crazy people

WHOA HEY COLLEGETHE WEEKEND’S MOST SHOCKING NEWS: From this George Will column in which he praises Michele Bachmann “George Will style” (huffs gently in approval): “When [Bachmann] was a teenager in Anoka, Minn., she was a nanny for a young girl named Gretchen Carlson. Today, Carlson, a Stanford honors graduate who studied at Oxford, is a host of ‘Fox & Friends,’ the morning show on — wouldn’t you know — Fox News Channel.” We knew the whole “Gretchen Carlson” character was just some over-educated alien’s performance art. Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen? [Washington Post]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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63 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Knowing that someone as dense as Gretch the Wretch graduated from Stanfud and Oxfud, diminishes them in my eyes.

    BTW, who doesn’t get honors from a self designed degree?

  2. V572625694

    Anoka? Garrison Keilor is from Anoka. Does he talk about these matched airheads on his show?–it’s too geezery to listen to anymore.

  3. PsycGirl

    “Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen? ”
    All will be revealed in the upcoming tell-all book “I Was a Teen-aged Nanny”, sort of written by Michele Bachmann.

  4. queeraselvis v 2.0

    She is, however, a petite pistol that occasionally goes off half-cocked.

    Oh, that George Will. Always ready with the adulatory fappage witticism. Ew, also.

  5. house of the blue lights

    Are we supposed to infer some sort of cause and effect here? I was never nannied by Michelle Bachman and I guess that is why I am a miserable failure.

  6. McDuff

    Shouldn’t somebody demand that EPA test the water in Anoka or does the whole town just naturally have “crazy eyes”?

  7. WestEdEd

    Evil bad stupid folk are going to makes hundreds of thousands of dollars while i piddle along at 6ok.

    wow, where are the domestic terrorists when you need them?

    come on, McVeighs of the world, the GOP and FOX are the real race traitors

  8. hockeymom

    She was also Miss America. And played a mean violin (though, not “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” during the competition).

  9. shadowMark

    The secret is out. MicheŸe Bachmann is really Phoebe Figalilly!

    Soft and sweet
    Wise and wonderful
    Oooh our mystical, magical nanny.

    Since the day that nanny came to stay with us
    Fantastic things keep happening.
    Is there really magic in the things she does
    Or is love the only magic thing that nanny brings

    You know our nanny showed us you can make the impossible happen.
    Nanny told us have a little faith and lots of love

    Phoebe Figalilly is a silly name
    And so many silly things keep happening
    What is this magic thing about nanny
    Is it Love? Or is it Magic?

  10. SayItWithWookies

    Apparently she also got her start as a (ahem) reporter in Richmond, VA — and had an affair with a local married newscaster. Those wacky Christians just can’t keep it in their pants.

  11. ChernobylSoup v2

    I’m starting to think we’ll be alright. The next time Hale-Bopp makes a pass will spell the end of Bachmann and all her offspring/proteges.

  12. WadISay

    Hello, I am calling from the Bachmann residence, and we would like to order a large pepperoni, extra cheese, and a bunch of psychedelic mushrooms, raw mercury, thalidomide, and a side of LSD. Bring it in a metal box, so we can slam our heads into it. Hurry up, you Communists.

  13. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=443309]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Don’t be so hard on Oxford U, they were in hurry to fill their Bimbo Quota and Cambridge had already snapped up the best ones.

    As for Stanford, the only entrance requirement is money.

  14. V572625694

    [re=443345]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: “As for Stanford, the only entrance requirement is money.”

    As God meant it to be, prole!

  15. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=443322]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh my. THAT is a good read. The passage about Bachman’s anti-liberal epiphany:

    …she was riding on a train and reading Gore Vidal’s novel “Burr,” which is suffused with that author’s jaundiced view of America. “I set the book down on my lap, looked out the window and thought: ‘That’s not the America I know.’

    Basing one’s political philosophy on a work of imagination that amounts to historical slash fic? Eh, why not!?

  16. PabaBritannica

    What do you expect from people who support Tim Pawlenty, Jesse Ventura, and the Minnesota Vikings?

  17. PabaBritannica

    [re=443352]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Don’t tell her that Gore Vidal wrote, you know, fiction. His historical books on Adams, Jefferson, et al are pretty laudatory.

  18. S.Luggo

    [re=443322]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: “so that morning Michele Bachmann had skipped washing her hair, put on jeans and a tattered sweatshirt …”
    Hippie slut.

  19. proudgrampa

    I’ve actually liked George Will for the last 24 hours, since he said on “This Week” that the Bush Administration should have dithered…

    But now I can go back to NOT liking him.

  20. P Drizzle

    [re=443354]PabaBritannica[/re]: See, Bachman doesn’t hate all gay homo queers. Only those who can’t write quippy novels illogically misinterpreted as love letters to Ronny.

    Also Mr. Will is a heretic atheist and he worships guys in tight pants who spank each other after plays. I call shenanigans.

  21. artpepper

    George Will just admires Bachman’s ability to make up crazy shit. Will is penning another anti-global-warming screed even as we speak. It will begin: “NASA scientists have finally admitted what was obvious to the rest of us, that the Northern Hemisphere has been gradually cooling over the period from August to late October of this year.”

  22. Can O Whoopass

    If’n y’all wants ta write muh, heah’s muh address;

    Gretchen Carlson
    Ms. Murka Dr.
    Tongue in a Dike, NY

    Go Yanquis.

  23. shadowMark

    [re=443352]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Basing one’s political philosophy on a work of imagination that amounts to historical slash

    The next generation of young women in politics will be working to create a future where Luke and Obi-Wan can get together and play with each other’s lightsaber without having to engage in the whole “Jedi Knight” pretense.

  24. Humpback

    If Michelle’s touch of evil had not influenced her, Gretchen would today be a bright light for the liberals. We can only sigh at what might have been.

  25. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Come on, everybody knows that “honors graduate who studied at Oxford” is just code for “slept with Bill Clinton.”

  26. problemwithcaring

    And how do you get “honors” in a self-made-up major at Grade Inflation U? “In lieu of an overall grade point average (GPA) of 3.5 in the major, students must demonstrate academic competence.” Yes, by filling out the correct forms and applying.

  27. StoneAge

    [re=443315]rafflesinc[/re]: I’m seeing a disturbing trend between aspiring beauty queens and conservatism.

  28. Extemporanus

    “Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen?”

    Gretchen Carlson is simultaneously the victim of molestation and the doll upon which said victims point out where they were molested.

    It’s really quite convenient, actually.

  29. Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    I think he means Oxford Upstairs Medical School rather than the one in England. I saw an add for it on the subway once.

  30. zaccapeters

    The deal struck by the ultra-neo-crypto-fascists with the Planet Xe is beginning to pay off as the replicant Xenons with special “logic” circuitry proceed apace to inhabit the bodies of those students who cannot resist being indoctrinated by their commie-pinko profs without outside help. Win!

  31. doxastic

    We need a complete list of everyone Michele Bachman has come into contact with in order to determine just how far this highly contagious strain of super-stupidity has spread. Anoka, MN: ground zero.

  32. Rascalcat

    Carlson is actually smart?

    Who knew?

    I guess she has learned to mask her intellectual side at FOX.

  33. natteringnabomb

    One morning on F&F,As Gretchen is (as usual)displaying her milky white cleavage and tugging at her skirt as to NOT show her overly voluminous ass.She is ranting about how Spongebob is inappropriate for chidren BECAUSE the underwater town is named Bikini Botttom AND a girl squirrel is named Sandy Cheeks.I can see Patrick securing multiple degrees from Stanford and Oxford.

  34. Mr Blifil

    [re=443801]S.Luggo[/re]: Actually I think her bio is referring to the time she wore nothing but a pair of Oxfords and white knee high stockings while letting Roger Ailes’ leather-masked assistant penetrate her with a rolled up copy of The Weekly Standard. And no Roger did not wank while this was going on as he no longer has any feeling “down there.”.

  35. LowerdPeninsula

    I’d have guessed Mrs. Carlson to be many things; a graduate of Stanford and Oxford would not have been among those guesses, for damned sure.

  36. NYNYNY

    [re=443341]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    “In 1990, Carlson’s presence was considered a coup for the low-rated Channel 8, which hired the former beauty queen to co-anchor its 6 p.m. news. But her tenure was tainted by a nationally publicized, tabloid-style scandal involving a reported affair with her married co-anchor, Kevin McGraw.

    While McGraw was let go in the wake of the scandal, Carlson left voluntarily to accept a job at WCPO-TV in Cincinnati. Before she left town, a few city luminaries threw her a glitzy, black-tie-optional send-off (In other words…Good Riddance!).”

  37. Prof. Junk

    [re=443807]S.Luggo[/re]: No ways that’s the same woman. If it is, someone rolled up the intervening 20 years and smacked her square in the face with it.

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