'EAR/VOICE -- E-MAIL'  4:23 pm December 28, 2009

by Jim Newell

Use your teeth, AllenPETE SESSIONS INSANELY GAY FOR TERRIBLE CRIMINAL: “Just hours after federal agents charged banker Allen Stanford with fleecing investors of $7 billion, the disgraced financier received a message from one of Congress’ most powerful members, Pete Sessions. ‘I love you and believe in you,’ said the e-mail sent on Feb. 17. ‘If you want my ear/voice — e-mail,’ it said, signed ‘Pete.’” So… they’re fucking. [Miami Herald]

 
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{ 55 comments }

bago December 28, 2009 at 4:25 pm

They’re on a fucking first name basis.

Extemporanus December 28, 2009 at 4:32 pm

To Sir, with love.

(And a little teeth.)

SayItWithWookies December 28, 2009 at 4:34 pm

“If you want my voice” translated means “if you want to look for my tonsils with your penis.”

GeneralLerong December 28, 2009 at 4:34 pm

I’m so, so sorry the Alaska delegation of Young and Stevens and Murkowski didn’t get in on this. Sounds like ‘way more fun than those grimy, low-rent oil industry “subsidies” in stuffy hotel rooms. Don Young is probably crying himself blind with jealousy.

Sweet Baby Cheeses December 28, 2009 at 4:34 pm

I guess Stanford is getting his Peter Sessions in jail now.

Red Zeppelin December 28, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Florida Republican. Check. Closeted gay. Check. Financial shenanigans. Check. The only question is whether this is newsworthy.

Come here a minute December 28, 2009 at 4:36 pm

So! You never know when that sparkin’ thing is going to happen.

betterDeadThanRed December 28, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Bernie made such a big splash that my first thought at the news of Allen Stanford was “Thank god he’s not another Jew.” Of course we still have Lieberman around to reinforce the self-loathing.

Ducksworthy December 28, 2009 at 4:37 pm

So will the feds probe Session’s orifices to see which are stuffed with Stanford’s semen stained $100 bills?

Snarkalicious December 28, 2009 at 4:38 pm

I wonder what odd evolutionary twist it took to make the Republican gene coincide 100% with the presence of the “My asshole converts folding currency into lube” gene.

I’ll go with cousin fucking as a first guess.

S.Luggo December 28, 2009 at 4:39 pm

Dear Jeff:
And I’m gonna give you every inch of my love.
— Allen

chascates December 28, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Soul mates. Both slimey asshats.

S.Luggo December 28, 2009 at 4:44 pm

[re=485781]Snarkalicious[/re]: “You’ve got to give [Stanford] credit, he got the best bang for his buck.”
Indeed.

DiscoUkulele December 28, 2009 at 4:47 pm

If you want my mouth/ass — e-mail

Prommie December 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm

Y’all have dirty, sick perverted elite liberal minds. He was just trying to get ahold of some of Stanford’s Bud Light.

Extemporanus December 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=485784]S.Luggo[/re]: Dear Allen:

FIVE AND A HALF INCHES, ALLEN! FIVE AND A HALF INCHES!!1

XOXO,
Jeff

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 28, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Here comes Pete Sessions again
With the liquor and drugs
And the flesh machine
He’s gonna do another strip tease.
Hey man, where’d ya get that lotion?
I’ve been hurting since I’ve bought the gimmick
about something called love
Yeah, something called love.
Well, that’s like hypnotizing chickens.
Well, I’m just a modern guy
Of course, I’ve had it in the ear before.
I have a lust for life
‘Cause of a lust for life.

AnnieGetYourFun December 28, 2009 at 4:51 pm

“Agents are examining campaign dollars, as well as lavish Caribbean trips funded by Stanford for politicians and their spouses, feting them with lobster dinners and caviar.”

Whatever filthy sex games these people are into, why did they have to bring shellfish into it?! Won’t somebody think of the roe?

elburrito December 28, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Why are you so cynical… he was just talking about a nice handjob.

Lee December 28, 2009 at 4:52 pm
d23 December 28, 2009 at 4:59 pm

they are all criminal. Indite them all, convict them, and let’s start over from scratch.

Mr Blifil December 28, 2009 at 5:03 pm

The only thing more sexy than a wealthy financier is a disgraced formerly wealthy financier. I mean, what’s not to love?

Buzz Feedback December 28, 2009 at 5:13 pm

Who wouldn’t put their dikk in Pete Sessions’ ear?

Brendan M. December 28, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Don’t forget, this is the same (eager) asshole who proclaimed the Taliban to be the role models for House Republicans during the Obama administration, so this really isn’t so bad…at least by comparison.

stew December 28, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Ear? Aural Sex?

S.Luggo December 28, 2009 at 5:24 pm

[re=485800]Lee[/re]:
From Wikipedia;
“In July 2007, [US Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Closet, Ill.)] proposed what he sees as a long term solution to the problem of Mexican immigration: shipping condoms to poor areas of Mexico.”

The Kirk’s orginal proposal was ‘buttsecks’, but staff caught it in time.

PrairiePossum December 28, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Whoever said money can’t buy you love never met Pete Sessions. He has plenty of love for sale.

S.Luggo December 28, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=485819]PrairiePossum[/re]: Cole Porter. Kudos.

problemwithcaring December 28, 2009 at 5:29 pm

[re=485788]DiscoUkulele[/re]: Teehee!

Lascauxcaveman December 28, 2009 at 5:33 pm

Stanford, that’s the guy that effed up the cricket, i’nt, he?

ManchuCandidate December 28, 2009 at 5:37 pm

I guess there’s a rear entry into Session’s Klan Robes.

Snarkalicious December 28, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=485818]S.Luggo[/re]: That would be my Congressman. Gawd wut a clustermunge.

CivicHoliday December 28, 2009 at 5:49 pm

The Christmas Spirit is still alive and well. Thanks for the late present, Santa! I needed a laugh today!

getoffmylawn December 28, 2009 at 5:54 pm

yep, lends a whole new meaning to the banking concepts of “deposit” and “withdrawal.”

Justin Time December 28, 2009 at 5:58 pm

I want to point out that Pete Sessions is a Republican representing Dallas – as in Texas. This is despite the fact that the story was from the Miami Herald. We have way too many jackass republicans from Florida in Congress as it is – we don’t need to claim one from Texas as our own. Is this related to Pox Gnus always identifying any republican in hot water as a democrat?

Scooter December 28, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Isn’t Dubya one of Pete Sessions constituents? He’s really just representin’, ya know?

oldguy December 28, 2009 at 9:11 pm

“That is why Congressman Sessions has made transparency and accountability central to his commitment to fiscal responsibility. To shine the light on government operations and tax dollar use, Congressman Sessions supports the following priorities….” From the Honorable Member of Congress’s website. List of bullshit priorities omitted.

AxmxZ December 28, 2009 at 9:27 pm

Ear/voice I’ll give you for free, but for ass you still pay fifty upfront.

What Fresh Hell is This? December 28, 2009 at 9:42 pm

Worst Bob Dylan/The Band album ever: “The Peter Sessions.”

CanadianBacon December 28, 2009 at 10:14 pm

I bet if you go to Pete Sessions web site you won’t see a picture promoting Michelle Malkin. At least there are some lines even he won’t cross.

Cicada December 28, 2009 at 10:20 pm

[re=485914]CanadianBacon[/re]: Think of the wasted ad dollars promoting Malkin’s appearance to the Wonketteers. It sort of makes up for looking at her face, really.

S.Luggo December 28, 2009 at 10:32 pm

[re=485899]oldguy[/re]:
“Transparency and accountability? … In Antigua we don’t need no stinkin’ transparency and accountability!”

With Allen, Jeff in a lovely, diaphanous Haole shirt.
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/images/sessions-stanford-bl.jpg
So not ghey.

CanadianBacon December 28, 2009 at 10:41 pm

[re=485917]Cicada[/re]: The ad is paid for by Pepto-Bismol, they are making money off our suffering.

S.Luggo December 28, 2009 at 11:50 pm

re=485812]Buzz Feedback[/re]:
Who would want to be where Jason Chaffetz (R: And-the-colored-girls-go, Utah) has already gone?

[re=485914]CanadianBacon[/re]:
Sessions is also obsessed with the sweetness of young boy love, also. E,g,: http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/07/289_malkin4.jpg

Jefferson Beauregard “Jeff” Sessions III.
Isn’t it a pity, isn‘t it a shame?

AKAM80TheWolf December 29, 2009 at 1:20 am

Who decided it would be a good idea to stack ads of Malkin’s vicious taint AND Emperor Gayface? No mas!

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 6:13 am

Well, Mr Sessions, what have you got in the freezer?

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 6:16 am

Now, would Pete Sessions defend Mark Kirk from Andy Martin?

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 6:17 am

Republicans will do anything to get in on a ponzi scheme.

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 6:18 am

Anything on Marc Foley’s Facebook page about this?

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 6:19 am

Ah, yes, the BUSINESS of government.

Bruno December 29, 2009 at 6:25 am

So what is he using to communicate emails to his ear? These genetic mutations are becoming so confusing

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 6:57 am

The GOP is just so GAY these days!

thesheriffisnear December 29, 2009 at 7:46 am

Putting the “White” in white-collar crime.

dijetlo December 29, 2009 at 8:36 am

The part that is worthy of attention here is that this wasn’t originally caught by the justice department, it was investigated as a Ponzi scheme by the SEC and refferred when the links to the Pols turned up.
I think we should investigate everyone who contributes large amounts of money to politicians, as the police like to say, you don’t hand money to the crack man unless you’re buying crack,

Halloween Jack December 29, 2009 at 1:57 pm

[re=485800]Lee[/re]: That’s a very, very good question. The local press certainly seems to be giving a certain amount of traction to the rantings of Martin, who has long been known to be bugfuck crazy.

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