AN EDUCATION  12:37 pm May 18, 2010

by Jim Newell

But Obama is teaching the same lesson!UHHH… “The Secret Service investigated an Alabama high school teacher for using the example of shooting President Obama while teaching a geometry lesson.” Is there any other way to teach geometry? “He was talking about angles and said, ‘If you’re in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president.’” Oh dear god. And not that it matters, but what’s he thinking here, secant? cotangent? Corresponding Parts of Congruent Triangles are Congruent (CPCTC)? Just kidding, it does matter. [TPM]

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facehead May 18, 2010 at 12:42 pm

How else are they gonna learn the Oswaldian Theorem?

ArkansasFred May 18, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I didn’t think these people believed in mathematics.

Katydid May 18, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Good. Now any Wonketteer who makes a pithy, relevant joke will self-identify as an engineer, and we can weed ‘em out and banhammer ‘em.

In other words, I got nothin’.

Long Form Def Certificate May 18, 2010 at 12:43 pm

No mention of the teacher’s Barack Obama hypotenuse successories poster?

slappypaddy May 18, 2010 at 12:44 pm

that’s how they’ve been teaching geometry in dallas for decades.

Sharkey May 18, 2010 at 12:46 pm

[re=579483]Katydid[/re]: I was going to say something about linear algebra, but never mind.

(Can’t wait to hear from Neilist on this.)

you cannot be serious May 18, 2010 at 12:46 pm

When did John Hinkley get his teacher credentials?

bureaucrap May 18, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Perhaps we can instruct all of our physics teachers to discuss how the temperature of boiling water affects the rate of dispersal of a teabagger into a solution.

RoscoePColtraine May 18, 2010 at 12:47 pm

You can hate the guy serving, but at least respect “the office.” Whoa, for a second there I was sounding like a republican.

ManchuCandidate May 18, 2010 at 12:48 pm


It’s not Geometry that kills, it’s the Kinetic Energy.

Long Form Def Certificate May 18, 2010 at 12:49 pm

[re=579495]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It’s kind of gone downhill since Jim & Pam got engaged, though.

V572625694 May 18, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Neilist should be climbing out of his spider hole about now, and ought to be able to give us some chillingly authentic guidance on ballistics, trajectories, kill-power, etc.

rambone May 18, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Seems OK to me. My high school physics teacher taught us about coefficients of friction using examples of assfucking Barbara Bush (senior) with, and sans, lube.

PsycGirl May 18, 2010 at 12:51 pm

“Just kidding, it does matter.” Does it to yew??

JMP May 18, 2010 at 12:51 pm

It’s Alabama yet again, they’ve really been working hard to retake the lead since Arizona beat them as most racist state. You know, fuck Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Reese Witherspoon, there is nothing sweet about that state.

LittlePig May 18, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Bit of a double standard going on here. My kid got expelled for TALKING ABOUT A BB GUN. We got him back in after a variety of stern lectures from the assistant superintendent.

This Alabama teacher gets no disiplinary action at all. Just the stern lecture part.

How about we fire his ass for a couple of weeks, THEN give him the stern lecture and reinstate. Let him sit at home for a while and think about what he’s done. If it’s good enough for a 13 year old, it’s good enough for this sorry piece of white trash.

Pat Pending May 18, 2010 at 12:52 pm

back and to the left, back and to the left…

BOOBIES! May 18, 2010 at 12:53 pm

And the folks who bombed the World Trade Center and Pentagon on 9/11 were just trying to teach us a physics lesson.

facehead May 18, 2010 at 12:53 pm

[re=579491]Sharkey[/re]: I’m giving Nelist a pre-emptive WIN.

finallyhappy May 18, 2010 at 12:54 pm

whoa, they teach geometry in Alabama!?

bitchincamaro May 18, 2010 at 12:54 pm

[re=579480]facehead[/re]: The whole equation is moot if you divide it by a grassy knoll

Lascauxcaveman May 18, 2010 at 12:56 pm

[re=579505]V572625694[/re]: That’s the thing with him; yeah he knows his guns ‘n shit, heck everybody needs a hobby, I guess. But he’s only funny on completely unrelated subjects, on which he rarely comments.

C’mon, Neillist. Don’t rise to the bait on this thread, get out of your comfort zone and make hay on marital infidelity, or superannuated public execution fans.

Buzz Feedback May 18, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Dale Peterson is a geometry teacher, too?

Cape Clod May 18, 2010 at 12:57 pm

If you’re a high school math teacher, you should not give your students an opportunity to rat you out to the feds.

rambone May 18, 2010 at 12:58 pm

[re=579515]finallyhappy[/re]: Well, mostly they draw shapes in the dirt using a pointed stick and guffah a lot, but hey, if intelligent design satisfies the requirements for biology, why not?

dijetlo May 18, 2010 at 12:59 pm

A bullet falls at the same rate fired from a rifle as it does if you drop it to the ground, in short it isn’t an example of euclidean geometry.
Now, if you were trying to peg Hopey with a shoulder fired rocket or missile…a Hellfire or a LAWS, for example…that has a euclidean solution but this bullet crap is just another example of the substandard education the gubmint is foisting on our chilluns!

ella May 18, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Did the example use an angle from a double-wide?

kdaddy May 18, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Thankfully, as in all High School math classes everywhere, 99% of the students were asleep during
this lesson.

mumblyjoe May 18, 2010 at 1:04 pm

And yet, if I said that these people should consider killing themselves, *I’d* be the one called a violent racist.

V572625694 May 18, 2010 at 1:06 pm

[re=579523]Cape Clod[/re]: You say that as if you know from personal experience….

TheWaltonFirm May 18, 2010 at 1:10 pm

This is despicable, but in fairness, I should admit that I really like the song “Bush Killer” by Paris.

pub_option May 18, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Do they follow the biblical text in Alabama, and assume that pi=3?

Prommie May 18, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Remember Risky Business, “if you can’t say it, you can’t do it.” Its the first step, you have to be able to say it, then you can do it.

WhatTheHeck May 18, 2010 at 1:12 pm

They are teaching about the Weapons of Math Destruction at that there school.

JohnnyMeatworth May 18, 2010 at 1:12 pm

So 9/11 was plotted using quadratic equations, then?

Way Cool Larry May 18, 2010 at 1:14 pm

[re=579513]BOOBIES![/re]: except we all failed that lesson, since the official story is a crock.

Extemporanus May 18, 2010 at 1:15 pm

[re=579484]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Barack Obama is a nappy hypotenuse.

(Not to be confused with Nappied Hypotenuse, whose angle of their dangle is inversely proportional to mass of their ass.)

gurukalehuru May 18, 2010 at 1:15 pm

[re=579509]JMP[/re]: If we just kicked out all the states that start with A, it would be a net gain.

TGY May 18, 2010 at 1:19 pm

[re=579483]Katydid[/re]: What’chu talkin’ ’bout?

AxmxZ May 18, 2010 at 1:20 pm

The Secret Service will help him brush up on the Archimedes’ Principle, by partially immersing his head in water.

Prommie May 18, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Hey there, Newell, there’s fun stuff coming out of Kentucky about RandPaultard libertarian teaparty loons harrassing people at the polls, winning hearts and minds through their charming narcissistic personality disorder traits. Who’da thunk, teabaggers, who hate the results of elections, engaging in election thuggery?

x111e7thst May 18, 2010 at 1:28 pm

@Jim: If you are talking angle of reach, and I think you are, then sin(2th)=gd/V^2

Gorillionaire May 18, 2010 at 1:30 pm

So did a student rat him out? I expect this student to be stalked and harassed by Malkin 24/7 until the next news cycle.

What Fresh Hell is This? May 18, 2010 at 1:34 pm

I refuse to believe that this high school exists in Warrior, Alabama.

In 2007, there were 1000 students, with only one Black child.

mumblyjoe May 18, 2010 at 1:37 pm

[re=579561]gurukalehuru[/re]: “a net gain”

Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Arizona… I don’t think I’m missing one, so I dunno what you’re talking about: that sounds strictly win-win-win-win.

qwerty42 May 18, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Oscar Had A Heap Of Apples
sine θ = Opposite/Hypotenuse
cosine θ = Adjacent/Hypotenuse
tangent θ = Opposite/Adjacent

cosecant θ = Hypotenuse/Opposite = 1/sin θ
secant θ = Hypotenuse/Adjacent = 1/cos θ
cotangent θ = Adjacent/Opposite = 1/tan θ

I think this covers the relevant points. The proof is left as an exercise for the student.

slappypaddy May 18, 2010 at 1:40 pm

“Incidentally, the story exhibits the dependence of education upon national life, and the mischief wrought in the body politic when education is permitted to develop in a partisan atmosphere.”

aflurry May 18, 2010 at 1:40 pm

[re=579512]Pat Pending[/re]:

Lee Harvey was a friend of mine
He used to take me fishing all the time
He used to throw the ball to me, when i was just a kid
They say he shot the President, but I don’t think he did

PalinsAfterbirth May 18, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Couldn’t he have used a more useful example for Alabama students? Like say, the proper angle of approach, relative to the horizon, for mounting a farm animal and/or blood relation?

4tehlulz May 18, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Thing is, since they believe that pi = 3, they would most likely miss, so for the sake of the president’s safety, let this type of lesson continue.

Monsieur Grumpe May 18, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Mr. Chu is partially right. But in the end, it’s the conservation of energy that causes brains to splatter like a dropped pudding pop.

Katydid May 18, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Mr. Newell, ding ding ding, we have a winner!!! Banhammer querty42 for knowing cosecant, secant and cotangent, plz, and not being ashamed.

qwerty42 May 18, 2010 at 2:01 pm

[re=579618]4tehlulz[/re]: …since they believe that pi = 3 …
I believe that is the value used in the bible:

2Chronicles 4:2 “Also he made a molten sea of ten cubits from brim to brim, round in compass, and five cubits the height thereof; and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about.”

30/10 = 3 none of this irrational stuff …

Nappied Hypotenuse May 18, 2010 at 2:12 pm

[re=579560]Extemporanus[/re]: Um, thanks?

Words May 18, 2010 at 2:15 pm

[re=579597]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Actually, and I haz a sad to say this, but it sounds @ right to me.

[re=579616]PalinsAfterbirth[/re]: They usually use shooting a deer as an example; maybe he’s a PETA person.

Cape Clod May 18, 2010 at 2:33 pm

[re=579545]V572625694[/re]: No. I had a fat, nearsighted geometry teacher with a buzz cut named Thadeus Krok. He was too pitiful to work up need for vengence against him.

BobTheBuilder May 18, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Secant, tangent, cosine, sine
Cube root, square root, BTU,
Alabama: Fuck You!

GOPCrusher May 18, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Oddly enough, I don’t ever remember a geometry lesson that contained the term “send that socialist nigger to hell”.
One of the benefits of a classical education.

What Fresh Hell is This? May 18, 2010 at 3:12 pm

[re=579759]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Thanks, but it depends on who is sent to do the fucking. We have been fucked by some of the best. BP joins our corporate overlords like International Paper and Weyerhauser, and we are among the top in foreign-owned agricultural land. If you want to send someone like Miss USA, we might have a greater reason to accept the offer.

guangho May 18, 2010 at 3:17 pm

On the bright side, if Obama gets a second term, Alabama’s standardized test math scores are gonna shoot through the roof.

And miss.

Holden Caulfield May 18, 2010 at 3:32 pm

They don’t give the name of the teacher, but the only male math teacher from this high school listed on gets this lovely review: ” coach will jump up and down,spit in the trash can and talk redneck….”

It might not be the same teacher, but it certainly says something ’bout the school.

Mr Blifil May 18, 2010 at 4:23 pm

So I guess there won’t be a gay prom at this school either.

Pandy May 18, 2010 at 4:41 pm

And this is suprising because…?

dinkybossetti May 18, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Oh, this brings back memories. One of the history teachers at my high school was in similar trouble with the Secret Service after giving an extra credit assignment that involved figuring out a way to assassinate then President-elect Clinton as he made a stop in our town on his way to the White House.

Needz moar guns May 18, 2010 at 5:35 pm

.[re=579510]LittlePig[/re]: Was that in Canada? I got fired as a classroom volunteer because I let the kids put Lego guns on their Lego ships during the first Gulf War. My grandmother’s family name was Gunn. I could have had some fun with that.

hotdog May 18, 2010 at 9:27 pm

[re=579610]qwerty42[/re]: I don’t remember anything about Oscar having a heap of apples. The way I learned it 30+ years ago was “Oh Hell, Another Hour Of Algebra.”

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