastic July 28, 2010 at 11:43 am

Can we all agree to refer to Glenn Beck as ‘Captain Moroni” from now on?

WhatTheHeck July 28, 2010 at 11:45 am

Dear god, I know you would tell us congregants that we would go blind and grow hair on our palms if we did, you know, that self satifying thing. But now I implore you, you god of we conservative tea partiers. Forgive Glenn’s sins and put some mud and spit on his eyes and restore him to the man he never was.

-your humble sinner

germansteel July 28, 2010 at 11:45 am

You can make all the fun you want of the notion that praying pays dividends, but what you gonna say when those Jesus freaks down on the Gulf start reminding you’all that it was only after they got their praying on for the oil leak to stop and for the Gulf to get all cleaned up, that lo and behold it happened? HENGGHH? HENGGH? etc?

Ruhe July 28, 2010 at 11:46 am

Has he tried rubbing his eyes with mud? Maybe some of the scales from his forehead area sloughed off and are now stuck to his eyelids. A little mud works great to take off those pesky scales.

Tom' July 28, 2010 at 11:46 am

Signs seem like quite a bit of work. Next time you’re at the mall, just throw a dime into the fountains and make a wish. Those work just as well, right?

Terry July 28, 2010 at 11:47 am

Let’s all pray that God fixes his brain while he’s working in the general vicinity.

weejee July 28, 2010 at 11:49 am

Glenn is going blind because of too much playing with his bony moroni.

Mild Midwesterner July 28, 2010 at 11:50 am

Since Glen’s eyes are bad, wouldn’t it make more sense to post the Facebook messages in braille?

SayItWithWookies July 28, 2010 at 11:50 am

Dear God –

Please start existing so you can fix Glenn Beck’s lachrymal ducts, as they are horribly obstructed by gobs of Vick’s Vap-O-Rub. And while you, as a fictitious all-knowing critter, might see more reason to start in on the rest of his head because there’s so much more wrong with it than his weepers, we don’t really care — if he grew a lick o’sense he’d stop being so much fun.

Yours (well not really — even the least)

SIw/W

Ruhe July 28, 2010 at 11:51 am

Remember that one Spielberg movie where the guy had new eyes put in and the sleazy doctor warned him that if he opened his eyes too soon he’d be blind but then he did open his eyes and he was still fine the next day, and that was like a typical Spielbergian red herring? Is this thing with Beck like that?

freakishlystrong July 28, 2010 at 11:54 am

Captain Moroni definitely needs an intervention of sorts, just not so sure that his eyes are what needs fixin’.

JMP July 28, 2010 at 11:55 am

Tom-for-whom-the-reply-button-does-not-work: Nah, we don’t need to waste a perfectly good dime. According to the Oprah-promoted The Secret, all you have to do is wish for something strongly enough, and you’ll get it!

Well, that’s basically the same thing as prayer without the imaginary friend part.

AnnieGetYourFun July 28, 2010 at 11:56 am

Well, they got the moron-y part right, I guess, even if they spelled it rong.

13ollocks To The Rules July 28, 2010 at 11:56 am

Maybe Mama Grizzly can donate one of her eyes – then you can both monitor the communistic hordes across the Bering Strait. Failing this (and bearing in mind that La GriftyGrizzler never “donated” anything in her life), fall to your knees and pray that God the Opthalmologist was not accredited by Rand Paul.

Pandy July 28, 2010 at 12:00 pm

These must be the same people who created the FB page hoping Barry would die.

freakishlystrong July 28, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Oh, and after having glanced at that shit; what the fuck has happened to this country? That a weeping, googly eyed paranoid could rise to the level of influence he enjoys screams volumes about the moronis in this fucked up country. Sheesh!

southern mark smith July 28, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Fix Glenn’s God, please?

I didn’t realize at first that I was supposed to pronounce the “eyes”.

Mad Brahms July 28, 2010 at 12:03 pm

God quit facebook because he was sick of having his “mysterious ways” broadcast all over the place by shitty privacy policy changes, so he won’t be seeing this.

Sgt. Biyatch July 28, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Capt. Moroni’s greatest moment was when he announced “This is fargin war!” on Jocko Dundee’s gang.

Later, he defeated Xenu and ascended to heaven in a DC9 hot rodded with Unicorn horn-fueled rocket packs. Then he was promoted to Double Supreme Commander Admiral of the amoebocytes and lived happily ever after.

V572625694 July 28, 2010 at 12:09 pm

“Captain Moroni is presented as a righteous and skilled military commander. Among his accomplishments were his extensive preparations for battle….” So, he gave big contracts to Lockheed-Martin? I guess this could’ve happened before they merged.

JMP July 28, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Just think of what the people who actually are joining this are actually saying, in their own minds:

“Dear god, I believe you exist and have the power to control everything in the world. Please, for now, stop doing anything about wars, natural disasters, epidemics and fatal diseases, starvation, crushing poverty, and even the outcome of sporting events to prevent this raging douchbag I’m a fan of from having his vision get blurry.”

[re=627310]Mad Brahms[/re]: I heard he quit facebook because he got sick of all his close worshipers’ constant stream of FarmVille request.

comicbookguy July 28, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Are these the same people who were sending facebook prayers to kill President Obama a few months ago? Yeah, I thought so.

Witch Hazel July 28, 2010 at 12:12 pm

YOU CANNOT PETITION THE LORD WITH PRAYER!

tribbzthesquidz July 28, 2010 at 12:12 pm

After Beck’s “going blind” routine we can expect a “blind prophet” routine.

donner_froh July 28, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Well, I didn’t expect Captain Moroni!

You NEVER expect Captain Maroni. That is the source of our power…

Potater July 28, 2010 at 12:14 pm

“Captain Moroni” with sunglasses and begging cup t-shirt please.

13ollocks To The Rules July 28, 2010 at 12:19 pm

I took a look at the Facebook page – after enduring a small snippit of the fucking TORRENT of drivel spouted by these bozos, I’m having trouble keeping my lunch down (Yo Glenn! Here’s another torrent for ya! – Semi-digested egg salad on rye, with a bile dressing)

Mr Blifil July 28, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Limbaugh did the same thing with his whole struggle against “hearing loss.” He was less upfront about his terrible struggles with painkillers and underage prostitutes from Manilla and the Domenican Republic…but that’s all one.

I also notice Captain Moroni named his son Moronihah. I wonder what the kids in school gave him as a nickname?

13ollocks To The Rules July 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Music to Rush’s ears: “Me so horny. Me love you long time” to the musical accompaniment of Mannheim Steamroller, or some other overblown shit.

Redhead July 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm

[re=627320]Potater[/re]: Why do you people all keep adding an extra “i” to the Captain?

binarian July 28, 2010 at 12:26 pm

[re=627280]doxastic[/re]: Captain Moron fits better I think.

AnnieGetYourFun July 28, 2010 at 12:27 pm

You know, this has probably been said already, but I call bullshit on Glenn’s macular degeneration story. He’s lying.

Dukakis in a Tank July 28, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Um, God knows about this page, okay? Facebook suggested that he join. But then God struck Zuckerberg with a bolt of lightening for doubting his omnipresence.

comicbookguy July 28, 2010 at 12:30 pm

He’s cured! It’s a miracle! (now can we has prayerz in skool plz?)

proudgrampa July 28, 2010 at 12:34 pm

You know, when you read all this shit from the Book of Mormon, it is just inconceivable to me how the millions of supposedly educated Mormons buy into it. Especially as a large portion of it is plagiarized from King James’ Bible (another piece of crap):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origin_of_the_Book_of_Mormon#Purported_plagiarism

Fucking Mormons.

I do like the idea of calling Beck “Captain Moroni,” though.

Escape Goat Nation July 28, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Next up: Glenn to kidnap himself and leave hints that ACORN did it.

SayItWithWookies July 28, 2010 at 12:36 pm

[re=627334]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: It’s not even macular degeneration — it’s something called macular dystrophy, which apparently makes one’s vision fuzzy and needs a little more care than normally aging eyes, which require a prescription change every two years or so. So his potential blindness is basically the Iraqi nuclear weapons program of modern medicine.

snideinplainsight July 28, 2010 at 12:40 pm

I don’t understand this blingee.

just pixels July 28, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Is Beck Captain Moroni or just Captain Moron? Or perhaps Captain of the Morons?

I hope GB has a backup plan because God is deciding which children die of starvation. Also saving family photo albums from tornadoes (He sent). If he does GB (“go blind”), that socialistic Americans with Disabilities Act which mandates accommodations for the blind will be a big help.

mumblyjoe July 28, 2010 at 12:43 pm

[re=627318]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: [re=627334]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: This is pretty much my bet, too. I’m calling even odds on Beck’s impending fake-blindness being “miraculously” cured when his racism-cult convenes for their terrible August 28th thing.

Ruhe July 28, 2010 at 12:44 pm

[re=627318]tribbzthesquidz[/re]: Does that mean Beck will reveal he’s a hermaphrodite?

RoscoePColtraine July 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

This is so typical of you atheist libtards! You’re so ignorant of God and his “plan.” God, in fact, created us human beings so that we could beg Him for stuff. He already knows what we want to ask for, but…..(wait for it)…..He enjoys the begging. No shit. Fundies believe that.

mumblyjoe July 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

[re=627349]snideinplainsight[/re]: It does kinda remind me of the lyrics to the song “Night Man”, if you follow It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

BOOBIES! July 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

It wouldn’t be necessary to pray to God for medical care if Beck and his mindless minions would support health care reform and more tax money for medical research and stem cell research.

ForTheTurnstiles July 28, 2010 at 12:48 pm

[re=627345]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Dude, I have fucking macular dystrophy. It’s just fucking annoying, it’s not really a super big deal. I’m just not able to be a workaholic anymore, which is turning out to be a-okay with me.

Srsly, Beck, quit being a goddamned crybaby.

norbizness July 28, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Dear Mormon Jesus: Please send your messenger in the form of a wild board to impale and maul Mr. Beck to death so that he can get a super-special private planet filled with Swedish Bikini Team members in that imaginary bullshit afterlife horsecrap you cooked up when Joseph Smith was drunk on elderberry wine.

mustardman July 28, 2010 at 12:55 pm

What if god cannot used the Google. How will he find the page. There are no scriptures written yet with instructions.

Lazy Media July 28, 2010 at 12:55 pm

[re=627279]JMP[/re]: I knew Mormons believed some stupid shit because I’ve read a few pages of the Book of Mormon (a more transparent Biblical forgery you will not find). But they believe impossibly stupid shit, too. The “Nephites” supposedly were massacred in a battle in 385 A.D. There are quite a few historical records going back that far, and (surprise), no Nephites in them.

It’s one thing to believe in supernatural events that cannot be proven/disproven. It’s another to believe in fictional history that is quite EASILY disproven. Fuckin’ Utah dumbasses.

Lazy Media July 28, 2010 at 12:58 pm

First Limbaugh’s ears, then Beck’s eyes. Can we (oh PLEASE) hope that Sean Hannity’s vocal cords will become paralyzed next?

Geogre July 28, 2010 at 12:59 pm

This is far better than socialized medicine: socialize prayer.

(Oh, and as someone who was born with congenital heart defects (yes, redundant), club footed, cross-eyed, and hospitalized five times before the age of five, I know that prayer does work, but I also know that it’s not a contest, not a test, and not a spectacle.) (Also, as someone who is “uninsurable” on the private market and who spent seventeen years uninsured, Glenn’s private fortune leaves me somewhat cold hearted.)

However, yes: pray for his eyes, that they may be opened and his brain be cured of its many diseases.

drrty martini July 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm

I, for one, am going to try that Lotto prayer!

SmutBoffin July 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm

PRAYERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

GODDNIGHT

Oblios Cap July 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm

I think of Captain Caveman everytime I see Captain Moron-i.

I hope that God answers these prayers with a resounding “NO!”

comicbookguy July 28, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Please adjust your facebook privacy settings so that God may read and respond to your prayers.

Liberty Vader July 28, 2010 at 1:08 pm

If Beck is going blind, perhaps God has already spoken.

BeWoot July 28, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Best cutline ever, from the NYT, circa 1980: “The faithful wait at Lourdes, France.”

Glenn should try that–pull up a wheelchair and wait for the rapture.

Joey Ratz July 28, 2010 at 1:13 pm

…YOU ARE SECOND ONLY TO THE GREAT INFORMATION SOCIETY OF WHAT I LISTEN TO DAILY…

Forget Captain Moroni and his stupid son Moron-hahah for a minute. What the hell does this even mean? Who is Mr. All-Caps’ primary information provider? My guess is Pastor Swank.

Extemporanus July 28, 2010 at 1:17 pm

I have a naming suggestion that might help establish a fragile peace between the warring “Moron” and “Moroni” factions:

“Captain Moron Eye”

:roll:

GOPCrusher July 28, 2010 at 1:18 pm

[re=627374]Lazy Media[/re]: I’m hoping Ann Coulter’s penis will fall off.

pub_option July 28, 2010 at 1:23 pm

I seem to remember that the cure for blindness set out in the Book of Tobit (not sure if that book is in the Mormon bible) involves bird excrement.

mustardman July 28, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Here is what I would post if I wanted to go to the trouble seeing as how I don’t believe this BS cry for attention of his anyways but even if I did I don’t care.

“May the farts from a thousand assholes descend upon your face”

proudgrampa July 28, 2010 at 1:25 pm

[re=627384]Oblios Cap[/re]: I did not understand that reference until I Googled it. Until today, I had never, ever heard of Captain Caveman. In the late 70′s, I did not have television in my house, so never saw this cartoon.

This is why Wonkette is so great. I learn something new every day.

And the porn, also. Wonkette porn, that is.

Mad Brahms July 28, 2010 at 1:26 pm

[re=627372]Lazy Media[/re]: Mormon apologetics is absolutely *captivating* to me, though! I mean, there’s a lot of improbable stuff in the Bible, but for the most part, rationalists can say “see, here’s an unnecessarily supernatural explanation of natural phenomena / historical events” or read into it as propaganda for Israelite conquests, etc.

The Book of Mormon, though, that’s just cooky! I mean, it’s got a number of different tribes leaving Israel and all somehow ending up in the same part of the “New World”, and experiencing all sorts of things, like iron weapons, horses, pigs, etc, that just didn’t exist. The kind of fanwanking people do to somehow make the book match historical / archaeological reality is just all kinds of fascinating.

Undeterredbyreality July 28, 2010 at 1:26 pm

So what if he does go blind? Everything he sees is only in his mind anyway.

Cape Clod July 28, 2010 at 1:31 pm

[re=627334]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I agree, it’s a stunt. Pardon me if I am wrong, but this huckster would stoop to anything to manipulate the army of cretins who listen to him regularly.

comicbookguy July 28, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Never before have I so badly wanted a facebook profile with the name “God”

El Pinche July 28, 2010 at 1:32 pm

DEAR GOD , MORANI, AND SPIRIT REAGAN,
PLEASE EXCHANGE BLINDESS FOR MUTENESS.
THANK YOU

dedalus July 28, 2010 at 1:32 pm

At least he still has his third eye.

Oblios Cap July 28, 2010 at 1:33 pm

[re=627399]proudgrampa[/re]:

Glad to help. Here’s another treat. Scroll down the page for translation

Cicada July 28, 2010 at 1:35 pm

And Glenn Beck inches one step closer to becoming a real-life Elmer Gantry.

dex July 28, 2010 at 1:35 pm

hello my children. it is i, the most high, using my god ability to speak to you through the comments section of wonkette.

i will fix the prophet glenn’s eyes, and also teach you to spell “kojak,” which was one of my favorite television shows back in the 1970s. not as good as ‘baretta,’ but there you go.

god out.

Oblios Cap July 28, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=627413]dedalus[/re]:

And you know this how?

ella July 28, 2010 at 1:39 pm

“There are none so blind as those who will not see.”

By that criterion, his eyeballs are gonna fall out.

pub_option July 28, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Glenn might only want to get one eye fixed. He always takes a one-sided view of events.

mousie July 28, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Dear Merciful God,
Please make Glenn Beck mute, too.
And while we’re talking, what was up with the Crusades?
Amen
Yours Truly,
Pray My Ass Off Someone Will Throw A Bucket Of Water-bubbly or tap, either will do–On SP And Make Her Melt.

captqitn July 28, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Didn’t realize anyone still listened to Information Society. Let alone every day.

June Cleaver 2.0 July 28, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Beck won’t be able to see his own evil? Limbaugh not able to hear his own evil? Who won’t be able to speak his own evil — shortly?

TheUptightMidwesterner July 28, 2010 at 1:48 pm

“Dear White Jesus,
Please let Glenn Beck figure out that if he takes his head out of his ass, he will be able to see a lot better.
Just not right away.
Thanks.”

JMP July 28, 2010 at 1:52 pm

[re=627358]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: One of my favorite takedowns of the fundies is in the comic Preacher, in which the Christian god exists, and is the series’ main villain. He’s presented as a whiny shit who created humanity, demanded they worship him, and torments them just because he needs his ass to constantly be kissed.

[re=627372]Lazy Media[/re]: There’s some easily debunked history in the main Bible, but nowhere near as much as the Book of Mormon. The worst probably are the Jews as slaves in Egypt, when the Egyptians left extensive record with no mention of them and did not practice slavery, and the massacre of the innocents by Herod, who was dead at the time it allegedly happened and which the Romans who ruled Judea apparently never noticed.

But the Mormon teachings go far beyond that, and if you read Smith’s story of how he allegedly found and translated the book it’s pretty clear he was nothing but a con artist who was making the whole thing it up as he we along. Kind of like the main arc in later seasons of X-Files.

TheWaltonFirm July 28, 2010 at 1:53 pm

I wonder what life is going to be like when Beck pretends to be blind so as to cast himself in a more sympathetic role. My guess is that his operation will have a more cultish fanatacism, as his followers praise his “miraculous” ability to shun the use of canes or a guide dog in the name of self reliance. If you think these people are irritating now…

Come here a minute July 28, 2010 at 2:00 pm

I hope we get a follow up post with a photo of the sign outside in the yard or on the ground somewhere, wherever Lauri leaves it for at least 24 hours or until it blows away/gets rained on/is stolen by a liberal. Please note, the proper disposal of this sacred item involves cremation.

One Yield Regular July 28, 2010 at 2:00 pm

I’ll say one thing: between the TV show, the radio broadcasts, the book sales, the foray into “fiction,” the dazzling variety of Glenn paraphernalia, the Lincoln Memorial Gun Rally (?!) commemorative t-shirts, and now trumpeting a minor ailment to reap gazillions in sympathetic donations from his brain-dead, toxically-righteous, anger-filled, reactionary, fascist-leaning flock, Glenn Beck has rightfully earned his own entire wing in the Hall of Fame of American Hucksterism.

Oldskool July 28, 2010 at 2:09 pm

They really need to ask god to disconnect the nerve running from his eyes to his ass so he won’t have such a shitty outlook.

(Sorry, that may be old but it’s still a gem.)

actor212 July 28, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Dear God,

Please remind Glenn Beck that you really can go blind jerking other people off.

Amen

Darkness July 28, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Remember that Twilight Zone episode where the doctors are all frantically working on this woman to fix her hideous deformities and when they pull the bandages off she is this beautiful blonde and the camera pans back and the doctors are all boar-faces and she starts screaming and crying about how ugly she still is?

Wait, that doesn’t apply here. Nevermind.

OCKerouac July 28, 2010 at 2:24 pm

On the plus side, Glenn is one step closer to being able to play a mean pinball…

DoktorZoom July 28, 2010 at 2:34 pm

I just wanted to ask a question. What does God need with a facebook page?

mrtrailsafety July 28, 2010 at 2:44 pm

Jesus weeping from his One Eye, sayeth “Oh, Beckie! Did you have to polish the bishop so much as a wasted youth?”

trondant July 28, 2010 at 2:47 pm

[re=627312]Sgt. Biyatch[/re]: I wondered why he was always calling Obama a corksucker.

Crazybroad July 28, 2010 at 3:01 pm

[re=627314]JMP[/re]: God plays Mafia Wars.

Geogre July 28, 2010 at 3:05 pm

[re=627439]JMP[/re]: Aaaaaactually, I’m just getting ready to teach Exodus, so I did the unthinkable and re-read it for the first time since age 13.

The book never, ever says that the Jews were slaves.

It says they were “in bondage.” The clearest picture seems to be that they were bound to the land and had to produce X and Y quantities, that they were, in effect, serfs. Further, Pharoah acts badly toward them for a very clear reason: he is afraid of having so many “foreigners” in his country. He is getting attacked constantly by eastern kingdoms, and he’s worried that having a population that is “non-Egyptian” will mean that they will revolt and throw in with an attacker some day, and, because “those people keep multiplying,” he wants their population limited.

They are NOT slaves in the Greek or Roman sense, and certainly not in the American sense.

Cicada July 28, 2010 at 3:09 pm

[re=627499]DoktorZoom[/re]: He’s got a Twitter account too. God is basically an 18 year-old college freshman.

PlanetWingnuta July 28, 2010 at 3:10 pm

yeahhhhhhhhhhhh God is sure to hear those prayers…when they hate the muzlim prez in their hearts.

PlanetWingnuta July 28, 2010 at 3:12 pm

[re=627547]Geogre[/re]: Jews the first Mexicans :) you would think this would show the Arizonians (esp those religious ones) that the law is wrong…but i doubt they ever thought this deeply.

Maus July 28, 2010 at 3:19 pm

[re=627499]DoktorZoom[/re]: Western Wall 2.0.

Sgt. Biyatch July 28, 2010 at 3:25 pm

[re=627521]trondant[/re]: I think his exact words were “bastage corksucker who hates white people”.

bago July 28, 2010 at 3:27 pm

PRYING OPEN MORON EYE!
/Tool

chascates July 28, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Meanwhile, Allah is laughing his ass off.

rmjag July 28, 2010 at 3:56 pm

[re=627342]proudgrampa[/re]: it has nothing to do with education or intelligence . it has to do with an unshakable level of fear imposed since childhood , when it does the most lasting damage . it’s about clinging to the only thing that you have been told will ‘save’ you . religion , basically , reaches out and dominates the emotional core of the brain of defenseless children to make them into defenseless adults. it’s permanent and that is the crime of it all .

Troubledog July 28, 2010 at 4:04 pm

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee
Matthew 18:9

proudgrampa July 28, 2010 at 4:09 pm

[re=627628]rmjag[/re]: I would agree with you, my friend, except that I, personally, feel like I’ve overcome the guilt and fear imposed on me in my childhood, and I was exposed to both Southern Baptism AND Mormonism (actually, not that much difference between the two).

I am, generally, a big fraidy-cat and not all that smart. But if I can figure out the lies and the crap inherent in these religions, I can’t understand why millions of others do not.

rmjag July 28, 2010 at 4:23 pm

[re=627646]proudgrampa[/re]: i have overcome the same things . however , i was never comfortable within the group that was scaring me in order to ‘save’ me . i was always outside of the group , never having the comfort of acceptance or of belonging , so there was no false hope . i attributed my success in avoiding the blindness of religion to my father’s family , who were Quakers .

finallyhappy July 28, 2010 at 4:35 pm

[re=627479]Darkness[/re]: yes-how about the one with almost no sound and the tiny “aliens” were American spacemen- and the giant lady(the real alien) was Bette Davis(or someone like her). It doesn’t apply either but is a lot more interesting that that lying sack of shit, Glenn Beck- who is not going blind.

proudgrampa July 28, 2010 at 4:45 pm

[re=627663]rmjag[/re]: Makes sense. If you’re outside the group and don’t have a need to be a part of it, you can retain your objectivity. In my case, as a child, I had a tremendous fear of being ostracized and alone: I was a perfect target for these cults.

I had grandparents who were alomst like Holy Rollers, and parents who insisted on going to church all the time. All that talk of going to hell and being born in a sinful state gets to one after a while: you can’t win. By the time I got to be a teenager, I was sick of it all.

Thank God for Atheism…

rmjag July 28, 2010 at 5:05 pm

[re=627697]proudgrampa[/re]: then you won . the whole point of religion is to make sure you will never ‘win’ unless you remain an obedient child , and if you do that , then you’ve lost yourself

problemwithcaring July 28, 2010 at 5:09 pm

And for the 25,000 people in America who are rendered blind every year because they can’t afford basic health care to treat their diabetes, Dear God, please smite them to protect our freedums.

momus July 28, 2010 at 5:11 pm

I tried to friend God on FB, but the closest I could come was Mr. Deity.

ArugulaTeleprompterz July 28, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Will Glenn Beckians be like Ellen Jamesians? Instead of cutting off their tongues will they poke out their own eyes in solidarity with their leader?

Tuna Industry Paybacks July 28, 2010 at 5:35 pm

OK, which one of you is ‘Paul Hipple’?? Well done.

rmjag July 28, 2010 at 5:59 pm

hear no evil , see no evil and speak no evil – If limbaugh was supposed to go deaf , and beck is to lose his eyesight , then who is the 3rd ape who will go mute ? kinda writes itself …………

Heywood Jablome July 28, 2010 at 6:17 pm

[re=627663]rmjag[/re]: Society of Friends, represent!

proudgrampa July 28, 2010 at 6:25 pm

[re=627799]Heywood Jablome[/re]: Nixon was a Quaker, right?

rocktonsammy July 28, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Dear God,

Bleck’s faith in whatever will see him through.

On to bigger bidness.

Stop making my president’s hair from going gray.

Ok, thanks.

Sam.

rmjag July 28, 2010 at 6:48 pm

[re=627808]proudgrampa[/re]: so was herbert hoover . quakers generally don’t go into politics ( or prostitution in general ). hoover did much better in war relief efforts after ww1 – in europe he is like a saint . but quakers don’t do saints either , usually . james dean was encouraged by the quaker community in which he was raised to be all he could be , and except for the car accident , he did ok .

Heywood Jablome July 28, 2010 at 7:04 pm

[re=627808]proudgrampa[/re]: (sigh) Yes. You just had to go there…

To be fair, IIRC he was raised in the fundie “programmed” strain (i.e. unprogrammed = the pacifist, sitting in silence without preacher or scripture Quakers)

Darkness July 28, 2010 at 7:35 pm

[re=627786]rmjag[/re]: Oh, if it’s Sarah, I honestly will go to confession and then go to church. Well . . . once.

To be free of the half-literate word salad! Oh, god, make it so!

The Huffington Pogue July 28, 2010 at 7:55 pm

Are you there God? It’s me, Macular Degeneration.

rmjag July 28, 2010 at 9:44 pm

[re=627850]Darkness[/re]: like vivien leigh was born to play scarlette o’hara , and gloria swanson was born to play norma desmond , sarah was born to play the third monkey …

Guppy06 July 28, 2010 at 9:49 pm

The great thing about evangelicalism isn’t praying, it’s showing everyone online that I did.

S.Luggo July 28, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Becky will become a white Geordi La Forge, but with the skill to goose the warp engines to out run the Borg. And in that lies the tragedy. Picard out.

MsQuasimodo July 31, 2010 at 12:41 am

[re=627376]Geogre[/re]: You’re my kinda guy! I like you. I also haz no health insurance. — Ms Quasimodo

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