C’MON! SINISTER DAVID BROOKS CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED JOHN THUNE (R-SD) IS “SUN-CHAPPED” IN A “PRAIRIE” SORT OF WAY: “The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome (John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now). If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.” [New York Times]

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  1. Were those the same sun chapped hands that groped his thigh at some Washington dinner a while back? Maybe when he told MSNBC about it he wasn’t confessing, he was bragging.

  2. Yes David. It’s all about the, er, size and not the shitty, short sighted policies you and your clan of retarded orc babies are peddling.

  3. Like most Republican politicians, he looks more tanned in a spray-on-can sort of way.

    But David, you should show some guts and tell Sen. Thune how you really feel. If you don’t take the risk, you’ll never get to be happy with the closeted, bathroom-stall contact you crave, instead just sadly pining away from afar.

  4. He was orphaned and raised by a family of prairie chickens?

    I can just see this brainless dickwad’s campaign slogan “2012 Can’t Come Thune Enough!” HAW HAW HAW

  5. If John McCain had John Thune’s face he would have been able to escape in the back of that ambulance and then kill his psychiatrist on Turks and Caicos. And the lambs would finally be silent, Clarice.

  6. Does Brooks know about this part?

    “An evangelical Christian, Thune graduated with a B.A. degree in Business from Biola University, an Evangelical Christian college near Los Angeles in 1983. He married the former Kimberley Weems of Doland, South Dakota, in 1984; both are committed Evangelical Christians.”

    Biola U? No, Wikipedia is not making that up:

    Jesus healing for those who served! Way better than the VA, that hideous socialized medicine institution!

  7. If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.

    I smell a game of Horse in the offing.

  8. “If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama…”. Yeah, because that’s all that matters about being El Hefe–body type & athletic grace.

    David needs some time off, I believe. He’s starting to sound like the guy (George Will?) bitching about how uncivilized we’re becoming because we all wear dungaress nowadays.

  9. Oh, right — President Obama won the nomination and the office because of his body type. Now all the Republicans have to do is find someone equally fit who espouses their primitive, paranoid, medieval, American excepionalist warmongering values and bam — 2012 in the bag.

  10. A Senator from South Dakota, so he represents nine people, yes, I really care what he has to say, unfortunately our current system of government allows him to have the same influence as a NY or Cali Senator who represents several million people. We need to combine several square states and strip them of their representatives before we get any real representational government around here.

  11. I’m wondering A LOT about David Brooks and his sexuality. I am going to ask someone who should really know. Maybe I’ll get an answer this time.

  12. Yes, he’s like Obama but without that sordid mulatto stain upon him. I’m waiting for the swimsuit competition before I pass judgment (and really, which of the two do you all think lives up to a Speedo?), so all I’ll say now is that if McCain had his face, he’d be Trig’s father.

  13. He’s right, though. “A body type that is long and thing and muscular enough for you to believe in” might have been an awkward campaign slogan, but Obama won, am I rite??

    I love how they still haven’t figured out why Obama connected with people. First it was because he was “the black candidate,” so they vote in the blue muppet as RNC head to counteract that. Then blue muppet starts talking about running his hip hop outreach program, because it was clearly Obama the hip hop candidate who appealed to so many. Now it’s…Obama the ectomorph? At least they not making a secret of how little they think policy and ideas matter.

  14. Yeah, that small-town-midwestern-happy-white-people-values act works so well these days. If they can just keep them meskins ‘n coloreds n’ queeros from uh-votin’.

  15. Yay, another east-coast intellectual Republican waxing rhapsodic over some politician mainly because they live in a borderline third-world state whose only intelligent non-redneck citizen left years ago, actually takes the Bible seriously, and looks convincing in a cowboy hat. I have a dream that one day, a Jewish intellectual Georgetown-dwelling Republican pundit will wax rhapsodic over a Jewish intellectual Georgetown-dwelling Republican politician.

  16. [re=458004]Hooray For Anything[/re]: “I have a dream that one day, a Jewish intellectual Georgetown-dwelling Republican pundit will wax rhapsodic over a Jewish intellectual Georgetown-dwelling Republican politician.”

    You might want to be careful what you wish for. I think that the last time they did that was for Henry Kissinger.

  17. This was a column I skimmed at 7 in the morning and knew was destined for Wonkette. There’s no way he’s so secure in his sexuality he won’t reflect on this and consider that he might be gay.

  18. I lived in SD for a while and was active-ish in politics… I know a good many people who have met Thune and words like “dim bulb” and “fucking idiot” get thrown around a fair amount.

    Actually, I WANT this guy to run. GOP disasters are good disasters!

  19. “Were those the same sun chapped hands that groped his thigh at some Washington dinner a while back?”

    I’m beginning to believe that Brooks was stroking his own thigh.

  20. Could Wonkette just pre-emptively out all the self-evidently gay conservative pundits and governors? Since apparently one thing you need to surrender to be a member of Jeebusland is any reliable gaydar? How hard could this be?

  21. [re=457947]V572625694[/re]: From Biola website:
    Biola University is a private Christian university located in Southern California. For over 100 years, Biola — a community where all faculty, staff and students are professing Christians — has been committed to biblically centered education, intentional spiritual development and vocational preparation.

    With more than 145 academic programs through its seven schools, Biola offers degrees ranging from B.A. to Ph.D.

    How the hell can anyone learn anything in an environment where everybody “professes” the same thing.

  22. Years ago (in the days before anyone ever thought of something so conservative as “gay marriage”) there was a fabulous little book entitled “Gay Semiotics” that pictorially represented the “codes” conveyed visually via back-pocket handkerchiefs by gay men who were cruising. This column reads like a textual version of the images in that book, as addressed to members of the Log Cabin Club.

  23. Whoa….this guy went to BIOLA? I used to know a bunch of people who went there who would come to USC to hang out somewhere they could drink. They were the fucking dumbest people–borderline retarded dumb, every single one–I have ever met. Seriously, it’s right up there with Liberty U. and Ozarks Bible College or whatever. That said, they were very nice.

    [re=457970]red sky[/re]: Yes, N & S Dakota should be forcibly merged into just Dakota…and Kanslahoma has a nice ring, don’t you think? Or maybe Kanbraska?

  24. “(John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now)”

    Ah, those silly women-folk, always voting with their vajayjays.

    Though I suppose they did, in a sense: women didn’t want Sarah Palin anywhere near their plumbing.

  25. “His father was a Naval aviator in World War II and a genuine war hero. ”

    and what does that have to do with the son, pray tell?

    “John was a high school basketball star and possesses idyllic small-town manners”

    what are idyllic manners?

    this is an unbelieveably crappy piece of writing. The Times is dead as far as I’m concerned.

  26. [re=458131]zoeb[/re]: Here are some “idyllic small-town manners”: helps old ladies across the street, says “thank you” and “ma’am” to everyone, cries at Boy Scout ceremonies, and consistently votes against gay rights but uses coded language to hide deep-seated homophobia and is very polite to gay people when he meets them.

    This is opposed to “non idyllic big-city manners” which largely consists of giving everyone else the finger, ripping off your dealer, having threesomes with hookers, and cutting in line to get into the hottest gay club

  27. [re=458024]OReillysVibrator[/re]: I thought the same thing. Only I skipped over the “might be gay” and went directly to “Oh sister girl please.”

  28. [re=457960]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s the same sharp Republican reasoning that put Michael Steele in charge of the RNC — same “body type,” see?

  29. David Brooks has once again proven himself to be a half retarded mouth breathing man-child who tries to portray himself as some sort of intellectual. Thune is a complete tool. If Bobo thinks he is the manly man who is going to roll in from the bleached tundra of Fucking South Dakota and defeat Barry in 2012 he must be smoking some serious hash these days.

  30. [re=458171]Hooray For Anything[/re]:

    sorry, you misunderstood me–I was snarking because this is what idyllic means:

    ·dyl·lic (-dlk)
    1. Of or having the nature of an idyll.
    2. Simple and carefree: an idyllic vacation in a seashore cottage.

    you could talk about an idyllic place, but not idyllic manners–that was sloppy writing.

    Brooks could have said–“he has the manners of someone from an idyllic small town”.

    kind of awkward, though.

  31. The valedictorian of my HS (Class of 66) went to Biola: she also was a truly talented classical piano player; her parent were missionaries. She wasn’t a Prejean type, but earnest and sincere. She wore her hair in braids. we were merciless towards her (god rest my adolescent hippie soul, even now).
    David Brooks is a dim bulb. Also.

  32. [re=457947]V572625694[/re]: Back when I was a teenage Roller, it was Biola College. It started out as Bible Institute of Los Angeles but I guess they liked those federal dollars. I guess they stacked a bidnis skool on top of the undergrad to make themselves a University. All the other Christian skools were doing it, I guess.

  33. Sorry, but is David really wrong? We really are that shallow and have been for a very long time. Looks and build actually do count for something in politics. He’s not saying that looks and build are a game-changer, but that they matter. I can’t believe I’m agreeing with this douchebag.

  34. [re=457986]bitchincamaro[/re]: I have to wonder if he’s seriously constipated. It’d explain almost as much as the Closet Ghey theory.

    Not-a-Doctor BerkeleyFarm prescribes probiotics and a blowjob.

  35. God damn I wish I hadn’t been at work all day yesterday so I could have commented on this! Scuttlebutt has always been that though my alter ego is not gay, he is something of a womanizer. He’s a good campaigner and beloved by wingnuts all over the country, but sure doesn’t have our Barry’s mental acuity.

    Thune/Potted Plant 2012!

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