ohio state will be furious!

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You know, like, uh, college!OBAMA WILL INDOCTRINATE YOUTHS AT THESE COLLEGES: Alan Keyes, put those bloody fetus toys back in the stroller — we’re going to the U of Michigan! And “Hampton”! These are the two lucky colleges that will host Barack Obama as commencement speaker this year. Unfortunately, neither of them are papist or god-y, so there won’t be any “Notre Dame fireworks.” At least not at Michigan. Who knows what this Hampton thing is? Muslin, probably. [AP]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • SayItWithWookies

    Al-Hampton is one of those traditionally Muslin colleges. And the oppression of Jesus continues.

  • thejesusandmarycheney

    Hampton is actually Sikh-Montessori.

  • V572625694

    Hampton U is an historically black college in Hampton VA, near Norfolk. Very leet in the old days, one is told.

  • Doglessliberal

    ahh, Hampton is here in Ole Virginny and a historically Negro school, so you know… clearly muslin.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=512025]V572625694[/re]: Norfolk, pron. “no-fuck”. Seriously, in the local accent. Like Fauquier County, which is “fuck-eer”. A lot of repressed Virginians letting it out in these sneaky ways.

  • DickTaterPeeNoShay

    Hampton University founded 1868, named for Lionel Hampton(b. 1908), jazz great, Catholic then Jew then Christian Scientist. Probably this is true, maybe.

  • Jim Newell

    [re=512025]V572625694[/re]: [re=512026]Doglessliberal[/re]: Uh oh. Well now I am a racist.

  • Barcode of the Apocalypse

    [re=512030]Jim Newell[/re]: Jim, today we are all Racists.
    (Tomorrow, too, and so forth.)

  • thejesusandmarycheney

    [re=512027]Doglessliberal[/re]: The first time I drove through Fauquier County I could not stop giggling.

    “Hee hee! Fauquier County! And the horse it rode in on!”

  • eekahil

    “Hampton” is Cockney Rhyming Slang.

    “Hampton” is short for “Hampton Wick” (a London Suburb)

    Which means “prick” or “dick”.

    Short ex: Why don’t you just suck my Hampton, you Berk!
    Long ex : Why don’t you just suck my Hampton Wick, you Berkshire Hunt!

  • JMP

    [re=512030]Jim Newell[/re]: Don’t worry; the only historically black college I can ever remember is Hillman. Shat, I’m a racist too.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=512030]Jim Newell[/re]: nah, just a moran who doesn’t know how to use Teh Googlez. It’s OK. We still love you.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    For any of you youngsters out there, a University is only as good as it’s Football Team. Take my advice when you are ready to consider an institute of higher learning.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=512048]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: gotta love this Commonwealth. Well, actually you don’t for a lot of reasons. But for now, I live here. (and I am in Commie Pinko Alexandria, anyway).

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=512050]JMP[/re]: that’s actually pretty good since everyone usually names Morehouse or Howard.

  • Toomush Infermashun

    This would be a good place for Obama to announce the social service draft…like Kennedy with the Peace Corps unveiling at the U of M…. Just sayin’….nobody got no jobs anyheinie….

  • V572625694

    [re=512030]Jim Newell[/re]: [re=512045]Barcode of the Apocalypse[/re]: I know I’m a racist for saying it, but driving around the Hampton U campus one sees many awesomely beautilicious mocha-skinned girls, like unto the one who’s on MSNBC in the AM.

  • JMP

    [re=512064]Doglessliberal[/re]: Yeah, but those actually existed; it’s not that good to remember TV more than history.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=512095]JMP[/re]: In today’s world, reality is what we say it is, at least if we are Republican politicians or Fox news people, so you are right with the trend.

  • SwanSwanH

    [re=512062]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Then Barry should be going to Grambling instead.

    (Oh, and Fuck Michigan. Sorry, but it needs to be said.)

  • sanantonerose

    Obama says community colleges are our most vital higher education resource, but he never calls. Can’t even be bothered to send flowers.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=512120]SwanSwanH[/re]: “Fuck Michigan”. The school, the state, the football team, or the whole shebang? Please clarify.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    I went to Central South South Western Michigan State at East Leroy and a President has never spoken there.

  • Zadig

    [re=512079]V572625694[/re]: This sort of thing is my jam.

  • Darkness

    Oh, this will be fun. The arm raising Hail Hail (heil heil?) thing will be a good test for him. I was there for Hillary’s wtf moment over that. She did join in on the second round.

  • McDuff

    “Ohio State Will Be Furious!”

    Yes, THEE Ohio State University will be furious, especially considering that the Cesspool of the West had a losing season this year. What’d gotta do to get the President’s attention around here anyway? Maybe OSU should drop kick the job bills back into committee, chop block a hundred nominees, or throw Rahm for a loss for saying “retard” in a private meeting.

  • pondscum

    [re=512120]SwanSwanH[/re]: OSU grad?