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Use your teeth, AllenPETE SESSIONS INSANELY GAY FOR TERRIBLE CRIMINAL: “Just hours after federal agents charged banker Allen Stanford with fleecing investors of $7 billion, the disgraced financier received a message from one of Congress’ most powerful members, Pete Sessions. ‘I love you and believe in you,’ said the e-mail sent on Feb. 17. ‘If you want my ear/voice — e-mail,’ it said, signed ‘Pete.'” So… they’re fucking. [Miami Herald]

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55 COMMENTS

  1. I’m so, so sorry the Alaska delegation of Young and Stevens and Murkowski didn’t get in on this. Sounds like ‘way more fun than those grimy, low-rent oil industry “subsidies” in stuffy hotel rooms. Don Young is probably crying himself blind with jealousy.

  2. Bernie made such a big splash that my first thought at the news of Allen Stanford was “Thank god he’s not another Jew.” Of course we still have Lieberman around to reinforce the self-loathing.

  3. I wonder what odd evolutionary twist it took to make the Republican gene coincide 100% with the presence of the “My asshole converts folding currency into lube” gene.

    I’ll go with cousin fucking as a first guess.

  4. Here comes Pete Sessions again
    With the liquor and drugs
    And the flesh machine
    He’s gonna do another strip tease.
    Hey man, where’d ya get that lotion?
    I’ve been hurting since I’ve bought the gimmick
    about something called love
    Yeah, something called love.
    Well, that’s like hypnotizing chickens.
    Well, I’m just a modern guy
    Of course, I’ve had it in the ear before.
    I have a lust for life
    ‘Cause of a lust for life.

  5. “Agents are examining campaign dollars, as well as lavish Caribbean trips funded by Stanford for politicians and their spouses, feting them with lobster dinners and caviar.”

    Whatever filthy sex games these people are into, why did they have to bring shellfish into it?! Won’t somebody think of the roe?

  6. Don’t forget, this is the same (eager) asshole who proclaimed the Taliban to be the role models for House Republicans during the Obama administration, so this really isn’t so bad…at least by comparison.

  7. [re=485800]Lee[/re]:
    From Wikipedia;
    “In July 2007, [US Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Closet, Ill.)] proposed what he sees as a long term solution to the problem of Mexican immigration: shipping condoms to poor areas of Mexico.”

    The Kirk’s orginal proposal was ‘buttsecks’, but staff caught it in time.

  8. I want to point out that Pete Sessions is a Republican representing Dallas – as in Texas. This is despite the fact that the story was from the Miami Herald. We have way too many jackass republicans from Florida in Congress as it is – we don’t need to claim one from Texas as our own. Is this related to Pox Gnus always identifying any republican in hot water as a democrat?

  9. “That is why Congressman Sessions has made transparency and accountability central to his commitment to fiscal responsibility. To shine the light on government operations and tax dollar use, Congressman Sessions supports the following priorities….” From the Honorable Member of Congress’s website. List of bullshit priorities omitted.

  10. [re=485914]CanadianBacon[/re]: Think of the wasted ad dollars promoting Malkin’s appearance to the Wonketteers. It sort of makes up for looking at her face, really.

  11. The part that is worthy of attention here is that this wasn’t originally caught by the justice department, it was investigated as a Ponzi scheme by the SEC and refferred when the links to the Pols turned up.
    I think we should investigate everyone who contributes large amounts of money to politicians, as the police like to say, you don’t hand money to the crack man unless you’re buying crack,

  12. [re=485800]Lee[/re]: That’s a very, very good question. The local press certainly seems to be giving a certain amount of traction to the rantings of Martin, who has long been known to be bugfuck crazy.

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