FREE DOWNLOADS  4:05 pm March 9, 2010

by Riley Waggaman

The Tea Party Finder works for the iPad, tooBECAUSE THE FART APP ALONE CANNOT DEFEND FREEDOM: “Those who dismiss the Tea Party movement as a bunch of rednecks may be interested to know that the Tea Party Patriots now have a new iPhone app.” Indeed! Originally designed as a GPS device for locating Thomas Jefferson’s expertly hidden geocaches, “The Tea Party Finder” can also backwards-fax Scott Brown an annotated copy of the Articles of Confederation with a preface by Ayn Rand written in glitter-sharpie. It also lets you Chatroulette with random Tea Party Leaders and their respective dangly bits. [HuffPo]

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SayItWithWookies March 9, 2010 at 4:14 pm

It’s a wonderful app — you input your location and it finds the nearest cluster of fat, illiterate angry bigots who tell you you should read the Constitution.

norbizness March 9, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Just send an e-mail to the dipshit listserv that claims that the government developed the application in conjunction with the CIA fillings in their head in order to track their lumber purchases.

GOPCrusher March 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Wha? Wait? This doesn’t appear to have anything to do with ball gargling.

Potater March 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

[re=527413]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ah sweet, a Dunkin Donuts locator!

JMP March 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Hey, according to the Teabagger leaders (is JennyBeth the scary old redhead with the giant breasts and no bra?), “the app [is] “very cool” and “state of the art.”” And certainly, finding addresses close to yours has got to be one of the most high-tech advances out there; why, it’s nothing that could simply be done with the regular old internet more than ten years ago.

EdFlinstone March 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Unfortunately for teabaggers, to use the app, you have to own an iphone and know how to operate one.

Tommmcatt March 9, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Feh. All that trouble when all you really need to do is keep an eye out for the white hoods.

Monsieur Grumpe March 9, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Suck on that android users.

Mr Blifil March 9, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Hah hah, they’re now iPad apps, so suck my ballz.

FMA March 9, 2010 at 4:28 pm

I kept trying to download this teabagging ap, but every time I typed it in, it directed me to Eric Massa’s Web site.

Jukesgrrl March 9, 2010 at 4:28 pm

[re=527425]EdFlinstone[/re]: Why do teabaggers own phones of any type? Interesting how they support science and technology when it produces products they want to use, but not when it tells truths they don’t want to hear.

Monsieur Grumpe March 9, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Can anybody input a teabagger soiree? If so, this is an app ripe for abuse. The Larry Craig memorial restroom is the first place that comes to my mind.

Diana Davies March 9, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Hey, how do you think I met last night’s boyfriend?

el_chupacabra March 9, 2010 at 4:33 pm

I thought this app was called Grindr.

weejee March 9, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Mein Gott, Intern Riley, sehr gut! vier Gewinner!!

Ayn: Preface by Frau Rand mit glitter sharpie
Swine: backwards fax Brownie Too
Dry: TJ’s geocaches
Fear: Chatroulette mit random UberTeabaggers

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 9, 2010 at 4:35 pm

So it’s like for morans, only new and improved with barely legible, nonsensical app names.

chaste everywhere March 9, 2010 at 4:35 pm

[re=527437]Diana Davies[/re]: That was YOU?

bureaucrap March 9, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Wouldn’t a proper tea party app be able to print out paper doilies and cucumber sandwiches? Or at least locate them as well? I should hope so.

JMP March 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

[re=527437]Diana Davies[/re]: You met with a teabagger? Eww.

hoosiermama March 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

I don’t really care about a preface by Zombie Ayn Rand. You had me at glitter-sharpie, however.

Lionel Hutz Esq. March 9, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Surely there was a gaydar app before this?

DustBowlBlues March 9, 2010 at 4:51 pm

[re=527424]JMP[/re]: Or a reverse directory for, oh, the last 50 years or so. And you can find them at the library where Beck says the books are “free”.

Young Riley: Kudos for the Articles of Confederation reference. I’m sure the teabaggers wouldn’t know the difference.

Let’s trick a teabagger: Who’s known as the Father of the Constitution?

How many Teabaggers would answer, “Thomas Jefferson”?

EdFlinstone March 9, 2010 at 4:53 pm

This is gonna be one tough decision for your average teabagger. Do they spend the money on the iphone and app, or seeds for the crisis garden(google it), more ammo or finish building the bunker?

MOG March 9, 2010 at 5:06 pm

This is NOT what Steven Jobs had in mind.

queeraselvis v 2.0 March 9, 2010 at 5:13 pm

[re=527469]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yup, except that it shorts out the nearer you get to RNC headquarters.

comicbookguy March 9, 2010 at 5:21 pm

There’s an app that shows the location of the nearest tea-bagging party? Someone needs to flag that for adult content.

ManchuCandidate March 9, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Ooooooh, an iPhone app. I think one could attract more disgruntled white fatties with a “Free Corn Dogs” sign on a lawn.

american mutt March 9, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Someone needs to make an iPhone App that texts “free truck nuts” to all Teabaggers.

davitydave March 9, 2010 at 6:50 pm

[re=527479]EdFlinstone[/re]: For the delusional gardener in your life!

EdFlinstone March 9, 2010 at 7:22 pm

[re=527590]davitydave[/re]: Ya know, today was the first time I’ve watched Beck’s show on Fox. So this was my introduction to the survival seeds for my crisis garden commercial. I could not believe what I was watching. They actually hyped up vegetables will be the ultimate barter goods. I guess for the Becktards, were headed for some post apocalyptic mad max world where we get things by trading tomatoes. But I shouldnt be shocked after seeing his doom scenario a few months back via the Colbert Report, filled with meth addict hillbillies running the streets and through ghost malls. The one sure sign we maybe headed for doom is that this tard has one of the highest rated shows on cable news.

Holy Cow!! March 9, 2010 at 8:26 pm

Wow! This will make it so much easier for the black helicopters to get us all to the FEMA camps.

Diana Davies March 9, 2010 at 9:44 pm

[re=527443]chaste everywhere[/re]: It’s a small wonketteer world, isn’t it? Call me.

lawrenceofthedesert March 9, 2010 at 9:46 pm

It’s state of the art, but the art is fingerpainting.

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