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ON TWITTER

Science, Technology Combine To Produce Imporant Political Breakthrough

Today in the “comical e-mail press releases that make for easy posts” file we have this, the latest terrible Twitter thing about nothing. Apparently Bob McDonnell is an asexual robot while Creigh Deeds is a suicidal pederast, on Twitter: “Front-runner McDonnell is much more ‘plugged in’ and less ‘depressed’ than Deeds; but Deeds is noticeably more touchy-feely (45% sensory category) in his Tweets than McDonnell (33%).” This explains everything about politics. Thank you, Science!


4:28 PM on Mon November 2 2009
By Jim Newell
480 Views

  1. tripsydaily says at 4:34 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    “Does this tweet make my butt look big?”

  2. Scruffy_The_Janitor says at 4:35 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    tripsydaily: yes it does….yes it does.

  3. norbizness says at 4:36 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    Bomb the Twinternet from space.

  4. Mr Blifil says at 4:38 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    Attn: Bob McDonnell

    People who go out of their way to pretend their not depressed? Very fucking depressed. Suck on this for a while, Bobster.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgfCfEqYGqw

  5. SayItWithWookies says at 4:41 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    A very conclusive and character-revealing analysis — insofar as analyzing someone’s character by their tweets is akin to judging someone’s driving ability by how they turn on the dome light.

  6. Jukesgrrl says at 4:48 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    They don’t have time to RELATE. They’re too busy learning how to set up the secret bank accounts they need for the lobbyists’ checks.

  7. Well, of course you’d be depressed when your aides force you to use a stupid, useless fad technology to suck up to the media.

  8. misterfixit says at 4:51 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    what is a twitter? my teetering on the bridge between gen-x and gen-y seems to have put thought-blips squarely out of comprehension. i remember some twittery site a few years ago but it was so dumb that i signed up and cancelled before anyone ever used it. then facebook came and let me do that same thing with pictures and friends and the ability to hide quizzes.

    that said, mcdonnel is definitely more twit-like than deeds. does that make him more twitter?

    i will vote tomorrow. but i wont expect anything from it. except better roads and free wifebeaters.

  9. Flanders says at 4:52 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    Imporant? Well, then, shoot, I’ll like twice. If it was simply “important” twitter updates, well, we all know there is no such thing.

  10. Maybe we’d be better off analyzing their hand writing. Do people still write things out by hand, or has Twittering killed off even that?

  11. blinky_twinkie says at 5:09 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    norbizness: It’s the only way to be sure.

  12. the problem child says at 5:11 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    Imporant is like imporous, but weightier.

  13. kewlguy42069 says at 5:19 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    NJB: would a tablet-connected handwriting/drawing twitter be cool or dumb, i can’t tell

  14. hobospacejunkie says at 5:19 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    Ther do see to be a lot of missin letter on Wonkett these day.

  15. spandrelmatic says at 5:21 pm, November 2nd, 2009

    McDonnell’s intern is more ‘plugged in’ and less ‘depressed’ but also less ‘touchy-feely’ than Deeds’ intern. So fucking what?

  16. Everybody needs a good, warm twat–er, twit… uh, tweet?

  17. Mr Blifil: Thanks, Mr B. I’d forgotten the Black Flag gift for lyrical narrative.

  18. LowerdPeninsula says at 2:22 am, November 3rd, 2009

    Virginians are going to be the Foot Fetish Capital of America, in a few hours, when they vote to send all of their women back into their kitchen’s, barefooted…

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