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  • BACHMANN’S CHIEF OF STAFF QUITS: Michelle Marston, who has helped Michele Bachmann project her radioactive insanity to a larger audience since becoming chief of staff in early 2008, quit that job today — one day before Bachmann’s “Super Bowl of Freedom,” on Capitol Hill. Marston will not disclose her reasons, which is great, because now we all can just make shit up! THEY HAD A BIG FIGHT B/C THEY HATE EACH OTHER, a “well-sourced Washington lawyer” tells us. [Politico]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Another hit for Bachmann Turnover Drive.

  • pedestrian rage

    No picture of Kill Bill-style kittens in karate suits to accompany this post? Whatever happened to standards?

  • Jukesgrrl

    I guess Palin now has a back-up for The Staplemeister’s long-anticipated total meltdown.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    “You either love Michele Bachmann or you don’t love Michele Bachmann at all…” How about ‘or you think she’s fucking insane?’

  • SayItWithWookies

    “When your captain’s crazy, it’s time to find a new ship,” the lawmaker said.

    Now here’s a guessing game — who the heck is the “conservative Republican House member” who said this? We can rule out Ron Paul, since he wouldn’t want to advise his staff to clear out.

  • slappypaddy

    she wants to spend more time with her family

  • shadowMark

    I’m guessing Michelle went into the ladies’ room and then MicheŸe followed her into the ladie’s room and got the stall next to her and when MicheŸe tapped her foot against Michelle’s foot Michelle just moved her foot away without speaking and it was all downhill from there. (Do Republican women play foot tapping games in the john?)

  • V572625694

    [re=450662]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: You haven’t grasped Marston’s logical rigor: “You think she’s fucking insane” falls in the “you don’t love MB at all” bracket. The transcendent beauty of this paradigm is widely applicable: you either love Rush Limbaugh, or you don’t. You either love Carrie Prejean or you don’t. You either love Richard Nixon or you don’t. You either love chopped liver or you don’t.

    I could go on….

  • steve

    I heard that they were worried about the gossip about how much time they were spending together in fact some say they were gett’n way too close… Then like so many other young couples they fought over which one correctly spelled their first name (is it 1 or 2 Ls) and the bloom of the rose of romance withered on the thorny vine of life.

    Thankfully the Palin/Bachman overdrive is back on track for 2012. Palin knew she just had to wait in the wings for the cold winds of fall to bring a cold and steady chill to the romatic heat of summer that was, Bachman/Marston.

  • Pithaughn

    [re=450665]shadowMark[/re]: No , but they really enjoy Sweet Adeleins conventions.

  • steve

    [re=450663]SayItWithWookies[/re]: if only Gilligan had heeded that advice he wouldn’t have wasted so many years on a desert island.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    It was a long running debate about whether Bachmann should be “bat-shit crazy” or just plain “fuckin’ nuts.”

  • Aflac Shrugged

    The day before Michelle Bachmann invites every gun-toting mouthbreather in America to “see the whites” of their lawmakers’ eyes, Michelle Bachmann’s chief of staff quits.

    I don’t work on Capitol Hill. If I did, I’d make tomorrow the best eight hours of sick leave ever.

  • Sharkey

    [re=450660]pedestrian rage[/re]: Yeah, this one would have worked fine. But no.

  • chascates

    A conservative Republican House member, speaking on the condition of anonymity, suggested that Bachmann’s views — and her willingness to state them — make it hard for her to keep staff.

    “When your captain’s crazy, it’s time to find a new ship,” the lawmaker said.

  • Come here a minute

    This must have been a good one — the departing staff member didn’t even use an old standby like “pursuing a new opportunity” or “more time with the rugrats”, just “I’m not saying.” Whatever she’s not saying is going to be awesome!

  • chascates from Feb 12 2008:
    U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann continues to go through staff at a high rate in her first term. Richard Dunn, who had been Bachmann’s second chief of staff, left that job in the last few days, along with legislative aide William Schirano, formerly of the Heritage Foundation, and the office manager of her district office, who has the wonderful name Destiny Mask.

    During Bachmann’s first 13 months in office, there has been at least one turnover in every one of the top leadership positions in the Bachmann office: the chief of staff, the legislative director, the district director and the communications director. All four of the jobs dealing with substantive legislative work have also turned over.

  • annievt

    My guess is they had a falling out over the extra l in Michelle Marston’s name. Bachmann thought it was a sign of government excess.

  • PoignancySelz

    Future dystopian meme: You know who ELSE liked to quit?

  • 4tehlulz

    >A conservative Republican House member, speaking on the condition of anonymity, suggested that Bachmann’s views — and her willingness to state them — make it hard for her to keep staff.

    >“When your captain’s crazy, it’s time to find a new ship,” the lawmaker said.

    I don’t see why Congresswoman Bachmann would want to be anonymous; that’s a quality quote right there.

  • germansteel

    It was just an honest disagreement over whether the lady parts slice and dice in the climactic scene in AntiChrist was a turn on for a Christian woman, or not.

  • FlipOffResearch

    She got sick of all the “Jesus talked to me and he told me you should go grab me another can of Tab” all the time.

  • One Yield Regular

    This is a huge win for conservatives.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=450688]PoignancySelz[/re]: What a cop out. Marston should have done the honorable thing.

  • knobwurst

    MIchelle had Michele over for dinner and served a roast turkey, and they couldn’t agree who would get the right wing.

  • PoignancySelz

    You know who ELSE is crazy-ass lawyer without command of the English language?

  • shortsshortsshorts


  • Larry McAwful

    The term “Super Bowl of Freedom” reminds me of KFC’s “Famous Bowl of Chicken and Stuff.”

  • Min

    She was probably afraid that crazy was catching.

  • stew

    Anyone seen the tape (not Bachman, but the next best thing)?

  • chascates

    [re=450705]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’m unable to get to your esteemed site.

  • stew

    the “solo career” part piques my interest…blonde onanism?

  • El Pinche


  • chascates

    [re=450709]stew[/re]: Ha! Doesn’t she know that Jesus watches all the time and whenever you masturbate God kills a fetus?

  • stew

    [re=450715]chascates[/re]: What destruction I hath wrought (even more after I download this tape)…

  • PoignancySelz

    [re=450700]user-of-owls[/re]: You know who ELSE has a non-quitter dog?

  • rocktonsammy

    Don’t care, still would hit that.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=450711]chascates[/re]: That’s what happens when the server is in North Korea.

  • TVarmy

    My guess: she quit because Bachman wanted to kick the reptilians out of government, and she either A) got scared of the crazy, or B) wanted to pick her battles and knew the reptilian establishment was TOO STRONG to fight against.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=450723]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Oh, Mister North Korea Fancy Pants. What, Myanmar isn’t good enough for you?! Elitist bastard.

  • yelac

    the schismed over whether there should be one or two l’s in their first name

  • DustBowlBlues

    I heard Marston quit because she got an offer to write for the Colbert Report.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=450664]slappypaddy[/re]: Although it’s composed of entirely flea-invested woodland ferrets, I can understand her wish.
    Our maybe Marston means “family” as Squeaky Fromme did. Again, I can understand. It’s wearisome being a flying monkey.

  • Bearbloke

    “Michelle Marston, who has helped Michele Bachmann… …quit that job today”

    Terminal Lover’s Spat, based on differing reactions to the Maine Same-Sex Marriage vote?… just sayin’…

  • AKAM80TheWolf

    Michelle found out where Michele put the missing ‘l’.

  • the problem child

    She was fired, of course.

  • WadISay

    [re=450712]stew[/re]: My takeaway was, creative, artistic use of tonsils.

  • donner_froh

    [re=450665]shadowMark[/re]: How do they manage the glory hole?

  • Next Great Pwndit

    [re=450659]ManchuCandidate[/re]: TCB baby.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Michele Bachmann couldn’t disguise her vagina dentata any longer. Marston was mauled at their last scissor session.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=450707]Min[/re]: Yeah, I’ve been by Bachman’s DC office and they have one of those signs over reception that says, You Don’t Have to Be Crazy to Work Here …But It Helps! Actually, you DO have to be crazy to work here.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=450688]PoignancySelz[/re]: Future dystopian meme: You know who ELSE liked to quit?

    Yeah, you know who else quit by chomping on cyanide & shooting himself in the mouth? After first poisoning his dog? Who was also a vegetarian? Who was also monorchic?

  • Toomush Infermashun

    Here come da Idiocracy!…which wonketeer gets to video this meltdown?…

  • hobospacejunkie

    OT: If you really, really don’t want to abuse, by email, the hateful bigots behind the MAINE HATES QUEERS campaign, then by all means don’t click here and leave them a go-to-hell message.

  • BeWoot

    I just want to say how much I appreciate the sedulous Wonketeers working late to keep us informed and amused.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=450709]stew[/re]: Wow, thanks for that.

  • S.Luggo

    The Superbowl of Freedom cannot exist without the patriotte Coors Twins. Says so in the Nascar Declaration of Independence.

  • S.Luggo

    Bachmann’s latest political brainstorm, a “house call” on the Capitol Thursday to which she’s invited Fox News viewers and other conservatives to march with her through House office buildings, “find members of Congress, look at the whites of their eyes and say, ‘Don’t take away my health care.’”
    To the Capitol Police: Tranq-darts.
    In the alternative:
    Type-3 disruptors.

  • chapoutier

    “When your captain’s crazy, it’s time to find a new ship”

    Well, well well…

    Me thinks someone has just found their slogan for their Super Bowl of Freedom sign tomorrow…

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=450709]stew[/re]: Ha! Added to my Netflix queue.

  • bago

    Ah, nuts. I want to be at work by 11. I will try and add my real merkins to this effort.

  • bago

    [re=450760]AKAM80TheWolf[/re]: Are you saying that this is just another episode of “The L Letter”?

  • El Pinche

    Michelle Bachmann’s weak ass pimp with a short leash, Michael Steele, sent me an email:

    “Dear Jedinight69_Wakeupsheeples,

    On behalf of the leadership of the Republican National Committee, I want to thank you for helping our Party earn historic victories in Virginia and New Jersey yesterday.

    Haha…I forgot all about that war blogging against the RNC “new ideas” site. That shit is marked as spam now.

  • new complexnegro

    Michelle Bachman probably demanded that her staff member eat her pussy!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    It turns out that Marston quit because Bachmann was making her return all of O’Reilly’s obscene phone calls.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=450807]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I heard that Roman Polanski directed.

    You know what, in my country, in my family, I think I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman,”

    Sex, on the other hand, should be between a woman and her video camera.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=450820]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Sex, on the other hand, should be between a woman and her video camera.

    Perhaps this Carrie Cumjeans’ definition of “opposite sex.”

  • gurukalehuru

    She didn’t say why she was quitting, but she also didn’t say that she wouldn’t write a book. The lady’s got prospects.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    Looks like Michelle finally bailed the U.S.S. Sanity-Killer. Good for her. Too bad no one’s going to be that far out to sea to rescrue her ass. It’s called karma; get used to it.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=450825]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: rescrue? Typo or misspelling?

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Marston quit after Bachmann rejected her suggestion of an exorcism.

  • zhubajie

    Marston lost Bachmann the endorsement of the Hardanger Fiddle Association by telling Ole and Lena jokes.

  • zhubajie

    [re=450683]chascates[/re]: Perhaps Bachmann insists on buggering all new hires with a strap-on dildo, in order to have the masculine experience!

  • hoosiermama

    [re=450832]zhubajie[/re]: I’m sure about 3% of the Wonkett population got the reference, but I sure laughed!


    [re=450804]S.Luggo[/re]: yeah Democrats don’t take away my health care. Wait, I don’t have fuckin health care. Oh well, how about some tort reform and a pack of smokes?

  • disgustedcitizen

    When a lesbian relationship goes bad, it can get really ugly.

  • SpikeyDog

    Absolutely … this is a case of lesbian love gone bad. Bachmann’s lust for Sara Palin was just too much to handle.

  • rottenart

    Does Wonkette have beat reporters on the scene for the inevitable tazering of some poor, misguided tea-bagger who just wants to see “the whites of the eyes” before they go all Galt up in this mutha? I want to see some pictures!

  • thefrontpage

    When your hotel innkeeper is psycho, it’s time to check out.

  • thefrontpage

    Is is wrong to crave a three-way with Bachmann and Michele Malkin? Or a foursome with Ann Coulter? Are we as crazy as all three of them?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=450895]thefrontpage[/re]: The short answer would be HELL YES. Although the carnage ensuing from all those battling vaginas dentata would be completely worth watching.

  • TVarmy

    [re=450895]thefrontpage[/re]: Yes, it is completely wrong. You need to involve Palin for it to be right.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Gay like I am, I don’t really follow sports. Who’s Freedom playing in this “Super Bowl”? And, more importantly, who should I put my money on in the office pool?

  • Rutherfraud B. Hayes

    That top link pulled the ol’ Fox News national embarrassment party switcheroo: “Rep. Michele Bachmann, D-Minn., appeared…” Thanks MinnPost for giving the democratic party the gift of freedom!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=450895]thefrontpage[/re]: Why would you want to ruin a perfectly good, hate-fuck three-way by inviting another guy into it?