an education

But Obama is teaching the same lesson!UHHH… “The Secret Service investigated an Alabama high school teacher for using the example of shooting President Obama while teaching a geometry lesson.” Is there any other way to teach geometry? “He was talking about angles and said, ‘If you’re in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president.’” Oh dear god. And not that it matters, but what’s he thinking here, secant? cotangent? Corresponding Parts of Congruent Triangles are Congruent (CPCTC)? Just kidding, it does matter. [TPM]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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66 comments

  1. Katydid

    Good. Now any Wonketteer who makes a pithy, relevant joke will self-identify as an engineer, and we can weed ‘em out and banhammer ‘em.

    In other words, I got nothin’.

  2. Long Form Def Certificate

    No mention of the teacher’s Barack Obama hypotenuse successories poster?

  3. Sharkey

    [re=579483]Katydid[/re]: I was going to say something about linear algebra, but never mind.

    (Can’t wait to hear from Neilist on this.)

  4. bureaucrap

    Perhaps we can instruct all of our physics teachers to discuss how the temperature of boiling water affects the rate of dispersal of a teabagger into a solution.

  5. RoscoePColtraine

    You can hate the guy serving, but at least respect “the office.” Whoa, for a second there I was sounding like a republican.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    [re=579483]Katydid[/re]:
    Ha.

    It’s not Geometry that kills, it’s the Kinetic Energy.

  7. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=579495]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It’s kind of gone downhill since Jim & Pam got engaged, though.

  8. V572625694

    Neilist should be climbing out of his spider hole about now, and ought to be able to give us some chillingly authentic guidance on ballistics, trajectories, kill-power, etc.

  9. rambone

    Seems OK to me. My high school physics teacher taught us about coefficients of friction using examples of assfucking Barbara Bush (senior) with, and sans, lube.

  10. JMP

    It’s Alabama yet again, they’ve really been working hard to retake the lead since Arizona beat them as most racist state. You know, fuck Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Reese Witherspoon, there is nothing sweet about that state.

  11. LittlePig

    Bit of a double standard going on here. My kid got expelled for TALKING ABOUT A BB GUN. We got him back in after a variety of stern lectures from the assistant superintendent.

    This Alabama teacher gets no disiplinary action at all. Just the stern lecture part.

    How about we fire his ass for a couple of weeks, THEN give him the stern lecture and reinstate. Let him sit at home for a while and think about what he’s done. If it’s good enough for a 13 year old, it’s good enough for this sorry piece of white trash.

  12. BOOBIES!

    And the folks who bombed the World Trade Center and Pentagon on 9/11 were just trying to teach us a physics lesson.

  13. bitchincamaro

    [re=579480]facehead[/re]: The whole equation is moot if you divide it by a grassy knoll

  14. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=579505]V572625694[/re]: That’s the thing with him; yeah he knows his guns ‘n shit, heck everybody needs a hobby, I guess. But he’s only funny on completely unrelated subjects, on which he rarely comments.

    C’mon, Neillist. Don’t rise to the bait on this thread, get out of your comfort zone and make hay on marital infidelity, or superannuated public execution fans.

  15. Cape Clod

    If you’re a high school math teacher, you should not give your students an opportunity to rat you out to the feds.

  16. rambone

    [re=579515]finallyhappy[/re]: Well, mostly they draw shapes in the dirt using a pointed stick and guffah a lot, but hey, if intelligent design satisfies the requirements for biology, why not?

  17. dijetlo

    A bullet falls at the same rate fired from a rifle as it does if you drop it to the ground, in short it isn’t an example of euclidean geometry.
    Now, if you were trying to peg Hopey with a shoulder fired rocket or missile…a Hellfire or a LAWS, for example…that has a euclidean solution but this bullet crap is just another example of the substandard education the gubmint is foisting on our chilluns!

  18. kdaddy

    Thankfully, as in all High School math classes everywhere, 99% of the students were asleep during
    this lesson.

  19. mumblyjoe

    And yet, if I said that these people should consider killing themselves, *I’d* be the one called a violent racist.

  20. V572625694

    [re=579523]Cape Clod[/re]: You say that as if you know from personal experience….

  21. TheWaltonFirm

    This is despicable, but in fairness, I should admit that I really like the song “Bush Killer” by Paris.

  22. Prommie

    Remember Risky Business, “if you can’t say it, you can’t do it.” Its the first step, you have to be able to say it, then you can do it.

  23. Way Cool Larry

    [re=579513]BOOBIES![/re]: except we all failed that lesson, since the official story is a crock.

  24. Extemporanus

    [re=579484]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: Barack Obama is a nappy hypotenuse.

    (Not to be confused with Nappied Hypotenuse, whose angle of their dangle is inversely proportional to mass of their ass.)

  25. gurukalehuru

    [re=579509]JMP[/re]: If we just kicked out all the states that start with A, it would be a net gain.

  26. AxmxZ

    The Secret Service will help him brush up on the Archimedes’ Principle, by partially immersing his head in water.

  27. Prommie

    Hey there, Newell, there’s fun stuff coming out of Kentucky about RandPaultard libertarian teaparty loons harrassing people at the polls, winning hearts and minds through their charming narcissistic personality disorder traits. Who’da thunk, teabaggers, who hate the results of elections, engaging in election thuggery?

  28. x111e7thst

    @Jim: If you are talking angle of reach, and I think you are, then sin(2th)=gd/V^2

  29. Gorillionaire

    So did a student rat him out? I expect this student to be stalked and harassed by Malkin 24/7 until the next news cycle.

  30. What Fresh Hell is This?

    I refuse to believe that this high school exists in Warrior, Alabama.

    In 2007, there were 1000 students, with only one Black child.

  31. mumblyjoe

    [re=579561]gurukalehuru[/re]: “a net gain”

    Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Arizona… I don’t think I’m missing one, so I dunno what you’re talking about: that sounds strictly win-win-win-win.

  32. qwerty42

    Oscar Had A Heap Of Apples
    sine θ = Opposite/Hypotenuse
    cosine θ = Adjacent/Hypotenuse
    tangent θ = Opposite/Adjacent

    cosecant θ = Hypotenuse/Opposite = 1/sin θ
    secant θ = Hypotenuse/Adjacent = 1/cos θ
    cotangent θ = Adjacent/Opposite = 1/tan θ

    I think this covers the relevant points. The proof is left as an exercise for the student.

  33. slappypaddy

    “Incidentally, the story exhibits the dependence of education upon national life, and the mischief wrought in the body politic when education is permitted to develop in a partisan atmosphere.”

  34. aflurry

    [re=579512]Pat Pending[/re]:

    Lee Harvey was a friend of mine
    He used to take me fishing all the time
    He used to throw the ball to me, when i was just a kid
    They say he shot the President, but I don’t think he did

  35. PalinsAfterbirth

    Couldn’t he have used a more useful example for Alabama students? Like say, the proper angle of approach, relative to the horizon, for mounting a farm animal and/or blood relation?

  36. 4tehlulz

    Thing is, since they believe that pi = 3, they would most likely miss, so for the sake of the president’s safety, let this type of lesson continue.

  37. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=579483]Katydid[/re]:
    [re=579500]ManchuCandidate[/re]:
    Mr. Chu is partially right. But in the end, it’s the conservation of energy that causes brains to splatter like a dropped pudding pop.

  38. Katydid

    Mr. Newell, ding ding ding, we have a winner!!! Banhammer querty42 for knowing cosecant, secant and cotangent, plz, and not being ashamed.

  39. qwerty42

    [re=579618]4tehlulz[/re]: …since they believe that pi = 3 …
    I believe that is the value used in the bible:

    2Chronicles 4:2 “Also he made a molten sea of ten cubits from brim to brim, round in compass, and five cubits the height thereof; and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about.”

    30/10 = 3 none of this irrational stuff …

  40. Words

    [re=579597]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Actually, and I haz a sad to say this, but it sounds @ right to me.

    [re=579616]PalinsAfterbirth[/re]: They usually use shooting a deer as an example; maybe he’s a PETA person.

  41. Cape Clod

    [re=579545]V572625694[/re]: No. I had a fat, nearsighted geometry teacher with a buzz cut named Thadeus Krok. He was too pitiful to work up need for vengence against him.

  42. BobTheBuilder

    Secant, tangent, cosine, sine
    3.14159
    Cube root, square root, BTU,
    Alabama: Fuck You!

  43. GOPCrusher

    Oddly enough, I don’t ever remember a geometry lesson that contained the term “send that socialist nigger to hell”.
    One of the benefits of a classical education.

  44. What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=579759]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Thanks, but it depends on who is sent to do the fucking. We have been fucked by some of the best. BP joins our corporate overlords like International Paper and Weyerhauser, and we are among the top in foreign-owned agricultural land. If you want to send someone like Miss USA, we might have a greater reason to accept the offer.

  45. guangho

    On the bright side, if Obama gets a second term, Alabama’s standardized test math scores are gonna shoot through the roof.

    And miss.

  46. Holden Caulfield

    They don’t give the name of the teacher, but the only male math teacher from this high school listed on ratemyteachers.com gets this lovely review: ” coach will jump up and down,spit in the trash can and talk redneck….”

    It might not be the same teacher, but it certainly says something ’bout the school.

  47. dinkybossetti

    Oh, this brings back memories. One of the history teachers at my high school was in similar trouble with the Secret Service after giving an extra credit assignment that involved figuring out a way to assassinate then President-elect Clinton as he made a stop in our town on his way to the White House.

  48. Needz moar guns

    .[re=579510]LittlePig[/re]: Was that in Canada? I got fired as a classroom volunteer because I let the kids put Lego guns on their Lego ships during the first Gulf War. My grandmother’s family name was Gunn. I could have had some fun with that.

  49. hotdog

    [re=579610]qwerty42[/re]: I don’t remember anything about Oscar having a heap of apples. The way I learned it 30+ years ago was “Oh Hell, Another Hour Of Algebra.”

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