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WHOA HEY COLLEGETHE WEEKEND’S MOST SHOCKING NEWS: From this George Will column in which he praises Michele Bachmann “George Will style” (huffs gently in approval): “When [Bachmann] was a teenager in Anoka, Minn., she was a nanny for a young girl named Gretchen Carlson. Today, Carlson, a Stanford honors graduate who studied at Oxford, is a host of ‘Fox & Friends,’ the morning show on — wouldn’t you know — Fox News Channel.” We knew the whole “Gretchen Carlson” character was just some over-educated alien’s performance art. Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen? [Washington Post]

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63 COMMENTS

  1. “Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen? ”
    All will be revealed in the upcoming tell-all book “I Was a Teen-aged Nanny”, sort of written by Michele Bachmann.

  2. She is, however, a petite pistol that occasionally goes off half-cocked.

    Oh, that George Will. Always ready with the adulatory fappage witticism. Ew, also.

  3. Are we supposed to infer some sort of cause and effect here? I was never nannied by Michelle Bachman and I guess that is why I am a miserable failure.

  4. Evil bad stupid folk are going to makes hundreds of thousands of dollars while i piddle along at 6ok.

    wow, where are the domestic terrorists when you need them?

    come on, McVeighs of the world, the GOP and FOX are the real race traitors

  5. The secret is out. MicheŸe Bachmann is really Phoebe Figalilly!

    Soft and sweet
    Wise and wonderful
    Oooh our mystical, magical nanny.

    Since the day that nanny came to stay with us
    Fantastic things keep happening.
    Is there really magic in the things she does
    Or is love the only magic thing that nanny brings

    You know our nanny showed us you can make the impossible happen.
    Nanny told us have a little faith and lots of love

    Phoebe Figalilly is a silly name
    And so many silly things keep happening
    What is this magic thing about nanny
    Is it Love? Or is it Magic?

  6. I’m starting to think we’ll be alright. The next time Hale-Bopp makes a pass will spell the end of Bachmann and all her offspring/proteges.

  7. Hello, I am calling from the Bachmann residence, and we would like to order a large pepperoni, extra cheese, and a bunch of psychedelic mushrooms, raw mercury, thalidomide, and a side of LSD. Bring it in a metal box, so we can slam our heads into it. Hurry up, you Communists.

  8. [re=443309]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Don’t be so hard on Oxford U, they were in hurry to fill their Bimbo Quota and Cambridge had already snapped up the best ones.

    As for Stanford, the only entrance requirement is money.

  9. [re=443322]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh my. THAT is a good read. The passage about Bachman’s anti-liberal epiphany:

    …she was riding on a train and reading Gore Vidal’s novel “Burr,” which is suffused with that author’s jaundiced view of America. “I set the book down on my lap, looked out the window and thought: ‘That’s not the America I know.’

    Basing one’s political philosophy on a work of imagination that amounts to historical slash fic? Eh, why not!?

  10. [re=443352]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Don’t tell her that Gore Vidal wrote, you know, fiction. His historical books on Adams, Jefferson, et al are pretty laudatory.

  11. [re=443322]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: “so that morning Michele Bachmann had skipped washing her hair, put on jeans and a tattered sweatshirt …”
    Hippie slut.

  12. I’ve actually liked George Will for the last 24 hours, since he said on “This Week” that the Bush Administration should have dithered…

    But now I can go back to NOT liking him.

  13. [re=443354]PabaBritannica[/re]: See, Bachman doesn’t hate all gay homo queers. Only those who can’t write quippy novels illogically misinterpreted as love letters to Ronny.

    Also Mr. Will is a heretic atheist and he worships guys in tight pants who spank each other after plays. I call shenanigans.

  14. George Will just admires Bachman’s ability to make up crazy shit. Will is penning another anti-global-warming screed even as we speak. It will begin: “NASA scientists have finally admitted what was obvious to the rest of us, that the Northern Hemisphere has been gradually cooling over the period from August to late October of this year.”

  15. [re=443352]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Basing one’s political philosophy on a work of imagination that amounts to historical slash

    The next generation of young women in politics will be working to create a future where Luke and Obi-Wan can get together and play with each other’s lightsaber without having to engage in the whole “Jedi Knight” pretense.

  16. If Michelle’s touch of evil had not influenced her, Gretchen would today be a bright light for the liberals. We can only sigh at what might have been.

  17. And how do you get “honors” in a self-made-up major at Grade Inflation U? “In lieu of an overall grade point average (GPA) of 3.5 in the major, students must demonstrate academic competence.” Yes, by filling out the correct forms and applying.

  18. “Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen?”

    Gretchen Carlson is simultaneously the victim of molestation and the doll upon which said victims point out where they were molested.

    It’s really quite convenient, actually.

  19. I think he means Oxford Upstairs Medical School rather than the one in England. I saw an add for it on the subway once.

  20. The deal struck by the ultra-neo-crypto-fascists with the Planet Xe is beginning to pay off as the replicant Xenons with special “logic” circuitry proceed apace to inhabit the bodies of those students who cannot resist being indoctrinated by their commie-pinko profs without outside help. Win!

  21. We need a complete list of everyone Michele Bachman has come into contact with in order to determine just how far this highly contagious strain of super-stupidity has spread. Anoka, MN: ground zero.

  22. One morning on F&F,As Gretchen is (as usual)displaying her milky white cleavage and tugging at her skirt as to NOT show her overly voluminous ass.She is ranting about how Spongebob is inappropriate for chidren BECAUSE the underwater town is named Bikini Botttom AND a girl squirrel is named Sandy Cheeks.I can see Patrick securing multiple degrees from Stanford and Oxford.

  23. [re=443801]S.Luggo[/re]: Actually I think her bio is referring to the time she wore nothing but a pair of Oxfords and white knee high stockings while letting Roger Ailes’ leather-masked assistant penetrate her with a rolled up copy of The Weekly Standard. And no Roger did not wank while this was going on as he no longer has any feeling “down there.”.

  24. [re=443341]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    “In 1990, Carlson’s presence was considered a coup for the low-rated Channel 8, which hired the former beauty queen to co-anchor its 6 p.m. news. But her tenure was tainted by a nationally publicized, tabloid-style scandal involving a reported affair with her married co-anchor, Kevin McGraw.

    While McGraw was let go in the wake of the scandal, Carlson left voluntarily to accept a job at WCPO-TV in Cincinnati. Before she left town, a few city luminaries threw her a glitzy, black-tie-optional send-off (In other words…Good Riddance!).”

  25. [re=443807]S.Luggo[/re]: No ways that’s the same woman. If it is, someone rolled up the intervening 20 years and smacked her square in the face with it.

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