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The stirring coverBARACK OBAMA NOW JUST ANOTHER CRAPPY NEWSWEEK WRITER: In his latest wacky P.R. move, insane Newsweek editor Jon Meacham has hired an impoverished freelancer named Barack Obama, the president of America, to write his next cover story. It will be about Haiti, and we’re guessing that Barack Obama will not have enough time in his next couple of days to research and write an entire magazine cover story by himself. Good luck, Jon Favreau! [WSJ]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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20 comments

  1. Snarkalicious

    OK, seriously? Barry? Newsweek? If it were The Economist, perhaps I could view this as something other than masturbation. You have bigger megaphones available. Farm it out to Jimmy Carter and get the fuck back to work.

    In other news, little known internet blog commenter Snarkalicious is reportedly making plans to buy a copy of that issue of Newsweek, making his previous statements on the matter, quote, ‘a little douchetastic’.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    “Great, Mr. Obama — we appreciate you doing this on such short notice. Oh, and we do have a few editorial guidelines, if you don’t mind. First, could you keep it to about 500 words? Our readers skim a lot, and we’ve got a huuuuge crying baby pic we’d like to stick on there. Also, if you could work in a celebrity quote, that would be great — preferably James Cameron or someone with a promotion tie-in. And a Super Bowl mention would be great, too — always current this time of year. And keep the vocabulary kinda light — what? ‘Infrastructure?’ Uh, maybe use something simpler — like huts. Awesome — I’ll look for it in an hour.”

  3. V572625694

    The WaPo stench of fear-of-failure is wafting over to Newsweek. Both of them are employing unpaid, non-professional journalistical wannabe persons to fill the yawning canyons of white space between the wristwatch ads. O, Barry, you’re better than this! Did the Narrow Gauge and Short Line Gazette send you a rejection slip?

  4. Hooray For Anything

    Nicely played, Obama– you cleverly managed to “convince” Newsweek into letting you write a cover story on “Haiti” when we all know it’s just one further attempt to indoctrinate us. We all know that by writing in support of aid to “Haiti” we all know you mean giving government money to poor black people.

  5. Sharkey

    Dear Newsweek,

    Please cancel my subscription immediately. I do not want anything written by a black person in my mailbox.

    I said “immediately”!

    Eff you, too.

    Sincerely,
    SharkeyInfestedWaters

  6. proudgrampa

    [re=495062]Snarkalicious[/re]: Thank you. I’m concerned that our president is spending too much time pleasing the press with shit like this. I agree: Mr President, get your ass back to work!!!

  7. Snarkalicious

    [re=495083]proudgrampa[/re]: Or down to Haiti. You want to send a message to the world? I mean, real, hardcore, game changing shit? Go spend a day to help bury the dead with your own hands and sweat.

    After that, I would guess, nobody this side for Free Republic would argue with a word he says for at least 6 months.

  8. Hooray For Anything

    [re=495083]proudgrampa[/re]: You should know by now that if Obama actually “did work” instead of appearing in the media all the time to talk about Haiti, the press will go to after him, spend hours debating “Where’s Obama?” and then declare that his handling of Haiti is good news for Republicans.

    So he has to do all this.

    Of course, after appearing in the magazine and giving more statements about Haiti, sometime next week the press will go after him, spend hours debating “Is Obama spending too much time on Haiti?” and then declare that his handling of Haiti is good news for Republicans.

  9. BlueStateLibtard

    And whatever goodwill and good ideas he puts into his column about Haiti will be immediately cancelled out by some stupid shit Dubya will say when he gets there.

  10. thesheriffisnear

    Newsweek hasn’t been relevant since Crockett and Tubbs were chasing down Uzi-packing, Columbian drug lords in Miami. EVERY WEEK.

  11. Potater

    “Who’s getting mixed reviews in the polls”

    WSJ doesn’t even try to appear non-biased anymore, does it?

  12. Paul Tardy

    Wow, this POTUS is way cleverer than the last. Staging a natural catastrophe on an island way off the coast of the US is such a smarter way to do it. Damn good choice I would say. +1 with huggs and kizzes to Obama.

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