2010 NOBEL PRIZE WINNER  11:26 am October 23, 2009

by Juli Weiner

JOHN KERRY IS SO DIPLOMATIC, HE SHOULD BE SECRETARY OF STATE!: When a reporter suggested that he had become the “de facto secretary of state,” Kerry grew flustered, sputtering, “I don’t want — you know, I don’t even — I don’t think that’s appropriate, de facto, whatever, whatever.” [Washington Post]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 59 comments }

Lascauxcaveman October 23, 2009 at 11:31 am

I always assumed when a girl sticks them right out there on such prominent display, they want you to stare at them.

What other explanation could there possibly be?

TGY October 23, 2009 at 11:34 am

[re=442368]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You can tell he’s a Democrat in that pic. Those are women, after all.

BlueStateLibtard October 23, 2009 at 11:36 am

[re=442368]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Uh no, like sometimes we post picts of them on Twitter, and just because their their, u think u can stare!!!

Joshua Norton October 23, 2009 at 11:39 am

His typing is too lousy to be a secretary.

ChernobylSoup v2 October 23, 2009 at 11:40 am

Mothafucka just cold windsurfed to a landlocked country, told them what’s what, and bam, got another election scheduled. I’m proud of him.

SayItWithWookies October 23, 2009 at 11:40 am

Anyone who agreed that he was the de facto Secretary of State would soon find his testicles hanging from Hillary’s rearview mirror (hey — MirrorNutz?). Besides that, the actual Sec. of State is doing an incredible job at it.
Also, it’s just pleasant to note that this might be the first time in a decade when someone suggested a de facto Sec. State who wasn’t the actual Sec. Def.

magic titty October 23, 2009 at 11:41 am

YES HE CANS

norbizness October 23, 2009 at 11:42 am

I’M JOHN KERRY AND I’M REPORTING FOR TITTIES… whoops, duty. My bad.

Prof. Junk October 23, 2009 at 11:44 am

[re=442373]TGY[/re]: Republicans would complian they were showing too much skin, of course.

Guppy06 October 23, 2009 at 11:46 am

Kerry knows that Hillary would send him off to Bosnia if he tried to take her job.

Scruffy_The_Janitor October 23, 2009 at 11:47 am

he he…boobies…

TGY October 23, 2009 at 11:47 am

Alas, Treebeard. Who knew you would flower during a Dem admin (not your own, of course)? Your sap is running strong, soon to burst forth…uh…aaaaand we’ll move on from that analogy.

shadowMark October 23, 2009 at 11:50 am

Aw. This makes me want to hug Hillary and rock back and forth and kiss her and whisper to her, “It’s okay sweetheart, everything will be alright.”

Guppy06 October 23, 2009 at 11:55 am

[re=442395]shadowMark[/re]: Except that Iraqi war she voted for. That’s really not going to be alright any time soon.

Snarkalicious October 23, 2009 at 11:55 am

Defacto Tsar Czar?

Scruffy_The_Janitor October 23, 2009 at 11:56 am

oh wait…Are those boobies legal? Cause they said they were legal.
Am I being set up for a predator show????

germansteel October 23, 2009 at 12:01 pm

“I can see babooshkas from up here.”

Come here a minute October 23, 2009 at 12:03 pm

It’s a special envoy’s job I’m doing, and it’s a demotion, but thanks for asking. More fun than senatorin’ anyway.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 23, 2009 at 12:04 pm

That Kerry, so erudite. Gazongas, also.

bitchincamaro October 23, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Sounds like a de facto “Why, yes I am!”

PrairiePossum October 23, 2009 at 12:06 pm

I’m sure he’s thinking to himself, “Golly, I bet those girls would enjoy reading my book about Andy Warhol.”

V572625694 October 23, 2009 at 12:12 pm

[re=442384]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Isn’t it great? As much as our little tribe was angry at Hilz last fall, she’s out there getting it done, rather than shopping and exercising.

gurukalehuru October 23, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Hillary’s doing just fine, sending off Bill Richardson, that other Bill guy she’s married to and Lurch to do the jobs that need to be done like right now.
Apparently, this administration has great bench strength. That is a good thing.

gurukalehuru October 23, 2009 at 12:16 pm

I’m glad Lurch didn’t piss in her cheerios, though. That was decent of him.

ph7 October 23, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Keep those potatoes away from the Heinz!

freakishlystrong October 23, 2009 at 12:20 pm

Boulderdash. He’ll be the de facto Secretary of State when he can pry the pantsuit out of the current occupants cold dead hands.

Gallowglass October 23, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Because if Kerry is known for anything, it’s his charisma and ability to clearly communicate.

But seriously, solid work in Afghanistan. Well done.

dijetlo October 23, 2009 at 12:27 pm

This is just like the run-up to the Iraq war…but with nipples…so better.

BeWoot October 23, 2009 at 12:29 pm

It takes a loser in a rigged election to explain bitterness to the winner of a rigged election. Kerry was the right man for the job. Way to work the bench (again), Hillary. Too.

Jim89048 October 23, 2009 at 12:33 pm

[re=442430]cofofrosh[/re]: This other dead thread needs some love, srsly.

Jim89048 October 23, 2009 at 12:34 pm
SayItWithWookies October 23, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=442426]V572625694[/re]: Hey, Condi was a triple threat — she also played the piano. In that sense, a much more talented doormat for Cheney and Rumsfeld than Colin Powell ever was. But yes, it’s nice to see the office being put to actual use again.

WadISay October 23, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Kerry is asked an embarassing question, and a nervous titter runs through the room.

Also, you could put Condolezza Rice in that picture and she’d be doing the exact same thing.

Holding Out for a Hero October 23, 2009 at 12:38 pm

There’s some nice talent in that picture. Oh and John Kerry also.

BerkeleyFarm October 23, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Major props to JK both for putting aside his disappointments (at not being either Prez or SoS) and getting the job done.

I’ll add to the kudos for Hillz for working her bench. She obviously has moved on from her own disappointment and is committed to Getting. Shit. Done. Now that’s Chicago-style politics at its best.

hunter.blatherer October 23, 2009 at 12:45 pm

He’s holding out for the title of de facto president.

Sharkey October 23, 2009 at 12:53 pm

IM IN YER CLEAVAGE
FIXIN YER ‘LECTIONS

Constantine October 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Kerry was originally thought to be a member of the short-list for Secretary of State until Kennedy was diagnosed with brain cancer. At that point, it was decided that Kerry needed to stay in his seat in order to maintain MA’s influence and seniority in the Senate, which would be greatly diminished if MA was represented by two first-term Senators.

Lascauxcaveman October 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=442426]V572625694[/re]: As much as our little tribe was angry at Hilz last fall,

I think it was more like Jan – Jun ’08. Personally, I wasn’t so much mad at Hils as flabbergasted and amazed at how many huge, flaming bags of poo she managed to step in on the way to losing a presidency that was very much hers to lose. ‘Twas phenomenal.

And dittoes on Hils and her captaincy of the ship of State Dept. I’m really glad she got the consolation prize, rather than the big one.

Jim89048 October 23, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Not College of the Ozarks students, I’m guessing.

norbizness October 23, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=442426]V572625694[/re]: She’s definitely a hard-working white person.

Mr Blifil October 23, 2009 at 1:04 pm

ZOMG he and Hilz are totally DOING THE NASTEE.

Mr Blifil October 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Lemme guess, Jake Tapper asked him that while Jake was fisting Chip Reid.

proudgrampa October 23, 2009 at 1:10 pm

I’m thinkin’ Casabas.

hiphophitler October 23, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Quick! Someone send Kerry a copy of Meghan’s Twitter pic!

user-of-owls October 23, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=442395]shadowMark[/re]: You might want to try those moves out on a safer target, like maybe a rabid porcupine.

user-of-owls October 23, 2009 at 1:19 pm

You pervs. Kerry is just reading the label that says, “Property of Donald Trump.”

TGY October 23, 2009 at 1:28 pm

[re=442426]V572625694[/re]: It’s ’cause Hils is in her metier, which is ruling the world. Go Hils! says I.

TGY October 23, 2009 at 1:32 pm

[re=442400]Snarkalicious[/re]: Gazonga Czar, big booby that he is.

hobospacejunkie October 23, 2009 at 1:39 pm

[re=442480]Mr Blifil[/re]: Now that’s the Mr. B I’ve come to know & love.

StoneAge October 23, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Watch out Carrie Prejean, Kerry is coming for you.

thefrontpage October 23, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Meanwhile, the administration has announced these new appointments:

–Kal Penn has been named the Administrator of the Drug Enforcement Administration;

–Lars von Trier has been named the Chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts and Humanities; and

–John Kerry has been named the De Facto Secretary of State.

Car Ramrod October 23, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Well, that’s unexpected. I thought John Kerry died. Let’s give him the 2009 Nobel Prize for Somehow Unexpectedly Being Alive. He can share it with Michael Dukakis.

Scooter October 23, 2009 at 2:29 pm

“Ladies, let’s go somewhere quiet, have ourselves a drink and discuss ballistic missiles.”

Paul Tardy October 23, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Cut him some slack Wonk Offs, Soupy Sales died, can’t you see Sen. Kerry is in mourning. To Kerry ,being the first generation to be raised by a tv, Soupy was as a surrogate father.

Swing low sweet chariot …

BerkeleyFarm October 23, 2009 at 3:12 pm

[re=442443]Jim89048[/re]: Yeah, those two posts seem to have been “discovered” by a “group” of CotO peeps. Wouldn’t be be surprised if there was some good ol’ Dominionist astroturfing and/or sockpuppeting going on, e.g., it’s really one or two people and coming from the admin office at that. Wonkette admins might want to check IPs and the rest of you might want to get a LOL at modern evangelical values in action. (Blame the victim, shift the argument, cover up, do as I say and not as I do)

PoignancySelz October 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm

This isn’t one (or two) of those ACORN traps is it?!
Cause those are real cleverrrrr.

Tundra Grifter October 23, 2009 at 5:43 pm

If the young lady on the right of that photo was wearing one of those “Guess” t-shirts my answer would be “36-D.”

LowerdPeninsula October 24, 2009 at 1:32 am

[re=442399]Guppy06[/re]: You mean like the one Kerry voted for?

I’m so damned tired of that being hung over her head as if she’s singularly or even mostly responsible. At the end of the day, neither the individual Senators nor them as a group as ultimately responsible for the war, and Democrats need to stop that shit, realdy.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: