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The Tea Party Finder works for the iPad, tooBECAUSE THE FART APP ALONE CANNOT DEFEND FREEDOM: “Those who dismiss the Tea Party movement as a bunch of rednecks may be interested to know that the Tea Party Patriots now have a new iPhone app.” Indeed! Originally designed as a GPS device for locating Thomas Jefferson’s expertly hidden geocaches, “The Tea Party Finder” can also backwards-fax Scott Brown an annotated copy of the Articles of Confederation with a preface by Ayn Rand written in glitter-sharpie. It also lets you Chatroulette with random Tea Party Leaders and their respective dangly bits. [HuffPo]

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About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

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33 comments

  1. SayItWithWookies

    It’s a wonderful app — you input your location and it finds the nearest cluster of fat, illiterate angry bigots who tell you you should read the Constitution.

  2. norbizness

    Just send an e-mail to the dipshit listserv that claims that the government developed the application in conjunction with the CIA fillings in their head in order to track their lumber purchases.

  3. JMP

    Hey, according to the Teabagger leaders (is JennyBeth the scary old redhead with the giant breasts and no bra?), “the app [is] “very cool” and “state of the art.”” And certainly, finding addresses close to yours has got to be one of the most high-tech advances out there; why, it’s nothing that could simply be done with the regular old internet more than ten years ago.

  4. EdFlinstone

    Unfortunately for teabaggers, to use the app, you have to own an iphone and know how to operate one.

  5. Tommmcatt

    Feh. All that trouble when all you really need to do is keep an eye out for the white hoods.

  6. FMA

    I kept trying to download this teabagging ap, but every time I typed it in, it directed me to Eric Massa’s Web site.

  7. Jukesgrrl

    [re=527425]EdFlinstone[/re]: Why do teabaggers own phones of any type? Interesting how they support science and technology when it produces products they want to use, but not when it tells truths they don’t want to hear.

  8. Monsieur Grumpe

    Can anybody input a teabagger soiree? If so, this is an app ripe for abuse. The Larry Craig memorial restroom is the first place that comes to my mind.

  9. weejee

    Mein Gott, Intern Riley, sehr gut! vier Gewinner!!

    Ayn: Preface by Frau Rand mit glitter sharpie
    Swine: backwards fax Brownie Too
    Dry: TJ’s geocaches
    Fear: Chatroulette mit random UberTeabaggers

  10. queeraselvis v 2.0

    So it’s like match.com for morans, only new and improved with barely legible, nonsensical app names.

  11. bureaucrap

    Wouldn’t a proper tea party app be able to print out paper doilies and cucumber sandwiches? Or at least locate them as well? I should hope so.

  12. hoosiermama

    I don’t really care about a preface by Zombie Ayn Rand. You had me at glitter-sharpie, however.

  13. DustBowlBlues

    [re=527424]JMP[/re]: Or a reverse directory for, oh, the last 50 years or so. And you can find them at the library where Beck says the books are “free”.

    Young Riley: Kudos for the Articles of Confederation reference. I’m sure the teabaggers wouldn’t know the difference.

    Let’s trick a teabagger: Who’s known as the Father of the Constitution?

    How many Teabaggers would answer, “Thomas Jefferson”?

  14. EdFlinstone

    This is gonna be one tough decision for your average teabagger. Do they spend the money on the iphone and app, or seeds for the crisis garden(google it), more ammo or finish building the bunker?

  15. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=527469]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yup, except that it shorts out the nearer you get to RNC headquarters.

  16. comicbookguy

    There’s an app that shows the location of the nearest tea-bagging party? Someone needs to flag that for adult content.

  17. ManchuCandidate

    Ooooooh, an iPhone app. I think one could attract more disgruntled white fatties with a “Free Corn Dogs” sign on a lawn.

  18. american mutt

    Someone needs to make an iPhone App that texts “free truck nuts” to all Teabaggers.

  19. EdFlinstone

    [re=527590]davitydave[/re]: Ya know, today was the first time I’ve watched Beck’s show on Fox. So this was my introduction to the survival seeds for my crisis garden commercial. I could not believe what I was watching. They actually hyped up vegetables will be the ultimate barter goods. I guess for the Becktards, were headed for some post apocalyptic mad max world where we get things by trading tomatoes. But I shouldnt be shocked after seeing his doom scenario a few months back via the Colbert Report, filled with meth addict hillbillies running the streets and through ghost malls. The one sure sign we maybe headed for doom is that this tard has one of the highest rated shows on cable news.

  20. Holy Cow!!

    Wow! This will make it so much easier for the black helicopters to get us all to the FEMA camps.
    Hooray!

  21. Diana Davies

    [re=527443]chaste everywhere[/re]: It’s a small wonketteer world, isn’t it? Call me.

Comments are closed.