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It all adds up to Win.PLEASE TAKE OUR QUICK SURVEY!: Help your Wonkette by taking this easy survey to let us know what you like and don’t like, what doesn’t work, what new stuff you require, etc. THANK YOU. UPDATE: God, who broke it? It is fixed. UPDATE II: That was awesome, 1,000+ response in twenty minutes or whatever, and that is our “sample size,” so all done for now. We may open it again next week for another couple hundred replies, maybe in the morning? [Wonkette Survey]

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122 COMMENTS

  1. Looks like a case of the “oh noes” re second page. The four-optioned (“What kind of stuff do you like to see”) is behaving as radio-buttons *vertically,* when the ratings relationship should be horizontally. I will do my best.

    Sorry for saying this, incidentally. How about that Meg McCain, huh?

  2. [re=551716]GIJoeIce[/re]: Seconding. Each category for pg. 2, Q. 1 is only allowed to be used once.

    Did you get the guys at FoxNews to fix this baby up, Miz Wonket?

  3. [re=551716]GIJoeIce[/re]: Ditto this. I just put one thing each in the three positive columns and nothing in the “Don’t Like” column because, hey, what’s not to like at Wonkette?

  4. whats with all the sexy time talk in the survey? geez post one pic from nytimes of teens on the beach and you’re all sex-crazed. communist pervs!

  5. As a proud citizen of the Union of Soviet Socialist BBQ Potato Chips, I did my duty to help feed patriotic baby kittens to bears!

    NAZI RUSSIAN BEARS!

  6. Oh and a general comment I should have put in my survey, but whatever. Please, please, please, please, please don’t let Wonkette turn into Fark.

    I know Drew might make lotsa $$$ (or not, actually I don’t know) but this place is way happier.

  7. Does the income question mean that you’ll be sending me money since I make so little?

    I forgot to add the suggestion: hows come you don’t have the womyns writers any more?

  8. I filled mine out!

    Will the offers for random rest area sexings start pouring in immediately or do we have to wait until the suggested site upgrades?

  9. needs moar “countries” and “states”. Or provinces, counties, etc.

    I will await the arrival of the black helicopters to take me to the FEMA re-education camp, on the lawn at work. Say, oh, 6-ish?

  10. [re=551744]Noonan[/re]: I read Fark and am a TF member, etc., but god knows how we would ever turn *this place* into that. It’s a submitted link site, right?

  11. That MOAR question/columns, what the hell. It didn’t even look like that in preview mode. ANYWAYS, it is apparently fixed, I see the “saved results” counter zooming, so thank you, and if it fucked up before, try again if you like.

    If something else is fucking up, well I guess we got our twenty dollars’ worth out of THAT webapp.

  12. Can I suggest a “win an interview or date with Liz” contest?

    My next suggestion is that I be the first winner of said contest.

  13. I filled it out, but I have one questions. Why did you need to know how many times I flush the toilet? So I used a sharpie on my monitor, where do I mail it to?

  14. My IQ is 36 and I qualify for lower car insurance!

    I bet a lot of survey takers got confused clicking on the “PREV” button, assuming it stood for “pervert”.

  15. [re=551748]Ken Layne[/re]: Oh, I love me some Fark, too. And you should, too, Ken; they link here often enough. That said the forums usually take 10 minutes before they get all flamey and wing-nutty. Worse than that is that commenters lack the panache of our Wonketteers, not to mention the charm and wit you all write in the posts.

    So yeah – Fark: Okay. Wonkette: Happiness on a stick on the internet.

  16. [re=551728]JMP[/re]: The survey my TruckNutz have unusually low Thetan levels. Thankfully if I just read Ken Layne’s novel and purchase some Wonkette auditing courses (butt sects), I’ll be clear in no time.

  17. [re=551724]WIDTAP[/re]: I suspect we who have had (oooh, past passive perfect) trouble with the survey may have our scripting block/security features turned on.

    This really is a trust issues test, isn’t it?

  18. DON’T FILL OUT THE SURVEY. IT’S A COMMIE PLOT TO SUBJUGATE WHITE PATRIOTIC GODFEARING MERIKANS. PELOSI/REID ARE BEHIND IT. THEY WILL TAKE YOUR GUNS AND SUVS. IT’S AN APPLICATION TO THE FEMA DEATH KAMPS.

    Actually, I cried after filling it out.

  19. My suggestion: Wonkette needs to tell us where older men can meet younger women, or younger men can meet older women. I need to find fashionable tack suits also.

  20. [re=551792]JMP[/re]: who cares! I met my gf on some dumb website for boy cougars or something called whatever whatever bang young chicks dot something.

  21. [re=551792]JMP[/re]: One of the things I love about this place is how the trolls/spammers become part of the culture. Hell, we still make Nadine jokes occasionally.

  22. Never, ever, ever, ever do that “skin”-style advertising again. Click anywhere on the page and end up on the Siemens site? I don’t even know what a Siemens is or why they were trying to sell me a windmill. I’m not really the windmill-buying type.

  23. [re=551783]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Same here – do NOT do threaded comments – you will confuse the hell out of everybody. See this article – written by a nerd but if you think about (maybe for a while) it makes perfect sense. (I put that in my survey comments too.)

  24. K. It’s closed now. I didn’t get to ‘spill my tea’ on the diabolical world slavery survey this time. You need a wonkette costumed character with a giant head like the logo lady. We will all then be able to see her on cspan getting autographs from various congresscritters and other assorted free criminals.

  25. [re=551805]pondscum[/re]: If Nadine were thinking more clearly, she would know that if the President signed on to the millennial goals of the Borgen project world hunger and poverty could instantly become a thing of the past, and all the children of the world would get their own unicorn ponies.

  26. I got to answer the first page and then was rudely told: “This survey is currently closed. Please contact the author of this survey for further assistance.” I guess you didn’t approve of my first few answers.

  27. I feel lame now since I was actually fairly earnest in my answers. Then again, I’m Canadian so my participation probably invalidates any useful insight our Editor/high priced data-analyst specialists can get from the results. Lose/Lose!

  28. Aw nutz, I forgot to add that I would like to see more animated flag gifs here and maybe a patriotic MIDI or two blasting at me whenever I open the page. Can you change the font to Comic Sans? Also?

  29. [re=551827]JMP[/re]: [re=551805]pondscum[/re]:

    I miss Nadine. She was so much more lucid and well-thought-out than Bachmann or Cindy McCain.

    And the Borgen project. My my, how time flies.

  30. Hey if anyone still cares , I would vote for a Pithaughn’s page like I have over at another fire breathing liberal website that is orange in color and is oh so hi brow. That way I can easily see who has replied to my insanely witty remarks and continue the discourse. There, sometimes, support the Vets!!

  31. [re=551851]Sharkey[/re]: I know! I take a few minutes to fap to the Bristol Palin abortion video, and I miss my chance to take the survey! DAMMIT!

  32. Fine. Close your little survey. So Wonkette does not care what Katydid likes. Well, Katydid does not care what Wonkette likes. When *Katydid* runs a survey, Wonkette is so *not* invited. grumble grumble grumble harumph harumph

  33. Anyways, I was only going to take your stupid survey because I felt sorry for you. Forget that, Wonkette. You are dead to me now. Good day. I SAID good day.

  34. A Children’s Treasury of Survey Answers please! Er, just results would be good too. Minus the demographics stuffs. And I don’t care about the weird twatting or social facebook business either. Oh, and no sexytimes cause that just gross. But I’d be interested in everything else. Thanks. Also.

  35. Well, I suck. I am too late. I guess I could fill out two census forms to make up for my loser status. Nah. Still would be a loser.

  36. Forgot to add this merch suggestion for the line of Wonkette themed sex-toys (because how many flaccid dongz can you sell?): “Bachmann Lifelike Vagina Masturbator – Cast From the Congresswoman’s Actual Genitals”. Then just fill a coffee can with some broken glass. There’s also the Palin “Drill Baby, Drill” strap-on, but believe it’s already being sold in Glenn Beck’s store.

  37. [re=551825]iburl[/re]: Say, that would be nice. Maybe she could be the mascot for the Washington Nationals, and we’d see her on teevee fighting the other mascots? hmmmmmm sounds just pervy enough to work.

  38. [re=551753]Ken Layne[/re]: So, Ken do you favor SAS, SPSS, Stata or R for the analysis of the results? Are you sure this is a random survey?

  39. [re=551982]qwerty42[/re]: Well, it was a convenience sample…and has a response bias.

    Which means the results could be reported on FOX news as hard science.

  40. Yeah, one other thing I forgot to mention when filling out the survey: Why does it take so freakin’ long for new comments to show up? What, you got three or four granny filters goin’ on there? Sheesh! I DEMAND to see my superb posts appear IMMEDIATELY.

  41. I could’ve taken it, but I didn’t because it doesn’t say so in the constitution and you’re just lucky I didn’t get out my wife’s rifle. If I had a wife. Also.

  42. I had to go to Hobo Re-education Camp today, so I missed all the electronic chaos. I would like to say I support Wonkette 1,000 percent, but I believe George McGovern ruined that particular endorsement for all time.

  43. Damn it….”work” and “life” got in the way of survey-taking. Can one of you lucky ones tell the rest of us what types of questions were on the survey? Or were you sworn to secrecy?

  44. Seriously, dudes (and you now, but for Arielle, are all “dudes”), I’m a daily reader, and you can’t just let the unemployed DAYTIME readers (no slight meant for the night shifters among them) dominate the whole “survey” thing. We long-hour guys need a chance to weigh in and tell you how to do your business, too!

  45. “This survey is currently closed.” It’s not a survey if it’s closed. It’s just a painful reminder, you bastards.

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