IT'S THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHO WILL WIN  5:20 pm February 3, 2010

by Jim Newell

Mo' moneyOMG OMG OMG OMG OMG: It’s that once-in-a-decade reason to visit Arkansas! “Tomorrow night, [Harold Ford Jr.]’s due to square off against Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele at the University of Arkansas in Little Rock – a political death match entitled, ‘Left, Right, and Forward: On the Future of America.’” YouTube: you’ve got a lot of pressure for this one. Also, each of them is being paid tens of thousands of dollars to appear. [NYDN]

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EdFlinstone February 3, 2010 at 5:23 pm

So Harold is representing the left? What was Hannity unavailable.

Snarkalicious February 3, 2010 at 5:23 pm

It’s Tom and Tom! The Brothers brothers!

Jukesgrrl February 3, 2010 at 5:24 pm

C-SPAN, pleeeeze! Our freedumb depends on this.

bfstevie February 3, 2010 at 5:25 pm

If they did a nightclub act together where they sawed people in half and made stuff disappear it could be a reality TV show called “Here Come the Magic Negroes”. NBC would give them a 13 show deal.

Minnie Mean February 3, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Who will represent the “Forward” in this disgusting display?

JadedDIssonance February 3, 2010 at 5:28 pm

Let’s forget about the fact that they’re both black “republicans” for a moment. It’s still not a “political death match” when you agree on everything.

Tommmcatt February 3, 2010 at 5:29 pm

So who are they getting to speak for “left” and “forward”?

SayItWithWookies February 3, 2010 at 5:32 pm

“As prominent leaders representing both sides of the political spectrum, Harold Ford Jr. and Michael Steele will engage the audience in the most hot-button issues that will shape our nation’s future,” Dr. Jan Austin, director of UALR’s Office of Campus Life, said in a statement.

Right — representing the red end of the spectrum, Red. And representing the violet end of the spectrum, Orange.

JMP February 3, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Why does this remind me of Spike Lee’s “Bamboozled”?

drpangloss February 3, 2010 at 5:34 pm

No no no Harold is going to be standing to Steeles left and both are going to be facing coward.

BeWoot February 3, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Did Harold Ford win American Idol or something? Jesus, suddenly he’s everywhere.

A little more than half of Arkansas, by the way, is quite beautiful, very scenic. On the other hand, it’s also the state where I saw a business named — and I’m not making this up — Pud’s Beauty Salon.

Snarkalicious February 3, 2010 at 5:35 pm

[re=507132]Tommmcatt[/re]: Alan Keyes.

avatard February 3, 2010 at 5:42 pm

[re=507141]BeWoot[/re]: Good one, but Arkansas doesn’t have a monopoly on hick business names. In Minnesota I once saw a gas station called ‘Pump ‘N Munch’.

JadedDIssonance February 3, 2010 at 5:42 pm

[re=507142]Snarkalicious[/re]: Clarence Thomas will be moderating, I believe.

bitchincamaro February 3, 2010 at 5:47 pm

Will Ford take Steele’s bait and slip into a “black dialect”? Be there!

Crank Tango February 3, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Thank god Ford will be able to make a little cash at least.

LittlePig February 3, 2010 at 6:05 pm

That’s less than two miles from my house…but still farther than I’d care to go to see that train wreck.

AnnieGetYourFun February 3, 2010 at 6:06 pm

[re=507148]avatard[/re]: That is awesome on many levels.

Allyson February 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm

Left will be represented by the audience, as in it will be interesting to see if anyone is left by the end of this program.
Forward will be represented by the audience, who will head in that direction for the exits once they realize just how boring this gathering will be.

Jim Newell February 3, 2010 at 6:10 pm

[re=507163]Crank Tango[/re]: Yeah, hopefully he’ll be able to get a few loaves of bread, some clean water.

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 6:12 pm

“Tard, meet Retard. Retard, this is Tard.

Now, let’s review the rules, er, rule: Whichever one of you finishes your paste first will be declared the winner of this stupid fucking debate. Simple as that, okay?

Any questions? Retard? How ’bout you, Tard? No? Alright then, let’s do this!

On your mark…get set…annnd we appear to have ourselves a tie!”

Judas Peckerwood February 3, 2010 at 6:14 pm

“Right, Right, and Right: Why We Are So Fucked”

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 6:15 pm

[re=507142]Snarkalicious[/re]: [re=507132]Tommmcatt[/re]: Actually, Alan Keyes will be speaking for “left” and “behind”.

Tommmcatt February 3, 2010 at 6:23 pm


For the win.

Alan Keyes is automatically hilarious, though, so it may not have been a fair competition.

S.Luggo February 3, 2010 at 6:23 pm

1. UA at Little Rock focuses on eductating foreigners and women.
And fatties:

2. Its colors are Maroon and Black. Palin has filed a protest.

And Pimpy O’Keefe, also.

Accordion-o-rama February 3, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Let’s hope for Dick Swett.

Long Form Def Certificate February 3, 2010 at 6:27 pm

It’s going to get awkward when Julia Allison shows up with her new boyfriend, Bears QB Jay Cutler.

(Would love this to happen. A third evidence of the falsity of the “once thou goest black, thou does not goeth back”. Barack’s mom (Indonesian AFTER black), Katy Perry (Russell Brand AFTER the mulatto singer from Gym Class Heroes),… Julia Allison? Yes, please.)

Oldskool February 3, 2010 at 6:44 pm

“Left, Right, and Forward” sounds like an ROTC drill team. Might be worth catching.

memzilla February 3, 2010 at 6:56 pm

The Spittle Hock in Little Rock!
Michael “Da Loogie” Steele vs. Harold “Mucusboy” Ford!
Expect congestion in the area.

Texan Bulldoggette February 3, 2010 at 6:58 pm

Yeah, but which one will be most offended when the first Arkie calls him ‘boy’ & asks him to shine his shoes?

guey de gueyes February 3, 2010 at 7:11 pm

[re=507227]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: And Texas is the capital of the progressive union, huh?

Texan Bulldoggette February 3, 2010 at 7:11 pm

[re=507235]guey de gueyes[/re]: Ever been to Austin? I think not.

Advocatus_Diaboli February 3, 2010 at 7:14 pm

Uncle Tom vs Aunt Tom

Studebaker Hoch February 3, 2010 at 7:17 pm

Which one is Amos , and which one is Andy ? And when does the minstrel show start?

GreyPanter February 3, 2010 at 8:15 pm

[re=507235]guey de gueyes[/re]: In the 2008 presidential election, Obama had a bigger win percentage-wise in Austin than he did in New Jersey; and Dallas and Houston went for Obama.

Potater February 3, 2010 at 8:23 pm

Oh, awesome, they brought the Gumbles back!

magic titty February 3, 2010 at 8:26 pm

[re=507197]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Here here!

zhubajie February 3, 2010 at 8:26 pm

How much will they pay me to stay away?

zhubajie February 3, 2010 at 8:38 pm

So how much would they pay for me to stay away?

hunter.blatherer February 3, 2010 at 8:40 pm

[re=507142]Snarkalicious[/re]: I heard that Alan Keyes will file a formal protest with the RNC and get in there somehow.

rocktonsammy February 3, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Mothers, lock up your daughters!!

Minnie Mean February 3, 2010 at 9:14 pm

[re=507148]avatard[/re]: YAY! I have been to the Pump N Munch!

glamourdammerung February 3, 2010 at 9:20 pm

Every points for the first one to shine about loving shortening bread.

thesheriffisnear February 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Keeping with a Black History Month theme: Its like WEB DuBois and Booker T. Washington all over again. Of course Steele makes Booker T. look like Nat Turner*. Oh Yeah, I know Ford is not nearly as distinguished as Dubois but, like Dubois, he is very light skinned-ed.


new complexnegro February 4, 2010 at 2:17 am

Two Negro opportunists square off! Uncle tom would be proud!

cheaphits February 4, 2010 at 5:03 am

“Pud’s Beauty Salon” and “Pump N’ Munch” are good, but meh fav malaprop is in Washington D.C. – it’s called “The House of Representives” – I hear it’s actually a front for a bunch of corrupt banks, insurance scams and multinationals..if I remember right Mr. Ford worked there a while back.

el donaldo February 4, 2010 at 8:58 am

What, a Smothers Brothers reunion? Now which one has the mustache?

anonymousryan February 4, 2010 at 9:49 am

Is this some kind of really lame rap battle?

Manos: Hands of Fate February 4, 2010 at 10:55 am

It will be just like the Lincoln-Douglas debates. Except not insightful, interesting or informed.

PlanetWingnuta February 4, 2010 at 1:08 pm

This so isn’t gonna be a reunion of Richard Roundtree and Moses Gunn is it?

vladster February 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm

I knew Steele was a minstral.

bamaboy February 4, 2010 at 2:57 pm

[re=507141]BeWoot[/re]: My favorite is Louisiana bait stand called “Minnow Pause”.

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