Wonkette
The CNN Political Ticker has a cute story about those silly Chinese and one of their very primitive thinker-people and Congress and stuff. What wacky bad jokes can be made here? “WASHINGTON (CNN) – In a belated celebration on Wednesday, the House marked last month’s 2,560th birthday of Chinese philosopher Confucius by passing a resolution recognizing ‘his invaluable contributions to philosophy and social and political thought.’” Next sentence… wait for it… “But some members apparently prefer their Confucius confined to a fortune cookie rather than on the House floor.” HEY-O! Take that, railroad workers. [CNN via segue-monitoring operative "Josh G."]
Help! I’m trapped in a CNN hologram!
your lucky numbers: 2 14 23 41 57
Confucius say: Network led by stupid shrimp sized but big ego bearded anchors who get beat at Jeopardy not crack wise about Confucius.
Darkness: But what’s the power ball?
“Well, I don’t know about you Jessica, but I for one am thoroughly confuciused. Weather and Sports, coming up.”
There goes congress Confusing us again.
Confucius confuses me.
CCN has some kind of AI Segway writing their news-tickers?
Soon enough those things will be riding US!
Confucius say, “Lady who puts carrots and peas in soup, not sanitary.”
(Redd Foxx)
Never forget, the Dems lost China in ‘48
That was so not coolie.
Why not just post that dumbfounded Wolf Blitzer on Jeopardy, I’m still laughing at that.
HAHA silly Chinese. Everyone knows that philosophy started with Jesus!
Was that the story about the person who’s going to kill and eat their cat if Miley doesn’t return to Twitter, because the Chinese, they eat cats, right?
Doink, got it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbFHGOAtgBo
Confucius say, Lady who make bad joke is Moran!
To atone for this sin, Ted Turner should clip on some horseteeth, tape-slant his eyes, wear a rice-farmer hat and walk around bowing at everybody saying “Me so solly.” That’s the only way I will forgive them for this tellibre sright.
He then went on to say “We must convert the heathen Chinee to Catholicism and sell them opium.”
I guess I honestly would like to hear the rest of the argument. Was the assertion that Confucius did not make ‘invaluable contributions to philosophy and social and political thought’? Or that he was a socialist communist obama-ist? That is is un-American to honor and obey your parents? Just where does an argument like that go?
*cartoonish gong noise sounds, a post appears from an East Asian commenter*
Mao is the Dem’s favorite philosopher. Confucius is just for fortune cookies.
“‘We love Confucius, but what a joke of a vote,’ Rep. Jason Chaffetz, R-Utah, told CNN. ”
How dare this RINO abandon his Christ-love and instead love some filthy Chinaman. Someone call Eric the Red, this calls for some retarded mail protesting.
Just for you, Gopherit: Arizona Republican Jeff Flake, who also voted against the measure, tried conjuring the Chinese philosopher in an e-mail prediction: “He who spends time passing trivial legislation may find himself out of time to read healthcare bill.”
And he who orders staff to come up with lame Confucius-esque retorts may soon find himself eating lightly salted poison rat dicks.
Speaking of those silly Chinese or maybe it’s the silly US Army…We had an Army recruiter stop by our office and he left us new ARMY OF ONE mouse pads and oh…they were made in CHINA! Can’t the US Army find a good US company to make their recruitment freebies?
Instead of Confucius, the House should recognize the invaluable contributions of the many, many Asian-American anchor persons, on-air reporters, and broadcast professionals who bring news and opinion shows to our living room TV sets. Wait, what?
People who have to try to be funny should not try to be funny.
“He preached that politicians must always present truth and morality. He taught the philosophy of reciprocity, never impose upon others what you would not choose for yourself,” said Green.
In other words, he was just like Jesus — just 500 years earlier and without all that dumb God stuff.
(And yes, I know Confucius’ followers have been just as nasty and brutal as any Christians — I’m saving that until after the Republicans swallow their tongues.)
gurukalehuru: We cannot all be Meghan, who 19 hours ago from the web wrote:
I am in my apartment so little my doorman always looks really confused when I leave and then comeback weeks later…
shadowMark: Yes. Yes, they do.
fail…
Jim89048:Moran. Yes. Yes, they do.
Confucius Say:
WTF…lets try that again.
Confucius Say: (face-palm)
I hope nobody from this thread is moving around canisters of 2,4,5 Trioxin today.
A 2D image that makes it look like there’s a 3D hologram in a room is not a hologram. Glad to clear that up.
4tehlulz:
HAHA silly Chinese. Everyone knows that philosophy started with Jesus!
If you don’t believe that, I’m pretty sure it’s spelled out here,
http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe%27s_Law , which seems to me to prove that satire is dead and jeebus lovers killed it.
Extemporanus: Seriously, the junk they put on TV these days.
Come here a minute: 444 4444. My old fax number, which went over really well on my frequent visits to overseas-chinese lands.
See, this is why China is so much better than the US, and why I moved there… oh, sorry. I was channeling zhubaijie for a minute there.
Nevermind, China fucking sucks. Just overall.
lochnessmonster: I’ll bet you 99% of USAmerican flags (available at your nearest WalMart) are produced in Xina.
user-of-owls: At least fox news isn’t slanted.
Seriously, the junk they put on TV these days. muzik dinle thank you
PoignancySelz: Humbug! It’s yellow journalism at its worst!
user-of-owls: You’re right, I hope Obama’s freezing them out puts a chink in their armor.
“Help me, Obi Wan Blitzer, you’re my only hope!”
She’s screwed.
No one in the PRC paid the slightest attention, so far as I could see. Probably there is a celebration in Qufu, the great sage’s hometown.
Note well that there are no fortune cookies in China.
While I subscribe to the belief that Darkness: FTW, right out of the gate . . .
Rejected segue ideas:
“But some members are squinting through slanted eyes to see the point of such a resolution.”
“But some members apparently no likee Confuscie with their flied lice.”
“But it’s no ancient Chinese secret, some members would prefer the resolution to be Cal-gone.”
“But for some members voting on such resolutions was like putting pee-pee in their coke.”
Guppy06: Damnit! You sank my battleship. Since I’m not able to be on except early in the morning Eastern Time, I’m at a major disadvantage.
I love how the Republicans are bitching about wasting time, and they have these resolutions almost every other day. Apparently, honorary resolutions are only all right to conceive if you’re a Republican.
queeraselvis v 2.0: And he who orders staff to come up with lame Confucius-esque retorts may soon find himself eating lightly salted poison rat dicks
Here’s a segue, lame even. I am confused as to whether “poison” refers to a noxious substance added to normal rat dicks, or whether the dicks are harvested from a special breed of poisonous rat. Please advise.
2,560th? He doesn’t look a day over 1500.