Wonkette
- JUST TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT: The news out of Fort Hood keeps getting worse: 12 people have now been confirmed dead, with 31 injured. The two gunmen were soldiers stationed at Fort Hood and “the shootings took place at a readiness facility, which is where soldiers go before deploying overseas.” It started just before a 2 p.m. graduation ceremony. UPDATE: Uh oh: “The suspected gunman was identified as Major Malik Nadal Hasan.” The Internet will give this one another 45 minutes or so, out of respect, before a veritable World War II of furious accusatory typing begins. We’re getting out now. [NYT]
2 soldiers in custody, one suspect dead.
CNBC was saying three shooters. And the PX (military equivalent to a WalMart, for all you bed-wetting draft dodgers) is right across the street, full of mommies and bambini. Terrorist attack?
Sad. I was stationed at Fort Hood for 4 years; yeah, it’s the armpit of TX, but the folks were great. But, huzzah, Michelle’s little Tea Party is totally going to get bumped from the news tonight–why do mass murderers hate Michelle Bachmann?
I have a friend who’s in lockdown at Fort Hood, but he’s okay.
Texan Bulldoggette: Ah, the Centroplex. Fort Ecstasy is much nicer, if only because Meh-hee-koh is so close and the desert so beautiful.
Brace yourselves. You know there’s going to be video on YouTube any minute.
Texan Bulldoggette: Didn’t know you were military.
This is awful.
On Guy Fawkes day, too. I see no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.
But what I want to know is, how is this a result of Obama’s disastrous policies?
Everyone’s planning their spin.
Muslim soldier that Barack’s army let through?
White, disaffected, racist soldier, worked into a tizzy by teabaggers?
Black soldier who is going wild in Barry’s America?
Anxious soldier frustrated by Barry’s dithering?
Anxious soldirer frustrated by multiple rotatiosn in Bush’s wars?
A run of the mill crackpot? Hard to spin that one. No wait - soldiers get PUBLIC healthcare. If he had PRIVATE mental healthcare, maybe he wouldn’t have snapped! NO PUBLIC OPTION.
Some how, this is all Obama’s fault. This is what happens when you have the government control the military.
AnnieGetYourFun: This is bad for the Democrats in 2010 and ruins health care, is my quick read.
Apparently the ringleader was a major. Chris Matthews just said that a few minutes ago. Weird for someone so high-ranking to be behind it.
Goddamn it. Just…godfuckingdamn it.
(Jim, this is what happens when you don’t banhammer Neilist when you have the chance.)
Soliders who didn’t want to deploy? There has to be more to it. This is f’ing insane.
“Hell no we won’t go” maybe?
I do a lot of work with military kids and families. There’s a lot of craziness going in, and there’s even more craziness coming out.
ph7: Well, it looks like it’s going to be #1: report now that shooter’s name is Major Malik Nadal Hassan.
I’m guessing militia or some so-called ‘oathkeepers’
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Yup. Orly will most certainly use this in her next court filing.
Shooter used 2 handguns according to commanding general.
When guns are outlawed, only criminals will… What? Oh, nevermind then.
ph7: Jesus fuck. Buckle up kids.
WRONG TEAM DOODS WRONG TEAM.
Min: I have a friend who lives in Detroit— miraculously he’s okay too.
If only the victims had guns, too, this could have been prevented.
Wait - what? This was on a military base?
How will the NRA spin this one?
ph7, I heard someone on a different more uh lulzy site, state it may be angry gays whom did this.
ph7: This is going to be very, very bad.
SayItWithWookies: Obama was trying to pollute his bodily fluids
Yesterday’s daily briefing had a shooting of British soldiers by an Afghan soldier:
An Afghan soldier literally went rogue and just cold killed five British soldiers with a machine gun inside a police checkpoint.
ph7: Damn it, it looks like a muslim.
I was rooting for the gays.
WHY IS IT NEVER THE GAYS!?
Well, glad I didn’t place money on it, I lost 500 bucks over VATech
shortsshortsshorts: Lucky man.
Wingnut spin begins:
Jihad at Fort Hood? Shooter: Maj. Malik Nadal Hasan
Apparently a convert to Islam, and an apparent jihad attack has taken place at Ft. Hood.
Twelve dead, thirty wounded in what was apparently an attack coordinated between two or three gunmen — belying the post-traumatic stress syndrome spin playing out in the mainstream media. If this turns out to be a jihad attack, watch for the President to caution against “backlash” and “Islamophobia.”
I have it on good authority that Fort Hood Attack will be blamed on Right wing extremists
I have no link. My source is high in the pentagon. They are going to come for your guns. This is to unite the country behind Obama again and prove that Glenn Beck incited viloence.
All my students who are post-military are really fucked in the head of late. This is going to suck and suck hard.
This is shooting is horrific in and of it self.
The media coverage is spectacularly bad. Chris Matthews just paused and said that it’s important not to make any sweeping judgments without much information, then he continued interviewing the profiler he brought on about crazy ass theories. I am only watching Matthews after I couldn’t take Wolf Blitzer’s inability to understand that these were US soldiers, even after the press conference where we were told these were US soldiers. Wolf seems to be clinging on to the theory that they were international terrorists playing dress up. He’s asking asinine questions and cutting out at very important times for no reason, also. I can’t imagine the dumbass questions Larry King has up his sleeve.
Found the guys wikipedia page, maybe?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Malik_Al_Assad
The Twitverse is NOT waiting “waiting 45 minutes or so”….the accusations have already begun.
And yes, this is Obama’s fault.
detfrost1: Or PETA. That would be pretty sweet too.
Cicada: This isn’t going to be pretty. Bad news all around.
I’m sure religion and politics had nothing to do with this.
OK, I was going to scold you for joking about this so soon with the gays, but dammit, that’s funny shit right there.
detfrost1: It could be a gay muslim.
detfrost1: I wonder if that’s him…
This user is a carnivore.
This user loves to eat beef.
This user eats steak.
This user prefers rare steak.
ALRIGHT, ALREADY! YOU LIKE MEAT, WE GET IT.
chascates: I have it on good authority that Fort Hood Attack will be blamed on Right wing extremists I have no link. My source is high in the pentagon.
This is true. His source is high, and possibly in the Pentagon.
A little background on Texas’ concealed carry law:
“On Oct. 16, 1991, George Jo Hennard drove his pick-up truck into a Luby’s Cafeteria and then shot and killed 23 people, wounding another 20. He then committed suicide by shooting himself.
In response to the massacre, the Texas Legislature passed a “shall-issue” gun law in 1995 which required that all qualifying applicants be issued a concealed handgun license, removing the personal discretion of the issuing authority to deny such licenses.”
RubberSoul: Could a gay Muslim PETA member make it to the rank of major?
chascates: why are these wingnuts so paranoid? Maybe we libruls SHOULD be out to get them, if that’s what they think…
SayItWithWookies: If you haven’t already, watch the movie “Seven Days In May.” A general was in charge of that fictional mutiny (which my mother swore almost happened for real in 1965).
chascates:
a certain lulzy site that only has 15 pages up at a time, and has content come in and off fast, still says it was the gays.
And from one of our fine Congressnuts:
In a statement, U.S. Rep. Michael McCaul, R-Austin, says the shootings at Fort Hood were an act of terror. His words:
“This appears to be a coordinated attack against our military. Whether it was directed from a foreign or domestic source it is still an act of terror.”
Nothing like barely waiting until the smoke clears to jump to conclusions.
Here we go. THEIR COMING FOR YR GUNS, WAYK UP SHEEPL!
Wolf Blitzer is asking former Gen. Honore (the Katrina military dude) if it is possible for Gang Members to slip through the screening process and make their way into the Army. Duh, they’ll take anyone they can get now… I had a client sentenced to 2 months in prison for armed assault who had a billet waiting for him when he got out. His recruiter even came to the sentencing hearing asking the judge to not send him to prison so he could start right away. This was in the early days of The Iraq.
hockeymom: they’ve already superimposed his head on a photo of a man holding the rifle.
The MSM is trying to tell us the shooter is “Major Malik Nadal Hasan”.. but has anyone actually seen this supposed Major Hasan’s birth certificate?? Follow the money, people.
detfrost1: This guy supports flat taxes and plays water polo.
Just more fuel for the Bonfire of the Insanities.
magic titty: Hasan’s last words: “I’M JUST A PATSY”
shortsshortsshorts: For now. For now. Wait until Larry King has go at him, like Oh-Hell-to-the-no says. “Allen Park, you’re on the ay-ah.”
Goddamn fucking convert Muslims. Why can’t you people ever convert to Sufism, and spend your days reciting Rumi and spinning in circles? Why do you have to go full fundie?
hockeymom:
I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed about that.
Team Handball (land water polo)
and water polo do NOT get enough coverage in the US. then something like this happens WTF!
bureaucrap: Being out to get them is too much hassle.
This is a conspiracy, a ruse to serve as an excuse to curtail gun rights. That’s right. OBAMA IS GOING TO TAKE AWAY THE MILITARY’S GUNS!!!1!
Call the National Gun Rights Association, not the NRA. The NRA is too dang liberal.
detfrost1: Lower-right-hand corner: “This user is a fan of first-person shooter games.”
shortsshortsshorts: Wow, um, making fun of reasonable reactions to gruesome anti-American murders that happened 4 blocks away from me is so funny that it makes me wish you had decided maybe this was inappropriate and kinda fucked up to post.
Seriously, whiskey tango foxtwat?
Malik iz black and/or Muslin, correct? Here we go…
AnnieGetYourFun: Well, why does no-one ever convert to lapsed Methodism or liberal Episcopalianism? Answer: because high Catholicism and snake-handling Protestantism, Mormonism etc. offer more bang for the buck. So to speak.
chascates: So tomorrow will be a “Post Nov 5th” world??
Texas Gov. Rick Hairy is giving a pet conference right now.
AnnieGetYourFun: It’s the same thing with people who quit smoking. They all think they were the first person in the world to figure it out.
detfrost1: Well, it could be a different Malik Hasan. There’s also a Dr. Malik Hasan who was the CEO of United Health Care.
Foxnews: Rick Perry Gov Texas - Confirmed there were three shooters
chascates: I thought he said that there were three suspects. Not all of them may have been shooters.
Chris Matthews also just dropped the bombshell that Hasan was “not a happy guy.”
Extemporanus: I could barely watch him without wanting to vomit a little…Oh, here comes Kay Bailey Hairspray.
hockeymom: OMG you mean ……. it could be a CAPITALIST that did this?
shadowMark: Yes: Major Asshole.
chascates: Did he happen to mention the number of buffalo wings?
Rick Perry is on CNN. His hair looks quite fabulous.
Texan Bulldoggette: … and some heads (who don’t have as fine hair as Breck Perry) are going to roll because KBH has much better news/details to impart than Rick did.
The betting window is now open:
Are the shooters:
1 - Faux muslims hired by the GOP to shoot shit up and then shout pro-Obama slogans at the media after their arrests.
2 - Disgruntled muslims sick of intolerance at the military base.
3 - Terrorist moles.
4 - Manchurian Candidates installed by Dick Cheney (see #1)
PerhapsSo: I picked that up off the Statesman newspaper site. And we know Perry is a little light on details sometimes.
Jihadist shootout in GeeDub’s backyard? Welcome to your war, douchebag!
Texan Bulldoggette: And she was way earlier.
detfrost1: A polo-playing, flat-taxer, psychiatrist, CEO of an HMO, muslim-convert who was also a major in the army. Sounds about right.
It’s being reported that he didn’t want to go to Iraq, thus the kerfluffle today. In my day, when you didn’t want to go to the field, you got pregnant–but, hey that’s one of the perks of being a chick I guess.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: WIN!
Killeen TV KXXV is stating ‘at least 3 shooters’. This may take hours to work out but someone online is already comparing this to the ‘Fort Dix Six’ or whatever the pizza plot was.
I went to Ft Hood, National Guard summer camp, five years in a row. Nothing happened.
There were supposed to be six years in a row, which is why I went to Ft Sill, OK, for 17 months. Nothing happened there, too, and they printed it in the Ft Sill Gazette.
Then I went out the same door I came in.
Texan Bulldoggette: Judging by Perry’s subtle electric green tie, I think that it’s safe to assume that the shooter was a gay Muslim supporter of Andrew Sullivan’s right to have ethically humane 12-hour buttsex with Iranian beagles.
“Yo, Major…I’m gonna let you finish, but…”
ABORT!
Wait, too early or played out?
Jeff Sadosky, a spokesman for U.S. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, said the senator had been told that Malik Nadal Hasan, who has been identified as a the shooting suspect at Fort Hood, was upset about his upcoming deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan.
A couple of hours after the Murrah Building blew up, I said to a friend as I was leaving OKC to return to Seattle, “I hope to God this was done by a white Christian.” My prayer was granted, so open harassment of anyone who looked A-rab was delayed for a few years.
A few minutes ago, I came in the door from my lovely walk in the Autumn weather and heard “shootings at Fort Hood.” This time, I said, “Please, please, let this be a Blackwater killer.” Alas, Jeebus failed me this time.
So it’s all bad.
The official said Hasan, who’s believed to be in his late 30s, was killed after opening fire at the base.
The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the case publicly.
The official says investigators are trying to determine if Hasan was his birth name, or if he changed his name and converted to the Islamic faith at some point in his life.
He was identified as a military mental health professional.
chascates: Some guy on Hardball was on the Fort Dix thing too. After all of the standard, “We don’t want to jump to conclusions” disclaimers of course.
Well, all you Anti-Gun Nuts were right: It’s time to disarm the United States Army.
Oh, and the guy who played “Lester Gruber” (Carl Ballantine) on the old “McHale’s Navy” show died, accordingly to the Los Angeles Times obit. (60 column inches, including the two large photographs.
Sorry. But to me, those two thoughts are related.
Extemporanus: Yes, I, and I alone, am responsible for the fact that the U.S. Army still has all those DANGEROUS GUNS!
F***tards on jihadwatch.com already know the whole story and have declared war. I’m starting to take down names and book their flights.
germansteel: Well, General McCaffrey just got done explaining that gun control on military installations is strictly enforced and that weapons are pretty much universally locked up. Back to square one, but if you’re a decent hack, you should be able to find a way to score some anti-NRA points.
Neilist: YAAY, I thought you may have been banned, and been in TX today.
chascates: “My source is high in the pentagon.”
(1) “Source” is high on meth, or
(2) “Source” is a janitor on the 5th floor.
Hey, check out this spiffy juxtaposition of the sub-headline to Obama’s remarks, on MSNBC…
Muslim group condemns shootings
Speaking in Washington, Obama called the shootings a “horrific incident.”
“It’s difficult enough when we lose these great Americans in battles overseas,” Obama said at the Interior Department. “It’s horrifying that they should come under fire at an Army base on American soil.”
Noting the Arabic nature of the gunman’s name, the Council on American-Islamic Relations, a Washington interest group, condemned “this cowardly attack in the strongest terms possible and ask that the perpetrators be punished to the full extent of the law.”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33678801/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/
Neilist: Yes, and I think it’s high time you insisted to the U.S. Army that they return them all to you, their original and rightful owner, in order to ensure that a senseless tragedy such as this never happens again.
Oh, and I’m sorry to hear about Gruber, though hardly surprised—that fall from the Nakatomi Building really took a toll on his health.
New live presser starting:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/austin-american-statesman
Texan Bulldoggette: Didn’t want to go Iraq and so decides to take out a bunch of bother soldiers. Why couldn’t have just shot himself in the foot or put on a dress from the Max Klinger collection?
Suds McKenzie: Texas? Why would I be in Texas?
That would be like Preaching to the Choir . . . albeit a very heavily armed choir.
Better to spread the gospel in the unreconstructed parts of the world. For example, West Hollywood and Brentwood. (I just love talking to Jewish liberals who are in favor of gun control. Because they can rely for protection on the Wehrma . . . whoops . . . U.S. Arm . . . whoops . . . L.A.P. . . . whoops . . . hmmm . . . what’s left?
The Girl Scouts? (Those cookies can be DEADLY.)
o
my
god
he’s their god, too
what a cruel, cruel god. what does he need to know about us that he hasn’t already learned?
Army psychiatrist, lived in Md., ticked at being reassigned from D.C. to Fort Hood.
magic titty:
The American Psychiatric Association “has condemned this cowardly attack in the strongest terms possible and has asked that the perpetrators be punished to the full extent of the law.”
The two suspects arrested shortly after the shooting have been released, according to the office of U.S. Rep. John Carter, R-Round Rock, whose district includes Fort Hood.
Extemporanus: Well, they can keep the M16s. I have one already. And their crappy M-9 Berettas, too.
But could I get an Apache attack helicopter? Or, if they can pull it up from surplus, one of those “Davy Crockett” nuclear bazooka/recoiless rifle thingies? The latter would make next July 4th REALLY interesting . . . particularly for the residents of Compton.
Mass murder? TIME FOR SOME GUN PRØN!!
A military psychologist was the shooter…the irony or not.
shortsshortsshorts: THIS IS NOT FUNNY! I WAS 2 BLOCKS AWAY AT THE TIME!
Psychologists always go crazy most spectacularly. Viz: Radovan Karadzic, Hannibal Lecter.
Wait wait: The Freepers have it figured out:
““US Army Major Malik Nadal Hasan” sounds as ridiculous as “President Barack Hussein Ubama”.
God help America.”
So it was Obama! Except obviously two completely different things and the speaker is a racist.
They’re also preparing this meme: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2379517/posts
Obama apparently complimented someone at the Interior Dept. publicly before he issued his statement on the attack.
Neilist: So your in West Hollywood looking to spread what now?
McDuff: Oh my god, Klinger’s Spring 2010 collection is to die for!
Freud had the right idea..stay high on coke…no bothers…no PTSD, no sex with your mama.
clientnumber8: Oh, I’ll bite: Yo Major, I’ma let you finish but the clock tower guy was the greatest Texas mass murderer of all time!
I shall now go flog myself with a rusty chain wrapped in barbed wire.
Suds McKenzie: Syph.
Shooter may be local boy:
The CBS News investigative unit reports that Hasan, 39, is a licensed psychiatrist in Bethesda, Md.
Okay to sum up so far: Doctor Psychologist Army Major Muslim gets a couple of handguns and whole bunch of extra ammo and opens fire, until shot down by a civilian police officer. Had just been transferred from MD, was on his way to the Show. Increasingly looking like it was a lone act, not a conspiracy. Oh, yeah, there couldn’t POSSIBLY be more to this story.
We’re going to be at this all night, y’all. I’m taking bets he has a family, and they’ve been scared when Daddy came home for quite some time now.
I just heard Tweety say, “So, we think he might have had some psychological problems?” Uh, yeah, Chris, what was your first clue? All hail the 24-hour news cycle.
Roslin: Disinfect your computer ASAP. Neilist has some homemade napalm in his jacket.
detfrost1: I just knew it would be a ping pong player.
So maybe it was Tom Cruise who set him up so as to discredit psychiatry?
It’s all fine, he was FOR the death penalty. “This user believes that the death penalty should be imposed and used more frequently!” Although that due process of law thing kind of got abrogated, in this case.
Hue puta, no mas.
Neilist: guns guns guns guns guns ++good
AnnieGetYourFun: Naqshbandiyya, some?
Kay Bailey Hutchison: “I think that there is a lot of investigation going on now into his background and what he was doing that was not known before”
The overtone is creepy. Is she trying to say that the shooter is a Muslim, or that Rick Perry is gay?
V572625694: “bed-wetting draft dodgers)”
Inside every tragedy is a funny line, courtesy one of the wonkeratti. Thanks for the smile, whatever the fuck your weird screen name person.
schvitzatura: Spinning in circles is a Mevlevi thing.
All is now clear:
Update | 7:11 p.m. A personnel record for Major Hasan obtained by The New York Times says that he was born in Virginia in September, 1970. He had an undergraduate degree from Virginia Tech.
VIRGINIA TECH.
Sarjo:
I was hoping for College of the Ozarks.
From the New York Times:
But Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, the 39-year-old man accused of Thursday’s mass shooting at Fort Hood, Tex., started having second thoughts about his military career a few years ago after other soldiers harassed him for being a Muslim, he told relatives in Virginia.
Yes. Harassed for being a Muslim. That’s right.
This article is all the more disheartening after slogging through 12 hours of parent/teacher conferences (I had 40 today; I have 18 tomorrow). I think I’m just going to have a glass of wine, listen to some Brian Eno, and go to bed. There’s not much worth staying up for tonight.
loquaciousmusic: That article says that Hasan actually retained a lawyer to help him get out of the Army, but was told there was no way out.
This is all sorts of fucked up.
iantenna: How many internet traditions are you aware of?
Cicada: Orly fail.
Fucker ain’t dead anymore!!!1!
WTF? This is all screwed up…
clientnumber8: Played out!
loquaciousmusic: I recommend Eno’s “January 07003: Bell Studies for the Clock of the Long Now” … it’s very centering…
Atheist Nun: detfrost1: You forgot to list “This user is a fan of First Person Shooter Games”… just sayin’…
Jim89048: Who’s gonna get him first, Larry King or Oprah?
Bearbloke: If he’s lucky, Jack Kevorkian.
The most insightful question of the night comes from Larry King, who asked a general: “Is it safe to assume that the gunman had some serious mental problems?”
loquaciousmusic: If this guy felt he was harassed for being a Muslim, his actions today sure as f#ck won’t make things easier for other Muslims in the military.
ForTheTurnstiles: She’d like both to be true.
Huh. The mister just had his regular appointment with an Army head shrinker at the VA hospital in Dallas today. (PTSD)
Gah. Fifteen kinds of messed up, this shit is.
chascates: “High sources in the Pentagon”
This dickwad’s cousin knew a guy who was the janitor in the Pentagon back when Clinton was trying to make the military gay, and the guy still has really good contacts in the Pentagon.
That’s my guess of his very important Pentagon sources.
germansteel: You get my win award on this mess. This time next year, states will be voting on referenda allowing citizens to strap six-shooters onto their belts and fighting gun battles in the street. Or maybe that’s just Oklahoma.
badmuthagoose: I would so not want to b that shrink. I haven’t followed this at all, as the news just comes out in weird, disjointed pieces. I’ll wait for the trusty old CSM to tell me what the fuck happened.
WTF — the shooter’s still alive.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/11/05/texas.fort.hood.shootings/index.html
So is Hasan both alive and the shooter, or is he not the shooter? The article implies he’s both, but does not state that.
detfrost1: “lulzy”
Would you mind saving me a trip to the Google and telling me what this means?
Thanks, Old Person
AnnieGetYourFun: Excellent laugh line and glad to hear from you again, Annie.
SayItWithWookies: Some are suggesting that there was more than one shooter… so I still want to know Dick Cheney’s whereabouts today…
doloras: “convert to lapsed Methodism”
Or to real Methodism. The potlucks are frequent and awesome, and here in the Heartland feature enough beef to make even the most carnivorous Muslim wiki user happy.
Still alive? The shooter? I hope CNN is correct and this guy starts babbling about how Rush O’Beck inspired him.
It’s past my bedtime so Nitey, you few potty-mouthed losers still on “our” wonkette.
Jim89048: Oops — didn’t realize you had already caught that.
SayItWithWookies: What’s weird — and so I don’t seem like someone just coming up with a conspiracy theory — is that earlier they were saying there were twelve killed, one of whom was the gunman. It’s also weird that earlier two people were in custody and released, and now three were. It could just be early-reporting confusion, but if Hasan was among the dead before, then there’s an extra body without a name.
Bearbloke: Not worried about ol’ deadeye Dick. His problem was that he couldn’t shoot a fucking tame flightless bird with a .28 guage. His problem was never that he could kill an actual human being on his own. Dick’s a full-on bully-coward-fascist who uses the bureaucracy like a weapon — and who embodies the “get your best agent to skull-fuck the prisoner in the basement” side of the old axiom that the pen is mightier than the sword.
I lied. Before bed I had to go look for my white cat (he’s inside and safe. We’ve lost two pets in four months, so I couldn’t sleep until he was in) so I checked the CSM and the link follows. Gordon Lubold, a staff writer, did the story, so it can be trusted. Christian Scientists never lie, except for maybe that part about not taking pain killers:
http://features.csmonitor.com/politics/2009/11/05/what-is-known-about-nidal-malik-hasan-and-fort-hood-shooting/
texanbuldoggete: ”Kay Bailey Hairspray” i pee’d a little. the funniest thing i’ve read in ages.
SayItWithWookies: “I KNOW HIS NAME.”
Seriously though, in other news, the expression “conspiracy theory” was pronounced DOA at Springfield General Hospital earlier this afternoon. The cause of death is not yet known, but evidence suggests that “conspiracy theory” has spent the last eight years locked in a basement, nourished only on demogogue semen, while being buttfucked with chainsaws, jackhammers, and Army-surplus Bad-Cop(tm) electrodes. The medical examiner is expected to issue a comment after he stops dry heaving.
Okay, look: Pick a Wall Street scandal off the top of your head. 1) Was the financial fuckery accomplished, in its entirety, by a single person acting alone? 2) Do you have direct, incontrovertible evidence documenting every action taken by that one guy, from the first glimmer of an idea until its successful conclusion? OF COURSE NOT, vile Streeter scum. Get back in the Free Speech Cage with your Truther and Birther buddies, why doncha.
“The MSM lies continuously and in lockstep, in the interests of business interests and the global plutocracy. Dick Cheney was actually the president for two terms, and nobody questioned his effective control of the executive and judicial branches. Oh, and I bagged five conspiracy theorists today, but the game warden caught me and made me return their Cheetos and let them go. …What? Can’t handle the truth, eh, pogue?”
Huh, so not a convert, I guess. Nevermind what I said about Sufis. And anyway, I’ve met some crazy-ass Sufis during my lifetime.