MOONIES ON ICE  4:26 pm December 30, 2009

by Jim Newell

MOONIE MASSACRE: Local videographer and delightful monster Liz Glover tells your Wonkette that she has just been laid off from the Washington Times, along with most other employees. Sorry/Hooray, Liz!

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Hola wonkerados.

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TJBeck December 30, 2009 at 4:30 pm

How will Liz afford specially priced boneless wings all day long from BW3? Seriously, this add won’t close.

nbawriter December 30, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Christ, even the Moonies will go to any roundabout means to propel Liz into the porn industry.

Don’t do it Liz! And by “it,” I mean “double anal.” Everything else, however, is inbounds.

Godless Liberal December 30, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Would it be out of line for me to offer her a “position” in my employ?

Smoke Filled Roommate December 30, 2009 at 4:37 pm

“Digital” Jeffery Birnbaum–what a nickname!

S.Luggo December 30, 2009 at 4:40 pm

“Effective Monday, January 4, a new local print edition will focus on the core strengths of The Washington Times…”
Those being the personal ads for oriental massage and the Sudoku.

snideinplainsight December 30, 2009 at 4:43 pm

How come the Wonkett doesn’t have an “Editor-Digital”?

nbawriter December 30, 2009 at 4:45 pm

Can the Moonies buy Book TV and drive that into the ground so I am spared crazy-faced Foreigner Who Hates Foreigners staring at me?

Cape Clod December 30, 2009 at 4:45 pm

Today, we are all Women Who Can’t Make The Dog Let Go Of Her Microphone.

chascates December 30, 2009 at 4:46 pm

At least the new administration is more amenable to yoga than the past one so manybe Liz can open her studio (no microphone-eating dogs allowed).

Does this mean all those Moonie mass-marriages are annulled?

V572625694 December 30, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Even a money-wasting Moonie should be smart enough to realize you should kill a money-loser all at once, rather than bleeding it dry slowly. Who doesn’t love the sports section of the Times? Probably everyone who’s never read it. Which is everyone.

snideinplainsight December 30, 2009 at 4:47 pm

And, by extension (ha!) do the moonies also have an Editor-Oral, &etc &etc… ?

Hunger Tallest Palin December 30, 2009 at 4:50 pm

our transition into a 21st century multimedia enterprise

Hooray, they’re merging with PJTV!

And apparently everyone has noted that Editor Digital is kinda dirty so never mind.

snideinplainsight December 30, 2009 at 4:50 pm

Plus, Washington DC already has a trusted source for ridiculously right-slanted news reporting and offensive opinion pieces.

Bearbloke December 30, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Perhaps the good Reverend Moon is being returning to heaven following his coronation and needs to scare-up some liquidity by cutting the staff…

[re=487024]S.Luggo[/re]: Those adverts will be in the last few “Happy Ending” pages of the paper…

JMP December 30, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Good luck, Liz; at least congress has extended unemployment benefits yet again.

[re=487024]S.Luggo[/re]: Wasn’t their core strength printing unedited conservative talking points? That’s probably been their problem; the Post across town has usurped that role, with the addition of undeserved respectability left over from the 70s.

Vulpes82 December 30, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Does this mean the return of Liz is nigh? Yay!

memzilla December 30, 2009 at 4:53 pm

We are sad/happy for Liz’s firing/new opportunities.

How about paying her to liveblog/harass Malky “Filipino Creamy” McMalkinator on C-SPAN Sunday, Jim & Ken? And no paying her in expired kimchi like the last guy, either.

SayItWithWookies December 30, 2009 at 5:03 pm

Oh great — this means more Tony Blankley screeds in HuffPo — like his inclusion there is anything but inexplicable to begin with.

thesheriffisnear December 30, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Again, as the “Times” is slowly bled white I become increasingly wary that the lack of competition will compel the “Post” to lower its standards of journalistic excel…Never mind!!!

Tundra Grifter December 30, 2009 at 5:06 pm

The right wing nutz have been yelling for years that “the old media” is (ok – I know it should be “are” but these guys aren’t very bright) dead because of it’s (their) liberal views. That’s why The New York Times is going broke – just too librual.

Then Citadel Communications goes BK. Of course, this has nothing to do with its right wing radio shows. Nope. Nada. Zip.

Now The Washington Times – DC’s answer to the free weekly shoppers’ guide – is going OOB. Nothing to do with its political views, of course.

William F. Buckley’s National Review sent out begging letters for years. Once I wrote him back, telling him I was a free market guy and that publications should survive on their own merits – not charity.

Guess he was too busy to ever write me back…

weejee December 30, 2009 at 5:09 pm

[re=487043]memzilla[/re]: Yeah Ken/Jim. Ace videographer Liz deserves fresh winter kimchi made this fall, not that stuff your great uncles brought back from Puson when they were there with MacArthur.

thesheriffisnear December 30, 2009 at 5:11 pm

[re=487047]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Blankley’s inclusion is quite explainable as Arianna is going through a reversion not unlike Charlie Gordon’s in “Flowers for Algernon.”

Snarkalicious December 30, 2009 at 5:18 pm

[re=487036]snideinplainsight[/re]: Not necessary. Enough folks at the Times suck enough cock to make that a self-sustained integrated peer review process.

Neilist December 30, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Big Idea Of The Day: Liz and Michelle starring in a Hot Lesbo ACTION feature!

“Lickin’ A Conservative”?

“A Dog, A ‘Microphone,’ & Two Fish Tacos”?

“Ping-Pong Yoga: Positions On The Right & Left”?

[Yes, I know I'm a Sick Fuck. What's your point?]

Aurelio December 30, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Liz: don’t look at this as a failure. See it as an opportunity to get out of the cult for good.

Bronkers December 30, 2009 at 5:26 pm

If Ryan Bingham/George Clooney delivered the news, that would have softened the pain a little.

To Liz: You have my sympathies on getting riff’d, but freedom from WaPo and its ilk might be worth the dislocation.

Bronkers December 30, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Ack, I meant freedom from the Washington Times. Too busy multi-tasking. Happy New Year’s to the Wonketteers.

pampl December 30, 2009 at 5:31 pm

What’s Liz Glover? A former Our Wonkette?

hoosiermama December 30, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=487069]pampl[/re]: Go away, troll, don’t you know anything? She’s a Moonie who videographs dogs eating microphones. God!

shortsshortsshorts December 30, 2009 at 5:48 pm

[re=487069]pampl[/re]: Liz is a direct descendant of the Great Moon.

gjdodger December 30, 2009 at 5:53 pm

I’ll pay Liz twice what the Moonies did to stand behind that Dutch bodyscan thingie.

Lee December 30, 2009 at 5:56 pm


Are the Moonies like Scientologists without ray guns?

Good luck to you.

weejee December 30, 2009 at 5:59 pm

[re=487069]pampl[/re]: Our Liz & CNN’s mike eating dog.

finallyhappy December 30, 2009 at 6:00 pm

My husband was a reputable journalist whose paper went under so then he worked for the Times in its early days but he was fired after some years. He left newspapers after that and went into a totally different field(a place I wasn’t ashamed to talk about). I was in the presence of the Moon himself more than once-Christmas parties and the 10th anniversary gala(they had Lee Greenwood-I remember that)

AnnieGetYourFun December 30, 2009 at 6:06 pm

[re=487084]finallyhappy[/re]: Please, please tell us more.

Buzz Feedback December 30, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Sorry Liz. Good luck.

President Beeblebrox December 30, 2009 at 6:23 pm

[re=487061]Neilist[/re]: How about “Pedobear Meets Michelle” while we’re at it?

Yes I know teh Wonkett has gone over the Malkin/cheerleader photos many, many times, but like herpes, this episode in Madam Ping-Pong’s life is a gift that keeps on giving.

Extemporanus December 30, 2009 at 6:40 pm

[re=487093]President Beeblebrox[/re]: If I’m not mistaken, Pedobear is one of the “Faces of the GOP”.

What Michelle Malkin is, however, remains to be determined.

Extemporanus December 30, 2009 at 6:41 pm

[re=487025]snideinplainsight[/re]: Ken is the very model of a modern editor digital.

Barrett808 December 30, 2009 at 6:52 pm

[re=487083]weejee[/re]: Thanks, now I get the dog/mic jokes.

And Liz: so hot.

Redhead December 30, 2009 at 7:15 pm

Awww, Liz. Welcome to the new American Dream – actually figuring out how to balance your budget when your unemployment benefits are exactly half your monthly CBRA costs. (Rent is now irrelevant, since we all sleep in cardboard boxes under bridges.)

S.Luggo December 30, 2009 at 7:16 pm
hotdog December 30, 2009 at 7:18 pm

At first I read, “she has just been laid,” and I wondered why Liz was sharing this personal information with such a wide audience.

Oh, laid off? That’s different. Never mind.

Redhead December 30, 2009 at 7:20 pm

PS – There’s no shame in working whatever menial job you can get, which will undoubtedly pay less than the job you worked in high school but still more than unemployment, as long as you refrain from killing your retarded new boss who has no idea how to manage anything but doesn’t want to listen to anyone with fancy schmancy edumacated ideas about how to improve it.

That, and there are still newspaper jobs around – very hard to come by, and for even less money, but they’re there!

finallyhappy December 30, 2009 at 7:31 pm

[re=487087]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: People from the Star(the other paper in Dc many years ago) went to the Times in the early days. That is all- except that I have eternal life because Rev. Moon brushed against me at a Christmas party.

Neilist December 30, 2009 at 7:38 pm

[re=487093]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Zaffod, I feel DIRTY every time I watch that clip of Michelle in her cheerleading uniform.


And I’m proud of that . . . .

Oh hell to the no December 30, 2009 at 7:49 pm

Between the potential cancellation of the Washington Times and the actual cancellation of the Jeff Dunham Show, I’d say Kwanzaa Klaus has finally listened to me for once.

S.Luggo December 30, 2009 at 7:49 pm

Liz to get “unemployment compensation”?? [Coughs out his last fruity and delicious swallow of Mad Dog 20/20 and of his own residual upchuck.] At the WT, everyone is independent contractor. Ayn Rand would have wanted this.

As Ben Franklin once said, “Lie down with Moonies, rise without benies.”

Paul Tardy December 30, 2009 at 8:00 pm

Let me get this straight working as a slave for a cult is not recession proof?

gjdodger December 30, 2009 at 8:30 pm

[re=487130]Paul Tardy[/re]: You oughta know.

Barrelhse December 30, 2009 at 9:41 pm

I know of a certain reporter from Hardin, MT, who would probably jump at the chance to work for the Times. Right Becky?

sezme December 30, 2009 at 10:08 pm

Did they at least have the good grace to mass-marry all their employees before firing them?

June Cleaver 2.0 December 30, 2009 at 10:13 pm

[re=487029]nbawriter[/re]: “Can the Moonies buy Book TV and drive that into the ground so I am spared crazy-faced Foreigner Who Hates Foreigners staring at me?”

Thank you. I’m tired of looking at her mug.

Redhead December 30, 2009 at 10:14 pm

[re=487127]S.Luggo[/re]: I meant government unemployment checks, not a buyout package or anything nearly so COMMIENAZISOCIALIST.

But you know what is absolutely awesome about all the reporters being independent contractors? Depending on how much they’re paid (by the hour/by the article, and the rate, etc) they can still collect unemployment benefits on the weeks they make under a certain amount – I mean even before the Moonie Times went financially and morally bankrupt! So Ayn Rand’s way would enable Moonie Times workers to collect a paycheck AND government assistance – way to go Ayn!

Mr Blifil December 30, 2009 at 10:37 pm

There may be some openings at the Excellence In Broadcasting network…

Long Form Def Certificate December 30, 2009 at 10:47 pm

[re=487018]nbawriter[/re]: Don’t worry. She’s heading up to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to shoot for BurningAngel’s next “alt” feature, Vox Politicum.

GreenHalo December 30, 2009 at 10:54 pm

Even now, beneath a hundred stories of granite protecting Project Fox News, highly classified self-aware neural networks compete to figure out why that White House geek’s new fuck-toy is considered unclean and skanky, while girl-next-door sans principles Liz Glover causes snarky commentators to drench their shorts with starbursts.

It’s kind of cool, actually. Definite Air and Space Museum vibe. Audio-animatronic replicants of Kiran Chetry conduct tours daily, to those with the proper clearance. Try to make the scene on Tuesday; that’s Triple Leg Crossing day. You won’t be sorry.

kudzu December 30, 2009 at 11:12 pm

Glad to see that rag go down the toilet. As for Liz, well, that’s what you get for hanging out with conservatards. She’ll be OK, though. She’s smart and witty and she’ll have no problem finding something else to do.

P Drizzle December 31, 2009 at 9:47 am

So do the Scientologists have a monthly newsletter or what? I hear LA is lovely this time of year.

binarian December 31, 2009 at 10:56 am

[re=487150]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: Yeah, I’ve about had it with Michelle and her grinning visage also.

Liz: Feel your pain, oh Great Videographer, today was my last day a large Northeastern financial institution who’s name begins with F and who I will from this point think as Fuckheads.

Ducksworthy December 31, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=487083]weejee[/re]: Thanks you weejee, That cleansed my brain of the horrible Bus and Malkin images.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 1, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Of course, the Washington Times won’t be fully closed until the mass suicide at the end.

And does anyone think it is weird that the Times needs to consult with someone to figure out what is news and what is not?

Murphious January 3, 2010 at 12:08 pm

There isn’t an un-biased source for news in the USA anyway, so no biggie…
Publishing on paper is as dead as the dinosaur.
Read Reuters for news.

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