Wonkette
David Diaperman Vitter is, of course, a repulsive scumbag who pays hookers to change his poopy diapers and then goes to the Senate to screech wingnut inanities. The Politico, on the other hand, is exactly the same thing, but available as a website or handout. And so it is that the Politico breathlessly reports not on David Vitter being a disgusting sex criminal, but on David Vitter being an asshole to people in the Russell Senate Building coffee shop.
After diaper-pooping and Senate buffoonery, nothing makes David Vitter happier than barging through some line or yelling at people who work at the airport or stomping over a bunch of “little people” waiting to get a cup of coffee. This last thing, that is what he did at the “Cups coffee shop,” in the “basement of the Russell Senate Office Building.” Oh noes can you believe it, he just cut the line and the employee made him a cup of coffee. Here is what the Politico source said about this evil motherfucker:
“I was like, ‘What?’” said POLITICO’s incredulous spy. “But you couldn’t say anything. I mean, he’s a Senator.”
Ha, right, idiot. You can’t say anything about a Senator! Not in this country! [Politico]
I vote Politico.
Don’t link to Politico! Every time poltico gets a link Roger Simon gets to eat a child.
Wonder why Vitter didn’t have an intern running to get him coffee. Or better yet, a coffee maker in his office somewhere.
Maybe he was on his way to get a coffee enema.
Politico is really ripping the lid off corruption in Washington! They follow these stories no matter where they lead!
I guess they have to put something in there to fill the space until the next Cheeeeeney tongue bath.
What a great day for journalism. The worst of these is whoever feels the least humiliated. And either way, we all lose.
Terry: It’s because Vitter doesn’t want to lose contact with the little people.
The sooner he gets his coffee the sooner he gets to make boom boom on the potty.
Give him a break. He could have been in a hurry. Senators are busy people. The three minutes he would’ve wasted waiting in line like everyone else could have cost millions of people their homes, or worse…THEIR LIVES.
magic titty: He make boom boom in diaper.
Do we really have to choose? I’m sure there’s enough dicks in the bag for both of them.
Vitter: a bitter sitter.
Vitter’s given new meaning to the word “asshole” by providing so many reasons to focus on his.
Politico has spys? Do they wear trenchcoats and wide brimmed hats?
And he that is first shall be first and everybody else can suck it, sayeth the Jeebus (Vitter version).
Christ wore a diaper. Vitter wears a diaper. Vitter is Christ. Does Allbritton wear diapers too? That’s two Christs or is one the antichrist?
Cape Clod: Politico has spys? Do they wear trenchcoats and wide brimmed hats?
For following Vitter, they wear a bustier and a diaper, and carry a riding crop. Come to think of it, they dress that way to follow all the republican senators.
Given it was Vitter, he was probably drinking Civet cat poop coffee……or maybe a personal blend.
It’s very surprising that someone at Politico other than Ben Smith was actually willing to say something bad about a Republican.
freakishlystrong: And he’s going to fill it to the rim, with Brim.
Later, Vitter was seen at a Northern Virginia convenience store:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOrDN21yoGk
Then, at at Teabaggers rally:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjwucJ5ukk8
freakishlystrong: Only when he pays someone to watch.
magic titty: freakishlystrong: Who’s da BOOM KING?
Terry: After he got the coffee he threw it away. It was just an excuse to abuse someone.
At least Politico gives Mike Allen a job, which keeps him out of bus station men’s rooms looking to give hummers to winos, allowing him instead to give them to Dick Cheney, freeing Lynn or Liz up from having to touch his ancient, flaccid Mr. Happy parts too often. In short, they provide a service.
David Vitter just shits himself and pays a prostitute $250 an hour to clean it up and then spank him for being a naughty boy (which wrecks hell on proper potty training, but whatever). Another valuable service, and a great boon to the black market/shadow economy also, but still. Plus he cuts people off who’ve been patiently standing in line, who need their jolt of java too - and that’s just not right, keeping hard working Americans from their perfectly legal drug of necessity.
So yeah, Vitter. And this is the only time I’ll ever vote for him for anything.
Was he wearing his cape of imperial purple with gold-star decorations? I hear Senators get to wear those.
vladster: Vitter does not call them diapers.
He prefers the high fashion term “port-à-potté”.
At least when Vitter says “This coffee tastes like shit,” he knows what he’s talking about.
Ehhh, stuff it in yer diaper, Vitter! (best said with a jersey accent)
Fox News Light: and Mike Allen gets a juice box.
NJB: Are you proposing the slogan
“Politico: In shorts, they provide a service”
Can you wipe your ass w/Politico?
Tough choice there, Wonk. They both distribute fecal matter and each has its/his consumers thereof. I know: The hell with ‘em both.
I see a fire hydrant in his future.
Country Club Jihadi: He’s good to the very last PLOP!
Can you blame Vitter? Do you know what it costs to keep a whore waiting?
He prolly keeps fresh poop in his diapers to be ushered through lines that much faster. Stinky little boy.
Why does this bring to mind the South Park coffee-diarrhea episode? I can’t believe Rupert Murdoch hasn’t grasped this lucrative 21st century media model yet:
1. Steal Vitter’s poopy coffee-scented diapers.
2. Write about it on a free website.
3. ——-
4. Profit!
Politico track down Senator Vitter, and has released their hard hitting interview with him:
Politico: Senator Vitter, do you think you did anything wrong?
David Vitter: No.
Politico: Thank you for your openness, Senator Vitter.
People like Vitter are the ones scarlet letters, stocks, and tar and feathers were invented for. Sometimes shame just doesn’t stick as it ought.
RoscoePColtraine: I think that’s just bass ackwards. The more time Vitter spends away from his office or the senate chamber the safer we all are.
ShiningMathPath: No, I wasn’t, but I like it.
SayItWithWookies: Please refrain from using the words “Cheney” and “tongue bath” in the same sentence again. I really hate puking up my spleen.
Hey, from the neck down, that looks like David Vitter!
bago: no disrespect!
The first thing I thought was that this was the same mentality that resulted in another Republican senator flashing his senate ID card and saying, “What do you think of THAT?”
Why, if I met Senator Vitter in a coffee shop line, I wouldn’t hesitate to give him a big hearty “elcome!”
I’m backing Vitter on this one, because fuck Politico. It was a Senate office building. When diaper boy shows up at the Politico office, they can make HIM wait.
Depends.
Extemporanus: Shouldn’t that be prêt-a-port-a-potté?
WadISay: Your longshot came in. The gaming windows are now closed.
blinky_twinkie: Yes, I suppose if one is aiming for grammatically correct surrender monkey-ese, it would be.
However, in deference to the Real Americans who read Wonkette and only speak a rudimentary dialect of Freedom, I opted for a portmanteau rooted more in syllabic similarity to the foreign phrase, and easy familiarity to the pronounciation of the source object, rather than something accurate and gay and shit.
(Just kidding! The only reason I didn’t go with pret-à-potté is ’cause I couldn’t finger out how to stick the little beanie on the ‘e’ in pret. See! Still can’t.)
Mr Blifil: Coming from a guy who has seen a dirty diaper or two in recent memory, I’ll wager, this is significant.
proudgrampa: You are awesome.
WadISay: I admit I do smell my son’s nether garments upon occasion. I should point out that on those occasions, so does the rest of the surrounding 4 boroughs.
Can all of us just agree: Politico sucks. It’s terrible journalism.
Terry: Would you drink out of a coffee machine in Vitter’s office?
Mr Blifil: One of the most common items in the subway flotsam/jetsam category: used (read: full) diapers. No shit.
This is a trick question, right? Right???
Ibsen anticipated Vitter 125 years ago when he wrote “Enema of the People.”
Joey Ratz: No, not at all. It’s simply the unreleased stanza from Laurie Anderson’s “Smoke Rings.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXvn_W6Fg00
Terry: They have a huge Community Coffee maker in his office (it’s a Louisiana thing). I don’t get it either.
Has someone said Senator Vitter is used to being pampered when he picks up his coffee already? Just making sure all bases are covered.
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I prefer the titular honorarium, “Diaper Dave,” myself. Sort of like “Super Dave” with a porcelain twist…
Glenn Thrush? Is that like a porn name or something? That said, any guy that works into a definition of Vitter “sex scandal survivor” gets my vote as coolest reporter at The Politico, which is like the easiest award to win, as you simply have to not suck for two whole minutes in your writing.
Fox News Light: Not that anyone cares, but I didn’t know Roger Simon was ill when I said he eats children. For that I apologize.
Slimy pimps and slaves of the scum is what Mark Twain said!
proudgrampa: Well, the intern could help him with that in the office, too.
Buzz Feedback: If it’s typical newsprint, probably you wouldn’t want to. You’d get printer’s ink on your butt!
Why didn’t someone just tell him “end of the line, asshole!”?
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