Wonkette
If you live in Wisconsin, then… sorry? What were we going to write about here… ah, yes: if you live in Wisconsin, then you should go see Sarah Palin speak tonight! She will be making an appearance in Milwaukee on behalf of Wisconsin Right to Life, presumably the anti-capital punishment outfit up there. Only caveat: you cannot bring anything to this event. Anything at all. After tonight, Sarah Palin would like there to be no proof that she was ever in Milwaukee. (And maybe she isn’t!)
From the event website:
NOTICE - YOU MUST HAVE A TICKET TO ENTER
No tickets will be sold at the door- All bags will be searched
- No exit and re-entry allowed
- No cell phones
- No recording devices
- No video or still cameras
- No laptops
- No photos or recording allowed
- No literature distribution
- No posters or banners
- No strollers or car seats
- No carry-in food or beverages
The Milwaukee Mob won’t be happy about Palin putting the kibosh on its profitable Great Gatsby bootlegging enterprise for the evening.
Wisconsin Right To Life Presents Gov. Sarah Palin [WRTL]
No stroller or car seats
Why does Wisconsin hate Trig so much??
That’s just Sarah-speak for, “Please sneak a video camera into this event and leak my unintentionally hilarious speech.”
Why the paranoid security? I’m guessing she’s going to say something profoundly stupid even for her.
i stopped reading at:
“No exit”
Fire Safety Ordinance’ll have a field day with that one.
In Germany it’s against the law to deny the Holocaust and in Wisconsin it’s against the law to assert Sarah Palin.
No strollers or carseats??!! Seriously, WTF? How family-friendly is THAT!!!?!2
Just remind me, next time I see her, to BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of SARA PALIN with my freakishly expensive (but mother-in-law approved) Bugaboo Chameleon STROLLER!!!! (Note to self: remember to remove the baby first this time.)
No cell phones? What sort of barbarians are these right to lifers? Nevermind, I don’t want to know.
If Sarah Palin pratfalls in Milwaukee, and nothing was there to record it, does she make a sound?
Presumably pen and paper fall under “recording devices.” Not that it’s likely to come up.
oh, it said “No exit AND re-entry.”
duh.
still, it wouldn’t surprise me if they wouldn’t let you leave.
After all, this IS the speech where Palin rips off her face to reveal she is none other than Raptor Jeebus and she’ll want to eat all the fat, pink flesh she can eat.
Right To Life, indeed.
What about my freedoms, they are taking away our freedoms! When did she become one to those taking away freedoms peoples who hate freedoms in this great land. Bless our troops though for protecting our freedoms.
Confused? Don’t be, Sarah is in good hands.
- All bags will be searched
- No exit and re-entry allowed
- No cell phones
- No recording devices
- No video or still cameras
- No laptops
- No photos or recording allowed
- No literature distribution
- No posters or banners
- No strollers or car seats
- No carry-in food or beverages
also,
- No common sense
- However, truckntuz by the sackful are not only allowed, they’re encouraged
Interestigly absent:
No Guns
No Teabaggers
No people named Levi
lumpenprole: presuming, of couse, that anyone attending the speech would even know what those are.
I will enjoy the YouTube clips tomorrow. Deny technology all you want Beeoch if it’s good.. there will be video.
No Palins
No strollers allowed to a pro-life event. Wha wha wha???
Palinites can’t bring their AK’s??? This here’s Amurcah, ain’t it?
There will be a live reenactment of the Cthulu Jeebus painting.
This is all a ruse by the Thieves Union to make it easy to steal everyone’s cell phone, laptop, camera, stroller, etc. from their cars while they’re inside.
But I can still bring my gun, my flamethrower, my grenade and/or my nunchucks.
Woo hoo!
It’s simple. The most basic advice for public speakers who get nervous is to imagine the audience naked. Only Sarah doesn’t have much of an imagination.
– And please keep your turkeys at home.
Great Old Ones Party: “No Exit,” huh? She’s really working hard to validate Sartre’s premise, I suppose.
- No forms of self expression e.g. tatoos and jewelry
- No barf-bags
- No wire hangers (?!)
- No birth control
- No clothing (being a form of self-expression and all)
Gonna be a fun evening!
I heard a commercial on the neighbor’s Limbaugh radio station today … buy Sarah Palin’s book for $4.95, get a subscription to some wingnut paper for free. Gotta move them dead trees.
You know who ELSE controlled the media with an iron fist at their events…
Levi will bring in a microphone secreted in his pants–he’ll explain he’s just trying to stay excited for his upcoming Playgirl shooot.
It doesn’t say “No Muskies” so you can bring a muskie.
Great Old Ones Party: In concert halls where heavy metal bands play they have this “no exit or reentry” rule because people would walk out to score heroin and then return (at least that’s how it was in the Northwest). I can see why that might be an issue here (though more likely meth).
presumably the anti-capital punishment outfit up there
Oh, burn. Thank you for highlighting the rank hypocrisy of the right to life but screw you after you’re born, religious bigots.
This is a also a sense-free area. Please understand our sensitivities.
No deer for a month.
You know WHO ELSE didn’t allow cell phones, strollers, video cameras, cameras or recording devices into the wingnut rallies?!?!?!?!
comicbookguy: I know! Where else can they hold their ketchup-drenched rubber fetus? THEIR ARMS?!!?!
- Attendees will be transported to the event by rail on cattle cars.
- For reasons of hygiene, all attendees will be required to pass through the communal showers.
- Enter through the north door marked with the “Arbeit Macht Frei” banner.
DickTaterPeeNoShay: AND I DON’T DO WINDOWS
No pants.
No shoes.
No Sarah.
Pro-life meeting: no strollers allowed.
NRA meeting: no guns allowed.
Comicon: Must bring a date.
To be fair, I’d “like there to be no proof that she was ever in Milwaukee” and I’m from here. I’d leave, but the cheap beer–(good stuff too!)–it’s like a tether to my liver, and thus also, my heart.
In fact, I will leave work and go have one or twelve now. Huzzah.
“presumably the anti-capital punishment outfit up there”
That’s gold, Jim! GOLD!
This all sounds very People’s Temple-y.
Can’t wait!
“No exit and re-entry allowed.”
Last time she told someone that, she wound up with a grandchild!
But, seriously, people, how sad is it over in Darfur, am I right?
Has her book come out yet? It’s hard to tell. Amazon has it listed as the number one best seller for the past 35 weeks, plus it’s marked down to 9 bucks for the hard copy.
Gonna have to sell them by the crate-full to make back that million dollar advance.
What, no mandatory ear plugs? What if someone commits her many gaffes to memory?
No way.
magic titty: “Come, my children, come and eat the cheese, quickly, eat the cheese.”
grendel: You should see what happens when the Thieves Union goes on strike! Or pickets!
Sarah’s just tired of all the elitist, intellectual snobs in the country laughing because she is “embarrassingly ignorant,” and has difficulty “stringing words together,” so she figures the safe path to take is to perform before audiences as stupid as she is, and leave no trace behind. Her words will vanish into the ether the instant they leave her mouth, which harkens back to a kinder, simpler world. Sarah’s world. The world before that demon seed Thomas Edison invented the recording device.
They wouldn’t need to worry about cameras so much if they just wore some white hoods.
Potater: No, they just chain them around their necks, like this. Isn’t the kid’s reaction precious?
Also, I went through that whole gallery playing “find the black person” and failed. Maybe someone else will have better luck than I did.
It’s being held at the fair grounds. That’s all you really need to know. Apparently there weren’t any run down VFW halls available.
comicbookguy: The first two are funny, the last one is just plain cruel.
To some Librul women in Wisconsin: Please hide an iPod Nano or one of those tiny digital voice recorders in your vagina. Wrap it up in Saran Wrap & take it out in the toilet & then record her!
I’m from Wisconsin and I know whereof I speak: Sarah Palin and the Wisconsin Right to Life folks are intellectually very, very compatible. They will easily understand each other and no one will feel like they are being talked down to or condescended to in any way. It is a marriage made in heaven, I’m tellin’ ya.
Stupidity is the coin of the realm.
These publicity shots her handlers keep pumping out are just fucking precious. Check out beak/chin combo on this one, complete with requisite thousand-yard stare and upright statist collar. Il Dolte in wildberry-cooler blue.
Not banned:
Air horns
Pornographic material
Sex toys
Accordions (but I repeat myself)
The following ARE permitted. I repeat, according to an “insider” the following ARE permitted.
Vibrators
Dildos
Cock rings
Cock harnesses
Nipple clamps
Sybians
Butt plugs
Ben-wa balls
Anal beads
Suction devices (NO glass)
Docking sleeves
Vibrator wands
SayItWithWookies: “Where’s Negro?”
No yelling, “In what respect, Charlie?”
PuffAdder: Thank you for preparing my Christmas shopping list for me. Now I can just
cut and paste it for Santa.
Most upsetting of all is the fact that fairground rules and a new municipal ordinance prohibits reselling tickets for higher than face value. Why do they hate scalpers.
Unindicted Co-Conspirator: Swear to dog, I would if I lived in Wisconsin and thought I wouldn’t guffaw at inappropriate times thus ruining the recording and getting myself booted out.
Guppy06: Hah! And it appears torches are not banned either!
Joshua Norton: I thought that too, but judging by the website it’s not like Fairgrounds where they have 4H contests and such. It’s almost like a convention center or something. Still, I wonder if “Hall B” has a distinct odor to it. (It sure will when Sarah’s done with it.)
edgydrifter: Where is her Ammurikkkan Flag pin? Why does she hate our troops?
Also, we can assume, based on these roolz, that there won’t be any evidence of the orthographical (and logical) challenges facing most of this audience.
Jeezus, just down a case of Swinelander and come for the show. It’s gonna be a laff riot. If Caribou Barbie even shows up.
chascates: No yelling “Drill Baby! Drill Baby! Drill Baby!”
Will there be a fish boil afterwards?
Please do not go unless you promise to kiss off this ugly blister in the sun with a http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwj5_SNWYc8country death song.
But look! “Entertainment by Theiss & O’Connor during seating”
Easily the best bar band in the Milwaukee region. Those kids can thrash.
Extemporanus: HTML FAIL does not give me a good feeling.
what about literature BURNING?
Extemporanus: [/feeling bad]
iantenna: If you show up with leftist screeds (you know, like the NRSV or perhaps a dictionary) already on fire, it’s up to the judgement of the ticket taker of the madness in your eyes is sincere enough to let you pass.
x111e7thst: Oh, she’s one-upping the plain ol’ looooser flag pin with her super patriotic blue star pin, signifying that Frag or Spaz or one of her other beautiful little tardlings is out on an ice floe somewhere defending real America from Putin’s rearing head.
I find it highly odd that her freaky fans can bring loaded guns to a Presidential event, but this loon doesn’t want recording devices at hers.
She’s not only a moron, she’s a cowardly moron. Not sure what’s worse, either.
Gumboz1953: Imagine the restrictions if she wasn’t speaking in real American cities.
I’m sure Think Progress will have someone there with one of these cameras in a hat dealios.
http://www.home-spy-shop.com/hidden-camera-hat.html
It’s not a bad venue, believe it or not, and the ‘burbs of M’aukee are literally crawling with teabagger types, so there should be plenty of marks to cough up the hundred large she commands to “share her wisdom”. I suppose the ban on phones, recordings etc. are to try to keep those pesky critics from revealing that this will be the same speech she delivers to every crowd in every backwater shithole. I suspect there will be much waving of chinese made US flags and lots of praying and lots of calls for smaller government (unless it involves killing brown folks or snooping into what you do with your naughty bits). I’m sure the teabaggers will be enthralled and will be going on endlessly about it Monday morning. Yay.
- No retards
- No moderates
- No Bibles, unless KJV
No Beverages for any event in Milwaukee is Hard Core - Now I Fear them.
Gorillionaire: Car Ramrod: Patrick Duffy?
Pithaughn: cameras in a hat
Maybe that’s what Sarah’s mysterious “Pie Spy” company does–specialists and gadgets that ferret out hidden cameras and concealed microphones. Then if they find your camera or recorder it’s like a rock concert and the roadies take you out back and kick you around the alley but Sarah has Eskimo roadies so when they kick you around the alley they’re taking out all their First People rage on you…
Who’s the appearing with? D.B. Cooper?
chascates: It is a real American city. I wonder if Laverne and Shirley will show up.
Now you know all I know about Milwaukee. Except what that great Republican, Alice Cooper, taught us in Wayne’s World.
snideinplainsight: 8 points for an early win.
All faces will be searched.
No independent thought.
Hands at sides at all times.
One trip to bathroom only.
Stand directly under shower head for delousing.
In the event of a water landing, drown.
- No indoor plumbing
- No electricity
- No Darwin
- No separation of church and state
- No Twain, Fitzgerald, or Salinger
- No Rock-n-Roll
- No End-of-Life discussions
- No end to the shear inanity
Cripes, I live near Madison and never heard a word about this event.
Jeepers, we have would tailgated prior.
I did hear the Brewers traded J.J. Hardy to the Twins, not happy about that, also.
Unindicted Co-Conspirator: Ickky, but a very good idea.
PoignancySelz: No end to the shear inanity
So, they will continue to give ridiculous haircuts in Milwaukee?
Clearly, if you make a recording of Sarah Palin in any way, you will steal her soul…,
Well, whatever takes the place of her soul, but you get the point.
What if my handgun has a camera on it? I mean, it does, so can I bring it in?
Gumboz1953: After her speech, she’s going to try to set a new world record by jumping her snow machine over a row of 15 fetus-filled garbage cans in the parking lot of Arnold’s Drive-In.
If you can make it, you’ve gotta try one of Arnold’s delicious fried turkey heads on a stick. There’ll be a stand set-up at the end of the landing ramp—you can’t miss it!
Sharkey: Haaalll B therrreeee, Hall B therrrre…
Just call my name, and Hall B there.
Is she wearing a Mao suit and razor-blade earrings?
Damn, I wish Jim could have LiveBlogged this speech as I can’t get this image out of my head:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_102-04062A,_N%C3%BCrnberg,_Reichsparteitag,_SA-_und_SS-Appell.jpg
Extemporanus: Haaaalll (might) B theerree, to hold and collect from you…
Can I bring a fetus, or should I have an abortion first?
As someone raised in Wisconsin, let me apologize for WRTL, which is one nutty group of nutballs. They earned a special place in my heart by standing outside the cafeteria when I was in undergrad with signs of aborted fetsus and yelling full-pitch and any passersby. A very, very special place.
Sometimes I miss Milwaukee. Days like this… not so much.
No strollers or car seats?
Loaded huntin’ rifles an’ cups of Jack Daniels an’ razor-blade earrings, yup.
Pot? …….. git oot da rope.
Mad Brahms: Well, don’t apologize. You’ve got Milwaukee, downtown, and the People’s Republic of Madison, up the street, so don’t feel so badly.
Great Old Ones Party: After all, this IS the speech where Palin rips off her face to reveal she is none other than Raptor Jeebus and she’ll want to eat all the fat, pink flesh she can eat.
My god, my god; why have you cracked my funny bone?! Raptor Jeebus? The image is just priceless. Someone illustrate Raptor Jeebus, post haste.
I’m sorry guys. We’ve got a lot of stupid people here. Yeeeeaaaaah, we voted for Obama, but we couldn’t escape a tea party, so… Yeah, just sorry for this borderline hick-state.
LowerdPeninsula: “People’s Republic of Madison”
Thank you, I will probably use that for the rest of my life.
For those of you interested in the predictable waffles, fudge, and syrup, someone made notes: http://www.themudflats.net/2009/11/06/boots-on-the-ground-notes-from-sarah-palins-appearance-in-wisconsin/
the problem child: Ah ha. People who match Palin’s contribution to the group are called “Sarah’s Rogues”. And if you double it, you’re a “droogie”.
Colonel Mustard: Per JPS: Hell is the otters.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2276009/posts
LowerdPeninsula: I know of two graven images of the Raptor Jesus. This one, but my favorite is this one.
BeWoot: Should have gotten the Scarring Party.
For all I know, too, the member(s) of the band with whom I was acquainted are back to being low-taxes, social-hypocrite Goopers.
Jeez, the security is less stringent in the Pentagon’s inner ring.
Sharkey: and…NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!!
Well, Right to Lifers aren’t exactly into any sort of personal freedoms or liberties.
However, car seats are a symbol of the government once again forcing their way into our lives and trying to interfere with our freedoms. We must have the freedom to allow our children crawl around the front seat unencumbered!
Hey, did she charge $100k for this one or are her speeches on blue-light specials now?
LowerdPeninsula: You’re not a People’s Republic unless you issue your own currency…Ithaca is the real people’s republic
Can O Whoopass: I think pot would not be socially acceptable during a Palin rally. Meth is a different story
hockeymom: That’s Fish “FRY”, which is only on Fridays, donchaknow?! Oh, it IS on Friday, so yes. And, again, fried. This isn’t goddam Maryland or Maine.
yeah and you all know this is exactly what our barry did last year, yes? there is a wonkette posting that i am far too old and lazy to look up but Same List of Opposables!
went to many barry rallies, same secret service bs.
consistency of principle people.
NO comeback stories NO corny
Choruses No glories NO hallelujahs
NO landcruisers NO drug users
NO grins NO trends
NO phony azz friends
Who begin wit ends and end wit NO ends
And NO estrogen
NO gassups NO soups NO lexcoups
NO crackers NO backers NO niggas
For the blackers NO triple teams
NO mainstream dreams
NO stress beams NO accusations
Cop chases or court cases
NO rape charges NO sarges NO DeBarges
NO lightweight bouts, up in the air
Shoot outs and NO sellouts
NO negros with egos NO mo shows
Callin women bitches and hoes
NO thoughtless flows NO woes
NO singin voices NO Rolls Royces
NO wack choices
NO volunteers getting peers of career
Years
NO solutions NO problems
NO more vinyl revolving
NO happy campers NO offense
NO funk samples
NO stars NO over paid A&R’s
NO body guards gold teeth
NO east coast, west coast beefs
NO dumb looks, NO one sided books
NO special cooks NO finesse NO mess NO struggle to progress
NO hittin sprees NO HIV NO lies
From NO TV’s
NO contracts NO tracks with NO mechanicals
The easiest and the hardest word to say is NO
Only got two letters
Only takes a second to say it
NO meanin No
NO contest NO stress
NO second guessin
NO body guards
NO question