• LATEST SOCIOPATHIC WAR-LOVING DEATH MONSTER GETS WEEKLY WASHINGTON POST COLUMN: The only “big name” missing from today’s sunny Washington Post op-ed roster, regrettably, was occasional contributor Marc Thiessen, a former Bush speechwriter (just like Gerson, hey-o!) who absolutely loves torturing minorities, calling the president a traitor, and composing one of the most demented paragraphs your editor has ever read in a major city newspaper. Well here we go: this afternoon, the Post offered him an official weekly column, and he accepted. CHA-CHING! It’ll be steaks tonight, boys! [The Corner]
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  1. This is good news for you in a way, Newell. Think of the material he’ll hand you!

    On the other hand, think of the material you’ll have in your hands…

  2. Thanks, Post! Now my hometown paper won’t be the only one with an actual war criminal as a regular contributor. (It’s the Philadelphia Inquirer and John Yoo).

  3. Missing from your recent overview of the wasteland that is today’s Washington Post opinions parade was the worstest – Robert J. Samuelson. Everybody overlooks him because he resides, somehow, in the business “section” but his opinions are somewhere to the right of George Will and always always stealtily critical of the left’s conventional wisdom. Oh, like today he woke up and noticed the government is running a deficit. Shocking! Where the H**l was he for the last decade or so?

    He should be up against the wall, right between Krauthhamer and Kristol, when the revolution finally comes.

  4. [re=512469]snideinplainsight[/re]: Samuelson. He also does not like trains or working class people getting tax relief. THOSE IDEAS ARE DOWNRIGHT SILLY!

  5. Last time I threatened to cancel the Post because of shit like this, they said please don’t, we’ll give you a discount, only $1 per week. So I said OK.

    So now what do I do–ask them to pay ME to take it?

  6. [re=512473]Jim Newell[/re]: What Samuelson really doesn’t like is working class (i.e. brown) people zooming by him on mass transit while his E-class is stuck in traffic on the freeway. It’s even worse when said brown person is his “cleaning lady.” This is why the only public transportation that gets built (outside of DC, where they can stick the rest of the country with the bill) is the rail line to the airport, where white people want to go. Because light rail is socialism, but 18-lane freeways are necessary function of government, like distributing pork.

  7. [re=512467]Tommmcatt[/re]: I’m finally learning to just not read this crap. Hence the lack of long-form columnist-trashing insanity posts recently. It’s the only way to keep my sanity in this third year of daily Wonkette typing. Better to just take a screenshot of columnist teasers, call them all fuckwads, and be done with it in less than 100 words. Ulcers and high blood pressure stemming from getting angry at meaningless old hacks all day is no way to spend your mid-20s, or however old I am these days.

  8. Jim, can we expect that, by October, Wonkette will be nothing but screenshots and the phrase “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGHH!!!!” posted underneath? Because that will save me a lot of time, honestly.

  9. Thiessen also slammed Christianne Amanpour when she likened the CIA’s torture to what the Khmer Rouge did to their prisoners — his argument was that since the CIA was pouring water on prisoners’ faces and the KR were shoving their heads into barrels of water that the two were completely different, thus Amanpour is a slanderous, hysterical liar. Really — watch (and sorry, RedState had most of the clip)

  10. [re=512507]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    Oh no, you will not get me to click that link. Red State is the political version of Two Girls, One Cup. And I already know that I can’t get through a whole post without throwing up, so there’s no point, really.

  11. Well studies have conclusively proven that the best way to get an uptight date to relax is to rape her, so why wouldn’t this work on terrorists?

  12. [re=512513]Tommmcatt[/re]: Well then save it for tomorrow when you’re viciously hung over and need a good solid chuck to get you through the morning.

  13. [re=512500]Jim Newell[/re]: Yeah, but don’t get too slack on the line. Douthat is about 3 weeks from referring to you as ‘my good and close friend, Jimbo’ in print.

  14. Wasn’t this guy on every show getting cockslapped by every host (Lawrence Odonnell) this week? What was WaPO thinking ,”now there’s a failure, is he available?”

  15. The ONLY people that make the WaPo’s website worth visiting: Tom Toles and Ann Telnaes. Both of whom are political cartoonists, but that’s OK because it seems only thing to take seriously about the Post now are the cartoons…

  16. [re=512479]EdFlinstone[/re]: Im still in awe that Broder’s Palin column excaped the wrath of wonkette. It was a masterpiece of cluelessness.

    You can only kick a fucking retard so many times, before it stops being fun anymore.

  17. [re=512549]Allyson[/re]: Tom Toles is THE SHIT! (I totes mean that in the best possible way.) He hauls the mail!

    (Sad though that they stole him from Buffalo.)

  18. [re=512592]Flanders[/re]: Ulcers and high blood pressure stemming from getting angry at meaningless old hacks all day is no way to spend your mid-20s

    When you think about it, it seems a no-brainer.

    Personally, when I was in my 20’s, I had a fun, low-level job in broadcasting, played in a lot rock bands, got drunk and high a lot, and got laid often enough to not go static.

    May I emphatically state that there’s no way in hell I’d trade those years for what Jim’s doing here, despite the snarktastic glory and adulation of the thunderous Wonketting masses.

  19. Ugggh, I just saw this guy on the computer/television contraption I got going over here and straight up, this boy is secretly yearning to torture a large, salty bag of woolly rat dicks. He’d be on them things like a rabid weasel on a cheese doodle.

  20. [re=512596]Autoo[/re]: Things were definitely better before the Internet, because you didn’t have to pay attention to the Internet, which you still don’t need to do. Also, and also.

    I used to read books, lots of books, a mere several years ago.

    I’m on the brink of going Luddite. LET’S HAVE FUN UNTIL THEN WOOHOO!

  21. From Wiki:
    “Marc A. Thiessen (born 1967) is an American author and journalist, who served as a speechwriter for the United States President George W. Bush (2004-2009) and Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld (2001–2004). Previously, Thiessen was a spokesman and senior policy advisor to Senator Jesse Helms (1995–2001). He is currently a visiting fellow at the Hoover Institution.
    Thiessen is the author of Courting Disaster: How the CIA Kept America Safe and How Barack Obama Is Inviting the Next Attack published by Regnery Publishing in January 2010. The book is endorsed by the former Vice President Dick Cheney, former Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld, and former Attorney General Michael Mukasey

    Re the above, Marc-Marc is definitely qualified to write about supremacy of Euro-American Whitey in winter sports, assuming no demitasse Canucks or tehm devil-eye Asians get a medal in Vancouver. Or dusky Islamo Armenians either. Or Hispos, also.

    Should they medal, Thiessen can hand-off to al-Amanpour to send four column inches to WaPo under his byline.
    – 30 –

  22. Look, it makes perfect sense. The Washington Times has a cowardly neo-con douchebag who went to Vassar on its payroll. The Washington Post had to have a cowardly neo-con douchebag who went to Vassar on its payroll in order to avoid a dangerous cowardly neo-con douchebag gap.

  23. The Post is getting desperate and awful in terms of its news and idiotorials. I do enjoy the food section and Gene Weingarten and I am looking forward to the annual Peeps diorama contest.

  24. [re=512469]snideinplainsight[/re]: And of course Samuelson is NOT an economist, he just trades on the famous name.

    This Thiessen douchebag not only wrote speeches for Bush, before that he wrote for Rumsfeld.

    The right wing op-ed page is why I canceled my subscription to the Post a year ago, and those assholes keep mailing me offers to sign up again. Thanks but, ah, no thanks!

  25. I used to give the Washington Post (and the NYTimes) the benefit of the doubt and assumed these fuckwad hiring decisions were because Cheney was still blackmailing them with incriminating tapes from his domestic spying program. Now I just think they’re ball-less dipshits. Fuck ’em.

  26. [re=512603]WadISay[/re]: My favorite Mallard Fillmore cartoons are the ones where he whines (in his traditionally starchy, defensive and unfunny way) about affirmative action. The total lack of self awareness involved is so extreme it becomes a thing of comic beauty itself.

  27. Why are we surprised at WaPo’s newest radico-syndicalist hack? The only reason WaPo didn’t hire Martin Bormann is because he’s dead. But, WaPo scouts are even now looking for his heirs….

  28. [re=512796]Darkness[/re]: I like the Sunday NYT and would probably get a subscription if I didn’t think I’d end up spending a couple of hours reading it every day (gotta go to work). If I lived in the District or its suburbs, the addition of an another torture-loving sociopath to WaPo’s “staff” would be too much: I’d read the Windy and get the NYT for my newsprint fix. Is the WaPo’s management without even shreds of decency or integrity? Does this depraved vision of foreign and domestic policy really sell?

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