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TODAY IN THE INTERNET

Dudes Check Out This ‘Sarah Palin’s Accomplishments’ Blog Post

Read this whole thing. [Sarah Palin's Accomplishments via Blue Gal]


3:03 PM on Mon November 9 2009
By Jim Newell
6139 Views

  1. JohnnyMeatworth says at 3:07 pm, November 9th, 2009

    http://sarahs-accomplishments.blogspot.com, can I buy some pot from you?

  2. user-of-owls says at 3:07 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Under what category on her resume does she list:

    “Fisted Ghost Reagan’s Nose”

  3. StoneAge says at 3:07 pm, November 9th, 2009

    They snubbed Trig! Why do they hate her special needs baby (ie, America) so much?

  4. Downtheroadapiece says at 3:08 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Dear god, Jim. If you’re gonna bait us with effluvium like that at least be considerate and offer up a coupon for some Maalox or Pepto Bismol please. Some of us are eating lunch right now. Ugh.

  5. depraved indifference engine says at 3:09 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Are the captions meant to be above or below the images? Either way, it makes no sense.

    Also, which one of those captions represents the “Center-Left” perspective?

  6. Lawndarts says at 3:10 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Damn it Jim you know I can’t read!

  7. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend says at 3:10 pm, November 9th, 2009

    This is satire, right?

    RIGHT?!?

  8. salt_bagel says at 3:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Palin/Al from Quantum Leap 2012!

  9. chascates says at 3:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The death of McCain-Palin 2008 was the birth of Sarah 2012…

    PLEASE to add Michele Bachmann to this fantasy!

  10. PsycGirl says at 3:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “The world will tremble beneath her sonic boom…”
    Those moose farts are the WORST.

  11. V572625694 says at 3:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Wow…just fucking wow. What really makes it wonderful is that there are no actual “accomplishments” in the sense that speakers of English use that term. I had to go back and look again at the blog’s title.

  12. Larry McAwful says at 3:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Are you sure that’s Ronald Reagan toasting her? Because it kind of looks like Dean Martin. Which is distrubing, because I’d probably vote for anyone who was toasted by the ghost of Dean Martin. Those are my standards.

  13. irisheyesagain says at 3:12 pm, November 9th, 2009

    So as far as I could tell, there were no accomplishments, just really shitty captioning. Hmmm. And for that matter- what sort of insurance coverage will we have for the “sonic boom” we’re all gonna feel?

  14. Larry McAwful says at 3:12 pm, November 9th, 2009

    depraved indifference engine: Everything but the header is center-left. It’s not just lousy HTML, though that’s part of it.

  15. Suds McKenzie says at 3:12 pm, November 9th, 2009

    These comments remind me of the opening lines of Zena Warrior Princess.

  16. J. Robert Oppenheiner says at 3:12 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Does anyone really think Sarah herself wrote the word “façade” ?

  17. Resurrected Jedi Reagan like at the end of Return of The Jedi? That’s a pretty good accomplishment, actually.

  18. Lascauxcaveman says at 3:13 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Excelsior! (Yeah, I read the whole thing. Do I get a cookie?)

  19. Juliebythesea says at 3:14 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The most absurd thing I’ve read in a long time WTF?

  20. Airborne Toxic Event says at 3:14 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Remember when Sarah was just Wonkette’s favorite GILF? Simpler times.

  21. rmontcal says at 3:14 pm, November 9th, 2009

    PsycGirl: I read it “sonic bosom” at first.

  22. Citizen_Sane says at 3:14 pm, November 9th, 2009

    ::tenting fingers a la Mr. Burns::

    Excellent.

  23. holy living fuck. it’s like Family Circus with the ghostly grandpa Reagan.

  24. brogonzo says at 3:14 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Sarah Palin and Zombie Reagan vs. the Decepticons, 2012!

  25. The Decider says at 3:15 pm, November 9th, 2009

    So, she’s going to smash everything in her wake? How do you make that look good in your campaign literature?

  26. Judas Peckerwood says at 3:15 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “…she is laser polished.”

    Indeed.

  27. Charizard, I choose you!

  28. <i..Followed by a High-G Vertical Climb…because she can…

    Sarah and Carrie Prejean, hitting the high-G because they can!

  29. The Decider says at 3:16 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I’d go vertical with her.

  30. Are you sure this isn’t satire? Between the ridiculous talking points, the constant fawning over both Palin and Reagan’s corpse, and those images, it can’t be real.

  31. predilectrix says at 3:17 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I see by “Dudes,” Jim, you literally meant men, as in only those who want to make a high-G vertical climb up her alimentary canal or otherwise thrust their Excalibur into her tree.

    Pink wallpaper aside, that’s some high testosterone shit in there.

  32. shadowMark says at 3:18 pm, November 9th, 2009
  33. Monsieur Grumpe says at 3:19 pm, November 9th, 2009

    If this is porn, I don’t like it.

  34. snideinplainsight says at 3:20 pm, November 9th, 2009

    She’s bone-ified!

  35. shypixel2 says at 3:20 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Dear Wonkette Editors,

    Thank you for making me dumber by suggesting I read that list.

    Also.

    Palin/Beck in ‘12!!!!!! (Also!)

  36. SayItWithWookies says at 3:21 pm, November 9th, 2009

    That’s Bill Kristol’s favorite porn site, I’m betting.

  37. doxastic says at 3:21 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Excelsior!

  38. rmontcal says at 3:21 pm, November 9th, 2009

    When I was in high school, I did some weird shit to impress girls that I wanted to bone. If Jesus had given me teh internets back then, I probably would have built a website like this for each lucky girl.

  39. PsycGirl: Maybe that’s because she’s got the same moveset as Guile? Remember the debates; Palin: “Sonic Boom!” Biden: “Yoga Flame” “Yoga Fire!”

  40. thesheriffisnear says at 3:22 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Sarah was in the Marines? Who knew?

  41. comicbookguy says at 3:22 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Look how she drives the Ghost of Reagan to drink.

    She is also a blacksmith and accomplished fighter pilot, apparently. She and Ice-Man started out as rivals, but then became friends.

  42. bitchincamaro says at 3:23 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: Needs more fisting.

  43. Violenza says at 3:23 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Knife SMASH Reagan! Was that the point of this? Oh, and something about a huge wet fart.

  44. blinky_twinkie says at 3:23 pm, November 9th, 2009

    All this site needs is a few shots of Edward Cullen to make it the perfect slash fic.

  45. Hooray For Anything says at 3:23 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Where was the crying eagle/WTC image?

  46. comicbookguy says at 3:24 pm, November 9th, 2009

    JMP: Sweet Zombie Reagan, there’s a “FARK IT” link.

  47. southerngeek says at 3:24 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Needs more lasers.

  48. user-of-owls says at 3:25 pm, November 9th, 2009

    There is actually one bit of accuracy in terms of accomplishments, right there in the post title:

    She did give birth to a re…..

  49. Monsieur Grumpe says at 3:25 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “The world will tremble beneath her sonic boom…”

    Uh, I got nothing.

  50. I think the scariest part was on one of the links posted on the site, check out this “warning”:

    1 COMMENTS:

    Hipple, Rev. Paul T. said…
    I will pray for Gov Mother Sarah Palin’s safety, especially in Grand Rapids, since there are more islamists living in Grand Rapids than anywhere else west of Mecca. Let’s hope Obama isn’t in charge of security for that visit.

    NOVEMBER 9, 2009 12:00 PM

  51. JMP: WTF? Obama = Dhalsim, of course. Biden = Zangief, obvs.

  52. Nigerian Business Executive says at 3:29 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Another important thing she’s done - and I’m surprised this didn’t make it into that very infomative post - was serve up Levi’s sweet nekkid Playgirl spread on a faux china platter. I, for one, and looking forward to the publication of this cultural record with the greatest anticipation.

    Thank you, Saracuda, for making your knocked-up adoescent daughter’s babbydaddy a figure of lust and ridicule the world round! My penis thanks you too. I mean, also.

  53. CycloneArmageddon says at 3:30 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Great. Now I’m insane.

  54. Dashboard_Buddha says at 3:30 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Epic suck

  55. Hopey dont play that game says at 3:30 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I need to update my resume to include erroneous references to mythology as accomplishments.

  56. bitchincamaro says at 3:31 pm, November 9th, 2009

    B,b,but what about the troops!?

  57. SnarkyMark says at 3:31 pm, November 9th, 2009

    SITE DISCLAIMER AND INFORMATION

    This site is not endorsed, authorized or operated by Governor Palin, her staff, or any other candidate or committee… but it is written by her. (Except maybe the word “circuitous.”)

  58. Hedley Lamar says at 3:31 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Does Reagan get to finish in her mouth, or does she just jerk him off?

  59. Einstein' says at 3:31 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Birth of Sarah 2012? Could there still be opposition to abortion now?

  60. Flanders says at 3:33 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Arggh! The site is crashing and won’t let me on!

  61. foulmouthed mrscreant says at 3:34 pm, November 9th, 2009

    V572625694: The only accomplishment on the thing was the demise of McCain/Palin 2008!

  62. Gorillionaire says at 3:34 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I enjoyed the obscure prog-rock album cover at the start.

  63. iantenna says at 3:34 pm, November 9th, 2009

    this is like in the new dvd version of return of the jedi where hayden christiansen got superimposed over whoever that other dude was while ewoks danced to some horrible new jammy jam instead of the original life-affirming nugget. only so much worse. so, so, so much worse.

  64. PrairiePossum says at 3:35 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Where are the blingee bananas jumping up and down and holding the “penis” signs?

  65. comicbookguy says at 3:36 pm, November 9th, 2009

    A good opening line for any serious resume would be: “The world will tremble beneath my sonic boom!”

  66. snideinplainsight says at 3:36 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I gotta say, the blogroll on that thing is an unending carnival of horror and insanity! Jim, you could serve up one site a day from that list, and we’d be busy (or institutionalized) well into the new year -

  67. SnarkyMark says at 3:37 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Dashboard_Buddha: Epic Suck is right. And check out *this* tasty lick: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=169376258434

  68. shadowMark says at 3:38 pm, November 9th, 2009

    If Sarah gets to be the first woman president of the US that woman married to Bill Clinton is going to need a hug.

  69. snideinplainsight says at 3:38 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Gorillionaire: God bless Roger Dean!

  70. The Station Manager says at 3:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    What you don’t see in that photo, if you’d pan down, is holographic Yoda, nodding approvingly.

  71. Lascauxcaveman says at 3:41 pm, November 9th, 2009

    shadowMark: Damn! I’d paint her vault. (Jesus, here comes the self-loathing again.)

  72. ladymacbeth says at 3:41 pm, November 9th, 2009

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

  73. Why does the last photo show a large phallic object running up through her body through the top of her head?

    Just askin’.

  74. Snarkalicious says at 3:43 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Many of these images are stolen from the Marine Corps, a well known socialized government establishment with an unknown amount of membership overlap with ACORN. Why has Sarah Palin not come out and denied these ties to child prostitutiuon and black people?

  75. Fox News Light says at 3:43 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I had no idea Ronald Reagan played Slimer in GhostBusters…thats pretty cool..

  76. What Fresh Hell is This? says at 3:43 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The season for gathering psilocybin mushrooms once again comes to an end. It’s good to see that Sarah’s hunter/gatherer friends have had a successful harvest. Now let them wander off to follow the caribou herds.

  77. Crank Tango says at 3:44 pm, November 9th, 2009

    thesheriffisnear: yeah, seriously. that’s just a bunch of screen shots from a recruiting commercial, no? At least they could have gotten some grabs from Private Benjamin…

  78. Voyou Charmant says at 3:44 pm, November 9th, 2009

    All joking aside, I would be worried. It appears Sarah Palin has become a cyborg-jet piloted by the ghost of Ronald Reagan.

  79. Snarkalicious says at 3:46 pm, November 9th, 2009

    HENNGHcelsior!!

  80. There’s even more idiocy elsewhere on the site, that also seems too bad to be real. For one:

    “This story comes from the United Kingdom, which has some of the poorest health care in the civilized world. The people are at their wit’s end, and the country is trying to figure out how to get away from their public system, their government controlled behemoth, and revert back to a system that makes sense.”

    Nope, no not at all. Even the hard right in the UK loves the public system, and has told American cons to stop trashing it.

    The author also credits Palin with giving a 28-point boost to Doug Hoffman with a single Facebook post. Well, that turned out well, didn’t it?

  81. SayItWithWookies says at 3:48 pm, November 9th, 2009

    depraved indifference engine: No, the center-left stuff is here:

    This Chicago street thug communist “community organizer” has America on a path of certain destruction. Economic and social destruction. His communistic plans to change America from a Constitutional Republic to a communist dictatorship are well on their way. Once Obama and his democrat/communist party gain control of our health care system, it’s all over. They will have complete and total control of America. Congress itself will became irrelevant as everything will be run from the White House by Czars and other unelected, unconstitutional usurpers.

    It’s a veritable cavalcade of facts and reason.

  82. Extemporanus says at 3:49 pm, November 9th, 2009

    PsycGirl: They’re nowhere near as bad as her moose queefs.

    A two-foot ruminant cock can only fill so big of a cavity, ya know.

  83. Hooray For Anything says at 3:50 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Dear God, look at the contributors– a real live actual “black conservative,” a “Jewish mother” who who refers to Obama as Obamanajid and talks of a “second Holocaust,” a feminist PUMA, and somebody who says that they are “a born-again Christian who is madly in love with the Lord Jesus Christ.”

    It’s a self-hating black man, a self-hating Jew, a self-hating feminist, and somebody who masturbates to Christian-rock music.

  84. PsycGirl says at 3:51 pm, November 9th, 2009

    shadowMark: Yep, if by “need a hug” you mean “become seriously homicidal”.

  85. bhosp: Nah; Obama’s Ryu. McCain is Blanka, of course.

  86. HedonismBot says at 3:55 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The best part is looking at the live feed at the bottom of the page and seeing how many visitors (myself included) arrived at that site via the wonkette link. I saw my own podunk town listed on there, and wondered which of my wingnut neighbors was perusing Sarah’s Greek idol page, and was somewhat shocked to discover it was myself.

  87. Voyou Charmant: Don’t you know, Air Force One is haunted by GhostReagan, who wanders the aisles asking for “Mommy” (Nancy) and muttering about funding for Central American death squads.

  88. chowkster says at 3:58 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Looks like a typical PUMA website.

  89. SnarkyMark says at 3:59 pm, November 9th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: You know, I remember when Bush was President, hearing an awful lot of Republicans (tired of having Bush criticized) talking about “respecting the office of the President.” (For example: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122584386627599251.html)

    How times have changed.

  90. doxastic says at 4:02 pm, November 9th, 2009

    JMP: So, is Obama Zangief (the socialism) or Balrog (the melanin)? I’d go with the flying powerbomb over the buffalo headbutt, but then again, I have pinko sympathies.

  91. My inner plane geek is weeping.

    This is condensation riding a bow shock from actually, you know, traveling faster than the speed of sound. This is just some flashy wing condensation that makes the spectators at airshows “ooh” and “ahh.”

    This is not this, and if the Teabaggers actually believed in, y’know, fucking science education, then maybe we could create jobs that don’t involve flipping burgers!

  92. GreatWhiteSnark says at 4:03 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Hooray For Anything: She can’t use the Crying Eagle/WTC image, because Rudy Giuliani trademarked it.

  93. binarian says at 4:04 pm, November 9th, 2009

    That’s…..an insult. Which Junior High School kid from Wasila put that web incoherency together? Gotta be one of the 10 worst on the web. Simply awful.

  94. the problem child says at 4:06 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Hooray For Anything: I’m actually pretty sure they are all lying sock puppets.

  95. doxastic says at 4:06 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: Dang! I even looked over the comments to avoid a joke repeat…comic literacy fail.

  96. binarian says at 4:06 pm, November 9th, 2009

    SnarkyMark: …but now they say “Well, YOU guys did it when Bush was in office….”. So that makes it ok.

  97. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, please make it stop!

  98. Paul Tardy says at 4:08 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Best defense of Sarah Palin, and perhaps the only one with actual arguments, I have read:

    Hockey moms and capital markets
    By Spengler
    http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Global_Economy/JJ07Dj07.html

    Wingnuts please use the atimes article as a model, thanks.

  99. OfTheTheatricalPersuasian says at 4:09 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The continued reverence of Sarah Palin by middle-aged white women is evidence of an epidemic: repressed lesbianism in America.

  100. Botswana Meat Commission FC says at 4:10 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Palin (in the role of Maverick) and Michele Bachmann (playing Viper) re-enact a scene from “Top Gun” using disturbingly few Mad Lib style edits:

    Viper (aka Bachmann): I flew with your old running mate. VF-51, the Walnut. You’re a lot like he was. Only better… and worse. He was a natural heroic son of a bitch that one.

    Maverick (aka Palin): So he did do it right.

    Viper: Yeah, he did it right… Is that why you campaign the way you do? Trying to prove something? Yeah, your old running mate did it right. What I’m about to tell you is classified. It could end my career. We were in the worst dogfight I ever dreamed of. There were bogeys like fireflies all over the sky. His campaign bus was hit, and he was wounded, but he could’ve made it back. He stayed in it, saved three planes before he bought it.

    Maverick: How come I never heard that before?

    Viper: Well, that’s not something the State Department tells dependents when the battle occurred over the wrong line on some map.

    Maverick: So you were there?

    Viper: I was there. What’s on your mind?

    Maverick: My options, sir.

    Viper: Simple. First you’ve acquired enough points to show up tomorrow and graduate with your Top Gun class, or you can quit. There’d be no disgrace. That spin was hell, it would’ve shook me up.

    Maverick: So you think I should quit?

    Viper: I didn’t say that. The simple fact is you feel responsible for Baby Trig and you have a confidence problem. Now I’m not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up your ass, Lieutenant. A good pilot is compelled to evaluate what’s happened, so he can apply what he’s learned. Up there, we gotta push it. That’s our job. It’s your option, Lieutenant. All yours.

  101. Reagan hurling crippled infant against column: http://www.reagan.utexas.edu/archives/photographs/large/c33495-15.jpg

  102. Robophobia says at 4:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    She certainly has taken quitting to new heights, with her lazierlike focus, and what not.

  103. She never realized the gift she gave us: Snarkyo — limitless buffoonery

  104. Oldskool says at 4:13 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “Never again” was a good start but it went downhill from there.

  105. BlueStateLibtard says at 4:13 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Why is she putting her hand up Reagan’s nose in that photo? And forged and laser-sharpened to do what? Quit?

  106. trondant says at 4:14 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Well, that made my little fighter pilot happy. I’ll be taking a nap now.

  107. Hey look! Witness WTC JUMPER used to promote America’s favorite snow-billy-half-term-quitter governor.

    http://draftpalin2012.blogspot.com/2009/09/911f-critical-lessons-for-america.html

    Wow wingnuts have no fucking shame.

  108. Blue Gal says at 4:17 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Thanks for the linky love, Jim honey. xoxoxo

  109. Come here a minute says at 4:17 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

  110. HuddledMass says at 4:19 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “Defeat can lead to victory; progress may be circuitous, not in a straight line”

    Don’t you love the way he adds “not in a straight line” after “circuitous?” In case you don’t know what the word “circuitous” means? Or “dictionary?”

  111. Nice picture of toast. Never knew that Aricept came in liquid form.

  112. answerbird says at 4:20 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I actually met this guy at when Palin spoke at a fundraiser for a organization that has group homes for retarded adults. He was around 25 and he could have easily passed for one of the “clients”. I was helping a friend out with a video shoot (long story) and he was in the “press row”. He definately was special ed, might have been ADHD. The event was at a catering hall and Sarah & Todd walked across the “wedding bridge”. I think he creamed in his pants when Sarah got close. I have pictures of the event at:
    http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2011751&id=1372716181&l=1b42dbce95. The Sarah’s accomplishment guy is the in picture one to the right with a soon to be emerging bald spot. The AP reporter in picture 3 was also fawning, but I was willing to overlook because she was hot and stupid. A great combination in my book.

  113. Minnie Mean says at 4:20 pm, November 9th, 2009

    HedonismBot: agreed - the live feed hypmotized me. It was kinda thrilling to see all the wonketteers pouring in.
    Excelsior!

  114. snideinplainsight says at 4:22 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I’m serious, you guys, take a look at that blogroll, I almost snorted a pretzel up my nose (is that redundant?)

    The Knights of Palin
    The Palination
    GOP Thinker
    PalinVision
    Team Sarah Conservative Voice
    The Book of Sarah
    Palin Twibe
    Half Baked Sourdough
    Moms 4 Sarah Palin
    Moms For Life
    Moms for Sarah Palin
    Inspiration Sarah
    Isn’t It Rich
    House of Eratosthenes

  115. chascates says at 4:24 pm, November 9th, 2009

    answerbird: Thanks for ruining my image of Dave Mason. What the HELL was he doing there?

  116. predilectrix says at 4:24 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Previously I mentioned it was a high-testosterone site, but must correct myself after having seen this in the “Morale Building” section, targeting the estrogen-rich: “For the Ladies: How to do Sarah’s Complete Beehive Up-Do and Partial Up-Do”: And so inspiring a new generation of ’60s-mindset women to wear retro hairstyles…another Sarah accomplishment!

  117. comicbookguy says at 4:24 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Botswana Meat Commission FC: It was very sad the scene where McCain died trying to punch out of Sarah’s electoral tailspin. She got over it, though, and went on to fulfill her dreams. Except in this version of the movie, no one tried to talk her out of quitting.

  118. answerbird: Is the guy in the gray suit about eat Palin’s brains? He must be on a “portion control” diet.

  119. CapnFatback says at 4:27 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Defeat can lead to victory; progress may be circuitous, not in a straight line

    Sure. Just ask Erick Erickson.

  120. Hooray For Anything says at 4:28 pm, November 9th, 2009

    WarAndG: Well, it makes sense that she knows the true lessons of 9/11 as she was living in Alaska at the time and Alaska was severely affected by it.

  121. comicbookguy says at 4:30 pm, November 9th, 2009

    CapnFatback: Rock salt to you, sir!

  122. WarAndG: That’s truly insane.

  123. Not_So_Much says at 4:37 pm, November 9th, 2009

    They/it used “laser polished” next to a pic of Alzheimer Ronnie? wow, also.

  124. rmontcal: As the female recipient of some awkward gestures by high school guys looking to bone impress me (when I, too, was in high school), let’s just say you’re lucky that your silly days predate the Web. Occasionally a guy’s sincere attempts at impressing a girl can end up scaring her instead. A Web page like this might be an example. Admiration’s one thing; obsession’s another.

    Acourse, there’s no way of knowing the sex or age of the sycophant admirer who created this monster masterpiece.

  125. Next Great Pwndit says at 4:38 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: “If this is love, I want my money back.”

  126. binarian says at 4:39 pm, November 9th, 2009

    snideinplainsight: What the fuck? The Knights of Palin? Can that be serious? Naw, it’s gotta be snark. Either that or some 14 year old entranced by her beehive hairdo and the fact that she likes guns, too.

  127. answerbird says at 4:39 pm, November 9th, 2009

    chascates: It’s not exactly like he is playing the garden anymore. I think they might have actually booked him before Sarah. He actually sat at her table at dinner along with Peter King, one of two Republican Congressman from NY. I would have loved to sit at that table!

  128. OzoneTom says at 4:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Are we sure that the whole thing isn’t a joke?

    On purpose, I mean.

  129. binarian says at 4:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Blue Gal: He likes your glasses.

  130. Accordion-o-rama says at 4:41 pm, November 9th, 2009

    S.Luggo: I thought it was his Bela Lugosi impersonation.

  131. DangerousLiberal says at 4:42 pm, November 9th, 2009

    J. Robert Oppenheiner: With the cedilla and everything? No. Or non, if you like.

  132. thesheriffisnear says at 4:43 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Crank Tango: I wanna wear my sandals…I wanna go out to lunch. Somehow it is not difficult imagining our Sarah saying these lines.

    Captain Lewis: What’s your name princess…

    Sarah: Sa-rah

  133. answerbird says at 4:45 pm, November 9th, 2009

    S.Luggo: He’s head of IGHL, they sold double the amount of tickets they normally sell … he’s counting the money in his head.

  134. thefrontpage says at 4:46 pm, November 9th, 2009

    From the list:

    Akomppleshmint No. 13:

    –Naming her new book after a British slang term for unprotected anal sex.

  135. confederette libtard says at 4:51 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The fuck was that shit?

  136. pfft..nah says at 4:55 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Hey, one of the ‘authors’ is Dee Reynolds. I guess next week’s Alway’s Sunny will be “The Gang builds a retarded webpage.”

  137. Robophobia says at 5:01 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The one thing these small minds do well is maudlin.

  138. Lascauxcaveman: OK, every time you get the urge to have sexytime with the fucker, just read her Facebook page. It’s a guaranteed bonershrinker. I think, anyway.

    As a woman, it’s much harder for me to have sexytime with someone I loathe. It’s impossible, actually. I know, I know, (some) men can fuck women they don’t like. But can they really fuck someone they actually despise?

  139. Jukesgrrl says at 5:06 pm, November 9th, 2009

    rmontcal: You are a man of rare insight.

    chascates: I freaked out over that, too. I looked at Dave Mason’s Wiki entry to see if there were any wingnut connections. I only found this, “Mason is a proponent of music education for children. In 2005, he signed on as an official supporter of Little Kids Rock, a non-profit organization that provides free musical instruments and lessons to children in public schools throughout the U.S.” Let’s hope that’s his excuse. I still haven’t gotten over finding out the Small Faces’ great Kenney Jones is a Conservative Party supporter and polo denizen.

  140. Memphis050505 says at 5:07 pm, November 9th, 2009

    some people should not be allowed near a computer. ick. nast.

  141. I thought you shattered a glass ceiling from below….

    The fuck is the point of shattering it from above?

    That’s a glass floor, and glass floors are mainly for upskirt and German shiza porn.

    In my experience.

  142. comicbookguy says at 5:13 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Katydid: Yes we can! Fired up, ready to go…

  143. thefoxtrot says at 5:15 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I left them a nice comment. And by nice I mean “This is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. All of you should spare the next generation, go back in time, and abort yourselves.”

  144. doxastic says at 5:17 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Katydid: I dunno, I’d do Meg McCabe’s pretend boyfriend Aaron Schock if he didn’t have hair like a dickhead.

  145. The internet is funny and causes laughter. (Hilley, 2008, p. 529)

  146. Mad Brahms says at 5:25 pm, November 9th, 2009

    These section headers are word soup. Or possibly word stew, with nice chunks of tender moose.

    “Center left”. I know people have pointed it out already, but still, WTF. This is an “accomplishment”? It’s a relational position in space / politics, first of all, but secondly, what in the hell?

    The forging photos look like stills from a VHS bootleg of someone’s copy of Das Rheingold. But thanks to her references cited (so very professional!) we know they came from some old Marine Corps ad, back before they had guys going out into the desert, tripping on peyote, and swordfighting on top of mesas.

  147. hillarys_left_nut says at 5:28 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Katydid: yes.

    Never heard of the Hate Fuck Trio, Denver punk band named after this phenomenon? (Nobody else did either, but it’s still the greatest name for a punk band ever.)

  148. Georgia Burning says at 5:32 pm, November 9th, 2009

    OfTheTheatricalPersuasian: Repressed is one thing, bad taste is another.

  149. Atlas Spanked says at 5:39 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Why I had no idea she was a jet-flying blacksmith.

    Good thing I logged on, otherwise I would have blithely continued to assume Saracudda was just a Jebus-spouting bimbo and serial quitter who liked banging snowmobile racers. Silly me.

  150. NiceButStupid says at 5:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “Click the animated FeedBurner Banner at the top of the right-hand sidebar to see Governor Palin’s Latest FaceBook Notes.”

    I am grateful for the helpful instructions. I didn’t know where to click next.

  151. blowhard says at 5:41 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Meh, I review hundreds of resumes every day that look exactly like that website.

  152. Atlas Spanked says at 5:42 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Glad I logged on. I had no idea that Saracuda was a jet-flying blacksmith. I just assumed she was a Jebus junkie snowbilly serial quitter who liked banging snowmo racers. Silly me.

  153. Katydid: most men would fuck anything, including venetian blinds (per Nora Ephron) and chickens (per Lenny Bruce). It’s in their DNA, poor things.

  154. JooJoo Bee says at 5:59 pm, November 9th, 2009

    OMG this is like one of those weak fan sites for like Merlin with squeeing and giant-eyed weeping Japanese icons OMG OMG OMG

  155. Jim89048 says at 6:02 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Her ability to break the space-time continuum and cold pick Zombie Reagan’s nose scare the fuck out of me, and that’s an accomplishment.

  156. blowhard: Any of them ever get hired?

  157. The Station Manager says at 6:08 pm, November 9th, 2009

    WarAndG: Holy… Holy fucking shit… That’s disgusting.

  158. Pat Pending says at 6:08 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “…Followed by a High-G Vertical Climb…because she can…”

    I believe that was a high-G-SPOT vertical climb. How else can one explain the startling fecundity of this… this… this… ROGUE.

    *head explodes while trying not to type ‘cunt’ just because it’s sorta alliterative with ‘fecund’*

  159. fatherfigure says at 6:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The meticulous accuracy of the APA citations contrasts nicely with the I-don’t-give-a-shit photoshop work.

  160. I’m disappointed. Not even one Wonketini has a link to his or her very own custom created accomplishment graphic for Sarah. Not feeling creative today?

  161. I love Palin. He was the funniest of all the Pythons.

  162. Check out the front page of the blog, too. The blogger is also worried BIG GOVERNMENT’s going to set up MARRIAGE PANELS that decide who will and will not be able to marry. Imagine, the government stepping in to stop two people who love each other from marrying. Wouldn’t that be awful?

    If there were a proposition on my ballot to divorce certain couples that don’t meet the government’s standard, I sure wouldn’t vote for it, and I’d be awfully angry at any politician or political party that supported such a measure.

    I sure am glad Sarah’s going to stand up for everyone’s rights, and not add an amendment to the constitution banning some types of marriage.

  163. WarAndG: Ok, so the lesson learned by Palin is that you are in a hopeless situation and the only alternative to being cooked alive is to plummet to your death?

    Well … I guess you can argue that it is exactly what Sarah and the Republicans have learned, it’s just that I would have thought, you know, that there would have been some respect for the dead, somewhere.

    Republicans - just when you thought the limits of indecency had been reached.

  164. comicbookguy says at 7:17 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Mustang: I’m still hoping for a Cthulu’s Accomplishments blog.

  165. saggyboobedhag says at 7:22 pm, November 9th, 2009

    WHen is Shatner scheduled to read this?

  166. I can hardly wait for tomorrow’s installment: “Afterbirth, Forgery, and Breaking Wind.”

  167. foulmouthed mrscreant says at 7:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies:
    They will have complete and total control of America.

    Good thing Bush/Cheney didn’t realize this is all it would have taken.

  168. glamourdammerung says at 8:02 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I could not find accomplishments anywhere, other than “laser polished”. Though I actually think that one might be true if it is just an embellished term for some kind of cosmetic procedure.

  169. J. Robert Oppenheiner: No, but Palin does a smashing Milli Vanilli lipsynch of it. “Death panel”, “crotch itch” and “Trig”, also.

  170. user-of-owls: One of her most prideful accomplishments was giving birth to a Down’s Syndrome child. In fact, she wrote a short article about it:
    “Trig: Giving Birth to A Popular Misconception.”

  171. Great Old Ones Party says at 8:30 pm, November 9th, 2009
  172. I’m just grateful for the “complete transcript of Governor Palin’s Facebook note pertaining to the fall of the Berlin Wall.” It’s heavy reading, but the insights! The close connection between central European politics and Todd’s fishing business become part of the epic sweep of Freedom’s onward march.

    Which reminds me how proudly our leaders stand in relation to this event; George Bush upset about Gorbachev’s popularity and Thatcher begging Gorby to send in troops to prevent the collapse of East Germany. No wonder we won the cold war…

  173. Flanders says at 9:06 pm, November 9th, 2009

    OMG She is petting Reagan’s hair!

  174. Darkness says at 9:16 pm, November 9th, 2009

    OfTheTheatricalPersuasian: Nah, it’s lack of a proper Goddess figure. Mary tries, but doesn’t quite fulfill the need having been bitch slapped by 2 millennia of men with small dicks. We need Gaya or Hera back or to import Lakshmi. Something to focus the ho-moans on.

  175. Darkness says at 9:19 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “Help me Zombie Reagan . . . you’re my only hope!”

  176. betterDeadThanRed says at 9:19 pm, November 9th, 2009

    No matter what your political views may be, I think we can all agree that she needs a Web designer. This is what happens when you let the intern “do that web stuff”

  177. thecaits says at 9:27 pm, November 9th, 2009

    That site is one of the creepiest things I’ve seen in a long time.

  178. Great Old Ones Party: Good work, but alas, too bad Halloween has passed. I like the little ghost at Palin’s left ear. What is it whispering? “Your daddy never loved you”?

    But Blingee needs something more. Maybe an orca (or a black momba) arising from her cleavage as it struggles for its life to be free of the bathos. Or maybe an appearance of the idiot smiling face of Palin’s dimwit mentor, Billy Kristol.
    \

    snideinplainsight: Can’t believe the third link on your list. Nyet. Nope. Since when does any Palinator use biting sarcasm?

  179. Long Form Def Certificate says at 10:20 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Imagine if the inter-net had been around in ‘85. Mondale would have never left us. But that would have been ok. His daughter is even hotter than any of Palin’s. (Though, the youngest has potential.)

  180. Speaking of bumper stickers, anyone else see that Sarah is the new inspiration for the abstinence only bumper stickers:
    “Never Go All the Way.”
    Iconic.

  181. HedonismBot: Ohmygod you’re right, it’s mesmerizing. Huzzah for the Wonkett. I hardly know what to drink to tonight; so much hilarity, so little time.

  182. Kinkster says at 11:43 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Snarkalicious: win of the afternoon

  183. Love her whole “concentration camp” dress theme in that photo …. wait, it’s not? Just bad taste? Oh. Never mind.

  184. Words: She blames the stripes for the inmate’s gaunt appearance.

  185. imissopus says at 1:08 am, November 10th, 2009

    Hooray For Anything: Don’t forget the guy touting his MBA from the University of Phoenix.

  186. Captain Swing says at 7:26 am, November 10th, 2009

    I just love the entry by some dweeb under the heading Sarah Palin Music -
    “* *Written *exclusively* for *Governor Sarah Louise Palin* who exemplifies the character, vision, & steadfast leadership that made our nation…”

    She QUIT, puddingbrain, Q.U.I.T! Cut and ran, skedaddled, racked her cue… If they had been relying on her at the Alamo, Texas would still be part of Mexico.

    Sheesh, just how thick are these people? To think they are out there roaming the countryside, apparently unsupervised. Lock the windows tonight, fellow Wonketteers… and it might be an idea to not have pizza before turning in- The nightmares this site can cause absolutely do not require further enhancement.

  187. keglined says at 7:29 am, November 10th, 2009

    Wow. Spawning logos, “un-official” grammatical hilarity, and a countdown timer that doesn’t work.

    But the forge blog thing is a classic —

    Sexy blue dress!
    Cool Phoenix artwork!
    Forge!
    Forge!
    Forging!
    Forging even more!
    Laser forging now!
    21st Century Fighter Jet!
    Cooler shot of 21st Century Fighter Jet!
    1970s fighter jet?

    Way to fizzle out, dummies.

  188. Lefty Lucy says at 8:18 am, November 10th, 2009

    All the phallic imagery and creepy Grandpa-lust are hurting my eyes. But that might be because I gouged them out.

  189. I thought that was the Luftwaffe that strafed my house this morning.

  190. cashaholic says at 3:12 pm, November 10th, 2009

    “…Followed by a High-G Vertical Climb…because she can…” She can? That is _so_ awesome!

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