A HOCKEY STICK! The lucky object that Levi Johnston oriented around his naked body in such a way as to accentuate his penis or clean fingernails or whatever in the sex pictures he’s doing. Congratulations to a hockey stick, which presumably beat out some sort of physical manifestation of Twitter and Graydon Carter’s fancyman hairpiece to get the gig. [US]

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  1. “People are going to see more of Levi than they thought,” Jones tells Us. “There was a hockey stick involved.”
    Great. I look forward to some candid shots of his descending colon.

  2. Not sure if that’s good or bad. Good: your dick is as long as a hockey stick; Bad: your dick is as skinny as a hockey stick. Although I’m in TX where hockey ain’t a real AMERICAN sport (see Football) so I could be wrong about the circumference thingy.

  3. Dear Wonkette:

    You and Us (the magazine, not the real us) are a victim of a tragic spelling error. There is no hockey stick involved, merely a stocky hick.

    We regret the error, but spellcheck doesn’t catch everything.

    Yours with best gay porn wishes,

    The Editors of Playgirl

  4. [re=457711]proudgrampa[/re]: He’s a cute 19 year old boy, but I would feel a little dirty-old-womanish looking at his “Johnson”. His only real usefulness is as a tool to bring Snowbilly’s hypocritical Christian-y empire to a massive implosion.

  5. How is it possible that Levi Johnston will soon be on the cover of Time magazine while you and I are reduced to lampooning him here?

    What the hell was God thinking when she invented pop culture and celebrities?

    Or did we…of our own free will…invent them ourselves?

    Either way, we’re all going to Hell. And deservedly.


  6. [re=457711]proudgrampa[/re]: Yes, he’s gorgeous, IMO. I like his type. Cute, well muscled yet not gross about it, a little dumb and naked. All the things I like in a feller.

  7. [re=457717]iambiguous[/re]:

    Some things in life are bad
    They can really make you mad
    Other things just make you swear and curse.
    When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
    Don’t grumble, give a whistle
    And this’ll help things turn out for the best…

    And…always look on the bright side of life…
    Always look on the light side of life…

    If life seems jolly rotten
    There’s something you’ve forgotten
    And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
    When you’re feeling in the dumps
    Don’t be silly chumps
    Just purse your lips and whistle – that’s the thing.

    And…always look on the bright side of life…
    Always look on the light side of life…

    For life is quite absurd
    And death’s the final word
    You must always face the curtain with a bow.
    Forget about your sin – give the audience a grin
    Enjoy it – it’s your last chance anyhow.

    So always look on the bright side of death
    Just before you draw your terminal breath

    Life’s a piece of shit
    When you look at it
    Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
    You’ll see it’s all a show
    Keep ’em laughing as you go
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

    And always look on the bright side of life…
    Always look on the right side of life…
    (Come on guys, cheer up!)
    Always look on the bright side of life…
    Always look on the bright side of life…
    (Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
    Always look on the bright side of life…
    (I mean – what have you got to lose?)
    (You know, you come from nothing – you’re going back to nothing.
    What have you lost? Nothing!)

    Always look on the right side of life…

  8. [re=457711]proudgrampa[/re]: I’ve already written to Santa for a copy in my stocking. He’s cute, not super-attractive especially when speaking, but cute nonetheless.

  9. [re=457711]proudgrampa[/re]: No. And thanks for asking. I find him to be completely and unequivocally unarousing. He strikes me as the type of dude who is far more enamored with his own anatomy and “desirability” than that of any of his female prospects.

  10. Darn, if McCain had only gone with Mark Sanford, we wouldn’t have had anything to talk about.

    As they said in reviewing potential candidates in February 08 on “Sarah Palin: She’s the extremely popular, very attractive, very young governor of Alaska. She’s appealing and fairly conservative, but she’s a little too inexperienced for the job since she’s only been governor of Alaska since 2006.”

  11. This fifteen minutes of fame thing is getting out of hand. I am torn between wishing the whole snowbilly extended family would drop off the face of the earth, and wishing that Levi decides to run for Governor.

    Proudgrampa: NoPants said it best: “a little dumb and naked.” Yes, sadly, he is attractive. In just the same way as Sarah Palin, or would be, if she were naked.

  12. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but more and more I find myself liking young Levi. I mean, he’s cute enough, but not really my type, and I doubt there’s any genius there, but he seems to have some sort of brain buried in there somewhere. He’s another celebrity-for-no-reason, but hasn’t quite yet gone batshit like all the other famewhores seem to. Maybe because he’s capitalizing on an accident more than indulging dysfunction? I don’t know, but I don’t hate him, and hope he continues to be successful.

  13. I first saw this and I thought it was a Beavis and Butthead reference, then I thought it was someone getting moose head, then I read the article. And lost interest. Levi who?

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