CRAZY PEOPLE  11:27 am October 26, 2009

by Jim Newell

WHOA HEY COLLEGETHE WEEKEND’S MOST SHOCKING NEWS: From this George Will column in which he praises Michele Bachmann “George Will style” (huffs gently in approval): “When [Bachmann] was a teenager in Anoka, Minn., she was a nanny for a young girl named Gretchen Carlson. Today, Carlson, a Stanford honors graduate who studied at Oxford, is a host of ‘Fox & Friends,’ the morning show on — wouldn’t you know — Fox News Channel.” We knew the whole “Gretchen Carlson” character was just some over-educated alien’s performance art. Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen? [Washington Post]

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ManchuCandidate October 26, 2009 at 11:32 am

Knowing that someone as dense as Gretch the Wretch graduated from Stanfud and Oxfud, diminishes them in my eyes.

BTW, who doesn’t get honors from a self designed degree?

V572625694 October 26, 2009 at 11:33 am

Anoka? Garrison Keilor is from Anoka. Does he talk about these matched airheads on his show?–it’s too geezery to listen to anymore.

PsycGirl October 26, 2009 at 11:33 am

“Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen? ”
All will be revealed in the upcoming tell-all book “I Was a Teen-aged Nanny”, sort of written by Michele Bachmann.

rafflesinc October 26, 2009 at 11:33 am

She’s also a Miss Minnesota

MLHencken October 26, 2009 at 11:34 am

They seem to share the same soulless look on their faces while reciting talking points.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 26, 2009 at 11:36 am

She is, however, a petite pistol that occasionally goes off half-cocked.

Oh, that George Will. Always ready with the adulatory fappage witticism. Ew, also.

house of the blue lights October 26, 2009 at 11:37 am

Are we supposed to infer some sort of cause and effect here? I was never nannied by Michelle Bachman and I guess that is why I am a miserable failure.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 26, 2009 at 11:38 am
McDuff October 26, 2009 at 11:39 am

Shouldn’t somebody demand that EPA test the water in Anoka or does the whole town just naturally have “crazy eyes”?

ChernobylSoup v2 October 26, 2009 at 11:42 am

Not only are we being outbred; now we’re being out nannied too.

WestEdEd October 26, 2009 at 11:43 am

Evil bad stupid folk are going to makes hundreds of thousands of dollars while i piddle along at 6ok.

wow, where are the domestic terrorists when you need them?

come on, McVeighs of the world, the GOP and FOX are the real race traitors

hockeymom October 26, 2009 at 11:43 am

She was also Miss America. And played a mean violin (though, not “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” during the competition).

Monsieur Grumpe October 26, 2009 at 11:45 am

Does this mean that teh Crazy Stupids is a contagious disease?

shadowMark October 26, 2009 at 11:46 am

The secret is out. MicheŸe Bachmann is really Phoebe Figalilly!

Soft and sweet
Wise and wonderful
Oooh our mystical, magical nanny.

Since the day that nanny came to stay with us
Fantastic things keep happening.
Is there really magic in the things she does
Or is love the only magic thing that nanny brings

You know our nanny showed us you can make the impossible happen.
Nanny told us have a little faith and lots of love

Phoebe Figalilly is a silly name
And so many silly things keep happening
What is this magic thing about nanny
Is it Love? Or is it Magic?

SayItWithWookies October 26, 2009 at 11:47 am

Apparently she also got her start as a (ahem) reporter in Richmond, VA — and had an affair with a local married newscaster. Those wacky Christians just can’t keep it in their pants.

ChernobylSoup v2 October 26, 2009 at 11:48 am

I’m starting to think we’ll be alright. The next time Hale-Bopp makes a pass will spell the end of Bachmann and all her offspring/proteges.

WadISay October 26, 2009 at 11:50 am

Hello, I am calling from the Bachmann residence, and we would like to order a large pepperoni, extra cheese, and a bunch of psychedelic mushrooms, raw mercury, thalidomide, and a side of LSD. Bring it in a metal box, so we can slam our heads into it. Hurry up, you Communists.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2009 at 11:51 am

[re=443309]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Don’t be so hard on Oxford U, they were in hurry to fill their Bimbo Quota and Cambridge had already snapped up the best ones.

As for Stanford, the only entrance requirement is money.

Oldskool October 26, 2009 at 11:55 am

Like they say, the crazy doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Naked Bunny with a Whip October 26, 2009 at 11:56 am

I think “George Will style” is in the New Revised Standard Kama Sutra.

V572625694 October 26, 2009 at 11:59 am

[re=443345]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: “As for Stanford, the only entrance requirement is money.”

As God meant it to be, prole!

Noodle Salad October 26, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Don’t tell mom the babysitter’s (brain) dead.

Lascauxcaveman October 26, 2009 at 12:02 pm

[re=443322]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh my. THAT is a good read. The passage about Bachman’s anti-liberal epiphany:

…she was riding on a train and reading Gore Vidal’s novel “Burr,” which is suffused with that author’s jaundiced view of America. “I set the book down on my lap, looked out the window and thought: ‘That’s not the America I know.’

Basing one’s political philosophy on a work of imagination that amounts to historical slash fic? Eh, why not!?

PabaBritannica October 26, 2009 at 12:04 pm

What do you expect from people who support Tim Pawlenty, Jesse Ventura, and the Minnesota Vikings?

PabaBritannica October 26, 2009 at 12:05 pm

[re=443352]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Don’t tell her that Gore Vidal wrote, you know, fiction. His historical books on Adams, Jefferson, et al are pretty laudatory.

TGY October 26, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Fargo was richly deserved, it seems.

S.Luggo October 26, 2009 at 12:09 pm

[re=443322]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: “so that morning Michele Bachmann had skipped washing her hair, put on jeans and a tattered sweatshirt …”
Hippie slut.

proudgrampa October 26, 2009 at 12:16 pm

I’ve actually liked George Will for the last 24 hours, since he said on “This Week” that the Bush Administration should have dithered…

But now I can go back to NOT liking him.

Minnie Mean October 26, 2009 at 12:22 pm

I’ve finally figured out who this cross-eyed bimbo reminds me of: Ace Reporter, indeed!
So, I guess this means that George Will is Underdog, right?

Liquid October 26, 2009 at 12:22 pm

Awesome picture.
Gretchen looks like a Muppet.
I mean, she *really* does.

Carson October 26, 2009 at 12:25 pm

I can’t believe Fox news hired such an elitist!

norbizness October 26, 2009 at 12:25 pm

Wow, it’s like that Sam Raimi movie, Army of Tardness.

P Drizzle October 26, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[re=443354]PabaBritannica[/re]: See, Bachman doesn’t hate all gay homo queers. Only those who can’t write quippy novels illogically misinterpreted as love letters to Ronny.

Also Mr. Will is a heretic atheist and he worships guys in tight pants who spank each other after plays. I call shenanigans.

artpepper October 26, 2009 at 12:33 pm

George Will just admires Bachman’s ability to make up crazy shit. Will is penning another anti-global-warming screed even as we speak. It will begin: “NASA scientists have finally admitted what was obvious to the rest of us, that the Northern Hemisphere has been gradually cooling over the period from August to late October of this year.”

Can O Whoopass October 26, 2009 at 12:33 pm

If’n y’all wants ta write muh, heah’s muh address;

Gretchen Carlson
Ms. Murka Dr.
Tongue in a Dike, NY

Go Yanquis.

shadowMark October 26, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=443352]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Basing one’s political philosophy on a work of imagination that amounts to historical slash

The next generation of young women in politics will be working to create a future where Luke and Obi-Wan can get together and play with each other’s lightsaber without having to engage in the whole “Jedi Knight” pretense.

yellowdogdem October 26, 2009 at 12:43 pm

[re=443374]shadowMark[/re]: Suggest you amend that to “young Republican women in politics.”

EdFlinstone October 26, 2009 at 12:48 pm

I guess Stanford and Oxford academic standards are as low as Minnesota beauty pageants.

joementum October 26, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Is this a sick-sad version of the Kevin Bacon game?

Humpback October 26, 2009 at 1:07 pm

If Michelle’s touch of evil had not influenced her, Gretchen would today be a bright light for the liberals. We can only sigh at what might have been.

Gopherit October 26, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Grade inflation is a bitch.

TGY October 26, 2009 at 1:38 pm

[re=443423]Humpback[/re]: a bright light for the liberals Or a stripper with a heartagold.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 26, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Come on, everybody knows that “honors graduate who studied at Oxford” is just code for “slept with Bill Clinton.”

problemwithcaring October 26, 2009 at 1:56 pm

And how do you get “honors” in a self-made-up major at Grade Inflation U? “In lieu of an overall grade point average (GPA) of 3.5 in the major, students must demonstrate academic competence.” Yes, by filling out the correct forms and applying.

StoneAge October 26, 2009 at 2:02 pm

[re=443315]rafflesinc[/re]: I’m seeing a disturbing trend between aspiring beauty queens and conservatism.

Extemporanus October 26, 2009 at 2:16 pm

“Where did the Michele Bachmann touch you, Gretchen?”

Gretchen Carlson is simultaneously the victim of molestation and the doll upon which said victims point out where they were molested.

It’s really quite convenient, actually.

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History October 26, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I think he means Oxford Upstairs Medical School rather than the one in England. I saw an add for it on the subway once.

zaccapeters October 26, 2009 at 2:55 pm

The deal struck by the ultra-neo-crypto-fascists with the Planet Xe is beginning to pay off as the replicant Xenons with special “logic” circuitry proceed apace to inhabit the bodies of those students who cannot resist being indoctrinated by their commie-pinko profs without outside help. Win!

doxastic October 26, 2009 at 3:12 pm

We need a complete list of everyone Michele Bachman has come into contact with in order to determine just how far this highly contagious strain of super-stupidity has spread. Anoka, MN: ground zero.

Rascalcat October 26, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Carlson is actually smart?

Who knew?

I guess she has learned to mask her intellectual side at FOX.

S.Luggo October 26, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=443309]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Blondzilla did not graduate from Oxford. She studied at Oxford as part of the Stanford undergraduate year abroad program. And quite the bitch the program is: you have to take 12 credits, 6 of which in tutorials. Basically, a sight-seeing program for rich yanks.

S.Luggo October 26, 2009 at 4:58 pm
WestEdEd October 26, 2009 at 5:20 pm

Wow quick someone post some liberal boobies

S.Luggo October 26, 2009 at 5:46 pm

[re=443856]WestEdEd[/re]: Silicon, ever impervious to the assault of hot studio light and the heat thrown by vigorous intellectual discourse.

natteringnabomb October 26, 2009 at 5:49 pm

One morning on F&F,As Gretchen is (as usual)displaying her milky white cleavage and tugging at her skirt as to NOT show her overly voluminous ass.She is ranting about how Spongebob is inappropriate for chidren BECAUSE the underwater town is named Bikini Botttom AND a girl squirrel is named Sandy Cheeks.I can see Patrick securing multiple degrees from Stanford and Oxford.

Mr Blifil October 26, 2009 at 7:15 pm

[re=443801]S.Luggo[/re]: Actually I think her bio is referring to the time she wore nothing but a pair of Oxfords and white knee high stockings while letting Roger Ailes’ leather-masked assistant penetrate her with a rolled up copy of The Weekly Standard. And no Roger did not wank while this was going on as he no longer has any feeling “down there.”.

S.Luggo October 26, 2009 at 8:24 pm

Gretchen? Has voluminous hominid hindquarters? Nay, prithee, kind sir, nay.
As puckered as a Red Delicious, but I mean that in a Christian way.

S.Luggo October 26, 2009 at 9:25 pm

At bit of datamining through Stanford’s “undergraduate abroad study” at Oxford site reveals this, “prerequisite: none”, except for — perhaps — a well-maintained pair of oxfords. Scholarly Gretchen exceeded, and still excels, that standard.

[re=443710]Rascalcat[/re]: See above.

LowerdPeninsula October 26, 2009 at 10:12 pm

I’d have guessed Mrs. Carlson to be many things; a graduate of Stanford and Oxford would not have been among those guesses, for damned sure.

LowerdPeninsula October 26, 2009 at 10:13 pm

[re=443801]S.Luggo[/re]: Oh, thanks for the correction.

NYNYNY October 26, 2009 at 10:25 pm

[re=443354]PabaBritannica[/re]: That Adams shit totally fackin laudatory.

NYNYNY October 26, 2009 at 11:39 pm


“In 1990, Carlson’s presence was considered a coup for the low-rated Channel 8, which hired the former beauty queen to co-anchor its 6 p.m. news. But her tenure was tainted by a nationally publicized, tabloid-style scandal involving a reported affair with her married co-anchor, Kevin McGraw.

While McGraw was let go in the wake of the scandal, Carlson left voluntarily to accept a job at WCPO-TV in Cincinnati. Before she left town, a few city luminaries threw her a glitzy, black-tie-optional send-off (In other words…Good Riddance!).”

Prof. Junk October 27, 2009 at 12:35 am

[re=443807]S.Luggo[/re]: No ways that’s the same woman. If it is, someone rolled up the intervening 20 years and smacked her square in the face with it.

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