- OH YAAYAYAYYAYAYAY THANK FREAKING GOD! The balloon boy is alive and at his home, the CNN just said. SIGH. We thought he had fallen from his balloon and that everyone knew this and was just not willing to admit it. But he’s ALIVE okay? He was in the attic above the garage, WOW, GOOD WORK EVERYBODY. America has just wasted an afternoon.
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{ 156 comments }
THANK FUCKING GOD!!!
Cable news just went full retard.
he had the golden ticket and now owns a chocolate factory.
What a relief. I’ve tried to avoid the story, just because I couldn’t bear the worse case scenario outcome.
All the news show analysis from here on out is just hot air.
America has just wasted an afternoon.
I clean house when I worry, Jim. Not a wasted afternoon for me. You can actually eat off my floors now!
Can we please pass a soshulist law now that people are not permitted to have kids and hot air balloons concurrently? Kids and guns, fine.
These kids are doper rappers than the Beastie Boys, and their parents are more child-exploitative and hoaxy than Sarah Palin. Well played Reality Show folks! Falcon 2032!
Can we talk about the kooky old man who believes that storms create their own magnetic fields and that there is “intelligent” life on Mars?
Yay! I sort of figured the little bastard accidentally untied his dad’s balloon, then hid in terror
Yeah, this story meghaned wayyy out of proportion. Oops, meant “ballooned”.
check out the kids’ youtube video for ‘Not Pussified’. fantastic Americana.
[re=436605]Min[/re]: Me too. When they mentioned that sad empty box all I could think of was – well, Megs first off, but then…..
Now we can happily focus on how mindfucked the children are because their parents are libertine tornado chasing douchebags.
[re=436615]Sharkey[/re]:Now, had a 6 year old boy climbed into one of McMegan’s tits and floated away THEN we’d have a story.
[re=436613]ManchuCandidate[/re]: When I first saw the balloon on teevee, flying thru the air over Denver, my very first reaction was “great, some UFO nut has gone and tried to cook up some wild hoax” and hoax=FAIL.
This is just going to play into the hands of the liberal home-aircraft-regulating agenda. Kay Bailey Hutchison wouldn’t have let this happen.
The homemade balloon could not actually hold the boy’s 60 lbs of weight. But dear old dad is being declared an unfit parent because he had a large balloon in the yard and an older boy willing to lock up his kid brother and make up a story about the younger one taking off in the balloon. The folks from “Wife Swap” are all over the airwaves saying “We just knew he was going to kill one of these kids”.
Well, yeah. But with a beatdown, not with a balloon.
Is he in custody on grand larceny charges or has he been freed on bail.
I thought he was Found In Cave.
I was hoping for a scenario where the kid pops out of the basket with a thumbs up and a smile and says “that was awesome” then jumps on a skateboard with some mountain dew shouting, “see ya on the flip side!” That didn’t happen so i do consider my afternoon wasted.
For those of you who think this is odd, let me reframe the situation with a non-uberdork father. Imagine you’re six years old and playing in the garage. What’s that lever? Let’s pull it! And there goes dad’s ’65 Mustang, paintjob themed on the Dallas Cowboys and all, rolling down the hill towards cross traffic. Welcome to the foxtrotting attic. Bring some cheese and juicebox.
wait till I get home and put a whooping on that kid with my belt.
Told him not to screw around with the media twice already.
Are we sure there is no Falcon Palin? Because there will be, after this. GET TO IT, LEVI JOHNSTON! He doesn’t even try anymore, just throws some sperm on their porch with the morning paper.
One way or another, the outcome of this story was going to involve major grounding.
[re=436627]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Yes, that was before these twisted twister-chasers adopted him.
Yay!! Jiffy Pop For Everyone!!
It was all just a Real Genius-inspired marketing stunt for Jiffy-Pop that got a little out of control.
Haha they could have spent the better part of the last 6 hours commenting on Meghan McCain’s cha-chas instead of wasting time caring.
“He was found in a box in the attic at his family’s Fort Collins home.”
I wonder if he was wearing his mother’s dress, wig, and shoes.
[re=436634]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: Let the Faaalllcon soooaaar!
Do me a favor, and spank him til he dies.
Darwin failed today.
Vindication! When this story broke I suggested to a couple of acquaintances the MERE POSSIBILITY that the kid’s attention-whore parents were perpetrating a hoax. The looked at me as though I were a giant venomous cockroach who had just crawled out of the sewer to snatch THEIR kids.
“America has just wasted an afternoon.”
i wasted mine on meg’s garbanzos, but i’m glad the little falcon fellow is all right.
Payne Stewart eat your heart out.
As much as I dislike chirrens, I hate it when they get hurt, or worse. That said, Arianna of Huffington just gave Ed Schultz the beatdown for wasting the first half of his show interviewing the cow who the owner of Falcon wife-swapped with, famously, on the TV. I liked that.
If you’re so inclined and want to completely eliminate media bias, next time there is an emergency like this go to http://www.radioreference.com and click on LIVE FEEDS – there is a map there, which non-GOP.com users should be able to figure out. In many cases the live feed of the local police/emergency department is on the internets.
We listened in to the county sheriff (as CNN probably did too) and knew the kid was safe 5 minutes before every else…
Full disclosure: stolen from random twitter dude -
Yo Balloon Boy, I’ma let u finish, but Anne Frank had one of the best attic hideouts of all time.
From dog heaven, Laika sneers.
Thank the loward it wasn’t a blonde college girl or we’d be hearing about it for another year.
I can laugh at his name now, right?
Now all garage inventors will face regulation from our Socialist overlords. At least the kid can grow up to serve in the Mideast.
[re=436651]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: i’m looking forward to when poppa gets sued into oblivion for the wasted gov’t resources.
Weird, science-y family. Won’t be hard at all for FAUX NEWS to paint this with all shades of librul. Care to place bets?
[re=436639]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: [re=436641]Extemporanus[/re]: Good.
Now I know what to get you for your birthday.
[re=436645]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: “Bring out the shrimp!”
Didn’t this happen in Twelve Monkeys?
[re=436668]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Not to even mention the fact that balloons are so French…
[re=436668]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: From Drudge Report:
HOAX: BALLOON BOY FOUND ALIVE IN GARAGE
[re=436657]Jim89048[/re]: I saw Arianna Huffington being sanctimonious about the coverage on the Ed Show, then I check Huffpo and the story is all over her blog …
[re=436671]thehelveticascenario[/re]: No, I think the kid was in a well but then turned out to be hiding. You’re almost correct. Also, get out of my chair. that’s my chair.
[re=436669]Extemporanus[/re]: Thanks, I always wanted a Smoke Alarm!
[re=436669]Extemporanus[/re]: Bring him out. I’m ready with the shotgun. Oh I’m wearing my bruce willis tshirt that shows my ta tas a la megs.
[re=436661]Oldskool[/re]: Word – However,I for once, would like to see this family get a Nancy Grace Beatdown.
Alrighty, then… I didn’t give a fuck before, I didn’t give a fuck during, and now I can not give a fuck after The Balloon Boy Incident™©®.
(I’ll give all my favorite Wonkettes a “head’s up” right before my emotions completely flatline and I grab my guns and head for an open, public space.)
[re=436632]Snarkalicious[/re]: That’s the nice thing about true stories…they’re so full of details.
[re=436616]Fox n Fiends[/re]:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBWJXXgaYBo
[re=436682]Atheist Nun[/re]: Are you a blond blue-eyed female between the ages of 18 and 21?
Cause the media wont cover it if you’re not.
Somehow, Obama is responsible for all of this.
The kid was half Asian. I expected him to be able to concoct a remote control with the cobwebs, antenna wire & rat turds he found up in the attic–a true Asian kid would have spent his time much more constructively!
The ‘eyewitness’ was probably some Nelson-like kid from down the street. “I swear I saw him get into the big silver balloon thing!” …friggin’ weirdos serves ‘em right HA ha!
[re=436632]Snarkalicious[/re]: How long before they found you? Can you sit down yet?
What was the name of that North Vietnamese kid John McCain dropped the bombs on again?
And, the Emergency Services Personnel who chased that balloon — true American heroes, I would have loved to hear the radio chatter. WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot, We’ve got a runaway balloon. Could be terrorists. Keep America Safe
I can’t wait to see the TV movie about this…
Too many Wile E. Coyote cartoons, folks. Next up, the bat costume or earthquake pills..
So, who let the heir out of the balloon?
[re=436687]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: I’ll look into that boobjob, first. I’m thinking double… no, no, let’s make it TRIPLE E FUNBAGS.
After all, I do want my own reality show after my legal ‘dream team’ gets me acquitted of all charges based on the “Cable News Outlets Are Filled With Retards, Which Angers Rational People” defense.
[re=436691]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: In fairness, though, his white half was fully retarded, so that could’ve slowed him down.
[re=436675]Ye Olde Fap-Smith[/re]: If not for closed-captioning, I could never understand a word she says. Not that I wouldn’t hit it, however.
[re=436691]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: “The kid was half Asian.”
Unfortunately, it was his bottom half.
I told y’all this was a South Park script: older brother = Cartman; Falcon = Butters. I wrong about the garage, though. I thought he’d be in the bomb shelter.
Maybe this is how Limbaugh ought to leave our lives? Float away on a (very large) baloon?
[re=436702]Atheist Nun[/re]: Triple E on a nun????? Not sure whether I want to feel aroused or catholic guilt.
[re=436657]Jim89048[/re]: Bravo to Arianna for chastising ED because he wasn’t reporting on the important stuff. Everybody knows that the best way to promote the top stories is with a disingenuous headline screaming from your front page, written in Arianna’s favorite shade of lipstick.
Usually the most important story on HuffPost is some self-serving story about whatever show Arianna’s making an appearance on to concern troll the CiC because he’s ignored every suggestion she’s made to him in the past year and a half. So you should be getting the fuck out of here right now, Ms. HuffingStuff.
You couldn’t be more wrong, Jim. Here at Wonkett we wasted our afternoon contemplating Meg McCabe’s boobs, which is just as much of a waste as spending the afternoon contemplating President McCain’s boobs. We are not proud of this, but this is what we do.
[re=436708]ElitistMarxist[/re]: Operation: Professor Chaos
That Falcon Palin, what a scamp.
[re=436710]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: I’m a hot nun. With EEE’s, I’d be a really fuckin’ hot nun, with a bright future in the Pornography Industry.
Easy scenario to picture, if you’d had kids:
1. Screwing around with dad’s fancy balloon-thingy, kid figure out how to get the ropes loose.
2. Big brother thinks it will be really funny to say kid brother flew off in the thing, knowing that, as the older one, he will so get blamed for this.
3. Things, well, balloon out of proportion as the cops start searching the house. “Cheeze it, it’s the Fuss,” says older brother. Younger one, muttering, “Fuck. I didn’t think the old man would turn me in,” climbs into attic and hides in a box because, in his 6 year old brain, nothing can go wrong with this scenario.
Or, is was huge hoax fail. Still, though I think reality teevee contestants are idiots, surely no one, even that guy so stupid he thinks Rush Limbaugh is the greatest Civil Rights hero since MLK, could possibly believe this would turn out well for anybody.
Then again–they have been on the teevee.
Bored with pushing Timmeh into the well, I guess Lassie’s finally getting creative.
How did he get from the balloon to the box in the attic. Is his name DAVID BLAINE???
Salon.com has a music video featuring the three kids rapping about world domination or something. Quite, uh, interesting…
Wow, tons of kids need attention today!
Pussified? Count me in!!!
“The Poudre School District in Fort Collins, where the boys attend, did not have classes for elementary schools Thursday because of a teacher work day.”
Again, teachers are to blame for this waste of time. We need to homeschool our kids people.
someone watches the ED show???
[re=436699]Servo[/re]: me thinks Curious George
[re=436718]Atheist Nun[/re]: well then in that case I’ll just feel aroused.
please let us know when your videos start selling.
[re=436719]DustBowlBlues[/re]: “Then again–they have been on the teevee.”
This is why I never gave a fuck. As soon as I heard: “The family has been on a reality TV show…” my brain made a little zzzzzzzzzzzzzZIP! sound effect, and I ceased to give a fuck about any of it.
I’m going to go read a book now… A book about Meghan McCain’s boobs!
[re=436659]JerkStore[/re]: That Taylor woman is supposed to be on SNL this Saturday too, so this will not die anytime soon.
“It wasn’t immediately clear how much the search operation cost. Capt. Troy Brown said the Black Hawk helicopter was in the air for nearly three hours, and the Kiowa helicopter was airborne for about one hour. The Black Hawk costs about $4,600 an hour to fly, and the Kiowa is $700 an hour, Brown said.”
This kid is going to have to deliver a lot of newspapers this week to cover that bill.
[re=436731]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: I’ll need some kind of ‘Sugar Daddy/Momma’ to get me those EEE’s, first. Not all of us have a Cindy McCain in our lives, you know.
Who knew Ayn Rand had living relatives?
[re=436700]TylenolPM[/re]: somehow must step up and say this. Excellent.
pfft! You’re pissed we wasted an afternoon? These are the same Americans who wasted nearly an entire decade calling the Lone Texas Ranger, President. Wasted afternoons are chump change ’round these parts.
[re=436734]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: This kid is going to have to deliver a lot of newspapers this week to cover that bill.
Please – they are more marketable reality TV show commodity than ever. He’s already giving interviews.
I think they should have been immediately suspicious of the older brother who spoke with an unusually hi-pitched falsetto.
[re=436734]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: Naw, he’ll make some fast cash when he’s recruited for the next reality show: “Who Wants My Kid?”
This was all just a marketing ploy for the DVD release of Up, wasn’t it?
[re=436691]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: “Pinchers of Peril…saved by my Pinchers of Peril!”
[re=436707]Click[/re]: Well, that explains why he was acting like such a little “ah-so”.
[re=436728]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Of course, of course!
People yakkity-yak a streak
And waste your time of day,
But the host Ed will never speak
Unless he has something to say!
[re=436728]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Someone named DustBowlBlue watched the Ed show, frequently, because I like to know ahead of time that I’m going to agree with the news. Except when they have 2 liberals and 1 conservative, and the conservatwat pisses me off and I go back to the Newshour. Before the first half of BBC World America when I switch to World Focus.
Which is why I’m the smartest and most depressed person in this corner of Okrahoma.
By the way, we in The Church Of The Subgenius strongly support nutso individualism and egoism, so this is all good stuff.
They get to swear, burp, fart and use public resources to decipher a little joke? Shit, the producers should call the producers of Nanny 911!
[re=436749]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=436751]DustBowlBlues[/re]: This sounds like Psycho -Talk. jk, I watch it too sometimes ridiculously late at night when Springer is a repeat.
When I was five I tried to fly away from home. A couple of party balloons tied to the corners of a cardboard box. Plan was to slide down the snowy hill and take off!
What could possibly go wrong?
[re=436734]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: Meanwhiles, we are about to waste another $bazillion in Irackeystan.
Is this a great country, or what?
~
How disappointing.
[re=436648]Weehawken Deuling Grounds[/re]: I CONGRATULATE YOUR WIN.
Even more pathetic? This was the lead story on breakfast news here in Australia.
[re=436765]grevillea[/re]: But was there any coverage (or UNcoverage) of Meg McCabe’s tits? That’s really all I care to know about.
boy, that’s one UGLY balloon. I wonder if Child Protective Services has made a call to the parents yet.
Hey, it’s the Box Tops feat. Falcon!
Gimme a ticket for a balloonplane
Ain’t got time to take an aeroplane.
Ronery days are gone but Okasan is home,
Gonna show her I’m not a bedwetter.
I don’t care if I gotta hide again,
Got to get back to my boxthing
Fucking Ronery days are gone, Imma here at home
That other chick they sent was much better
Fuck Falcon and this pathetic story.
Right Retard Radio is aflutter with Limbwhaawhaa.
They’re blaming it on the Left and Unions. Hahahahah
They have as much chance in making a dent in the NFL as a high school team does in beating the Giants. This is an epic win folks. Rectal prolapse Limbwhaa’s ego against the Colossus that is the NFL.
Hahahahahaha
UNLEASH THE LAWYERS!!!!!!!!
[re=436784]PoignancySelz[/re]: I’ve got to agree.
I’m have to go to media matters for my Rush schadenfreude?
The Ego has crash-landed, and all of dittobotland is en fuego!
YAY!
~
Surprised that Megs wasn’t in the chase vehicle wanting little Falcon to jump out and land on her tank top
Times like this I’m glad I have no fucking idea what’s going on.
Paging Protective Services!
After you get done with the Gosselins, of course.
Today I left my home in Denver as Wolf Blitzer was letting us know that the recently-landed balloon ended up near Colorado Springs meaning that it passed over Denver.
I left to run errands. While out I watched for small children on the ground, but saw none.
Two hours after leaving, I came home and discovered that Wolf was speculating about the material of the balloon. Pretty interesting.
Balloon Dad, whats up with the haircut dewd?
Why weren’t you’re kids in school today and where is the supervision?
Videoed the day?
You have distracted me away from Megs tits. back to the tits.
So glad to have missed this bullshit in its entirety. I hear the family was on “Wife Swap”, which is just vile. The only wife swap anyone needs to see is Dave Chappelle’s version. Worth 8 minutes of your precious time.
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=216837&title=trading-spouses
Now I know why Ariyawna was so pissed on the Ed Show. She was supposed to be there to talk about her gawd-awful story about Joe Biden/Afghanistan and was pissed she got upstaged by a 6 year old boy in a balloon. Then, to show how pissed she was about it she wrote a story about it in HuffBloat. With video!
Talk about a one woman circle jerk.
And that’s today’s news. The little bastard
its funny because something like 14,000 children died from hunger in the last 24 hours ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
somebody on HuffPo just called Obama the new balloon boy. Balloon Boy? That is so earlier this afternoon.
[re=436808]kewlguy42069[/re]: It wasn’t hunger that killed them, it was their refusal to eat human flesh. Have they learned nothing from zombies?
[re=436668]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I figure. When it’s actually obvious that Falcon’s folks are crazed Paultard Libertarians who sleep with their copy of Atlas Shrugged.
On Wednesday, we were treated by Sheer “Am I An Idiot?” InSannity to a lecture about America turning into a “Nannie State.” Too much government intervention into our little lives, etc., etc.
On Thursday, we were treated by him to a breathless account of all the would-be rescuers following this balloon.
Of course, all those folks worked for the government, didn’t they? But now they were heroes.
We had to endure some brief BS about “Angel’s hands” bringing down the balloon – but when it turned out the little nipper wasn’t inside that was, mercifully enough, cut short.
It was just an experiment to see if we could balloon lift illegal aliens over the border from Kansas. But then we thought Falcon got aboard instead of the Messican we had hired for five bucks an hour to take the ride. (Burp). But then we thought Tripper would serve the same purpose if he didn’t fall out, and we could get some free publicity for our invention, too. With the promotional riches, we planned to buy a minority share of Rush Limbaugh. Things are interesting here in eastern Alask… I mean, Colorado. Support the troops.(Snort.)
So no “Balloon Boy: Rise and Fall” movie of the week?
The police learned a lesson. always check fuckin’ the attic.
[re=436827]Zack Morris[/re]: No, but “Watching Meg’s Chest: Rise and Fall” could be a big hit.
[re=436829]sati demise[/re]: The Blackhawks were carrying the attic-checkers.
Sorry, must have missed this story. I was at the World Food Prize Global Youth Institute in Des Moines fucking Iowa, trying to make this world a better place.
I think child protective services should be called just because these dumbasses named him “Falcon.” Who the hell do they think they are? Wonder Woman & Superman? Jesus & I thought
“Colton” was a dumb name.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI6UONWCq7A&feature=player_embedded
Busted!
Worst fucking liars in the world. A punch in the face to the adults involved. Oh, and the bill for all the emergency services scrambled for their hoax.
Say what you will, the entire incident might someday read well in an Ivy League college application.
Why would a disarmingly positive ending make this story less newsworthy? A child seemed to be missing, which is a big story when the kid isn’t poor and black. Amber Alert, the works. At the same time, a wonderfully Huck Finnish vision of a boy in his box, drifting silently through the sky on a grand adventure. Turns out that he was hiding out after being naughty — can’t blame the little rascal, since he probably knows his dad’s temper better than I do. Nice end of story, no sexually abused corpse, hooray! Filled up some blank spaces on the page in grand fashion without our having to pay the price in grief; I liked it. Please compare to other NYT front pages stories, which include the Taliban killing 39 people in Pakistan, an in-depth look at pederastic Catholic priests, rising airline prices and huge bonuses for dunderhead, bailed-out bankers. The stuff of acute nausea. Bravo Balloon Boy!
You shoulda put the gigantic flashy Drudge siren for this post. I got four fucking CNN breaking news emails !! At first I thought a rightwing terrorist attacked us or something.
[re=436834]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: So what name did you and Jesus decide on for the little tyke?
~
What the foxtrot does this have to do with ACORN?
Jason Linkins: “I think that Balloon Boy, Dow 10K, and Megan McCain have made it so buoyancy is having the best week ever.”
Obviously the proper punishment is to put this boy in a balloon for real and not let him down, he’s the real culprit here.
O/T, but holy crap — tell me something isn’t different about America today.
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/slideshow/ALeqM5jyNegREI4mBG_aZVAc6lxxKbiBtQD9BBPAIG1?index=1
I didn’t catch this story until later in the day, but when I saw the balloon, my very first thought was that there was no way the kid could fit anywhere in the contraption (definitely not inside the balloon with gas, and most likely not in any attached ‘basket’). When I then found out it was the boy of the crazy-dude on Wife Swap (there are many, BTW), I knew it was a hoax. Then I heard the media as the nutty-as-a-fruitcake of a dad if he was going to ground the boy, and he said “we don’t ground our children”, I lost it. Not because the boy does or doesn’t deserve a punishment, but because he’s one of “those” parents. It’s one thing to say you don’t spank your children, but then when you say you don’t even ground, I see red.
[re=436845]Mr Blifil[/re]: We’ll be lucky if the little punk makes it past high school. Let’s be honest, this man’s children as a few steps from growing up to be street performers or being the grand recipients of sugar mommas.
Hahaha, balloon moron is on every channel. AMERICA IS FUCKED.
Snowbilly grifter is the new black.
Damn it. I was wondering how high 6 year old males bounce. Now I’ll never know.
[re=436893]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thank you. I needed that.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the people who donate to PBS … you all are a sanity saver.
[re=436662]HopeyDope[/re]: Yes. And he took Boss BlunderRush’s name off the national stage. Did you know it was “Hudson?” His parents named him “Hudson?” STG – I actually felt sorry for the bloated fool.
For a minute. Well, part of a minute.
[re=436834]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Is his sister named “Gremlin?”
[re=436834]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No no. “Colton” is a gay name.
Elian Gonzalez LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Balloon boy AND balloons girl in the same day.
Who could’ve predicted?
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