About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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130 comments

  1. lochnessmonster

    I don’t get it. Does anyone think that Harper Collins really backs her projects or push them just for the money?

  2. ManchuCandidate

    It’s going to be 400 pages of:
    “All work and no shop makes Sarah a dull girl. Also.”

  3. chascates

    Didn’t she blame & trash everyone she ever met in her last book? In this one she can only criticize people she’s never met!

  4. keepinitrealyo

    I wonder if “By Heart” is a way of combatting that dopey notes-on-the-hand meme?

  5. edgydrifter

    Her reflections are: They’re a pain in the ass, it helps me fleece sheeple, and it helps me fleece sheeple also.

  6. bitchincamaro

    America By The Throat: Regurgitations On Your Families, Your Filth, And Your Fags, by SP.

  7. Beef Supreme

    When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no
    English and had no money in our pockets. Today, we own a nationwide
    chain of wheel-balancing centers. Where else but in America, or
    possibly Canada, could our family find such opportunity? That’s why,
    whenever I see the Stars and Stripes, I will always be reminded
    of that wonderful word: flag!

  8. SayItWithWookies

    And in stock market news, the English language (symbol:EN) just lost 25% of its value. Analysts noted that it would’ve lost even more had the market not already been closed for the day.

  9. charlesdegoal

    They may look alike, but are books and there are beurks. For example, “Infinite Jest” is a book, while “Going Rogue” is a beurk. With few exceptions, politicians and non-literary celebrities write (?) beurks, not books, which can only be written by actual authors. This distinction should be taught in school.

  10. Jim89048

    A post about $arah without a picture of her only assets? Perhaps there’s hope for us, after all.

  11. BarackMyWorld

    It will include “selections from classic and contemporary readings that have moved her,” according to HarperCollins, along with “the nation’s founding documents to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.”
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/11/sarah-palin-new-book-amer_n_572127.html

    Oh, come on now. Its just a bunch of reprinted shit with her face on the cover. That’s just fucking cheating.

  12. joezoo

    Predictions! Her next book title: “Just Sarah Bein’ Sarah!” Cover photo: SP in a flag-print jumpsuit, making a “who, me?” shrug. TV ads: to feature spinning fonts and timpani bounces prominently; possible inclusion of Yakety Sax.

  13. Jim89048

    [re=575175]Beef Supreme[/re]: You couldn’t have competed against Canadian Tire Co, so be thankful you opted to land where you did.

  14. Snarkalicious

    Son of a bitch. Last time this happened my girl almost left me for spending so much time working on my tomato arm. But then that stupid twat in Minneapolis had to jump the gun, making all my efforts wasted up to that point. Now I have to reconcile my family to the fact I’ll be spending the next several months hucking activated vibrators at lesser public figures to prepare for the Big Show. BACK OFF OLSON!!!1!

  15. weejee

    As the piece notes, $arah the snowgrifer skipped C’Addle on her last book flogging adventure. Maybe she’ll come ’round this time. She could do cheeky event at one of the sports venues and 70,000 could stand, turn around, drop our trousers and give her a 140,000 bun salute.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    [re=575180]BarackMyWorld[/re]: How do you put “all of them” in a book?

  17. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Sarah, you left out a few words in your alliterative string. Might I suggest:

    Flapjacks;
    Furriners;
    Fags;
    Fourierists;
    Fauves;
    Failures;
    Flibberteegidgets;

    and, of course, the obvious…
    Fucktards.

  18. Pop Socket

    Another book? I figured she had used up all the words she knows on the first one.

  19. Way Cool Larry

    Is there any more proof of SP’s pure griftiness than this “book” which is obvious a simple vehicle for removing people’s money from the wallets. Though I guess anyone who buys this thing deserves to be ripped off.

  20. bhosp

    [re=575180]BarackMyWorld[/re]: She’s learned a lot from The Master at Fox; that’s what Beck’s “Common Sense” was.

  21. bureaucrap

    Am I missing something here? Is this the SAME book as “Going Rouge”? Or the same as “My Pet Goat-Girl”? It’s one of the two, I know.

  22. Jerri

    Coming this fall from HarperCollins, a handsome new hardcover by Jerri perfect for gift-giving: America by Rote: Reflections on Banality, Cliché, and Eagle. Pre-order now!

  23. Sue

    [re=575180]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Yep, just like her “work” on her Real American Stories “show” on Fox. She’s not only stupid, she’s also lazy.

  24. Sue

    [re=575180]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Yep, much like the “work” she did for her Real American Stories “show” on Fox. She’s not only stupid, she’s lazy too. Also.

  25. coolcatdaddy

    [re=575180]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Oh, come on now. Its just a bunch of reprinted shit with her face on the cover. That’s just fucking cheating.

    I’m surprised she hasn’t made a deal with Reader’s Digest to do the same thing monthly.

  26. RobPetrified

    “if not the best. ”

    The best ghost writer she’s had so far?
    Or does this one have more pictures.
    Maybe a picture of the view of Russia from the cliffs of Wasilla?

  27. Johnny Zhivago

    If BP still needs trash to force into it’s wellhole by November, a million copies of this book might do the trick.

  28. llibra

    [re=575154]lochnessmonster[/re]: Why should Regnery make all the money off heartless, mindless illiterates buying books by heartless, mindless illiterates? With the money HC makes from Palin screeds, it can afford to publish even more real books.

  29. rocktonsammy

    A Trig, a knocked up teenager, an eight year old babysitter,a plane flying husband and Willow.

    How does our princess find the time.

  30. RobPetrified

    [re=575205]Bearbloke[/re]:
    Bible Spice.
    Scarier than “Scary Spice.”
    I love it.

  31. comicbookguy

    The best part, the book is in the shape of a hand, and the dust jacket has helpful phrases scrawled on the back, like “Tax cuts” and “Freedom”

  32. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=575165]Tommmcatt[/re]: Don’t worry, I’m sure she will just hire another apocalyptic right-wing fascist Christian to make stuff up for her again.

    [re=575188]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And the chances of her actually reading her own book are about the chances of her reading anything else.

  33. The Lucky Wife

    [re=575200]Sue[/re]: She may be stupid and lazy, but she knows how take money from the teabaggers, who are even stupider than she is. They will be the ones to buy this “book” like they did her first one.

  34. Bearbloke

    [re=575229]The Lucky Wife[/re]: Yes – unfortunately, Social Vampires like Mooseilini do have reflections…

  35. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=575168]LittlePig[/re]: I betcha that this book will be re-grifted alot this Christmas I betcha.

  36. the problem child

    This is what happens when you lock a hundred monkeys is a room without typewriters. They just fling poop around, and next thing you know, Mooselini’s new book.

  37. Rentboy.gov

    How long can this shameless fraud keep running this scam? Event successful grifters Jim and Tammy Faye eventually ran out of steam with this crowd

  38. Pete-O

    “America By Fart: Stealing other people’s work on Family, Faith and Flag”

    I guess it’s the literary version of her Fox infomercial: “Inspiring interviews I shamelessly hijacked”

  39. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=575180]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Well hell! What am I waiting for? I can control-V with the best of them. Of course, it will mostly be a collection of quotes from Terry Pratchet, Lindsay Davis, Jethro Tull and clips from the movies True Stories, Buckaroo Banzai, and anything by Bruce Campbell.

  40. Rotundo

    [re=575240]the problem child[/re]: Yup, like I said, select all, cut, paste, and a book is written. Though the pasting method with the monkeys is less random than Sarah doing so with Word. And the monkey poop will probably make more sense, so they would have to edit it to suit the intended audience.

  41. foulmouthed mrscreant

    FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!!!
    She’s going to ruin another holidy season of daytime talkshows that will be replayed endlessly on stupid “news” channels. Why does she hate the holidays?
    Oh yeah, and fuck you, John McCain, you fucking fuckhead.

  42. Old Redneck

    You guess she’ll have a chapter or two on how to raise daughters who don’t get knocked up at age 17?

    And will she have another chapter or two on how to raise daughters who won’t break into an empty house and trash it??
    http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/2010/03/law-willow-and-wicked-witch-of-wasilla.html

    And maybe she’ll have a couple of chapters on how not to raise a son who is such a pain in the ass that a local judge tells him to enlist in the Army or go to jail.
    http://newsgroups.derkeiler.com/Archive/Alt/alt.true-crime/2008-09/msg00493.html
    http://sarahpalintruthsquad.wordpress.com/2008/09/page/8/

    And, no doubt she’ll have a few chapters about how to identify witches by smell.
    http://maxblumenthal.com/2008/09/the-witch-fighter-anoints-palin/

  43. Oldskool

    I’m kinda looking forward to that last money grab, right before or maybe right after she has to admit she’s not running for presnit. I’d like to see her nekkid myself.

  44. BobTheBuilder

    So she’s not even writing the thing? It’s just “selections from” other authors “that have moved her”? The literary equivalent of the $100,000 Tea Party speech.

  45. thehelveticascenario

    Well, this’ll be another title that Palinites can not read then put on their bookshelf to make them feel like they’re literate. And I’m sure most of the material’s going to be from the public domain, for maximum moneytude. My suggestion: put in some HP Lovecraft; not like anyone’s going to read past the first few pages anyway.

  46. Accordion-o-rama

    Think of it this way – every dollar spent on this book is a dollar not spent on wack-job candidates in November.

  47. V572625694

    Snowbilly reflections

    Family: I sure got a big one! You try and fight off Todd every night he isn’t having meetings w/Gertie Van S!

    Faith: I believe in whatever parts of whatever religion I happen to have heard about in Sunday school from time to time, and that includes exorcism’n’stuff so long as it’s done for Jeebus.

    Flag: …mmmffmm…a flag is just a piece of cloth, and no one but a moran would confuse loyalty to one’s nation-state with “honors” granted to or “pledges” spoken toward a piece of fabric….What? Huh? Oh, must’ve been dozing, just woke up. I love the United States Old Glorious Flag! It’s so beautyfull! We should tinker with the Constitution to make burning it a crime because that is the greatest threat to our Flag. Don’t tred on me!

  48. WriteyWriterton

    “There’s a sucker [buying Snowbilly's books] every minute.” – PT Barnum. Also.

  49. Joshua Norton

    “Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag”

    Which all adds up to the 4th wingnut “F” word – Fascism.

  50. El Pinche

    The original title was :
    I Hate America and the Godless Niggers and Spics in It. Also Give Me Money. by Sarah Palin.

  51. Beck Licks Seer Stones

    “Flag.” Funny how these people demonize the other half of America who disagrees with them (that’s actually the majority on many issues) – outright declaring bad & perverse intent – then pretend they value the symbol that our country is united and love one another.

  52. comicbookguy

    Her next book is a heartwarming compilation of some favorite scenes from Gilligan’s Island, and the lessons she learned.

  53. timeoutofmind

    your country is dying, and the lingering part is taking too long. just take the gaspipe and vote her in for prez in 2012 already.

  54. Pilate

    I can’t wait for Sarah Palin And The Prisoner Of Azkaban.

    Midnight release party, anyone?

  55. ForTheTurnstiles

    How many sequels makes too many trips to the well for Princess Diamondbacker? (and you know she was a diamondbacker…)

  56. iburl

    Lovin’ Every Stitch: Reflections on Flag

    Flag. Even the very word makes me proud to be a Real American. The only thing better than the flag itself, is the bravery of other people’s children that we send to die to defend it. Little did Betsy Ross know the power of those 50 stars when she made the first flag. How could she have known that thanks to Reagan we would easily become Jesus’ favorite Global Superpower! When the ‘lamestream’ media says to burn the flag and to worship the flag’s sworn enemy, muslin, you just tell ‘em “No ma’am, islam!”

  57. Escape Goat Nation

    “It will include “selections from classic and contemporary readings that have moved her,” according to HarperCollins, along with “the nation’s founding documents to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.”

    Kind of like her Fox TV show, “Real American Stories” in which Sarah is filmed watching interviews on a monitor that other people did.

  58. Pilate

    [re=575311]iburl[/re]: “And that is why I like flag. The end. By Sarah, grade five.”

  59. George Oscar Bluth

    This book, much like the last one, will include selections that will move you… toward the bathroom!

    Now that’s Real American humor! Complete with exclamation marks so you know it’s good!

  60. knobwurst

    rocktonsammy says at 6:11 pm, May 11th, 2010
    “A Trig, a knocked up teenager, an eight year old babysitter,a plane flying husband and Willow.”
    Looks like a great setup for a joke to me. What’s the punchline?

  61. knobwurst

    This is the literary equivalent of her interview show on fox: introduce other people’s interviews of people who can’t stand her.

  62. ph7

    McCain married one millionairess, and accidentally created another. And he’s about to lose his primary. He’s might just check back into the Hanoi Hilton – it’s more bearable.

  63. Panquake

    I love the people who think she’ll actually run for President. Do you know what a president gets paid? And those financial disclosure forms? You fucking think she wants Levi to know how much the family’s worth? Nope, she’s going to throw as many turkeys in the buzzsaw as she can right now. Ten to one she’s on QVC hawking her bullshit in five years.

    Besides, she’s already achieved her goal of being on TV. Just not ESPN. Maybe she should insult black quarterbacks.

  64. Panquake

    [re=575334]ph7[/re]: If John McCain doesn’t have an “honorable exit” planned if he loses, I will be very surprised.

  65. Words

    This shit is why all the editors and art designers I know are out of work…. We’re knocking on the Enquirer’s door to see if they’re interested in a book/magazine.

    The dumbing-down of America has been almost completed by the Tea Heads…..

  66. SayItWithWookies

    Interestingly enough, it seems that Sarah wouldn’t even win Alaska if the election were held today. 48% said they wouldn’t vote for her. Another 25% said they would start to vote for her and then quit halfway through. Maybe courting the illiterate demographic at a time when everyone is going back to school wasn’t such a bright idea.

  67. Joshua Norton

    I wonder if her mindless blatherings about flags and families will include a chapter about how, as a family, they want Alaska to secede from the USA.

    Go ahead Sarah. ‘Splain that one, if you can.

  68. SayItWithWookies

    [re=575353]Words[/re]: Please tell me you were using the passive voice just to see if anyone was paying attention. Or else that you’re drunk.

  69. Words

    [re=575363]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Indeed, sir/maam. A little of both. I thought a wee bit of levity was needed? Ah, back to me cups.

  70. SayItWithWookies

    [re=575365]Words[/re]: Phew. I’ve just been watching a clip of Sarah Palin explaining that the Constitution says we should base our laws on the Bible, so I was worried my sense of irony had been permanently damaged. I should probably take something medicinal anyway, just to be on the safe side.

  71. SignalHill

    Can’t wait for Palin’s views on the effect of adding the crunchy gordita to Taco Bell’s menu. Beaver.

  72. user-of-owls

    I might actually consider buying it if she meant the “By Heart” bit in an Aztec-ian sense.

  73. Bearbloke

    [re=575343]Panquake[/re]: And just what caliber should his “honourable exit” use? An answer, Neilist?

  74. obfuscator

    [re=575366]SayItWithWookies[/re]: sarah is totally down with the bible’s stance on slavery, but i’m not sure what she’d say about christ’s views on empathy and compassion.

    and i’d bet my 3rd testicle that she knows less about the constitution than the average high school sophomore.

  75. obfuscator

    [re=575371]sezme[/re]: hairy pooter and the boondoggle bridge to nowhere, a pop-up epic for the lawn chair/fanny pack set.

  76. Radiotherapy

    [re=575366]SayItWithWookies[/re]: WhiskeyTangoFoxtwat! Sharia Sarah.
    You know what else? Why don’t we base our sanitation on holes in the backyard? And transporting ourselves through horse shit everywhere? And leeches for germ theory? Just like the original gangster founding fathers!!!!1!
    She is a fucking retard.

  77. Radiotherapy

    [re=575387]SayItWithWookies[/re]: She never says anything that makes sense. Her Quitter speech? Or that one in Hong Kong? “All of them.”
    BTW, Sharia Sarah looks more fucked up than Grace Slick at Woodstock. And what’s with the cheap reverb on her screech box?
    One more thing, maybe three of the ten commandments are still applicable/acceptable. 3 out of 10. Hey the bible is batting .300!

  78. lawrenceofthedesert

    Am I the only person who thinks she looks like Rocket J. Squirrel’s love child? The AP photo has to be a retouched cartoon.

  79. Lazy Media

    [re=575312]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: That actually sounds like it might be readable, if the ghost editor has any taste at all. Not something you’d buy, but the one book in your in-laws’ virtually bookless house that you might use as bedtime/bathroom reading. Basically, a hardcover Reader’s Digest.

  80. Lazy Media

    [re=575372]Bearbloke[/re]: Depends on whether he wants an open casket or not. If so, .17 HMR in the heart. If not, 12 gauge in the mouth. Remember, kids, you want to hit the midbrain, not the cortex, and definitely not the mostly blank space between the temples. You’ll just wind up severing an optic nerve or two and surviving. McCain’s old school, though, so I’m thinking he’d use a .45.

    Not that I really think he’d shoot himself; a couple weeks with the other cranky old retirees in Arizona and he’ll feel right at home. And he can get a Fox “analyst” gig that should pay enough to keep a pied-a-terre on Capitol Hill.

  81. gurukalehuru

    It will include “selections from classic and contemporary readings that have moved her,” according to HarperCollins, along with “the nation’s founding documents to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.”

    as BarackMyWorld said, that’s not a book. It’s a facebook entry.

  82. x111e7thst

    [re=575262]thehelveticascenario[/re]: My favorite Lovecraft quote:
    “Bunch together a group of people deliberately chosen for strong religious feelings, and you have a practical guarantee of dark morbidities expressed in crime, perversion, and insanity.”
    It would be great if that somehow made it into St Sarah’s new opus .

  83. Way Cool Larry

    [re=575265]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: unless she funnels the book munniez into her prez run… (shiver)

  84. Lazy Media

    [re=575407]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Eh, she’d screw that up in no time. Skim most of the money into her wardrobe/makeup/new car fund, and blow the rest on commercials produced by “Bristol’s PR agency,” aka Todd + MS Paint + iMovie. And I don’t care how many bulk-purchases Roger Ailes makes; that book’s not going to make its advance back.

    There are only two ways to mount a serious presidential bid. 1) Get the fat cats to back you, the way Shrub did. 2) Mount a netroots campaign, like Hopey or Ron Paul, which takes organizational skills and hard work. Sarah has no chance at either of those, and nobody is ever going to hand her a national campaign the way McCain did. She’s just Quayle in a dress.

  85. arewethereyet

    Bet they could put a new cover on the old “book” and the sheeple wouldn’t know the difference because they didn’t read it the first time either. hey! i may be on to something! also

  86. An Outhouse

    What’s next – a Sara Palin comic book and a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor?

  87. Panquake

    [re=575408]Lazy Media[/re]: No one ever jerked off to Photoshopped pictures of Quayle.

  88. Prommie

    You know who else led a movement based on propaganda about faith, families, and flags?

  89. Tundra Grifter

    [re=575180]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Remarkably similar, actually, to that ClusterFox “interview” show she filmed where the people weren’t actually interviewed by her.

    The Gov’Nor has become a parody of herself. And that is not healthy. You betcha!

  90. Tundra Grifter

    [re=575200]Sue[/re]: JINX on me – Sorry! I replied before reading all the way down. IOU a Coke!

  91. Lilybart

    [re=575182]Scarab[/re]: Well, Bristol is seeing some guy whose name I forget but he has boinked her before, and was caught doing it again. This might be her mystery “roommate” and she looked pretty porky at the recent event in NYC, so…..

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