WTF IS HE DOING IN HAWAII?  11:42 pm December 30, 2009

by Ken Layne

Micheal Steele is laughing so hard right now, in a white way.RUSH LIMBAUGH is in “serious condition” at a Hawaii hospital, and we shall save the Death Jokes until he earns them the old-fashioned way. [ABC]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 201 comments }

orange December 30, 2009 at 11:45 pm

yes….and?

stew December 30, 2009 at 11:48 pm

Nah, he’s just trying to score some dope.

surfacenoise76 December 30, 2009 at 11:48 pm

Who’s going to feed the underage sex slave he has locked in his hotel room?

memzilla December 30, 2009 at 11:49 pm

OOOO… I know … Secret Mission To Uncover Obama’s Muslin Birf Certificate FAIL!

rambone December 30, 2009 at 11:49 pm

So, umm … are we supposed to pretend we want him to live or just pretend that we’re sad when he dies?

A little guidance too much to ask for, Wonkett?

orange December 30, 2009 at 11:49 pm

and I thought the decade would end badly.

Dreamer December 30, 2009 at 11:50 pm

Ken, can we have a Wonkette special prayer vigil for him? I think a socialist muslin prayer is in order.

AxmxZ December 30, 2009 at 11:51 pm

Looks like the Secret Service doesn’t look too kindly upon fat disgruntled white douchebags stalking the President.

Sparky McGruff December 30, 2009 at 11:51 pm

I’m sure that we’ll all give Rush at least as much respect as he would give each and every one of us.

Katydid December 30, 2009 at 11:52 pm

As an immoral atheist, I don’t pray, or wish, for anyone to die. Ima leave that type of thing to the Christians. You know, the ones who have a lock on morality acausa the creator and such as also too.

New T-Shirts, Stickers, Encourage Christians to “pray for Obama” to die

Former Southern

Baptist Convention Officer Calls For Obama to Die

surfacenoise76 December 30, 2009 at 11:52 pm

I’d ask one of my spiritual acquaintances to pray for him, but they’re always giving me this “you can’t pray for bad things to happen” b.s.

orange December 30, 2009 at 11:52 pm

[re=487234]Dreamer[/re]: salami al acorn

Fox News Light December 30, 2009 at 11:54 pm

Maybe it will end up being called the “Rush Limbaugh Memorial Health Care bill”..you know, out of spite.

stew December 30, 2009 at 11:56 pm

“Rush, we don’t prescribe opiates for chest pain,” some doctor guy/gal.

sezme December 30, 2009 at 11:56 pm

Jesus, look at the man. He’s always in serious condition. He wasn’t by any chance playing basketball with the President, was he?

OReillysVibrator December 30, 2009 at 11:57 pm

RIP Rush Limbaugh and the pallbearers who will be crushed attempting to drag his carcass.

Oh hell to the no December 30, 2009 at 11:57 pm

It’s “serious” condition, not “grave”. He’ll live to talk about how good privitized health insurance and personal responsibility are.

Lawndarts December 31, 2009 at 12:00 am

“Limbaugh, 58, suffered from chest pains, sources said. Limbaugh was sitting in a chair in his ninth-floor hotel room at the Kahala when emergency crews arrived, sources said. He told medical crews that he was taking medication for a back problem, sources said.”
http://www.kitv.com/politics/22094469/detail.html

El Pinche December 31, 2009 at 12:02 am

[re=487242]Fox News Light[/re]: That would be grand. you know Barry will send flowers…like the Chicago mob does to the mourning families of the wacked.

glamourdammerung December 31, 2009 at 12:02 am

And the nutters are already crying about how mean the evil people are being in wishing for Rush the same that he wished on Ted Kennedy and others.

Personally, I think that maybe Christian God is real and is finally getting annoyed with the wingnuts telling all the screeching monkeys to pray for Democratic lawmakers to die. If I were Senator Coburn, I would be a little nervous.

stew December 31, 2009 at 12:03 am

[re=487246]Oh hell to the no[/re]: Responsibility? Cigars, twinkies, viagra, narcotis, sex tourism?

Hunger Tallest Palin December 31, 2009 at 12:04 am

[re=487245]OReillysVibrator[/re]: Sudden bursts of laughter and a major head cold do NOT mix.

Ugh, my monitor looks like Rich Lowry’s poster of Palin.

ManchuCandidate December 31, 2009 at 12:05 am

The Rush Who Made New Years

The Rush hated Libruls! The whole Librul reason!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that he wasn’t all too bright.
But I think that the most likely reason of that
May have been that his ass was two sizes too fat

But,
Whatever the reason,
His ass or his brain,
He went to the Librul Aloha State, hating the Libs,
Staring down from his suite with a sour, Rushy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Lib down in Lib-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a healthcare wreath.

“And they’re hanging their socialism!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow will be healthcare for “most”! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his fat fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to keep (weakened) health reform from coming!”
For, tomorrow, he knew…

The Libs, young and old, would sit down and read books.
And they’d read! And they’d read!
And they’d READ! READ! READ! READ!
They would start on paperbacks, and rare hardcovers
Which was something the Rush couldn’t stand in the least!

And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Lib down in Lib-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with election bells ringing.
They’d stand in a line. And they were Demrat voting!

They’d vote! And they’d vote!
AND they’d VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
And the more the Rush thought of the Lib Demrat-Voting
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
“Why for fifty-eight years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop Obama from winning!
…But HOW?”

And what happened then…?
Well…in Hawaii they say
That the Rush’s clogged heart
Kakked that day!
And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so right,
He flopped on his belly through the bright morning light
And he fought back the healthcare! And the taxes for the beast!
And he…

…HE HIMSELF…!
The Rush discovered no one cared for him the least!

stew December 31, 2009 at 12:05 am

Medication for back pain? We’ve seen this movie…

Hooray For Anything December 31, 2009 at 12:06 am

[re=487248]Lawndarts[/re]: Yeah, “back pain” is what I always tell my “doctor” whenever I need them to “prescribe” some oxycontin and vicodin.

Sparky McGruff December 31, 2009 at 12:06 am

[re=487248]Lawndarts[/re]: “He told medical crews that he was taking medication for a back problem, sources said.”

In other words, the half dozen pills of oxycontin were not mixing well with the percocet, valium, and the viagra.

Katydid December 31, 2009 at 12:07 am

[re=487239]surfacenoise76[/re]: See my post above yours. Also too see Imprecatory Prayer.

Although this lovely exhortation is straight out of the Old Testament, I don’t think Jews actually do it. They don’t have to. They just annoy you until you pray for sweet death. Or at least my family does.

Bit OT – I married an Italian guy, well, Italian-American, and one day another Italian-American friend came over to me and said, in horror, “OMG, your daughter is going to be an Italian-Jewish mother. Look what you’ve done!”

And what I can tell you is that Italians and Jews are the same, except for the Jesus thing. Jews aren’t always with the crossing of the face and putting up the crucifixes and such.

stew December 31, 2009 at 12:07 am

Curious to here what the police found in his hotel room. You know, for that “back problem”.

Oh hell to the no December 31, 2009 at 12:08 am

@stew yes, you’re responsible for doctor-shopping for drugs on your own.

Katydid December 31, 2009 at 12:11 am

[re=487253]ManchuCandidate[/re]: And all the hearts down in Lib-ville grew three sizes that day.

Katydid December 31, 2009 at 12:11 am

[re=487253]ManchuCandidate[/re]: BTW, you’re brilliant!

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 12:11 am

[re=487238]Katydid[/re]: How did you get three links into one post?

oldguy December 31, 2009 at 12:14 am

In the words of Tom Coburn…

Texan Bulldoggette December 31, 2009 at 12:14 am

Wow, what a dilemma. On one hand, he’s the biggest dick ever but on the other hand he’s a fellow human being. I would say ‘only the good die young’ but Rush ain’t that young…so it’s definitely a dilemma! Although I have to think Baby Jeebus & Satan are dueling over who has to take the fat bastard.

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 12:17 am

[re=487266]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: “he’s a fellow human being“… … Says who?

Fox News Light December 31, 2009 at 12:17 am

[re=487266]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Yea, I just don’t know if there is such a thing as a “Happy Relapse”

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 12:18 am

Huh, actually, I would rather he lived to see the horrible injustice of poor people having regular access to doctors.

blader December 31, 2009 at 12:19 am

fapping away to Spectravision, gets ‘em every time

AxmxZ December 31, 2009 at 12:20 am

[re=487266]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: He’s a what what now?

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 12:20 am

Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 12:23 am

Thanks, Manchu.
I learned to read on Dr Seuss.

Texan Bulldoggette December 31, 2009 at 12:24 am

[re=487267]Bearbloke[/re]: but on the other hand he’s an [alleged] fellow human being…

Socialist hip replacement December 31, 2009 at 12:26 am

Is that ‘serious condition’ like Tiger Woods ‘serious condition’? Cause that wasn’t so serious.

EdFlinstone December 31, 2009 at 12:27 am

That caller to CSPAN worried their Byrd death prayer backfired is seriously shitting their pants right now.

FlownOver December 31, 2009 at 12:27 am

I’d care, but he’s out there in a hospital in a foreign country.

As it is, it’s OK by me if he survives, struck mute and in constant, excruciating pain for another thirty years. Without drugs for a change.

CanadianBacon December 31, 2009 at 12:27 am

Calm down everyone. Rush will be okay. He has never exhibited any symptoms that indicate he has a heart so the chest pains were probably caused from eating puppies too quickly. And don’t make fun of his back problems, carrying the entire Republican Party around on his shoulders would hurt anyone.

Joshua Norton December 31, 2009 at 12:29 am

For a place so foreign and evil, Hawaii seems to be wingnut stomping ground. Is Limpballs in the good Hawaii? Or in the evil, muslin Obama Hawaii.

drrty martini December 31, 2009 at 12:29 am

I’ll hold my tongue. I know Denby is lurking around here looking for material for a sequel.

trondant December 31, 2009 at 12:30 am

[re=487269]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Which would give his miserable ass a heart attack faster, which suits me just fine.

[re=487266]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Extraordinary claims require etc., etc.

mephistopheles jefferson December 31, 2009 at 12:30 am

For those of you who love strife and discord – like me! – check out the Twitter trending topic ‘Rush Limbaugh’. It’s like X-mas all over again.

http://twitter.com/#search?q=%22Rush%20Limbaugh%22%20OR%20Limbaugh

Texan Bulldoggette December 31, 2009 at 12:31 am

Just thinking that this death would be too dignified for Rush. He needs to suffer full cardiac arrest hog tied, ball gag in his mouth, dildo shoved up his ass with a passed out naked Dick Cheney laying next to him. There…I feel lots better now.

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 12:31 am

So, the other day I was going through boxes of stuff in my mom’s attic, looking for some photos of my grandmother, when I came across a bunch of stupid papers and shit that I had written in middle school. They were incredibly dumb, and one of them was a photo collage essay on how the world would improve once my mother because supreme dictator (this was probably a bid for higher allowance, although my mother is, to this day, a better leader than most pols we have). On one page, I had cut out a picture of Rush Limbaugh and added a shotgun wound to his forehead.

So, (1) I have no idea how I got away with that shit AND got a passing grade and (2) Rush Limbaugh has been sucking a massive donkey dick since I was in fucking MIDDLE SCHOOL.

As Rafiki said in the Lion Kind, “Eet ees time.”

Fox News Light December 31, 2009 at 12:32 am

Probably the only thing he is pissed about right now is that most of the Media is still using his Fat Photos instead of the skinny ones he had sent out (Except Politico, Politico showed the love)

OReillysVibrator December 31, 2009 at 12:33 am

[re=487252]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: glad to give ya a laugh! happy new year

tbogg December 31, 2009 at 12:34 am

I think we should practice making death jokes just in case. You don’t want to pull something when it’s game on.

kudzu December 31, 2009 at 12:34 am

I pray for Rush and my prayer is Psalm 109:8.

President Beeblebrox December 31, 2009 at 12:34 am

Well, shit. Poppers and Viagra can cause heart failure. Anyone check for a Dominican houseboy or a Brazilian tranny around the place?

[re=487248]Lawndarts[/re]: Hm, back problem? Vicodin relapse?

Joshua Norton December 31, 2009 at 12:38 am

So is it Michael Steele’s job to deliver Rush’s ring to Glenn Beck, should things take an unfortunate turn for the worse?

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 12:38 am

[re=487286]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Lion KING, you dumbass.

Katydid December 31, 2009 at 12:39 am

[re=487264]Bearbloke[/re]: Well, it was actually supposed to be 2 links, I fucked up on the spacing.

You just add a [p] tag where you want the paragraph, obvs. replacing [] with html brackets. Each one creates a paragraph.

You can also use [br], which is a line break, which is different from a paragraph.

They’re both empty tags, meaning you don’t have to close them with a [/].

This is the best HTML resource on the Web,

IMHO.

If that’s what you were asking.

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 12:41 am

Happy New Year, Yanks…
Rush is over if you want it…

President Beeblebrox December 31, 2009 at 12:41 am

[re=487285]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Or, or… two wetsuits, diving mask, rubber underwear, diving gloves, slippers, face mark, leather restraints, and, oh yeah, “one dildo in the anus covered with a condom, and “one yellow metal ring intact on left finger.” Wingnuts don’t do anything half-assed, including autoerotic asphyxiation.

Katydid December 31, 2009 at 12:41 am

[re=487285]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:
dildo shoved up his ass with a passed out naked Dick Cheney laying next to him.

Be logical. How can Dick Cheney be both shoved up his ass and be passed out naked laying next to him?

Too easy?

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 12:44 am

[re=487294]Katydid[/re]:
My HTML has gotten rusty… but hey, Rush is on his deathbed, so all’s well, amirite?

Katydid December 31, 2009 at 12:46 am

[re=487253]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I wanted to write And the Demrats balls’ grew three sizes that day, but I gave up fantasies after this one weird boyfriend.

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 12:49 am

[re=487299]Katydid[/re]: Also, the idea of Dems having anything resembling balls/spine is just too much to really believe, you know?

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 12:52 am

Over at Gawker, there is much chiding of people who want him dead. As though wishing someone dead had any more weight than wishing for any number of other things.

People still believe in karma?

assistant/atlas December 31, 2009 at 12:54 am

#1: Michelle Malkin’s cheekbones can cut glass.

#2: I don’t care. Wanda Sykes was right: I hope his kidneys fail. He’s evil and he’s used his popularity to evil ends. The world is better off if he’s dead. Besides, I’m already going to hell for living in LA, let alone working in Big Evil Hollywood, so see ya there someday Rush, and I hope there’s at least enough justice in the universe that I end up fucking you for eternity and not the other way around.

S.Luggo December 31, 2009 at 12:56 am

[re=487238]Katydid[/re]: In which sense? Those Southern Baptists, so metaphorical in their use of language.

RobPetrified December 31, 2009 at 12:57 am

Glen Beck is out shopping for a new Cordoba tonight.

Dean Booth December 31, 2009 at 12:59 am

I felt a great disturbance in the Farce. As if millions of morans all cried out in terror.

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 1:05 am

[re=487303]assistant/atlas[/re]: After Rush dies and goes to Hell and spends eternity giving Rusty Trombones to Hitler, Stalin, and Joseph McCarthy, does anyone think there’ll be usable parts of his body suitable for donation and transplant?

And would anyone want them?

FreshCliches December 31, 2009 at 1:06 am

I just sent a Meat Lover’s Pizza (extra cheese) and a box of stogies to his hospital room to cheer him up.

Extemporanus December 31, 2009 at 1:06 am

WOW!

If I’d known that all it took to send Rush on his way to the seal’s watershed was a little Antony & The Johnsons, I would’ve summoned that moody crooning posts ago!

But per our esteemed Editor’s equanimous admonition, I shall refrain from morbid lording, and just keep whistling past the graveyard until more information comes to light.

Lutipold December 31, 2009 at 1:06 am

Goddess Pele of the Volcano, we offer this sacrifice of a fattened pig

drpangloss December 31, 2009 at 1:07 am

His aortic bivavle ruptured when in the Office of Record in Honululu. He shone his mini flash light dangling from him teeth. The light swept across the page of the Certificate of Live Birth. Barack Hussain Obama. Brithplace: Hawaii. Father: Xenu.

SkoalRebel December 31, 2009 at 1:07 am

In Hawaii?! Why wasn’t he back in Washington to handle TerrorFail ’09 like a responsible president?

donner_froh December 31, 2009 at 1:07 am

I just hope (and would pray, if I did) that it is nothing trivial.

S.Luggo December 31, 2009 at 1:08 am

[re=487302]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: At Gawker, the posters are crass, vile, unfeeling. Fuck them.

S.Luggo December 31, 2009 at 1:10 am

[re=487228]stew[/re]:
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.
Love won’t hurt anymore
It’s an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes, LOVE! It’s LOVE!

Scorpiogal December 31, 2009 at 1:14 am

[re=487253]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Genius!

waitforsugar December 31, 2009 at 1:14 am

Now that Beck is constantly crying like the little bitch he is and saying bizarre things on a daily basis, this is the only way Rush can get some press.

RoscoePColtraine December 31, 2009 at 1:16 am

Guys like Rush don’t die, they come back meaner than ever. This brush with death (if that is indeed what it is) won’t affect him at all – no compassion, no new perspective with regards to financial wealth – just the same jackass of a guy he always was.

No guilt here for wishing him ill, this is exactly what a guy like he deserves.

Ye Olde Fap-Smith December 31, 2009 at 1:19 am

Well, the fat fuck was a pig’s bladder filled with Zyklon-B, but he was, at least, the ever present enemy. Without him to scream at daily, how will I release my rage? … oh yea, Hannity, Beck, Ingraham, etc. I happen to be celebrating NYE early with some Nepalese black hash, and my pessimissm has suddenly become optimism, OF A SORT. I hope the Caribbean-boy raping, morbidly-obese, human fentanyl vampire lives. It’s like Sherlock without Moriaty. WHAT WOULD THE CHILDREN THINK?/!!?? … and what would we rail against?

Extemporanus December 31, 2009 at 1:20 am

[re=487315]S.Luggo[/re]: “Crass, vile, unfeeling?”

Perhaps. But eloquently, profanely so.

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 1:20 am

[re=487320]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Hopefully they’ve put Rush in the Death Panel Suite…

chascates December 31, 2009 at 1:22 am

Wingnut rants (& some of the opposite) available here:

http://buzz.yahoo.com/article/1:y_news:588e0a50f98d3a1b885bf0361d0887b5/Report-Rush-Limbaugh-taken-to-Hawaii-hospital-AP

Of course the majority say how LIBRULS are the ones wishing him to die which the right would never do to anyone, great white Christian patriot that he is.

NOBAMA IS TEH SATAN!

Mr Blifil December 31, 2009 at 1:23 am

I hope his steak and hot dog advertisers send him one of these babies:

http://www.allenbrothers.com/rush-more-pac.html

Bruno December 31, 2009 at 1:24 am

I understand most newspapers and newswires pre-write obituaries for famous people, just leaving some space to edit a few paragraphs to insert time of death etc. Is there a snark equivalent?

edgydrifter December 31, 2009 at 1:25 am

I admit it. I want him to die. Serves him right for misreading J-Fat’s column and literally trying to cram Jesus into his heart, via his stomach.

Joshua Norton December 31, 2009 at 1:29 am

Hell, if Cheney is still wandering around held together with plastic and pig parts it’s going to take more than a few chest pains to bring down the original Prince of Darkness.

stew December 31, 2009 at 1:29 am

“Admits on pain pills again” is the scoop goin’ round. This could get interesting…

aleks December 31, 2009 at 1:31 am

This is why you don’t mess with the Kenyan Witch King/Doctor.

chascates December 31, 2009 at 1:31 am

[re=487325]Mr Blifil[/re]: I first thought of the birthday lunch Bush gave him before he left office. I think there was salmon, fries with ranch dressing and some other stuff. I Googled to get the thing but got his telling of it instead. He mentions the salmon and then said french fries appeared, which he didn’t order.

Right.

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 1:33 am

[re=487324]chascates[/re]: Calling all yahoo account-holders! It’s go time:

http://buzz.yahoo.com/article/1:y_news:588e0a50f98d3a1b885bf0361d0887b5/Report-Rush-Limbaugh-taken-to-Hawaii-hospital-AP

Go to it, and vote down the ReThuglicans and their stupid comments…

AxmxZ December 31, 2009 at 1:35 am

I suppose it would be a mixed blessing if he died. He’s so revolting that he turns off everyone except for the 10-15% of the population that loves him to pieces. If someone with more tact and intelligence started pushing the same stuff on people, they might make it more palatable.

It’s a bit like that argument over whether assassinating Hitler too early into Operation Barbarossa might have lead to Germany winning the war.

bago December 31, 2009 at 1:40 am

Your XHTML overlords demand self closing in atomic tags. Bitchez.

Mr Blifil December 31, 2009 at 1:44 am

[re=487330]stew[/re]: As is the part where they close one wing of the hospital to get him out in secret. This is the action people take in the middle of a medical emergency? I always thought the strange story of his deafness was a bit farfetched. Now I’m wondering if his heart attack is a hoax. That would really suck because I was getting off on the idea that tonight Rush Limbaugh experienced scary chest pains. Har har Rush you imbecile. I hope Michael J. Fox visits him in the hospital to help stick the catheter up his wee-wee.

memzilla December 31, 2009 at 1:45 am

[re=487325]Mr Blifil[/re]: Even better: ten pounds of deep-fat fried, chocolate covered bacon.

gurukalehuru December 31, 2009 at 1:53 am

May he die at 11:59 p.m. Happy New Year, everybody!!

SayItWithWookies December 31, 2009 at 1:56 am

From TMZ, believe it or not:

UPDATE: 11:29 PM EST — Sources inside the hotel tell TMZ the hotel took drastic measures to get the mystery patient — reported to be Rush Limbaugh — out of the resort without being seen.
We’re told hotel security shut down a wing of the hotel and the guest elevators — the patient was transported using the employee elevator bank.

Translation: The EMTs were still trying to cut Rush and the cabana boy who scores his OxyContin out of the wetsuit, and the hotel manager ordered them to take the freight elevator rather than cart that whole bloody latexy screaming santorumy mess through the lobby and past the restaurant.

chascates December 31, 2009 at 1:58 am

[re=487333]Bearbloke[/re]: It’s like hitting a tsunami; not worth it. As soon as I posted something it would start getting no votes. Half of the time I just pasted in Limbaugh’s ‘Kennedy Death Watch’ which was not considered good and I was called out for just pasting the same thing. Then I went to finding & submitting Limbaugh’s own online screwups and bullshit.

Those people are in a whole different space. Not as bad as StormFront but true believers.

Goodbye, 2009!

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 31, 2009 at 2:03 am

You mean there is a God?

Boy, am I in a lot of trouble.

Lascauxcaveman December 31, 2009 at 2:05 am

Just DIE, you stupid, fat ugly, cancerous piece of fuck! DIE DIE DIE!!!

DIE already!!!!

(In case nobody’s said it yet.)

Bearbloke December 31, 2009 at 2:07 am

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!
SEE YOU IN 2010!
FUCK RUSH LIMBAUGH WITH A RUSTY CAN-OPENER!!!

SayItWithWookies December 31, 2009 at 2:09 am

[re=487334]AxmxZ[/re]: You should listen to Limbaugh’s, Beck’s and Hannity’s shows when they’ve got substitute hosts in — your fears will be immediately dispelled. Those three guys are as sharp and charismatic as right-wing talk radio gets — the second-stringers are simply awful. They don’t make sense, they’re repetitive, Mark Steyn laughs uncomfortably at everything he says that he thinks is clever, a couple of liberal callers have run circles around them and their crazier callers can say anything they want. These guys make Rush look astute.

chascates December 31, 2009 at 2:22 am

[re=487346]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The originals are at the top of their (evil) game. All 3 are pretty well-scripted and the video and graphics are designed to make sure the house wins. And they’ve got the viewership (whether as devotees or people looking for laughs)and are making big bucks. Of course worst of all is the control over so many individuals and are able to direct their messages.

My only hope is that they finally crash, probably supporting someone like Palin et al. When you start going to the right or try continually upping the voltage something’s got to snap.

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 2:28 am

[re=487346]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yay, you’re awake! Isn’t tonight oddly grand?

chascates December 31, 2009 at 2:36 am

Honolulu, Hawaii (CNN) — Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was taken to a Honolulu hospital with chest pains Wednesday, a show staffer said.

“Rush was admitted to and is resting comfortably in a Honolulu hospital today after suffering chest pains,” Kit Carson, the chief of staff for the Rush Limbaugh Show, said.

A source at the Queen’s Medical Center told CNN that Limbaugh was admitted late afternoon in “serious condition” and is expected to stay overnight.

stew December 31, 2009 at 2:36 am

[re=487340]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sounds more and more like an OD. Interesting news over the next few days…

garrito December 31, 2009 at 2:37 am

Remember, Rush: “Aloha” also means goodbye.

chascates December 31, 2009 at 2:37 am

Last year, he struck a deal with Clear Channel Communications to extend his contract through 2016. The deal is worth more than $400 million.

Ye Olde Fap-Smith December 31, 2009 at 2:41 am

His last words were “Rosebud.” Except in a Domincan-Spanish patois. Regardless of whichever words he spat during his wretched death rattle, I’m sure they were profound, and hopefully, one of his Dominican slave-boys transcribed this modern day Buddha’s(in terms of girth)inane rant’s into something that will appear in Bartlett’s 2010 edition(tm). Or is that even palatable to the public, which unfortunately, happens to be illiterate atm. Oh teh Humanity!

Hooray For Anything December 31, 2009 at 2:48 am

Sadly, he’ll probably get better and then quickly go on the air and talk about what wonderful health care he got and how if Obamacare got enacted, he would have died. And a bunch of poor people who listen to his show will nod their heads in agreement and pray to little baby Jesus that Health Care reform will be stopped so the next time they’re in a resort in Hawaii and have a heart attack, they’ll be ferreted out of the hotel by hotel security to a first class hospital where they’ll be tended to by the very finest in doctors and not have to deal with going through some sort of ACORN run Death Panel instead.

SayItWithWookies December 31, 2009 at 2:49 am

[re=487347]chascates[/re]: Their true believes — and they’re down to the hardcore right now — will never abandon them. They live in an alternate reality.

[re=487349]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: It’s been so surreal — the Republicans’ response to this Nigerian bomber has been insane. It’s weird knowing there’s a segment of the population that advocates doing the Jack Bauer response to every situation, yet still can’t say why it’s better. And now this happens to their spokesperson while he’s — uh — on vacation in Hawaii. And yet they still think they’re not hurting themselves. Yeah, I feel good about 2010.

El Pinche December 31, 2009 at 2:50 am

[re=487340]SayItWithWookies[/re]: hahaha , +10 for using “santorumy”

chascates December 31, 2009 at 2:50 am

[re=487355]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Then he’ll write a book about it and make a mint.

stew December 31, 2009 at 2:59 am

[re=487355]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Lets wait and hear what they find in Rushbo’s hotel room. This baby is just starting…

El Pinche December 31, 2009 at 3:01 am

[re=487344]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:

You forgot some more , DIE DIE YOU SWEAT FROM A BABOON’S BALLS. DIE !!

I kid!

Hahaha…no seriously, Rush Limbaugh just die tonight. Drown in your vomit, it’s the only moral thing to do .

I’m kidding.

vaporware December 31, 2009 at 3:02 am

CNN, ABC, FOX….all of them running with ‘Rush Limbaugh “resting comfortably”‘ I don’t want to see crap like that. Just one day I want to wake to the headline ‘Rush Limbaugh accidentally stabbed in the eye with a fork.’-Now that gets my Pulitzer and Edward R. Murrow vote every time. Why aren’t they lobbing grenades in his hospital room window by now?

vaporware December 31, 2009 at 3:15 am

[re=487361]vaporware[/re]: Looks like Matt Drudge and crew are weeping like babies right now, busy organizing some ‘Save our Favorite Fat Fuck’ telethon-proceeds to support purchasing a win in the next election, candidate Rush Rolly-Pollybaugh

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 3:23 am

[re=487352]garrito[/re]: Win, BTW. I’ve been repeating that over and over.

But yeah, I’m sure he’ll make it through. Hell, my grandmother had, like, three heart attacks and lived to tell the tale, and she had WAY more bile in her than Rush (no penchant for underage Thai males, though).

AnnieGetYourFun December 31, 2009 at 3:25 am

[re=487362]vaporware[/re]: I’m calling it the Save Our Fat Fuckathon, because it sort of rolls off the tongue. Much like, say, a pudgy limp conservative wang would off the tongue of a teenage male prostitute in Southeast Asia. Just, you know, for comparison’s sake.

vaporware December 31, 2009 at 3:35 am

[re=487364]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: If Fox carried it, Time Warner would be paying $2 a head.
Aren’t there any unemployed Underwear Bombers available in Hawaii right now?

free December 31, 2009 at 4:23 am

Been a while since we have seen real addition by subtraction.
Toes up is a good look on him. Who has him in the dead pool?

Rachel Ray Jihad December 31, 2009 at 4:47 am

The downside of having “TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD” is that God can call in that loan whenever he wants.

stew December 31, 2009 at 4:51 am

Daily Kos diary guy is reporting Rushbo’s condition has been downgraded from “serious” to “critical”.

What Fresh Hell is This? December 31, 2009 at 4:54 am

My prayers go out to his wife and children…oh, never mind.

desertwind December 31, 2009 at 5:14 am

Well, we all know what “medication for a back problem” is, don’t we?

schvitzatura December 31, 2009 at 5:46 am

Instant MSRA’s gonna get you, Rush
Gonna knock you right on the head

So much for your gold-plated cadillac insurance plan, buddy!

bopumofu December 31, 2009 at 5:57 am

Heart surgery often changes your personality. It makes you nastier.

bopumofu December 31, 2009 at 6:03 am

[This study has] confirmed an unusual incidence of … acute psychotic behavior postoperatively.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1397477/?page=10

Same thing happened to the already nasty Cheney. Can’t wait for Limbaugh’s next show.

Dolmance December 31, 2009 at 6:04 am

I swore I’d piss on the cocksucker’s grave. And I hope all people of goodwill will try to make the schlep to Florida or wherever he ends up so the graveside smells like a fucking sewer forever.

Dolmance December 31, 2009 at 6:10 am

[re=487381]bopumofu[/re]: Oh, that was a nice article. I liked that. And considering his already, shall we say, turbulent, personality, I think the odds are quite a bit higher for him to go apeshit than your average heart surgery patient.

And I too look forward to the next show. Maybe the Surgeon General could talk to a few of his friends in the psychiatric business and see if there’s any way for all Democrats of goodwill to try and promote that response. Maybe try to manipulating him into eating out of the nearest unflushed toilet jabbering about something or other having to do with the colored folks. Let’s hope so.

zhubajie December 31, 2009 at 6:11 am

So what’s he doing in Hawaii? I thought Dominican Republic was where he went for his boys/girls/morphodites/donkeys/whatever!

Or was he on his way to Sin City, Bangkok?

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 6:37 am

There’s a blue jay outside my window every morning,
yelling at everyone going by under him,
Die! Die! Die!
Especially the neighbor’s cat, of course.

I hope a nice little bird is outside your window this morning, disturbing your “heart rest”.
In ancient Egypt, a bird came to carry the soul of the deceased off to the land of the blessed.
Do the self-blessed and self-anointed have souls?

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 6:38 am

Let’s see first, if he remembers everything that’s happened. . .

zhubajie December 31, 2009 at 6:41 am

[re=487231]rambone[/re]: I want him to get born-again, become the mental slave of some sleazy mega-church false messiah and to give all his money. Rick Warren, maybe. He’s begging real hard. Or, best of all, my “hero”, Brother Stair!

thesheriffisnear December 31, 2009 at 6:42 am

My thoughts and prayers are with him… Isn’t that what politicians and talking heads say when they want the public to think they care when they really don’t give a shit, because I really would like to bring Mr. Cristie a sack full of Burger King Enormous Omelet sandwiches. Yum.

OffTheRecord December 31, 2009 at 6:42 am

[re=487320]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: One of my aunts, in her infinite southern wisdom, once informed me that some people were too evil to die, they would just ugly away. Rush Limbaugh will ugly away.

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 6:46 am

Mark Foley wants him out of the way . . .
Trims the competition.

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 6:53 am

His heart has been beaating faaster and fster since he saw that Levi Johnston spread in “that magazine”.

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 6:55 am

When old acquaintance be forgot . . .

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 6:56 am

Eh, run him up a flagpole and let HIM drop at midnight.

Up To Here Again December 31, 2009 at 6:59 am

Can we drop HIM on Yemen?

ella December 31, 2009 at 7:07 am

[re=487253]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Well-played!

Darth Mario December 31, 2009 at 8:09 am

please let it be AIDS, please let it be AIDS, please let it be AIDS.

Boondock Saint December 31, 2009 at 8:10 am

I had SOOOO much fun with my rightwing nutball friends when it was first revealed that oxyLimbaugh was always impaired on his show…. I hope the fat sack of shit dies this time…with that big faux cock in his mouth. Also.

NJB December 31, 2009 at 8:19 am

[re=487391]Up To Here Again[/re]: See? If only Levi had gone full-frontal we could be making all those death jokes instead of having to save them up.

JSDC007 December 31, 2009 at 8:24 am

Oh, I’m sure he’ll survive. The heartless and the brainless always do. Maybe he’ll croak once his fat ass gives out.

4tehlulz December 31, 2009 at 8:32 am

[re=487307]Bearbloke[/re]: How exactly is this hell for Rush? Sounds like his version of paradise.

samsuncle December 31, 2009 at 8:39 am

I look forward to seeing a certified long form copy of his Hawaian death certificate.

mardam422 December 31, 2009 at 8:54 am

He would get much better medical care if he had been vacationing in America.

betterDeadThanRed December 31, 2009 at 8:56 am

[re=487259]Katydid[/re]: Actually Italians are like Jews…. only happy.

McDuff December 31, 2009 at 9:05 am

Flash — Washington, DC: The Federal Death Panel is currently meeting in emergency session to consider the case of Rush Limbaugh. Death Panel insiders tell the AP that in light of the number of right wing radio talkshow hosts currently on the air, Limbaugh has “little societal value” and the Panel is likely to vote against any further spending on his care.

“It’d be like spending $1 million on some injuried Mexican day-laborer, who are literally a dime a dozen,” said one Death Panel member, who added, “Yes, he’s popular with a few million listeners, but they’ll quickly switch to Beck, Hannity, Mikey Reagan, or some other talker. Talk radio is ‘short attention span theater’ anyway, so we figure after 6 weeks off the air, it’ll be ‘Rush who?’ for most listeners.”

A Death Panel staffer also told AP that, while Limbaugh’s care likely will be limited to ice chips and Bayer, the young Dominican boy who was surgically removed from Limbaugh’s private parts will be given full coverage, including extensive pyschological help.

bricks December 31, 2009 at 9:06 am

Meh. They’ll just give him one of Dick Cheney’s spare robot hearts, and he’ll live forever. Nothing to see here, folks.

Single Player December 31, 2009 at 9:08 am

I think this was just a cardiac scare, with no surgery and no death. What it exposes is that he’s still drug-addled (perhaps still with dealer-sized quantities of Oxycontin) while he’s spewing forth bile and lies on the radio.

Barrelhse December 31, 2009 at 9:12 am

[re=487278]CanadianBacon[/re]: Maybe he’ll shrug.

Ducksworthy December 31, 2009 at 9:48 am

[re=487322]Extemporanus[/re]: “loathsome Jabba pleasures” made the extra click worthwhile all by itself http://gawker.com/comment/17969593/

zhubajie December 31, 2009 at 9:56 am

[re=487297]Katydid[/re]: Dick up the ass, the rest of Cheney outside.

NJB December 31, 2009 at 10:05 am

[re=487438]Ducksworthy[/re]: God’s teeth! That was awesome. I need a cigarette.

the problem child December 31, 2009 at 10:19 am

Would Rush’s death be a bad thing, really? I’m guessing his will contains substantial gifts to the Humane Society and other animal groups. His fiancee must be hoping he makes it at least to the wedding.

joewilson' December 31, 2009 at 10:22 am

Well played God. Well played.

jetjaguar December 31, 2009 at 11:12 am

Couldn’t have happened to a better guy.

Bowdoin December 31, 2009 at 11:14 am

[re=487231]rambone[/re]: I remember my Daddy asked Mommy in 1953, for the benefit of us kiddies, whether we were supposed to celebrate the death of Stalin. Maybe it comes down to mourning times, and that of some revolting repugnants measured in nanoseconds.

qaf December 31, 2009 at 11:35 am

He’s just trying to hang on till midnight so his estate won’t be taxed. So much for ignoring that warning about erections lasting more than four hours.

BigDupa December 31, 2009 at 11:51 am

[re=487370]Rachel Ray Jihad[/re]: win

9/11 is a verb December 31, 2009 at 11:58 am

Keith Olberman will have an erection lasting over four hours if fat fuck dies. I would love to watch MSNBC just to see Keith try and report that without smiling

betterDeadThanRed December 31, 2009 at 11:58 am

I won’t wish anything bad for him. May he rest in peace – soon.

Snarkalicious December 31, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Only way we’re getting rid of this fucker is to strap him and Wilford Brimley to a rocket and shoot em into the sun.

Of course, then Wilford will come back and beat the shit out of all of us. I still call it a win, tho.

Larry McAwful December 31, 2009 at 12:17 pm

“If you can’t say anything nice about someone… come sit next to me.” —Alice Roosevelt Longworth

MarSF December 31, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Can’t I get what I want for Christmas, just this one time?

BeWoot December 31, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=487257]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Pro tip: If you can convince one doctor you have intractable back pain and another doctor you suffer from narcolepsy, you can get a pretty good buzz going.

jimmynail December 31, 2009 at 1:21 pm

There’s some debate about precisely how apocryphal this story is, but when General Franco was on his deathbed, a branch of the British Dockers’ Union passed an (unofficial) motion to send him a telegram reading DIE COMMA YOU BASTARD COMMA DIE.

Seems to have done the trick, cuz the guy thereafter expired of a massive haemorrhage that, so it’s said, sprayed blood up the walls.

Just sayin’. Happy new year.

spymoose December 31, 2009 at 1:22 pm

The fat bastard nearly croaked when he looked out his hotel room window and couldn’t believe his eyes: A black man playing golf on the very same course he played earlier that day.

EelPout December 31, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Rush is one of those (thankfully, few) people who can make the world a better place by leaving it.

C’mon, Rush, do it for the rest of us. We’ll finally have something to thank you for.

Lascauxcaveman December 31, 2009 at 2:02 pm

from the Miami Herald, August 17, 2034, Obituary section:

Rush Limbaugh, natural causes. Once a famously controversial and polarizing conservative talk show host, Limbaugh spent the the last twenty five years of his life in relative obscurity working quietly and persistently for progressive causes, most notably worldwide disarmament, environmental protection, and solidifying basic rights for racial minorities and homosexuals. His change of heart was said to have been triggered by a near death experience and hospitalization after consuming an entire luau roast pig on a dare.

avatard December 31, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Did Jeff Gannon accompany him to the hospital?

El Pinche December 31, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I’m back from fishing. Is the fat bag of shit still alive? Is there a DeadRush twitter I can follow?

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 31, 2009 at 2:11 pm

I think I can speak for everyone here at Wonkette when I say that we all hope Rush does well, we just hope his heart fails.

lawrenceofthedesert December 31, 2009 at 2:21 pm

I thought I had found a video of the Rush emergency call, but it was actually one of an exploded sperm whale.

It’s not easy being the Dom DeLuise of the American Right; Rush may just be tired.

rocktonsammy December 31, 2009 at 2:33 pm

MICHEAL STEELE IS IN CHARGE NOW EVERYBODY, DON’T PANIC.

Clean For Gene December 31, 2009 at 2:35 pm

[re=487259]Katydid[/re]: Lenny Bruce observed that “Italians are happy Jews.”

WestEdEd December 31, 2009 at 2:42 pm

If we send emial to people in Hawiai telling them to stand outside his hospital chanting “Die proky die” woud that be wrong?

Not_So_Much December 31, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Just a pork roast stuck in his esophagus…

The Tim Channel December 31, 2009 at 4:35 pm

If I thought prayer would push him over the edge, my knees would be bloody from all the prayin’….just sayin’

Enjoy.

Aurelio December 31, 2009 at 5:04 pm

[re=487248]Lawndarts[/re]: “He told medical crews that he was taking medication for a back problem, sources said.”

Is he back on the schmeck? He gained so much weight that I thought he had kicked (vicodin & oxycontin are appetite suppressants.)

Jim89048 December 31, 2009 at 5:14 pm

I am sad because none of my doctors will give me Oxy, and Vicodin is nowhere near as much fun as House M.D. makes it look.

Dashboard_Buddha December 31, 2009 at 5:43 pm

This would only be better if Bill and Rush were doing double anal on Michelle and Rush has a heart-attack rushing all of his blood to his penis jamming him and Bill in Michelle’s ass. Bill is too clueless to see that his fuck buddy is dead. He only knows that Michelle’s ass just got tighter and she is absolutely screaming in pleasure. Then, Rush topples like a tree and everyone gets pinned in his belly pillow. The Santorum dries and hardens gluing Bill, Michelle, and the corpse together requiring the paramedics to use the jaws of life to separate them, but they can’t because they’re laughing too hard.

Aurelio December 31, 2009 at 5:52 pm

[re=487701]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: This would only be better if Bill and Rush were doing double anal on Michelle and…. This fantasy is inappropriate for a family website. Family website? What am I saying?

Mr Blifil December 31, 2009 at 7:00 pm

[re=487701]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I only hope this post is cited in all right wing presentations of examples of extreme left hatred of Rush.

Dolmance December 31, 2009 at 10:47 pm

It wasn’t a heart attack. Goddamnit!

He ate something. And he ate a lot of it. And sometime around 4:00 AM, while hooked up to all kinds of heart monitors, he cut an enormous wet fart and ran to the toilet and shat like a rhino all over the place. Motherfucker sprayed the walls. It was everywhere. And it was so fucking satisfying the piece of shit had an orgasm.

But he will die one day. And then I’m going to piss on his grave. And so are all the people who are like me going to do the same. So his graveside smells like a fucking sewer. It’s our duty. This is what we’ll do. And it will be good.

zhubajie January 1, 2010 at 1:45 am

[re=487271]AxmxZ[/re]: A zombie vampire, like you see in Hong Kong vampire movies.

zhubajie January 1, 2010 at 2:05 am

[re=487267]Bearbloke[/re]: A Reptilian overlord?

zhubajie January 1, 2010 at 2:31 am

I think Limpbowel needs a holiday in Cambodia, the kind where you work with a gun in your back, and end up with your head on a stake.

zhubajie January 1, 2010 at 4:15 am

[re=487329]Joshua Norton[/re]: You really think Cheney didn’t take advantage of all those young, healthy hearts, etc., in the prisoners of Bagram, etc.? In all seriousness, quite a few non-gtmo unfortunates have disappeared, no one knows where. Why not transplant them into Cheney, Bush, et al.?

nightshift January 1, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Can we send Bar Bush over there to deliver some kind thoughts to Ruch like she did about the Katrina evacuees in the superdome:

“He was a big fat slob anyway. I think this was a good result.”

Darkness January 1, 2010 at 2:31 pm

[re=487260]stew[/re]: Oh, I thought that was his excuse for the massive stash on the hotel bathroom counter, but now I get it. It was his explanation for the resident trio of 95 pound trannie Chinese hookers wearing ballet shoes. Got it.

Weeping Jesus January 1, 2010 at 10:16 pm

I feel like I’m the only one who kind of thinks him dying would have made number 1 on the “Top Most Wonderfully Tremendous Events of the Teens Decade” list without possibility of challenge, no matter what happens in the next 10 years. The suspense is, figuratively, killing me.

Murphious January 3, 2010 at 11:56 am

Hey, I think he’s in Hawaii because the winter weather SUCKS here in the Continental U.S.
Oh, and wishing anyone dead (other than Hitler & Bin Laden) is wrong. I know some of us Liberals dislike the man, but c’mon, he’s entitled to his obviously skewed rants as much as Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
If Bill Richardson was still in Congress (3 time Nobel Peace Prize nominee), I am certain many on “both sides of the aisle” would get more things done for this country than argue. Nancy is more about party affiliation than patriotism or “getting along”.

that’s it for me…

BarackMyWorld January 3, 2010 at 6:48 pm

[re=488106]Murphious[/re]: I’m no fan of wishing people death (and I suspect that a lot of people on here are just making what you might call “jokes”), but calling Rush’s daily 3-hour trips into utter ignorance and irrationality a “obviously skewed rants” is a massive understatement.

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