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JOHN KERRY IS SO DIPLOMATIC, HE SHOULD BE SECRETARY OF STATE!: When a reporter suggested that he had become the “de facto secretary of state,” Kerry grew flustered, sputtering, “I don’t want — you know, I don’t even — I don’t think that’s appropriate, de facto, whatever, whatever.” [Washington Post]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I always assumed when a girl sticks them right out there on such prominent display, they want you to stare at them.

    What other explanation could there possibly be?

  • TGY

    [re=442368]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You can tell he’s a Democrat in that pic. Those are women, after all.

  • BlueStateLibtard

    [re=442368]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Uh no, like sometimes we post picts of them on Twitter, and just because their their, u think u can stare!!!

  • Joshua Norton

    His typing is too lousy to be a secretary.

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    Mothafucka just cold windsurfed to a landlocked country, told them what’s what, and bam, got another election scheduled. I’m proud of him.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Anyone who agreed that he was the de facto Secretary of State would soon find his testicles hanging from Hillary’s rearview mirror (hey — MirrorNutz?). Besides that, the actual Sec. of State is doing an incredible job at it.
    Also, it’s just pleasant to note that this might be the first time in a decade when someone suggested a de facto Sec. State who wasn’t the actual Sec. Def.

  • magic titty


  • norbizness


  • Prof. Junk

    [re=442373]TGY[/re]: Republicans would complian they were showing too much skin, of course.

  • Guppy06

    Kerry knows that Hillary would send him off to Bosnia if he tried to take her job.

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    he he…boobies…

  • TGY

    Alas, Treebeard. Who knew you would flower during a Dem admin (not your own, of course)? Your sap is running strong, soon to burst forth…uh…aaaaand we’ll move on from that analogy.

  • shadowMark

    Aw. This makes me want to hug Hillary and rock back and forth and kiss her and whisper to her, “It’s okay sweetheart, everything will be alright.”

  • Guppy06

    [re=442395]shadowMark[/re]: Except that Iraqi war she voted for. That’s really not going to be alright any time soon.

  • Snarkalicious

    Defacto Tsar Czar?

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    oh wait…Are those boobies legal? Cause they said they were legal.
    Am I being set up for a predator show????

  • germansteel

    “I can see babooshkas from up here.”

  • Come here a minute

    It’s a special envoy’s job I’m doing, and it’s a demotion, but thanks for asking. More fun than senatorin’ anyway.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    That Kerry, so erudite. Gazongas, also.

  • bitchincamaro

    Sounds like a de facto “Why, yes I am!”

  • PrairiePossum

    I’m sure he’s thinking to himself, “Golly, I bet those girls would enjoy reading my book about Andy Warhol.”

  • V572625694

    [re=442384]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Isn’t it great? As much as our little tribe was angry at Hilz last fall, she’s out there getting it done, rather than shopping and exercising.

  • gurukalehuru

    Hillary’s doing just fine, sending off Bill Richardson, that other Bill guy she’s married to and Lurch to do the jobs that need to be done like right now.
    Apparently, this administration has great bench strength. That is a good thing.

  • gurukalehuru

    I’m glad Lurch didn’t piss in her cheerios, though. That was decent of him.

  • ph7

    Keep those potatoes away from the Heinz!

  • freakishlystrong

    Boulderdash. He’ll be the de facto Secretary of State when he can pry the pantsuit out of the current occupants cold dead hands.

  • Gallowglass

    Because if Kerry is known for anything, it’s his charisma and ability to clearly communicate.

    But seriously, solid work in Afghanistan. Well done.

  • dijetlo

    This is just like the run-up to the Iraq war…but with nipples…so better.

  • BeWoot

    It takes a loser in a rigged election to explain bitterness to the winner of a rigged election. Kerry was the right man for the job. Way to work the bench (again), Hillary. Too.

  • Jim89048

    [re=442430]cofofrosh[/re]: This other dead thread needs some love, srsly.

  • Jim89048
  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=442426]V572625694[/re]: Hey, Condi was a triple threat — she also played the piano. In that sense, a much more talented doormat for Cheney and Rumsfeld than Colin Powell ever was. But yes, it’s nice to see the office being put to actual use again.

  • WadISay

    Kerry is asked an embarassing question, and a nervous titter runs through the room.

    Also, you could put Condolezza Rice in that picture and she’d be doing the exact same thing.

  • Holding Out for a Hero

    There’s some nice talent in that picture. Oh and John Kerry also.

  • BerkeleyFarm

    Major props to JK both for putting aside his disappointments (at not being either Prez or SoS) and getting the job done.

    I’ll add to the kudos for Hillz for working her bench. She obviously has moved on from her own disappointment and is committed to Getting. Shit. Done. Now that’s Chicago-style politics at its best.

  • hunter.blatherer

    He’s holding out for the title of de facto president.

  • Sharkey


  • Constantine

    Kerry was originally thought to be a member of the short-list for Secretary of State until Kennedy was diagnosed with brain cancer. At that point, it was decided that Kerry needed to stay in his seat in order to maintain MA’s influence and seniority in the Senate, which would be greatly diminished if MA was represented by two first-term Senators.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=442426]V572625694[/re]: As much as our little tribe was angry at Hilz last fall,

    I think it was more like Jan – Jun ’08. Personally, I wasn’t so much mad at Hils as flabbergasted and amazed at how many huge, flaming bags of poo she managed to step in on the way to losing a presidency that was very much hers to lose. ‘Twas phenomenal.

    And dittoes on Hils and her captaincy of the ship of State Dept. I’m really glad she got the consolation prize, rather than the big one.

  • Jim89048

    Not College of the Ozarks students, I’m guessing.

  • norbizness

    [re=442426]V572625694[/re]: She’s definitely a hard-working white person.

  • Mr Blifil

    ZOMG he and Hilz are totally DOING THE NASTEE.

  • Mr Blifil

    Lemme guess, Jake Tapper asked him that while Jake was fisting Chip Reid.

  • proudgrampa

    I’m thinkin’ Casabas.

  • hiphophitler

    Quick! Someone send Kerry a copy of Meghan’s Twitter pic!

  • user-of-owls

    [re=442395]shadowMark[/re]: You might want to try those moves out on a safer target, like maybe a rabid porcupine.

  • user-of-owls

    You pervs. Kerry is just reading the label that says, “Property of Donald Trump.”

  • TGY

    [re=442426]V572625694[/re]: It’s ’cause Hils is in her metier, which is ruling the world. Go Hils! says I.

  • TGY

    [re=442400]Snarkalicious[/re]: Gazonga Czar, big booby that he is.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=442480]Mr Blifil[/re]: Now that’s the Mr. B I’ve come to know & love.

  • StoneAge

    Watch out Carrie Prejean, Kerry is coming for you.

  • thefrontpage

    Meanwhile, the administration has announced these new appointments:

    –Kal Penn has been named the Administrator of the Drug Enforcement Administration;

    –Lars von Trier has been named the Chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts and Humanities; and

    –John Kerry has been named the De Facto Secretary of State.

  • Car Ramrod

    Well, that’s unexpected. I thought John Kerry died. Let’s give him the 2009 Nobel Prize for Somehow Unexpectedly Being Alive. He can share it with Michael Dukakis.

  • Scooter

    “Ladies, let’s go somewhere quiet, have ourselves a drink and discuss ballistic missiles.”

  • Paul Tardy

    Cut him some slack Wonk Offs, Soupy Sales died, can’t you see Sen. Kerry is in mourning. To Kerry ,being the first generation to be raised by a tv, Soupy was as a surrogate father.

    Swing low sweet chariot …

  • BerkeleyFarm

    [re=442443]Jim89048[/re]: Yeah, those two posts seem to have been “discovered” by a “group” of CotO peeps. Wouldn’t be be surprised if there was some good ol’ Dominionist astroturfing and/or sockpuppeting going on, e.g., it’s really one or two people and coming from the admin office at that. Wonkette admins might want to check IPs and the rest of you might want to get a LOL at modern evangelical values in action. (Blame the victim, shift the argument, cover up, do as I say and not as I do)

  • PoignancySelz

    This isn’t one (or two) of those ACORN traps is it?!
    Cause those are real cleverrrrr.

  • Tundra Grifter

    If the young lady on the right of that photo was wearing one of those “Guess” t-shirts my answer would be “36-D.”

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=442399]Guppy06[/re]: You mean like the one Kerry voted for?

    I’m so damned tired of that being hung over her head as if she’s singularly or even mostly responsible. At the end of the day, neither the individual Senators nor them as a group as ultimately responsible for the war, and Democrats need to stop that shit, realdy.